Cricket Australia PR Lessons

The last couple of days have been a bit of a disaster for the Cricket Orstralia public relations machine. Normally a well oiled operation that exists to crush the joy for Englishmen out of the build up to a series in Oz, this time they are in the middle of giving England a 13th man. The media.

But they aren't being helped by the Aussie selectors, let's face it.

For some reason which has escaped Wickman (something to do with sponsorship no doubt) CA decided to announce their team for the Ashes the best part of a week earlier than usual. Fanfare was planned. Couple of sangers on the barbie outside the Opera House in Sydney.

Anyone in PR will tell you that you can't control the weather for these things so it's not their fault that it pissed down with rain and the public stayed away in droves.

But they can and should have been able to control the media message and push the selectors to man up and take some decisions. But what they put out was in Lord Sugar language a shaaammmbles.

The timing of the announcement went against them. With Katich and Bollinger coming back from injury, they needed an extra week to see if they were fit. Which they should have insisted on rather than come out with a statement to please the sponsors. Because who is cover for Katich? Ferguson or Khawaja? Neither is a specialist opener. Wickman thinks Siddle is cover for Bollinger? No one has really explained.

And why are there three spinners in the squad at this late stage? There's some talk they might not play any in this game. A week out have they really not decided whether it will be wrist or finger? And if it's finger, left or right arm?

With Hussey batting as if holding a stick of rhubarb while facing Shoaib Akthar on a green top they needed batting cover.

The whole thing smacks of desperation and amateurishness. It's almost as if they are hoping that 12 of the 17 put their hands up this weekend and make a statement of intent. Erm... but not all of them are actually playing as some of the bowlers are being rested.

Oh. And the two standing by as batting cover were totally stitched up by the selectors and the fixture card. Sending them out to bat against an England attack in overcast, damp and green conditions in Hobart. Looks like Tremlett and Shezad have probably bowled Mr Cricket back into the 11...

While all this is going on of course the public relations guys have also been rolling the squad members out to the media. Back in the day (1995-2007 appx) they'd roll out Waugh, McGrath and Warner to the scribes. If these guys said they were going to grind England into the dust and shit on them you believed it. What was not to believe? Possibly Australia's grittiest bat ever, the best spin bowler in the history of the game and possibly Australia's finest fast medium man bar Dennis Lillee - all of them had the experience to call the result and the talent to back it up.

This series you get a procession of not quite made it bowlers like Bollinger and Hilfenhaus (have either won a Test against England?) talking about targeting Strauss. Oh please. He's the skipper and the opening bat. And Cook. Durrr. Oh and KP is a bit arrogant. Noooo really? What a snore fest. And then Mitchell "Sprays it" Johnson talking about the same stuff. It's just lamentable. And all it does is remind you (and the England boys) about how the aura is gone. Bollinger telling you he's going to target you? Oooooo scary.

All this makes Andrew Hilditch look like Captain Mainwaring from Dad's Army. Totally inept and in control of a rabble of average folk who wouldn't get into Steve Waugh or Mark Taylor's teams. But then thank goodness. Shane Warne has touched down in Oz. All is well. Someone to speak up on behalf of the team. He's called the selection clever or some such nonsense to paper over the fact that the team is either injured or in terrible shape. You can hear the echoes of Clive Dunn... "Don't Panic!"

With a week to go, sack the media handlers, jettison two of the spinners, make a decision about whether Ferguson or Khawaja is your back up for Katich and stop fannying about. If Australia don't man up now - and England have to go into Brisbane as favourites in an Ashes series for the first time in three decades - Wickman just won't enjoy this at all.