Battersea Ironsides vs HWRCC 1st XI

Battersea Ironsides 1XI v HWRCC 1XI

Battersea 216-7 dec HWRCC 155-8

Battersea winning draw – Micky Mouse

Following in the footsteps of Messrs Vaughan and Collingwood, I shall refer to myself in the 3rd person. At this rate I won’t be in the 1XI job for much longer, so I may as well do so whilst I still can.

Today he got into work at 0805, having completed the Metro Sudoku in record time (before Clapham Junction) and dealt with admin at work. By admin I of course mean Wick – 3 cheques, Forum, and soon enough the inevitable Fudgy emails. He also gets one from Garf informing him that he is too busy, too stressed, and too angry to write a match report. MattyD respects his wishes and agrees to write up the weekends shenanigans himself - Hence this prose. Enjoy.

MattyD is unsure how to approach this. Does he present the facts? Does he be overly positive? Does he be overly negative? Does he resort to comedy to get him out of awkward situations? ….YEAH FACT! For starters 4 of the top 6 cannot play next week - if that’s not funny, what is?

MattyD is listening to Heart FM, and a tune comes on which summarises what he should write. It sets his mood, it makes him smile, it makes him laugh. He taps his toes pretending he has rhythm. He clicks his fingers and imagines himself down the Wick on the dancefloor on a Saturday night, 2330, Fudgy on the decks, Goldy propping up the bar, Delboy and Garf having a dance-off, TommyD with some sort in the corner, Cranesy and LLoydy trying to out drink each other, Joey plotting his next stitch-up, Leggsy speaking in hand gestures and facial expressions, AJ in his flip flops mincing about, Mackie doing the face, Charlie just being plain immature, Muzzy looking glazed, but still managing to eat Emma’s face. This is perfect:-

(I just know your life's gonna change) (Gonna get a little better) (Moving on the darkest day) (I just know your life's gonna change) (Gonna get a little further) (Right up until the feeling fades)

So, is this how it goes, Think you've come this far, And then it'll show, But that aint so, oh no, You don't see where you are, And if you don't wanna look back You'll never know, Cuz you think that you've been here Just treading water Waiting in the wings for the show to begin But I always see you searching And you try that bit harder Getting closer, oh yeah To the life you're imagining

[Chorus:] (I just know your life's gonna change) Maybe not today, maybe not today, But some day soon you'll be alright, (I just know your life's gonna change) Turn the other way, turn the other way, Feels like luck is on your side, (Just wanna live) No worries, no worries, (Don't wanna die) No worries, no worries, Sing for me, sing for me, We all need somebody, (Yeah you can sink) No worries, no worries, (Or you can swim) No worries, no worries, Sing for me, sing for me, We all need somebody

So, baby keep drifiting on Getting there aint just selfless wasted time Seek and find, yeah You're not that far from What you hoped and wished for All along, Cuz you think that you've been there, Just treading water Waiting in the wings for the show to begin But I always see you searching And you try that bit harder Getting closer, oh yeah To the life you're imagining

[Chorus (repeat)] (I just know your life's gonna change) Maybe not today, maybe not today, But some day soon you'll be alright, (I just know your life's gonna change) Turn the other way, turn the other way, Feels like luck is on your side, (Just wanna live) No worries, no worries, (Don't wanna die) No worries, no worries, Sing for me, sing for me, We all need somebody, (Yeah you can sink) No worries, no worries, (Or you can swim) No worries, no worries, Sing for me, sing for me, We all need somebody

I just know your life's gonna change Sing for me, sing for me, We all need somebody...

Lets not piss about here. We were crap on Saturday. Sure, the outfield wouldn’t look out of place in Kosovo, but that doesn’t explain how a team of capable cricketers can give away so many overthrows (I’d count 10) and let through so many balls through their legs (I’d count 20). The bowlers kept to their task manfully on a placid track, but were let down by too many uncommitted and simply lazy fielding attempts. I’m not exempt from this by the way. Joey bowled 17 overs with few bad balls, Shaun was a threat (I underbowled him in hindsight), Zamm looks to be finding some more bite, but he’s not quite there yet. Incidentally he played a trial game for Middlesex on Friday and bowled 8-13-1. Kam lost it after not getting an lbw – not good enough Kam. Get over it. Move on.

216 was 30 too many. However, if some luck had gone our way, we’d have taken a few earlier wickets and given the state of the Battersea #6 downwards, we could have rolled them for 120. Maybe we’re not getting the luck we enjoyed last year. So be it. Get over it.

In response we started confidently and it looked easy, before MattyD played his first loose stroke since the first over, falling and leaving the Wick 50-1 off about 16. Whilst Adam was at the crease it was so easy. Watching him time the pants off the ball (some sublime cover drives, and flicks for 4 off the legs over midwicket were simply ridiculous) was like poetry, until he succumbed to a mix of the pitch and the trigger happy umpire.

As Alison pointed out, everyone who batted scored a boundary, and yet MattyD was the second highest scorer with a paltry 16. Against the seamers it was piss easy, and as soon as the dibbly-dobblers came on everyone started getting bowled/trapped in front/caught in the deep. Hmmm….

I don’t want to over-analyse, it wouldn’t help. We all know as individuals we need to raise our game. I’ve said this somewhere before…

The opposition is of a better standard, sure, but the only team who have been on our level that we’ve played against thus far have been Valley End (no bowlers) and Guildford City (rely on a few players).

Lets see if we can turn it around this week. Its not easy.

Who’s going to be the talisman? Who wants it?