HWRCC vs. KINGSTON – Sunday 11th May - Match Report by Jimmy C

HWRCC – 170/4 from 39 overs. Fudgey 48; Goldie 68 (MOM)

KINGSTON – 86/7 off 30-overs. Junaid 3 for very little; Kennedy and Vaider 2 a piece.

Wick achieves winning draw (read: win) against Kingston

They say that a week can be a long time in politics ("They" just do apparently… look it up). But I think the same can be said about, what I would consider being, the harshest and yet most rewarding of all mistresses… namely playing cricket for HWRCC.

After the initial struggles of putting out a 1st Sunday xi last week, Sunday skipper Jimmy C had the run of the club’s best and brightest for the home tie against Kingston on Sunday May 11th. Everyone wanted to play. In fact, so eager were people to play that apparently DBW considered revising his tea schedule to accommodate the extra players. It was that lively.

Jimmy C was overwhelmed by the volume of text messages / emails that came in during the week from players expressing a desire to be a part of the Wick’s newest regime.

Here’s a selection:

Fudgey: “Put me down for Sunday. I need runnnnsssss”. Ok, I will.

Whinney: “Are there any spaces left for Sunday? PE Man!!” For you mate, of course.

Del Boy: “I’m available” – Thanks, but can you play?

Unknown: “It was great to meet you last night. Fancy a drink next weekend?” – No. Piss off and gain 20 pounds. You know I prefer the larger set... I told you that

And so it went on...

Needless to say, Jimmy was thrilled by the squad of players on offer and could hardly wait for Sunday’s match to begin.

On the back of a strong bowling performance last Sunday, the Wick went into this game with a huge sense of confidence and belief (well I know I did). On a hard track that was already cutting up rough from Saturday’s action, Jimmy C won the toss and promptly decided to bat (much to the annoyance of the oppo). It was a hot day, Del was hungover, and none of the boys wanted to do much running in the afternoon sun – FACT. It was a simple decision really.

Golby and big Bobby Sisso opened the batting. Golby, keen to make up for a golden duck in Saturday’s game for the 2s, looked completely at ease out in the middle. With poise, experience and maturity beyond his years, Golby held off the two opening bowlers who were getting the ball to “do a bit” on the ridge, and managed to tick the scoring over nicely. Sisso was experience personified, bedecked in Wick jumper despite the heat (probably because of it) but found himself back in the hutch after only a few overs.

With Fudgey and Golby now at the crease, Kingston really stood no chance in getting back into this game. As the overs ticked by and the bowlers became increasingly tired, both players began launching into their shots. Fudgey, no doubt buoyed by Saturday’s win, played some magnificent long drives over the in field, while Golby played some of the sweetest cover drives you are ever likely to see. At the drinks break, we were only one wicket down, and on track for a solid score.

Not satisfied by the good start, Fudgey tried to pick the scoring rate up, however his exuberance soon got the better of him – holing out to a sort of short-long mid off for a valuable 48 runs. Golby, now joined by Kennedy at the crease, wasn’t fazed. He continued to pile on the runs and, with the later support of Del Boy and Jimmy C, managed to push the Wick to a declared 170 after 39 overs. He finished with a delightful, if not quite redeeming for Saturday's Fantasy Managers, 68 runs.

Teas – ats

After the break, the Wick set about the challenge of taking all 10 wickets. While the 80th birthday celebrations taking place at the club house proved to be some distraction, Jimmy C urged the boys to “$%£! focus” on the task at hand.

With Shaun Whinney debuuuuuing behind the stumps, Junaid and Jimmy C opened the bowling. Like the Sunday before, Junaid bowled out of his skin, quickly taking three wickets in what Sisso described post match as, wait for it, a “lively” opening spell. Jimmy, despite bowling well in conjunction, got nothing. ATS. With that in mind, young colt Nick Parkes, described as the “new Stuart Clark” of Hampton Wick by some, was brought into the attack. Although unlucky not to pick up a wicket, Parko teased Kingston batsmen with pace, nip, bounce, experience and, not to be outdone, fitness.

With the match heading for a dull draw, Jimmy C threw the ball to Duncan Kennedy in a surprise move. Rewarding his faith, big Duncs picked up two wickets in his first few overs, and left Kingston with an almighty struggle to stay in the game.

However, as time drew on, a draw seemed to be the only outcome of the match. While Jimmy rotated his strike force - Del, Hirchy and Vaider (who picked up two wickets) all had a trundle – the game ended in a winning draw. Kingston didn’t look like they wanted it at all, and looked knackered to be honest.

While it was annoying for the skipper not to pick up another win, the Sunday team is still undefeated for 2008. It was a good way to end a great Wick Wash weekend. After the match, Bobby was in fine form, and let loose with some of the funniest anecdotes about cricket and the Wick I’ve ever heard.

So what will be in store for next weekend? Who knows - but like a midget at a urinal, I’m gonna have to stay on my toes. [Here's a urinal which will help you to relax - Ed]

Sunday xi vs Ashtead (home) Match Report by Jimmy C

HWRCC – Jimmy C (Skip), Matty D, Mark, Harry, Junaid, Vaider, Duncan, Maloj, Del Boy, Sam Kemp, Lloydy

125-9 (Matty D 48, Del Boy 25)

ASHTEAD

67 all out (Junaid 5 /15 – lively!)

HWRCC won by 58 runs

If there was any doubt that pressure applied to someone in the right fashion can cause them to do something you want them to do (think water boarding, dripping a tap in a darkened room, blindfolded) you need look no further than this match report. It is a sad state of affairs when someone needs to be cajoled into writing about what they love and dream about every night (aside from the ‘larger set’), but that is precisely what has happened to yours truly.

Following threats from the 1st Team Captain and Wickman to get his proverbial arse into gear, which included removal from employment and…….actually, that pretty much did it, I caved in and penned the following match report of HWRCC Sunday XI vs Ashtead.

Like Josef Fritzl on holiday in Thailand while the kids are left at home, I simply can’t take leave of my responsibilities. So I’m sorry. There – I said it. I’ve learnt my lesson. And I can assure you that, unlike Fritzl, I will not leave you in the dark any longer over the success of the Sunday team.

And what success we had on Sunday May 4th 2008.

Following an almighty struggle to get 11 players to commit to a game (Geez boys, it’s not like cricket is a girl demanding a full term relationship…..Actually, it kind of is now that I think about it), Debut Wick Skipper Jimmy C led out the first Sunday team of the season against an Ashtead side which Lownsy described, in a more sober moment, as “good” (he’s a man of many words…..).

After promptly losing the toss (ominous start), the Wick were sent in to bat on a sticky wicket. With relatively little experience of captaining (read none), Jimmy C displayed a great deal of uncertainty as he put together his batting order. While Matty D was a certainty to open, it was very much a case of picking and hoping that the remaining players who said they could “bat a bit”, weren’t just pulling a fast one.

Aside from handy performances from Matty D (48), Del Boy (25), it turned out that the rest were pulling a fast one and couldn’t “bat a bit” (I include myself on that score). Although Ashtead bowled on the spot, with the right application and “experience” (I had it throw it in) we should have scored more than just the 125 runs we scraped together. Save the final efforts of Del and Junaid, we would have been looking at a much lower total.

Players go to the break. Tea – ats.

Pep talk time.

Quick to establish who was the boss out in the field, Jimmy C rallied the troops. “Talk it up” was his refrain (amongst other inaudible nonsense) as the boys got together in the huddle. He said that with the right pressure on the batsman and the right “talk”, we might just be able to nick a result.

That turned out to be a massive underestimate.

Taking the game by the thruff of the scroat, Jimmy C put himself and young Junaid in to open the bowling. While Jimmy managed to keep it consistent and the on the spot, young Iqbal let loose. Taking 5 for 15 in a blistering opening spell, Junaid took out the top order with ease. Line, length, nip, height, swing - his spell had everything which makes him worthy of the Wick.

Despite the terrific start and with the game very much in our corner, we appeared to be running out of bowling stocks. However, sensing his carpe diem moment, Skipper Jimmy C sent his trump “surprise card” into bowl.

Some say he is the chap who waited on us at last year’s end of season dinner. Del knows him as Maloj. But to everyone (read Jimmy C) out on the field last Sunday, he is now the new Anil Kumble of the Wick. With pace, spin, aggression, length and…wait for it… experience, Maloj bamboozled the batsman – much like Anil does. Welcome to the Wick my son. And while he didn’t pick up any wickets, it didn’t matter. He had made a statement. The batsmen were shocked and it was game over.

Vaider and Del then came into the attack and picked up the remaining wickets, leaving Ashtead with a miserly 67 runs at the close. It was a great day’s cricket and debut skipper Jimmy C was over the moon with the result.

First win of the season.

I can’t wait for next Sunday.

Closest to the Wick

It's all gone horribly wrong for Wickman. In an idle moment he measured, using Google Earth, the distance between his house and the Wick (as defined by the clubhouse) and John Hilly Hill's house and the Wick. Walking from Wickman's house to the Wick you have to pass John's house so it would make sense that John had taken the title of nearest to the Wick over the Summer. This was seriously ruining Wickman's Autumn.

Why does it matter who is closest to the Wick? It matters. The closer you are to the Wick during the year the more Wickness can rub off on you therefore making you more Wick. If, like Wickman and Hilly, you are relatively late joiners to the Wick, not having been dandled on the knee of Wick royalty (a la MS for example), or like Matty D the son of a fomer winner of Wick Man of the Year (or some other coveted bauble) or not yet an Honary Vice President, you need all the Wickness you can get. It's like sitting that little bit closer to a warm fire after you've been out sledging.

So Wickman was absolutely delighted to discover that, by a couple of nanometers (according to his measurements, taken off the PC screen with a piece of hairy string and Winnie the Pooh ruler), he was soaking up more Wick than anyone else in the club. He could, he swears, feel the extra Wickness soaking in. It has healing properties. It can ward off wives with DIY plans in Winter, prevent outbreaks of random gardening and even, it is said, embolden a man to give up alcohol and attend the Fatboy in search of fitness during January.

Pity Wickman's pathetic delight then when then finding out that Alex Wright and Mrs Wright lived evenclosertotheWickthansomeofthedeerinthepark. Then celebrate with him as he discovered that they had moved to Hampton, or Hampton Hill - irrelevant in Wick ray soaking circles - just ask AJ - the boy looks more pale and drawn than Mike Proctor after a day's play down under... oh what joy, what capers, what jigs were danced!

Oh but what vile calumny befell Wickman then! Innocently returning from a hard day's toil in London's Covent Garden, convincing clients to purchase large bales of hot air and tins of scotch mist he bumped into Steve "Darth" Vader on the train. As South West Train's gleaming loco pulled the duo closer to our own dear HQ the skin of both improved, their hair took on new lustre and fellow passengers felt the power of the Wick radiating from them and all felt at one with the world.

All was well with Wickman until Vader left the train, and, in a moment of idle banter, mentioned to Wickman that the great thing about living where he did was that he was only two minutes from the station and three from the Wick. THREE FROM THE WICK! Wickman cannot even make it in three minutes in a car! And on foot, even sprinting like a man who has had no sex for a year on a promise with an innocent looking but highly experienced courtesan, he can't do it in less than eight. Vader is closest to the Wick. He's closest to the Wick by hundreds of metres. Hundreds of metres man! If he had a ladder he would be able to SEE the Wick from his house. Wickman is now a sadder man. Like people in the artic circle who need special artificial sun lamps to boost their serotonin, Wickman is investigating now how to bottle the Wick so that a small jar could sit at home in his living room to get him through until April... perhaps an egg sandwich in the fridge???

Duck Tax Update

An excellent weekend for Duck Tax. Skipper Lloyd perished in the 3s for the dreaded 0 and both Fordy and Barrell contrived to do so in the 1s. An oversight by the committee meant there weren't enough ducks to go round. So that's £32.50 collected so far if you count Barrell's from last Sunday. A duck is a duck is a duck after all... well done Darth...

Sunday xi vs Teddington Town - by Goldy

Sunday XI vs Teddington Town XI - Bushy Parky League - 3rd June 2007.

Teddington Town 103 all out

HWRCC 104-2

HWRCC won by 8 Wickets

MOM - Sissen

Goulborn *, Mackie, Garf, Copeland H +, Iqbal, Cameron, Bishop, Vader, Austin, Hibberd, Sissen

Unfortunately for the batsmen in the team, the dream of amassing a huge total on Sunday was shattered when yours truly lost the toss and was asked to field. With a previous best team total of 346 off forty overs against Teddington Town, you can understand their greediness. That said, fielding first gave the youthful members in the team a good chance to showcase their talents and further prove the Wick has a bright future. Junaid Iqbal, a 13 year old fast/medium bowler made yet another senior appearance and bowled tight lines, rarely giving away easy runs. He was rewarded for his efforts bowling the opening batsmen who had carried his bat through 30 odd overs, middle stump.

The other opening bowler Tom Austin (still at school, but now almost a Sunday veteran) showed what the Wick has been missing this season with some genuinely quick, lively bowling. “Harmy” picked up two wickets for his troubles. Note to 2s Captain Fudge, as soon as his exams are over, Harmys in, FACT! The other wickets were shared around between Vader (3) who bowled some delicious off spin that was reminiscent of Del Boys spell in the emphatic twos win the day before, Myself (pies) and Jimmy C bowling tight and as usual, aggressive. Harry Copleland (who in the morning won the game for the Wick u13s with a fantastic 30 odd not out) kept well behind the stumps. The keeper, aged twelve showed exceptional talent and it wont be too long before the young lad starts featuring prominently it the adult set up. I asked Garf to give him some advice, and he told me he was too good for advice from him, now that is praise!

So Teddington Town set us a measly 103 to chase down. With a batting order that consisted of big hitters such as Mackie, Barrel, Hibby, Sisso and Copeland, this target was never really going to trouble us. With this in mind the order was shuffled around a bit and early on we did our best to make it difficult for ourselves. Barrel went second ball when Vader raised the finger for a ‘dubious’ LBW decision (don’t worry vader, we ve all made them!eh del!?) and Hibby went shortly after playing an equally dubious shot to their decent left armer, having played some decent shots off the leg spinner. Bobby and Garf settled things down and eventually saw us home. Bobby proved he still had what it takes when he hit a HUGE six into the club house – definitely the highlight of the innings. Garf set about his innings in a professional manner playing technically sound and very straight, hitting some lovely four down the ground.

Wick win. Job done.

MOM – Sisso

Dick of the day – Jimmy C for shouting at an oppo fielder when he was about to take a catch. Then when seeing we were all cringing on the sidelines asking “isn’t that what you do?” bloody Aussies!

WICK!

Here's a gratuitous picture of AJ with more hair.

Sunday xi vs Shepperton - by AJ

Having been 'stitched up' into filling the breach created by Goldy's finals, I was faced with having to motivate both myself, 6/7 other wick members, all of whom had consumed more than their fair share of Corona's/Magners the night before, and 4 bright eyed colts into a 45 over affair with Shepperton.

I could hardly complain though, having royally stitched the 2s up with their game with Old Emmanuel, and to a lesser extent, the 3s game away at BA.

The day was infinitely more enjoyable than the one occasion I captained last year, when Goldy gave me 4 players on the saturday night and cried off to play backgammon with his penpal. The outfield was pretty shoddy to say the least, but understandable given the lack of rain. The pitch was basically dead at the Millennium Wood end but played alright from the other. I won the toss and elected to bat (why would you choose to field first in 25 degree heat on a hangover?) much to the delight of the boys.

Mattyd and Zohaak opened up, and did pretty well, putting on 30 from the first ten, seeing off the new ball and picking off the odd boundary. Zohaak was playing with slightly more maturity than last year and was commendable in both defence and attack. He was followed by Garf, who proved (if briefly) that he can bat properly and get off his beloved 0, playing several effortless cut shots for four. He was unlucky to play on just after drinks and he was soon joined back in the hutch by yours truly, slashing at a wide one and getting a bottom edge to their eldery keeper.

All the while Mattyd was morphing from a man who had forgotten how to spell BDM into the player we all saw demolish attacks last year. His full array of pulls, hooks and drives were there for all to see, and he completely dominated our innings, making an accomplished 94. Indeed, this would have probably been a hundred if their players were a touch more honest with the boundary lines (alas, the groundsman has yet to paint them...ahem ahem).

Cranesey middled a bump ball into the hands of first slip and was unfairly given an over zealous send off by the oppo. Harry Copeland looked solid throughout his brief knock and his technique is definitely in good working order. Another of the colts, Alex Routledge surprised us all by middling 3 cracking boundaries in his knock of 16 (second highest scorer...oh dear) and was eventually undone by a pretty good slower ball. Fordy middled one done long off's throat and proceeded to unleash the full repertoire of his vernacular, a lot of eff's with the odd see you next tuesday thrown in for good measure. It's good to have you back mate.

We felt pretty confident at tea. 177 on a tough track was always going to be competitive. Tea was pretty special actually - how on earth DBW discovered to make a fruit salad is beyond me, but it was utterly faultless. A good deal of cold pasta was also served up, with all the usual trimmings of egg mayo, ham and cheese rolls. For once DBW had done something differently...

Our fielding and bowling effort was very decent compared to the general standard of the last few years. Appleyard and Fordy opened up, neither offering much to their rotund openers. Their Aussie had a decent eye (for a pork pie and a shandy too) and hit a couple of very well timed drives through the covers. Despite the atrocious state of the outfield, it was impressive watching everyone getting behind the ball and wearing the odd one in various parts of the anatomy (why I didn't wear a box to field in is beyond me. I must have a short memory of W&B last year).

Fordy was the first to make a breakthrough before Alex Routledge picked up 3 wickets on his senior debut. It should have been 4 but Craney dropped an absolute dolly at first slip off a well executed slower ball. If it had been a slice of Dairylea he would have caught it. Routledge bowled his full 9 overs on the bounce and didn't serve up much filth at all. Definitely one to watch this year. The Sith Lord (Steve Vaid) bowled a very consistent 9 overs, including a remarkable caught and bowled off an awful full toss.

Fordy's analysis was genius "that's the first time I've heard the bowler say 'oh sh*t' and the batsman to then say 'oh sh*t' to the same ball". Good cricket all round?? Merwin Man also bowled well on debut and was unlucky not to get any wickets.

At 120-6 (or something like that) with ten overs to go, it was game on. Craney came into the attack and bowled arguably his best spell at the Wick so far. Bowling full and straight, no one managed to get him away and he made the captain's job a whole lot easier during their run chase. Fordy came back for his last 2 overs, going for 4 runs and crucially, he picked up the wicket of another of Shepperton's 'large' hitters of the ball. Game on. 19 needed off the last 2 overs, Appleyard came back into the attack and bowled a very decent last over, only going for 6 runs at a match defining stage of the game.

11 needed off the last over, advantage Wick. That was until Craney's first was deposited from a good length into the door of one of the garages. Their supporters (a good 15 of them) were going berserk. Trying to repeat the ball the next shot, Craney's cleaned the lad up, stumps all over the place. Job done. Their last man didn't get anywhere near the next 2 balls, and bizarrely took an aimless walk down the track only to be stumped by Harry Copeland.

This was a really good game of cricket and it was encouraging to see people taking it a bit more seriously than in recent times. The colts system is obviously in rude health, and it is up to us to keep providing them cricket on a saturday and sunday to allow them to progress.

See you in 2 weeks. aj