Third Wickwash Takes All Three Teams to the Top

Sunday mornings are often hard work. With grey skies above the Wick and vague recollections of an early morning deluge this Sunday morning should be no different from any other. Except that it is. Mid afternoon yesterday after a demolition of Merrow 2xi in the league that was so comprehensive that when first Sisso, then Andy, then Julian and then Jelly arrived at the Wick to watch a bit of cricket all they found was the 2s ensconced on the balcony hard at a succession of jugs a few of the team discussed how it felt to be the only team at the club that wasn’t in the promotion positions. This morning Play Cricket tells us that we ARE in the promotion places – second place to Chobham by a point. Happy Days. 1s and 3s first in their leagues, 2s second by a single point. Wick. Played 9, Won 8, Drawn 1. Three weekends into the season, two Wickwashes. Now that IS Wick!

Wednesday xi vs BBC - by Matty

Wait all week for a report, then two come along... here's the perfect opportunity to see how Wick captains, old and young, view the same game!

Wednesday match report v BBC Sport

The BBC Sport CC massive rolled The Wick way last Wednesday to contribute to what was a very fine game of cricket enjoyed by all. The Bushy Park Massive was out in its resplendent glory and the Star upon which our home planet orbits was as bright and hot as it has ever been.

A 40 over game, Sisso promptly called correctly and decided to bat bat bat. A wise choice as he and Amore tucked in to some decent but ultimately harmless bowling. The fielding whilst enthusiastic was hindered by Monty Panesaritis as despite what the name sheet may suggest, the athletic prowess of a number of fielders fell short of the qualifying standard. Amore’s departure was followed closely by the returning McCarthy, who promptly dollied a slow full toss straight back at the bowler. He commented post game that he knew exactly what he wanted to do, it's just his body wasn’t up to the challenge and followed behind thus turning an off drive into an on-swipe. Experience.

Adamson scored a few before the Wednesday specialist Mr Crane joined and brought some hockey prowess to proceedings. He slugged a very powerful 37. Sisso had in the meantime tired somewhat following a typically uncompromising attacking start. He scored just shy of 50.

The Saturday 1s pair of Mackie and Davies were then at the crease, inevitably receiving the sledge from the opposition. Davies decided he was here for a good time, but not necessarily a long time. Having cleared the long on boundary, he then middled another vertically. In contrast Mackie showed all how it should be done. He hudged,(he what? Ed) hussled and at times mowed his way to a classy 50*, ably assisted by Dutchy (playing at Old Paulines… SPIT!), leaving a total of 217-6 from 40 overs.

DBW teas. Well all I will say is I filled my boots.

Sisso had commented on the similarity between this and the 2006 fixture, with the Wick being confident having scored over 200, only to be pegged back by a decent couple of BBC bats, and then once the tail began the game was over, and BBC Sport collapsed to c160. The story was similar this time.

The opening pair were decent. Whinny bowled erratically and they took advantage, whilst Joey’s express pace meant gully and behind square were favourite areas. The score was progressing nicely, before MC and Davies came on to slow things down. Davies started the rot with a lovely Yorker, before MC bowled a beautiful lollipop, which bamboozled the bat and bowling him through the gate. Credit to Joey for some typical sledging as well.

Mackie then had a go and found swing where others had failed, picking up 3 wickets in 4 overs, including a pearler to dismiss the #4 who had some classy shots. Crane also found some decent areas, being rewarded with 2 wickets of his own. Whinny returned towards the end to mop up the tail, and coupled with some run outs, left Joey as the only wicketless bowler, although it's fair to say he bowled with somewhat ‘attacking’ fields.

MOM – Mackie. Excellent innings and 3 wickets.
Prat of match – I would say McCarthey, but he fielded excellently at gully, so I’ll give it to Joey, despite his bowling and diving catch. Harsh but fair.

Wednesday xi vs BBC - by Bobby

It was a beautiful day and the toss was won. It took all of half a millisecond to decide on batting first. I hardly even considered that was a 40 over game and we needed five bowlers...

The old partnership of Sisso and Mooray was reunited and runs flowed... amazingly a number of threes were run and several boundaries struck and 50 was posted in even time. There weren't that many singles funnily enough! It wasn't until the oppo took pace off the ball that Mooray was undone by sweeping to square leg for 28.

McCarthy strode to the wicket and unfortunately struck a full toss back to the same pace-off bowler before he had settled. Adam Crane however was the answer as he bludgeoned Mr Lack of Pace for several brutal fours... much to the skippers relief I might say as was very tired by then on hot day. Drinks were taken after 20 at 97 - 2, so Wick in very fine position. Somebody helpfully put 44 on board for myself, so obviously went down the track first ball after drinks break to get to 50 quickly... 97 - 3! Oops.

Things then didn't go according to plan as Cransey hit to square leg when in twenties, Adamson was stumped after hitting three boundaries and Matty Davies struck a nice three and six and then hit one up in the air... 140 - 6 now of some concern with last week's pratt of the match and Dutchy Holland in residence!

Luckily we had got down to the boys who can run, so all of a sudden the Wick started taking a run a ball, which was simply something none of the experienced players even considered! I am not sure if Cransey is experienced, but he certainly doesn't run!!! Obviously old before his time, or rather he smites it miles instead!!! There were a few run out scares, but Mackie managed a fine 50* abley supported by Mark Holland, who surprised us all in comeback game after four years by still not being able to time the ball... 28* or so though... not bad for a t*sser from Old Paulines..."up the Wick".

218 for BBC to win..

Joe Ewen and Shaun Whinney opened up for the Wick, but despite Joey particularly generating good pace and bounce no breakthrough came. Aware that under trades description act there were only three bowlers in the team a decision was taken to get the spinner on (Collier) and one of the batsmen (so called)... Matty D was the choice. I will dedicate a chapter later to the glove that one of the openers which Dutchy decided to throw "downwards" rather than "upwards" in course of celebration of catch (or not!) Maybe thats how they do it at Old Paulines? Collier settled into a good line and Matty D same... in fact it was Matty D who earned us the breakthrough when opener hit across a straight one. Collier then did for the number three (Sunil), who was beaten by one that was held back... well sledged Joey!!! The other opener however who had also got 50 in previous game still looked good.

After 20 overs BBC still in the game, although at 78 - 2 were 19 behind where Wick were at same stage. It was however time for decisions... should I try and get a wicket by bringing Joey back or should I shuffle the pack and get the batsmen on? I opted for plan B and Cransey was called for... Matty D was tired after 6 overs... then it was last week's POM and this week's jug batsman (Mackie). It looked a good call when Cransey snaffled the nuber four, but then five and one (sounds like a forecast at Wimbledon dogs) tucked, firstly into Collier's last over, had a bit of Crane's and a lot of Mackie... oh dear.

To the cry of "Get in" however Mackie bowled the freeflowing five with a beautiful inswinging yorker more reminiscent of Ryan Sidebottom, Zaheer Khan or R Singh... well done we all said. He then followed up with a beaut that butterfingers Holland snaffled to whip the bails off for stumping and then the "coup de grace" when he repeated ball that got rid of five to nail the very good opener... Zaheer Mackie!!! It was all over and after 32 overs Whinney and Ewen were recalled to finish the job. Saffer Whinney obliged by bowling two of the oppo and then Joe cranked up his pace after we all kindly reminded him that he was the only wicketless bowler. Graham Adamson almost pulled off the catch of the season off Joey, Shaun from PE dropped a skier off Joey... bit of a trend here for our tall wicketless bowler... that will teach him for not bowling at the timber I say!!!!

The last piece of fun was the oppo number 10, who was delighted that we were all winding Joey up as his life insurance wasn't up to date! Never mind, he ran himself out before Joey could finish him off! All out 170ish, Wick win and in bar on time.

Special mention to fantastic fielding by Joey, Matty D, Graham Adamson, Mackie, Tom Mccarthy and the usual crap fielding from the skipper... no change there then!

Man of Match: Mark Mackie
Pratt of Match: Marc Holland. He knows why!!! Welcome back to the Wick Dutchy!

Drunk of the day: Matt Davies. It would have been me, but he refused to drink with me any more as found some bird with name beginning with H better company!!! I had to go home and drink red wine on my own... boo hoo. Thank goodness Mr Culham is back for the next game, which is Stock Exchange.

Spectator of day: AJ (12th man) as not old enough to get into Wick wednesday top order!!!!

HWRCC 2xi vs Merrow

Merrow 114-3 39 overs Rain 115-0 Sayce, Moore, Ewen, Crane, Wright, High, Clark*+, Goodwin, Noor, Hill, Lown

Rain wins by 10 wickets

Depressingly a game that was shaping up to its billing as a top of the table clash of the Titans was washed out at 4.30ish.

Merrow were inserted by the stand in skipper and HWRCC had largely pegged the opposition back with only Mead and an obdurate South African opener making much sense of the bowling before the rains came. Tight spells from Ted, Billy, Hilly and Lownsy (who bowled 11 off the reel) had made it difficult for all concerned. Merrow’s strategy – to sit in and see what they could get from 52 overs -looked like setting us a target in excess of 160 which might have been testing on a drying wicket.

However when the rain came it came in real torrents. So dark did it become that the trees in the park were no longer visible and within ten minutes there was so much standing water on the square (and in the hollows between the club house and square) that it did not take a genius (not that we had any) to see that the game had gone. At 6.20 when the optimists might have been prepared to have had 20 overs to chase the 114 at an unlikely 5.7 an over on something that would have been largely unplayable and with an outfield that would not have rewarded shots along the floor, the strip was still wetter than an Octopus’ front room.

So that was that. On balance 4 points suited neither side as Merrow failed to close the gap and The Wick failed to widen theirs to second and third place. Those who were picked for their batting spent one of those short afternoons in the field that leave one feeling slightly cheated, feeling slightly cheated. Like Cranesy for instance who took a blinding catch at short leg only to see the obdurate Jaapie stand his ground and the umpire (who had earlier thought that Tid was a new bowler mid spell so little attention was he paying) fail to spot the massive inside edge onto pad.

Next week we play Merstham at their place. The weather looks relatively calm at that end of the week so it will be time for The Wick to get back to winning ways if cricket is played. Our strong start to the season meant that we could afford to concede points to the weather this week and it doesn’t look as if any team will be closer than 18 points behind us going into game 8 of 16.

Wickman's Old Suttonians 2s Match Report

HWRCC 2xi vs Old Suttonians

HWRCC 181-9 (42.4 overs) Doc Greenwood 48

Old Sluts 78-10 (35.4 overs) Shaun Whinney 5-24

HWRCC won by 103 runs - League table

Moore, Sayce, Ewen, Crane, Lofting, Clark*+, Whinney, Noor, Greenwood, Hill, Lown

HWRCC beat conditions

A risky gamble paid off on Saturday as Doc Greenwood recorded his highest league score to dig stand in skipper Clarky out of a hole that was deepening by the minute. Choosing to bat on a soaking pitch to make the most of later bowling conditions, the Wick collapsed to 25-4 before partnerships between MS (26) and Clarky (23) and Shaun (17) and Doc (48) built a more than adequate total on a strip that became harder to bat on as the day wore on.

A deluge that was almost biblical in proportion arrived at 1.15pm, just as Clarky was looking out the opposition skipper, Wrankmore, to do some coin agitation. The toss was delayed while the rain came down and drenched everything. Clark decided that on balance – given the strength of the bowling attack – that he would prefer the Wick to bowl with a dry ball and the only way to have any chance of that was to bat first. It was also the only way that the game was going to get started if the home side took the obviously damp conditions on.

On winning the toss then, much to the opposition’s surprise, HWRCC batted. The decision began to look foolish as Moore edged behind to swell Duck Tax coffers, Sayce top edged a pull and was caught at fine leg and an uncharacteristically cautious Cranesy lobbed one to mid off, stopping his shot for the first time in living memory. When Ewen, who displayed much grit, was brilliantly caught at point / gully, the opposition could rightfully claim to be on top.

However – and perhaps Wickman will cause a heated debate – none of the wickets to fall thus far could be attributed to the state of the pitch. Granted it was not comfortable batting out there, but it was to be a whole lot worse for the opposition as the pitch dried and began to cut up rough like Staffordshire-Bull-Terrier-owning-hoodies in a North London housing estate. Lofting and Clark, while never well set, took advantage of some average bowling, both driving with some style once they had become used to the pace. Clark pulled one young tyro for a large six. Lofting smashed the ball back over another’s head repeatedly. And then a mini-disaster.

Lofting, turning for a second like a dog chasing its tail, pulled his hammy. Some comedy ensued as a bit of yes, no, yes, no “running” occurred in the middle of the pitch, but eventually everyone got home and the damage could be inspected. It was not good. MS retired to find some ice. Shaun joined Clarky and for a few overs they proceeded sedately to put up a decent score before Clark was totally undone by one that came back further than Hugh Grant did from career obscurity after he paid for a quick helmet shine in LA. At this point we were shy of a decent total with our batting either dead or wounded. Billy didn’t last long, spooning one back to the bowler, and in strode Doc.

Crumbs. Criminy. Yoinks. Lawks-a-mercy etc. This was boys own stuff reminiscent of a Victor comic or similar. Doc just biffed the ball all over the park. Clark, hoping to set 140, suddenly watched as the scoreboard revolved quicker than the reels on a fruit machine as Doc pulled and smashed his way towards what would have been a very well-deserved 50. His only blemish was to call Shaun through for a very tight single which Shaun failed to complete. Oh and skying one only for the bowler - too keen by half all day and not trusting his compatriots - to call for the catch and never get anyone near it despite at least two teammates being almost directly underneath it. After that, along with Hilly who made a muscular 10 not out, he completely dominated chasing 180 from 42 overs – the target set by a now rather cheerful Clarky. He eventually perished to his first miscue, caught form the shot that were it middled would have taken him to the magic number. It only remained for Lownsy to come to the wicket for the first time this season and play a very authentic sweep shot to bring up the 180 from 42.4. The declaration was made to preserve Dom’s average of infinity.

Ben Mellett for the opposition, a colt, was an impressive performer for Old Sluts. He will take the wickets of worse batsmen than Moore and Lofting in his career. Wellapilli used the conditions well also, making it difficult for the top order to score. Perhaps though, he could disguise his quicker ball slightly better. It wasn’t so much the signal at the beginning of the run as the doubling of run-up pace that gave it away...

Tea. 6/10. Same old.

If Old Sluts had been able to damage our top order with mostly on the spot sub-military-medium stuff, then it seemed self evident that Shaun and Muzzy – both a yard or two quicker and both much taller – would be very difficult to play on a what was now a quickly drying wicket.

In no time at all OS’s top order were back in the hutch, two caught behind (one off an impossible to deal with rearing ball from a good length from Shaun, the other playing an expansive drive from a super ball from Muzi). Then a fantastic moment. Crane, doing short leg, caught the dangerous Mellett Snr off the full face by staying low and demonstrating fantastic technique. 12-3 and the pitch looked lethal. It was a progression after that until Nichols and James shored things up.

Regular bowling changes followed to break up opposition rhythm and Doc and Lownsy both took wickets. Neither they nor Ewen could locate consistent length to make the bats play though and the skipper turned to Hill who rewarded him with the remarkable figures of 6-4-7-2. Considering that five came from one no ball this was fantastic bowling for the conditions. At the stumps, in-swinging Yorkers in the main, which did enough to break a stubborn eighth wicket partnership (Mellett B again displaying real fight with James), Hill was the pick of the change bowlers.

Shaun was brought back to finish things with overs running down and he removed Mellett B to end the match. This was not before some regrettable controversy occurred which had been brewing ever since Mellett Snr came out to umpire. A fellow that could start a fight, alone, in a phone box (see pic of Casa Mellett), he’d accused the Wick 1s, and Clark in particular, of cheating in the corresponding fixture last year. Knowing this, the Wick had been instructed not to talk to him at all when he batted and to keep as quiet as possible between deliveries as any incidental chat seemed to rile him. He batted reasonably well last year in a dogged rearguard and Clark wanted to ensure that he wasn’t wound up to do the same this time.

However this is the type that will come out to umpire in club games once he has no other role to play to make sure he’s still involved. It’s why you should always bring an umpire if you possibly can because they will probably not have two colt sons batting in the later overs and shouldn’t have an axe to grind. His petty involvement began by widing Dick unnecessarily. He then held back bowlers over fussily if anyone was talking as the bowler was reaching his mark. Here was a man seeking confrontation.

His opportunity eventually arose when Shaun unfortunately – as he had done a few times already to other bats – pitched one near his own toes and bounced it over the head of Mellett’s 13 year old son. It was unfortunate because the lad was not of great stature and this was a very difficult wicket now to keep the ball below bail height. Had we had Delboy in the side he would have been on at this point which would have taken all room for argument out. Unfortunately this short ball was delivered despite repeated and plaintive exhortations during the preceding twenty overs to all the Wick bowlers to try to pitch it up an extra yard to hit the stumps. There was no intent and everyone on the field knew it. Shaun himself was disappointed that he’d let such filth go and apologised immediately.

This prompted volleys of abuse from Mellett and threats to knock the bowler’s head off etc etc. At that point placatory words were said by the skipper to no avail as the tirade continued. Further attempts to pour oil on troubled waters failed between the overs as he then effectively accused the Wick of gamesmanship.

What an example to set the three Colts playing. One of them followed it and started dishing out verbals to the fielders, imagining that slights were being exchanged and this was the way to play cricket. Shamefully, not a single Old Sutt made the trip up the stairs to the bar for a pint afterwards and Mellett was the quickest out of the blocks since Ben Johnson won Gold in 6 or so seconds all those years ago and was surprised to find that he was more doped up on steroids than a champion bodybuilder. All pretty pathetic and frankly the victory was all the sweeter for it. Let us hope that the 2s can get out of this division so that we never have to play against this unfortunate again.

The game was played by all apart from him in good spirit and without edge until his interventions. But the 20 points fall to us on a weekend when Guildford City did us a favour and beat Merrow to leave us… 20 points ahead of the field. There’s a lot to be said for this victory. We won the game batting first on a difficult surface. We toughed it out to give ourselves the best of the conditions to bowl in. And we stuck to the task of winkling out a side that were never in the game and stopped going for it very early. And much better value for our match fees than doing it the other way around.

Match Report - 3rdxi vs Thames Ditton - by Kirky

Thames Ditton's 3rds Ground and President Sissen

Editors's Note:

Wickman has received a number of communications this morning from 3rd xi players who are less than gruntled by Saturday's facilities. Gentlemen, the committee offers its apologies. If they had known Thames Ditton wanted to play boules on a cabbage patch they'd have secured another fixture elsewhere. The thought of Bobby, Dick and Mooro having to change in the open air is bringing a sort of smile to Wickman's face (although Wickman is trying not to think too hard about it) but Wickman appreciates that cricket should be more fun. Thank goodness for Kingsfield... In the meantime everyone should please be assured that the fixtures sec will be assessing not just availability of opposition but facilities also. What with the 3s playing on the Somme and the 2s not getting a game it hasn't been a great weekend. It's not easy...

Kirky's Report Follows:

Whilst I can’t claim to have any knowledge of cricket it seems there is usually a clear man of the match. A person who rises above their team-mates and the opposition to create the winning advantage. It may be argued Gilchrist's 150 may have sealed the world cup for Australia. In the case of HWRCC 3rd XI vs TDCC 3rd XI there was a clear leading wicket taker who stitched up, undid and cleaned up experienced and inexperienced batsmen alike.

This contestant wasn't a player but the wicket. It was a mixture of dust bowl, green patches and yellow tufts and the bounce was variable to say the least. Luckily the wicket wasn’t biased and took victims of both teams. My sympathies go out to Thames Ditton 3rd XI. It appears a lot of their home fixtures will take place at this ground. Not a particularly rough park but it had more Vicky Pollards than you could shake a stick at and it all takes place under the gaze of Surrey's business hub and architectural marvel the Tolworth Tower.

Things started badly when the groundsman failed to turn up and open the pavilion, we plugged on regardless. As with last week the 3rd XI was a mixed bag of experience, youth and variations in-between, it was also Merwin's Saturday debut for the Wick. Someone won the toss and the Wick went into bat.

The Wick top order was quickly undone by the randomiser wicket and before we knew it we were 70/7 and looking down the barrel of the gun. Those in the top order struggled to get into double figures. Perhaps the only person to escape the wicket was Derrick but Tom saw to that and triggered him. There were any number of excuses not to give LBW on this wicket but Tom wasn't feeling charitable. A quick cameo by yours truly brought three 4s and worryingly the top score. After trying slog a full toss and being caught at mid-off, Lloydy was brought to the crease. On a side note Lloydy's flatmate Cransey has recently invested in a fancy new cricket bat. If Lloydy was trying to make a point that you don't need an Uzi SPS to make runs he didn't mention it. He set about dispatching the bad balls of which there were generous amounts. Joined by Jimmy C they set about a match saving partnership. Eventually Jimmy was run out to a direct hit; the quick running stressed his hamstrings ruling him out from the bowling attack but his 29 was more than useful. Tom came and made a few before Bobby declared or whatever you do in timed matchs. This was very kind of Bobby as Lloydy was on 46 and in danger of buying jug. Wick 160/9 off 47 overs.

Tea looked promising but somehow TD had lost the plates. Not being a fastidious bunch we did without, it might explain why there was a fair amount of salad left over. 7/10

Tom and I opened the bowling. I took the wicket of an older fellow and Tom took one of a youngster who had a fine looking leave. This did mean he took one to the helmet a couple to the ribs. Leave at you own risk on this wicket. He eventually tried to cut one that moved in about a foot and kept low skittling him, a good wicket for Tom.

It appeared TD had learnt from our mistakes and were playing patiently. It was slow going as the 3 and 4 put on the runs. Merwin replaced Tom but had a tough time finding the line and length that saw him taking wickets in the nets. Bloomy was brought on to replace myself, though there was movement there was no guarantee it was going with the spin. Dick replaced Merwin and Derrick replaced Bloomy. Derrick’s first ball pitched short of a length and shot along at ankle height. His second pitched short of a length and shot three feet above the bats head. The second did exactly the same. This was the story of Derricks spell, the bat could expect the ball at head height or ankle and there was no discernable way to tell one ball from the other.

Eventually Dick and Derrick began to make inroads. Almost unbelievably there were three catches from Butterfingers Bobby and one caught by myself who has equally if not more buttery fingers. From being up the creek we had managed to turn the game around. It finished a winning draw for the Wick. Thames Ditton 141ish/9.

I think we can all agree a winning draw is more satisfying than a loosing one but when it boils down to the luck of the bounce it takes the shine off it. Credit to Lloydy and Jimmy surviving the randomiser, building any runs on the Alexandra Rec wicket is no mean feat.

2s vs Old Emms - or how AJ stitched us up

HWRCC 2xi vs Old Emmanual 1xi (enough said).

OE 256-4 (40 overs) No 4 100*

HWRCC 140ish – 8 (40 overs) Hibberd 33

HWRCC: A Moore, P Hibberd, D Fudge, N Clark +, C High, B Daly, D Soppitt, J Cameron, T Donnelly, D Lown, M Noor

The most important call on Saturday for the 2s was not that made at the toss by the opposition captain but the one made by Alexander George Edward Jackson when booking the fixture. Your correspondent imagines it thus:

OE Fixtures Sec Telephone: Ring ring, ringety-ring (repeat x 4) AGEJ: Lazy sold answer the phone, answer the phone OEFS: Hello, you are through to John Doe Plastics, how can I help you? AGEJ: You the fixtures sec for OEs then buddy? OEFS: Er, ah ha, yes, at work you know, got to pretend. AGEJ: Yeah me too, my boss doesn’t mind though he plays down at the club. OEFS: Lucky. Talk much cricket in the office does he? AGEJ: Yeah mate, but he’s got a rubbish imaginary square cut. ATS. FACT. Right, let’s do some business. OEFS: What have you got mate? AGEJ: Cheeky pre-season date. Looking at the 28th April. OEFS: Good stuff – I can give you our 1s. 2nd Div, Surrey Champ, job done. AGEJ: *hesitates for a microsecond before imagining his fixtures card full up* Yeah we’ll have some of that our ahem 1s will be up for that, don’t you worry, they got promoted last year and everything. OEFS: Cheers old chum. Do you play 1s then? AGEJ: Erm yes, but I will be visiting my dear old Granny that day so I won’t see you. OEFS: Toodle pip then. AGEJ: All the best phone put down hee hee hee no one will know…

And Mr Jackson was right. We didn’t know. Right up until we’d bowled about 6 overs at them and realised that both of their openers were capable of absolutely timing the leather off the ball and could look largely unconcerned when faced with some banana-like swing and raw pace from Muzzybilly and some impressively gun-barrel straight stuff from Tommy D.

The message came through loud and clear when, having finally taken a couple of wickets (Muzzy uprooting one’s leg stump with a bigggggg in-ducker and Thatsamooray taking a blinder at ankle height in the gully off Tommy D), we got to look at numbers 3 and 4. We spent some time looking at both as they went about their business. No 4 eventually assembled a fine-looking century in fact, giving only a quarter chance early on when he edged a full toss hard and fast to second slip. You might call it a half chance at test level, but to pluck this would have installed the unfortunate recipient in Wick folklore. That was not to be.

A couple of other things became apparent.

Fielding on this outfield is going to require some guts and bravery until it can be mown and it recovers from winter use as grazing for sundry deer and football prac. Right now it’s hard work. Clarky, forced into a number of last gasp leg side Peter-The-Cat- Bonnetti-type interceptions early on was much chagrined by a number of balls that pea-rolled after pitching for a second time and made him look much older and less adept than usual. Others watched the ball zig-zag past them. Still others watched it hop over their hands or fail to take an expected bounce. For a while we were truly pummelled as the ball disappeared time after time. My advice? Long barriers and to note that the 2s are now playing away from home (in the cricketing sense) until May 19th.

This particular strip has lost some oomph over the winter. The ball tends to keep low when delivered from the Kingston end. A number of our bats were to be undone failing to get forward later on and it was difficult to get the ball away all day.

Dominic Lown was to profit from the bounce to get rid of their very handy looking number 3. A right hander who looked to have the class of an overseas player, had looked very accomplished and played some beautiful straight drives before chasing a wide one that kept low, and feathering it into Clark’s gloves. At the other end the No 4, left-handed Jaapie, continued to put the ball in all the right places.

Derek Del-Boy Soppitt was perhaps the only bowler to come close to containing him and used flight and guile to keep him subdued and delay his century until the 40th over. In the meantime Del tempted the No 5 to hoist him to a nonchalant Hibberd at long on (one of those classic Hibberd will he bother to catch it ah yes he’s got it specials). Clark told the No 4 as the ball hung for ever in the sky “that’s out that is” and it was.

Jimmy C and Tommy D bowled the death overs, Jimmy bowling No 6 with a shooter that wouldn’t have looked out of place in the hands of John Wayne and between times Fudge and Hibberd turned their arms over, but in the face of withering batting from No 4.

And so to tea. Fruit salad in evidence. Egg sandwiches as per. A good sense of vinegar in the tuna numbers. Encouraging start to the season etc etc as this is a friendly, no points will be awarded.

Our reply began at 4 an over and it looked as if OEs had not brought with them their usual opening attack. And frankly, given that they are a number of divisions above us, we were playing some of their 1s it’s probably a good job too. Hibberd continued to display good early season form, racing to 33 with one or two finely timed shots while Mooray looked less comfortable in his first trot of the season.

The ball, unchanged from the first innings, began to lose whatever shine it had and the phrase “that one kept low” was much in evidence. Hibberd and Moore both perished bowled by their No 3 in quick succession, who, it transpired, bowled leg spin in the style of Anil Kumble (ie much skid and just a hint of turn). This introduced Fudge and Clark to the wicket with 7 an over needed from 30.

Now I am not saying that 7 an over was an impossibility against this attack but it seemed an unlikely mountain to climb. Not Everest, or K2 even, more, perhaps, a Killimanjaro. Something that, with things in your favour, and some preparation, you could walk to the top of without too much bother. However, the pitch was not in our favour. I thought the opposition were calling it a cabbage patch at one point, but deduced that they were referring to a rather round faced young man who resembled the dolls of the same name. At least I think I have got that right. Accurate seam-up from the Kingston end did, eventually, for Fudge attempting to guide one too many to the midwicket fence, Tommy D feeling unable to deny the bowler given that the skipper hadn’t got forward. Clark was finding it difficult to locate the middle of the bat and was scraping 1s and 2s together in place of a decent innings.

Charles High esq visited the wicket briefly and took up where he left off last year, hitting the ball as hard as he could, quickly racing to double figures, often with assistance from the fielding side. Perhaps together High and Clark could have made more of a game of it as Clark found his feet in the middle but another failure to get forward at the Mill Wood end did for High (LBW to Mooray) and Clark, having located the boundary from some “we’d like to keep you interested so we’re going to toss some up” bowling perished at mid on for 25. Not before, mind you, setting himself to play a back foot pull shot (anticipating something about knee high) and having to play a hockey-style slap to keep a pea-roller out.

Some circumspect batting from Ben Daly and Jimmy C (work in the front room of his Clapham flat has ensured a more correct style than that evidenced over the winter) ensured we did not capitulate tamely and Del and Tommy D, in contrasting styles, brought the total to some respectability. Jimmy and Muzzy lasted out the final few overs of “right you have a go” bowling and handshakes were exchanged.

Some lessons were learned. Until the outfield clears up, bravery may just determine who wins games. Captains will choose which bowlers to use at which end to take account of the bounce. And we must all play much straighter and on the front foot for the moment. Despite a sound thumping in this encounter, spirit remained constant and it’s interesting to note that despite some dodgy ground fielding, what chances came our way were accepted.

With the xbats playing at home on Saturday, work being done on the benches and elsewhere, with a social in the evening (I can report that the London Pride was at a good temperature – I kept going back to check all night) and non-playing members in evidence it was an encouraging start to the season. Now it only remains to make sure that AGE Jackson esq hasn’t stitched up any more sides. The relative safety of league fixtures aside, look out anyone playing Wednesday, Sunday or 3s…