2s vs Old Emms - or how AJ stitched us up

HWRCC 2xi vs Old Emmanual 1xi (enough said).

OE 256-4 (40 overs) No 4 100*

HWRCC 140ish – 8 (40 overs) Hibberd 33

HWRCC: A Moore, P Hibberd, D Fudge, N Clark +, C High, B Daly, D Soppitt, J Cameron, T Donnelly, D Lown, M Noor

The most important call on Saturday for the 2s was not that made at the toss by the opposition captain but the one made by Alexander George Edward Jackson when booking the fixture. Your correspondent imagines it thus:

OE Fixtures Sec Telephone: Ring ring, ringety-ring (repeat x 4) AGEJ: Lazy sold answer the phone, answer the phone OEFS: Hello, you are through to John Doe Plastics, how can I help you? AGEJ: You the fixtures sec for OEs then buddy? OEFS: Er, ah ha, yes, at work you know, got to pretend. AGEJ: Yeah me too, my boss doesn’t mind though he plays down at the club. OEFS: Lucky. Talk much cricket in the office does he? AGEJ: Yeah mate, but he’s got a rubbish imaginary square cut. ATS. FACT. Right, let’s do some business. OEFS: What have you got mate? AGEJ: Cheeky pre-season date. Looking at the 28th April. OEFS: Good stuff – I can give you our 1s. 2nd Div, Surrey Champ, job done. AGEJ: *hesitates for a microsecond before imagining his fixtures card full up* Yeah we’ll have some of that our ahem 1s will be up for that, don’t you worry, they got promoted last year and everything. OEFS: Cheers old chum. Do you play 1s then? AGEJ: Erm yes, but I will be visiting my dear old Granny that day so I won’t see you. OEFS: Toodle pip then. AGEJ: All the best phone put down hee hee hee no one will know…

And Mr Jackson was right. We didn’t know. Right up until we’d bowled about 6 overs at them and realised that both of their openers were capable of absolutely timing the leather off the ball and could look largely unconcerned when faced with some banana-like swing and raw pace from Muzzybilly and some impressively gun-barrel straight stuff from Tommy D.

The message came through loud and clear when, having finally taken a couple of wickets (Muzzy uprooting one’s leg stump with a bigggggg in-ducker and Thatsamooray taking a blinder at ankle height in the gully off Tommy D), we got to look at numbers 3 and 4. We spent some time looking at both as they went about their business. No 4 eventually assembled a fine-looking century in fact, giving only a quarter chance early on when he edged a full toss hard and fast to second slip. You might call it a half chance at test level, but to pluck this would have installed the unfortunate recipient in Wick folklore. That was not to be.

A couple of other things became apparent.

Fielding on this outfield is going to require some guts and bravery until it can be mown and it recovers from winter use as grazing for sundry deer and football prac. Right now it’s hard work. Clarky, forced into a number of last gasp leg side Peter-The-Cat- Bonnetti-type interceptions early on was much chagrined by a number of balls that pea-rolled after pitching for a second time and made him look much older and less adept than usual. Others watched the ball zig-zag past them. Still others watched it hop over their hands or fail to take an expected bounce. For a while we were truly pummelled as the ball disappeared time after time. My advice? Long barriers and to note that the 2s are now playing away from home (in the cricketing sense) until May 19th.

This particular strip has lost some oomph over the winter. The ball tends to keep low when delivered from the Kingston end. A number of our bats were to be undone failing to get forward later on and it was difficult to get the ball away all day.

Dominic Lown was to profit from the bounce to get rid of their very handy looking number 3. A right hander who looked to have the class of an overseas player, had looked very accomplished and played some beautiful straight drives before chasing a wide one that kept low, and feathering it into Clark’s gloves. At the other end the No 4, left-handed Jaapie, continued to put the ball in all the right places.

Derek Del-Boy Soppitt was perhaps the only bowler to come close to containing him and used flight and guile to keep him subdued and delay his century until the 40th over. In the meantime Del tempted the No 5 to hoist him to a nonchalant Hibberd at long on (one of those classic Hibberd will he bother to catch it ah yes he’s got it specials). Clark told the No 4 as the ball hung for ever in the sky “that’s out that is” and it was.

Jimmy C and Tommy D bowled the death overs, Jimmy bowling No 6 with a shooter that wouldn’t have looked out of place in the hands of John Wayne and between times Fudge and Hibberd turned their arms over, but in the face of withering batting from No 4.

And so to tea. Fruit salad in evidence. Egg sandwiches as per. A good sense of vinegar in the tuna numbers. Encouraging start to the season etc etc as this is a friendly, no points will be awarded.

Our reply began at 4 an over and it looked as if OEs had not brought with them their usual opening attack. And frankly, given that they are a number of divisions above us, we were playing some of their 1s it’s probably a good job too. Hibberd continued to display good early season form, racing to 33 with one or two finely timed shots while Mooray looked less comfortable in his first trot of the season.

The ball, unchanged from the first innings, began to lose whatever shine it had and the phrase “that one kept low” was much in evidence. Hibberd and Moore both perished bowled by their No 3 in quick succession, who, it transpired, bowled leg spin in the style of Anil Kumble (ie much skid and just a hint of turn). This introduced Fudge and Clark to the wicket with 7 an over needed from 30.

Now I am not saying that 7 an over was an impossibility against this attack but it seemed an unlikely mountain to climb. Not Everest, or K2 even, more, perhaps, a Killimanjaro. Something that, with things in your favour, and some preparation, you could walk to the top of without too much bother. However, the pitch was not in our favour. I thought the opposition were calling it a cabbage patch at one point, but deduced that they were referring to a rather round faced young man who resembled the dolls of the same name. At least I think I have got that right. Accurate seam-up from the Kingston end did, eventually, for Fudge attempting to guide one too many to the midwicket fence, Tommy D feeling unable to deny the bowler given that the skipper hadn’t got forward. Clark was finding it difficult to locate the middle of the bat and was scraping 1s and 2s together in place of a decent innings.

Charles High esq visited the wicket briefly and took up where he left off last year, hitting the ball as hard as he could, quickly racing to double figures, often with assistance from the fielding side. Perhaps together High and Clark could have made more of a game of it as Clark found his feet in the middle but another failure to get forward at the Mill Wood end did for High (LBW to Mooray) and Clark, having located the boundary from some “we’d like to keep you interested so we’re going to toss some up” bowling perished at mid on for 25. Not before, mind you, setting himself to play a back foot pull shot (anticipating something about knee high) and having to play a hockey-style slap to keep a pea-roller out.

Some circumspect batting from Ben Daly and Jimmy C (work in the front room of his Clapham flat has ensured a more correct style than that evidenced over the winter) ensured we did not capitulate tamely and Del and Tommy D, in contrasting styles, brought the total to some respectability. Jimmy and Muzzy lasted out the final few overs of “right you have a go” bowling and handshakes were exchanged.

Some lessons were learned. Until the outfield clears up, bravery may just determine who wins games. Captains will choose which bowlers to use at which end to take account of the bounce. And we must all play much straighter and on the front foot for the moment. Despite a sound thumping in this encounter, spirit remained constant and it’s interesting to note that despite some dodgy ground fielding, what chances came our way were accepted.

With the xbats playing at home on Saturday, work being done on the benches and elsewhere, with a social in the evening (I can report that the London Pride was at a good temperature – I kept going back to check all night) and non-playing members in evidence it was an encouraging start to the season. Now it only remains to make sure that AGE Jackson esq hasn’t stitched up any more sides. The relative safety of league fixtures aside, look out anyone playing Wednesday, Sunday or 3s…