From this... to this... and with no fuss

On Saturday while Wickman was attempting to draw some small comfort from a cameo innings, without fuss and ceremony, something important was being done.

Throughout the 1950s and 60s a stalwart playing member of the club and later President and largely responsible, Wickman is told, for restoring the fortunes of the club following the Great Fire, MJW Lofting was about as "Wick" as you can get. In fact, in gentler times as they were, he was probably the most "Wick" of his generation if that is possible. (Wickman seems to remember debating relative Wickness with Clarky on Saturday night, but the hour was advanced and Clarky seemed to have been overcome by the sun).

Anyway. Jake has fixed the memorial benches that were on the balconies after they had been somewhat neglected over the winter. If anything, they are better looked after now than they were a year ago. Some minor restoration work apart they should continue to remind us of MJW for years to come.

If that fails, AJ has just been presented with a long forgotten trophy donated in MJW's memory too to mark his batting form in 2006 - a tradition which we mean to carry on in 2007.

Thankyou Jake for the hard work on our behalf. It didn't go unnoticed on Saturday afternoon as first the Crossbats and then others used them to watch the sun go down.

Duck Tax - From Saturday - beware

Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, Wickman hears that Clarky has come up with a fundraising wheeze to make you feel better about getting a blob. Not content with watching you trudge back disconsolately having been triggered by some incompetent numpty who doesn't know the rules etc etc the club will in future be imposing a duck tax of £5 per duck (£2.50 concs - Colts exempt) plus the consumption of a beverage via Nelson. This tax applies to all games including club day. If you don't like the tax you can always vote Clarky out at the next AGM. Democracy eh? At least elections come around once a year at the Wick. Alledgedly Clarky was saved from a duck on Saturday as it has reached Wickman's ear that Clarky was "plum" on Saturday but the standing umpire, Jimmy C, (employed by Clarky's company and actually in Clarky's team at work) felt unable to give it for some strange reason. Clarky tells Wickman that there would have been big trouble had it been given as it hit him on the full but his foot was outside the line. Allways the same... The Duck Tax money will be ringfenced for a closed season purchase which members will get to vote on for the benefit of the club. Quack!

1st XI Match Report Vs Shepherds Bush - Craft and Graft

28th April 2007 Shepherds Bush Vs HWRCC

Shepherds Bush won by about 100 runs

HWRCC won the toss and elected to field.

HWRCC: D Lee, A Jackson, R Cole, M Davies*, K Razi, M Forbes, T Crowther, G Jones+, S Whinney, D Ford, J Ewen.

It has become somewhat traditional that I start my match reports with an apology and I shall begin this year in similar form. If this match report is a bit up and down, and lacking imagination I am sorry, but after the first full weekend of the season I am exhausted. You can do all the fitness work and training you like over the winter, but it still doesn't prepare you for a full on weekend down The Wick.

The 1st XI reconvened on Saturday at Shepherds Bush with a bump rather than a bang. Our enigmatic fixtures secretary has come in for some stick for the choice of opposition this weekend but The Bush provided the 1's with exactly the kind of stern examination the boys needed.

Matty won the toss and invited the home side to bat. Joey and Kamran opened the bowling for the Wick and voices of encouragement that had been subdued for a long frustrating winter resounded round the ground. The track was generally slow and low, which meant there was a great emphasis of getting on the front foot, and the Shepherd's Bush opener certainly did. If we come across another player of his class all season it will be a huge surprise. His opening partner however never really got going as Joey got him to tickle one down the leg side for the keeper to claim a scrambled effort. Early blood to the Wick but a false dawn.

With conditions offering little for the bowlers, graft and craft became the watch words for the next 19 overs. The Bush batsman worked the ball around with great skill. The way they picked the gaps was a genuine lesson in batting for those of us who have struggled in recent times and think that the only way to get back to form is to blast the ball out the ground.

For the Wick it was a case of graft and waiting for half chances. At 110 for 1 at the 22 over drinks interval it would have been very easy for heads to go down and conceed 300+. Not a bit of it though. Team spirit galvanised a group of promising youngsters into a title winning side last year, and the early signs are that there will be a never-say-die attitude once again. The fielding effort led by new man Dan Lee in the covers and Pinball who stepped in at the last minute, was both committed and threatening.

Eventually the hard work paid off as the wise old head of Coley encouraged The Bush 2 and 3 to go large and they were bowled and caught respectively. Chances were few and far between all day but everything was taken.

Whilst the Bush skipper steadied the ship the rest of the side came and went without really registering in the memory. Shaun Whinney, making his 1's debut came into the attack and picked up 3 quick wickets, and seemed to wonder what all the fuss was about. Joey made his keeper work hard for another, Fordy got the final wicket to an LBW, and all the while Kam bowled a very tight line and length without reward.

Shepherds Bush finished 239/9, but given their position at drinks the boys had every reason to be proud of the efforts in the field. It was hot, most had little game time under their belts and the way the bowlers stuck to their task, encouraged by committed fielding spoke volumes about how far the club has moved on in recent years.

And so after 45 overs in the sun and the heat, it was off to tea to replenish spent energy. I'm afraid to say though that this was the only department in which our hosts let us down all day. Lacklustre would probably best describe it: 2/10

Dan and AJ opened up brightly. Whilst Dan manoeuvered the bowling in exemplary fashion, and played shots off the back and front foot with equal authority, AJ seemed content to wait for the bad ball. At one point it looked as though batting second might be to our advantage as the batsman had registered the conditions and made every attempt to get forward.

Eventually following a sumptuous drive straight back past the bowler for four, AJ lost concentration and looked for an even bigger shot. When watching the Shepherds Bush's Kiwi bat, what impressed me most was when he took Coley for four through midweek by moving his feet, and then as Matty moved the man from square leg to plug the gap, he waited for Coley to re-ajust his length and then milked him for a single into the then vacant square leg. Clever cricket, and the kind of thing the Wick batsman need to work on.

Coley came to the wicket in place of AJ, and started in determined mood if not a little scratchily. All seemed back on track as the pair played with patience, and the scored board ticked over in a steady fashion. When Dan mistimed one to mid-on, just short of his 50, Kam came in a looked in Bullish mood. He dispatched his 3rd ball over mid-wicket for 4 and hit the bowlers off their lengths. Meanwhile in the background Coley continued to acculmulate and play himself into form, with boundaries increasing in regularity as his timing improved.

Kamran went as the score moved past the 100 mark with a big drive, that if he'd connected with would have dissapeard back to Chiswick. It was not to be though and he skied it only as far deep long off.

That then triggered a collapse as Davies came and went without ever managing to get his feet moving, debutant Mike Forbes, got a good ball that nipped back through the gate and when Pinball left a straight one, the tail was left to play a supporting role to Coley. Garf offered little resistance and started where he left off last year with a duck, which brought in Shaun who is really starting to enjoy his batting. He was quick to crack a ball through point in the encraoching gloom and compiled a very encouraging 16.

With only Fordy and Joey, 7 overs and an impossible task left, Rich Cole looked to push on and went past fifty. When Fordy perished though Coley opened up to much and the Wick closed around the 150 mark ( I forgot to look at the scorebook), well short of the target.

The score suggests a sound beating but a lot of positives can be taken from the game, and we know the areas in which we have to improve. To lose to a good side like Shepherd's Bush will stand us in better stead than dispatching an ordinary side with ease. On our day we would push Shepherds Bush much closer and I would even fancy us to beat them, despite the huge difference in League positions.

Also there were 4 debuts for the 1's who all jumped right into the team spirit and fought shoulder to shoulder with their new team mates, in unfriendly bowling conditions.

Wick man of the match has to go to Coley for his wickets and runs, although special mentions to Dan Lee for his fine 42 and his fielding, and to Shaun for his 3 for and an encouraging knock with the bat. No one let anyone down though and it was an encouraging team performance typified by the team work ethic.

I must also put a mention in for our opponents and hosts. They were a fantastic bunch of guys and whilst I do not want to eloborate on events with a group of locals who were there for football game in the morning, I would like to thank them for their hospitality and the way they dealt a situation which threatened to spoil everyone's day. If you read this guys you are welcome down the Wick any time. On the same note, thank you to Ali our wonderful scorer who conducted herself with the class befitting a member of the Wick.

Sunday xi vs Shepperton - by AJ

Having been 'stitched up' into filling the breach created by Goldy's finals, I was faced with having to motivate both myself, 6/7 other wick members, all of whom had consumed more than their fair share of Corona's/Magners the night before, and 4 bright eyed colts into a 45 over affair with Shepperton.

I could hardly complain though, having royally stitched the 2s up with their game with Old Emmanuel, and to a lesser extent, the 3s game away at BA.

The day was infinitely more enjoyable than the one occasion I captained last year, when Goldy gave me 4 players on the saturday night and cried off to play backgammon with his penpal. The outfield was pretty shoddy to say the least, but understandable given the lack of rain. The pitch was basically dead at the Millennium Wood end but played alright from the other. I won the toss and elected to bat (why would you choose to field first in 25 degree heat on a hangover?) much to the delight of the boys.

Mattyd and Zohaak opened up, and did pretty well, putting on 30 from the first ten, seeing off the new ball and picking off the odd boundary. Zohaak was playing with slightly more maturity than last year and was commendable in both defence and attack. He was followed by Garf, who proved (if briefly) that he can bat properly and get off his beloved 0, playing several effortless cut shots for four. He was unlucky to play on just after drinks and he was soon joined back in the hutch by yours truly, slashing at a wide one and getting a bottom edge to their eldery keeper.

All the while Mattyd was morphing from a man who had forgotten how to spell BDM into the player we all saw demolish attacks last year. His full array of pulls, hooks and drives were there for all to see, and he completely dominated our innings, making an accomplished 94. Indeed, this would have probably been a hundred if their players were a touch more honest with the boundary lines (alas, the groundsman has yet to paint them...ahem ahem).

Cranesey middled a bump ball into the hands of first slip and was unfairly given an over zealous send off by the oppo. Harry Copeland looked solid throughout his brief knock and his technique is definitely in good working order. Another of the colts, Alex Routledge surprised us all by middling 3 cracking boundaries in his knock of 16 (second highest scorer...oh dear) and was eventually undone by a pretty good slower ball. Fordy middled one done long off's throat and proceeded to unleash the full repertoire of his vernacular, a lot of eff's with the odd see you next tuesday thrown in for good measure. It's good to have you back mate.

We felt pretty confident at tea. 177 on a tough track was always going to be competitive. Tea was pretty special actually - how on earth DBW discovered to make a fruit salad is beyond me, but it was utterly faultless. A good deal of cold pasta was also served up, with all the usual trimmings of egg mayo, ham and cheese rolls. For once DBW had done something differently...

Our fielding and bowling effort was very decent compared to the general standard of the last few years. Appleyard and Fordy opened up, neither offering much to their rotund openers. Their Aussie had a decent eye (for a pork pie and a shandy too) and hit a couple of very well timed drives through the covers. Despite the atrocious state of the outfield, it was impressive watching everyone getting behind the ball and wearing the odd one in various parts of the anatomy (why I didn't wear a box to field in is beyond me. I must have a short memory of W&B last year).

Fordy was the first to make a breakthrough before Alex Routledge picked up 3 wickets on his senior debut. It should have been 4 but Craney dropped an absolute dolly at first slip off a well executed slower ball. If it had been a slice of Dairylea he would have caught it. Routledge bowled his full 9 overs on the bounce and didn't serve up much filth at all. Definitely one to watch this year. The Sith Lord (Steve Vaid) bowled a very consistent 9 overs, including a remarkable caught and bowled off an awful full toss.

Fordy's analysis was genius "that's the first time I've heard the bowler say 'oh sh*t' and the batsman to then say 'oh sh*t' to the same ball". Good cricket all round?? Merwin Man also bowled well on debut and was unlucky not to get any wickets.

At 120-6 (or something like that) with ten overs to go, it was game on. Craney came into the attack and bowled arguably his best spell at the Wick so far. Bowling full and straight, no one managed to get him away and he made the captain's job a whole lot easier during their run chase. Fordy came back for his last 2 overs, going for 4 runs and crucially, he picked up the wicket of another of Shepperton's 'large' hitters of the ball. Game on. 19 needed off the last 2 overs, Appleyard came back into the attack and bowled a very decent last over, only going for 6 runs at a match defining stage of the game.

11 needed off the last over, advantage Wick. That was until Craney's first was deposited from a good length into the door of one of the garages. Their supporters (a good 15 of them) were going berserk. Trying to repeat the ball the next shot, Craney's cleaned the lad up, stumps all over the place. Job done. Their last man didn't get anywhere near the next 2 balls, and bizarrely took an aimless walk down the track only to be stumped by Harry Copeland.

This was a really good game of cricket and it was encouraging to see people taking it a bit more seriously than in recent times. The colts system is obviously in rude health, and it is up to us to keep providing them cricket on a saturday and sunday to allow them to progress.

See you in 2 weeks. aj

2s vs Old Emms - or how AJ stitched us up

HWRCC 2xi vs Old Emmanual 1xi (enough said).

OE 256-4 (40 overs) No 4 100*

HWRCC 140ish – 8 (40 overs) Hibberd 33

HWRCC: A Moore, P Hibberd, D Fudge, N Clark +, C High, B Daly, D Soppitt, J Cameron, T Donnelly, D Lown, M Noor

The most important call on Saturday for the 2s was not that made at the toss by the opposition captain but the one made by Alexander George Edward Jackson when booking the fixture. Your correspondent imagines it thus:

OE Fixtures Sec Telephone: Ring ring, ringety-ring (repeat x 4) AGEJ: Lazy sold answer the phone, answer the phone OEFS: Hello, you are through to John Doe Plastics, how can I help you? AGEJ: You the fixtures sec for OEs then buddy? OEFS: Er, ah ha, yes, at work you know, got to pretend. AGEJ: Yeah me too, my boss doesn’t mind though he plays down at the club. OEFS: Lucky. Talk much cricket in the office does he? AGEJ: Yeah mate, but he’s got a rubbish imaginary square cut. ATS. FACT. Right, let’s do some business. OEFS: What have you got mate? AGEJ: Cheeky pre-season date. Looking at the 28th April. OEFS: Good stuff – I can give you our 1s. 2nd Div, Surrey Champ, job done. AGEJ: *hesitates for a microsecond before imagining his fixtures card full up* Yeah we’ll have some of that our ahem 1s will be up for that, don’t you worry, they got promoted last year and everything. OEFS: Cheers old chum. Do you play 1s then? AGEJ: Erm yes, but I will be visiting my dear old Granny that day so I won’t see you. OEFS: Toodle pip then. AGEJ: All the best phone put down hee hee hee no one will know…

And Mr Jackson was right. We didn’t know. Right up until we’d bowled about 6 overs at them and realised that both of their openers were capable of absolutely timing the leather off the ball and could look largely unconcerned when faced with some banana-like swing and raw pace from Muzzybilly and some impressively gun-barrel straight stuff from Tommy D.

The message came through loud and clear when, having finally taken a couple of wickets (Muzzy uprooting one’s leg stump with a bigggggg in-ducker and Thatsamooray taking a blinder at ankle height in the gully off Tommy D), we got to look at numbers 3 and 4. We spent some time looking at both as they went about their business. No 4 eventually assembled a fine-looking century in fact, giving only a quarter chance early on when he edged a full toss hard and fast to second slip. You might call it a half chance at test level, but to pluck this would have installed the unfortunate recipient in Wick folklore. That was not to be.

A couple of other things became apparent.

Fielding on this outfield is going to require some guts and bravery until it can be mown and it recovers from winter use as grazing for sundry deer and football prac. Right now it’s hard work. Clarky, forced into a number of last gasp leg side Peter-The-Cat- Bonnetti-type interceptions early on was much chagrined by a number of balls that pea-rolled after pitching for a second time and made him look much older and less adept than usual. Others watched the ball zig-zag past them. Still others watched it hop over their hands or fail to take an expected bounce. For a while we were truly pummelled as the ball disappeared time after time. My advice? Long barriers and to note that the 2s are now playing away from home (in the cricketing sense) until May 19th.

This particular strip has lost some oomph over the winter. The ball tends to keep low when delivered from the Kingston end. A number of our bats were to be undone failing to get forward later on and it was difficult to get the ball away all day.

Dominic Lown was to profit from the bounce to get rid of their very handy looking number 3. A right hander who looked to have the class of an overseas player, had looked very accomplished and played some beautiful straight drives before chasing a wide one that kept low, and feathering it into Clark’s gloves. At the other end the No 4, left-handed Jaapie, continued to put the ball in all the right places.

Derek Del-Boy Soppitt was perhaps the only bowler to come close to containing him and used flight and guile to keep him subdued and delay his century until the 40th over. In the meantime Del tempted the No 5 to hoist him to a nonchalant Hibberd at long on (one of those classic Hibberd will he bother to catch it ah yes he’s got it specials). Clark told the No 4 as the ball hung for ever in the sky “that’s out that is” and it was.

Jimmy C and Tommy D bowled the death overs, Jimmy bowling No 6 with a shooter that wouldn’t have looked out of place in the hands of John Wayne and between times Fudge and Hibberd turned their arms over, but in the face of withering batting from No 4.

And so to tea. Fruit salad in evidence. Egg sandwiches as per. A good sense of vinegar in the tuna numbers. Encouraging start to the season etc etc as this is a friendly, no points will be awarded.

Our reply began at 4 an over and it looked as if OEs had not brought with them their usual opening attack. And frankly, given that they are a number of divisions above us, we were playing some of their 1s it’s probably a good job too. Hibberd continued to display good early season form, racing to 33 with one or two finely timed shots while Mooray looked less comfortable in his first trot of the season.

The ball, unchanged from the first innings, began to lose whatever shine it had and the phrase “that one kept low” was much in evidence. Hibberd and Moore both perished bowled by their No 3 in quick succession, who, it transpired, bowled leg spin in the style of Anil Kumble (ie much skid and just a hint of turn). This introduced Fudge and Clark to the wicket with 7 an over needed from 30.

Now I am not saying that 7 an over was an impossibility against this attack but it seemed an unlikely mountain to climb. Not Everest, or K2 even, more, perhaps, a Killimanjaro. Something that, with things in your favour, and some preparation, you could walk to the top of without too much bother. However, the pitch was not in our favour. I thought the opposition were calling it a cabbage patch at one point, but deduced that they were referring to a rather round faced young man who resembled the dolls of the same name. At least I think I have got that right. Accurate seam-up from the Kingston end did, eventually, for Fudge attempting to guide one too many to the midwicket fence, Tommy D feeling unable to deny the bowler given that the skipper hadn’t got forward. Clark was finding it difficult to locate the middle of the bat and was scraping 1s and 2s together in place of a decent innings.

Charles High esq visited the wicket briefly and took up where he left off last year, hitting the ball as hard as he could, quickly racing to double figures, often with assistance from the fielding side. Perhaps together High and Clark could have made more of a game of it as Clark found his feet in the middle but another failure to get forward at the Mill Wood end did for High (LBW to Mooray) and Clark, having located the boundary from some “we’d like to keep you interested so we’re going to toss some up” bowling perished at mid on for 25. Not before, mind you, setting himself to play a back foot pull shot (anticipating something about knee high) and having to play a hockey-style slap to keep a pea-roller out.

Some circumspect batting from Ben Daly and Jimmy C (work in the front room of his Clapham flat has ensured a more correct style than that evidenced over the winter) ensured we did not capitulate tamely and Del and Tommy D, in contrasting styles, brought the total to some respectability. Jimmy and Muzzy lasted out the final few overs of “right you have a go” bowling and handshakes were exchanged.

Some lessons were learned. Until the outfield clears up, bravery may just determine who wins games. Captains will choose which bowlers to use at which end to take account of the bounce. And we must all play much straighter and on the front foot for the moment. Despite a sound thumping in this encounter, spirit remained constant and it’s interesting to note that despite some dodgy ground fielding, what chances came our way were accepted.

With the xbats playing at home on Saturday, work being done on the benches and elsewhere, with a social in the evening (I can report that the London Pride was at a good temperature – I kept going back to check all night) and non-playing members in evidence it was an encouraging start to the season. Now it only remains to make sure that AGE Jackson esq hasn’t stitched up any more sides. The relative safety of league fixtures aside, look out anyone playing Wednesday, Sunday or 3s…

The Art of Spin

There is always fashions and trends in sport, and cricket is no different. Be it a bowling action as alluded to by Wickman in his Crazy Actions article, or the England teams favourite way of getting out, the reverse sweep.

There is a new technique sweeping through the world of spin bowling though, which is causing mystery and myrth in equal abundance, and appears to be central to a spinners armoury now: The obtrusive tongue.

Both Brad Hogg and Monty Panesar use their tongues ritually before delivering. Whilst Hogg chews, Monty licks. It is still not clear what advantage is gained from the ostentacious display of the mastication organ but it is definately contagious. The spin bowlers union seem to have had their annual meeting and decided that this a fine contribution to their art. Whether it for discreet application of saliva to the ball, or to distract the batsman into thinking they have a date for the post game dinner is difficult to say.

What we can reveal for certain however is the source of this dark art. It is of course the Wick's very own Chairman Keith 'Mao' Nicholls. We asked Keith to comment but he declined. This is obviously a darker art than first feared and as closely guarded as the magic circle.

So if you see Nicholls chew his tongou as he trots into bowl to you this year, be afraid. Be very afraid!

Wickman's week - Thursday

Thursday is a bad cricket day for Wickman. 20 minutes on the internet reading about how bad the Jaapies were, a quick look at the county scores and then... nothing. Nothing until he can get away to nets. Wickman would, in fact, actually be depressed if it wasn't for the fact that the Wick flag arrived by courier last night. Wickman had a "special" photographic session with the flag but realised that the photos were unsuitable for a family blog like ours. He's looking forward to getting all hot and sweaty at nets before tieing it up, running it up his pole and letting it dangle in the wind... which will while away some of the time before Saturday's games.

Wickman's Week - Wednesday - 16 3rd xi fixtures

Wickman is unfit. A couple of days on a bike to work, a net and some fielding practice and he's aching like an octogenarian with rheumatoid arthritis and throbbing like a Pole in Zizzi with a pair of scissors and a pathological dislike for sausage. It's a good day for cricket but a bad day for South Africans. As Wickman writes they are attempting to claw themselves back to a respectable total in semi-final number 2... but it all looks a bit forlorn. It's a good day for the 3rd xi. AJ rings Wickman to tell him that, on balance, he reckons the 3s are more than capable of playing away fixtures as well as home ones so he'll now be booking in games not just at home on the weekends when Crossbats are playing away, but also away fixtures on alternate weekends. So that's 16 games for the 3s this year then... Wickman struggles with mathematics but he reckons that we'll be putting out the best part of 80 sides this year...

The team that Matty and Fudgey could have picked...

There are more than 50 playing members signed up this year. Fudgey emailed Wickman to let him know who wasn't available this weekend... you could pick this team for any fixture this year... but who would carry the drinks and who would umpire? L. Webster, T. Goodwin, I. Greenwood, Z. Tughral SNR, MS, M. Goulborn, G. Unsworth, P. Linter, J. Ratnage, N. Doddy, A. Mahoney, T. Austin Oh yes, and by the way, subs are due...

All a flutter

After the first big games of the season this Saturday, social secretary Hibberd and sidekicks Fudge and Lowns will be hosting the first social of the season down the Wick. Whether you are playing or not, ditch the kids / mother-in-law / annoying mates who don't like talking about cricket and join us for a night of carousing, cricket chat and betting. Late bar. Cricket chat. Horses. Beer. Wine (if you must). Spirits (a must). You know it makes sense... the rules are a bit lively, but basically you'll need a Luciano (tenner) and some beer tokens. The Luciano will include some food. The winning team will make 100 big ones. Pass these details on to anyone who you can't see on the email list...

Welcome back to Dave Ford!

The Wick welcomes back Dave Ford to the fold on Saturday. For those of you who haven't met him he'll be in the bar after the 1s game drinking JD&Coke. Approach with caution. Wickman is only kidding. Gulp.

Team News - Read Carefully

The skippers Davies and Fudge have met in the first major selection session of the season and have picked the following teams. Wickman for one is astonished by the strength in depth. Please note that the 1s are now away to Shepherds Bush as the students of LSE are probably having a reading week or something equally taxing so can't make the fixture. Well done to AJ for sorting out an alternative at the drop of a catch, er hat. SB are in a different league (quite literally) so this will be a stern test. One to watch: Wick debut for Danny Lee... The 2s are at home to Old Emanuel cc. Ones to watch: Jimmy C and Ben Daly's home debuts for the Wick. The 3s are away to British Airways. Ones to watch: Cranesy's captaincy debut, Risman's return from injury, debuts for Sayce and Nicholas, senior debuts for Tom and Alex. The Sunday XI is at HOME. Messrs Routledge and Man make their Wick debuts... The skippers have asked Wickman to wish everyone the best of luck. Let's hope for the first 3-way Wickwash, followed up by a cracking win for the Sunday boys. SHEPERDS BUSH v HWRCC 1ST XI R. Cole, D. Lee, A. Jackson, M. Davies ©, TBC, K. Razi, S. Bishop, J. Ewen, G. Jones +, D. Ford, S. Whinney 13:30 Start, 11.30 Meet @ HWRCC M. Davies – 07971 131 373 http://www.shepbushcc.demon.co.uk/ to check out the oppo... HWRCC 2ND XI v OLD EMANUEL C.C A. Moore, N. Clark+, D. Fudge ©, P. Hibberd, C. High, D. Soppitt, B. Daly, T. Donnelly, J. Cameron, M. Noor, D. Lowns 13:30 Start, 12:00 Meet @ HWRCC D. Fudge – 07887 600 859 BRITISH AIRWAYS v HWRCC 3RD XI R. Ewen, A. Risman, D. Clough, A. Crane ©, P. Sayce, I. Taylorson, D. Nicholas, T. Robinson, K. Laight, A. Walters +, TBC 13:30 Start, 12:00 Meet @ HWRCC A. Crane – 07970 544 463 British Airways Club Concord Club, Crane Lodge Road, Cranford, Hounslow, TW5 9PQ Tel: 0208 513 2000 HWRCC SUNDAY XI v SHEPPERTON C.C Z. Tughral Jnr, A. Jackson ©, G. Jones +, M. Davies, A. Crane, A. Routledge, M. Man, C. Appleyard, D. Ford, S. Vaid, TBC

Wickman's Week - Tuesday late

What a day for cricket. Nets were lively. 25 people there? A promising debut from Jimmy C's flatmate. Very correct. Reminds Wickman of Matthew Elliott. Let's hope he doesn't come on tour, tell his wife/girlfriend about a top twin batsman's indiscretions and spend years in the wilderness - ALLEDGEDLY. Actually there aren't any twins down the Wick apart from the Nicholls twins and they don't play cricket. Plus Wickman can't see Keith letting them tour. Plus they wouldn't come. They are far too sophisticated. Some top quality work tonight. Fielding practice was excellent under Kam's eager eye. Wickman saw a number of subs cheques pass into Dom the Treasurer's sweaty palms. The cheques were even signed and dated 2007! Cor. Il Presidente de la Republica de la Wick was in the bar afterwards. Annnnndy Mooray was also there, wearing what looked like a luminescent lime on his head to protect himself against the short ball. He needn't have worried. There is less bounce in those nets than you would find in your great grandmother's brassiere.

Wickman's week - Tuesday 2.30pm

What a day! Rain in the morning, sunshine after lunch. Fabulous. Reports reach Wickman of Cranesy rolling the outfield - and he IS using a roller. Some wag suggested it would be superfluous... At least one new member is coming down to nets tonight - a friend of Jimmy C's. Adrian Risman has declared himself available for selection. Ian "Doc" Greenwood, he of the most beguiling slower ball in the club, is reapproaching full fitness (something to do with his back - spine insertion?). MS has made his presence felt, if only at this early stage of the season, on email. Il Presidente de la republica de la Wick, Sisso, has been seen out of doors and wearing cricket kit. The small matter of a World Cup semi final is worth attention. Tuesday is a very good cricket day indeed.

Wickman's week - Tuesday AM

Tuesday is a good cricket day. Wickman pulls back the curtain to see grey skies and rain. Genius! The outfield is lumpier than a teenage boy with mumps. Rain is needed for Cranesy to get on the roller and start flattening it out. Wickman bumps into a clearly excited Jimmy C who is wishing 7 hours away so that he can leave for nets. It's 10am and Wickman has already had 17 cricket related emails. Wickman himself is already thinking of whether to leave at 5.00pm or 4.59... Tuesday is a good cricket day.

Wickman's week - Monday

Monday. Monday's a bitch. After you've read the match report that's cricket done for the day. Nothing else to think about. No team selection before Wednesday at the earliest. Nets are tomorrow. The game - if selected - is five working days away. No Wednesday fixture to dream about. What to do, what to do? Poster tube? Cocked wrist? Cricinfo? No just some boring twat banging on about statistics. Monday is the worst cricket day of the week. FACT. During the season you can at least have a look at the stats on play cricket. But now? You can look at some opposition websites. But no one else has Garf. No one else has a decent site. Guildford City's forum has less than 30 posts and its been up for a year. Nope. Monday is not a cricket day.

Wickman says thankyou

With a week to go until the first fixture at the Wick (and the next Wick social) Nicholls, Jim, Kirky, Alison, Jeremy, Cranesy, Lloydy, Muzibilly, Lownsy, Fudgey and Clarky were all down the Wick a sellin', a registerin', a sortin', a paintin 'and a clearin' up in advance of the season. The club has been painted inside and out - including all the metal fixtures and wooden areas - and it's just about ready for the season. Cleaners have been booked. A Wick flag has been manufactured in Australia and is on its way to the Wick. The club trophies have been awarded and engraved - for the first time in a decade in some cases. Matty D and Joey spent Saturday morning assembling one of the new sightscreens. A Colt's Dad is going to fix the Lofting benches and the window that was broken into. And it is still April. Two games under the belt. Another three on Saturday. This season could be amazing. It will be even better if some of you, wavering in your commitment in these early April days, realise what an absolutely cracking summer of cricket this could be and get down the Wick. See you soon. Wickman.

Wick does Ditton double - Mackie's Match report

HWRCC Vs Thames Ditton

P Hibberd, R Cole, D Fudge*, K Razza, M Mackie+, C High, D Soppitt, A Crane, I Taylorson, T Donnelly, M NoorHWRCC – 191 a/o Razza 49, Hibberd 46, Fudge 46Thames Ditton CC – 87 a/o Donnelly 3-30, Razza 2-17, Cole 2-5

HWRCC win by 104 runs

With resident match report writers unavailable due to prior commitments, I have humbly taken on the role of journalist-in-chief for the season’s second fixture, an away trip to Thames Ditton. With 8 changes to last week’s victorious side, the match was a good test of the Wick’s new found depth of squad. It’s a new experience to have so many players keen to play at this early stage in the season.

Captain Fudge won the toss and we decided to bat on a track that seemed firm but had a couple of lively ridges, perfect for the odd popping ball here and there. In form Hibberd and kit man Cole opened up and looked assured, Hibberd’s aggressive approach complemented by the steadily built innings of Cole. Another opening partnership passed 50 within the first 10 overs and the Wick seemed set for another big score. Hibberd, who had played some beautiful shots, especially an elegant flick of the pads for six, looked as if he could make it two tons in two weeks, but alas, he was undone, running himself out for a decent and quick paced 46. Some believe he may have run himself out through guilt. Three balls previously he had skied one straight up, the keeper called it… then proceeded to miss the catch by a good two yards. Village (see earlier posts). The Thames Ditton attack, however, was proving anything but village, and delivered an excellent workout with the league season ever getting closer. Fudge strode to the wicket and began to build his innings, just as Coley, who was well set, larruped one straight to cover who took a decent catch, leaving the Wick two down. Fudgey and Kam picked the right balls to attack and to defend. A superb sweep from Fudgey, timed to perfection, was a joy to behold. Kam fell on 49 LBW to a decent enough Australian bowler who had been doing a bit throughout the innings. Fudge and Mackie started with some decent running, taking quick singles and twos, until this tactic led to the downfall of Fudge, run out with both batsmen in the same crease. At 173-3 off 34 overs, the Wick really should have pushed on. However, with the track not playing as well as the top four had made it look, and some horrible attempted heavy hitting, the Wick collapsed to 191 all out, the last 7 wickets falling for a measly 18 runs.

Confidence was high at tea that 191 was more than enough on this wicket and so it proved. Kam and Tommy D opened up with some excellent line and length with swing both ways. The two openers didn’t last long, Tommy D getting an LBW and Kam proving too quick to the left handed No 2 who popped one up to the grateful Crane, who through the catch had effectively ruled himself out of the TFC award. Their paid overseas player came in and looked decent, playing some excellently timed shots on both sides of the wicket. One shot too many was tried, a horrible, out of character cross batted swipe, resulting in Tommy D and the rest of the Wick celebrating, Hibby claiming the game was over at this point. Kam picked up another, caught behind by the makeshift keeper Mackie before claiming the fifth wicket, bowled. Tommy D got the big Aussie, Mellman taking a diving one handed catch after some intelligent bowling from Tommy D who sensed the charge and banged one in. At this point Tommy D and Kam had done their job and Muzzy and Ian were brought into the attack. After some cheeky mind games, Muzzy bowled the number 7 with one that kept low and did a bit off the seam. Struggling with his boots, Muzzy bowled a mix bag, some pearlers mixed in with a couple of rough ones, but it can all be forgiven in the first game of the season, and the potential is there for a successful season for Billy. Fudgey then threw down the stumps for his first ever direct hit run out and the practice and effort of the training drills was bearing fruit. Coley came on, bowled two bats in two balls and was unlucky with another, seemingly, quite plum LBW appeal. It was left to debutant Ian to pick up the final wicket, an edge through to Mackie to wrap up a comprehensive win for the Wick. A great game to be involved in, an excellent fielding and bowling display, great batting from the top four and enthusiasm and motivation at levels previously thought impossible. Mention must go to Kam who did a bit with both bat and ball, Tommy D who bowled his 9 overs superbly, Fudge for his captaincy and Ian who produced an extremely encouraging debut with some good tight bowling, committed fielding and good chat throughout.

must also mention Alison and Tom the colt and thank them for scoring. There’s nothing better than looking at one of Alison’s scorecards, except maybe if I had made more runs! Good to see various Wick members popping along to watch at various intervals, it is great to see and at this moment in time I am far too excited about this season to even manage to put it into decent prose. MOM - T.Donnelly for a fantastic opening spell of 9 overs, 3 – 30.

M Mackie - nb Mellman is the hypochondriac Giraffe from Madagascar. Some say Mackie, well, isn't as unwell as he thinks... cheers Mackie for this. What a game to miss!

New Member in "Closest to the Wick shocker"

In a shocking development a new member turned up this evening and lives closer to the Wick than even Wickman - who lives - obviously - in Wick Road. These are dark times. If a new member can simply walk out of his front door, cross the road and get down the Wick before good, honest, longer-serving members what's to become of people like Wickman, Mackie and Leggsy who have to put in some serious leg-work to get home in under 10 minutes? Shocking. Simply shocking. The new member lives in Vicarage Rd. Wickman lives in Wick Rd. This is wrong. If the Wick wasn't so, well, WICK, we'd have made him unwelcome to preserve the geography... this second picture of the Wick doesn't even include Wick Rd on the map. Outrageous!

Who's first for the chop

With the final 4 confirmed for the semi-finals of the Carribean World Cup, there are many predicted changes in personnel throughout all the major teams. Players and coaches retiring, sackings, resignations, it's all going on. It's a time of rennaisance in cricket when people fade from public eye and others come in to take up the slack.

With the domestic season starting in earnest also it is a time of change for every club cricketer up and down the land. The nights are getting longer, cricket has returned to our TV screens at sociable hours and everyone is taking their first tentative steps out into the middle.

The question that has been rolling around my mind this morning though is which Wick player will be first for the chop from their job? The distractions of the internet alone, with this blog, the forum, county and international cricket are enough to get me into serious trouble. That is before you even take into consideration the many working hours lost to day dreaming, as the Wickman hallucinate of future glories and dwell on those just passed. Whose boss will snap first?

Adam Crane has already quit his job and plans to spend his summer on the heavy roller. He claims it was due to a lack of job satisfaction. There are murmurings in the ranks though that he has caught Wickitis, and it's contagious!

As Adam say: 'Work is the curse of the Wicking classes' You have been warned!

Wickman's World Cup Catch Up

Wickman has, the in wake of yesterday's rank capitulation, been thanking his lucky stars. At the same time his rash prediction that India would make the QFs still haunts him. And what a haunting. Just imagine if Bangladesh and Ireland hadn't made the Super 8s? What would have happened to England's merry men then? 7 straight super drubbings? You'd have to to think so the way we've played the rest of the tourney. If Pakistan had made the Super 8s, in the absence of any concrete evidence of whether / why Bob Woolmer was murdered, you could speculate that he'd still be alive too. Which would mean he'd be able to take over the England job in time for the West Indies coming over in a couple of weeks. Ah the merry world of blogs. You'd never get to publish this in a national newspaper...

Time for a measured response

Where did it all go wrong? 2005 was supposed to herald a new dawn in English cricket, an end to all those painful years when to be an English fan one required a fetish for self harm. They weren't nicknamed the Barmy Army without good reason.

Yet if you believe some quarters of the media we are presently having dinner at the Restaurant at the end of the cricketing universe. Knee jerk reactions are inevitable just as they were after the end of the football world cup. Surely there can't be many who haven't uttered the words 'sack the coach, sack the captain'.

Matthew Hoggard is one of those who believes there isn't much wrong with the hierarchy and went as far as to suggest that Duncan Fletcher was the best coach in the world. Quite frankly what does that say about the players then, if the best coach in the world can only drag them on their bellies to victories over associate nations and Bangladesh.

Bangladesh have at least been value for money. They may have lost to Ireland, but at least they have shown the flair and courage to have a go at South Africa and India, and beat them.

The problem is that England's cricket seems to have become so negative. When Fletcher came to power he was very innovative, and looked to re-structure English cricket. The problem was that it stopped evolving. The game plans and mentality stagnated just as they did before his tenure.

With Hussain the game in this country was re-built, then with Vaughan pushed forward. Since the result in 2005 which now just feels like one of those fantastic dreams you have just before you are ripped from slumber by the alarm clock, they have not looked to progress with the same imagination which quite rightly won them plaudits in the first place.

The ECB of course won't jump on the bandwagon just yet and quite rightly. Knee-jerk reactions can be dangerous. The time is right however for a changing of the guard as long as there is no expectation of a quick fix. The next ashes is a 2 years away, and the World Cup 4 years. It is time to thank Fletcher for his services, and stir up algae stagnating at the surface of the English game.

The big question of course is who do they look to. Following the death of Bob Woolmer there is no obvious choice. Tom Moody looks destined for Western Australia as he is primed for Australia's top job in a few years. Dav Whatmore I would suggest will turn the job down, despite his reputation for enjoying a challenge. In terms of homegrown talent there is no obvious appointment choice. Heading up those candidates is probably Peter Moores but whether he is ready is another debate entirely.

Whatever the ECB choose to do though it must be a considered response to an opportunity to rebuild. The fans and media must be patient and not get carried away as is the British sporting trend in recent years.

England are one of four teams in a similar situation. The West Indies, Pakistan, India are all going back to the drawing board. Who will re-group best will depend on the abilities of the powers that be, to best assess their own respective situations free of personal interest, ego, and subjectivity

It must also be remembered the players have played non-stop international cricket for almost 2 years. It is time for them to go back to their counties and escape the England bubble. The air inside appears to have run out and the players need some space to breath.

An Auspicious start

Long Ditton XI vs Hampton Wick XI Saturday 14th April

Hampton Wick XI. M. Goulborn, P.Hibberd, D. Fudge*, A. Jackson, N. Doddy, K. Razza, S. Bishop, G. Jones+, S. Whinney, D. Lowns, K. Laight

Hampton Wick XI won the toss and decided to bat 247/5 from 40 overs P. Hibberd 100 (retired) Goulborn 41 Doddy 31

Long Ditton XI 153/8 from 40 overs S. Whinney 3/20

Hampton Wick won by 94 runs

Cricketers by their very nature are superstitious creatures. Some will put one sock on before another, others just blame their own inadequacies and failings on lady lucks cruel hand. There is however no substitute for hard work and application.

The players of The Wick have worked hard over the winter at nets. Attendance has been good and the cameraderie as palpable as ever. The fact that The Wick were at the ground warming up an hour before the home team, had two younger members of the squad with them who had volunteered for scoring duties, and a band of jocund supporters spoke volumes for the appetite within the club.

To jilt fortune's kindly eyes is unwise though, and if luck is earned then skipper Fudge winning the toss was a favourable glance in the Wick XI's direction. Long Ditton were inserted and it was time to find out how far we had progressed since January.

Goldy and Hibby opened up and set the tone early. Whilst Hibby was brutal with anything off line or length, Goldy played in the rock-like manner anyone who has watched him over the last few years will have become accustomed to. This partnership could prove to be a fruitful one in the coming months as they seem to complement each other's style. Goldy's watchful rotation of the strike provides a harmonious equilibrium to Hibby's punchy stroke making. A hundred up for the first wicket partnership in the first game was just the boost everyone's confidence needed in April.

The pitch was superb given the time of year, with a generally true bounce. It was a little slow at times but certainly quicker than expected. This showed as the openers mistimed a few, and had the fielding been sharper then the scorecard might have read 90/3 or 4 at the 20 over drinks interval, rather than 100+/0. Hard work often manifests itself as good fortune on the field.

After the break both players pushed on in search of a big total knowing there was plenty of batting to come. Watching Goldy hit two fours and a six, straight down the ground, in the 21st over, was like witnessing DBW charm: Unforseen.

As the second and third change bowlers came and went the scoreboard ticked along until Goldy holed-out to long-on. Fudgey came to the middle and looked industrious and aware of the need to play himself in to the game and the season. All the while Hibby continued to blaze away and reached his ton and retired to give others a chance. It was an innings of blood-thirsty stroke making, and although he was dropped 3 or 4 times he made the most of it, and a comment made to Goldy may mark a change in Paul's run making fortunes for 2007:

'You know Goldy, if I hit it on the floor I make bigger scores'

Beware the Fullers League!

If Hibby was in peril of using up his helping of luck too early in the year, there was no such chance of AJ doing the same as he departed second ball. Next up was the first of two successful Wick debutants. Doddy's 31 was watched with delight by all his new teams mates. His impressively straight bat was like a proclamation of determination and desire to do well which was very well received.

Fudgey was next to go as he looked to build an insurmountable total which brought to the wicket another of the club's exciting new recruits. Kamram has impressed in the nets and really took to the task of building a big score. The most pleasing aspect of the final 8 overs from the two debutants was the awareness of the situation and team ethic. We know how technically good Kamram is, but his primary concern was to score quickly for the common cause. Likewise as Doddy found himself on strike for the final delivery he harboured no thoughts of a red-inker, but perished as he looked to push the score beyond the psychological marker of 250.

It remained on 247 though, and Fudgey was the more relaxed of the two captains watching the Grand National. It was to be Lownsy's day though as he backed the winner and took to field like a prancing pony.

Simon Bishop and Shaun Whinney opened up for The Wick, and whilst Bish struggled with a niggling quad injury, Shaun was right on the money, bowling with a fierce determination. Shaun has worked as hard as anyone over the winter and was duly rewarded with three wickets in as many overs. His first was a parried effort by keeper Jones to Bishop at first slip. His second was a sharp catch by Goldy at backward point to remove their very dangerous looking opener and skipper, and by the time he clean bowled the number 4, Long Ditton were were licking their wounds at 35 for 3.

As Ditton looked to consolidate wickets were harder to come by, but so were runs for the home side as the Wick fielding was nothing short of outstanding for the start of the season. You know a side is focused when bowlers throw themselves around to safe guard their colleagues figures and turn the screw on a side in trouble.

Kamram and Kirk joined the attack respectively and whilst Kirk found rewards immediately Kamram was made to work harder. Kirks first delivery was the only ball that really mis-behaved all day and the Long Ditton number 3 could only shovel the ball as it spat off the surface to Lown at square leg. Kirks grin was large as that of a man who has just got under the habit of a nun by telling her it was a cure for diarrhoea. He has reduced his pace but his big in-dippers when pushed to a full length are no easy task.

At the other end Kamram bowled superbly without reward. His battle with the Long Ditton number six was one of the highlights of the game. The Long Ditton batsman had the best of the opening exchanges but then Kam tied him down with 4 consecutive maidens. Your correspondent lost count of the amount of times the outside edge was beaten. To finish with 0/16 illustrates how well he bowled without fortune.

Eventually it took Dom Lown to come on and clean him up with a simple chance to the keeper. From there the Long Ditton innings fizzled out to 153/8 as Hibby also got in on the act, to cap a fine day for him, and Bish returned to collect the final wicket. A fine 94 run victory to start the season capped by some fine performances and a effervescent team effort.

Man of the Match: Paul Hibberd for his hundred and wicket. A special mention to Shaun Whinney for his demolition job on the Long Ditton top order.

Men of the Day: Tom and Alex for scoring and their support.

A special mention to Joey, Leggsy, Clarky, Matty D, Ian, Charlie High and Georgie, and Hibby's family for their much appreciated support.

TFC honours: No TFC this week - great effort from all. Although a miraculous last gasp escape worth noting as AJ took a catch off the final ball saved his bacon.

Vive le Wick

One last push...

...and we can deliver a proud bouncing new Wick. Wickman has been asked to ask everyone who can spare the time to get down to the Wick next Sunday at 10.30am to finish the refurb of the club. There's one final event next Saturday night down the club and then its ours for the first home game of the season on the 28th. Come on... you know you want to. Email nickc@consol.co.uk to let us know you are coming.

1st ton of the season

Congratulations to Hibby for posting the first Wick ton of the season in the first friendly over at Long Ditton. Never one to do things by half he managed to rustle it up in front of his proud parents, nephew and adulatory Wick supporters' club. He then had a ruck with an opposition batsman over a disputed LBW call and alleged grooming of a young umpire. Always the same...

Well done to those that made the journey across to support btw. Wickman was impressed to see that sort of effort being made. Wickman can report that the Wick banter is in fine fettle for the season, with Kamran acerbic on debut and Doddy impressing the boys with his willingness to be the butt of early season gags. Playing the fiancee card later in the day also went down well with the boys on the bleachers...

Flag Bowls

The new season started yesterday at Long Ditton. As is customary, a game of flag bowls was undertaken. It was rather more dangerous than is usual yesterday as Goldy and Hibby were assembling a massive 100 run opening partnership. Both were smashing the cover off it and peppering the boundaries. The 2007 flag bowls series kicked off with victory for Clarky, Joey or Doddy needing to hit the final flag and nestle to have any hope of taking it to a play off. Doddy was seen to be using a "french" bowling style. Oh dear, oh dear.

Fantasy cricket lovers ignored by Punter

Lawks a mercy. It's difficult enough as it is to pick 11 world cup performers, rotate one or two and work out which of the cheap players might slog a 50 or turn in a decent threefa. And then Punter wins the toss agains the Boggies and sticks them in! Where's the sport in that? Wickman, running out of substitutions owing to a misunderstanding of the rules, spent hours agonising over the delicate choice of whether to stick in Symonds for Colly or Gilly for McCullum and then Reeky goes and wins the toss and sticks them in! The result? 46-6 and Hayden to knock em off in about 7 overs, everyone packs up and wanders back to the hotel pool. Wickman has noticed this as a recurring World Cup trend from the Aussies. Why go to the bother of assembling 600 against Hertz van Rentyl, Honest Mugabe or Plucky O'Criggit and the boys if you can skittle 'em and be back in front of the PS3, Gideon's Bible or form guide for the local nags before the scheduled lunch break? Right. That's it. Wickman never wanted the Canaries to win the cup anyway. Now he's off to change his name by deed poll to Wickermasinge George David Alfred Pushpinappleupatreeanka or something similar. Sri Lanka for the cup. Erm except if England beat South Africa and West Indies before turning Australia over in the final. *looks out of window and watches as pig flies by*

Thou shalt not get caught!

It's the first game of the season and the men of the Wick are as excited as a group of people with a very special reason to be excited. It is, however, only a warm up game.

For those of you that were not aware, apparently according to Rob Key, the Kent skipper, normal cricketing rules do not apply in warm up games.

Key was snapped by a freelance photographer in Kent's warm up game against Notts this week, liberally applying a piece of sandpaper to the ball in an attempt to get the ball to reverse swing.

Key said:

"My conscience is clear. I won't be going out and scratching the ball the way I have in this game in a first-class match but these games are used for practice and are a good opportunity to see where people are... Maybe I've been a bit naive but it didn't really occur to me that this might develop into a match-fixing scandal."

No Bob it just didn't occur to you that you might get caught at a low key, pre-season friendly, where there would be little media coverage, and now your chubby rosy cheeks have been left redder than normal.

Key is a role model - or is that a roly-model. So does that mean we can all now turn up with a DIY store in our pockets to help us get reverse swing? Trip to Wickes on the way to Long Ditton tomorrow anyone?

Also completely un-related, but why do the England selectors continue to ignore Owais Shah? I saw him play his debut in Mumbai, and he was the best England batsman on show that day, and by far and away the best player of the turning ball. John Emburey, Shah's coach at Middlesex, claimed that "his face didn't fit" with the England set up. If anyone, preferably the England selectors, could explain to me why he continues to be ignored, and what Embers meant by his comment Gaaa would be extremely grateful. Maybe he should start carrying sandpaper in his pocket.

First Wick team of the season

LONG DITTON v HWRCC… 1) M. Goulbourn 2) P. Hibberd 3) D. Fudge © 4) A. Jackson 5) K. Razza 6) N. Doddy 7) S. Bishop 8) G. Jones + 9) S. Whinney 10) D. Lowns 11) K. Laight How exciting is this? The first team of the season has been picked to play against neighbours Long Ditton. This is an exciting selection and no mistake. There are two Wick debutantes in the line up in Kamran and Doddy and a stack of batting. Those who spent the winter at nets dodging rapid missiles will be interested to see how the bowlers fair on something sticky across the Thames. Somehow Wickman doubts its going to be run fest...

Wow that was bad

Those of us who attended nets on Tuesday were split about how good the facilities were. To listen to the bowlers you would think that it was flat but that anyone that worked hard could get a bit from the session. Wickman spent 12 minutes with the bat being thoroughly examined in a way that hasn't happened since the school doctor used a lolly stick to weigh his marbles. The surface was so lively that had a Matron intervened and offered Wickman a capacious bosom to rest his cheek against, he would have said yes and hang the consequences.

Dilemma

Wickman is watching the England vs Banglas game and it's 14 minutes to 9pm.

What an awful game of cricket from England. We reduce them to notverymanyforsix and then concede another 60 or so runs. Then we subside to alittlebitmoreforsix in the chase.

Wickman's dilemma concerns the Apprentice. Should Wickman, from 9pm, watch a bunch of clueless no-hopers, renowned for their ability to irritate, competing for a prize that they have very little chance of winning or will England get home in time for Wickman to watch The Apprentice?

Utter toilet. And if Wickman's mother heard him, she'd agree rather than complain that he'd used an unsuitable word to describe a lavatory.

Knockout stages start early for England

The knockout stage of the World Cup has started three games early for England. Lose to Bangladesh today and arguments about whether Flintoff should have a bash at the hard ball at the top of the order will be immaterial. We must win all three even to get the Semis and hope that South Africa don't win their final game so handsomely that our run rate doesn't trip us up. At the moment it's about the only thing in our favour...

It will also be a useful marker about the state of our one day cricket. Bangladesh have taken down India and South Africa at this world cup and many columnists more erudite than Wickman reckon that this side, growing up around the talent of Ashrafal, will be a force to be reckoned with in 4 years. But really England should be too strong for these guys, even with three spinners and a ropey ball to bat against. No one expects England to win this World Cup. They do expect that we can dispatch a "minnow". Even one that has, at times, looked a bit like a Barracuda...

DominiCam (pat pending)

What's the best job at the World Cup? It's the cameraman whose detail, at the start of play on a warm day, is to find the best pair of Dominic Corks in the crowd and linger on them until the director needs them.

"This is a bit dull boys, cutaway to a pair of Dominics... 3, 2,1... yes Hallelujah that's a grand pair. Well done chaps this is top quality television".

Wickman reckons there can't BE that much to it. You just point and shoot. Let's face it - it's a also a licence to be about as unprofessional as it gets in the television industry. What other job - apart from a full-on cameraman role in the "war films" industry - is going to give you carte blanche to search out the finest looking women in the crowd, mentally undress them briefly and then just point the camera at their cleavage until your stuff is needed?

Wickman wonders whether you need much training. And if you don't, where do you apply? And if you do get the job, how do you explain to a Mrs Wickman that you are off to the Carribean to point £3000 worth of technology at Dominics for 8 weeks?

Here's a really ugly pair of Dominics.

Wickman hoist by own petard

Wickman apologises to Bangladesh. No sooner does he write them off for the rest of the tourney, they stuff the Jaapies. Congratulations boys. A top victory. Let's hope Ireland don't pull something else off otherwise the English will be spoon contenders.

New Shirt fails to cheer up Shaun

The season is nearly upon us. The sun is out. There's a nip in the air still, but we're less than two weeks away from the Wick's first friendly. Although looking at this pic of an angry looking Shaun modelling the new Wick shirt, complete with sponsor's logo, you'd think perhaps friendliness is not on his agenda. Perhaps someone has changed his shift pattern or taken his usual peg in the changing room? Anyway - with Shaun's prodigious follow through -which often lands him up close enough to shake hands with first slip, Wickman reckons this is a sight that opposition openers will see a lot of this Summer...

World Cup - Wickman humbled

So the World Cup has reached a weird lull. No games on Thursday or Friday of the UK bank holiday. Wickman is only missing it because he's had some work to do and wanted to force the dustbins from the kitchen so he could concentrate - cricket on the box works without fail.

Frankly it's now becoming so obvious who the final four will be that they'd do well to get on with it rather than put a break in at this point. Wickman's fancying of India has obviously backfired. Who would have thought they'd get turned over by the Banglas - who've subsequently gone on to play like minnows? The Pakistanis going out was just as unpredictable. Frankly, well done to Ireland but short of that chap Rankin who's looked fairly useful with the cherry... erm... snowball, they've looked "plucky" ever since that win. And having those two in the super 8s has devalued this phase of the competition. And if Wickman has to see that chicken dance thing again...

Obviously it wasn't planned. We're supposed to be watching a feast of the test playing nations smashing 7 bells out of each other. But with the Irish and Banglas in the mix there are 1o games that we couldn't give a thruppeny bit about (them versus everyone else apart from England) and then one - Ireland vs Bangladesh - which will be the Super 8 wooden spooooooooooon playoff. Shan't be staying up to watch the highlights of that one.

So to the rest of it. No plaudits for Wickman saying that the QF qualifiers looked certain to be Aus, Jaapies, India and WI. No challenge for the title of Mr Cricket there... England would now need to win six on the trot to pick up the trophy. Assuming that we would beat Bangladesh when we come up against them and that the Windies have given up we'd have to beat Australia twice, South Africa to condemn them to miss out and maybe Sri Lanka again. Wickman last saw a task this hopeless when he turned over his chemistry O level paper.

Wickman hopes that England at least turn out one decent performance before they come home. The bowling and fielding effort against Sri Lanka was spectacular. You couldn't have asked for more or a better effort at restricting an exciting batting line up to a reasonable score. And then the batting was tragic. The openers threw it away again, the "batsmen" couldn't see the task through and were shown up by a man who sledges by apologising for the fact he's playing and a 21 year old whose inclusion in the party had cricket writers hurriedly trying to disentangle their eyebrows from their hairlines - well, apart from Nasser of course - who is a prime candidate for the same mob who fixed up Goochie's barnet. Wasn't he Nasser's mentor at some point? Get on with with it Goochie. Put us viewers out of our televisual misery.

Oh well, at least Wickman is not Brian Charles Lara - arguably the most amazing bat Wickman has had the pleasure to watch but currently soaking up a sackful of abuse, hate mail and opprobrium for failing to whip the rabble of a team into QF qualifying shape... those same critics should be worshipping at his table. Without BCL the Windies would have been dead, cremated and scattered years ago. Unlike our friend Frank Henry Bean...

Thank you Doddy

It is a sign of the times we live in when you are suspended by your arms half way down a man-hole, with your feet sloshing around in a several years worth of DBW Tea induced bowel movements, to look up and see your team mates, friends, and would-be rescuers holding back the sniggers.

Not only that, but half of them, instead of rushing to your aid have one hand in their pockets contemplating a grab for their the mobile phones so they can forever immortalise the moment their clumsy keeper fell in the sceptic tank.

I am just grateful that Doddy is new to the Wick.

Joey's delight

The end of the sightscreen. Cess and Matty D wheel the now defunct sightscreen to its fiery death. Joey awaits with chainsaw and bonfire... two small volunteers show that you don't need to be big to be Wick...

Who is Wick this weekend?

The following people are Wick because they made the effort to come down this weekend and get the club up and running for the season. Wickman salutes, in no particular order: Andy Mooray, Keith*, Joey*, Lownsey*, Matty D*, Cess Fabregarf*, Cranesy, Ian "Tun-up" Taylorson, Jim D, Clarky*, Kirky, Jimmy C, Billy, Doddy*, Fudgey, Mackie and AJ. Highlights included Goldy breaking the chainsaw within five minutes "and (he) wasn't even pissing about", Garf's cesspit diving antics, Clarky's radical approach to fence post removal, the discovery of soiled kecks and tights in the driveway (the sooner those gates go back up, the sooner it won't be that dark corner where you can crimp one off on the way back from Oceana and a Ruby Murray), Joey's physics lesson with the petrol and the bonfire and a whole host of Wickings. All those people with * by their name gave up both days of their weekend - a massive sacrifice with the season not up and running yet. All of these people will go to bed tonight slightly more Wick than they were on Friday. Here a very small person and a very tall person display exemplary teamwork.

In the sh1t again

A top tip for anyone Wick enough to be clearing the brambles outside the cellar door of the club. That pallet is there for a reason. As Garf discovered yesterday. Someone moved it. Some (Mackie) say Clarky wants one last season of 1s keeping. Others say Garf himself is looking to become the Lee Evans of the Wick. However it moved, Garf fell down into the cesspit and almost met a stinking demise. Imagine filling out that death certificate. Drowned in cess. Or even, died of embarrassment. Cess Fabregarf is Wick.