HWRCC 2xi vs Westfield 2xi - Match Report

HWRCC 2xi vs Westfield Saints (a)

HWRCC won the toss and inserted Westfield

Westfield 64 (Hill four for) HWRCC 65-1 (Gangoldy 37*, Wright 20ish*) HWRCC win by 9 wickets

Fudge*, Wright, Gangoldy, Doddy, Cameron, Clark+, Lofting, Marfleet, Soppitt, Noor, Hill

Wick w ash away Westfield

As soon as the skipper called correctly and Westfield had descended to 3-2, their skipper and best bat back in the hutch, it was clear that we wouldn’t get much cricket out of this game. On the back of a call off last weekend and hardly a game on tour, a few of the boys have forgotten what the game’s about. This one was wrapped up by 4pm – so early that the rather grumpy young lady who assembled the teas wasn’t actually at the ground to lay it out.

Westfield’s ground was sodden and the wicket was, although typical of this summer and something we are all getting used to, not ideal for cricket. John Hill, bowling up the slope and swinging the ball mainly away from the righthander, was simply too good in the conditions. Only some unfortunate fielding in the cordon prevented him from taking a well deserved Michelle after he had rattled the stumps a couple of times and we had seen Del take a simply stunning one handed catch running from mid off to take one behind the bowler.

Lofting, whose own bowling profits from harder, bouncier, tracks, was back to somewhere near his best despite this sludgy mess, tormenting Westfield’s left handed No 4 to distraction. That he assembled six runs was only down to the evil nature of the cordon who let a few between them to prolong his torture. Eventually it was too much for us to bear and Marfleet dived across Fudge to take a brilliant juggling one handed catch in the slips to put him out of his misery. Lofting also took the important wicket of skipper Bailey LBW to give Westfield little chance of posting a competitive score.

Westfield, it seems, have decided to go after funding for women’s cricket, now sporting two young ladies in the xi. This represents a 100 per cent increase on last year which shows something is going in the right direction for them. Both acquitted themselves reasonably well and played straighter that some of their male colleagues. However Billy, having experienced a week on tour with no cricket, was obviously an angry man and, bowling first change, bounced one of them out, the unfortunate recipient nicking it behind for Clark to take a simple catch.

This was not before Doddy had unfortunately obscured a run out from a brilliant stop and gather at point from Jack. Prone, Jack fired the ball in, Clark collected, the bails were removed with a theatrical flourish and the ‘keeper was cavorting and dancing like a Raptor in a nightclub before being informed that the even the Sun had been blotted out by Doddy’s harris. Doddy’s point that the umpire should have moved to get a better view of the action was well made, but the umpire would have needed to move to the 45 to see anything…

Once the partnership of the Westfield ladies was broken there was little left in terms of batting resources. The introduction of Soppitt and Marfleet quickly wrapped up the innings, between them they took 3 for 2 in three overs. Soppitt, in this extraordinary season has recorded another unbelievable analysis of 2-2. He can hardly fail to top the season’s averages on this form. Marfleet’s one over produced a tame prod back to him from a bat who had tried to hoist the majority of the first four balls into the neighbouring county. Some indecision there…

Sadly there’s not much more to record. Hill even managed to pick up a catch off Soppitt and with so few runs to chase, MOM was his. Fudgey and Wrighty opened the batting and for the unfortunate Fudge a duck ensued, bowled by the best ball of Habib’s spell. He was replaced by Gangoldy who was in better fettle than at Hambledon. Once he’d had a look he quickly assembled 37 not out to win the game in the 16th over.

Tea was the league’s best of the season so far. While not up to the almost impossibly high standards set at Hambledon earlier in the week, this was a belter. The usual sandwiches included excellent cheese and pickle, and the chef had used a variety of breads including a French country loaf for pate. A couple of years ago standards here were even higher. Wickman remembers some amazing cream and custard tarty things and sponge cake. Mild disappointment then, but still an excellent effort and the first league 8. If only standards had been so high on the field. The skipper awarded himself TFC for failing to get a hand on a number of slip catches and for playing over a Yorker. This saved the bacon of most of the batsmen who didn’t get a knock owing to the amoeba of an innings form Westfield.

Another 20 points, the most emphatic performance of the season and still top of the league by a comfortable margin going into the weekend off. Gangoldy looks much happier here...

Vive le Wick.

Battersea Ironsides vs HWRCC 1st XI

Battersea Ironsides 1XI v HWRCC 1XI

Battersea 216-7 dec HWRCC 155-8

Battersea winning draw – Micky Mouse

Following in the footsteps of Messrs Vaughan and Collingwood, I shall refer to myself in the 3rd person. At this rate I won’t be in the 1XI job for much longer, so I may as well do so whilst I still can.

Today he got into work at 0805, having completed the Metro Sudoku in record time (before Clapham Junction) and dealt with admin at work. By admin I of course mean Wick – 3 cheques, Forum, and soon enough the inevitable Fudgy emails. He also gets one from Garf informing him that he is too busy, too stressed, and too angry to write a match report. MattyD respects his wishes and agrees to write up the weekends shenanigans himself - Hence this prose. Enjoy.

MattyD is unsure how to approach this. Does he present the facts? Does he be overly positive? Does he be overly negative? Does he resort to comedy to get him out of awkward situations? ….YEAH FACT! For starters 4 of the top 6 cannot play next week - if that’s not funny, what is?

MattyD is listening to Heart FM, and a tune comes on which summarises what he should write. It sets his mood, it makes him smile, it makes him laugh. He taps his toes pretending he has rhythm. He clicks his fingers and imagines himself down the Wick on the dancefloor on a Saturday night, 2330, Fudgy on the decks, Goldy propping up the bar, Delboy and Garf having a dance-off, TommyD with some sort in the corner, Cranesy and LLoydy trying to out drink each other, Joey plotting his next stitch-up, Leggsy speaking in hand gestures and facial expressions, AJ in his flip flops mincing about, Mackie doing the face, Charlie just being plain immature, Muzzy looking glazed, but still managing to eat Emma’s face. This is perfect:-

(I just know your life's gonna change) (Gonna get a little better) (Moving on the darkest day) (I just know your life's gonna change) (Gonna get a little further) (Right up until the feeling fades)

So, is this how it goes, Think you've come this far, And then it'll show, But that aint so, oh no, You don't see where you are, And if you don't wanna look back You'll never know, Cuz you think that you've been here Just treading water Waiting in the wings for the show to begin But I always see you searching And you try that bit harder Getting closer, oh yeah To the life you're imagining

[Chorus:] (I just know your life's gonna change) Maybe not today, maybe not today, But some day soon you'll be alright, (I just know your life's gonna change) Turn the other way, turn the other way, Feels like luck is on your side, (Just wanna live) No worries, no worries, (Don't wanna die) No worries, no worries, Sing for me, sing for me, We all need somebody, (Yeah you can sink) No worries, no worries, (Or you can swim) No worries, no worries, Sing for me, sing for me, We all need somebody

So, baby keep drifiting on Getting there aint just selfless wasted time Seek and find, yeah You're not that far from What you hoped and wished for All along, Cuz you think that you've been there, Just treading water Waiting in the wings for the show to begin But I always see you searching And you try that bit harder Getting closer, oh yeah To the life you're imagining

[Chorus (repeat)] (I just know your life's gonna change) Maybe not today, maybe not today, But some day soon you'll be alright, (I just know your life's gonna change) Turn the other way, turn the other way, Feels like luck is on your side, (Just wanna live) No worries, no worries, (Don't wanna die) No worries, no worries, Sing for me, sing for me, We all need somebody, (Yeah you can sink) No worries, no worries, (Or you can swim) No worries, no worries, Sing for me, sing for me, We all need somebody

I just know your life's gonna change Sing for me, sing for me, We all need somebody...

Lets not piss about here. We were crap on Saturday. Sure, the outfield wouldn’t look out of place in Kosovo, but that doesn’t explain how a team of capable cricketers can give away so many overthrows (I’d count 10) and let through so many balls through their legs (I’d count 20). The bowlers kept to their task manfully on a placid track, but were let down by too many uncommitted and simply lazy fielding attempts. I’m not exempt from this by the way. Joey bowled 17 overs with few bad balls, Shaun was a threat (I underbowled him in hindsight), Zamm looks to be finding some more bite, but he’s not quite there yet. Incidentally he played a trial game for Middlesex on Friday and bowled 8-13-1. Kam lost it after not getting an lbw – not good enough Kam. Get over it. Move on.

216 was 30 too many. However, if some luck had gone our way, we’d have taken a few earlier wickets and given the state of the Battersea #6 downwards, we could have rolled them for 120. Maybe we’re not getting the luck we enjoyed last year. So be it. Get over it.

In response we started confidently and it looked easy, before MattyD played his first loose stroke since the first over, falling and leaving the Wick 50-1 off about 16. Whilst Adam was at the crease it was so easy. Watching him time the pants off the ball (some sublime cover drives, and flicks for 4 off the legs over midwicket were simply ridiculous) was like poetry, until he succumbed to a mix of the pitch and the trigger happy umpire.

As Alison pointed out, everyone who batted scored a boundary, and yet MattyD was the second highest scorer with a paltry 16. Against the seamers it was piss easy, and as soon as the dibbly-dobblers came on everyone started getting bowled/trapped in front/caught in the deep. Hmmm….

I don’t want to over-analyse, it wouldn’t help. We all know as individuals we need to raise our game. I’ve said this somewhere before…

The opposition is of a better standard, sure, but the only team who have been on our level that we’ve played against thus far have been Valley End (no bowlers) and Guildford City (rely on a few players).

Lets see if we can turn it around this week. Its not easy.

Who’s going to be the talisman? Who wants it?

DBW attains record 7.5

With not much to do on Saturday once the heavens opened, the boys were able to pay some serious attention to the works of DBW.

For once there was real variety and - with no real prospect of further play - it was time to tuck in. The eggs in the egg sandwiches were free range and glowed a bright yellow. There was a spicy sausagey thing going on. And other little touches which made all the difference to lift this tea out of mid season gastronomic torpor.

Cynics suggested that it was nothing but leftovers from the previous evening but Wickman's happy with that.

As a security guard of Wickman's acquaintance often says after a night sitting on his harris at minimum wage "musn't grumble". This week tea hit the spot.

Here the boys place bets as to what sort of binding agent will be used in the egg sandwiches. From left Hilly (behind post - get a shirt Hilly), Billy, Charlie, Cransey, Wrighty

HWRCC 2xi vs Merrow

Merrow 114-3 39 overs Rain 115-0 Sayce, Moore, Ewen, Crane, Wright, High, Clark*+, Goodwin, Noor, Hill, Lown

Rain wins by 10 wickets

Depressingly a game that was shaping up to its billing as a top of the table clash of the Titans was washed out at 4.30ish.

Merrow were inserted by the stand in skipper and HWRCC had largely pegged the opposition back with only Mead and an obdurate South African opener making much sense of the bowling before the rains came. Tight spells from Ted, Billy, Hilly and Lownsy (who bowled 11 off the reel) had made it difficult for all concerned. Merrow’s strategy – to sit in and see what they could get from 52 overs -looked like setting us a target in excess of 160 which might have been testing on a drying wicket.

However when the rain came it came in real torrents. So dark did it become that the trees in the park were no longer visible and within ten minutes there was so much standing water on the square (and in the hollows between the club house and square) that it did not take a genius (not that we had any) to see that the game had gone. At 6.20 when the optimists might have been prepared to have had 20 overs to chase the 114 at an unlikely 5.7 an over on something that would have been largely unplayable and with an outfield that would not have rewarded shots along the floor, the strip was still wetter than an Octopus’ front room.

So that was that. On balance 4 points suited neither side as Merrow failed to close the gap and The Wick failed to widen theirs to second and third place. Those who were picked for their batting spent one of those short afternoons in the field that leave one feeling slightly cheated, feeling slightly cheated. Like Cranesy for instance who took a blinding catch at short leg only to see the obdurate Jaapie stand his ground and the umpire (who had earlier thought that Tid was a new bowler mid spell so little attention was he paying) fail to spot the massive inside edge onto pad.

Next week we play Merstham at their place. The weather looks relatively calm at that end of the week so it will be time for The Wick to get back to winning ways if cricket is played. Our strong start to the season meant that we could afford to concede points to the weather this week and it doesn’t look as if any team will be closer than 18 points behind us going into game 8 of 16.

Wickman's Old Suttonians 2s Match Report

HWRCC 2xi vs Old Suttonians

HWRCC 181-9 (42.4 overs) Doc Greenwood 48

Old Sluts 78-10 (35.4 overs) Shaun Whinney 5-24

HWRCC won by 103 runs - League table

Moore, Sayce, Ewen, Crane, Lofting, Clark*+, Whinney, Noor, Greenwood, Hill, Lown

HWRCC beat conditions

A risky gamble paid off on Saturday as Doc Greenwood recorded his highest league score to dig stand in skipper Clarky out of a hole that was deepening by the minute. Choosing to bat on a soaking pitch to make the most of later bowling conditions, the Wick collapsed to 25-4 before partnerships between MS (26) and Clarky (23) and Shaun (17) and Doc (48) built a more than adequate total on a strip that became harder to bat on as the day wore on.

A deluge that was almost biblical in proportion arrived at 1.15pm, just as Clarky was looking out the opposition skipper, Wrankmore, to do some coin agitation. The toss was delayed while the rain came down and drenched everything. Clark decided that on balance – given the strength of the bowling attack – that he would prefer the Wick to bowl with a dry ball and the only way to have any chance of that was to bat first. It was also the only way that the game was going to get started if the home side took the obviously damp conditions on.

On winning the toss then, much to the opposition’s surprise, HWRCC batted. The decision began to look foolish as Moore edged behind to swell Duck Tax coffers, Sayce top edged a pull and was caught at fine leg and an uncharacteristically cautious Cranesy lobbed one to mid off, stopping his shot for the first time in living memory. When Ewen, who displayed much grit, was brilliantly caught at point / gully, the opposition could rightfully claim to be on top.

However – and perhaps Wickman will cause a heated debate – none of the wickets to fall thus far could be attributed to the state of the pitch. Granted it was not comfortable batting out there, but it was to be a whole lot worse for the opposition as the pitch dried and began to cut up rough like Staffordshire-Bull-Terrier-owning-hoodies in a North London housing estate. Lofting and Clark, while never well set, took advantage of some average bowling, both driving with some style once they had become used to the pace. Clark pulled one young tyro for a large six. Lofting smashed the ball back over another’s head repeatedly. And then a mini-disaster.

Lofting, turning for a second like a dog chasing its tail, pulled his hammy. Some comedy ensued as a bit of yes, no, yes, no “running” occurred in the middle of the pitch, but eventually everyone got home and the damage could be inspected. It was not good. MS retired to find some ice. Shaun joined Clarky and for a few overs they proceeded sedately to put up a decent score before Clark was totally undone by one that came back further than Hugh Grant did from career obscurity after he paid for a quick helmet shine in LA. At this point we were shy of a decent total with our batting either dead or wounded. Billy didn’t last long, spooning one back to the bowler, and in strode Doc.

Crumbs. Criminy. Yoinks. Lawks-a-mercy etc. This was boys own stuff reminiscent of a Victor comic or similar. Doc just biffed the ball all over the park. Clark, hoping to set 140, suddenly watched as the scoreboard revolved quicker than the reels on a fruit machine as Doc pulled and smashed his way towards what would have been a very well-deserved 50. His only blemish was to call Shaun through for a very tight single which Shaun failed to complete. Oh and skying one only for the bowler - too keen by half all day and not trusting his compatriots - to call for the catch and never get anyone near it despite at least two teammates being almost directly underneath it. After that, along with Hilly who made a muscular 10 not out, he completely dominated chasing 180 from 42 overs – the target set by a now rather cheerful Clarky. He eventually perished to his first miscue, caught form the shot that were it middled would have taken him to the magic number. It only remained for Lownsy to come to the wicket for the first time this season and play a very authentic sweep shot to bring up the 180 from 42.4. The declaration was made to preserve Dom’s average of infinity.

Ben Mellett for the opposition, a colt, was an impressive performer for Old Sluts. He will take the wickets of worse batsmen than Moore and Lofting in his career. Wellapilli used the conditions well also, making it difficult for the top order to score. Perhaps though, he could disguise his quicker ball slightly better. It wasn’t so much the signal at the beginning of the run as the doubling of run-up pace that gave it away...

Tea. 6/10. Same old.

If Old Sluts had been able to damage our top order with mostly on the spot sub-military-medium stuff, then it seemed self evident that Shaun and Muzzy – both a yard or two quicker and both much taller – would be very difficult to play on a what was now a quickly drying wicket.

In no time at all OS’s top order were back in the hutch, two caught behind (one off an impossible to deal with rearing ball from a good length from Shaun, the other playing an expansive drive from a super ball from Muzi). Then a fantastic moment. Crane, doing short leg, caught the dangerous Mellett Snr off the full face by staying low and demonstrating fantastic technique. 12-3 and the pitch looked lethal. It was a progression after that until Nichols and James shored things up.

Regular bowling changes followed to break up opposition rhythm and Doc and Lownsy both took wickets. Neither they nor Ewen could locate consistent length to make the bats play though and the skipper turned to Hill who rewarded him with the remarkable figures of 6-4-7-2. Considering that five came from one no ball this was fantastic bowling for the conditions. At the stumps, in-swinging Yorkers in the main, which did enough to break a stubborn eighth wicket partnership (Mellett B again displaying real fight with James), Hill was the pick of the change bowlers.

Shaun was brought back to finish things with overs running down and he removed Mellett B to end the match. This was not before some regrettable controversy occurred which had been brewing ever since Mellett Snr came out to umpire. A fellow that could start a fight, alone, in a phone box (see pic of Casa Mellett), he’d accused the Wick 1s, and Clark in particular, of cheating in the corresponding fixture last year. Knowing this, the Wick had been instructed not to talk to him at all when he batted and to keep as quiet as possible between deliveries as any incidental chat seemed to rile him. He batted reasonably well last year in a dogged rearguard and Clark wanted to ensure that he wasn’t wound up to do the same this time.

However this is the type that will come out to umpire in club games once he has no other role to play to make sure he’s still involved. It’s why you should always bring an umpire if you possibly can because they will probably not have two colt sons batting in the later overs and shouldn’t have an axe to grind. His petty involvement began by widing Dick unnecessarily. He then held back bowlers over fussily if anyone was talking as the bowler was reaching his mark. Here was a man seeking confrontation.

His opportunity eventually arose when Shaun unfortunately – as he had done a few times already to other bats – pitched one near his own toes and bounced it over the head of Mellett’s 13 year old son. It was unfortunate because the lad was not of great stature and this was a very difficult wicket now to keep the ball below bail height. Had we had Delboy in the side he would have been on at this point which would have taken all room for argument out. Unfortunately this short ball was delivered despite repeated and plaintive exhortations during the preceding twenty overs to all the Wick bowlers to try to pitch it up an extra yard to hit the stumps. There was no intent and everyone on the field knew it. Shaun himself was disappointed that he’d let such filth go and apologised immediately.

This prompted volleys of abuse from Mellett and threats to knock the bowler’s head off etc etc. At that point placatory words were said by the skipper to no avail as the tirade continued. Further attempts to pour oil on troubled waters failed between the overs as he then effectively accused the Wick of gamesmanship.

What an example to set the three Colts playing. One of them followed it and started dishing out verbals to the fielders, imagining that slights were being exchanged and this was the way to play cricket. Shamefully, not a single Old Sutt made the trip up the stairs to the bar for a pint afterwards and Mellett was the quickest out of the blocks since Ben Johnson won Gold in 6 or so seconds all those years ago and was surprised to find that he was more doped up on steroids than a champion bodybuilder. All pretty pathetic and frankly the victory was all the sweeter for it. Let us hope that the 2s can get out of this division so that we never have to play against this unfortunate again.

The game was played by all apart from him in good spirit and without edge until his interventions. But the 20 points fall to us on a weekend when Guildford City did us a favour and beat Merrow to leave us… 20 points ahead of the field. There’s a lot to be said for this victory. We won the game batting first on a difficult surface. We toughed it out to give ourselves the best of the conditions to bowl in. And we stuck to the task of winkling out a side that were never in the game and stopped going for it very early. And much better value for our match fees than doing it the other way around.

HWRCC 2xi vs Wandgas 2xi - Match Report

HWRCC 2xi vs Wandgas 2xi (h) - Scorecard

Lofting, Tideswell, Fudge*, High, Clark +, Soppitt, Donnelly, Taylorson, Noor, Lown, Goodwin

Wandgas 92 all out Soppitt 5-0-5-11, Goodwin 13-6-1-13 HWRCC 93-4 Clark 29*, Lofting 25

HWRCC grind out excellent victory

Those of you with young children will be used to Scooby Doo. For the purists, only the older episodes will do. The original theme tune, no Scrappy Doo and a Daphne that stirred strange longings in even pre-pubescent young men (despite ginger hair) are a potent recipe even now.

In Scooby Doo, you will remember, 4 youths (the aforementioned Daphne, Fred – a strange cravat wearing graduate, a loser stoner called Shaggy and an ugly bowl headed “intelligent” one called Velma) and the eponymous dog Scooby who, unusually for a canine, can talk in short sentences, are driving around in a van. No one knows why. No one knows why anyone entertains them. What do they do in real life? How do they earn an income? What relationship do they have with each other? If they aren’t related, who is chaperoning Fred and Daphne?

Anyway. Threre’s a mystery each week that Fred and the team have to solve. Usually Shaggy and Scooby, both of whom must be constantly wrecked, have to eat halfway through the story. So it’s much like a game of Wick cricket. The mystery yesterday was what Wandgas had done with their 2s.

An obviously understrength Wandgas were inserted and soon found themselves approximately 6-2. Tommy D ripped out one of their openers who played no stroke to one that cut back and hit his off stump via his pad. Skipper Fudgey swooped on a quick single and threw down the stumps at the bowler’s end with a direct hit from an acute angle to dismiss the other. They were soon in even more trouble as Billy swung one back to remove Number 4 LBW. They had mustered 11-3.

A decent partnership for the fourth wicket made a game of it as the Number 3, Bash (no kidding) assembled 34 runs mostly through point and between the posted slips and the gully. Their No 5, Winslade, had an early altercation with Clarky – who employed a limited vocabulary in the exchange – and displayed the only really obvious batting technique on the day. However he came up against Ted Goodwin in majestic form. Ted bowled wicket to wicket stuff, occasionally beating both bats off the pitch, and conceding only 13 runs from 11 overs. That Ted only took one wicket – digging one in against the number three who tamely patted it back – was because he was simply too good and all the bats could do was pat him back up the pitch despite Fudgey setting them a field which encouraged them to pay through the V.

The Wick’s quick over rate and rapid changes of ends meant that 20 overs were bowled in the first hour and the game got away from Wandgas. When Delboy was introduced to the attack, as is usual the opposition’s eyes lit up like the quiz machine in the bar. A couple of muscular slogs resulted while Delboy found his line and then, in four overs of mayhem he took a five-for to destroy the Wandgas lower order.

His first removed the barnacle-like Winslade who had laboured for three quarters of an hour for 8. Attractive flight confused him and he yorked himself, the ball knocking back the middle stump. No 7 was not a batsman. He poked around for a couple of balls before edging behind to a grateful Clarky to give Del two wickets in his second over. No 6 perished bowled round his legs a la Shane Warne. No 8 was caught by the same fielder, Clarky’s arm telescoping out to snare a good catch like Inspector Gadget. No 9 also found a way to get bowled. Absolute carnage. Lownsy, last week’s man of the match and opening bowler, was tossed the cherry as fourth change and bowled their No 10 who was making no bones about the fact that he couldn’t bat. No 11 didn’t trouble the scorers, facing, as he did, no balls.

An absolutely ruthless performance in the field served up Wandgas on a plate. The only catches offered were accepted with glee. Fudgey’s run-out was phenomenal and killed their innings before it got going. All the bowlers put the ball on the spot, Ian Taylorson getting some encouraging movement through the air, with Ted and Delboy taking the lion’s share of the plaudits.

So back to the Scooby Doo metaphor. With half the episode in the bag, we were beginning to see a pattern emerging. This Wandgas team was an imposter! This correspondent believed that the No 11, of West Indian descent, must be a pacy fast bowler. Indeed not. He donned the leg-guards and some frankly brutally red keeper’s gloves and took up station behind the stumps. He was definitely in disguise, and very scary. Anything down the leg-side became byes – 1,2 or 4 – and throughout our innings extras kept the scoreboard ticking over nicely. Clarky began to suspect that it was the wicket-keeper who had done it…

MS and Nevil Tideswell (having a pleasant weekend down South) opened our account. The two openers were decentish, one bowling big induckers the other bowling wicket to wicket. Nev’s rustiness was exposed early and he was bowled by one of the aforementioned induckers. Fudgey replaced him and was undone by a good slip catch against the same bowler. Charlie was bowled by one from the other end which cut back off the pitch. So far not so good. The Wick subsided to 28-3.

However Clarky joined MS and together they set about the flagging openers both particularly brutal on anything short. The change bowlers were not of the class of the opening pair (again they were dressed up as cricketers but were probably in disguise) and MS began to enjoy himself against them one or two lofted shots into the leg side for four recalling his salad days. There were to be no further real alarms as both proceeded comfortably to twenty-something. MS did perish when one stopped on him and he lobbed it to cover, but that only brought a beaming Del to the wicket who assembled a rapid 8 runs to win the game and with it the coveted MOM.

The opposition packed their bags and left as soon as they possibly could. They had descended into bickering in the field and using choice language to refer to each other. This continued as they left the ground. The mystery of the missing cricket team was resolved later. Apparently many of their players are Chelsea supporters so they had gone to the FA Cup final. There were 8 changes from the previous week. Good. Thanks for the points. They will, at full strength, probably do us a favour by beating other teams in the league. Thanks for that too. Frankly boys, the disguises as cricketers didn’t quite work. With two players batting in white T-shirts, one donning a hooded top to field, you weren’t convincing…

DBW provided the Scooby snacks (7/10 – addition of pate sandwiches – unusual but much admired).

MOM Delboy pictured here with jug. TFC Tidy… pictured here with some new duck friends.

2s vs Old Emms - or how AJ stitched us up

HWRCC 2xi vs Old Emmanual 1xi (enough said).

OE 256-4 (40 overs) No 4 100*

HWRCC 140ish – 8 (40 overs) Hibberd 33

HWRCC: A Moore, P Hibberd, D Fudge, N Clark +, C High, B Daly, D Soppitt, J Cameron, T Donnelly, D Lown, M Noor

The most important call on Saturday for the 2s was not that made at the toss by the opposition captain but the one made by Alexander George Edward Jackson when booking the fixture. Your correspondent imagines it thus:

OE Fixtures Sec Telephone: Ring ring, ringety-ring (repeat x 4) AGEJ: Lazy sold answer the phone, answer the phone OEFS: Hello, you are through to John Doe Plastics, how can I help you? AGEJ: You the fixtures sec for OEs then buddy? OEFS: Er, ah ha, yes, at work you know, got to pretend. AGEJ: Yeah me too, my boss doesn’t mind though he plays down at the club. OEFS: Lucky. Talk much cricket in the office does he? AGEJ: Yeah mate, but he’s got a rubbish imaginary square cut. ATS. FACT. Right, let’s do some business. OEFS: What have you got mate? AGEJ: Cheeky pre-season date. Looking at the 28th April. OEFS: Good stuff – I can give you our 1s. 2nd Div, Surrey Champ, job done. AGEJ: *hesitates for a microsecond before imagining his fixtures card full up* Yeah we’ll have some of that our ahem 1s will be up for that, don’t you worry, they got promoted last year and everything. OEFS: Cheers old chum. Do you play 1s then? AGEJ: Erm yes, but I will be visiting my dear old Granny that day so I won’t see you. OEFS: Toodle pip then. AGEJ: All the best phone put down hee hee hee no one will know…

And Mr Jackson was right. We didn’t know. Right up until we’d bowled about 6 overs at them and realised that both of their openers were capable of absolutely timing the leather off the ball and could look largely unconcerned when faced with some banana-like swing and raw pace from Muzzybilly and some impressively gun-barrel straight stuff from Tommy D.

The message came through loud and clear when, having finally taken a couple of wickets (Muzzy uprooting one’s leg stump with a bigggggg in-ducker and Thatsamooray taking a blinder at ankle height in the gully off Tommy D), we got to look at numbers 3 and 4. We spent some time looking at both as they went about their business. No 4 eventually assembled a fine-looking century in fact, giving only a quarter chance early on when he edged a full toss hard and fast to second slip. You might call it a half chance at test level, but to pluck this would have installed the unfortunate recipient in Wick folklore. That was not to be.

A couple of other things became apparent.

Fielding on this outfield is going to require some guts and bravery until it can be mown and it recovers from winter use as grazing for sundry deer and football prac. Right now it’s hard work. Clarky, forced into a number of last gasp leg side Peter-The-Cat- Bonnetti-type interceptions early on was much chagrined by a number of balls that pea-rolled after pitching for a second time and made him look much older and less adept than usual. Others watched the ball zig-zag past them. Still others watched it hop over their hands or fail to take an expected bounce. For a while we were truly pummelled as the ball disappeared time after time. My advice? Long barriers and to note that the 2s are now playing away from home (in the cricketing sense) until May 19th.

This particular strip has lost some oomph over the winter. The ball tends to keep low when delivered from the Kingston end. A number of our bats were to be undone failing to get forward later on and it was difficult to get the ball away all day.

Dominic Lown was to profit from the bounce to get rid of their very handy looking number 3. A right hander who looked to have the class of an overseas player, had looked very accomplished and played some beautiful straight drives before chasing a wide one that kept low, and feathering it into Clark’s gloves. At the other end the No 4, left-handed Jaapie, continued to put the ball in all the right places.

Derek Del-Boy Soppitt was perhaps the only bowler to come close to containing him and used flight and guile to keep him subdued and delay his century until the 40th over. In the meantime Del tempted the No 5 to hoist him to a nonchalant Hibberd at long on (one of those classic Hibberd will he bother to catch it ah yes he’s got it specials). Clark told the No 4 as the ball hung for ever in the sky “that’s out that is” and it was.

Jimmy C and Tommy D bowled the death overs, Jimmy bowling No 6 with a shooter that wouldn’t have looked out of place in the hands of John Wayne and between times Fudge and Hibberd turned their arms over, but in the face of withering batting from No 4.

And so to tea. Fruit salad in evidence. Egg sandwiches as per. A good sense of vinegar in the tuna numbers. Encouraging start to the season etc etc as this is a friendly, no points will be awarded.

Our reply began at 4 an over and it looked as if OEs had not brought with them their usual opening attack. And frankly, given that they are a number of divisions above us, we were playing some of their 1s it’s probably a good job too. Hibberd continued to display good early season form, racing to 33 with one or two finely timed shots while Mooray looked less comfortable in his first trot of the season.

The ball, unchanged from the first innings, began to lose whatever shine it had and the phrase “that one kept low” was much in evidence. Hibberd and Moore both perished bowled by their No 3 in quick succession, who, it transpired, bowled leg spin in the style of Anil Kumble (ie much skid and just a hint of turn). This introduced Fudge and Clark to the wicket with 7 an over needed from 30.

Now I am not saying that 7 an over was an impossibility against this attack but it seemed an unlikely mountain to climb. Not Everest, or K2 even, more, perhaps, a Killimanjaro. Something that, with things in your favour, and some preparation, you could walk to the top of without too much bother. However, the pitch was not in our favour. I thought the opposition were calling it a cabbage patch at one point, but deduced that they were referring to a rather round faced young man who resembled the dolls of the same name. At least I think I have got that right. Accurate seam-up from the Kingston end did, eventually, for Fudge attempting to guide one too many to the midwicket fence, Tommy D feeling unable to deny the bowler given that the skipper hadn’t got forward. Clark was finding it difficult to locate the middle of the bat and was scraping 1s and 2s together in place of a decent innings.

Charles High esq visited the wicket briefly and took up where he left off last year, hitting the ball as hard as he could, quickly racing to double figures, often with assistance from the fielding side. Perhaps together High and Clark could have made more of a game of it as Clark found his feet in the middle but another failure to get forward at the Mill Wood end did for High (LBW to Mooray) and Clark, having located the boundary from some “we’d like to keep you interested so we’re going to toss some up” bowling perished at mid on for 25. Not before, mind you, setting himself to play a back foot pull shot (anticipating something about knee high) and having to play a hockey-style slap to keep a pea-roller out.

Some circumspect batting from Ben Daly and Jimmy C (work in the front room of his Clapham flat has ensured a more correct style than that evidenced over the winter) ensured we did not capitulate tamely and Del and Tommy D, in contrasting styles, brought the total to some respectability. Jimmy and Muzzy lasted out the final few overs of “right you have a go” bowling and handshakes were exchanged.

Some lessons were learned. Until the outfield clears up, bravery may just determine who wins games. Captains will choose which bowlers to use at which end to take account of the bounce. And we must all play much straighter and on the front foot for the moment. Despite a sound thumping in this encounter, spirit remained constant and it’s interesting to note that despite some dodgy ground fielding, what chances came our way were accepted.

With the xbats playing at home on Saturday, work being done on the benches and elsewhere, with a social in the evening (I can report that the London Pride was at a good temperature – I kept going back to check all night) and non-playing members in evidence it was an encouraging start to the season. Now it only remains to make sure that AGE Jackson esq hasn’t stitched up any more sides. The relative safety of league fixtures aside, look out anyone playing Wednesday, Sunday or 3s…

Wick does Ditton double - Mackie's Match report

HWRCC Vs Thames Ditton

P Hibberd, R Cole, D Fudge*, K Razza, M Mackie+, C High, D Soppitt, A Crane, I Taylorson, T Donnelly, M NoorHWRCC – 191 a/o Razza 49, Hibberd 46, Fudge 46Thames Ditton CC – 87 a/o Donnelly 3-30, Razza 2-17, Cole 2-5

HWRCC win by 104 runs

With resident match report writers unavailable due to prior commitments, I have humbly taken on the role of journalist-in-chief for the season’s second fixture, an away trip to Thames Ditton. With 8 changes to last week’s victorious side, the match was a good test of the Wick’s new found depth of squad. It’s a new experience to have so many players keen to play at this early stage in the season.

Captain Fudge won the toss and we decided to bat on a track that seemed firm but had a couple of lively ridges, perfect for the odd popping ball here and there. In form Hibberd and kit man Cole opened up and looked assured, Hibberd’s aggressive approach complemented by the steadily built innings of Cole. Another opening partnership passed 50 within the first 10 overs and the Wick seemed set for another big score. Hibberd, who had played some beautiful shots, especially an elegant flick of the pads for six, looked as if he could make it two tons in two weeks, but alas, he was undone, running himself out for a decent and quick paced 46. Some believe he may have run himself out through guilt. Three balls previously he had skied one straight up, the keeper called it… then proceeded to miss the catch by a good two yards. Village (see earlier posts). The Thames Ditton attack, however, was proving anything but village, and delivered an excellent workout with the league season ever getting closer. Fudge strode to the wicket and began to build his innings, just as Coley, who was well set, larruped one straight to cover who took a decent catch, leaving the Wick two down. Fudgey and Kam picked the right balls to attack and to defend. A superb sweep from Fudgey, timed to perfection, was a joy to behold. Kam fell on 49 LBW to a decent enough Australian bowler who had been doing a bit throughout the innings. Fudge and Mackie started with some decent running, taking quick singles and twos, until this tactic led to the downfall of Fudge, run out with both batsmen in the same crease. At 173-3 off 34 overs, the Wick really should have pushed on. However, with the track not playing as well as the top four had made it look, and some horrible attempted heavy hitting, the Wick collapsed to 191 all out, the last 7 wickets falling for a measly 18 runs.

Confidence was high at tea that 191 was more than enough on this wicket and so it proved. Kam and Tommy D opened up with some excellent line and length with swing both ways. The two openers didn’t last long, Tommy D getting an LBW and Kam proving too quick to the left handed No 2 who popped one up to the grateful Crane, who through the catch had effectively ruled himself out of the TFC award. Their paid overseas player came in and looked decent, playing some excellently timed shots on both sides of the wicket. One shot too many was tried, a horrible, out of character cross batted swipe, resulting in Tommy D and the rest of the Wick celebrating, Hibby claiming the game was over at this point. Kam picked up another, caught behind by the makeshift keeper Mackie before claiming the fifth wicket, bowled. Tommy D got the big Aussie, Mellman taking a diving one handed catch after some intelligent bowling from Tommy D who sensed the charge and banged one in. At this point Tommy D and Kam had done their job and Muzzy and Ian were brought into the attack. After some cheeky mind games, Muzzy bowled the number 7 with one that kept low and did a bit off the seam. Struggling with his boots, Muzzy bowled a mix bag, some pearlers mixed in with a couple of rough ones, but it can all be forgiven in the first game of the season, and the potential is there for a successful season for Billy. Fudgey then threw down the stumps for his first ever direct hit run out and the practice and effort of the training drills was bearing fruit. Coley came on, bowled two bats in two balls and was unlucky with another, seemingly, quite plum LBW appeal. It was left to debutant Ian to pick up the final wicket, an edge through to Mackie to wrap up a comprehensive win for the Wick. A great game to be involved in, an excellent fielding and bowling display, great batting from the top four and enthusiasm and motivation at levels previously thought impossible. Mention must go to Kam who did a bit with both bat and ball, Tommy D who bowled his 9 overs superbly, Fudge for his captaincy and Ian who produced an extremely encouraging debut with some good tight bowling, committed fielding and good chat throughout.

must also mention Alison and Tom the colt and thank them for scoring. There’s nothing better than looking at one of Alison’s scorecards, except maybe if I had made more runs! Good to see various Wick members popping along to watch at various intervals, it is great to see and at this moment in time I am far too excited about this season to even manage to put it into decent prose. MOM - T.Donnelly for a fantastic opening spell of 9 overs, 3 – 30.

M Mackie - nb Mellman is the hypochondriac Giraffe from Madagascar. Some say Mackie, well, isn't as unwell as he thinks... cheers Mackie for this. What a game to miss!

Nets - Quality

Wickman is back from nets at Tiffin School. They're at 7pm every Sunday night. They are the highlight of Wickman's week. Wickman's Monday morning work induced depression, only levened by thinking of Mick Lewis's quivering top lip in South Africa, is made worse by knowing that there are six days to wait until Wickman can net again. Tonight the standard is excellent. Last year's 1s new ball pairing, Joey and Barrell, are hairing in. It's that little bit too dark for comfort. A new guy, Kamran, turns up. He's very quick too. He pings one into Wickman's inner thigh off an inside edge. The edge is the only thing that stops it cannoning into Wickman's old boys. And off a couple of paces. And then there's Tid. Tid is Wick. And Shaun. And Dom. And Billy. Billy's back. It's challenging. Lively. The nets at Tiffin are quick at the best of times. Tonight they are lightening quick. Wickman is pleased to retire to the Kingston Tup without further injury. Here are some nice bright nets, outdoors. They are probably quick too.