Punter Ponting's Poker Face

Wickman would love to play poker against Ricky Ponting. Take yourselves back to the Ashes series at Old Trafford when Punter gloved one down the leg side and exposed Australia to a nerve-shattering final 24 balls with Glenn Pigeonshouldbeduck McGrath at the wicket.

As he stood there waiting for the umpire's finger to go up (he was a guilty as a puppy next to a pile of poo) he started gulping. It was like he was Gollum from the Hobbit trying to swallow a live fish whole. If you are English or Welsh you will recognise that moment. It was pure despair. It was good. It was only a shame, frankly, taht we didn't win the game. He would have looked like a science lab peristalysis experiment.

Wickman had forgotten how much pleasure that could give until he saw old Punter swallowing harder than a whore with a blow job specialism trying to service a centre of town Saturday night taxi queue in record time (get that for a simile) as Zimbabwe scored the winning runs yesterday. Wow. It was like watching Deep Throat. Not that Wickman's seen it. Oh no.

Let's hope we see it tomorrow... or next time Wickman is having a poker evening. So Punter, that card on the river, perfect was it? (Watches Punter gulping like a performing seal in a fishmonger's store cupboard) All in then I think...