Guess Who the Zulus Are…

The Wick bowling attack has S&L 9 down but can't make the final breakthrough

HWRCC 4xi vs Staines and Laleham
HWRCC 194-8 (45.5 overs) Clark 79, Miles 46
Staines and Yawnham 89-9 (45 overs)
HWRCC winning draw (4pts) by 105 runs

Zulu is a film that we watch at Easter and other bank holidays. It commemorates the battle of Rourke’s Drift in 1879. It’s a rollicking good watch.

The Brits were trying to take over Southern Africa. No doubt we were pretty keen on diamonds, gold and nice beaches. Quite rightly the local populace were less than impressed.

Thousands of them gathered together at Isandlwana and kicked seven shades of shit out of the Brits and then surrounded a handful of fleeing infantry, engineers and the wounded at a missionary station in Natal. The Brits had guns, officers, a bit of pluck and skills. The oppo – Zulus – had numbers (about 4000), plenty of very sharp looking spears, one or two rifles and the geographical advantage.

11 Victoria Crosses were won at Rourke’s Drift. Wave upon wave of Zulu warriors charged at the station – eventually the Brits fell back in a last ditch stand – and following the fiercest hand to hand combat you can imagine eventually the Zulus decided enough was enough and withdrew. In real life this was because a relief army was on its way. In the film there is singing of songs – Zulu warriors saluting the bravery of their foe, the Brits belting out Men of Harlech.

Today’s game of cricket was a bit like the battle of Rourke’s Drift. It was, like that battle, eventually a draw after waves and waves of Wick pressure were repulsed by S&L. But there the similarity ends. If the S&L mob are handing out Victoria crosses this morning it would be a shame. And the men of the Wick will not be singing songs of praise for their bravery. And Wickman doubts very much that Staines will be returning the favour either.

The Staines skipper had, like the Brits, lost a battle before he got to the Wick – the 3s skipper had taken all his batting. So a rag tag army turned up to Kingsfield, won the toss, decided to bowl (ATS – Clarky would have done the same) and gave up at tea, never chasing the target.

That said, he had bought his best attack with him. Which makes it all the more surprising that Miles and Clark put on 125 for the first wicket, batting authoritatively and accelerating well after they’d seen the shine off. There were a few edges and the odd drop – Clarky was palmed over the boundary for one of his sixes and Miles was put down by a bowler – but this was not a streaky partnership. It was hot out there and they thoroughly demoralised the oppo and ground them into the dust.

The oppo started with some control – four of their five maidens were bowled in the first 8 overs – but once the batsmen got used a pitch that had some skiddy pace in it – they plundered runs at a rate of 5 an over so that by over 30 125 had been amassed. There were some good looking shots out there. A pulled six and a bullet quick off drive from Clarky, late cuts and chunky drives from Miles were the highlights. The perfect platform had been set for those who would follow.

Miles departed a boundary sort of his fifty caught at mid off attempting to find that boundary. Lloydy drove down the wrong line and was bowled. It’s often like that after you’ve sat and watched for 30 overs. Clark eventually perished with the score on 155 from 36. A fightback by S&L at this point snuffed out much acceleration (Edmonds and Usman tried to give it some tap) and we reached 194 from 45.4. There was some muttering about umpiring decisions – but as these are our teammates they are our umpiring decisions…

The pick of the oppo bowlers was opener Cole and Gyves Jr was surprisingly rapid. He’s going to be a handful in a couple of years. Rafiq sprayed it around a bit and picked up a few wickets. Gyves Sr took a couple of wickets when the slog was on.

You know of course, in hindsight, that this was too many runs. Why did the acting skipper of the day bat on this long? S&L came third in this league last year and have regularly put decent scores on. His reasoning was to give them the same number of overs back as they should have been capable of chasing. In the event we probably could have declared after 30 overs and still won the game. Because S&L never really made even a token attempt.

Tea – Wickman has been away a long time and had forgotten DBW’s arts. It was magnificent to be back tasting that special sauce in the egg sandwiches etc. As per there was nothing different and there were no home baked cakes so it’s a very creditable 8 and exactly why Clarky came out of retirement.

The Staines innings was largely an abomination – the hideous mutated offspring of an alien beast, a Chernobylled Zebu and one of those American women who has had too much plastic surgery. Did anyone on their side really believe there was a chance they could chase this? Wickman doubts it. A couple of shots were played in anger, but the leading scorer for S&L was our old friend E X Tras who amassed 38. Which meant that all of S&L’s batsmen together put on a measly 51 from 45 overs. Crap really.

For S&L the Colts Hunt and Gyves look like proper cricketers who in the future will make many runs for S&L - but in the engine room of the S&L reply they were not going to be able to move things on quick enough. Perhaps Rafiq and Carty might have been able to make a go of it, but neither really got in for long enough.

Our bowling was good. Three colts – Jack Smith, James Hoppe and Olly King – between them produced the figures 17-6-25-3 – which was very good indeed. Jack was 5-3-2-1! All bowled with admirable control and did exactly what was asked of them. Phenomenal stuff. Usman bowled 9 overs of interesting looking off spin and took a wicket. Collier too. Splinter and even Clarky took a wicket each. But when a side has decided to shut up shop – which probably happened round about the 10 over mark – balls have to be hitting the stumps to have a chance of taking wickets and not enough of ours were. A couple of stiff chances were put down in the cordon but the standard of the fielding was good.

In such situations tempers fray and there were some fractious moments. The umpires need to be on top of things and look like they know the rules – which wasn’t the case here. A bump ball catch was appallingly adjudicated causing annoyance all round – eventually Wickman thinks the right decision was made – the batsman was reinstated – but that was largely done through negotiation as the umpires conspired together to give the benefit of the doubt, largely on the testimony of the batsman.

Elsewhere one of their bats started complaining about our over rate when the skipper and keeper were mid conference – which earned him a sharp retort about pots and kettles which he didn’t like – before hilariously running himself out the next ball and then, for all the world, looking like he was going to murder Lloydy. Unedifying…

We took wickets regularly but no attacking shots were being played towards the end and it became harder and harder to winkle folk out. One of the oppo played French cricket for his entire innings and got very upset that he was receiving some needle. He celebrated the draw hard at the end. It didn’t feel like anyone should be handing out medals...

Staines went away whining that we had bowled our overs slowly and were in some bad humour because of it. Here are the facts: Staines and Laleham took 3.5 hours to bowl their overs. Due to Clark smashing some of it into the bushes they wasted some time looking for balls certainly. We bowled ours (including three extra overs of extras) in 2.45 hours. 45 minutes faster. Erm – 16.36 overs per hour. Staines and Laleham bowled theirs at 12.85. A bit crap really.

These mutterings aside it was a good game for the Wick. In hindsight we had far too many runs. But we had 45 overs to bowl the oppo out and that should have been enough. To get so agonisingly close was a bit of a bore but a dominant performance should be some comfort. The Zulus didn’t manage to get a victory at Rourke’s Drift despite the Brits being about 8 down on a very dodgy track… No doubt the top Zulu would be saying that they’d had the best of the game too…

MOM Clarky. Runnssss.

Stoke D'Ab 1s vs HWRCC 1xi - Match Report by Matty D

HWRCC 1xi beat Stoke D’Abernon 1xi by 1 wicket (50/50)
Stoke 127 ao, 45 overs.
HWRCC 128-9, 49.3 overs. Stephens 38*

Stoke chose to bat on a track that played dead and low. I probably would have bowled first too, but it was a good toss to lose. Tongy was late so his brother showed him up, working well with Noman to build some pressure that resulted in a drag on to the dangerous opener. The other dangerous opener was then snaffled by Davies at Mid off, again Tong being the bowler, to ensure that the Wick were on top early on. Runs were slow and wickets fell regularly. With the exception of Vish who failed to settle, all bowlers kept things tight. Anything short was easy pickings, but as it was so slow, often anything that was short was such a surprise that the batsmen often popped their shoulder out playing cross batted. Daisy again bowled beautifully without luck and Tongy (G) on arrival saw early success only to fade like a Duracell Bunny only half charged (the effect of too much sun and surf in France the previous week). The final pair put on over 25 to turn a bad 98 into a poor 127ao off about 45 overs. The pitch wasn’t a minefield, you just had to be clever about scoring shots.

Tea was excellent, even Alison gave it a 9. Rice salad, chicken nibbles, sandwiches aplenty, fruit salad. Very good.

The response started serenely enough, until against the run of play (not that things were rollocking along) Tong (I) feathered one behind to start a procession of wickets. Neither Ali nor Raza troubled the scorers much (or at all). Davies joined Day who immediately holed out to the day's most dangerous bowler (22), leaving the score perilous at about 25-3. Davies then saw Rudolph and Byrne pass before he even got off the mark. Naturally he then went as well and we were seriously stuttering against decent medium pace and controlled spin bowling. Runs on the board can make you do funny things.

Vish made a few, as did Tongy, but when they were in the hutch at 80-9 in all honesty it should have been over. Step forward Ben Stephens and Finbar Murray. With some application and patience they nurdled their way along, waiting for the bad balls and running hard. Despite the ground being small, the grass was long and the slow pitch meant it was difficult to reach the boundary. A hill on one side also slowed many a ball that would have gone for a boundary. Fin hit one big six over square, but for the most part it was little nudges to 3rd man and quick singles to vacant cover that kept us in the game. I wasn’t really nervous because we were so far behind it wasn’t worth getting worried. Perhaps I was in the minority.

Daisy told us about a game when his side had chased 260 having been 35-5. Outrageous. Somehow we found ourselves needing to increase the run rate in order to get home, with 4 an over being unprecedented in the conditions. With 5 needed off the last over, Fin got a single (3rd man) and Ben decided he had to hit a boundary. So the story goes ‘I decided I was going to hit him over his head and I swung but it was shorter that I initially thought. I just kept going with it and it arced round to square but it came off the middle.’ It sure did. One bounce four and we had won with 3 balls to spare. Stoke were understandably down, us the opposite.

Experience - you can’t buy it. Youth - you can’t buy it.

MOM – Ben Stephens. Hero.

Kempton CC 4xi vs Hampton Wick Royal CC 4xi
Kempton won the toss
HWRCC 175 all out in 39.2 (McMullen 44, Clark 36 – Smith 5-46)
Kempton 168 all out in 49.4 (Osbourn 56, R Inger 30, E X Tras 29!!! - McMullen 5-24)
HWRCC wins by 7 runs

Selves*, Holland+, Miles, Edmonds, Clark, Mcmullan, Mohit, Lown, Linter, Laight, Unsworth

McMullen Clinches Win as Others Clench

Back in the day Wickman had a job in an organization that specialised in working with British Industry to determine whether products were, as they say in the world of business, fit for purpose. People there spent years in committees determining how to describe what various widgets were for and how they should be made. It was mind numbing stuff. One committee had been meeting twice a year and working in between for 20 years and still had not been able to come up with a definition for what a mountain bike actually was. If you think about it hard enough, they said to Wickman, you’ll realise how difficult it actually is.

Wickman sympathised and hoped journalists would never call to ask why it was taking so long as he wondered whether they would share the committee’s bepuzzlement. On balance he felt not. There was however one part of the organization which seemed like great fun to part of. Here, on a trading estate North of London, a team of engineers systematically beat the cr*p out of things to work out when they broke. This was to determine whether they would do their job when in situ. Wickman watched as sleds containing dummies were crashed into walls, things were fired at other things and weights were dropped on helmets for example. Scrupulous notes were taken etc etc.

Yesterday was such a stress test for the Wick’s fourth eleven – the place, apart from the 1xi, where the experienced eye lingers to determine strength and depth of a club’s resources. Test conditions were not ideal. Kempton’s second pitch is next to Sunbury’s most leafy avenue and is football pitch shaped with short boundaries to left and right and a longish slog to the straight ones.

As last week Clarky’s car key sank into the depths of the strip immediately. It was stodgy. More worryingly for nervous batsmen, all over the square, which seemed to be hewn from a football pitch, there were strange plants growing. It looked like some of the growing beasties from the Invasion of the Body Snatchers were competing for space and light with a plethora of Audrey II’s from Little Shop of Horrors. Some of these were round about a good length. Like Lords it sloped from one side of the track to the other. Viewed from one angle, with the back of Kempton Park’s grandstand in the background you could almost convince yourself… no – it was a rotten looking deck which would claim victims in equal measure later in the match.

Unlike last week the toss was lost and this week the Wick would be asked to set a target. Whilst last week the batting looked thinner than Clarky’s hair on top, this week there was some depth to it and this would prove crucial. In the opening exchanges Phil Miles looked busy but he would perish early to Osborn bowled and before Clarky could get his bearings, Charles was done by one that moved a mile off the pitch. VERY unlucky. Selvesy joined and like last week he and Clarky attempted to steady the ship. Unfortunately before too long Selvesy top edged a sweep and spooned one up to the man on the 45. 20-3. Dutchy – who looked just short of a million dollars – arrived in the middle and boshed it around a bit before calling a second to a mis-field and finding himself just short of his ground.

And so the Wick was deep in the mire with 34 on the board and four men back in the hutch. Kirky came out and played extremely straight and extremely sensibly before blazing a series of cuts and late cuts to the boundary, looking like a club version of David Gower.

Clarky, still circumspect as last week, was though finding the middle of the bat this week and combined cautious defence of the straight stuff with some attacking blows. A savage clubbed four down the ground came right out of the middle like a rocket and almost killed Lownsy (umpiring) and Kirky (non-striker) before whistling to the boundary and immediately necessitating fundamental field changes. From last week where the ring around him was tighter than the proverbial gnat’s rear end, this week he was offered singles down the ground to longs off and on which he took gratefully. Just as he was beginning to look good – an enormous maximum off a bouncer clubbed into Sunbury’s premier residential street and someone’s front garden, clearing on the way impressively tall horse chestnuts - he was undone by drinks and not the ones he had had the night before.

Having seen off with Kirky one of the openers, Inwood, he became frustrated by his inability to smear away the filthy looseners from the new bowler after the break and patted a full toss to cover on the boundary. A tame end to an innings which was promising more and a partnership which had put on 45. And once again the Wick was on the knife edge. With such a small ground we needed to kick on and get some runs because despite our bowling attack we would need some to defend. At this point we had only 79 which was not enough.

Kirky too perished as drinks brought not one but two. Mohit – who likes to mow hit as we know from Matty D – then did just that and entertained with a very brisk and boundary-laden 19 before running himself out. He was partnered by Paddy McM who first quietly and then explosively tore into the change bowlers pulling anything short over the short boundary for six. He rattled along, belieing his age and the pitch to a swashbuckling 44 before unfortunately holing out to mid on.

Smith for the oppo who filthily removed Clarky, was flourishing now as the lower order bats started to whirl like dervishes and would pick up five. You can’t argue with the book but we think he will bowl better without quite reaching the same juggy heights. Unsworth played very well from 9 and scored an entertaining 20 something. Splints picked out long off Inwood, who was extremely surprised to pouch another having just got rid of Paddy at long on, and there remained only time for Lown to get off the mark with a boundary (ATS) before Runsworth got the double brackets to end our knock.

At the break between the innings 176 felt like enough. But the relative brevity of our innings – we failed to fully utilise the 40th over – left Kempton 51 overs to reply. You can look at it two ways. We probably wouldn’t have declared at 40 although Wickman did not quiz the skipper on this and by chucking away a few wickets almost certainly unwittingly created a game of it. Our innings was dominated by Paddy’s knock and without it would have been too brief and insubstantial. Only a herculanean performance with the ball by a bowler would deny him the MOM Wickman ruminated on the way to tea. That so many lower order bats chipped in spoke volumes for the resilience in the side and passed the stress test mentioned earlier. On another day we might have struggled to amass 120 with half the side gone. As it was the last four wickets produced almost 100 runs. Well played.

And so to tea. Kempton teas have been described before most mouth wateringly by Sir Matthew of D after a 1s visit and Wickman’s saliva was already washing like the tide over coastal rocks around his teeth before he saw it. Good pasta smells tickled his nostrils along with the tang of garlic bread. Sandwiches were cut both on the angle and into fingers and were prepared with fresh bread. One of the sandwiches surprised and delighted - where Wickman had anticipated egg, coronation chicken was discovered to much jubilation (geddit?).

There were cakey things including coconutty marshmallowy numbers. Here was a tea in which its creator had demonstrated pride and skill. We liked it and lingered long at it like weary travellers at a wayside inn after a long day on the road. As ever there were quibbles - the tea, good, strong was served in thin plastic mugs with a message about recycling on them which failed to hold the brew at temperature and slightly irritated too. The lack of a homemade cake taken with this minor muggy blemish takes us down to an 8.5. Make no mistake though this tea has set the bar high. In Wickman’s memory only Ripley has surpassed it. But the memory of Ripley sours as they were unutterable knobbers which left a bitter taste. Unlike this tea which was close to superb, and this oppo who were personable and played the game in the right way.

And so their reply and the second part of the stress test. Our side was populated with decent bowling – folk who have on merit represented more illustrious xis including Unsworth and Lown, and others including Paddy and Splints who have taken wickets at 2xi and 3xi level. The track was drier than when our top order had batted on it, but like tea was no cakewalk. We also had a top quality ex 1s wicket keeper in Dutchy who pressured bats all afternoon by standing up to all the bowlers and the younger folk – Dommy, Splints, Runsworth, Charles and Paddy in particular would look sharp in the field.

But oh how those short boundaries beckoned. The opening partnership started relatively cautiously. One of them looked like a greyhound in the field and a decent cricketer who could take the game away from us. Fortunately for us he nailed Dom straight to the point boundary fielder as those on the sidelines prematurely celebrated a six. Pouched by Unsworth. Chloe Springer likes this.

Number 3 was R Inger. Turning up in our 39th over and wearing club stash, he pouched a catch as his first contribution. Here he looked assured, contemptuous and started to smash it all over the place. Investigation shows a ton for their 2s and a 70 for their 1s. He raced to 30 before a full pitched ball from Dom defeated his drive and crashed into his Forrest Gumps. So Dom had done his job and done it well removing the 2 really dangerous looking top order bats.

Mohit removed a stubborn looking Miah and Paddy got rid of Mekwan who was beginning to look useful. That said he couldn’t see the ball as he hadn’t brought his glasses (“should have gone to Specsavers” P. Linter I thangyoo) so that was the only useful looking he was doing. But the other cricketer in their xi who looked a class above, Osborn, settled in, stood tall and drove the ball with authority. Just as we got them to five down Osborn, first in partnership with Lee and then skipper Wilsdon began to turn the tie towards Kempton. Just when we needed bowling of real discipline, from one end we kept pitching the ball half way down the track and must have given Osborn five or six straightforward boundaries through an undefended midwicket.

The partnership with Wilsdon was particularly fruitful – the skipper had one shot into the off side to get him to the other end while he watched Osborn bat. Together they put on 44 of which Wickman would wager Osborn scored 40. With 13 needed the game looked up but then Selvsey pulled off a captaincy masterstroke and brought back Paddy to partner the naggingly accurate Unsworth who was keeping us in the game by keeping the runs down at one end.
And now, just as the test was at its most stressful, with any a handful of runs required, the youngest member of our team passed it nervelessly. Unlike his more experienced colleagues Paddy bowled full and straight from his end and gave us a chink of light by bowling Osborn who had gone past 50 by now. He repeated the dose in the same over with the new bat and then took the final two wickets in his next. And all this just as Kempton’s 1s had arrived to hang out with Richard Inger and take the piss. The winning margin was a mere 7 runs and they melted away stealthily not wanting to be tainted by defeat.

Brilliant game of cricket. Had everything bar dodgy decision making. MOM is Paddy. His was the classic all-rounder performance. Bosh runs when needed and then bowl a nerveless spell at the death with only 13 runs to play with and four wickets needed. Three were bowled, full and straight, the other caught behind of another full and straight ball. Great stuff.

And by the way. We’re top of the division today. It may not last but it’s an achievement to be proud of.

Match Report - Shepperton vs 1xi - by Rowan Atkinson

Shepperton 213-9 (52 Overs)
Wick 214-3 (30+ overs) Stallone 80, Atkinson 53
Wick 1s wick Shepperton 1s by 7 wkts.

Scorecard... you'll need it... Without googling, which two of these films was not filmed at the famous Shepperton Film Studios?

a. Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
b. Ghandhi
c. The Guns of Navaronne
d. Shakespeare in Love

If Saturday was a film, this is how it would go:

Shepperton have gone well thus far, but we have good memories from last year, and are in great form, so were confident. Rowan Atkinson won the toss for the first time this season and was delighted to invite Shepperton to bat on an extremely flat track. Sylvester Stallone felt it might turn a bit but Atkinson wasn’t so sure. Either way we knew 10 wickets would be a tough ask, even with our bowling attack.

Jonny Depp, his brother The Fonz on debut and Vin Diesel turned up at 1320. Apparently they had left at 11am and the traffic was ‘bad’. Yeah no sh*t, Atkinson wasn’t happy, and The Kung Fu Panda was fuming, but these things happen. The start was all a bit of a rush, but Stallone and Diesel made an excellent start with the new ball – both finding admirable control on a pitch that wasn’t offering anything. The new ball was used well, and both were soon finding the edges, with Atkinson and Depp failing to hold onto chances. On the plus side, Stallone did hold one at 2nd slip for Diesel, who also sneaked one through the defences. Stallone himself then brilliantly cleaned up the aggressive #3 and at 50-3 we were going well. Depp replaced Diesel although by now nothing much was happening and batting was getting easier.

The Fonz had a go and was joined at the other end by Tom Cruise who set the field back to see if he could induce a false stroke. He did, caught on the boundary, much to the surprise of the catcher – Matt Damon. The ball before he had fumbled around like a teenage Keith (Justin Timberlake) having seen his first boobie, and it had gone between his legs much to his embarrassment. The Fonz also got one to nibble to Macourlay Culkin behind the sticks. His girlfriend (Sandra Bullock) was most impressed when he turned up with his mum (Jennifer Coolidge) to cheer the boys on.

5 down and more changes were needed – the track was still easy-peasy to bat on. In fact it seemed to be getting easier. Panda had a go, as did James Brown, whose reverse swing seemed to tie down the late order well. Hard work in the field for the boys, with the ever vocal and enthusiastic Taylor Lautner keeping the boys going. A few lusty blows from Shepperton at the end saw them to a below par but admirable 213-9 from the full allocation of 52. Wickets were shared around so no-one really stood out with the ball. Perhaps Diesel was the pick.

Teas – well... controversially I'm going to give them a 9. Not only was there variety and volume, you had napkins and the option of cordial drink as well as Tea – something often forgotten by many-a-tea creator. A great mix of staples and home made fare. Also, I do enjoy a good old fashioned tea lady (as opposed to Brian Blessed that we have) and for that they score very highly. Unfortunately Atkinson wasn’t able to eat much due to nerves.

Said nerves were however soon lost upon the start of the Wick innings. Stallone, surviving a chance 2nd ball, soon got into things. The tactic of the old ball wasn’t working. Especially as said ball was soon lost over cow and a new (but not new) ball was needed. Atkinson wasn’t far behind and when the new ball did come both were seeing it like a Pair of DDs and were in no mood to see off the shine. The partnership was over 130 off less than 20 overs before Stallone clipped one to midwicket for 80. Diesel joined in – the atmosphere being one of Sunday resignation. Robert De Nero behind the sticks got involved and nailed Diesel and Atkinson soon followed having brought up his 50. It was then left to the classy Panda and Culkin to see us home off 32 overs without any fuss. Bullock seemed very impressed. Special thanks again to Eliza Cuthbert whose pretty patterns in the scorebook continue to make a mockery of Chedwards attempts on Sundays.

And thats a wrap.

Oh – the answer is d.

That's Just Not Cricket - 2xi vs Godalming - A view from the Balcony

"Green Top at Wick 'Not Cricket'" - Ed

HWRCC 2xi vs Godalming
Godalming 99 (Fahad 4-18)
HWRCC 100-4 (High 47*)
HWRCC wins by 6 wickets

Scoreboard

Godalming made the trip to the WICK on Saturday and in a tight league where the top 5are separated by just 10 points every game seems to have an added sense of importance attached to it. Godalming did the double over the 2s last year (gifted two wins by inadequate displays) and yet despite us finishing 30 points ahead of them in the league the Balcony felt that we really owed them one.

With the local area having seen its first real soaking of the spring/summer in the days leading up to Saturday's match, we were greeted with a green pitch and a lush outfield. Despite its greenness on top, it was firm below and promised to do plenty early on but with bright skies and drying wind this would be an important toss to win. Skipper Fudge did just that and had no hesitation in asking the oppo to bat.

If you have ever played at Godalming you will know that is the best batting track in the league. If you haven’t, think of an Oval net with short boundaries and a bare outfield. The bounce is true and the pace prefect enabling batsman to play through the line and get maximum reward for their shots. However Godalming is not the norm so you can understand Skipper Fudge's surprise when he saw the surprise on Godalming faces on being confronted by a green top. The pitch was already in their heads as the majority of the team stood looking over it, cursing. Fudgey for one doesn’t mind a sporty track and we all think that a fair contest between bat and ball always makes for a better game and invariably an early finish (hiccup). Runs scored in testing conditions or even good bowling to exploit a helpful pitch live longer in the memory than a boring run fest and a dull draw. That’s just not cricket.

So The Wick had the psychological advantage, now The Wick had to make the most of winning the toss by bowling well and taking its chances. Webster (legitimate excuse) arrived 20 mins after the start of play so Dom Lown and Fahad Tanveer (late with no legitimate excuse) took the new ball. Both made an excellent start, bowling tight lines and joining the dots before Tanveer made the breakthrough having the opener Stow caught behind. You often hear the saying “bowling in partnerships” and we saw real evidence of that on Saturday as Lown continued to bowl well and keep things tight whilst Fahad claimed the first three wickets of the innings. On another day Lown would have grabbed a couple himself however a return of 0/19 from 7 proved to be the perfect foil for his partner. Fahad bowled with pace and control, cart wheeling Dawson’s off peg before being too quick for skipper Tunna (normally caught fishing outside off stump according to legend) and bowling him too. Godalming were 21-3 and furthermore were still seemed distracted by a pitch that actually hadn’t contributed at all to any of their dismissals.  

Skipper Fudge in his new role of a “batsman who bowls, but not quite enough to be considered an all-rounder for fantasy cricket purposes” replaced Lown and once again (to the continued amazement of his team and himself) found consistent lines and lengths at a quick enough pace. By this time the Godalming batsman Wright and ex-skipper Harms were digging in and although still struggling to time the ball, they were at least getting in behind the ball looking to build a total that would at give them a chance of returning home with some points. 21/3 became 51/3 before the skipper struck with a ball that pitched on middle stump and jagged away from the left handed Harms. Harms did well to get an outside edge on it and Harry did well to get to an excellent catch low down. 51/4!

Webster, who had now been on the pitch long enough to allow him to bowl, replaced the excellent Fahad and immediately caused the batsmen problems. Wright was caught (more groped, gathered and clutched) by Jackson at cover for 19 and Powell plucked at silly mid-off by Naveendra for 0. Godalming were on the rocks at 61/6. Enter Hale and Haine. Hale who was by far the most vocal of the Godalming players regarding the state of our pitch continued to mutter and shake his head during his brief and uneventful stay at the crease. Perhaps he should have put more energy into smashing short and wide balls from the tiring Fudge than bemoaning the surface however he neglected to take up these invitations and when Fudge finally relocated his radar he cleaned him up with a ball far too quick for this no.6.        

So that brings us on to Haine. We don’t normally comment on oppo players except in passing but Haine is a strange chap and invited speculation in this particular instance. He too was apparently unhappy with the conditions and proceeded to what we can only describe as sulk for the length of his innings. Between balls he mainly spent his time with his arms crossed, looking to the ground, or on other occasions he would spit and phlegm on the track (that's just not cricket) making it even greener that it already was. One gets the impression he would have rather have been anywhere else but the WICK on Saturday and based on his behaviour we shared the same sentiment. He was eventually dismissed in uncertain circumstances. Given out for hitting the ball on to his boot and being caught again by Naveendra at silly mid-off there was confusion as to whether or not it had hit the boot, the ground or his spit? Either way, Nav took a great catch and he was back in the hutch. Wickets 9 & 10 followed shortly after and Godalming were dismissed for 99. Tanveer finished with WICK best figures of 4/18, Fudge 2/22, Webster (who has been excellent this year) 3/20 and Nav 1/14. Our old friend E X Tras top scored with 25 and the WICK required exactly 100 from exactly 60 overs to win.

Tea was Tea. A typically great home spread that always gets an 8 or a 9, but bagged the higher of those two marks this week for pre-Wimbledon strawberries. What more is there to say? Nothing! So we will briefly touch on teatime habits and two players in particular that caught this scribe's eye.

This is my 18th consecutive season playing at the WICK and your correspondent has worked out that in that time I must have averaged at least 15 DBW teas a year, it follows that I have eaten somewhere in the region of 800 cheese and tuna combination sandwiches in over 270 sittings. And in those years I have shared tables with some of the WICK greats including Flux, Mansfield, Kennedy, Culham & Bloom but this Saturday I had the pleasurable company of Risman and Lown. “Riso” is a legend in his own time, WICK through and through. He has played at the WICK for years but if anything he seems to be getting younger, not older!! And maybe I have discovered his secret? Sweet no Savory! A plate full of cakes, scones, muffins and biscuits were accompanied by a strong cup of tea, this is the diet of a man who has played cricket in three (maybe four) decades for the WICK. Is it the sugar that he thrives on or the reluctance to try and DBW egg sandwich? Whatever the answer it works for him and will dramatically effect the way that I “tea” from now on. Lown on the other hand goes for a balanced approach piling up a plate full of sandwiches and savoury items before making his way to the sweet end of the table where he carefully selects which biscuit or cake will be his pudding. These are carried separately to the savoury items (careful not to cross contaminate the two) back to his seat before being placed direct onto the table. This caught Riso’s eye in particular as he remarked about the cleanliness of the table, but Lown seemed satisfied in the knowledge that DBW had properly wiped down and with his job (bowling) done he tucked into his hearty meal.

So to the run chase! Another low total, with plenty of overs but in true WICK style there would be the odd hiccup and nervous moment before we could celebrate a well deserved 13 points. The biggest of those moments came at 25/4 with Cole, Fudge, Goulborn & Jackson all dismissed by the impressive Dominic Dawson but (as the balcony pointed out) with the batting order just about right it was concluded that we had all got out on purpose in order to let the men in form finish the job.

Mackie and High in particular were watchful early on and then clinical later on as they accelerated their innings perfectly to see the WICK home by 6 wickets. At this level High is the most talented batsman in the league and could (provided he stays with the 2s and doesn't get a well deserved call up to the 1s) win the league for us. His destructive style was too much for Haines who bowled shorter and shorter the further and further High despatched him. More foldy armed sulky poses would follow.

So we are now in the top 2, and with the unpredictable Maori in town next Saturday, we will be hoping for another green top and another home victory.

That is Cricket!

MOM - Fahad. It is one thing winning the toss in helpful conditions but it is another bowling brilliantly in them and taking 4 for not very many. He set up the match for High and Mackie to finish.

WICK

Match report – 3xi vs Addiscombe - by Natedawg

"Lloydy's astute criticsim is commemorated by Addiscombe bat in leftover cheese sandwich" - Ed

HWRCC 229 all out (48.2 overs) – Goulbourn 59
Addiscombe 155 all out – Linter 5 for 29
HWRCC win by 74 runs

Scorecard

It is a fairly rare occurrence in league cricket that you have two consecutive away games against two different teams but at the same venue. However, returning to a ground where you had won the previous week and knew how the pitch would play is nevertheless reassuring when travelling to an away game. This week, back at the Queens Park ground in Caterham, the 3s were looking to record their second league victory of the season. The pitch still had a green top and was hard underneath. After winning the toss we decided to have a bat with a target of 200+ in mind showing how high our confidence is at the moment.

Goulborn and Ratnage opened up providing the perfect platform. Without taking too many risks they both batted sensibly pushing the score along at 4 an over until Sam (24) was bowled in the 17th over. Singh and Goldy took the total to 100 off 24 before the skipper kindly presented his outside edge to the opposing captain who gladly accepted it. Wick new boy Danny Byrne then joined Goldy in another 30 run partnership. Goldy continued to occupy the crease comfortably and brought up a beautifully crafted 50 before being caught trying to cut a ball that was too close and got a bit of extra bounce from the pitch.

In previous years the 3s have lacked consistency in the middle order. In one particular game last year against Old Emanuel we were in a similar position of 130 for 3 off 30 overs. In that game we were bowled out for 150 but this time we were able to push on to 229 thanks to Byrne (36), Clements (18) and Lloyd (24) who were unforgiving to any balls that pitched short from Addiscombe’s spinners. It was good to see everyone in the top 6 contributing for the second week in a row and hopefully this type of performance will be the norm and banish any memories of our opening day loss to Esher.

A long tea break followed due to late delivery of the food. The overall spread turned out to be okay with chicken nuggets, pizza and onion bhajis but with an unnecessary amount of cheese sandwiches, [sounds vile - Ed]the late service and the fact that everyone was already starting to look forward to some DBW specials next week I will have to give it a 6/10. [seems too generous - Ed]

Back out for the second half of the game Tommy D and Aqeel were given the new ball. Tommy didn’t play in the last game and after choosing to bowl downhill was presented with a wicket that had good pace and bounce. He took advantage of these conditions, removing the Addiscombe openers cheaply. At the other end Aqeel bowled an excellent 9 over uphill spell removing the leg stump of their number 3 with a great inswinging delivery. After the early wickets Hughes (31) and Narrine (55) put together Addiscombe’s only threatening partnership, involving a few good blows and a number of agricultural hacks that prompted the usually shy and retiring Lloydy to exclaim “what the f**k was that” louder than he had anticipated. Eventually Hughes was run out by some good work from Charlton and Linter and shortly afterwards Narrine’s off stump was removed by Linter to put the Wick firmly in control. Winter with an “L” went on to get another 4 wickets and Bendall 1 wicket as the 3s polished off the rest of the team for about 25 runs.

In summary it was another good team performance. With two consecutive scores above 200 and a strong bowling attack capable of taking 10 wickets we have gained some momentum that we can hopefully build on and keep looking up the table. MOM: This is a tough choice between Goldy and Linter but MoM goes to Goldy for a solid batting performance that set the tone for the game.

Match Report - 2xi vs Old Paulines - by Joey B

"Old Ps delighted by DBW's 'special filling'" - Ed

Who Do You Think You are KIDding?

HWRCC 2xi vs Old Paulines
Old Paulines 156 (Fudge 4-17)
HWRCC 157-3 (High 56)
HWRCC wins by 7 wickets

Scorecard

Saturday saw the 2nd XI “welcome” OLD Paulines to the Wick for what turned out to be another clinical display.

OLD Paulines are a strange team, in that the team that plays against us in the home leg is never the team that plays in the away game. Their better players seem to enjoy coming to the Wick, perhaps it’s the setting, perhaps the egg mayo. I guess we will never know.

The eleven that did turn up on Saturday were are heady mix of BBC stars from the past and Channel 5 stars of the present. I am fairly sure that 2 members from Dads Army were playing and at least a further 4 or 5 from Neighbours.

Anyway let’s get down to business.

Fudgey lost the toss and rather bizarrely we were asked to field, on a wicket which looked like it might be best to bowl on first. Maybe their skipper Grant (who will from now on will be called Tavare) knew something we didn’t.

Leggsy opened up and continued where he left off last week, probing outside off stump and being generally too good. Vishva making his 2nd xi debut opened up the other end and was also on the money. Bar a few lusty blows from O’Reilly the bowlers had the upper hand. The same theme continued for the first 12 overs with both Leggsy and Vish continually beating the bat and the odd random four from O‘Reilly being hit.

Joey B replaced Leggsy and Fahad ( another 2nd xi debutant) replaced Vish after 12 overs and not much changed . Fahad was too quick and accurate for the batters whilst JB just probed outside off stump. It took until the 21st over to make the breakthrough and it was Tavare (10) who fell, deciding that the predicted end of the world due to arrive that evening was punishment enough for everyone and he would spare them another 29 overs of his batting. 54/1 became 54/2 when Fahad trapped Baldock LBW, too fast, too straight and Riley was given the simple task of just raising the “Goldfinger”. OLD Paulines were 55/2 after 25 at drinks.

Leggsy came back after drinks and immediately struck getting Kokri caught behind by the immaculate Copeland 59/3 and the WICK were well on top. A small partnership followed with O’Reilly continuing to punish anything over pitched and Sen trying to put every ball into the car park. That didn’t last long and Leggsy soon had him caught in the covers by Mackie 84/4.

OLD P’s continued to slowly accumulate runs almost exclusively from the bat of O’Reilly who moved nicely onto his half century. This saw Fudgey decide now was the time for him to chance his arm. It took until his 3rd over to strike when Gardner was expertly caught by Pinball in the gully, then next ball he had Hamilton LBW. The hatrick was not to be though 117/6.

Fahad returned to pick up O’Reilly for a well constructed 87, the catch taken by Vish at mid-on and OLD P’s were well in the mire at 141/7. Fudgey claimed another two wickets in two balls bowling Eyre and Clive Dunn, finishing with 4/17. Leaving the score 141/9. JB was allowed to try and pick up the last wicket which he did but not until after he had opened the buffet car and allowed Toadfish to take the score to 156. Toadfish was out for 22 leaving Captain Mannering undefeated on 2 at the other end.

Tea. Yet another new combo from DBW was unveiled, hard boiled eggs with bacon sprinkles to accompany the usual suspects. This seemed to be well received along with the fresh pasta, so an award of 9 this week seems fair.

Run down to the run chase.

We knew that getting off a good start was crucial, and Coley and Fudgey did just that. Fudgey was particularly severe on Kokri who had a penchant for bowling half trackers on leg stump. Toadfish was bowling a very tidy line at the other end but clearly cricket on Ramsey Street is played differently to that in the Surrey Champ and incessant appealing failed to endear him to the watching crowd. Clearly he was working on the theory if you keep asking eventually you will get, and that turned out to be the case as Fudgey was adjudged LBW. 42/1

This brought Charlie High to the crease and he was immediately at his brutal best dispatching balls to the boundary at will. None of the bowlers were able to restrain him and he brought up his 50 in no time with a lovely straight maximum. By the time he was eventually out (56) bowled by Toady the game was over and the Wick were 128/2. Coley fell a few balls later with Toady picking up his third but Mackie and AJ saw it home with the minimum of fuss and 17 overs left. The Wick won by 7 wickets and continued their move up the table.

With Woodmansterne away this weekend the 2s know continuing the winning run is crucial.

MOM - Charlie High for a brilliant 56 and taking the game away from OLD P’s in a flash. Mention must also go to Fudgey for his 4/17 and also Tanveer for 2/21 from his 8 overs on 2nd xi debut.

Match Report - Frimley vs 1xi - by Matteeee Deeeee

"Matty D hears that Dazzle fancies opening up" - Ed

HWRCC 168 Normy 67
Frimley 128 Day, Shri, Normy all 3 for
HWRCC 1xi beat Frimley 1xi by 40 runs
Davies, Razzle, Dazzle, Izzle, Zazzle, Zozzle, Nozzle, O'Mazzle, Navezzle, Tozzle, Shizzle

Scorecard

Ah yes. Frimley. That ol’ Chestnut. Placed alongside the idyllic Siemens UK HQ and Frimley Park Hospital roundabout, Frimley CC is a surprisingly friendly place (don’t know why I say surprisingly) with a lovely little clubhouse and a regular band of followers and incredibly biased but passionate nevertheless cheerleaders. Not all of them wear short skirts – which is a good thing – but they do provide a sense of occasion for what is as always the highlight of my week – Wick cricket.

This week a number of us decided to almost miss said occasion through a variety of laziness, confusion and lack of planning. Its not unusual and to be honest if everyone turned up on time (or even near to on time) It would be a first. And everyone does inform you when they are going to be late, which I suppose is a minor blessing. Gatesy once told me at 2pm that he was going to be late. He then arrived at about 2.45 having been driven back from a function he was working at in Devon. He was still in his work gear and reeked of alcohol. He nevertheless still managed to score 50 and from memory won us the game. It takes all sorts in cricket.

A young and youthful XI (From being the 2nd youngest 3 years ago Im now the 2nd oldest!) were confident of beating a Frimley side that have the players to cause upsets. Last year we got 260 and had them about 230-8 on one of the flattest tracks you will find. The ground is also small, fast and bumpy which means that it can rain boundaries. Think Taunton only with better telephone signal.

Tails always fails apparently so we batted. Adam feathered one early on before Rashid joined Ali for an innings building partnership. Taking the score calmly onto around 60 at 3s, Rashid was then caught at mid off for the 3rd week running having done all the hard work. Two opening bowlers with no place but just enough guile had managed to keep things steady, but with the score ticking on we were confident at this stage with plenty of batting in the hutch. But where were these change bowlers? Surely they must have at least a 3rd bowler somewhere....It took 30 overs to see someone else, which is a shame in many ways. However the plan was working – Ali thought he was playing baseball for one shot, Day skewed one to point, Raza was strangled down the leg side and Davies was clearly tired after getting up so early and missed one from the 1st change bowler who had a striking resemblance to Adam Selves in both appearance and cricketing style. The Asian ethnicity being the only obvious difference between the two.

Naveendra was joined by Zohaak making is competitive batting debut and moved things on from what was a hideous collapse. A bit of luck and few bludgeons ticked the score along, but the nagging straight stuff seemed too much for us and the wick was eventually bowled out for a patry 168. This was an improvement on last week, but at least 50, if not 100 sort of where we should have been. Everyone gets ducks, it’s when you get in and then get out that should keep you awake at night.

Teas are always a good at Frimley – theres something about mass produced baguettes that are almost white in colour and chewy.....with creamy tuna mayo.....oh yess! 8/10.

To be fair, 168 is probably a normal score for us, in fact it was arguably better than our average. We’ve done this before – in fact we do it most weeks.

‘Matty – can I open up today. I fancy a go.’
‘Yes Alex – you may’

Tong and Day were on the money straight up, but we were clearly still asleep. In all 4 catches were shelled (of varying difficulty) and one run out missed. In between all that, and a few meaty off drives by Mr Lion who after having bowled 17 overs opened up, the Wick bowlers were doing us proud. Joey was pretty sharp. Rupert could certainly crank it up. But Day is something else. 3 wickets accounted for 3 of the top 4 – invariably just done for pace – simple as that. Shri then came on and bowled a superb spell of controlled fast bowling – regularly hitting an awkward length and on a great line. 3 wickets also, all bowled (twice uprooting stumps). Ali again continued his improved bowling from 2010 with 3 more wickets and Tong returned to take the final one.

It wasn’t all plain sailing however. From 74-9, Frimley ended up on 128 thanks to some courageous if unorthodox hitting from #11 who should have batted top 6. True the ball was starting to get a bit wet and the pressure was completely off, but nevertheless his T20 knock made the game a lot closer than it was. Well played Sir.

MOM – it's got be Ali for his runs and wickets, but the key to victory was perhaps Day ripping out the heart of the Frimley batting line up and the support offered by Shri at the other end. Again, the team woefully underperformed, but it is 3 wins in 3and like Man U you don’t need to be any good to win things. Im an Arsenal fan btw.

Im all over this Saturday...

Match Report - Ashtead vs Sunday xi - by Selvsey

"Another Bea the Sunday xi might want to get away from" - Ed

You wait for one Sunday Match Report to come along...

HWRCC 133
Ashtead Got them something like 6 down...

Remember back to the second four day bank holiday in one week: no rain, street parties, commoners marrying princes, mass gatherings in London without a kettle to do some kettling in sight and Hampton Wick Royal Cricket Club Sunday XI, away to Ashtead, looked to keep the Royal in the weekend a day longer following the Saturday Wick Wash?

Winning the toss Tong chose to bat and at 32 for 0 from 5 the only issues facing the Sunday XI was if Charlton would think the electric scoreboard was for texting his love interest or if he would pass out from the flatulence in the score box after a royal wedding and a captain’s night at the Wick. But just like Eugene and Beatrice what looks good with a glimpse can be misleading and before Charlton could write “I love you” on the scoreboard the Sunday XI were 67 for 5 from 16.

Out in the middle Rashid was the pick of the early batting looking like Gower till his Husain-like run out (Saddam? ie so slow he was dead? - Ed). Singh looked good until one got through and Miles was sublime, cover drive, then not so with a Strauss (Adelaide day two) leave. Byme hung about for a while and showed promise after a break from the game. Fahad showed promise but didn’t hang about.

Smith and Selves played a quick game of first to pad up goes in next then tested the others early season fitness with some ones and twos before both mistaking the pies to come with the change of bowling as an early sign of tea and holed out wondering when they would next be in the teens with 15 overs left to bat. Meanwhile Charlton’s love messages had worked and he had an audience. A quick 20, with Sadique chipping in a few, left the Sunday XI 133 All Out from 36. Despite Charlton’s girlfriend putting the G in the tail’s WAG the score looked more Duchess of York than Princess Diana and the Sunday XI pondered their chances over some coronation chicken (You're having me on - Ed).

Ashtead started well and at 37 for 0 from 5 the game took on a déjà vu feeling. Fahad had one put down at keeper and then at second slip but a third flew to the right of second slip and Tong caught well. Next ball went straight to second slip again but popped out. With only one option left to assure the wickets his bowling deserved Fahad decided hitting the top of off next ball would do the trick. With one catch, one drop and one bowled in three balls “just do the same again” was easy to say but Fahad did by yorking the next man and taking middle stump. The hat trick next over was not to be but another bowled left Fahad with 4 debut wickets for 38 and Ashtead on 58 for 4. Sadique came on for Fahad and got a good nic for a good catch from Rashid and the Sunday XI looked to be doing more than making a game of it.

As with most tight games there is one person who steps up to make the difference and although Fahad had put the Sunday XI in with a great chance Ashtead’s number 2 was pacing his innings well and sensing the need to up the tempo before running out of partners quickly took himself to 60 and Ashtead to over 100. The Sunday XI did have their chance after tight lines from Tong forced indecision in the Ashtead opener between a front and back foot pull and the ball ballooned between mid off and mid on. Two more royal star crossed lovers appeared as the resulting collision between mid off and mid on left two men on the floor and the Sunday XI’s chance gone. The usual half chances we all imagine could have been more came and went but even with a wicket a piece from Smith and Rashid Ashtead had the time and pushed the ones and twos to get them over the line without taking risks.

A reminder to us all that not all royal love stories end happily and the weekend wick wash was not to be. However, Fahad is clearly a great prospect with the ball for the season and everyone else looked to be getting back into the swing of the new season. 30 more may have been enough, but then Eugene and Beatrice could have picked other dresses and still been upstaged by Pippa Middleton.

Match Report - Merstham vs HWRCC 3xi - by Selvesy

"Selvesey joins the rest of the team for tea on Merstham's outfield" - Ed

HWRCC 3xi 220 for 5 off 45. Clements 63, Byrne 57
Merstham CC 3rd XI 211 Aqeel Ilyas 3 for 27, Fahad Tanveer 3 for 54, Charlton E 3 for 36
HWRCC Wins by 9 runs
Singh, Risman, Ratnage, Selves, Aqeel, Fahad, Laight, Charlton, Byrne, Clements, Linter

Scorecard

As the 3rd XI surveyed the outfield of the first away league match of the season, the pleasures of playing on the main square at the WICK last week were a long way away. The opposition informed us that the game was moved to this ground because someone had in essence stolen their pavilion at the other ground. The fact there was also no pavilion at the new ground was something the boys pondered as they padded up after the invite to have a bat on the other side of the small hills between the boundary and the square.

The wicket had a nice grass cover that looked like it might do a bit, and it did in the bounce department. Ratnage got one and the catch was held. This turned out to be a bit unfortunate for Sam as the fielding then took on the consistency of the outfield (lumpy? - Ed). Risman and Singh took to building a healthy start with some good running against the poor ground fielding and some punishing hitting. Risman then got an assisted LBW from their umpire and then in the thirties Singh let one through.

Byrne and Clements set about building on the good work and kept the score ticking over. At 150 for 3 off 35 the 3s looked to have banished the demons of the batting collapse the week before and built an innings in the way Boycott would be telling them was perfect cricket if the TMS team had got lost while thinking they were walking on the south downs and found a cricket strip in amongst the hills. Byrne and Clements then opened up with some great hitting to finish off two composed and punchy performances and at 220 off 45 Captain Singh called the boys in and they had a picnic in the foothills.

The Wick took to the field and if the batting was a 100% improvement on last week the fielding went the other way. There were quite a few dropped catches throughout that would have put this game to bed, but then that would have ruined a nice story. Fahad and Aqeel opened up with lively spells getting good bounce and tickling the odd face guard. Neither bowler is however afraid to hit the furniture and both gave the stumps a whack and Merstham were 3 for about 15 after great opening spells for the two new Wick bowlers. It is about 15 because there was no scoreboard.

Selves came on up the hill for Aqeel, watched a catch go down then watched his line desert him and received some punishment. When their number five avoided being caught again Selves asked him for his lottery numbers and took a blow thinking of Jimmy C and a week being a long time in cricket. Then in the strange yin and yang relationship that has developed between Selves and Charlton’s bowling (never both take wickets in the same game) Charlton came on down the hill and looked the money. A few words with their lucky number five and a caught and bowled saw the Wick break the one partnership that looked like it could take the game from them. It was a great spell from Charlton that saw three fly past slip somehow not finding a pair of hands. Ratnage came on up the hill and Charlton continued his desire to be involved in every ball as Merstham’s opening bat swept every ball to him at square leg. Byrne offered to go stand in the openers face and when Singh said ok he realized he meant it. It is yet to be decided whether it was more impressive that Byrne nearly took a catch from a full pull about two meters away or the that he didn’t flinch when one hit him full on a few balls later.

Despite the wick proving they had the harder players Merstham were doing a sneaky ticking along of the score board, made all the more sneaky by there not being a scoreboard to tick along and their scorer taking about an over to work out the score when asked. Linter came on down the hill and continued the aggressive fast bowling of the others. Linter tucked up the batsmen and just as things were looking to be hitting a stale mate Linter forced an early shot with a quick ball and Aqeel took the catch running backwards with the ball flying over his head.

Singh didn’t let the new batsmen get comfortable as they started blocking out and rotated the bowling bringing Aqeel and Fahad back into the attack and both picked up wickets wrapping up great starts to their promising Wick carriers as Fahad caught low to his left off Aqeel.

With one wicket to get in 8 overs the Wick looked to be on for the win as Charlton and Linter came back for some more with Merstham needing 36 odd to win. A couple of top edges flying for 4, a dropped catch and a number eleven who did a quick Chris Gale impersonation and it was squeaky bum time for the Wick. But the boys held their nerve and with 9 runs left to win Merstham’s luck ran out and the top edge flew high down to Ratnage at fine leg. There was a long pause as that ball came down then a lot of shouting as the 3s recorded their first league win. Pleased to say Sam’s heartbeat is just returning to normal.

If the 3s field like they did week one and bat like they did week two anything is possible this year and the composure and support of each other in a game that somehow became a nail biter shows great team spirit for some tough games to come.

MOM this week was Fahad. Nathan says:

It is a tough call but I am going to go with Fahad for three wickets and a great catch. He would have picked up more wickets if catches were held.

Match Report - Thames Ditton vs 1xi (Cup) - By M Dizzle

Tea at Thames Ditton "Better than last year" - Ed











HWRCC 165 - Nomaan 51
Thames Ditton Nelson HWRCC 1xi wins by 54 runs

Fire In Babylon is a new film on general release in the coming weeks that charts the rise of the feared 1980s West Indian team. Led by the best batsman in the world (with a great name) and a bowling attack second only to The Wick 1XI from 2006 (Foddy Met, Webbo, Kam, Zam, Cole, Ewen and Barrell), they destroyed all before them with aggression, class and spirit. Therefore seeing a 6-4 West Indian overseas warming up his bowling arm isn’t my idea of fun – perhaps that’s why Shri and Vish swanned off to get some food when they should have been warming up before the match.

‘Hes our new overseas – that lad there’
‘Which one?’
‘The tall fella’
‘Ah yes.’
‘He landed yesterday, we’ve not seen him before. We’ll see how he goes’
‘Indeed......Tails!’
‘Heads it is, we’ll bat!’
‘Welcome to the Fullers mate’

Ali and Bonay against his old team started up with a flurry of boundaries and wides. Almost about 20 wides in fact, all in the first 4 overs! On this evidence, the Thames Ditton overseas will need to have a net to get some legs in him. No doubt he will come good, but not on Saturday. A rollicking (no, I didn’t say B*llocking) start left the Wick at about 70-1 from 10 overs, with Bonay ‘arming’ onto the stumps once the scoreboard had progressed nicely. Ali meanwhile had decided on attack - Sir Viv style. 51 runs later (He can’t have faced more than 35 balls) he was gone but not without a grin to challenge Greg Rusedski. ‘On that track, we’ve already got enough runs’. A bit generous I think, but if the track was playing up, then the loss of Rashid, Raza and Day in quick succession was in part to be expected (Raza missed a full toss – had to get that in there).

Davies emerged and immediately hit it off with the pitch. Sunday red ink ton in 2010 had left good memories, and 21 off 10 balls (all genuine shots) was a good return. Naveendra and Vish used up some time but the scoring stagnated and the run rate fell to a paultry run-a-ball (how times have changed). Enter the Tong. Ably supported by Shri’s deadbat and Zamm's swinging blade (they didn’t all bat together – it was two partnerships), the score moved on the 165 which we felt was a below par but winnable total on a difficult surface.

Tea was fine with a variety of sandwiches (better than last year according to Bonay) and sweet things to keep Imran’s tongue wagging. 7/10.

Shri and Tong opened up, with Shri a little wasteful whilst Tong hit his straps. Wickets started to fall after a few early boundaries and we were soon into a fragile middle order. Li’s introduction saw a sustained spell of top drawer swing bowling and at the other end Tong found some rhythm of old and was hooping it around like Woo Powell (check the stats), claiming 3 superb wickets in the process. Daisy (Laisy) fancied a trundle....and I wish I could trundle like that. His short spell got a wicket and when Vish removed the gritty opener with a classic nibbler, we were well in control – 165 looking way off. Zamm's introduction coincided with a shower which livened up proceedings and the run rate became in issue, both teams frantically trying to remember their numbers. The Wick was ahead, but there wasn’t much in it, and with a few hitters in the locker TD were threatening.

It wasn’t to be however as the decision to stick with Tughral paid off and a catch on the boundary saw the last hope of TD fall, with pace returning in gloomy light and a wicket you wouldn’t write home about, 110 was a fair reflection on both teams 2nd innings performance.

MOM – Tong. 3 excellent early wickets (bowled) and a match winning innings that gave the impetus to the Wick. Special mention to Nomaan also for runs and a quality spell with the ball. In conclusion, much to improve on but a good performance against a team relegated from the division above last year.

Match Report - Old Hamptonians vs 2xi - by Fudgey

"Police track down Old Hamptonians' covers" - Ed













CLOSE BUT NO MONTECRISTO

HWRCC 2xi 110 Charlie High 44 Old Hamptonians 111-7 Webster 5 for 19 Kidson 48* Old Hamptonians win by 2 wickets Scorecard

The 2s kicked off their league campaign on Saturday against Old Hamptonians. Having beaten Old Hamps three times in the last year we were confident that a fourth victory would be heading the Wicks way.

Old Hamps is a funny place to go as you would assume that being in the grounds of Hampton School the facilities would be out of the top drawer. Unfortunately for the second week running the wicket looked to have seen better days, we were informed that the local Pikeys had ripped the covers and rain had got through. It appeared more that the local pikeys had cut pieces out, maybe to decorate their caravans or wedding dresses.

We knew it was going to be a day where the toss may prove to be crucial, and in a way it proved to be so. Unfortunately the toss was lost and we were asked to make first use of the wet wicket.

The first few overs were navigated successfully but not without the odd problem due to the bowl leaping off a length or going along the ground from the same spot. Scowen was bowling well from the shallow end with his opening partner Blair doing the same from the deep end. The score had progressed nicely onto 10 when Coley straight drove one back at the bowler, who somehow managed to deflect it onto the stumps only to see Fudgey not quite make his ground and walk off despite the oppo umpire giving not out.

Coley & AJ moved the score onto 32 before Coley tried to work one to leg which straightened and he was caught via the leading edge. AJ followed next over after being cleaned up courtesy of an inside edge off Kidson. The Wick were struggling at 32-3. Worse was to follow shortly after as birthday boy Mackie contrived to glove one behind in an effort to leave it.

This brought Charlie High to the crease who along with Matt Kilner took the score on to 66 with an array of attacking yet controlled stroke play. Kilner was unlucky to get a near unplayable ball from Scowen which he did well to edge through to the keeper. The Wick were 66-5 and soon 66-6 when Zohaak was caught of the same bowler. What followed was Charlie hitting some lovely boundaries and everyone else struggling to keep him company, resulting in the Wick being dismissed for 110 in 28 overs and Charlie top scoring with a nice 44.

It was decided we would go straight back out as tea was not quite ready.

We knew quick wickets would be key and Webbo opened up the bowling like a man possessed getting the ball to go both ways and had both batsmen in trouble. His first over resulted in an edge behind which Harry diving one handed could not quite grasp. It did not take long of him to get in the wickets though as he produced a peach to remove Carson’s bails and another to bowl Stone. Old Hamps were 15-2, maybe, just maybe. Joey B was the next to break through as Mahadkar tried to drive on the up only to pick out the bucket hands of Fudge at cover (20-3). Webbo continued to produce the kind of balls that gave Mr Mcvitie an idea for the name for his orange and chocolate covered cakes and picked up another wicket to reduce Old Hamps to 24-4.

Tea was taken and the game was nicely in the balance.

Upon resumption Webbo (Riley) picked up his fourth and fifth wickets to reduce Old Hamps to 35-6 and we knew the game was there to be won. Then the moment which changed the game, Kidson who the previous week had chanced his arm and got away with it skied one off Webbo to Harry behind the sticks, unfortunately the ball met with the grass and Webbo had to be satisfied with a quite brilliant 5-19.

Despite Leggsy coming back on to pick up Blair and reduce Old Hamps to 65-7 The Wick never really looked like winning and courtesy of some lovely batting from Kidson 48* and some variable lines from the other bowlers Old Hamps chased down the target eight down.

A disappointing start to the season but one which may do more good than harm and hopefully allow us to kick on this weekend at home to Cranleigh.

Wallington Wicked by 1s in Cup

Match Report - 1xi vs Wallington - Cup First Round - Matty Davies reporting

Ali, Davies, Rashid, Raza*, Mackie, High, Holland+, Tong, McMullan, Unsworth, Whinney

Scorecard

The Wick Saturday 1XI ignited their 2010 campaign with an ultimately dominant defeat of a below strength Wallington in the Fullers League Cup. Despite a woeful fielding display victory was achieved with minimum fuss and in the end no little entertainment and panache.

Wick skip Raza welcomed debuts for Nomaan Ali and Patrick McMullan. Pepsi (Greg) also made a welcome return to competitive 1xi action following impressive winter nettage.

Wallington batted first on winning the toss and Ali immediately found some ridiculous shape. The Wick's new recruit is not express, but he is more than quick enough. And he also bowls absolute hoops, which saw him beat the bat countless times. Along with Whinney from the Millennium Wood end, we probably earnt 3 wickets in the first 4 overs, but somehow managed not to collect any. The pressure eventually paid off as Whinney stuck with one that straightened.

Tong then joined in the party claiming wickets, although being below par. The bowler of the day was Pepsi, whose new nickname inspired him to 3 wickets, bowling some beautiful shapes on a green tinted Wick track. McMullan, not to be left out, capped an impressive debut with his first 1xi wicket, bowling 5-0-11-1 in all.

Despite the impressive bowling, the fielding can only be described as shoddy. At least 6 dropped catches of varying degrees of difficulty (Whinney, Raza, High 2, Holland, Rashid) and the same amount of blazing fielding cock-ups (Davies, High, Holland, Tong, Pepsi to name a few), gave the performance a feeling of desperation. Mackie, McMullan and Ali the only ones to escape blemish free. Having said all that, to drop that many catches, and let the ball through your legs so many times, and still only concede 133 is testamanet to the quality of the bowling. Things can only get better from here in the field, so no alarms need ringing at this stage.

DBW Teas - same old same old. He expressed concern that others had requested 'changes' to the line up. For now, it appears that 2010 will be the same as 2009, 2008, 2007... 1996, 1995...etc. The grass is always greener... [Good news for the traditionalists though - Ed]

Davies and Ali opened up with a brief to get on with it. Two classy 4s in the opening over from Davies (ahem) set the tone for an innings that would be over sooner than anyone could have predicted. Ali opened up fairly quickly, accelerating from a fast start to end up caught on the boundary, having hit 67 off 33 balls. Davies made a relatively serene run a ball 54* in comparison. The victory came in 18 overs with minimum fuss.

We now look forward to the first round proper of the Cup next week against a good Old Paulines side.

MOM - Pepsi. 6-0-15-3.

Match Report - 2xi vs Stoke D'Abernon - by Clarky

HWRCC 2XI vs Stoke D’Abernon 2xi

Toss: Stoke

HWRCC 242-3 (50 overs) Golforbrazeeeeeeel 79, Fudge 46, Wright 45*, Mackie 40*

Stoke 243-7 (49.3 overs) Patrick 102, Lawes 72, Lown and Cameron 2 for.

Goulborn, Cole, Fudge*, Mackie, Wright, Clark+, Soppitt, Cameron, Donnelly, Powell, Lown

New Wick Proverb Say… Be Careful What You Wish For

Since our embarkation on the road to Surrey Championship cricket three or four seasons ago the 2s have become used to some pretty tedious cricket. With a few notable exceptions in the Fullers we often found ourselves playing sides with little or no ambition who took a perverse pleasure in playing draw at all costs cricket.

One of the exceptions to that rule has been the Stoke D’Abernon game each year. This correspondent has played in the fixture for the last three years and every game has been exciting and has produced a result. Both sides go for it, with the minimum of carping and a healthy dose of good sportsmanship.

It was with some joy that we discovered, after two straight promotion seasons, that we would finally get to play some 50 over win/lose stuff in this division. For once, although important, the toss would not play a huge factor in how the game developed… we always dreaded having to bat first knowing that however early we declared, if oppositions chose to stodge out a draw not even throwing up pies would tempt them to chase our totals.

It was an absolute pleasure to get to tea yesterday having delivered a more than competent performance with the bat and know that – weather allowing – we would have a result one way or the other. Thank goodness for a bit of common sense and a worthy stage for us to take on a club who we’ve had some good games against.

In the event though we reaped what we sowed as the battle of the two newcomers to Surrey Championship Division 5 was won by a deserving Stoke side with three balls to spare. The margin sounds tight – and here on paper it is – but really the Wick’s talented bowling attack failed to put the visitors under enough pressure to win this game. So – result cricket we wanted, and result cricket we got. After weekend one we find ourselves propping up the division knowing we’ve been in a great game of cricket… that doesn’t feel quite so great if you are laundering your dove, magenta and black kit today.

Stoke were dismissed here last year for approximately 160 and the batsmen were ruthless in pursuit of the target. This time around Stoke inserted the Wick to see what we might set them in largely bright conditions.

12 months ago this track was a sporty little number as the previous curator was spending too much time elsewhere. It was a result wicket in the worst sense. Bounce at the Millennium Wood end was embarrassing and many an opposition skipper was heard to grumble. The only thing we could say was it was as bad for both sides. We ourselves were turned over on it so we knew how it felf.

The strip yesterday was tinged with green and there was some underlying moisture which suggested it could be a bit sticky, but once the shine disappeared from the new ball it was easy paced and favoured the bat. Only over-ambition against tight bowling created chances in both innings. It is fair to report a number of balls failed to rise at the MW end giving both 'keepers some tricky clean up work to do but there were no scuttlers which suggests the new roller and even newer groundsman are having a positive effect.

Mills for Stoke bowled to that end and started in parsimonious fashion, swunging the ball away from a good length and excellent middle and leg line. Very few balls left the square and both bats had to work hard to extract any value. Golborn, off the back foot, pierced the field often but seldom found the rope early on. Finally Mills persuaded an increasingly indignant and agitated Cole – who had looked for the most part in bat all day mood – to essay something rustic and Stoke broke through, Cole caught well at slip. Ten overs for 22 runs from the Kingston end was an excellent spell and the wicket of Cole was scant reward.

Fudge and Golborn, the latter growing in fluency as the innings progressed (that late cut was out and timing was evident), decided that a firm base was desirable and eschewed anything risky until drinks were brought out. Harkett, later to play a direct and devastating role with the bat, plugged away towards Kingston and profited from the caution displayed. His excellent line and nagging length proved difficult to get away and time and again when he did err slightly the two right handers found only the close in cover fielder who had a very good afternoon in that position.

As Golborn’s game became more fluent, so Fudge also threw off the shackles. He dismissed the change bowler Stewart onto the Pavillion roof, breaking the first tile of the new season, and later began to take a liking to offspinner Lawes who gamely chose to defend the shorter boundary. Goulborn continued to rote the strike and began to time his powerful on drive too. In sight of a deserved ton he unfortunately perished to an excellent diving catch in the gully as he and Fudge pressed the accelerator. A partnership of 109 had set the game up and at this point with 9 overs to go it was time to explode. Unfortunately, attempting to clear the infield once too often, the skipper then skied one to long off missing out on a deserved half century.

This brought together Wright and Mackie. The left hand / right hand combination was ideal for the match situation, bringing the short boundary into play from both ends. Mackie was fluent and the spin combination of Lawes and Hopton struggled to stem the scoring. How the Stoke D’Abernon skipper must have rued bowling out Mills at this juncture. Mackie crowned the run chase with a devastating over against Hopton timing two sixes into the car park and Wright bludgeoned an effective 45 to somehow overtake him in the scoring. The two came together with 45 balls remaining and contributed 84 runs – a really crushing contribution which we hoped had handed us the momentum which TV commentators are so fond of.

At tea The Wick were pleased with the total, feeling it had been assembled to plan by keeping wickets in hand. It was clear to all that with so much grass on the outfield and the addition of sand that the short boundary would hold the key to the result.

Tea itself was one of Dave’s classics. Clotted cream was in evidence on scones (bullet hard though Dave). Chorizo was back. The egg lubricant was slightly too runny for the purist. Clarky was introduced to the concept of combination buns by Fudge and saw a new genius in the portly one’s work through the hatch. With pork products abundant, your reporter politely enquired of DBW whether there was mustard to be had not believing any would be extant. Not only was there mustard, there was a choice. This was a bitter sweet moment. The mustard was the piece de resistance without doubt and the tea scored 8.5. However the realisation that this reporter has probably missed out on five years worth of mustard left him raging against the dining that he might have enjoyed. DBW’s truculence in this matter has cost him dearly as the sour taste of missed opportunity forced reappraisal of the tea in hand and it was severely marked down to a 7.

Stoke’s reply started in a blaze of shots and some wayward bowling from the Wick. Tosses were full. The line was occasionally leg stump. Quick, short and wide stuff was cut away over the slips. Stoke were away out of the traps like one of our all rounders after the larger set. However in an attempt to maintain this furious pace both openers perished to ambitious shots and number 4 was also in too much of a hurry. Despite some less than tight work The Wick had noses in front, Lownsy had 2 for and Stoke must have been concerned that the best laid plans might have, as the poet says, “gan aglay”.

But we were unable to capitalise because we could not keep our discipline. Too many cafeteria balls were bowled and by half way Lawes, who smashed the ball around and Patrick, playing rather more circumspectly and with a pleasing degree of technical prowess and style, had assembled half the runs they needed on the dot of drinks. If you recall, The Wick had assembled only 60 at this point so Stoke’s bowlers in our innings and their batsmen here, had turned the game in their favour.

Annoyingly this lack of control from us infected nearly everyone – Jimmy C aside who maintained a good line throughout and Lownsy who fought back from an ordinary start - and we were unable to wrest back the initiative. With the pitch favouring the batsmen, we really needed to be able to keep catchers in but skipper Fudge was forced to protect the boundaries and station his men on the thirty metre markers because of the regular poor balls. What regulation chances that were created – through first and second slip – were through sadly vacant positions. Others from Delboy, who started extremely well tormenting Patrick in the 80s with flight and changes of pace, were only just within grasp of fielders sprinting to arrive at orthodox positions long abandoned. Clarky, up until this point extremely tidy behind the timbers, almost held onto one such chance but the ball spilled agonisingly from the tips of his gloves in front of the packed pavilion. On such margins games are won and lost. The breakthrough did eventually come when Lawes aimed one too many aggressive heaves at Jimmy C to fall for 72.

The doubt Delboy created in Patrick did at least slow the youngster’s progress with his century approaching and it seemed we might be able to keep him quiet enough to drive the rate up. But others around him maintained the busy progress and an at first nervous and rusty looking Harkett blossomed to clout an aggressive 32 mostly from poor balls including some unforgivable full tosses that didn’t necessitate him using his feet.

Towards the end the pace became frenetic – one bat skied one to the safety of long leg just out of the grasp of the despairing Clark again who’d run 40 yards to get there, the other jammed down on a Yorker and squirted the ball down to a vacant fine leg for three just when the pressure might have begun to count. Harkett finally smashed a length ball over mid off which carried Stoke home just as we thought we had exposed what looked like a tail.

The winning margin was three wickets and brought mixed feelings. Relief on the one hand that we were playing result cricket after years of stodgy rearguards by unambitious oppos, annoyance on the other that we had let a promising position slip. We simply weren’t sharp enough in the field but huge credit is due to Stoke bats Patrick, Lawes and Harkett for taking it to us in such spectacular fashion.

Stoke were worthy winners and their umpire, who stood both ends, was excellent so thank you. We’re of course looking forward to the return fixture later in the summer – ominously there was talk of Mills and Harkett getting even longer spells!

It will be up to the individuals here to work hard in the excellent new nets and for the team to go up another notch in all departments against Cranleigh next week.

Congratulations to Will Patrick on his debut ton for Stoke D'Abernon.

MOM – Golby.

[Here Golby capture's Mackie middling one into the carpark]

Wick win to set up end of season crunch game

Wick Vs SRK
Singh, Lloyd, Crane, Tughral jnr, Davies jnr, Cameron, Copeland jnr, Copeland snr, Austin, Unsworth, Lown

SR&K 139 all out from 50 overs Wick 143 for 7 from 36 overs(ish)

There have been many an occasion this season when either the bowlers or the batsmen have had a shoddy day at the office but usually one is better than the other.
A frustrating day in the field occurred on Saturday when it seemed that the oppo were just going to throw the bat and see what happened.

It transpired that this proved a successful tactic and to the dismay of the wick men in the field, SRK managed to edge, slap, tickle and generally basil their way to 139 despite the efforts of Harmy and Krusty who in truth didn’t bowl badly at all and took the opening pair between them, bowled and caught by Davies Jnr respectively.
Granted we helped them out a bunch by dropping 4 catches but they certainly seemed to have had their wheat-a-bix that morning. The big swinging (not hitting) number 3 in particular rode his luck before being caught by Zo at 2nd fly Gully off Jimmy C.

We eventually had them 8 down for 90 runs but that is where we let them off the hook.

Frustration set in big time as in the same over a yorker from leggsy was diverted off middle stump by the batsmans foothole (sorty it out groundsman!, no one likes to have one foot in a trench whilst standing at the crease!) and then 2 balls later he skied one which was dropped.

The fug of frustration was lifted momentarily when Cranesy mid over was chirped by Leggsy from square leg “Ahh, well bowled their Lofting” and then drew an edge with the next ball. Nice!

139 all out from 50 overs and the oppo could be suitably happy with themselves.

Now I may cause some controversy here because previous scribes have suggested that the teas warranted a 9 this week and one can see why. However, I will forever be put off the Chicken Tikka sandwich filler by Jimmy C’s unfortunate mid game faecal eruption 2 Sundays ago. In addition, whilst I believe that fruit (watermelon and strawberries in particular) should be a mainstay of any high scoring tea it was brought to my attention that single cream just doesn’t work. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not a dairy fan by any means- it’s all cow juice to me but even I know single cream doesn’t work with fruit!.-7

Nathan and Lloydy opened the batting and the former looked intent on playing the bowler’s in-swinging yorker off his legs, tried twice, missed twice and was bowled at the second attempt.

Cranesy to the crease, new wand in hand, full of promises of runnnnss. Sadly watched Nathan too intently and fell to a second ball duck. Zippy and Lloyd steadied things up and played themselves in before Lloyd mistimed one and skied it to cover to bring Davies Jnr to the crease and the fireworks began.

Having turned up late and been sent out to forage for white trousers in the dressing room (his had been used as a feline litter tray liner apparently) M Davies the younger quickly found his timing and unleashed a succession of boundaries which racked up the score quickly. Zo got a nasty lbw decision, apparently, so our resident Steven Seagal fan was sent in to keep Jnr company.

Jnr eventually fell for 38 but the damage was done. Harry resumed the batting form he showed before his holiday, to take us through the winning draw total with a succession of identical cover drives off the returning opening bowler. Each one heralding by a louder “Shaaaaattttt” from the growing crowd on the sideline.
Harry was soon replaced LBW by Tony to see off the total with a 4 down to the score board.


So where does that leave us? Well we are in the promotion spot, 3 points clear of Battersea, with, you guessed it…. Battersea to play this coming weekend! A win is needed and a win is what we will get. We all need to step up to the plate in a big way for this winner takes all game and there is no room for a scrappy performances.

BELIEVE!

Match Report - 2xi vs Croydon Municipal Officers

HWRCC 2xi vs Croydon Municipal Officers
Croydon Municipal Officers won the toss
CMO 89 all out
HWRCC 90-5

Going into the final weekend of the Fullers Division One Second xi season there are now three teams who could finish in the promotion spots and three teams that could end the season as champions. One of them is us. We are in the mix. Win and we will be promoted. We might, if Stoke D’Ab fail to beat Lingfield, even finish the season as champs.

The only way to play our game against Croydon Municipal Officers was to assume that Chobham would beat Stoke D’Ab and that if we didn’t beat CMO it would be season over for us. The Chobbies will play Whitely Village next week which we all suspect will be a guaranteed 20 points for them. Effectively if we weren’t ahead in the points table on Sunday morning you could put your mortgage on the fact that only freak weather conditions would keep us in the chase.

So this was a must win fixture. Before the game, mathematicians in the team had worked out that even a winning draw would dump us in the mire. A winning toss was desirable too because the xi was not exactly packed with the Wick’s David Gower, Geoffrey Boycott or Graham Gooch. In fact we were only carrying three recognised top six bats. The toss was lost, but incredibly CMO chose to bat. Little did they know that bowling availability throughout the club was amazing this weekend and they would face an attack that would destroy them inside 35 overs.

CMO turned up with what looked like the best batting line up we have faced this season. Some real strength in depth was evident here. Apart from a ropey looking leftie who looked to have learned his cricket on the Champs Elysee and a number 11 who had fewer clues than Watson in a Sherlock Holmes mystery (“Its lemon entry, Dear Watson” is the punchline to a poor Sherlock Holmes related joke Wickman remembers) this was a quality line up.

O’Donnell opened up and after a rocky start found some line and length. At the other end Tid was simply magnificent. Bowling to the Twilight zone of the Millennium Wood end he bowled straight and with pace. A left handed opener was left bemused and bedraggled as he passed the outside edge time and time again. Tid was unlucky not to be granted an LBW early on but then no one on our side was to be granted one by CMO’s imported umpire. He did both ends during their innings and didn’t give a thing. Wickman thought he umpired the LBWs poorly all day, culminating in finally giving one off the penultimate ball of the game which looked the least likely of them all. He always found a reason not to give his compatriots out – ball missing leg was his favourite – and the comedy increased during the afternoon as he found new excuses. One ball was apparently going wide of off stump. That would have hit the middle stump and nothing else. It was that kind of performance.

Tid quickly lined up opposition gun bat Harfield by bowling close to the stumps and having him play straight before changing his position on the bowling crease and knocking back his middle stump. Simply breathtaking bowling. Fudge changed O’Donnell out of the attack early, responding to a need to get the batsman to play. Webbo’s first ball for a month or so was an absolute peach which bowled the other opener through a big gate to reduce CMO to 12-2.

The fielding and all round performance at this stage had to be seen to be believed. Definitely the performance of the season every Wick man was throwing himself around the green stuff and the noise levels were deafening. No bowler was left un-praised and no piece of fielding was not remarked upon. We were assisted by a square that was in the best nick of the year so far. The deck seemed quite glassy and definitely had pace and carry if not bounce. No one got the ball much above stump height all day.

Tid carried on his amazing spell by stitching up the left handed number four who looked uncomfortable to say the least. Time and again Tid lined him up and he had no answer but to play French style to keep devastatingly accurate bowling out. Down the other end Webbo profited as, frustrated by Tid, he flashed at a wide one to give the easiest of catches to Clark’s left.

The number three looked like one of the better CMO bats. He profited from a tough dropped catch (one handed, running backwards at mid on) and a number of balls that squirted up in the air into empty spaces. When he hit the ball it stayed hit. Some lovely timing saw him larrup Junaid through mid on in perhaps the best shot of CMO’s day. Welcoming the number five to the wicket he told him to play “just like Sunday” which boosted Wick confidence as it suggested that the rest of the line up might lack confidence. Whilst the lad looked useful, his first attacking stroke went only as far as Fudge at cover in the air. Fudgey doesn’t drop them.

One of the more adjacent of the LBW shouts was turned down in this passage of play and fired Webbo and the rest of the side up to even higher standards. CMO’s father figure then arrived at the crease and complimented the Wick boys on being “up for it”. There was no question we were up for it at this stage. It was like bedlam in the middle, everyone on top of their game and with more chat than Richard and Judy. With CMO managing less than two an over they got to drinks four down for less than 50 runs. Game most definitely on. Wickman thinks its fair to say that they were shellshocked.

After the break for ten minutes the performance perhaps looked slightly flat as some leg stump full tosses were turned round the corner and what passed for a mini recovery began. But mini it was. Powell, bowling towards Kingston, was fast, skiddy and accurate and convinced Coydon’s big Daddy to flash at one outside off stump. It was travelling at some pace and looked to be heading between Clark and Tid to the boundary before Clark amazed himself and others by snaring it one handed when it was almost past him. Clark’s reaction seemed to suggest he was quite happy with the plucking of the strawberry.

Coley replaced Junaid who had another great afternoon with the red thing. He is increasingly impressing his elders as, with a season’s bowling behind him, he gains greater control of his inswing. Like a youthful version of MS he gets the ball to move late and now that 11 out of 12 balls are destined to be in the corridor or hitting the stumps he is a difficult prospect to get away. Batsmen now have to play him through mid on for runs instead of being able to look to fine and long legs for scoring strokes. The effect he had yesterday was to continue to tie down the opposition who must have been wondering when we would bring on Duncan Ross or Trevor Trundle so that they could get some runs.

Coley bowled his best spell of the season and removed the dangerous number three who top scored with 36. This week Coley’s stock ball was a flighted off-spinner and his spell was all the better for it. A passing gnat with a tight chuff looked like a complete slag who’d enjoyed a great deal of crafty butchering in comparison. He was unlucky not to get an early breakthrough when a sliced drive just eluded the grasp of point but he took the important wicket inducing a big leading edge again held by Fudgey, who, as mentioned before, doesn’t drop them.

Powelly then yorked the life out of the number six, a relieved Webbo saw Clark gather a looseish throw to run out the number eight by the distance commonly known as a country mile and Delboy drew a phenomenal one handed catch out of Powell at short midwicket. The word plucked could be used again along with the word strawberries. The denouement was predictable as an agricultural heave from the number 11 failed to connect and Clark collected and sharply removed the bails. The umpire at square leg pointed a finger to the skies and HWRCC 2xi had totally dismantled CMO for only 89 of your English runs. A simply brilliant performance. A testament to the team’s work was an extras score in single figures and a feeling of total elation was in evidence as the dressing room door shut behind us.

Perhaps it was the bank holiday, or perhaps it was the summery weather, but something brought the best out of DBW too. His tea was varied, fresh and included strawberries and cream. Strawberries! He gets a nine and best tea of the season. To knock him from his perch the ladies or gents of Shepperton are going to have to serve up cake and fine wines next week at a minimum at their chalet style HQ next week and no mistake.

89 runs to chase was never going to be enough on this deck – which if it didn’t have runs written all over it (what groundsman in his right mind would write runs on a deck – it would defy belief) was certainly a batsman’s paradise in comparison to some other rainforest floors we have played on this year. Even with a more flimsy batting line up than usual and with the skipper still discomforted by his wrist injury we had enough talent to get home, if not to romp home.

Cole and Clark opened up and did a good job of getting us a third of the way there. If neither were particularly fluent, Cole’s off drive looked in fantastic shape and Clark was confident of scoring straight or through the leg side. Coley became bowled looking to get on with it. Fudge and Clark then took the total beyond fifty before Clark top edged a pie to mid on. Fudgey then slapped another pie to midwicket. T Dizzle also holed out to mid on. But Delboy and Charlie took the Wick close, Charlie absolutely tanking it all over the ground, before O’D and Del saw the Wick level before their umpire gave his atrocious decision. The result was never in doubt from tea onwards and the boys retired to watch the thirds romp home on Kingsfield as CMO did not bring any drinkers with them.

This was an absolutely emphatic victory. A committed fielding performance destroyed a strong batting line up. Hardly a single ball (except all the LBWs natch) needed to be taken down leg side. The ground fielding was precise. We gave away perhaps 2 runs in the field. Extras were almost non-existent. Proper standards.

As was mentioned in the intro this keeps us in the mix. Win on Saturday and promotion beckons. Perhaps the Dabbies will screw up again (come on lads, this was the weekend you were supposed to win promotion and help us to second place – what went wrong? – send us your champagne if you stuff it up next week too) and hand us the championship on a plate like we did for Merrow in the final game last year. It all comes down to this final weekend to see if we can get out of the league at the first attempt.

It would be good. There’s no question that the negative, boring cricket of May and June at Kingstonian and Ripley is not the way to spend a Saturday. We all want to play positive, attacking cricket. If we get beaten occasionally (see the great game against the Woodies and the dicking by the one man of Battersea Onemanside) then so be it. It’s easier to accept a good beating than a pointless 120 run draw where the other side blames you for caning their rubbish bowling all over the park for 45 overs so decides to stodge out a bore draw for 25 overs.

Hopefully the Surrey Championship division five is the sunlit uplands where sides win the toss, smash it around and then throw the ball up to encourage a close finish. Do you think? We’d like to find out…

MOM this week was the team. Yes it’s a team game played by individuals but everyone was a man of the match. Everyone gave their best this week. Even Tommy, who almost got TFC. Hee hee.

Here's a picture of a municipal officer. He didn't play but hey.