3rds vs Crossbats.... Match Rep by Wickman Jr

HWRCC 3RD XI vs CROSSBATS

TEAM – Lloydy (c), Jimmy C, Taylorson, Conner, Doddy, Sayce, Iqbal, Tommy, Kirky, Derrick.

HWRCC finish on 8-130; Paul “strokemaker” Sayce making a majestic 65 and Taylorson a cheeky 20.

CROSSBATS finish with 4-134, winning by 6 wickets.

Please welcome back into the fold….Ashley Giles

Hampton Wick Royal Cricket Club, Bushey Park, Hampton Wick, has been the setting for many special occasions over the last hundred odd years. It was the venue for the Queen’s first outdoor sojourn amongst the common folk (you might have to check that on wikipedia – Wickman Junior doesn’t have time for these trivialities), the place where actress Kierra Knightly turned up for a few cheeky beverages (and had her cheeks tested, if you take Joey’s word as read), and the first official sighting of Wickman, still revered as the doyen of the club. Jimmy C disputes this though…. “who is Wickman?”

But all of these events, while significant in the Club’s history, pale in comparison to what can only be described as the most surreal day ever witnessed at The Wick. For May 26th 2007 was the day that Mrs Cricket himself, Ashley Giles MBE (or OBE…again Wikipedia it), made a triumphant return to the game playing for the Crossbats. It was a privilege to say that we were there to witness such an august occasion.

Despite the doubts of HWRCC’s 3rd XI about the veracity of Ashley Giles’ appearance for the Crossbats, new captain “Lloydy” (“do you want me to tell you my average again?”) decided to get down to business and ignore the naysayers. Heading out to bat on a newly trimmed and refurbished outfield (Many thanks to Fudgey for taking heed of Wickman Junior’s comments on these pages last week), the Wick set about posting a solid total.

Led by the masterful Paul Sayce (“are you AJ in disguise?”) and “Direct” Derrick, we looked totally at ease with the opening bowlers. Pushing boundaries and singles at ease, the opening pair had already racked up 20 odd by the time Derrick (“the weather in this country is toilet – FACT”), got an unlucky top edge and was sent packing. And despite Doddy (“just back from Vegas”) and Lloydy going cheaply, we were still confident of posting a score.

But Ashley Giles didn’t just pick Hampton Wick for a “light-hearted” return to the game, and just be “a part” of the action. Not on your nelson. As Jimmy C strode purposely out to the wicket (despite recent knocks), “Gilo” had already found our weakness, and the game was as good as over as a contest. As Sayce skied another hook shot to the boundary, “Gilo” - just like he did from Ponting in the Second Ashes Test in Adelaide last year – dropped a sitter. It was just the spur the Crossbats needed.

With their Captain sighting this typical “Gilo” ineptitude on the boundary, Ashley was brought on to bowl his usual left arm pies. Game over. Whether it was divine intervention or the kinship of all living things “Gilo”, like the master he is, tore through Jimmy C and the remaining batsmen – despite the brief resistance of Taylorson and Robinson. Managing only 130, the Wick had succumbed to Mrs Cricket. Welcome back to the game mate.

After a lovely tea interval and a few encouraging words from Clarky - “130 is defendable – FACT” – we took to the field. With one player short, Lloydy deputizing behind the stumps, and the rain becoming stronger, we were up against it from the get-go. “Gilo”, spurred on by Jimmy C’s taunts at first slip, punished our openers all over the park. Jimmy C is developing a reputation for stupid sledging (note: how long can you go before the saying “that’s probing Iqbal…good stuff” gets overused?)

“Direct” and “Iqbal”, although talented bowlers, could not match the quality of “Gilo” – it was a harsh but important lesson for the Wick. The pundits often say that “form is temporary and class is forever” and Gilo, the best thing to happen to cricket since Mark Ealham rolled his arm over, fits this description to a T.

Despite a few late wickets and a great catch by Jimmy C (the ball was a sponge at this point – FACT), the Crossbats coasted to victory. As “Gilo” walked off with bat in hand, acknowledging the crowd, Wickman Junior shed a cheeky tear. I have never considered “turning” for anyone in my life, but at 6.00 pm on May 26th 2007, it could easily have happened.

Best of luck for the future “Gilo”, and welcome back!

Wickman Junior

Match Report - 3rdxi vs SR&K - by Wickman Junior

HWRCC 3rd XI v Southern Railway & Kenley 3rd XI (h) – Match Report

Team - Ewen R ©, Risman, Clough, Cameron, Wright, Hirsch, Lloyd, Copeland +, Iqbal, Nicholas, Walters, Moss.

SRK all out for 71, with Derek “You wouldn’t get pitches like this in South Africa” Nicholas taking 6 for very little. Jimmy C, Alex, Dick and Conner all sneaking a cheeky wicket each.

HWRCC 72-4; Lloydy not-out 37.

HWRCC cruises to comfortable victory as boys become men.

It’s not everyday you get to pit your cricketing prowess against Mike Tyson, George Foreman, and the three pesky kids from the Goonies, but Saturday May 20th was just such an occasion for HWRCC’s 3rd XI. To say that recently self-anointed Wickman junior (who still wonders who his father Wickman really is) has never seen anything like it before, would be akin to the reaction of Pete Townsend’s girlfriend on discovering the “pictures” folder of his PC.

While clearly not in Las Vegas on fight night Team Wick, led by Captain Dick were just as prepared as said fighters in boxing’s halcyon era, many of them having attended Fudgey’s 2s warm up and had a cheeky net. Having recovered from the initial shock of seeing the opposition, The Wick headed out onto the field (read: Hill) to bowl. With the outfield looking in need of a trim and some drastic rebalancing (for future reference, a pitch on a 45 degree angle means that it has “character” according to AJ),The Wick set about the task of tearing into the openers. Led by Derrick “I should be in the twos” Nicholas and Iqbal, the openers couldn’t buy a run.

With The Wick clearly on top in the field, Jimmy C decided to question the skipper's tactics in an unprecedented outburst. Cried Jimmy: “Why the #@% am I fielding here! We’re playing on a hill!

While Jimmy C and Dick exchanged verbals (think Ponting responding to big Dunc Fletch after being run out in Ashes ‘05), Derrick did not bat an eye lid. Taking 6 wickets in a blistering opening spell, we were soon into the tail.

It was at this point that the game ended as contest, if it hadn’t already. Out walked to the crease two pads and a helmet wearing what appeared to be an 11 year-old. Barely moving because of the weight of said gear, the young fella could only face a few deliveries before Derrick took out his middle peg.

With two further kids succumbing to Alex and Jimmy C, SRK ended on a difficult to defend 71 runs.

With a small target to chase, Wickman Junior could only see a comfortable win for HWRCC being the result. However, this confidence was ill-judged, as a nervy start of “hit or get out cricket” (right from the book of Shahid Afridi) left Wick on 11-3. The tea interval came at a welcome time for the boys.

After the tea break, Lloydy and Alex played watchfully to their opening bowlers (read: only bowlers) and only went after the loose deliveries. Lloydy batted like a younger version of Greame Hick and with the assistance of Alex, guided the 3s home to a comfortable victory.

Jimmy C later commented on the farcical ending, which saw one of the little blokes getting whacked for two fours in a row by Lloydy, as a “dark day for English cricket”. But then Jimmy C is a bit lively…

After the game, the opposition was invited for a couple of swift brews at Wick HQ. Sadly, given that it is illegal to sell booze to minors, this was unfortunately neither possible nor wise.

Yours in Wick,

Wickman Junior