For those of you uncertain of the scoring around teas, there is no standard calibration. As experienced as your scribes are in the sampling of teas around the Middlesex and Surrey areas you must expect some variation. It's an art, not a science.
Points should be awarded for:
1. Freshness - essential. Stale teas are a crime against cricket and should probably be included in the The Spirit of the Game or whatever its called next time around. Fruit is frowned upon in some tradtional quarters as being the work of the devil (remember what happened to Eve in the garden) but Wickman is wholely supportive. If he can get one of his five a day at tea then it can't be bad.
2. Homemadeness - only a truly homemade tea (ie no purchased multi-pack Penguins etc) could ever approach a ten.
3. Innovation - something new, or at least new to the scribe, is important. Ewhurst had a ham one year which was sourced from the local butcher. It was soooo good. They had fresh French bread too. Westfield had sort of custard pies. DBW created a new tikka sandwich filling a couple of weeks ago. Lingfield (Wickman thinks) had pickled onions. Someone else had beetroot in vinegar. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm *Wickman pauses to wipe drool off the keyboard*
4. The Tea (drink) must be plentiful, hot and served in a mug. It should not be the colour of milk. It should be the colour of Del's 20 year old jocky.
5. Abundance - there must be enough of it so that no one has to think "damn it I just can't take any more otherwise the oppo won't get any".
6. Presentation - vitally important to present the tea in such a fashion that the eye and brain can immediately sum up a) how to assemble the perfect plate - one of everything or should one stock up on a particular aspect such as sandwiches? b) how many people will need to be served from it (see 5) so that the teaer can take what's needed? c) has the chef added small touches such as parsley, lettuce (see 1) to show that the art of presentation is not dead?
Thus a standard DBW tea will score between 6 and 7 most weeks. The howler of two weeks ago fell foul of 1). Occasionally Wickman feels that the dodgy mugs DBW uses contravene 4). The homemadeness we all know is often totally absent unless there has been a wedding / funeral / orienteering meet.
Wickman hopes this helps. However Wickman will be enquiring of Lloydy how Matty D scored Saturday's tea as an ATS 5 and Lloydy scored it 8. An 8 this early in the season is just plain wrong. Mentally Wickman has taken the average of the two scores coming out a robust 6.5...
[Here's a picture of a fantastic tea. This tea looks as if it could be a 9]
Hampton Wick Royal Cricket Club * 1863 - 2013 * 150 Glorious Seasons
Monday, 19 May 2008
Tea Grading
For those of you uncertain of the scoring around teas, there is no standard calibration. As experienced as your scribes are in the sampling of teas around the Middlesex and Surrey areas you must expect some variation. It's an art, not a science.
Points should be awarded for:
1. Freshness - essential. Stale teas are a crime against cricket and should probably be included in the The Spirit of the Game or whatever its called next time around. Fruit is frowned upon in some tradtional quarters as being the work of the devil (remember what happened to Eve in the garden) but Wickman is wholely supportive. If he can get one of his five a day at tea then it can't be bad.
2. Homemadeness - only a truly homemade tea (ie no purchased multi-pack Penguins etc) could ever approach a ten.
3. Innovation - something new, or at least new to the scribe, is important. Ewhurst had a ham one year which was sourced from the local butcher. It was soooo good. They had fresh French bread too. Westfield had sort of custard pies. DBW created a new tikka sandwich filling a couple of weeks ago. Lingfield (Wickman thinks) had pickled onions. Someone else had beetroot in vinegar. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm *Wickman pauses to wipe drool off the keyboard*
4. The Tea (drink) must be plentiful, hot and served in a mug. It should not be the colour of milk. It should be the colour of Del's 20 year old jocky.
5. Abundance - there must be enough of it so that no one has to think "damn it I just can't take any more otherwise the oppo won't get any".
6. Presentation - vitally important to present the tea in such a fashion that the eye and brain can immediately sum up a) how to assemble the perfect plate - one of everything or should one stock up on a particular aspect such as sandwiches? b) how many people will need to be served from it (see 5) so that the teaer can take what's needed? c) has the chef added small touches such as parsley, lettuce (see 1) to show that the art of presentation is not dead?
Thus a standard DBW tea will score between 6 and 7 most weeks. The howler of two weeks ago fell foul of 1). Occasionally Wickman feels that the dodgy mugs DBW uses contravene 4). The homemadeness we all know is often totally absent unless there has been a wedding / funeral / orienteering meet.
Wickman hopes this helps. However Wickman will be enquiring of Lloydy how Matty D scored Saturday's tea as an ATS 5 and Lloydy scored it 8. An 8 this early in the season is just plain wrong. Mentally Wickman has taken the average of the two scores coming out a robust 6.5...
[Here's a picture of a fantastic tea. This tea looks as if it could be a 9]
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8 comments:
Hambledon on tour, mmm.
Cranesy
Hambledon on tour is currently the highest mark ever awarded by Wickman for a tea. That it came at the "home of cricket" can be no coincidence. It was close to genius.
I can only put the 8 down to experience.... or lack there of and the euphoria of wathing us notch up 215 for 6 in a league game when previous seasons we had creaked across the 100 mark.
I will attempt to control my emotions beter in future.
"Thus a standard DBW tea will score between 6 and 7 most weeks."
Latvian!! Best Teas in the league fact!!
You know you can make your own varity... Have you tried half a cheese and onion roll turned on top of a tuna... MMmmmm!!
Wednesdays, Saturdays, Sundays... Id play every day just to have a DBW tea... Unlike the mechanics used to serve his tea... He's no mug!
They may well be the best teas in the league, but that's not the point. If the best tea in the league was a plate of raw liver with cat's piss for sauce you wouldn't give it a 9 or 10. You'd probably give it a zero along with all the other worse minging teas. For reasons of lack of innovation, poor mug size, lack of homemadeness a standard BDW tea can never approach greatness. To be the best of the bunch is a great accolade but must not obscure the calibration. Give me Hambledon any week. And that was only a 9...
They were so dedicated to cooking their teas well they even tried BBQing with the clubhouse. Thats dedication, I bet that day was a 10. Although the surroundings wouldnt have been so nice.
C
I felt MattyD's assessment of Horley's tea to be unduly harsh. The egg sandwiches were superb: thick white bread and a total absence of the hated Salad Cream. Moreover, there was enough for me to top up supplies before returning triumphantly to the score box to scoff in peace and quiet.
I agree that our tea mugs are not fit for purpose and propose that we all bring our own half-pinters in as a protest. I also cannot bear the current fashion for polystyrene plates - hardly ecomentalist and rubbish for smuggling Scooby snacks upstairs for more tranquil munching sans smelly and noisy cricketers. Come to think of it why come downstairs at all when tea could be brought to me on a tray, preferably silver, lined with a snow white linen napkin and decorated with a single yellow rose!
I always felt that for a 10 you have to have scones with jam. Dry sandwiches upset me the most.
I remember we turned up for a game in the old middlesex league. he oppo hadn't organised tea, so they went to the local fried chicken place and we filled our boots. Nice day.
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