Getting Wick With... Tongy

Tongy's been with the club for a couple of years now... but underneath the diffident, floppy haired exterior, what makes the Sunday skipper and 1xi stalwart tick? Royal Cricket asked Tongy to give it to us in his own words...

Nickname: Tongy, Baywatch, Hollyoaks (thanks Hibby)
Highest Score for HWRCC: 88 v Teddington town 2009
Best Bowling for HWRCC: 8-38 v Chobham 2009
Favourite Away Ground: In my short time playing in Surrey I’d go with Sandersted, but in Kent it has to be Little Chart near Ashford
Favourite Food: Mexican
Favourite Singer/Band: Radiohead/The Clash
Favourite Movie: Gladiator
Favourite Book: To Kill a Mockingbird
Favourite Pub/Club: New Slang at the works in Kingston, indie night with live music, Or The Cricketers pub on Fairfield park in Kingston after playing Saturday football league matches. Premiership game on the pirated sky box, decent beer, comfy seating and awesome Thai food
Favourite Crisps: Classic 10p Space raiders, do they still do those??
Favourite DBW Sandwich: Toss-up between the pate speciale or the salami….perfect diet for a fast bowler.
Favourite Quote: Any time Matty D does a Raza impression. Churchill’s famous, "We shall fight them on the beaches"
Childhood Sports Hero: Carl Fogerty (world superbike champ), Jason Gillespie, and Robbie Fowler
Best Wick Moment: The moment Matty D mentioned I was in the 1st XI for the following week after having taken 4-8 in ten overs for the 3’s….although 6-17 against Teddington in my first year was also very memorable
Worst Wick Moment:Making the mistake to try and run a third with Kam at Merrow in 2009. I could have made a 4th, he was miles out…..lost us the game
Invite 3 People to Dinner (Dead or Alive): Che Guevara, Jim Morrison, Claudia Winkleman

Lost 1 x Rubber Chicken

With the new league season underway, the Wick duck tax account is well and truly open and already being levied upon those who fail to trouble the scorer. Indeed in the last two weeks illustrious members such as Jimmy C, Goldmember, Nathan and Melman have all become members of the 08zero club and enjoyed the tricky experience of drinking past a rubber duck in their beer. But there is something missing. This heinous crime of non scoring is going unpunished as Nelson our fine enforcing chicken friend appears to have flown south for winter and not returned. There was a rumour that he was holidaying at Hibby's flat and that Hibby had been choking him to within an inch of his life to put him out of action. Hibby was unavailable to comment...

If anyone has any information pertaining to Nelson's whereabouts please e-mail Wickman (who ever he is) or comment below. This is a recent photo from his holiday album.... the female on the right has been ruled out of the investigation on the basis she is fowl.

Next Social

The next social at the club will be new members' evening on 17 May. Entry is a modest £3 to cover some minor costs. Your compere for the evening will be Paul Hibby Hibberd and your DJ - none other than Resident denizen of the wheels of steel, DJ Fudgey Fudge of GeniusSound. Ideally we would like there to be dancing and rapid consumption of alcohol leading to intoxication and the having of fun in the company of adults. So you will need to plan ahead. Find approximately £25 and put it in a drawer. Do not touch this until the morning of 17 May. Write in diary "New Members Evening at The Wick". Tell significant others the cold hard facts that they can either join you down the Wick or nothing. If you are a new member, do not even THINK about being somewhere else (new members is defined by not having been to a new members evening before which is the vast majority of the club) and think of it as an opportunity to make new friends and therefore enjoy your cricket more this year. Thank you. May 17. 8pm or whenever the last car returns to the Wick.

First Match, Nets, Practice roll up roll up etc

Chaps

Sunshine and cruel Artic winds allowing we're due our first game and formal outside practice session on Sat 19th April.

New skipper of the thirds James Lloydy Lloyd (who makes up these nicknames?) will run net and fielding practice from 12.30.

Those not picked for the mixed ability Wick team to play Thames Ditton are invited to attend. Those of you with stout livers and strong constitutions will then enjoy a lively trip to watch the boys play. Last year Paul Hibby Hibberd (who makes up these nicknames) was in fine form and smashed a ton.

Nets will then run every Tues & Thurs at 18:00 from 22nd April. There are one or two Wednesday Oval nets remaining for those of you who fancy a more controlled environment in which to limber up for the season...

Duck tax applies from Friday 18 April by the way in all games including Sundays... £5 seniors, £2.50 concs (Colts exempted).

HIbby and the Eskimos + special guest DJ Fudge

Without wishing to go on about it Saturday could be a legendary evening at the club. Wickman says could be because it will only actually be a legendary evening if people turn up and bring guests. If you do turn up and bring guests the place will be heaving. If you don't, it might be sort of like when Hibby and the Eskimos rehearse down there. The band. On stage. With no one watching. Which would be dull.

Imagine the place with three eager bar staff, Fudgey's Mrs on the door, specially mixed vats of cocktails for the laydeees, a fully stocked bar, Fudgey doin a bit on the decks.

That sort of infectious atmosphere could get a leper laid.

See you there?

New Wick Poker Champion Crowned

A new Wick poker champion was finally crowned in the small hours of Sunday morning after a closely contested three hour final. A final table of Lownsy's landlord Mikey, Lownsy's mate Pete, Hibby, Clarky, Powelly and Mackie duelled it out in close card combat until finally Clarky drew a staight on the turn to beat Powelly's high pair. Earlier, Olly Lloyd (Teddington) had just missed out a final berth being the short stack. His consolation was to win the "plate" final beating stiff competition from Wickles, Matti, Lownsy, Joey and Lingers. Powelly had earlier been chip leader on his table and was, rather like the seconds leading for all but the final day of last season, unlucky to come a close second. £££s were raised for club funds.

Social Nights March, April, May

The first Wick social of the year is this month on Saturday 29th March beginning at 1930hrs. Yes it's Poker Night. A relatively quiet affair at which AJ trousered the pot last year, this year its time to put your poker face on, get practicing on Facebook and work out how to avoid looking like Ricky Ponting plumb in front and waiting for the finger when your bluff is called.

Poker will, of course, be the focus of the evening. Your entry fee of £20 will buy you a donation to club funds, food*, beer^ and contribution to the prize pot. Places will be available at a series of tables, the eventual winners at which will join the "Wick Table of Champions" or other such title when we've thought it up to duel for the main prize of the night.

This in no way cliched image will give you no idea whatsoever how the evening is set to pan out.

Your social committee would like you to reserve a number of other dates to be entertained and entertaining.

Hibby and the Eskimos will make a triumphant return to The Wick on Saturday April 12th from 1930hrs. Although none of you will have need of a girlfriend once the season starts, there will be real, live, outsiders at this evening as the H&TheEs fanbase (Ethel and Mavis Scoggins of Surbiton) will be invited. Only kidding btw they are legendary... This promises to be a massive night in Wick history so start warming up your vocal cords and current girlfriend to attend this. There is likely to be dancing of the modern variety at this evening too. Ticket prices will be in the region of £5 to go to the club as a donation by the Eskimos for the club providing rehearsal space.

We will have our first First League Game Party (inc Barbecue - fill your boots) on May 10th. This is to welcome new members to the club and to celebrate the fact that we will have put out three league teams that day! Entertainments etc will be communicated at a later date but you can bet your bottom dollar, Euro or £ that it will include Karaoke, cocktails (bring those girlfriends picked up on April 12th and any that you have managed to hold onto into May).

Wickman is so excited, that he just can't hide it, he's about to lose control and he thinks that, on balance, he just might like it...

Les Bieres du Monde - Saturday 8pm @ The Wick

This strange looking thing on the left is a beer. It's brewed by those whacky Septics at Samuel Adams brewery. A website says that it retails for $100 per 24 ounce bottle. Wickman is an expert in such matters and can tell you that 24 ounces US is about 1.25 UK pints. You don't want to get into a round of those babies late on Saturday night... while it is a brain mangling 25% alcohol there are cheaper ways to ming. Wickman remembers White Lightening was the modus operandi of the outside drinking enthusiast a while back and he's always believed in taking expert advice.

Saturday evening sees the return to the Wick of one of the most liver poundingly good events of the year - Beers of the World. The idea is you buy SIX or more beers from anywhere in the world (geddit) and donate them to the Wick bar. This is your entry ticket. You then buy back any of the beer that has been donated for £2 a pop. This raises money for The Wick. Last year Hibby turned up with four Carling Premier. Now, whilst this was indubitably a light refreshing lager, with a hint of gas and a light hoppy aroma, it wasn't very interesting. It still got drunk of course but it would be good to see a bit of ingenuity...

No doubt we'll get around to laying on some food of some description for a small additional price and there will be music (resident DJ Geniussound) and frolics including Beersoftheworldpong and Corona Darts. Whisper who dares but Saturday could be a very big night out.

All are welcome so spread the word.

Ditton 2s rearguard staves off heavy defeat

HWRCC 2nd xi vs Long Ditton CC 2nd xi (h)

Sayce, Fudge*, GingangGoldyGoldyGoldyGoldywhat’supginggangGold?, Hibberd, Clark+, High, Soppitt, Cameron, Greenwood, Hill, Lown

Long Ditton won the toss and decided to field

HWRCC 229-8 47.5 overs. Fudge 100, Hibberd 30
Long Ditton 132-9 48 overs Greenwood 5-25

They say fortune favours the brave. HWRCC were all bluster with the bat on Saturday but couldn’t quite boss the game with ball in hand. In the event a declaration that arrived at the right time technically was a wasteful indulgence on a day when the “margin of draw” was 97 runs.

Credit is due to Long Ditton who are the first team to get a draw against the 2s without the assistance of the rain. Heck this is the first 95 over game the 2s have played this year. That Long Ditton didn’t even get close to the winning draw, and only picked up four points in total, shows the relative inequity in the performances and suggests that the rules are wrong somewhere. There’s no value at all to Long Ditton’s valiant rearguard action. The rules don’t reward them for hanging on.

The Wick’s reward was only 2 points for dominating the match and 8 bonus points for doing everything except take that final wicket, absurdly imbued with 10 points all of its own. Ten points to winkle out a batsman with enough technique to realise that all he has to do is to not do anything aggressive and his team won’t have been beaten…

All the risk is piled on to the skipper who wants to win. For the skipper who can’t win because he does not have the resources, there’s no thought of batting first because if his side isn’t up to it, he doesn’t have to attack at any point in the game. He just sits back and preys on the need of the oppo skipper to win the game. Plus its more embarrassing to get dicked out for 132 looking for runs than it is to grind out 132 batting second blocking it out and squeezing boundaries off edges.

With respect to Long Ditton’s young team and skipper Knight who did so much to give us a good game, 230 runs were far too many. This is a strange time of year though. Teams that have done very little during the season to date are suddenly racking up 250+ and reducing teams to less than 100. Not very dignified to top the table and get taken apart. Elsewhere teams that have flirted with the top of the league are suffering mid-season wobbles which would make a Weightwatcher blanch. Guildford City declared after 40 overs yesterday desperate to keep their hopes of promotion alive and had 250+ overhauled… However a bit more bravado might have given us another five overs to do the job. In the warm light of Saturday afternoon 229 didn’t look toooo indulgent…

Our innings was a thing of great beauty. Skipper Fudge decided he would pinch hit. But once out there discovered young Colt Cheema in good form and with a slingy action. At the other end, Morton, a seasoned campaigner, bowled 15 overs of miserly medium away swingers in the almost Mississippi-like swamp heat. Neither Fudge nor Sayce found runs flowing. Both had to knuckle down. And once Fudge had banished a tendency to plant his pad on off stump and whip the ball around it to long leg, he looked the real deal. Sayce, as ever, played with technical aplomb and guided and urged the ball around the park while Fudge played as authentically but with muscle and slightly tighter technique than usual. Gone were the trademark flourishes and the extra waggles of a Garcia with the yips to be replaced with bludgeoning efficiency. This was good stuff.

There’s that bit in the Dambusters movie where, when the dams are broken, the director has spliced in dodgy footage of water spurting through a breach in the Eder. If you’ve seen the film you’ll remember it. The special effects genius of the time (early 1950s) has almost drawn the water on to the film. Still, it’s an impressive gush. Something like Old Faithful blowing in Yellowstone. Something like this happened to the usually even tempered Sayce with the opening stand in the late 70s. Suddenly the Sayce head received a rush of blood so stupendous that there was nothing he could do apart from slog a left armer up into the air and into the hands of one of Ditton’s youngsters.

The obdurate Sayce was replaced by the equally obdurate Goulborn. As Goldy held up the end that Saycey had been holding up, Fudge continued to make merry, dragging the Wick through the 100 barrier and into the batting points. Gold almost partnered Fudge to his personal milestone but perished to bring Hibberd to the wicket who was in a mood much like Toad of Toad Hall on receiving a new motor car.

This coincided with a odd bit of captaincy from Knight. With Fudge clearly flagging a few short of the milestone, the Wick in search of quick runs with Hibberd looking like forty agitated ferrets tied up in a pillow case, he brought on a youngster who served up 31 runs in two overs, most of which went to Hibberd and helped Fudge to reach a well-deserved 100 – the first for the club on Saturday this year.

It was strange because Knight later brought himself on and bowled three overs of extremely serviceable off breaks which claimed High and Soppitt. Those of us inclined to cynicism wondered whether he had held himself back while the really big bullets were being fired. Those of us inclined to seek the best in human nature imagined fondly that he was trying to give all his young bowlers a game.

Bennett – who caused all the bats problems – removed Fudge who had decided to begin pinch hitting only 90 minutes late. He then dispatched an out of sorts Clark who was so off his game that he forget to wear a thigh pad and perished in time honoured Wick fashion with his brains up his arse trying to pull a short ball that, surprise, surprise you’ve only seen it a thousand times, didn’t get up from the Kingsfield end. It was a horrible shot and fully deserved its £5 price tag and accompanying death rattle. Out from the moment it hit the track and inevitably sped under a horizontal bat like a tracer bullet. There was no point in any bat throwing or tantrums. Just a need for quiet reflection.

High then seized his opportunity to partner Hibberd in the search for quick runs and peppered the area between Long on and Cow with boundary seeking guided missiles. A rapid 28 was good value in the circumstances. The rest of the middle order followed Clark’s lead, Soppitt, Cameron, Greenwood and Hill not reaching double figures with some achieving only slightly more than others. 229 had been assembled from 47.5. A good performance in most weeks, but far too many for a Ditton side shorn of a couple of its strong bats (looking at Play Cricket).

Tea. No. Not good. Sorry. Not even quantity this week. I know I was not in the best of moods, but REALLY! 6.

48 overs should have been enough to truss up Long Ditton, bundle them into a van, drive them back over their side of the Thames, drop them in a field, phone the skipper’s mum, demand a tidy ransom, pick it up using an elaborate system of false bag drops and reveal where they were before they starved. But in the event we did not make the batsmen play enough when we bowled.

It seemed that none of the usual pressure was applied and that the performance was, well, just a bit flat. Yes Doc bowled with the guile and cunning of an ancient crocodile appointed Chair of Guile at the University of the River Nile (and was well rewarded in his first spell). Yes Hill made the ball talk, first in a high falsetto and then in a rich baritone, sometimes singing like Hibby, at other times swearing like a navvy with his thumb hit by a hammer. But too much hared harmlessly down the leg side or sailed wide of the off stump. We admired the shape. We were impressed by the areas (even when they weren’t) and we congratulated those two and Lownsy on the “wheels”.

At times it was too good. But in a game when we didn’t take a slip catch and the only edge behind was off a wild yahoo reminiscent of Saycey’s earlier moment, more needed to threaten the stumps. A lesson must be learned here. You need to make batsmen play. Doc deserved his five for and largely did just that. Hilly did get curl and a couple of wickets. But he also tested Clark to destruction who felt a kinship with Matt Prior that went beyond a tendency to shout a lot and slog runs. At least there wasn’t a Tendulkar to drop.

Lownsy also found the right line and, agony of agonies, took the final wicket only to be told he had overstepped. In between Hibby’s fire ball was discovered to be more Nov 5 sparkler than wrecker of street fighting video game characters and Fudgey’s occasional offspin would have been meat and drink to Barry Bonds the home run record hero of last week being as it was mostly full tosses. One of them did for Knight who threatened to make a big score against us as he slapped it in the general direction of Lownsy. Lownsy pulled off a simply stunning one handed catch to a ball that looked to be past him, dropping rapidly and generally not in an arc that Dom should have been able to intercept. But he did and it brought a win sharply into focus for us. How could we fail when such a stunner had been taken?

Fail we did. The last pair survived 36 balls and deserved their moment of quiet satisfaction at denying us a win. It felt like a sloppy performance. It felt like we weren’t penetrative. And maybe some quality in the pitch was missing to make Del so eminently playable on a day when there seemed to be enough turn and bounce for us to expect another 3 for 3 or similar. We drew by 97 runs which, if this were a straight overs format, would be a massacre any bit as humiliating as Custer’s last stand. But it isn’t and Knight, Bennett and Cheema amongst others can look back with some satisfaction on a job well done.

And, as Forrest Gump says, “that’s all I’m gonna say about that”. Scorecard League Table

Tour Diary - Goldy is Lively

Sunday 2.00pm Club Day is reinstated in a restricted format as the Sun gets his batting helmet on and twenty or so cricket starved Wick men play a two innings “overs” game. Clarky is bowled first ball of the match to much amusement as he misses a Linter slower ball. Big, big sixes are hit. The club house roof is peppered, one of Cranesy’s goes through the roof of the club. Fudgey leathers one at the scorebox which is “still going up”. Matty D hoists one into the carpark and on to the roof of Cranesy’s mini – schoolboy error to park on that side of the car park? Someone else (Fudgey again?) collects the sober and unamused friend of Goldy’s who has parked next to Cranesy. Schoolgirl error… other mighty blows are struck by the usual suspects, Crane, Doddy, Matty etc etc. Even Leggsy gets runs for Hibby’s team. Fudgey’s team fails dismally to assemble a really taxing score in the first innings and trails by approximately 50 runs. A slightly better second innings gives Hibby’s team something to chase and Barrell amongst others gets on with it. They overhaul the total and everyone retires to the bar for some some pre-tour lash. Goldy has been very busy in front and behind the bar it seems. Tour, it is agreed, will be lively.

Hibby and the Eskimos (untrained)

Wickman, in between vaccances (holidays - keep up Gentlemen - detention for those that forget in the test next week) and Club Day (this year doubles synchronised swimming with a spectacular Busby Berkeley style finale) has a Saturday night free. Hibby and the Untrained Eskimos are playing at The Berrylands Hotel.

Mrs Wickman has a "thing" for Hibby following a Wick gig a while back so Wickman is immensely distrustful of Hibby in full gig mode. He has a magnetism that Wick men cannot understand. Like a dog whistle that is pitched so high that only Canis Canis can hear it, Hibby calls out to women-folk and inveigles them in a dirty way that is not right.

If, in fact, the mayor of Kingston were to require the removal of all females from the Kingston area he or she could save himself the cost of the Pied Piper of Hamelin and the distinctly unpleasant aftermath where the Kingston area would be devoid of colts after non payment of bills (what would happen to the Wick if the future futures of the club were piped away to a crack in the hills - or even in these less innocent days a hill of crack?) by simply employing Paul to sing for an evening.

A Chinese takeaway safely stowed and a misdirected taxi later, Wickman could not help but arrive at the Berrylands Hotel until the band's first set was all but over. Stopping to sample a drink or two Wickman was stuck behind a pillar and had to gaugue audience reaction by surreptitious scanning of toes a tapping, fingers a clicking and even ladies a moistening. There were otherwise heterosexual looking gentlemen who were openly capering and cavorting in time with the beat that the untrained Eskimos were very professionally laying down.

A break in proceedings allowed Wickmen all to find a safe berth within eyeline of the band and to sample the second set. Opening with I Predict A Riot (ill-judged - most of the audience were there to appreciate the music, not to kick off) the band showed their intent to get Berrylands' finest to shake bits that normally they would only shake in the privacy of the bedroom.

And they succeeded. Numbers from Elvises Costello and... well... Elvis (what was his surname???), the Monkees (Wickman is a Believer) and The Stones amongst many others struck the perfect chord and there were assembled a veritable feast of shout/singalong rock and roll classics that burned up the time and had even Wickman's club foot tapping and him bellowing along to feel good choruses.

But we only felt good because the untrained Eskimos played with some style and even aplomb. They might, until called to give of their best in instrumental highlights (supporting Hibby in a tour de force rendition of Delilah) and songs like La Bamba where the band were to the fore have been slightly more outgoing but then musicianship seems to be where they lay their hat.

For Wickman though the Hibby thing is a good thing. With Mrs W safely stowed away in parts of Provence where only the Frenchies feel truly comfortable, Wickman felt relaxed enough to enjoy the set without having to see Mrs W's eyes glaze over and her limbs tend inexorably towards the twist. If not watched those ladies could twist and twist and twist and suddenly be gone. One happy Mayor perhaps, but a generation of fathers forced to bring up children alone...

Godalming match report - HWRCC 1st ix turn the corner?

Godlaming Vs Hampton Wick Royals

Hampton Wick won by 71 runs.

Hampton Wick - 195 all out (50.1 overs) Mackie 50* Agge 4/21

Godalming - 124 all out Iley 50 Raza 5/28

As the rest of the country endured conditions akin to the interior of an Otter's pocket, it looked as though many of the nations great weekend events would be severely threatened. Only one seemed safe by virtue of the fact that the 'World Quilt Making Championships' at Sandown Park was no doubt an indoor event.

What a pleasant suprise it was then to arrive at Godalming's hill top fortress to see the clouds circling without looking like they would threaten proceedings.

For anyone who might be unaware, we lost last week against Byfleet, and whilst we have not been playing our best cricket, the general concensus has been that those little moments of fortune required to win a game of cricket have just not quite gone our way. As Richie Benaud said about captaincy, 'it's 1% skill and 99% luck'. It was not a lucky victory as such, but it would be wrong not to recognise the fact that those game breaker moments finally started to go our way. You make your own luck as well in sport, and our determination to play the kind of cricket we know we are capable of started to twinkle.

As they say in cricketing vernacular, 'it was a good toss to lose'. Matty duly lost it and given the way we have chased in recent times there was atmostphere of optimism about it as Godalming asked the Wick to have a bat, on what looked a good track - Hard and fast to keep quickies and spinners interested alike, whilst offering plenty of runs for the stroke makers.

Matty opened up with Hibby as the Wick looked to get off to a flier. With the ball moving around though the run rate was stunted and Hibby was then caught smartly at mid-wicket. This brought Kamran to the wicket who added his assured presence to proceedings, and along with Matty they looked to set the platform for a healthy score. Whilst Kam accumulated, Matty was beligerant on the bad ball.

At 70-1 the boys in the lower order had felt comfortable enough for a game of boundary bowls. Hibby came back from recent defeats at the hand of Barrel, to win on one of the more tricky courses on the league circuit!

Suddenly wickets came like buses as Matty fell to a good catch from Hicks diving forward and AJ fell soon after as he popped one down mid-off's gregory. 76-3 and the rallying call of 'Mingers' was being trumpeted from the Godalming huddle.

When Kam fell LBW to Steel without a another run being added the Wick were nose-diving at 76-4. With both Mingers spinners on and the field tight, nurdling and a re-group were required. Who better for the task in hand than the phlegmatic Mark Mackie, and the experienced Ben Stephens.

Whilst Ben spread the field with what is best descrided as a 'wallop' down the ground off his second ball, Mackie was content to rotate the strike. When Ben fell for a cavalier 24, Barrel came in, but the rhythm Ben and Mackie had started continued in earnest.

All batsman have experienced a rough trot, and sometimes all you need to get you going again is a slice of luck. Barrel has been on a trot as muddy as the Hillsborough football ground recently, so when Godalming let him off twice, whilst on 0 and 3, another corner in our fortunes was turned. Mackie and Barrel decided it was time to add some gas and were particularly brutal on spinner Steel, launching him for three sixes over the leg side boundary.

Mackies parterships with Stephens and Barrel Bishop added 80 to the total, and by the time Barrel fell for 21 off 19 balls, the wick were in search of 200, a declaration and 50 for Mackie. Coley,Joey, Garf and Whinney just about saw Mackie through to a superbly paced 50, and although not making the 200 mark, all believed 194 was enough to bowl at given our bowlers and the pace of the track.

As we were fielding second I didn't eat much tea but will give it a 6/10, simply for the scones with Jam which gave it a traditional feel.

And so to the Godalming reply. Joey opened up and despite struggling with injury looked as though he would hurry most batsman for pace down the hill with the wind behind him. At the other end Shaun found immediate success having Milner the Godalming skipper caught at second slip by Barrel, with a peach of a ball, that forced the batsman to play, before finding extra bounce and away movement to kiss the outside edge and snuggle sweetly in Barrels welcoming bosom.

A strange period of cricket followed as the Wick bowlers struggled with their lines but weren't duly punished for it. Iley picked up boundaries using Joey's pace to force it through the point and gully regions, whilst Hicks looked to get to grips with the pace of the pitch. Both openers lost their radar however, giving Garf value for his patch fee behind the stumps.

Barrel replaced Shaun and mixed it up. Godalming saw their chance to attack, and looked to hit him through the V. Having not quite found his length Hicks decided Barrel had to go. He chose the wrong ball though as Barrel finally found the perfect spot and the ball swung through the inviting gate to clean bowl the Godlaming number 3.

The danger man Agge entered the fray and was not so kind. His first two deliveries whistled to the boundary. Then came one of those moments that you look back on at the end of a successful season and ear mark as the turning point in your fortunes. Agge thrashed it to mid-on where Shaun Whinney plucked it off the top of the grass blades to put Agge back in the hutch. 55/3 and the Wick were on top.

Iley and number 5 Brown then began to take the game to the Wick. With impressive timing and placement they started to force the field back, both taking full advantage of the over pitched ball.

I would like to say a little thank you at this point to whom ever phoned Kamran at 3:30 that morning. It reminded me of what happened at Frimley last year when someone mugged Webbo the night before a game. Kam was angry.... very angry...

With Godalming flying Kamran tore the guts out of the Godalming innings, with a lion hearted bowling performance. Getting rid of Iley who tickled one behind having got to his 50 got the ball rolling.

Cue the next decisive moment in the game. Drinks and a spot of rain, just to liven up the track. With both sides still eyeing a victory there was never any contemplation of coming off.

Coley and Ben Stephens conspired to remove keeper Clarke as the ball spat up off a shortish length and was superbly held by Ben diving forwards, like a prisoner diving for the soap to avoid bending over.

Brown realised that if they were going to get the total it was up to him and he looked to shepherd the tail and play his shots. He could only stand and stare though as Kam removed numbers 7 & 8 without adding to the total, then look on as Kam charged down the pitch roaring his delight.

Matty saw his opportunity for the kill and brought back Joey whose radar was back to normal. Number 9 feathered him behind without a fight, and Brown succumbed to a fantastic catch from Coley off Kam. Kam then finished the job and Godalming had been shot out for 124 despite looking favourites for the win shortly before the drinks break.

Catches win matches, and the Wick dropped nothing all day, and despite some fluent stroke play from the Godlaming top order stuck to their task, and when an opening appeared were ruthless. This is the kind of cricket we know we can play. Hopefully this will kick start our season.

MOM - shared between Kam and Mackie, and the guy who phoned Kam at 3:30. Turning point - Shaun's catch to remove Agge (the number 4). Champagne mament - Coley's catch!

Sunday xi vs Teddington Town - by Goldy

Sunday XI vs Teddington Town XI - Bushy Parky League - 3rd June 2007.

Teddington Town 103 all out

HWRCC 104-2

HWRCC won by 8 Wickets

MOM - Sissen

Goulborn *, Mackie, Garf, Copeland H +, Iqbal, Cameron, Bishop, Vader, Austin, Hibberd, Sissen

Unfortunately for the batsmen in the team, the dream of amassing a huge total on Sunday was shattered when yours truly lost the toss and was asked to field. With a previous best team total of 346 off forty overs against Teddington Town, you can understand their greediness. That said, fielding first gave the youthful members in the team a good chance to showcase their talents and further prove the Wick has a bright future. Junaid Iqbal, a 13 year old fast/medium bowler made yet another senior appearance and bowled tight lines, rarely giving away easy runs. He was rewarded for his efforts bowling the opening batsmen who had carried his bat through 30 odd overs, middle stump.

The other opening bowler Tom Austin (still at school, but now almost a Sunday veteran) showed what the Wick has been missing this season with some genuinely quick, lively bowling. “Harmy” picked up two wickets for his troubles. Note to 2s Captain Fudge, as soon as his exams are over, Harmys in, FACT! The other wickets were shared around between Vader (3) who bowled some delicious off spin that was reminiscent of Del Boys spell in the emphatic twos win the day before, Myself (pies) and Jimmy C bowling tight and as usual, aggressive. Harry Copleland (who in the morning won the game for the Wick u13s with a fantastic 30 odd not out) kept well behind the stumps. The keeper, aged twelve showed exceptional talent and it wont be too long before the young lad starts featuring prominently it the adult set up. I asked Garf to give him some advice, and he told me he was too good for advice from him, now that is praise!

So Teddington Town set us a measly 103 to chase down. With a batting order that consisted of big hitters such as Mackie, Barrel, Hibby, Sisso and Copeland, this target was never really going to trouble us. With this in mind the order was shuffled around a bit and early on we did our best to make it difficult for ourselves. Barrel went second ball when Vader raised the finger for a ‘dubious’ LBW decision (don’t worry vader, we ve all made them!eh del!?) and Hibby went shortly after playing an equally dubious shot to their decent left armer, having played some decent shots off the leg spinner. Bobby and Garf settled things down and eventually saw us home. Bobby proved he still had what it takes when he hit a HUGE six into the club house – definitely the highlight of the innings. Garf set about his innings in a professional manner playing technically sound and very straight, hitting some lovely four down the ground.

Wick win. Job done.

MOM – Sisso

Dick of the day – Jimmy C for shouting at an oppo fielder when he was about to take a catch. Then when seeing we were all cringing on the sidelines asking “isn’t that what you do?” bloody Aussies!

WICK!

Here's a gratuitous picture of AJ with more hair.

Quiz Night

If you didn't make it to quiz night a week or so ago you missed a cracking evening. Del, Fudgey, Mackie and Tommy D combined with their better halfs to take the spoils. Hibby - pictured here in an outrageous waistcoat - played to Del's strong point with a round on cockernee rhyming slang although quite where he got some of his definitions from is open to some conjecture.

Goldy is pictured here trying to drag his team back into the contest with a valiant apple bobbing attempt and assembled Wick members and guests are pictured in the "Wickton Factor" round wearing as much cricket gear as they could find in 5 minutes. A cracking evening.

Many thanks to Dom, Tun-Up, Northern Nick D, Hibby and Clarky for organising and cooking. Look out for the next social at the end of June.

Duck Tax Update

The Sherriff of Wickingham reports that Duck Tax - after a slow start - is catching on.

Recent victims of the regime include Cranesy, Doddy, Hibby, Coley and Mackie. With a quarter of the season gone, the tax has yielded £22.50. That's not even enough for a pair of dodgy pads Lingfield stylee yet, but funds are building...

Wickman, of course, wishes all the club's bats the best of luck for the rest of the season...

1s Match Report from our drowned rat specialist, Gareth

Olinda Vandals Vs Hampton Wick.

Game abandoned as OV dissolve in the rain. 4 points to The Wick.

A lady in the autumn of her life went to visit her local GP and family friend, in Todmorden, West Yorkshire. She knew she was ill but what came next was a surprise. When she asked, 'So what chance have I got', she received one of the greatest understatements ever. 'It doesn't look too good I'm afraid', replied Dr. H. Shipman.

To say that Olinda Vandals CC weren’t interested in result cricket on Saturday would be a similar understatement. Their running for the bar at the merest hint of precipitation was supplemented by an argumentative streak which said much about team spirit. Let us move on. Half a game of cricket was played and readers of this blog will be keen to know how Wick players got on.

Having learnt that tails does fail it was no surprise to find ourselves batting. In his last game for the Wick before he departs for Bangladesh Dan Lee battled out the new ball with Partner Sam MacCarther. Both were willing to wear balls and graft on a pitch that probably hadn't seen any light for a fortnight. Both showed their class when the balls were in the right areas though and saw off the new ball to give the platform for the middle order to push on. Bishop, Davies, Razzi, Hibberd, Marfleet and Cole then capitalised on their hard work to get us up to 197 of 47. Competitive on a sporting pitch with plenty of overs with which to bowl out the oppo.

Sadly OV showed no interest, on balance preferring to wait out the 4 points on offer for an abandonment where a few batting points and 2 for a winning draw to go with their bowling efforts might have been more useful at the end of the season.

When they eventually dragged themselves out to play they actually looked set for the winning draw. With the overs reduced to 35 they got themselves to 55 for 3 off 12 overs before calling it a day far too early. They had biffed, clouted and edged themselves far ahead of the run rate but showed no interest in staying out there. Eventually Matty was forced to concede the abandonment, and trudge miserably back to the Wick.

Finally from everyone at the club, good luck to Dan Lee in Bangladesh. He's only been with us a short time but we are hopeful that if/when he returns to Blighty he will come and show us a few more of those outrageous dance moves again.

Here's a picture of some rain. More than fell during the 1s game...

Wickalike

Villain from children's TV... arch inventor of games Paul Hibberd. You decide...

Matty's Sunday Report

May 20th, home ss Neapotists The Sunday team suffered its first defeat of the season, losing by 40 runs to a decent Nepotists xi. Having to chase 217 off 40 overs on a difficult track proved just beyond the young and inexperienced side who despite some impressive performances and some aggressive strokeplaying, were always playing catch up, and the result was a fair one. Skipper Davies was left with the invidious task of having to find 3 players at midday on the Sunday. He was buoyed by Copeland the greater who managed to find me Sam and Steve - two colts coaches, and a young 12-year old James Madoc-Jones - fresh from a red-inked 50 runs in the morning. Davies was confident, as always. The toss was a formality. We were going to field first whaever happened. I insisted. Young Iqbal, perhaps the keenest cricketer since Matt Goldbrush was a colt, opened up with Master Hibberd, who looked and smelt distinctly worse for wear following antics that shall remain guarded in secrecy the previous evening (being generous there in more ways than one). Nepotists took the attack to us and moved serenely along at 4s, the opener employing a strong bottom hand and using his feet to good effect. Davies followed Iqbal and bowled some tight lines mixed in with some lovely half trackers which were dispatched with aplomb. Steve followed Hibberd and bowled a similar mix. Copeland the greater came on with Marfleet and the spin twins slowed the rate, picking up a few crucial wickets. A Davies double then accounted for the middle order before their best player (clearly a bowling all rounnder of 1xi standard came to the wicket and played like a true batsman, driving through the off side with aplomb and ease. Copeland the younger was again excellent behind the sticks and the fielding was aggressive, especially from Young James Madock-Jones who despite his 4ft frame flew himself about like a salmon, and also has an impressive arm. In response some tight lines restricted the openers run-wise, before the pressure told on Sam who unfortunately ran out Lloyd. Such is cricket. Hibberd came to the crease but didnt last as the aforementioned antics appeared to have taken their toll. Sam then fell, dricing to cover leaving Davies and young Joe Hirsch to start clocking up some runs with the score at 28-3. Young Hirsch looked confident and played some lovely drives through the off side before falling to tight lines. James Madock-Jones played a similar innings, keen to hit the ball as oppsed to prod to meekly, he also timed the ball beautifully a number of times, finding gaps and enjoying himself. It soon became apparent however that the total was going to be too much and when Davies was joined by Marfleet that there were two games of cricket here. What should be done, and was was going to be done. Boundaries were the more appealing prospect, and a number of lofted striaght hits threatened to make the target achieveable, but when the aforementioned decent bat came on, who happened to be a decent medium fast bowler, it was clear that Neapotists were going to win. Copeland the lesser looked excellent against the quicky, despite his frequent conversations with me that he was sh*tting himself. Davies didnt care and employed the unleash on numerous occasions, keen to score boundaries rather than run 2s. The wick ended up on 180-odd, with Davies scoring 79. MOM goes to The Copelands, firstly for helping me out in an hour of need, and secondly for Harry's excellent keeping (Matrix) and brave batting in the face of 1XI sharp bowling - and a plethora of aussie chirp thrown in for good measure. Well played Neapotists, deserving winners.

2s Match Report - vs Ewhurst

Ewhurst 2xi vs HWRCC 2xi

Fudge*, Clark +, Hibberd, Mackie, Lown, Crane, Taylorson, Hill, Donnelly, Soppitt, High

Ewhurst 76 All out John Hill 3-11 Dominic Lown 2-23 HWRCC 80-2 Mackie 31*

There was a point at approximately 11.30am on Saturday when Clarky was considering suicide. Having spent the morning ironing his jockstrap, refolding his socks and polishing the studs on his boots, the news that Ewhurst wanted to call the game off two hours before the scheduled start time was too much to bear.

The league rule book was consulted and the decision taken that we should at least turn up, have a look for ourselves and decide whether it was worth hanging around until the latest possible start time to see if we could get a game in.

A convoy was assembled. Cranesy, chav naved up, headed us off down the A3 via some gnarly traffic jams in Kingston. Go via Hampton Court next time Cranesy or... Anyway it then absolutely hosed down. There were ducks which took one look at the rain and decided they were better off indoors watching Grandstand. We reached Ewhurst, having undertaken what felt like a stage of the RAC Rally only to be surprised by an outfield which was playable and a square which, with a bit of luck, a strong cross breeze and no more rain, would be definitely playable by 2.30.

Spirits were raised. Playing at Ewhurst is a rare pleasure in the Fuller’s League. A village ground, complete with duck pond, cottages and houses bordering the boundary and a sleepy B road along which at one point a horse and trap made stately progress, is almost as attractive a proposition as our own Wick. Plus the refresments, with ham prepared by a local butcher only a day or so earlier, were of a standard which will be difficult to find again this year. The tea was strong enough to suit even those that like it the colour of Scooby Doo. 8/10.

To the cricket. The wicket had dried sufficiently by the start time to be reasonably one paced from the off. Tommy D and Dommy L opened up and grew into impressive rhythm. Their skipper, Greenaway, decided to hit the ball hard and straight and anything pitched up, went. The opening partnership had them rattling along at 5. Not the bright start to the season anticipated by seasoned Wickmen. However he was sawn off when Dom brought one back. There was, according to some observers, a hint of bat and it was evident that the decision was not well thought of. However, Tommy D removed the No 3 in the same fashion with a rapid Yorker which was much less debateable.

The other opener, Arrowsmith, was circumspect and only essayed attacking shots when the ball was pitched up or sufficiently wide of off stump for him to be certain it wasn’t coming back. This was the right approach in the circumstances and despite a slice of fortune when he was put down at point, he largely mastered the conditions to assemble Ewhurst’s top score of 27. Tommy D was replaced by John Hill for his first bowl for many months. However as the runs were drying up the pressure got to No 4 who skied an attempted pull back to Hill. John went on to take 3 wickets, bowling two more bats to enjoy a thoroughly satisfactory comeback game finishing with 7-3-11-3.

At the other end Dommy was turning in an excellent performance. As his line improved, so it became more and more difficult to get him away. Eventually slightly more lift saw No 5 shovel one up in the air in the direction of short leg, a sprightly Clark alert enough to make the ground to pouch the catch with little fuss but perhaps over-exuberant celebration. Dom finished with excellent figures of 12-3-23-2 easily picking up MOM.

Hibby eventually replaced Dom to allow him to recover from his exertions. An amount of loud chat ensued designed to convince the batsman that he was a spinner. Three fireballs later and the poor lad was back in the hutch, bowled, much bemused and muttering “I thought he was a spinner”. With little batting left, Arrowsmith sought to get after the bowling and took a number of strides down the wicket to attempt to smite, like an ancient warrior, the opposition into the wilderness. No smiting resulted though as he failed to connect. Clark gathered and removed the bails.

This brought to the wicket a cricketer so diminutive that he was batting with a size 4 bat and the stumps dwarfed him. Hibby tossed his last ball up and it was stoutly and robustly defended. John was unable to remove the No 9 at the other end so it was clear that to remove this junior Trevor Bailey, guile would needs be employed. Del was brought on, flighted a couple of beauties, and following some confusion and Matrix skills, Clark was able to stump a second victim. Ewhurst all out for 76 from approximately 40-2.

The performance in the field, perfectly marshalled by skipper Fudge, was, if not top drawer then certainly the next drawer down. Three catches were grassed – one a running effort that went to ground the second at the wicket off an under edge and the third by Cranesy leaping like a plate of smoked salmon to spill one over his shoulder. None was straightforward. Clark stood up for all but the opening balls from each bowler adding additional pressure and forcing the bats to remain rooted to the spot. He amused all by falling over in collecting a throw and demolishing the stumps to such an extent that they weren’t straight again in the game. Keanu Reeves eat your heart out.

Our reply was brisk and business like, the target achieved in 12.1 overs. Three sixes were hit, the best a pick up over the pavilion by Mackie that was effortless. Hibby and Cranesy perished “getting on with it” leaving Mackie to make the only sizeable score for the Wick – useful red ink improving his lifetime average a percentage point or two. High remained not out, one giant six over long off his major contribution. Clark was left padded up with nowhere to go for the second year running at Ewhurst. Ian T achieved an unfortunate TFC, Ewhurst running out of batting just before he was employed.

All in all a very positive start for the 2s under Fudgey this year. Job done, 20 points and back to the Wick to find the 1s had applied the coup de grace to their oppo to cement a Wickwash on the first weekend of the season. Some more time with the willow would perhaps have been of benefit, but, frankly, 20 points are 20 points.

2s vs Old Emms - or how AJ stitched us up

HWRCC 2xi vs Old Emmanual 1xi (enough said).

OE 256-4 (40 overs) No 4 100*

HWRCC 140ish – 8 (40 overs) Hibberd 33

HWRCC: A Moore, P Hibberd, D Fudge, N Clark +, C High, B Daly, D Soppitt, J Cameron, T Donnelly, D Lown, M Noor

The most important call on Saturday for the 2s was not that made at the toss by the opposition captain but the one made by Alexander George Edward Jackson when booking the fixture. Your correspondent imagines it thus:

OE Fixtures Sec Telephone: Ring ring, ringety-ring (repeat x 4) AGEJ: Lazy sold answer the phone, answer the phone OEFS: Hello, you are through to John Doe Plastics, how can I help you? AGEJ: You the fixtures sec for OEs then buddy? OEFS: Er, ah ha, yes, at work you know, got to pretend. AGEJ: Yeah me too, my boss doesn’t mind though he plays down at the club. OEFS: Lucky. Talk much cricket in the office does he? AGEJ: Yeah mate, but he’s got a rubbish imaginary square cut. ATS. FACT. Right, let’s do some business. OEFS: What have you got mate? AGEJ: Cheeky pre-season date. Looking at the 28th April. OEFS: Good stuff – I can give you our 1s. 2nd Div, Surrey Champ, job done. AGEJ: *hesitates for a microsecond before imagining his fixtures card full up* Yeah we’ll have some of that our ahem 1s will be up for that, don’t you worry, they got promoted last year and everything. OEFS: Cheers old chum. Do you play 1s then? AGEJ: Erm yes, but I will be visiting my dear old Granny that day so I won’t see you. OEFS: Toodle pip then. AGEJ: All the best phone put down hee hee hee no one will know…

And Mr Jackson was right. We didn’t know. Right up until we’d bowled about 6 overs at them and realised that both of their openers were capable of absolutely timing the leather off the ball and could look largely unconcerned when faced with some banana-like swing and raw pace from Muzzybilly and some impressively gun-barrel straight stuff from Tommy D.

The message came through loud and clear when, having finally taken a couple of wickets (Muzzy uprooting one’s leg stump with a bigggggg in-ducker and Thatsamooray taking a blinder at ankle height in the gully off Tommy D), we got to look at numbers 3 and 4. We spent some time looking at both as they went about their business. No 4 eventually assembled a fine-looking century in fact, giving only a quarter chance early on when he edged a full toss hard and fast to second slip. You might call it a half chance at test level, but to pluck this would have installed the unfortunate recipient in Wick folklore. That was not to be.

A couple of other things became apparent.

Fielding on this outfield is going to require some guts and bravery until it can be mown and it recovers from winter use as grazing for sundry deer and football prac. Right now it’s hard work. Clarky, forced into a number of last gasp leg side Peter-The-Cat- Bonnetti-type interceptions early on was much chagrined by a number of balls that pea-rolled after pitching for a second time and made him look much older and less adept than usual. Others watched the ball zig-zag past them. Still others watched it hop over their hands or fail to take an expected bounce. For a while we were truly pummelled as the ball disappeared time after time. My advice? Long barriers and to note that the 2s are now playing away from home (in the cricketing sense) until May 19th.

This particular strip has lost some oomph over the winter. The ball tends to keep low when delivered from the Kingston end. A number of our bats were to be undone failing to get forward later on and it was difficult to get the ball away all day.

Dominic Lown was to profit from the bounce to get rid of their very handy looking number 3. A right hander who looked to have the class of an overseas player, had looked very accomplished and played some beautiful straight drives before chasing a wide one that kept low, and feathering it into Clark’s gloves. At the other end the No 4, left-handed Jaapie, continued to put the ball in all the right places.

Derek Del-Boy Soppitt was perhaps the only bowler to come close to containing him and used flight and guile to keep him subdued and delay his century until the 40th over. In the meantime Del tempted the No 5 to hoist him to a nonchalant Hibberd at long on (one of those classic Hibberd will he bother to catch it ah yes he’s got it specials). Clark told the No 4 as the ball hung for ever in the sky “that’s out that is” and it was.

Jimmy C and Tommy D bowled the death overs, Jimmy bowling No 6 with a shooter that wouldn’t have looked out of place in the hands of John Wayne and between times Fudge and Hibberd turned their arms over, but in the face of withering batting from No 4.

And so to tea. Fruit salad in evidence. Egg sandwiches as per. A good sense of vinegar in the tuna numbers. Encouraging start to the season etc etc as this is a friendly, no points will be awarded.

Our reply began at 4 an over and it looked as if OEs had not brought with them their usual opening attack. And frankly, given that they are a number of divisions above us, we were playing some of their 1s it’s probably a good job too. Hibberd continued to display good early season form, racing to 33 with one or two finely timed shots while Mooray looked less comfortable in his first trot of the season.

The ball, unchanged from the first innings, began to lose whatever shine it had and the phrase “that one kept low” was much in evidence. Hibberd and Moore both perished bowled by their No 3 in quick succession, who, it transpired, bowled leg spin in the style of Anil Kumble (ie much skid and just a hint of turn). This introduced Fudge and Clark to the wicket with 7 an over needed from 30.

Now I am not saying that 7 an over was an impossibility against this attack but it seemed an unlikely mountain to climb. Not Everest, or K2 even, more, perhaps, a Killimanjaro. Something that, with things in your favour, and some preparation, you could walk to the top of without too much bother. However, the pitch was not in our favour. I thought the opposition were calling it a cabbage patch at one point, but deduced that they were referring to a rather round faced young man who resembled the dolls of the same name. At least I think I have got that right. Accurate seam-up from the Kingston end did, eventually, for Fudge attempting to guide one too many to the midwicket fence, Tommy D feeling unable to deny the bowler given that the skipper hadn’t got forward. Clark was finding it difficult to locate the middle of the bat and was scraping 1s and 2s together in place of a decent innings.

Charles High esq visited the wicket briefly and took up where he left off last year, hitting the ball as hard as he could, quickly racing to double figures, often with assistance from the fielding side. Perhaps together High and Clark could have made more of a game of it as Clark found his feet in the middle but another failure to get forward at the Mill Wood end did for High (LBW to Mooray) and Clark, having located the boundary from some “we’d like to keep you interested so we’re going to toss some up” bowling perished at mid on for 25. Not before, mind you, setting himself to play a back foot pull shot (anticipating something about knee high) and having to play a hockey-style slap to keep a pea-roller out.

Some circumspect batting from Ben Daly and Jimmy C (work in the front room of his Clapham flat has ensured a more correct style than that evidenced over the winter) ensured we did not capitulate tamely and Del and Tommy D, in contrasting styles, brought the total to some respectability. Jimmy and Muzzy lasted out the final few overs of “right you have a go” bowling and handshakes were exchanged.

Some lessons were learned. Until the outfield clears up, bravery may just determine who wins games. Captains will choose which bowlers to use at which end to take account of the bounce. And we must all play much straighter and on the front foot for the moment. Despite a sound thumping in this encounter, spirit remained constant and it’s interesting to note that despite some dodgy ground fielding, what chances came our way were accepted.

With the xbats playing at home on Saturday, work being done on the benches and elsewhere, with a social in the evening (I can report that the London Pride was at a good temperature – I kept going back to check all night) and non-playing members in evidence it was an encouraging start to the season. Now it only remains to make sure that AGE Jackson esq hasn’t stitched up any more sides. The relative safety of league fixtures aside, look out anyone playing Wednesday, Sunday or 3s…