West Indies. This summer’s Bangladesh?

Wickman’s first ever trip to Lords was undertaken to watch the Windies. It was a one day game in the early 90s Wickman thinks. Those were the days when you could still work yourself up into a frenzy at the thought of watching Calypso batting by the Windies and Collapso batting by our lot in the face of giant psychopaths trying to commit legalised GBH. We’d even taken to trying to find our own ersatz versions of West Indian bowlers – I think we were trying out Sid Lawrence that day. Time was you’d have given the West Indies a five test series in high summer culminating in a pulsating Oval Test where four or five snarling fast bowlers would attempt to knock honky heads off in front of 25000 adoring fans. Packed houses would fashion percussion instruments out of cans, bottles, stones or anything they could lay their hands on and the volume level would be extraordinary as some lethal fast bowler or other would sprint in to the wicket and deliver leather and cork at English throats. Someone would ruin England’s summer every time without fail. Avoiding a blackwash became noteworthy. Michael Holding. Joel Garner. Malcolm Marshall. Curtley Ambrose. Just the sight of them would have English bats hanging out the willow to dry. Going abroad didn’t help. Someone would take you for a world record with the bat, or someone else would spread your nose across your face for you. Now? Nothing worth watching is there? Stick ‘em in the calendar in May and June. Only give them four tests. Can’t sell five. None of the games will go the full five days without the weather intervening anyway. Seems a bit harsh does it? Not really. The best we have on offer is Gayle, Sarwan and Chanderpaul. Hardly great names to inspire in the tradition of the Carrib greats… and don’t get Wickman started on the bowlers because he hasn’t got a clue who they are. The 6 foot something giants of yesteryear are off playing basketball and have been replaced by 5 11 pop guns with Napoleon syndrome. There’s more menace in the commentary teams… Contacts permitting Wickman will still be at Lords on the Friday, no doubt full of champagne and pricey lager by lunchtime, replete by mid afternoon with M&S meats and desperately trying to soak it all up with tea cakes in the afternoon to avoid being hungover for Wick cricket the following day. But this time he’ll be going to watch the English.