Guess Who the Zulus Are…

The Wick bowling attack has S&L 9 down but can't make the final breakthrough

HWRCC 4xi vs Staines and Laleham
HWRCC 194-8 (45.5 overs) Clark 79, Miles 46
Staines and Yawnham 89-9 (45 overs)
HWRCC winning draw (4pts) by 105 runs

Zulu is a film that we watch at Easter and other bank holidays. It commemorates the battle of Rourke’s Drift in 1879. It’s a rollicking good watch.

The Brits were trying to take over Southern Africa. No doubt we were pretty keen on diamonds, gold and nice beaches. Quite rightly the local populace were less than impressed.

Thousands of them gathered together at Isandlwana and kicked seven shades of shit out of the Brits and then surrounded a handful of fleeing infantry, engineers and the wounded at a missionary station in Natal. The Brits had guns, officers, a bit of pluck and skills. The oppo – Zulus – had numbers (about 4000), plenty of very sharp looking spears, one or two rifles and the geographical advantage.

11 Victoria Crosses were won at Rourke’s Drift. Wave upon wave of Zulu warriors charged at the station – eventually the Brits fell back in a last ditch stand – and following the fiercest hand to hand combat you can imagine eventually the Zulus decided enough was enough and withdrew. In real life this was because a relief army was on its way. In the film there is singing of songs – Zulu warriors saluting the bravery of their foe, the Brits belting out Men of Harlech.

Today’s game of cricket was a bit like the battle of Rourke’s Drift. It was, like that battle, eventually a draw after waves and waves of Wick pressure were repulsed by S&L. But there the similarity ends. If the S&L mob are handing out Victoria crosses this morning it would be a shame. And the men of the Wick will not be singing songs of praise for their bravery. And Wickman doubts very much that Staines will be returning the favour either.

The Staines skipper had, like the Brits, lost a battle before he got to the Wick – the 3s skipper had taken all his batting. So a rag tag army turned up to Kingsfield, won the toss, decided to bowl (ATS – Clarky would have done the same) and gave up at tea, never chasing the target.

That said, he had bought his best attack with him. Which makes it all the more surprising that Miles and Clark put on 125 for the first wicket, batting authoritatively and accelerating well after they’d seen the shine off. There were a few edges and the odd drop – Clarky was palmed over the boundary for one of his sixes and Miles was put down by a bowler – but this was not a streaky partnership. It was hot out there and they thoroughly demoralised the oppo and ground them into the dust.

The oppo started with some control – four of their five maidens were bowled in the first 8 overs – but once the batsmen got used a pitch that had some skiddy pace in it – they plundered runs at a rate of 5 an over so that by over 30 125 had been amassed. There were some good looking shots out there. A pulled six and a bullet quick off drive from Clarky, late cuts and chunky drives from Miles were the highlights. The perfect platform had been set for those who would follow.

Miles departed a boundary sort of his fifty caught at mid off attempting to find that boundary. Lloydy drove down the wrong line and was bowled. It’s often like that after you’ve sat and watched for 30 overs. Clark eventually perished with the score on 155 from 36. A fightback by S&L at this point snuffed out much acceleration (Edmonds and Usman tried to give it some tap) and we reached 194 from 45.4. There was some muttering about umpiring decisions – but as these are our teammates they are our umpiring decisions…

The pick of the oppo bowlers was opener Cole and Gyves Jr was surprisingly rapid. He’s going to be a handful in a couple of years. Rafiq sprayed it around a bit and picked up a few wickets. Gyves Sr took a couple of wickets when the slog was on.

You know of course, in hindsight, that this was too many runs. Why did the acting skipper of the day bat on this long? S&L came third in this league last year and have regularly put decent scores on. His reasoning was to give them the same number of overs back as they should have been capable of chasing. In the event we probably could have declared after 30 overs and still won the game. Because S&L never really made even a token attempt.

Tea – Wickman has been away a long time and had forgotten DBW’s arts. It was magnificent to be back tasting that special sauce in the egg sandwiches etc. As per there was nothing different and there were no home baked cakes so it’s a very creditable 8 and exactly why Clarky came out of retirement.

The Staines innings was largely an abomination – the hideous mutated offspring of an alien beast, a Chernobylled Zebu and one of those American women who has had too much plastic surgery. Did anyone on their side really believe there was a chance they could chase this? Wickman doubts it. A couple of shots were played in anger, but the leading scorer for S&L was our old friend E X Tras who amassed 38. Which meant that all of S&L’s batsmen together put on a measly 51 from 45 overs. Crap really.

For S&L the Colts Hunt and Gyves look like proper cricketers who in the future will make many runs for S&L - but in the engine room of the S&L reply they were not going to be able to move things on quick enough. Perhaps Rafiq and Carty might have been able to make a go of it, but neither really got in for long enough.

Our bowling was good. Three colts – Jack Smith, James Hoppe and Olly King – between them produced the figures 17-6-25-3 – which was very good indeed. Jack was 5-3-2-1! All bowled with admirable control and did exactly what was asked of them. Phenomenal stuff. Usman bowled 9 overs of interesting looking off spin and took a wicket. Collier too. Splinter and even Clarky took a wicket each. But when a side has decided to shut up shop – which probably happened round about the 10 over mark – balls have to be hitting the stumps to have a chance of taking wickets and not enough of ours were. A couple of stiff chances were put down in the cordon but the standard of the fielding was good.

In such situations tempers fray and there were some fractious moments. The umpires need to be on top of things and look like they know the rules – which wasn’t the case here. A bump ball catch was appallingly adjudicated causing annoyance all round – eventually Wickman thinks the right decision was made – the batsman was reinstated – but that was largely done through negotiation as the umpires conspired together to give the benefit of the doubt, largely on the testimony of the batsman.

Elsewhere one of their bats started complaining about our over rate when the skipper and keeper were mid conference – which earned him a sharp retort about pots and kettles which he didn’t like – before hilariously running himself out the next ball and then, for all the world, looking like he was going to murder Lloydy. Unedifying…

We took wickets regularly but no attacking shots were being played towards the end and it became harder and harder to winkle folk out. One of the oppo played French cricket for his entire innings and got very upset that he was receiving some needle. He celebrated the draw hard at the end. It didn’t feel like anyone should be handing out medals...

Staines went away whining that we had bowled our overs slowly and were in some bad humour because of it. Here are the facts: Staines and Laleham took 3.5 hours to bowl their overs. Due to Clark smashing some of it into the bushes they wasted some time looking for balls certainly. We bowled ours (including three extra overs of extras) in 2.45 hours. 45 minutes faster. Erm – 16.36 overs per hour. Staines and Laleham bowled theirs at 12.85. A bit crap really.

These mutterings aside it was a good game for the Wick. In hindsight we had far too many runs. But we had 45 overs to bowl the oppo out and that should have been enough. To get so agonisingly close was a bit of a bore but a dominant performance should be some comfort. The Zulus didn’t manage to get a victory at Rourke’s Drift despite the Brits being about 8 down on a very dodgy track… No doubt the top Zulu would be saying that they’d had the best of the game too…

MOM Clarky. Runnssss.

Kempton CC 4xi vs Hampton Wick Royal CC 4xi
Kempton won the toss
HWRCC 175 all out in 39.2 (McMullen 44, Clark 36 – Smith 5-46)
Kempton 168 all out in 49.4 (Osbourn 56, R Inger 30, E X Tras 29!!! - McMullen 5-24)
HWRCC wins by 7 runs

Selves*, Holland+, Miles, Edmonds, Clark, Mcmullan, Mohit, Lown, Linter, Laight, Unsworth

McMullen Clinches Win as Others Clench

Back in the day Wickman had a job in an organization that specialised in working with British Industry to determine whether products were, as they say in the world of business, fit for purpose. People there spent years in committees determining how to describe what various widgets were for and how they should be made. It was mind numbing stuff. One committee had been meeting twice a year and working in between for 20 years and still had not been able to come up with a definition for what a mountain bike actually was. If you think about it hard enough, they said to Wickman, you’ll realise how difficult it actually is.

Wickman sympathised and hoped journalists would never call to ask why it was taking so long as he wondered whether they would share the committee’s bepuzzlement. On balance he felt not. There was however one part of the organization which seemed like great fun to part of. Here, on a trading estate North of London, a team of engineers systematically beat the cr*p out of things to work out when they broke. This was to determine whether they would do their job when in situ. Wickman watched as sleds containing dummies were crashed into walls, things were fired at other things and weights were dropped on helmets for example. Scrupulous notes were taken etc etc.

Yesterday was such a stress test for the Wick’s fourth eleven – the place, apart from the 1xi, where the experienced eye lingers to determine strength and depth of a club’s resources. Test conditions were not ideal. Kempton’s second pitch is next to Sunbury’s most leafy avenue and is football pitch shaped with short boundaries to left and right and a longish slog to the straight ones.

As last week Clarky’s car key sank into the depths of the strip immediately. It was stodgy. More worryingly for nervous batsmen, all over the square, which seemed to be hewn from a football pitch, there were strange plants growing. It looked like some of the growing beasties from the Invasion of the Body Snatchers were competing for space and light with a plethora of Audrey II’s from Little Shop of Horrors. Some of these were round about a good length. Like Lords it sloped from one side of the track to the other. Viewed from one angle, with the back of Kempton Park’s grandstand in the background you could almost convince yourself… no – it was a rotten looking deck which would claim victims in equal measure later in the match.

Unlike last week the toss was lost and this week the Wick would be asked to set a target. Whilst last week the batting looked thinner than Clarky’s hair on top, this week there was some depth to it and this would prove crucial. In the opening exchanges Phil Miles looked busy but he would perish early to Osborn bowled and before Clarky could get his bearings, Charles was done by one that moved a mile off the pitch. VERY unlucky. Selvesy joined and like last week he and Clarky attempted to steady the ship. Unfortunately before too long Selvesy top edged a sweep and spooned one up to the man on the 45. 20-3. Dutchy – who looked just short of a million dollars – arrived in the middle and boshed it around a bit before calling a second to a mis-field and finding himself just short of his ground.

And so the Wick was deep in the mire with 34 on the board and four men back in the hutch. Kirky came out and played extremely straight and extremely sensibly before blazing a series of cuts and late cuts to the boundary, looking like a club version of David Gower.

Clarky, still circumspect as last week, was though finding the middle of the bat this week and combined cautious defence of the straight stuff with some attacking blows. A savage clubbed four down the ground came right out of the middle like a rocket and almost killed Lownsy (umpiring) and Kirky (non-striker) before whistling to the boundary and immediately necessitating fundamental field changes. From last week where the ring around him was tighter than the proverbial gnat’s rear end, this week he was offered singles down the ground to longs off and on which he took gratefully. Just as he was beginning to look good – an enormous maximum off a bouncer clubbed into Sunbury’s premier residential street and someone’s front garden, clearing on the way impressively tall horse chestnuts - he was undone by drinks and not the ones he had had the night before.

Having seen off with Kirky one of the openers, Inwood, he became frustrated by his inability to smear away the filthy looseners from the new bowler after the break and patted a full toss to cover on the boundary. A tame end to an innings which was promising more and a partnership which had put on 45. And once again the Wick was on the knife edge. With such a small ground we needed to kick on and get some runs because despite our bowling attack we would need some to defend. At this point we had only 79 which was not enough.

Kirky too perished as drinks brought not one but two. Mohit – who likes to mow hit as we know from Matty D – then did just that and entertained with a very brisk and boundary-laden 19 before running himself out. He was partnered by Paddy McM who first quietly and then explosively tore into the change bowlers pulling anything short over the short boundary for six. He rattled along, belieing his age and the pitch to a swashbuckling 44 before unfortunately holing out to mid on.

Smith for the oppo who filthily removed Clarky, was flourishing now as the lower order bats started to whirl like dervishes and would pick up five. You can’t argue with the book but we think he will bowl better without quite reaching the same juggy heights. Unsworth played very well from 9 and scored an entertaining 20 something. Splints picked out long off Inwood, who was extremely surprised to pouch another having just got rid of Paddy at long on, and there remained only time for Lown to get off the mark with a boundary (ATS) before Runsworth got the double brackets to end our knock.

At the break between the innings 176 felt like enough. But the relative brevity of our innings – we failed to fully utilise the 40th over – left Kempton 51 overs to reply. You can look at it two ways. We probably wouldn’t have declared at 40 although Wickman did not quiz the skipper on this and by chucking away a few wickets almost certainly unwittingly created a game of it. Our innings was dominated by Paddy’s knock and without it would have been too brief and insubstantial. Only a herculanean performance with the ball by a bowler would deny him the MOM Wickman ruminated on the way to tea. That so many lower order bats chipped in spoke volumes for the resilience in the side and passed the stress test mentioned earlier. On another day we might have struggled to amass 120 with half the side gone. As it was the last four wickets produced almost 100 runs. Well played.

And so to tea. Kempton teas have been described before most mouth wateringly by Sir Matthew of D after a 1s visit and Wickman’s saliva was already washing like the tide over coastal rocks around his teeth before he saw it. Good pasta smells tickled his nostrils along with the tang of garlic bread. Sandwiches were cut both on the angle and into fingers and were prepared with fresh bread. One of the sandwiches surprised and delighted - where Wickman had anticipated egg, coronation chicken was discovered to much jubilation (geddit?).

There were cakey things including coconutty marshmallowy numbers. Here was a tea in which its creator had demonstrated pride and skill. We liked it and lingered long at it like weary travellers at a wayside inn after a long day on the road. As ever there were quibbles - the tea, good, strong was served in thin plastic mugs with a message about recycling on them which failed to hold the brew at temperature and slightly irritated too. The lack of a homemade cake taken with this minor muggy blemish takes us down to an 8.5. Make no mistake though this tea has set the bar high. In Wickman’s memory only Ripley has surpassed it. But the memory of Ripley sours as they were unutterable knobbers which left a bitter taste. Unlike this tea which was close to superb, and this oppo who were personable and played the game in the right way.

And so their reply and the second part of the stress test. Our side was populated with decent bowling – folk who have on merit represented more illustrious xis including Unsworth and Lown, and others including Paddy and Splints who have taken wickets at 2xi and 3xi level. The track was drier than when our top order had batted on it, but like tea was no cakewalk. We also had a top quality ex 1s wicket keeper in Dutchy who pressured bats all afternoon by standing up to all the bowlers and the younger folk – Dommy, Splints, Runsworth, Charles and Paddy in particular would look sharp in the field.

But oh how those short boundaries beckoned. The opening partnership started relatively cautiously. One of them looked like a greyhound in the field and a decent cricketer who could take the game away from us. Fortunately for us he nailed Dom straight to the point boundary fielder as those on the sidelines prematurely celebrated a six. Pouched by Unsworth. Chloe Springer likes this.

Number 3 was R Inger. Turning up in our 39th over and wearing club stash, he pouched a catch as his first contribution. Here he looked assured, contemptuous and started to smash it all over the place. Investigation shows a ton for their 2s and a 70 for their 1s. He raced to 30 before a full pitched ball from Dom defeated his drive and crashed into his Forrest Gumps. So Dom had done his job and done it well removing the 2 really dangerous looking top order bats.

Mohit removed a stubborn looking Miah and Paddy got rid of Mekwan who was beginning to look useful. That said he couldn’t see the ball as he hadn’t brought his glasses (“should have gone to Specsavers” P. Linter I thangyoo) so that was the only useful looking he was doing. But the other cricketer in their xi who looked a class above, Osborn, settled in, stood tall and drove the ball with authority. Just as we got them to five down Osborn, first in partnership with Lee and then skipper Wilsdon began to turn the tie towards Kempton. Just when we needed bowling of real discipline, from one end we kept pitching the ball half way down the track and must have given Osborn five or six straightforward boundaries through an undefended midwicket.

The partnership with Wilsdon was particularly fruitful – the skipper had one shot into the off side to get him to the other end while he watched Osborn bat. Together they put on 44 of which Wickman would wager Osborn scored 40. With 13 needed the game looked up but then Selvsey pulled off a captaincy masterstroke and brought back Paddy to partner the naggingly accurate Unsworth who was keeping us in the game by keeping the runs down at one end.
And now, just as the test was at its most stressful, with any a handful of runs required, the youngest member of our team passed it nervelessly. Unlike his more experienced colleagues Paddy bowled full and straight from his end and gave us a chink of light by bowling Osborn who had gone past 50 by now. He repeated the dose in the same over with the new bat and then took the final two wickets in his next. And all this just as Kempton’s 1s had arrived to hang out with Richard Inger and take the piss. The winning margin was a mere 7 runs and they melted away stealthily not wanting to be tainted by defeat.

Brilliant game of cricket. Had everything bar dodgy decision making. MOM is Paddy. His was the classic all-rounder performance. Bosh runs when needed and then bowl a nerveless spell at the death with only 13 runs to play with and four wickets needed. Three were bowled, full and straight, the other caught behind of another full and straight ball. Great stuff.

And by the way. We’re top of the division today. It may not last but it’s an achievement to be proud of.

2010 CHAIRMANS AWARD WINNER - NICK CLARK

The Chairman's Award is special!! By all means fill your boots with 500 runs or take 50 wickets, we won't mind that!! But what really makes a club tick, is it's members and one's devotion to the cause, devotion to the WICK!!

Lots of people up and down the country play cricket. But there are a few special people at every club that put in hideous amounts of effort to ensure that majority are able to just turn up and doe exactly that; play. It's the behind the scenes stuff that really makes a cricket club what it is and the WICK such a special place to be a member of.

We are fortunate to have a number of these special people at our club and they have once again given up their time to help improve the WICK in 2010.

So rightly so the following people received nominations for the 2010 Chairman's Award; Dominic Lown, David Fudge, Greg Unsowrth and Charlie Browning all made a real difference this year and their hard work will never go un-recognised, however this years recipient really stood out from the crowd.

Nick Clark was announced the winner of the Chairman's Award for 2010 and received his trophy to rapturous applause on Sat night.

Nick's persistent effort to move the club forward was rewarded with the WICK being awarded Club Mark in the Spring of 2010. This was a great achievement by Nick and the rest of the sub committee and provided a real feather in the clubs cap. Clarky wasn't done there. He excelled in his new role as Chief Selector, helping the league captains continuously get strong teams out on a Saturday and actually represented the WICK in League, Sunday and Wednesday cricket to show their is life in the old dog yet. Add this to being Hon. Club Sec and head of club communications (Who is WICKMAN?), Nick was also pivotal in helping persuade GRCP to become new Sponsors of the HWRCC Colts.

All that's left to say is, Thank You Nick, and you are totally and utterly WICK!!

WICK

Match Report - 2xi vs Stoke D'Abernon - by Clarky

HWRCC 2XI vs Stoke D’Abernon 2xi

Toss: Stoke

HWRCC 242-3 (50 overs) Golforbrazeeeeeeel 79, Fudge 46, Wright 45*, Mackie 40*

Stoke 243-7 (49.3 overs) Patrick 102, Lawes 72, Lown and Cameron 2 for.

Goulborn, Cole, Fudge*, Mackie, Wright, Clark+, Soppitt, Cameron, Donnelly, Powell, Lown

New Wick Proverb Say… Be Careful What You Wish For

Since our embarkation on the road to Surrey Championship cricket three or four seasons ago the 2s have become used to some pretty tedious cricket. With a few notable exceptions in the Fullers we often found ourselves playing sides with little or no ambition who took a perverse pleasure in playing draw at all costs cricket.

One of the exceptions to that rule has been the Stoke D’Abernon game each year. This correspondent has played in the fixture for the last three years and every game has been exciting and has produced a result. Both sides go for it, with the minimum of carping and a healthy dose of good sportsmanship.

It was with some joy that we discovered, after two straight promotion seasons, that we would finally get to play some 50 over win/lose stuff in this division. For once, although important, the toss would not play a huge factor in how the game developed… we always dreaded having to bat first knowing that however early we declared, if oppositions chose to stodge out a draw not even throwing up pies would tempt them to chase our totals.

It was an absolute pleasure to get to tea yesterday having delivered a more than competent performance with the bat and know that – weather allowing – we would have a result one way or the other. Thank goodness for a bit of common sense and a worthy stage for us to take on a club who we’ve had some good games against.

In the event though we reaped what we sowed as the battle of the two newcomers to Surrey Championship Division 5 was won by a deserving Stoke side with three balls to spare. The margin sounds tight – and here on paper it is – but really the Wick’s talented bowling attack failed to put the visitors under enough pressure to win this game. So – result cricket we wanted, and result cricket we got. After weekend one we find ourselves propping up the division knowing we’ve been in a great game of cricket… that doesn’t feel quite so great if you are laundering your dove, magenta and black kit today.

Stoke were dismissed here last year for approximately 160 and the batsmen were ruthless in pursuit of the target. This time around Stoke inserted the Wick to see what we might set them in largely bright conditions.

12 months ago this track was a sporty little number as the previous curator was spending too much time elsewhere. It was a result wicket in the worst sense. Bounce at the Millennium Wood end was embarrassing and many an opposition skipper was heard to grumble. The only thing we could say was it was as bad for both sides. We ourselves were turned over on it so we knew how it felf.

The strip yesterday was tinged with green and there was some underlying moisture which suggested it could be a bit sticky, but once the shine disappeared from the new ball it was easy paced and favoured the bat. Only over-ambition against tight bowling created chances in both innings. It is fair to report a number of balls failed to rise at the MW end giving both 'keepers some tricky clean up work to do but there were no scuttlers which suggests the new roller and even newer groundsman are having a positive effect.

Mills for Stoke bowled to that end and started in parsimonious fashion, swunging the ball away from a good length and excellent middle and leg line. Very few balls left the square and both bats had to work hard to extract any value. Golborn, off the back foot, pierced the field often but seldom found the rope early on. Finally Mills persuaded an increasingly indignant and agitated Cole – who had looked for the most part in bat all day mood – to essay something rustic and Stoke broke through, Cole caught well at slip. Ten overs for 22 runs from the Kingston end was an excellent spell and the wicket of Cole was scant reward.

Fudge and Golborn, the latter growing in fluency as the innings progressed (that late cut was out and timing was evident), decided that a firm base was desirable and eschewed anything risky until drinks were brought out. Harkett, later to play a direct and devastating role with the bat, plugged away towards Kingston and profited from the caution displayed. His excellent line and nagging length proved difficult to get away and time and again when he did err slightly the two right handers found only the close in cover fielder who had a very good afternoon in that position.

As Golborn’s game became more fluent, so Fudge also threw off the shackles. He dismissed the change bowler Stewart onto the Pavillion roof, breaking the first tile of the new season, and later began to take a liking to offspinner Lawes who gamely chose to defend the shorter boundary. Goulborn continued to rote the strike and began to time his powerful on drive too. In sight of a deserved ton he unfortunately perished to an excellent diving catch in the gully as he and Fudge pressed the accelerator. A partnership of 109 had set the game up and at this point with 9 overs to go it was time to explode. Unfortunately, attempting to clear the infield once too often, the skipper then skied one to long off missing out on a deserved half century.

This brought together Wright and Mackie. The left hand / right hand combination was ideal for the match situation, bringing the short boundary into play from both ends. Mackie was fluent and the spin combination of Lawes and Hopton struggled to stem the scoring. How the Stoke D’Abernon skipper must have rued bowling out Mills at this juncture. Mackie crowned the run chase with a devastating over against Hopton timing two sixes into the car park and Wright bludgeoned an effective 45 to somehow overtake him in the scoring. The two came together with 45 balls remaining and contributed 84 runs – a really crushing contribution which we hoped had handed us the momentum which TV commentators are so fond of.

At tea The Wick were pleased with the total, feeling it had been assembled to plan by keeping wickets in hand. It was clear to all that with so much grass on the outfield and the addition of sand that the short boundary would hold the key to the result.

Tea itself was one of Dave’s classics. Clotted cream was in evidence on scones (bullet hard though Dave). Chorizo was back. The egg lubricant was slightly too runny for the purist. Clarky was introduced to the concept of combination buns by Fudge and saw a new genius in the portly one’s work through the hatch. With pork products abundant, your reporter politely enquired of DBW whether there was mustard to be had not believing any would be extant. Not only was there mustard, there was a choice. This was a bitter sweet moment. The mustard was the piece de resistance without doubt and the tea scored 8.5. However the realisation that this reporter has probably missed out on five years worth of mustard left him raging against the dining that he might have enjoyed. DBW’s truculence in this matter has cost him dearly as the sour taste of missed opportunity forced reappraisal of the tea in hand and it was severely marked down to a 7.

Stoke’s reply started in a blaze of shots and some wayward bowling from the Wick. Tosses were full. The line was occasionally leg stump. Quick, short and wide stuff was cut away over the slips. Stoke were away out of the traps like one of our all rounders after the larger set. However in an attempt to maintain this furious pace both openers perished to ambitious shots and number 4 was also in too much of a hurry. Despite some less than tight work The Wick had noses in front, Lownsy had 2 for and Stoke must have been concerned that the best laid plans might have, as the poet says, “gan aglay”.

But we were unable to capitalise because we could not keep our discipline. Too many cafeteria balls were bowled and by half way Lawes, who smashed the ball around and Patrick, playing rather more circumspectly and with a pleasing degree of technical prowess and style, had assembled half the runs they needed on the dot of drinks. If you recall, The Wick had assembled only 60 at this point so Stoke’s bowlers in our innings and their batsmen here, had turned the game in their favour.

Annoyingly this lack of control from us infected nearly everyone – Jimmy C aside who maintained a good line throughout and Lownsy who fought back from an ordinary start - and we were unable to wrest back the initiative. With the pitch favouring the batsmen, we really needed to be able to keep catchers in but skipper Fudge was forced to protect the boundaries and station his men on the thirty metre markers because of the regular poor balls. What regulation chances that were created – through first and second slip – were through sadly vacant positions. Others from Delboy, who started extremely well tormenting Patrick in the 80s with flight and changes of pace, were only just within grasp of fielders sprinting to arrive at orthodox positions long abandoned. Clarky, up until this point extremely tidy behind the timbers, almost held onto one such chance but the ball spilled agonisingly from the tips of his gloves in front of the packed pavilion. On such margins games are won and lost. The breakthrough did eventually come when Lawes aimed one too many aggressive heaves at Jimmy C to fall for 72.

The doubt Delboy created in Patrick did at least slow the youngster’s progress with his century approaching and it seemed we might be able to keep him quiet enough to drive the rate up. But others around him maintained the busy progress and an at first nervous and rusty looking Harkett blossomed to clout an aggressive 32 mostly from poor balls including some unforgivable full tosses that didn’t necessitate him using his feet.

Towards the end the pace became frenetic – one bat skied one to the safety of long leg just out of the grasp of the despairing Clark again who’d run 40 yards to get there, the other jammed down on a Yorker and squirted the ball down to a vacant fine leg for three just when the pressure might have begun to count. Harkett finally smashed a length ball over mid off which carried Stoke home just as we thought we had exposed what looked like a tail.

The winning margin was three wickets and brought mixed feelings. Relief on the one hand that we were playing result cricket after years of stodgy rearguards by unambitious oppos, annoyance on the other that we had let a promising position slip. We simply weren’t sharp enough in the field but huge credit is due to Stoke bats Patrick, Lawes and Harkett for taking it to us in such spectacular fashion.

Stoke were worthy winners and their umpire, who stood both ends, was excellent so thank you. We’re of course looking forward to the return fixture later in the summer – ominously there was talk of Mills and Harkett getting even longer spells!

It will be up to the individuals here to work hard in the excellent new nets and for the team to go up another notch in all departments against Cranleigh next week.

Congratulations to Will Patrick on his debut ton for Stoke D'Abernon.

MOM – Golby.

[Here Golby capture's Mackie middling one into the carpark]

New Wick Poker Champion Crowned

A new Wick poker champion was finally crowned in the small hours of Sunday morning after a closely contested three hour final. A final table of Lownsy's landlord Mikey, Lownsy's mate Pete, Hibby, Clarky, Powelly and Mackie duelled it out in close card combat until finally Clarky drew a staight on the turn to beat Powelly's high pair. Earlier, Olly Lloyd (Teddington) had just missed out a final berth being the short stack. His consolation was to win the "plate" final beating stiff competition from Wickles, Matti, Lownsy, Joey and Lingers. Powelly had earlier been chip leader on his table and was, rather like the seconds leading for all but the final day of last season, unlucky to come a close second. £££s were raised for club funds.

Ditton 2s rearguard staves off heavy defeat

HWRCC 2nd xi vs Long Ditton CC 2nd xi (h)

Sayce, Fudge*, GingangGoldyGoldyGoldyGoldywhat’supginggangGold?, Hibberd, Clark+, High, Soppitt, Cameron, Greenwood, Hill, Lown

Long Ditton won the toss and decided to field

HWRCC 229-8 47.5 overs. Fudge 100, Hibberd 30
Long Ditton 132-9 48 overs Greenwood 5-25

They say fortune favours the brave. HWRCC were all bluster with the bat on Saturday but couldn’t quite boss the game with ball in hand. In the event a declaration that arrived at the right time technically was a wasteful indulgence on a day when the “margin of draw” was 97 runs.

Credit is due to Long Ditton who are the first team to get a draw against the 2s without the assistance of the rain. Heck this is the first 95 over game the 2s have played this year. That Long Ditton didn’t even get close to the winning draw, and only picked up four points in total, shows the relative inequity in the performances and suggests that the rules are wrong somewhere. There’s no value at all to Long Ditton’s valiant rearguard action. The rules don’t reward them for hanging on.

The Wick’s reward was only 2 points for dominating the match and 8 bonus points for doing everything except take that final wicket, absurdly imbued with 10 points all of its own. Ten points to winkle out a batsman with enough technique to realise that all he has to do is to not do anything aggressive and his team won’t have been beaten…

All the risk is piled on to the skipper who wants to win. For the skipper who can’t win because he does not have the resources, there’s no thought of batting first because if his side isn’t up to it, he doesn’t have to attack at any point in the game. He just sits back and preys on the need of the oppo skipper to win the game. Plus its more embarrassing to get dicked out for 132 looking for runs than it is to grind out 132 batting second blocking it out and squeezing boundaries off edges.

With respect to Long Ditton’s young team and skipper Knight who did so much to give us a good game, 230 runs were far too many. This is a strange time of year though. Teams that have done very little during the season to date are suddenly racking up 250+ and reducing teams to less than 100. Not very dignified to top the table and get taken apart. Elsewhere teams that have flirted with the top of the league are suffering mid-season wobbles which would make a Weightwatcher blanch. Guildford City declared after 40 overs yesterday desperate to keep their hopes of promotion alive and had 250+ overhauled… However a bit more bravado might have given us another five overs to do the job. In the warm light of Saturday afternoon 229 didn’t look toooo indulgent…

Our innings was a thing of great beauty. Skipper Fudge decided he would pinch hit. But once out there discovered young Colt Cheema in good form and with a slingy action. At the other end, Morton, a seasoned campaigner, bowled 15 overs of miserly medium away swingers in the almost Mississippi-like swamp heat. Neither Fudge nor Sayce found runs flowing. Both had to knuckle down. And once Fudge had banished a tendency to plant his pad on off stump and whip the ball around it to long leg, he looked the real deal. Sayce, as ever, played with technical aplomb and guided and urged the ball around the park while Fudge played as authentically but with muscle and slightly tighter technique than usual. Gone were the trademark flourishes and the extra waggles of a Garcia with the yips to be replaced with bludgeoning efficiency. This was good stuff.

There’s that bit in the Dambusters movie where, when the dams are broken, the director has spliced in dodgy footage of water spurting through a breach in the Eder. If you’ve seen the film you’ll remember it. The special effects genius of the time (early 1950s) has almost drawn the water on to the film. Still, it’s an impressive gush. Something like Old Faithful blowing in Yellowstone. Something like this happened to the usually even tempered Sayce with the opening stand in the late 70s. Suddenly the Sayce head received a rush of blood so stupendous that there was nothing he could do apart from slog a left armer up into the air and into the hands of one of Ditton’s youngsters.

The obdurate Sayce was replaced by the equally obdurate Goulborn. As Goldy held up the end that Saycey had been holding up, Fudge continued to make merry, dragging the Wick through the 100 barrier and into the batting points. Gold almost partnered Fudge to his personal milestone but perished to bring Hibberd to the wicket who was in a mood much like Toad of Toad Hall on receiving a new motor car.

This coincided with a odd bit of captaincy from Knight. With Fudge clearly flagging a few short of the milestone, the Wick in search of quick runs with Hibberd looking like forty agitated ferrets tied up in a pillow case, he brought on a youngster who served up 31 runs in two overs, most of which went to Hibberd and helped Fudge to reach a well-deserved 100 – the first for the club on Saturday this year.

It was strange because Knight later brought himself on and bowled three overs of extremely serviceable off breaks which claimed High and Soppitt. Those of us inclined to cynicism wondered whether he had held himself back while the really big bullets were being fired. Those of us inclined to seek the best in human nature imagined fondly that he was trying to give all his young bowlers a game.

Bennett – who caused all the bats problems – removed Fudge who had decided to begin pinch hitting only 90 minutes late. He then dispatched an out of sorts Clark who was so off his game that he forget to wear a thigh pad and perished in time honoured Wick fashion with his brains up his arse trying to pull a short ball that, surprise, surprise you’ve only seen it a thousand times, didn’t get up from the Kingsfield end. It was a horrible shot and fully deserved its £5 price tag and accompanying death rattle. Out from the moment it hit the track and inevitably sped under a horizontal bat like a tracer bullet. There was no point in any bat throwing or tantrums. Just a need for quiet reflection.

High then seized his opportunity to partner Hibberd in the search for quick runs and peppered the area between Long on and Cow with boundary seeking guided missiles. A rapid 28 was good value in the circumstances. The rest of the middle order followed Clark’s lead, Soppitt, Cameron, Greenwood and Hill not reaching double figures with some achieving only slightly more than others. 229 had been assembled from 47.5. A good performance in most weeks, but far too many for a Ditton side shorn of a couple of its strong bats (looking at Play Cricket).

Tea. No. Not good. Sorry. Not even quantity this week. I know I was not in the best of moods, but REALLY! 6.

48 overs should have been enough to truss up Long Ditton, bundle them into a van, drive them back over their side of the Thames, drop them in a field, phone the skipper’s mum, demand a tidy ransom, pick it up using an elaborate system of false bag drops and reveal where they were before they starved. But in the event we did not make the batsmen play enough when we bowled.

It seemed that none of the usual pressure was applied and that the performance was, well, just a bit flat. Yes Doc bowled with the guile and cunning of an ancient crocodile appointed Chair of Guile at the University of the River Nile (and was well rewarded in his first spell). Yes Hill made the ball talk, first in a high falsetto and then in a rich baritone, sometimes singing like Hibby, at other times swearing like a navvy with his thumb hit by a hammer. But too much hared harmlessly down the leg side or sailed wide of the off stump. We admired the shape. We were impressed by the areas (even when they weren’t) and we congratulated those two and Lownsy on the “wheels”.

At times it was too good. But in a game when we didn’t take a slip catch and the only edge behind was off a wild yahoo reminiscent of Saycey’s earlier moment, more needed to threaten the stumps. A lesson must be learned here. You need to make batsmen play. Doc deserved his five for and largely did just that. Hilly did get curl and a couple of wickets. But he also tested Clark to destruction who felt a kinship with Matt Prior that went beyond a tendency to shout a lot and slog runs. At least there wasn’t a Tendulkar to drop.

Lownsy also found the right line and, agony of agonies, took the final wicket only to be told he had overstepped. In between Hibby’s fire ball was discovered to be more Nov 5 sparkler than wrecker of street fighting video game characters and Fudgey’s occasional offspin would have been meat and drink to Barry Bonds the home run record hero of last week being as it was mostly full tosses. One of them did for Knight who threatened to make a big score against us as he slapped it in the general direction of Lownsy. Lownsy pulled off a simply stunning one handed catch to a ball that looked to be past him, dropping rapidly and generally not in an arc that Dom should have been able to intercept. But he did and it brought a win sharply into focus for us. How could we fail when such a stunner had been taken?

Fail we did. The last pair survived 36 balls and deserved their moment of quiet satisfaction at denying us a win. It felt like a sloppy performance. It felt like we weren’t penetrative. And maybe some quality in the pitch was missing to make Del so eminently playable on a day when there seemed to be enough turn and bounce for us to expect another 3 for 3 or similar. We drew by 97 runs which, if this were a straight overs format, would be a massacre any bit as humiliating as Custer’s last stand. But it isn’t and Knight, Bennett and Cheema amongst others can look back with some satisfaction on a job well done.

And, as Forrest Gump says, “that’s all I’m gonna say about that”. Scorecard League Table

Ask Wickman - Your letters answered

Wickman receives the following email:

Dear Wickman
I am still sick to the tits of having to pay Duck Tax this season. Do you have a photo that would cheer me up?

Wickman replies: I recently received this picture which I hope will help.

HWRCC 2xi vs Westfield 2xi - Match Report

HWRCC 2xi vs Westfield Saints (a)

HWRCC won the toss and inserted Westfield

Westfield 64 (Hill four for) HWRCC 65-1 (Gangoldy 37*, Wright 20ish*) HWRCC win by 9 wickets

Fudge*, Wright, Gangoldy, Doddy, Cameron, Clark+, Lofting, Marfleet, Soppitt, Noor, Hill

Wick w ash away Westfield

As soon as the skipper called correctly and Westfield had descended to 3-2, their skipper and best bat back in the hutch, it was clear that we wouldn’t get much cricket out of this game. On the back of a call off last weekend and hardly a game on tour, a few of the boys have forgotten what the game’s about. This one was wrapped up by 4pm – so early that the rather grumpy young lady who assembled the teas wasn’t actually at the ground to lay it out.

Westfield’s ground was sodden and the wicket was, although typical of this summer and something we are all getting used to, not ideal for cricket. John Hill, bowling up the slope and swinging the ball mainly away from the righthander, was simply too good in the conditions. Only some unfortunate fielding in the cordon prevented him from taking a well deserved Michelle after he had rattled the stumps a couple of times and we had seen Del take a simply stunning one handed catch running from mid off to take one behind the bowler.

Lofting, whose own bowling profits from harder, bouncier, tracks, was back to somewhere near his best despite this sludgy mess, tormenting Westfield’s left handed No 4 to distraction. That he assembled six runs was only down to the evil nature of the cordon who let a few between them to prolong his torture. Eventually it was too much for us to bear and Marfleet dived across Fudge to take a brilliant juggling one handed catch in the slips to put him out of his misery. Lofting also took the important wicket of skipper Bailey LBW to give Westfield little chance of posting a competitive score.

Westfield, it seems, have decided to go after funding for women’s cricket, now sporting two young ladies in the xi. This represents a 100 per cent increase on last year which shows something is going in the right direction for them. Both acquitted themselves reasonably well and played straighter that some of their male colleagues. However Billy, having experienced a week on tour with no cricket, was obviously an angry man and, bowling first change, bounced one of them out, the unfortunate recipient nicking it behind for Clark to take a simple catch.

This was not before Doddy had unfortunately obscured a run out from a brilliant stop and gather at point from Jack. Prone, Jack fired the ball in, Clark collected, the bails were removed with a theatrical flourish and the ‘keeper was cavorting and dancing like a Raptor in a nightclub before being informed that the even the Sun had been blotted out by Doddy’s harris. Doddy’s point that the umpire should have moved to get a better view of the action was well made, but the umpire would have needed to move to the 45 to see anything…

Once the partnership of the Westfield ladies was broken there was little left in terms of batting resources. The introduction of Soppitt and Marfleet quickly wrapped up the innings, between them they took 3 for 2 in three overs. Soppitt, in this extraordinary season has recorded another unbelievable analysis of 2-2. He can hardly fail to top the season’s averages on this form. Marfleet’s one over produced a tame prod back to him from a bat who had tried to hoist the majority of the first four balls into the neighbouring county. Some indecision there…

Sadly there’s not much more to record. Hill even managed to pick up a catch off Soppitt and with so few runs to chase, MOM was his. Fudgey and Wrighty opened the batting and for the unfortunate Fudge a duck ensued, bowled by the best ball of Habib’s spell. He was replaced by Gangoldy who was in better fettle than at Hambledon. Once he’d had a look he quickly assembled 37 not out to win the game in the 16th over.

Tea was the league’s best of the season so far. While not up to the almost impossibly high standards set at Hambledon earlier in the week, this was a belter. The usual sandwiches included excellent cheese and pickle, and the chef had used a variety of breads including a French country loaf for pate. A couple of years ago standards here were even higher. Wickman remembers some amazing cream and custard tarty things and sponge cake. Mild disappointment then, but still an excellent effort and the first league 8. If only standards had been so high on the field. The skipper awarded himself TFC for failing to get a hand on a number of slip catches and for playing over a Yorker. This saved the bacon of most of the batsmen who didn’t get a knock owing to the amoeba of an innings form Westfield.

Another 20 points, the most emphatic performance of the season and still top of the league by a comfortable margin going into the weekend off. Gangoldy looks much happier here...

Vive le Wick.

Tour Diary - Goldy is Lively

Sunday 2.00pm Club Day is reinstated in a restricted format as the Sun gets his batting helmet on and twenty or so cricket starved Wick men play a two innings “overs” game. Clarky is bowled first ball of the match to much amusement as he misses a Linter slower ball. Big, big sixes are hit. The club house roof is peppered, one of Cranesy’s goes through the roof of the club. Fudgey leathers one at the scorebox which is “still going up”. Matty D hoists one into the carpark and on to the roof of Cranesy’s mini – schoolboy error to park on that side of the car park? Someone else (Fudgey again?) collects the sober and unamused friend of Goldy’s who has parked next to Cranesy. Schoolgirl error… other mighty blows are struck by the usual suspects, Crane, Doddy, Matty etc etc. Even Leggsy gets runs for Hibby’s team. Fudgey’s team fails dismally to assemble a really taxing score in the first innings and trails by approximately 50 runs. A slightly better second innings gives Hibby’s team something to chase and Barrell amongst others gets on with it. They overhaul the total and everyone retires to the bar for some some pre-tour lash. Goldy has been very busy in front and behind the bar it seems. Tour, it is agreed, will be lively.

Quelle surprise - 2s washed out as Surrey floods

Once again the rain destroyed any chance of a particularly competitive match. With the water table high after torrential rain on Friday that saw much of Kingston submerged, the merest hint of rain was likely to call time on proceedings.

In the event a deluge just as the warm up had finished almost did for the game right there and then. Oh cruel fates. To feel again the sweat of warm up induced endeavour rather than the perspiration caused by cans at Cannes, to taste and savour the red leicester and onion of a DBW open sandwich rather than the oh so fussy Roquefort so beloved of the Provencale, and later to exchange pints of Morland for the demis of frothy French lager would have been as sweet as any honey had we also despatched Carshalton.

But, once we were able to get a game started at 3.45pm, the rain returned in ever increasing intensity. There was time for Forbesy to bat as classily as he did at Guildford and reach 43 not out. There was time to see MS, Coley, Marfleet and Clarky all attempt to get on with it and perish with a couple of them surprised to be fingered for LBWs they believed were high wide and handsome (but what bat walks for LBW?). And then it came down too hard to have any real prospect of getting a game finished at about 5.30pm just as The Wick needed to push on and set 130 for Carshalton to chase in 26.

Perhaps we could have got a result from the game - but bowling out any side in 26 overs is tough and it would have needed a spectacular collapse. Frankly this championship (five games to go for the twos) could well be decided by which side can get a full game and 20 points in, in between the bouts of weather that seem set to dog cricket lovers this summer. There doesn't seem to have been much cricket played in Div 2 Second xi this week with Guildford, Merrow and Lingfield missing out as Wickman writes, so no major upsets. But August 4th is the Wick's weekend off. What price a burning hot scorcher and 20 points for most of the chasing pack?

This championship, for all the bravado of a recent Wickman correspondent's view, is not all over. The destination of it is definitely in our hands because the Wick has the points on the board and leads the table by 31 points. But there is still plenty of time for a slip up or two. It's up to us to remain unbeaten this season. Let's hope we get five more chances to do just that.

HWRCC 2xi vs Merrow

Merrow 114-3 39 overs Rain 115-0 Sayce, Moore, Ewen, Crane, Wright, High, Clark*+, Goodwin, Noor, Hill, Lown

Rain wins by 10 wickets

Depressingly a game that was shaping up to its billing as a top of the table clash of the Titans was washed out at 4.30ish.

Merrow were inserted by the stand in skipper and HWRCC had largely pegged the opposition back with only Mead and an obdurate South African opener making much sense of the bowling before the rains came. Tight spells from Ted, Billy, Hilly and Lownsy (who bowled 11 off the reel) had made it difficult for all concerned. Merrow’s strategy – to sit in and see what they could get from 52 overs -looked like setting us a target in excess of 160 which might have been testing on a drying wicket.

However when the rain came it came in real torrents. So dark did it become that the trees in the park were no longer visible and within ten minutes there was so much standing water on the square (and in the hollows between the club house and square) that it did not take a genius (not that we had any) to see that the game had gone. At 6.20 when the optimists might have been prepared to have had 20 overs to chase the 114 at an unlikely 5.7 an over on something that would have been largely unplayable and with an outfield that would not have rewarded shots along the floor, the strip was still wetter than an Octopus’ front room.

So that was that. On balance 4 points suited neither side as Merrow failed to close the gap and The Wick failed to widen theirs to second and third place. Those who were picked for their batting spent one of those short afternoons in the field that leave one feeling slightly cheated, feeling slightly cheated. Like Cranesy for instance who took a blinding catch at short leg only to see the obdurate Jaapie stand his ground and the umpire (who had earlier thought that Tid was a new bowler mid spell so little attention was he paying) fail to spot the massive inside edge onto pad.

Next week we play Merstham at their place. The weather looks relatively calm at that end of the week so it will be time for The Wick to get back to winning ways if cricket is played. Our strong start to the season meant that we could afford to concede points to the weather this week and it doesn’t look as if any team will be closer than 18 points behind us going into game 8 of 16.

Wickman's Old Suttonians 2s Match Report

HWRCC 2xi vs Old Suttonians

HWRCC 181-9 (42.4 overs) Doc Greenwood 48

Old Sluts 78-10 (35.4 overs) Shaun Whinney 5-24

HWRCC won by 103 runs - League table

Moore, Sayce, Ewen, Crane, Lofting, Clark*+, Whinney, Noor, Greenwood, Hill, Lown

HWRCC beat conditions

A risky gamble paid off on Saturday as Doc Greenwood recorded his highest league score to dig stand in skipper Clarky out of a hole that was deepening by the minute. Choosing to bat on a soaking pitch to make the most of later bowling conditions, the Wick collapsed to 25-4 before partnerships between MS (26) and Clarky (23) and Shaun (17) and Doc (48) built a more than adequate total on a strip that became harder to bat on as the day wore on.

A deluge that was almost biblical in proportion arrived at 1.15pm, just as Clarky was looking out the opposition skipper, Wrankmore, to do some coin agitation. The toss was delayed while the rain came down and drenched everything. Clark decided that on balance – given the strength of the bowling attack – that he would prefer the Wick to bowl with a dry ball and the only way to have any chance of that was to bat first. It was also the only way that the game was going to get started if the home side took the obviously damp conditions on.

On winning the toss then, much to the opposition’s surprise, HWRCC batted. The decision began to look foolish as Moore edged behind to swell Duck Tax coffers, Sayce top edged a pull and was caught at fine leg and an uncharacteristically cautious Cranesy lobbed one to mid off, stopping his shot for the first time in living memory. When Ewen, who displayed much grit, was brilliantly caught at point / gully, the opposition could rightfully claim to be on top.

However – and perhaps Wickman will cause a heated debate – none of the wickets to fall thus far could be attributed to the state of the pitch. Granted it was not comfortable batting out there, but it was to be a whole lot worse for the opposition as the pitch dried and began to cut up rough like Staffordshire-Bull-Terrier-owning-hoodies in a North London housing estate. Lofting and Clark, while never well set, took advantage of some average bowling, both driving with some style once they had become used to the pace. Clark pulled one young tyro for a large six. Lofting smashed the ball back over another’s head repeatedly. And then a mini-disaster.

Lofting, turning for a second like a dog chasing its tail, pulled his hammy. Some comedy ensued as a bit of yes, no, yes, no “running” occurred in the middle of the pitch, but eventually everyone got home and the damage could be inspected. It was not good. MS retired to find some ice. Shaun joined Clarky and for a few overs they proceeded sedately to put up a decent score before Clark was totally undone by one that came back further than Hugh Grant did from career obscurity after he paid for a quick helmet shine in LA. At this point we were shy of a decent total with our batting either dead or wounded. Billy didn’t last long, spooning one back to the bowler, and in strode Doc.

Crumbs. Criminy. Yoinks. Lawks-a-mercy etc. This was boys own stuff reminiscent of a Victor comic or similar. Doc just biffed the ball all over the park. Clark, hoping to set 140, suddenly watched as the scoreboard revolved quicker than the reels on a fruit machine as Doc pulled and smashed his way towards what would have been a very well-deserved 50. His only blemish was to call Shaun through for a very tight single which Shaun failed to complete. Oh and skying one only for the bowler - too keen by half all day and not trusting his compatriots - to call for the catch and never get anyone near it despite at least two teammates being almost directly underneath it. After that, along with Hilly who made a muscular 10 not out, he completely dominated chasing 180 from 42 overs – the target set by a now rather cheerful Clarky. He eventually perished to his first miscue, caught form the shot that were it middled would have taken him to the magic number. It only remained for Lownsy to come to the wicket for the first time this season and play a very authentic sweep shot to bring up the 180 from 42.4. The declaration was made to preserve Dom’s average of infinity.

Ben Mellett for the opposition, a colt, was an impressive performer for Old Sluts. He will take the wickets of worse batsmen than Moore and Lofting in his career. Wellapilli used the conditions well also, making it difficult for the top order to score. Perhaps though, he could disguise his quicker ball slightly better. It wasn’t so much the signal at the beginning of the run as the doubling of run-up pace that gave it away...

Tea. 6/10. Same old.

If Old Sluts had been able to damage our top order with mostly on the spot sub-military-medium stuff, then it seemed self evident that Shaun and Muzzy – both a yard or two quicker and both much taller – would be very difficult to play on a what was now a quickly drying wicket.

In no time at all OS’s top order were back in the hutch, two caught behind (one off an impossible to deal with rearing ball from a good length from Shaun, the other playing an expansive drive from a super ball from Muzi). Then a fantastic moment. Crane, doing short leg, caught the dangerous Mellett Snr off the full face by staying low and demonstrating fantastic technique. 12-3 and the pitch looked lethal. It was a progression after that until Nichols and James shored things up.

Regular bowling changes followed to break up opposition rhythm and Doc and Lownsy both took wickets. Neither they nor Ewen could locate consistent length to make the bats play though and the skipper turned to Hill who rewarded him with the remarkable figures of 6-4-7-2. Considering that five came from one no ball this was fantastic bowling for the conditions. At the stumps, in-swinging Yorkers in the main, which did enough to break a stubborn eighth wicket partnership (Mellett B again displaying real fight with James), Hill was the pick of the change bowlers.

Shaun was brought back to finish things with overs running down and he removed Mellett B to end the match. This was not before some regrettable controversy occurred which had been brewing ever since Mellett Snr came out to umpire. A fellow that could start a fight, alone, in a phone box (see pic of Casa Mellett), he’d accused the Wick 1s, and Clark in particular, of cheating in the corresponding fixture last year. Knowing this, the Wick had been instructed not to talk to him at all when he batted and to keep as quiet as possible between deliveries as any incidental chat seemed to rile him. He batted reasonably well last year in a dogged rearguard and Clark wanted to ensure that he wasn’t wound up to do the same this time.

However this is the type that will come out to umpire in club games once he has no other role to play to make sure he’s still involved. It’s why you should always bring an umpire if you possibly can because they will probably not have two colt sons batting in the later overs and shouldn’t have an axe to grind. His petty involvement began by widing Dick unnecessarily. He then held back bowlers over fussily if anyone was talking as the bowler was reaching his mark. Here was a man seeking confrontation.

His opportunity eventually arose when Shaun unfortunately – as he had done a few times already to other bats – pitched one near his own toes and bounced it over the head of Mellett’s 13 year old son. It was unfortunate because the lad was not of great stature and this was a very difficult wicket now to keep the ball below bail height. Had we had Delboy in the side he would have been on at this point which would have taken all room for argument out. Unfortunately this short ball was delivered despite repeated and plaintive exhortations during the preceding twenty overs to all the Wick bowlers to try to pitch it up an extra yard to hit the stumps. There was no intent and everyone on the field knew it. Shaun himself was disappointed that he’d let such filth go and apologised immediately.

This prompted volleys of abuse from Mellett and threats to knock the bowler’s head off etc etc. At that point placatory words were said by the skipper to no avail as the tirade continued. Further attempts to pour oil on troubled waters failed between the overs as he then effectively accused the Wick of gamesmanship.

What an example to set the three Colts playing. One of them followed it and started dishing out verbals to the fielders, imagining that slights were being exchanged and this was the way to play cricket. Shamefully, not a single Old Sutt made the trip up the stairs to the bar for a pint afterwards and Mellett was the quickest out of the blocks since Ben Johnson won Gold in 6 or so seconds all those years ago and was surprised to find that he was more doped up on steroids than a champion bodybuilder. All pretty pathetic and frankly the victory was all the sweeter for it. Let us hope that the 2s can get out of this division so that we never have to play against this unfortunate again.

The game was played by all apart from him in good spirit and without edge until his interventions. But the 20 points fall to us on a weekend when Guildford City did us a favour and beat Merrow to leave us… 20 points ahead of the field. There’s a lot to be said for this victory. We won the game batting first on a difficult surface. We toughed it out to give ourselves the best of the conditions to bowl in. And we stuck to the task of winkling out a side that were never in the game and stopped going for it very early. And much better value for our match fees than doing it the other way around.

HWRCC 3RD X1 VS THAMES DITTON

Thames Ditton – 150 (50)

HWRCC – 151-9 (40)

Hampton Wick steal dramatic win under fading light….

The meaning of ‘Wick’?

Word reaches Wickman Junior of a conversation that took place between Clarky and Jimmy C outside a local establishment in Soho (not G.A.Y) before the first match of the season. With an unwelcome third party taking part in the convo, the talk invariably steered away from matters cricket – something that Jimmy C and Clarky cannot stand for. For them, if you can’t reminisce about Graeme Gooch (333 at the Oval – wikipedia it), Tubby Taylor or Steve Waugh (“wo wo wo, what is he good for?”) over a couple of cold brews, then you’re simply better off six feet under – FACT.

As luck would have it, and before having to conjure up cheeky excuses about needing to “get up early”, the pair managed to wrestle discussion back to cricket, and everything Wick. But an odd-ball question, posed by the third party about the Wick, was set to create confusion. The question went something like this:

Third Party (unwelcome): “You guys always go on about the Wick! What does it mean to be ‘wick’? How do you define something that is / isn’t wick?

Despite being able to speak so eloquently and definitively about cricket (Clarky…not Jimmy C) the pair, on this occasion, didn’t have an answer. Throwing out words like “indefinable”, the two were left completely jiggered. “What does it mean to be wick?” they pondered as they strolled home. It probably kept them up all night.

But after Saturday’s 3rd XI victory over Thames Ditton, Wickman Junior believes that Clarky and Jimmy C should now be closer than ever to answering this “controversial” question. Following one of the club’s greatest ever fight backs, the performance of young colt Junaid Iqbal just screamed “Wick” at every turn.

On a hot and muggy afternoon, the Wick went out to field against league side Ditton. Following some choice words from Lloydy (“I am a captain, but I’ll let you guys call the shots”), we set about tearing into their top order. With Junaid and “Direct” coming from both ends, their openers were quickly under pressure - Junaid bowling with tremendous accuracy and “Direct” sending down plenty of chin music. It was not long before the openers fell.

With Jimmy C and Alex coming in at first change, the boys kept the pressure up. As Jimmy C took out the off peg of two of Ditton’s top order (while also being dropped 4 times – thanks Doddy) and Alex swung the ball (Matty Hoggard style) to take another wicket, the visitors were soon in trouble at 6 for 60.

However with temperatures soaring, the Wick started to take their foot off the pedal. Sloppy fielding and Thames Ditton’s 8th wicket stand of 70, helped them to reach 150 at the tea break. With a weakened batting line up, the Wick felt that a great opportunity to win the match had been squandered.

With a required run rate of 3 runs an over, a good start was imperative. But this did not eventuate, as the reply started in the worst possible way. With their spinners opening from end, Doddy, Lloydy and Direct all went cheaply in the first few overs. And despite a couple of boundaries from Jimmy C and some resistance from Tommy Robinson, the Wick soon had their tail exposed. At 7/67, a comeback did not look likely.

But colt Junaid Iqbal, a “real thinker” according to Jimmy C, had other ideas. Knowing that there were plenty of overs to go, and with the weather still hot and sticky, he pushed the singles on offer and let the better balls to go through to the keeper. It was text book batting – just play each ball on its merits. Predictably, Thames Ditton became increasingly frustrated, and subsequently became tired and sloppy in the field. With the score now creeping up to 7 for 110, the belief that a result could be pulled off was growing, and so was the confidence the Wick’s batsmen.

At 7/130, the match was heading to a climax. But as the Wick lost 2 quick wickets with another 20 runs needed to win, it seemed like it had all been too little too late. However, as Iqbal kept Merwin protected at the non-strikers end (great understanding at Colt level - FACT), and with the two’s being picked off readily, the Wick needed just 4 runs to win the match. It would not be a lie to say that every run was cheered on by the entire squad, now standing on the edge of the boundary in anticipation.

Sensing a dramatic win, Iqbal was cool under the pressure (remember…he’s 13!!!). Letting a wide ball go through to the keeper, the Wick was overjoyed to see the keeper fluff at it. And as the ball went past fine leg and trickled over the boundary, bedlam erupted.

As Iqbal through his bat in the air, the boys charged onto the field for a massive embrace. Wickman Junior has never seen more high fives and [phrase edited out owing to unsuitability in a family publication] in his life. It was a jubilant moment for the boys – pure elation - FACT.

At this moment, everyone knew what it meant to be Wick. But just don’t expect anyone to give you an answer….

Yours in Wick,

Wickman Junior.

Voodoo hoodoo strikes skipper Fudge - alledgedly

Around theatre-land understudies spend time sticking pins in effigies of leading men and ladies hoping against hope that they will get their chance to shine. Ah the smell of the audience and the roar of the greasepaint! Today Wickman is asking some serious questions. Wickman hears that 2s skipper Fudgey is in a cast this Monday morning after a mishap during the game against Guildford. Using his plates to stop an off drive he's done something to his ankle which will necessitate him missing the Old Sutts game and potentially one of the bigger games of the season against Merrow. So what has Clarky been up to? A bit of the old voodoo? Clarky was unavailable for comment this morning but on calling his wife she asked if Wickman was coming round to collect the clay effigy of a Wick player with the knitting needle stuck in the ankle... Wickman thinks the weather might have a role to play this weekend and that any West Indian machinations and dabbling with the occult may be a waste of Clarky's time...

Collapso cricket sinks Guildford on cabbage patch

Guildford City vs HWRCC 2nd xi

Guildford won the toss and took to the field.

HWRCC 192-8 Sayce 50, Forbes 39, Soppitt 34

Guildford City 151 Soppitt 3-7, Ewen 3-36

Sayce, Lofting, Forbes, Fudge*, High, Clark+, Soppitt, Ewen, Greenwood, Hill, Lown

After every away game in the Fuller’s League this year the visitors are required to fill in a form. The form is an official record of the facilities visited. What happens with the data collected is not year clear. Perhaps, shortly, the Wick will receive a letter. It will tell us what we already know. That the outfield is a bit bumpy. That it keeps low at the Millennium Wood end. That deer dump on the grass. That we have excellent parking.

The forms marking Guildford City’s 2nd xi ground will be equally emphatic. Unfortunately the Old Guildfordians ground at which the 1s usually play was being used for a running event. All over Guildford slightly overweight females dressed in inappropriate lycra were dragging jiggly bits towards the ground, more in hope than expectation one surmised. Anyway, with the whole area under a sea of picnicking supporters and muffin tops, no cricket would be played there.

Which left your correspondent and his team mates to drive around Guildford, briefly stopping off to ask directions from a bemused Worplesdon and Burpham groundsman before arriving at something which resembled down town Bagdhad. Curated by Guildford Council this ground is a Barry Crocker bearing about as much resemblance to our own fecund pastures as, as Hamlet remarks of his dead father and his uncle, a Hyperion to a satyr. It was not the lush green meadow of the picture here...

Hyperion, Gentlemen, lest you forget, was one of the Titans. He was father to Helios, the Sun God. Shakespeare is suggesting that he was an all round good guy and someone to be looked up to. A satyr, on the other hand, is a grotesque creature, half-man and half-goat, symbolic of sexual promiscuity. A dirty sort of smelly thing, always rutting and probably, after rain, smelling rather grim. Shakespeare is not fond of satyrs. He is suggesting that a satyr is contemptible. The comparison, then, that he draws, is designed to tell us that the one is excellent, the other beneath contempt.

Which sounds harsh. But, like the Latvian Police, also fair. After a while the surroundings grow on you. But this is like the dangerous “office effect”. The office effect is a long observed phenomenon. It is where a perfectly ordinary member of the opposite sex joins a company and is immediately marked as a five of out of ten. Were the member a female she would be attractive, but largely unremarkable. Over time the individual’s personality, charisma and good eggness shine through and they unaccountably creep up to an unmerited eight out of ten. There is then a need for recalibration to bring people back to their senses because if a truly outstanding candidate were to join the company, with the scale so obviously out of whack there would be dangerous talk of tens or even, God forbid, elevens. And as everyone knows, there is no such thing as a ten out of ten.

Dear reader, I hope, despite these wanderings, that you are getting the picture. That, like a well directed telegram, the message has arrived. It was a stinker. The pitch was a patchwork of bare earth and closely mown tufts of grass. It was bereft of sightscreens. At one end we were lucky to have a half white mock something or other house behind the arm. At the other there was a children’s playground, and, gloriously, a dark red van belonging to Her Maj’s postal service. You couldn’t make it up. The pav was functional shall we say. There was no parking. All day dangerous looking locals walked dangerous looking dogs round the outfield. After Lingfield’s showers which, on weekends during the winter, might spit out icicles, Guildford’s were hot enough to cook lobsters humanely.

The pitch would play a decisive role in the game. Like an allrounder who boshes a quick fifty, pouches a couple of catches and takes four for, it was always involved. Whether producing a scuttler to bowl their unlucky opener for 49 before he took the game from us or in producing prodigious turn for their skipper’s offies or in putting doubt in the minds of nervous chasing batters it got involved in a big way. Every time you thought it had finished contributing it would stick its hand up or go through its bowling warm up motions in an exaggerated fashion to let you know it was there. Only seven batsmen made double figures.

Hmm. That’s almost 800 words without actually mentioning the game. Perhaps I had better get on with it. Fudgey lost the toss and, like Cilla Black belting out a catchphrase (Surprise, Surprise!) with the audience assisting, we were inserted. We were asked to watch Paul Sayce, on debut, and MS, bat. While MS looked untroubled he perished by edging one onto his stumps without playing as he has been known to. Forbes joined Sayce in the middle and a strange sense of calm descended on your humble scribe. As these two bats caressed and creamed the ball around the park it was very pleasant to be wearing the Dove, the Magenta and the Black. Class. Real class. Nothing belted, nothing smacked, nothing muscled all a joy to watch. Oh the off drives. Oh the glances. Oh oh oh oh oh. They put on almost 100 for the second wicket. Really, really good. Sayce perished eventually for 50, Forbes for 39. Both deserved more.

When Forbes played on too, echoing Lofting’s dismissal, Fudge, then High, then Clark displayed more lower order talent than middle order, collapsing, as they did, like the Hindenburg or R101 but without the loss of life. They went down in flames. Between them they managed to contribute 23 runs to the cause. It was left to Soppitt, once again, to mix aggressive shot making and aggressive running, to build us a defensible total. His 34 runs were invaluable. Doc swung baseball style at a couple to entertain us late on (loud Mooooooos were heard from the sidelines) and we took tea having declared on a useful (if slightly worrying) 191 from 50 overs.

And so to tea. Lloyd Grossman, that excitable foodie, would have struggled to find something to extend his vowels and consonants about. Welllllllllllllllll. Whooooooooooo’s in the kidchin todaaaayyy? There were no truly exciting ingredients. Lloyd gets excited by unusual ingredients. Ohhh. Kohlraaaaaaaabi. Mmmmmmm yesssss gooooooooooseberry. Fresh mushrooooooooooooms. Nope, there was nothing like this. Oh for a DBW tea. And it’s not often you see me write THAT! 6. No more, no less. 6. A D at A level. A pass, but not something you are going to rush home and tell your Mum and Dad about.

Guidlford were to be allowed 45 overs to overhaul us. And the way they set about the target it looked as if they intended to do it in 35 and get off home to watch some light entertainment on the box. My oh my did they play and miss to begin with. Goodness gracious did they try to leather the ball through mid off and miss. Crikey O’Reilly did they hit the ball hard when they connected. They put on lots for the first wicket. 70-ish. When four balls were bowled they despatched them. They could have charged postage and we wouldn’t have blinked. It was good batting. Clark grassed the only chance standing up to Krusty – a thickish edge that didn’t stick and looped to the floor. For a while it looked expensive.

While John Hill and Krusty bowled well, they will not come up against batting of this calibre every week. They will get away with more than they did another day. Ditto MS – who took the first wicket – the first of four great catches pouched by The Wick. Driving uppishly the very good Mohammed hit one towards Soppitt who managed to dive forwards and scoop one up inches from the turf at mid off before hanging on to it and doing a number of forward rolls. Genius and just the breakthrough we needed. Iqbal then smashed MS out of the attack – two huge consecutive sixes disappearing in the arc between long on and the stumps. He looked set to score big and take the game away from us.

With GCCC’s excitable wicket keeper at the other end things looked grim. GCCC passed 100 with only one wicket down. But the team hung in and an outrageous scuttler turned the tide to the Wick. Ewen, who had begun to get inside the head of both bats pitched one on a good length which pea-rolled. If it hadn’t crept through to bowl the bat, it would have been difficult to refuse as an LBW (note: none were given on Saturday despite some double and treble appealing by their keeper). The pitch helped us out – they must have been cursing the Council for putting them up on this rubbish.

All of a sudden things didn’t look quite so clever for GCCC. There was a sniff of fear about them. Early on, when the ball was disappearing to the boundary, there was some VERY cocky spectating going on. You would have thought they were 200-2 rather than 100-1. But now? Silence. Eerie. A very nervy looking No 4 came to the wicket. Scratched around and hoisted one of Ewen’s dobbers over Del’s shoulder. He pouched a second, excellent, catch. Quack. Mahmood, who had, as they say, given it the Barry McGuigan when we batted proceeded to let his team down by missing a straight one from Doc. Quack. Doc bowled excellently all day to return figures of 9-4-24-1. Control. Aggression. Subtle away swing. Really good.

The ‘keeper seemed to be Guildford’s last hope as panic set in. We mentioned this to him. Dick mentioned to him that his crossbatted style was unsuitable for the conditions. He ignored us (although clearly riled) and crossbatted a number of fours and a six. He seemed very pleased with himself. Right up until he slap / pulled the excellent Soppitt at shoulder height two yards to John Hill’s left. Hilly threw himself at the ball and held on to a quite stunning effort to remove him. And with his dismissal went all GCCC’s swagger and self belief. Rehman smacked one back at Dick who clung on to a one handed c&b. The skipper missed one from Del. Hussain was caught by Dom at full stretch over his head (goodness there was some fine catching) from another fine Del- ivery (see what I did there?). Aktar – not looking particularly proficient with the bat – called through his sluggish batting partner for a sharp single to Sayce. Saycey was having none of it and ran him out by so far that he wasn’t in the frame. Quack. A young player who hadn’t taken much part in the game then received the ball of the day from Lown who moved one away off the pitch to knock over the off stump. Quack. We had taken 9 wickets for approximately 40.

What a win! What a great game of cricket! To be so far behind the game and come back so emphatically. To stick at it and hang in there in the field when your cricketing brain said GCCC had it in the bag. Another win batting first. There cannot be enough superlatives to describe Del’s performance. 34 valuable runs to boost a meagre total. 4-1-7-3 with the ball. Two catches that turned the game around. He deservedly walks away with MOM. No TFC for this game as everyone turned up, everyone contributed something, everyone was part of a truly excellent team performance. Well done boys – it was an important one with others near the top of the table all winning. Let’s keep this level of performance going through June…

Quiz Night

If you didn't make it to quiz night a week or so ago you missed a cracking evening. Del, Fudgey, Mackie and Tommy D combined with their better halfs to take the spoils. Hibby - pictured here in an outrageous waistcoat - played to Del's strong point with a round on cockernee rhyming slang although quite where he got some of his definitions from is open to some conjecture.

Goldy is pictured here trying to drag his team back into the contest with a valiant apple bobbing attempt and assembled Wick members and guests are pictured in the "Wickton Factor" round wearing as much cricket gear as they could find in 5 minutes. A cracking evening.

Many thanks to Dom, Tun-Up, Northern Nick D, Hibby and Clarky for organising and cooking. Look out for the next social at the end of June.

Match Report - 2ndxi vs Lingfield - by Clarky

Lingfield cc 2xi vs HWRCC 2nd xi

Lofting, Goldyou’reindestructible, Fudge*, Mackie (triggered), Clark+, Taylorson, Doddy, Soppitt, Nicholas, Laight, Lown

HWRCC 191-7 (50 overs) Fudge 41, Clark 38, Del Boy (36*)

Lingfield cc 124 all out (32.4) Krusty 5-42

Hampton Wick win by a nose as Lingfield turn up to the races

A different class of opposition pushed an eventually victorious Wick 2s hard this week. We had been reduced to 43-3 after 17 overs on a Victoria sponge of a wicket which was damper than Lindsey Lohan’s Jack and Danny. A partnership of 53 between Fudgey (41) and Clarky (38) rebuilt the innings before an 8th wicket unbroken partnership of 66 between Del Boy (36*) and Del Boy Direct (19*) gave us maximum batting points and enough runs to attack Lingfield. Lownsy took a well deserved Michelle and the points were ours. This was gritty, backs to the wall, stuff, and HWRCC justifiably retain their spot at the top of the league this morning.

It's a tribute to the strength of the club that we made four changes to the 11 this week - Debuts in the league for Nick Doddy and Derek Nicholas - and still came away with all 20.

Lingfield play at an ugly ground shared with a football club. The pavillion looks like a Nissen Hut and hides a scruffy interior and a particularly gruesome set of the coldest showers ever. The outfield was spoiled by big brown patches of bare earth where footballers had plied their trade over the winter. New nets aside Lingfield looks like a club that’s “rebuilding”.

They put out what looked like a very young, but talented, team. They looked good in the field pouncing on anything and whizzing the ball around – although perhaps they were short a bowler – and grounding three absolutely vital catches let down what was an impressive performance. Certainly it was difficult to pierce the ring early on as the pitch played very slowly and they took the pace off the ball to some effect.The first of the catches grassed reprieved Clarky when he had reached only 8. This cost them 30 runs. They later put down both Dels which cost them the 70 runs that pushed us to safety. Catches can win matches and putting them down yesterday cost Lingfield 20 points because their batting was good enough to overhaul a smaller total.

Lingfield won the toss and inserted. What a surprise... After Goldy and MS had watchfully established a base, their wickets fell quickly. They were joined by the unlucky Mackie who was adjudicated caught behind for 0 (quack) off thin air. Fudgey and Clarky then set themselves to bat time and mixed aggression against the short ball and bad ball with resolute defence. It wasn’t pretty – Clarky squirted nearly every run he made between 10 and 20 through first slip – and not off an open face – but it was effective. Some satisfying pull shots and hooks from both bats were emphatic. A cover drive from Clark was applauded. However neither went on and capitalised on the starts they had made on a pitch that was difficult to get “in” on.

A mini collapse saw us subside from 103-3 to 125-7. Doddy was particularly unlucky – beginning to play his muscular brand of cricket he was given out in one of Frank’s bolder leg before decisions which looked to most observers (including the opposition) to be sliding down leg like an attack of Delhi belly on a hiking holiday. We were in a bit of trouble at this point. One batting point in the bag was hardly the sort of haul we were looking for and 125 was not enough. Things looked worse as the two Dels found things difficult. The crucial drops intervened though and both got on with some positive batting. Lingfield ran out of bowling and suddenly the game changed. The unlucky Michael suddenly conceded 21 in three overs and a new bowler Powell had a Barry Crocker, leaking 36 in three including 16 off the last as Del went aerial. The skipper was happy to declare on 191 after 50, giving us 45 in reply.

Tea was not bad at all. Pickled onions were good news. Proper sizes mugs of tea. Those jam tart thingies. Lots of cakey things. Just half a point off DBW on mid season form. 6.5 out of ten.

However things took a poor turn at this point as oppo player Michael realised that his car had been stolen by thieving pikeys and we realised that MS had only escaped the same fate because he’d parked in full view of the pitch. A number of the boys lost keys and shrapnel – a useful if annoying reminder to put EVERYTHING in the valuables bag. The Police, of course, didn’t turn up – why bother? – and the oppo lost one player who was forced to go to the station to deal with them. It left a sour taste and ruined MS’s evening as he couldn’t leave the car for fear the thieves would return to drive it away.

Back on the pitch Lingfield made a good start, punishing anything short. Boundaries flowed. Game on. However Lownsy was in inspired form. The hot conditions assisted his prodigious inswing and the spongey deck made him pitch it up (they were good enough to pull and cut anything short). The dangerous looking Batty slapped a fuller ball to Mackie at point who clung on to a difficult chance. The other opener, Gradon, missed a yorker that swung prodigiously to bowl him through the gate (top bowling). The number 4, who looked like Andrew Symonds when he was growing his hair, mysteriously padded up to one that would have missed leg and off but not middle and we had them 29 for three from 23 for none.

A partnership developed between the useful looking Driscoll (useful looking apart from the cubic zirconium earring) and ‘keeper Gammon. But Krusty bowled the ball of the day – seaming away off the pitch to smash back the off stump – to rid us of Driscoll and MS bagged an LB to get rid of No 6. Del then threw up 5 overs of hand grenades to take 2 for 10 in combination with Clark behind the stumps. It remained for Kirky to take 1-12 and for Lownsy to finish the game with a final LBW, the unfortunate Michaels still dealing with Plod and unable to bat.

And that was that. Krusty’s impressive season with the ball continues unabated. He's currently averaging 7.5 in league cricket. Del (whose average is better than Lownsy's but doesn't yet qualify due to not taking quite enough wickets) backed up his all-rounder tag with runs this week – at the perfect pace and time – and got his name on the sixes league board too. Good runs for Fudgey and Clarky – neither of whom contributed much the previous week - showed that all the bats are more than capable of delivering at this level – even on a soft deck that was not easy to bat on. We should spare a word for opposition skipper Daw, who bowled 15 overs off the reel, cleverly taking the pace off, and deserved more than the wicket of MS to show for it.

Lownsy deservedly picked up MOM for his 5 for 42.

Good game Lingfield. Enjoyed it. Good luck with the rest of your first season in the Fullers.