Match Report - 2xi vs Old Kingstonians (a) by Clarky

Old Kingstonian’s 2xi vs HWRCC 2xi
HWRCC 248-5 (45.5 overs) declared. D Fudge 109, N Singh 56
Old Ks 129-8 (50 overs). D Lown Four for not very many.
HWRCC draw by 120 runs.
Singh, Clark, Fudge, Globby, Wright, Hibberd, Soppitt, Powell, Donnelly, Hill, Lown

Division new boys take down last year’s 3rd placed team in bore draw

If Alan Sugar had dragged the two teams together on Saturday morning and said, in that Norf Lahndon drawl “go ahhhht and put on a game of cricket, the team that plays the best cricket will win the game. One of the losers will be firrrred” then the Board Room scene at the end of the task could have been very messy.

On the face of it Skipper Fudge and the Wick team would imagine themselves safe from a grilling. Clark apart (who picked up a third ball duck after having almost been run out without facing by an anxious duck avoiding Iqbal, sorry Singh, sorry Nathan) the batsmen mostly delivered in some style. The fielding was close to exemplary although the grassing of a sitter by Hibby and a tracer bullet one handed slip catch by Wrighty might have been more expensive on another day. The bowling was largely naggingingly good if not life-threateningly quick – Dom Lown bowled by some margin his finest spell in a twos shirt to take four for not very many.

On a filthy, filthy day (the contrast with last week was absolute) we travelled to Old Kingstonian’s ground. Owned and maintained by an educational establishment it was immaculate. Beautiful. An outfield smoother than an ice rink. A deck that looked the right colour. Sightscreens freshly painted. HOT showers. This would be an absolute pleasure to play on and no doubt. It did though, con The Wick into batting for too long. Up to 180 from 33 overs, the boys settled into a strange torpor, only scoring another 70 from the next twelve. With such value to be obtained from the outfield we felt we needed to take some overs out of the game otherwise the declaration would be too generous we thought.

In fact in the context of Old K’s reply the Wick put on a quite majestic 248 from 45.5 overs at 5.4 an over. Asked to score at just under 5 in reply Old K’s gave up at the tea break the skipper declaring, none to quietly, that the win was gone. Sad. So there we go. Another skipper (like last week) wins the toss, and sticks the oppo in because he has no confidence in his team.

Fudgey scored one of those tons that Fudgey scores. Off drives. Paddle sweeps. Lofted checked pulls. Nudges for one. He mostly saw it like a beachball. Accompanying him after the early demise of the unfortunate Duck Tax paying Clark was Nathan. Nathan was “due a score”. He promptly put together a wonderful maiden half century full of off driving that had those huddled on the sidelines for warmth briefly glowing with pleasure.

Wrighty continued in his merry way of scoring runs without being out – this time 33 of them to average about 200 for the 2s. Hibby crashed a rapid 22. Golby and Del did what they both do nudging and scampering. The game changing incident though had already happened long before the declaration. Fudgey was given not out by Del relatively early in his innings.

Ever since the advent of Hawkeye, amateur umpires and players have become much more, well, hawkish about LBW shouts. The opposition felt that Fudgey was out. Whatever. They then proceeded not to give any of 13 shouts for LBW when they batted. A few of those appeals were marginal. Perhaps one or two would have missed the leg stump. Certainly they were optimistic. However there were two in particular which were so plumb they hurt. One was a full toss from Lownsy which hit the bat on the toe in front of middle. Had it gone straight on (which the law now says an umpire must think) it would have hit 4 inches above the base of middle. The other was a pad up by the same batsman. He would have lost his off stump had the ball carried on. Neither were given “because you didn’t give your guy out!” It’s a bit Latvian to say this, but if that was the reason they didn’t give an LBW all day rather than “the batsman gets the benefit of the doubt as I wasn’t sure” then, I am afraid, that’s sharp practice. Which is one step from cheating.

The surviving bat was the only reason that Old K’s did not lose this game. He scored 29 from a staggering 124 balls faced. It was the most boring innings this correspondent has witnessed since he and a colleague misunderstood a coach’s instructions to play for a draw in a school game by stodging it out from 1 wicket down for over 90 minutes. But as that occurred when your correspondent was 11 he is claiming lack of experience. This guy was clearly an experienced cricketer. It’s not that he didn’t have any shots either. He had at least one (a powerful square cut). He employed this four times in his innings. The rest of the innings was just dull. Mostly he spent the time playing the ball between his legs (but not onto the stumps unfortunately) or with his pads (which turned out to be the safest way to play yesterday). Eventually he edged a low full toss from Hibberd on to his stumps attempting to play an attacking shot but the time and overs he had used up were critical to Old K’s survival.

Old K’s were in the fight only as long as their opening bat was at the crease. Swinging like a mad axeman he smote and smote, often at thin air, sometimes connecting. This guy was intent on replicating Fudgey’s feat but in half the time. Once he was out the Number 3, who had a rather comical resemblance to a character from Fantasy Island (The plane! The plane!), did not look to have the technique to win the game. Everyone else who came in wasn’t up for it (although to be fair the ‘keeper did have a go, the skipper was out third ball and another chap for a golden).

The boys bowled well to try to winkle out the oppo. Even Powelly took a wicket despite only being able to bowl one ball at pace (4 wides) and four off two paces as his knee gave way. Lownsy was a revelation this week. He found a yard of pace, pitched the ball up much further and after an early flurry of leg side deliveries, camped out on off stump and brought the ball back. Excellent stuff. A win would have probably given him MOM… Hibby too bowled at pace and was accurate in his second spell. He almost cracked the game open with 10 or twelve overs to go removing Barnacle Bill before also deceiving the No 6 with a slower ball. Tommy D was like a wife of forty years who can hear a man pick up a newspaper through solid brick – nagging. Hilly, in his first bowl of the year, produced unplayable delivery after unplayable delivery until the rain got to the ball and took the shine. Del and Fudgey tossed some up – but to no avail. There was not MUCH more they could have done. Certainly it would have been useful to have Powelly firing on all cylinders as his mix of inswinging toe crushers and stump to stump pace but the others did a fantastic job.

So back to the Boardroom. If Sugar knew anything about cricket he might ask Fudgey “What did you think you were doooooing batting on to 45.5 ovvvvvvahhhs?” You would expect Fudgey to answer along the lines that Old K’s made 230 the previous week, this deck was as good as you’d get in the circumstances and the outfield was 5 an over good. Sugar might point the finger at Hibberd and ask about “that” drop. He might even call it a fiasssssssssco. Sugar might ask the middle order why they didn’t press on particularly quickly from 180 for 3 at 33 overs.

The oppo skipper would be in some serious doodoo. 129-8 is not good sport. Denying LBs on flimsy ground is not good sport. Ordering a rearguard that would have put Stalingrad to shame is not good sport. Sugar would also ask what Barnacle Bill does for excitement because he certainly doesn’t get it playing cricket.

Given though that the Wick eventually ran out 9-3 points winners in this game Sugar’d have to invite the oppo skipper in. It’s the rules you see. The oppo skipper would need to try to stave off a sacking for conceding runs at 5.4 an over and then getting a big fat duck. He’d probably take in the guy who got the golden as well. He didn’t do anything else all day. He’d consider his second change bowler who played in black skater trainers (village village village). But he’d have to take in the couple who made the teas. Sugar would have a field day. “ownnnleee four kinds of saaaaandwiches? Tuna and sweeeetcorn? That’s a Pizzzzzzzaaaa recipe not a saaaaaaaandwich. No Egg and Cress even? Tea cups the siiiiizze of blaaaahdy thimbuls?! That’s not a tea it’s a shhhhhhaaaaaaaaaambles. Tea lady? With regret, youre’d fired!” (4.5 out of ten for the statisticians amongst you).

MOM Fudgey.