Team News - Saturday 23 June

Well Gents (and Alison) what a weekend this is. The 1sts are off to Godalming. We have not played Godalming in the league. There is the chance that they might play at a ground of great beauty. They may serve a tea of mythic quality. Here is Barrel arriving at the pavillion for tea. The 1s will set out with stout heart but quivvering expectation.

The 2s - unbeaten - will attempt to defend fortress Wick. No league team has lost a league game at fortress Wick since last Summer when the 2s lost to Merrow. This Saturday we are visited by Merrow. There's a challenge boys.

The 3s - growing in confidence - are protecting a proud record of squeaking fantastic wins agains the mid-game odds. We're looking forward to more derring-do from Lloydy's mob.

Godalming vs HWRCC 1xi. Meet 11:30 Davies*, Hibberd, Ewen J, Raza, Whinney, Jones+, Mackie, Cole, Bishop, Jackson, Stephens

HWRCC 2xi vs Merrow. Meet 12:00 Clark*+, Sayce, Moore, Crane, High, Wright, Ewen D, Goodwin, Noor, Hill, Lown

HWRCC 3xi vs Old Tiffinians. Meet 12:30 Lloyd*, Risman, Doddy, Routledge, Nicholas, Taylorson, Cameron, Walters+, Unsworth, Iqbal, Laight

Good luck boys. This would be the PERFECT weekend for the first new ear Wickwash...

Getting Wick With.....NICK CLARK

We play cricket together, drink together and shower together, so let's find out what makes a bloke Wick. Opening up the innings for Getting Wick With....is a man not just handy with the gloves, but just as handy with a power tool after all his work around the club this year.

1 Nickname(s): Clarky, Shakespeare
2 Highest Score for HWRCC: 54*
3 Best Bowling for HWRCC: Flag bowls at Thames Ditton. Won with two flags to play
4 Favourite Away Ground: Westfield - short boundaries, cracking tea
5 Favourite Food: Foie Gras, Chateaubriand
6 Favourite Singer/Band: David Bowie
7 Favourite Movie: Withnail & I
8 Favourite Book: One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest
9 Favourite Pub/Club: The Star and Garter, Soho
10 Favourite Crisps: Pickeld Onion Monster Munch
11 Favourite DBW Sandwich: Egg
12 Favourite Quote: "Winston, you're drunk". "Madam, I may be drunk, but in the morning I will be sober. You, on the other hand, will still be ugly"
13 Childhood Sports Hero: Sir Ian Terrence Botham
14 Best Wick Moment: Creaming Hibby all over the nets during Winter
15 Worst Wick Moment: Golden Duck on debut v Wycombe House 2004
16 Invite 3 People to Dinner (Dead or Alive) Mrs Clark
Maggie Thatcher
Arthur Scargill

Moores - half term report

Wickman was being entertained by clients last night. He went into the meal (at a very passable Soho eatery) with a heavy heart and boiling stomach. A quick drink at lunchtime followed by a Pret sandwich (Ham and Greve) had left him feeling distinctly unwell. One of a pint of Pride or the sandwich got him as later on (about 3am to be precise), supper revisited in perfect reverse order. Wickman could taste the brand of coffee and the wines in order. Anyway. Wickman mentions this not because he's slated to be playing cricket today is considering quite ho he's going to get through three hours in the field and a DBW tea, but more to give context for a strange discussion about Peter Moores. Wickman thinks Moores has done a cracking job so far. Presented with a West Indies side as weak as a new born kitten, and almost as fluffy, his charges dispatched them with some aplomb - even having to dig deep on occasion to do it. Monty looks better by the game. Bringing in Allan Donald to mentor Harmy seems to have done wonders for him - even his rather bizarre interviews (I'm brilliant and introverted don't you know) seem to have been toned down. The team seems to be making more of its individual talents. There's a spring in its step. Bringing back Sidebottom seems to have worked. Matt Prior - while not Wickman's favourite gloveman (Bob Taylor's too old now Wickman - get over it) is carting the average West Indian bowling all over various counties. Freddy Who? etc etc. Well done Peter, cracking start. Wickman's dinner companion told me an interesting tale. For reasons too convoluted to go into here, she was dining with a former International coach who was annoyed not to be given the England job. That former coach intimated that the contract that Moores was on is shorter than Ebenezer Scrooge's Christmas Card list and gives him about as much security as a chocolate padlock in the tropics (that one took a bit of time - Wickman thinks it will pass muster). Hmmm. My dinner companion's lunch guest was certainly feeling positive about his chances of getting the job if England couldn't put India away...

Arise Sir Beefy

There's not much that can be written about Ian Terrence Botham that hasn't been written elsewhere, better. Wickman particularly liked David Shower's piece in The Sunday Times. Wickman particularly remembers Headingly because it was the only time Wickman Snr ever watched cricket. He was rooooobish at the game as a lad and was about as agile as Monty Burns from The Simpsons, so never joined in the back garden games. But this time he and Mrs Wickman Snr were persuaded to come in to watch Bob "he's crap on the telly" Willis adminster the last rites. And for a moment they both got it. They both missed THAT innings though. Probably Mrs Wickman Snr was cleaning down the side of the cooker or removing the fluff from the tumble dryer filter. The Old Man was probably tampering with the oil/petrol mix in the mower. Phillistines. And that innings was phenomenal. No one had played like that in Test Cricket in Wickman's short spectating life. Wickman had never seen anyone play like that in any form of the game. And then he did it again with a spell of something like 5 for 1 to win the next test. The ball that he delivered to rid us of Terry Alderman (NOT a good bat), an inswinging yorkery thing that was unplayable and uprooted just about everything, was like someone using a ball on a yo-yo string. It was inevitable that it would skittle him. Wickman, along with thousands of other pre-pubescents, sped out into the garden and bowled for HOURS against the garage door trying to repeat it. Just one gripe. Wickman KNOWS Sir Viv called Beefy, Beefy. But as a nickname it sucks. Big time. Beefy. FFS... The guy was a collossus not a burger...

Wickman's Old Suttonians 2s Match Report

HWRCC 2xi vs Old Suttonians

HWRCC 181-9 (42.4 overs) Doc Greenwood 48

Old Sluts 78-10 (35.4 overs) Shaun Whinney 5-24

HWRCC won by 103 runs - League table

Moore, Sayce, Ewen, Crane, Lofting, Clark*+, Whinney, Noor, Greenwood, Hill, Lown

HWRCC beat conditions

A risky gamble paid off on Saturday as Doc Greenwood recorded his highest league score to dig stand in skipper Clarky out of a hole that was deepening by the minute. Choosing to bat on a soaking pitch to make the most of later bowling conditions, the Wick collapsed to 25-4 before partnerships between MS (26) and Clarky (23) and Shaun (17) and Doc (48) built a more than adequate total on a strip that became harder to bat on as the day wore on.

A deluge that was almost biblical in proportion arrived at 1.15pm, just as Clarky was looking out the opposition skipper, Wrankmore, to do some coin agitation. The toss was delayed while the rain came down and drenched everything. Clark decided that on balance – given the strength of the bowling attack – that he would prefer the Wick to bowl with a dry ball and the only way to have any chance of that was to bat first. It was also the only way that the game was going to get started if the home side took the obviously damp conditions on.

On winning the toss then, much to the opposition’s surprise, HWRCC batted. The decision began to look foolish as Moore edged behind to swell Duck Tax coffers, Sayce top edged a pull and was caught at fine leg and an uncharacteristically cautious Cranesy lobbed one to mid off, stopping his shot for the first time in living memory. When Ewen, who displayed much grit, was brilliantly caught at point / gully, the opposition could rightfully claim to be on top.

However – and perhaps Wickman will cause a heated debate – none of the wickets to fall thus far could be attributed to the state of the pitch. Granted it was not comfortable batting out there, but it was to be a whole lot worse for the opposition as the pitch dried and began to cut up rough like Staffordshire-Bull-Terrier-owning-hoodies in a North London housing estate. Lofting and Clark, while never well set, took advantage of some average bowling, both driving with some style once they had become used to the pace. Clark pulled one young tyro for a large six. Lofting smashed the ball back over another’s head repeatedly. And then a mini-disaster.

Lofting, turning for a second like a dog chasing its tail, pulled his hammy. Some comedy ensued as a bit of yes, no, yes, no “running” occurred in the middle of the pitch, but eventually everyone got home and the damage could be inspected. It was not good. MS retired to find some ice. Shaun joined Clarky and for a few overs they proceeded sedately to put up a decent score before Clark was totally undone by one that came back further than Hugh Grant did from career obscurity after he paid for a quick helmet shine in LA. At this point we were shy of a decent total with our batting either dead or wounded. Billy didn’t last long, spooning one back to the bowler, and in strode Doc.

Crumbs. Criminy. Yoinks. Lawks-a-mercy etc. This was boys own stuff reminiscent of a Victor comic or similar. Doc just biffed the ball all over the park. Clark, hoping to set 140, suddenly watched as the scoreboard revolved quicker than the reels on a fruit machine as Doc pulled and smashed his way towards what would have been a very well-deserved 50. His only blemish was to call Shaun through for a very tight single which Shaun failed to complete. Oh and skying one only for the bowler - too keen by half all day and not trusting his compatriots - to call for the catch and never get anyone near it despite at least two teammates being almost directly underneath it. After that, along with Hilly who made a muscular 10 not out, he completely dominated chasing 180 from 42 overs – the target set by a now rather cheerful Clarky. He eventually perished to his first miscue, caught form the shot that were it middled would have taken him to the magic number. It only remained for Lownsy to come to the wicket for the first time this season and play a very authentic sweep shot to bring up the 180 from 42.4. The declaration was made to preserve Dom’s average of infinity.

Ben Mellett for the opposition, a colt, was an impressive performer for Old Sluts. He will take the wickets of worse batsmen than Moore and Lofting in his career. Wellapilli used the conditions well also, making it difficult for the top order to score. Perhaps though, he could disguise his quicker ball slightly better. It wasn’t so much the signal at the beginning of the run as the doubling of run-up pace that gave it away...

Tea. 6/10. Same old.

If Old Sluts had been able to damage our top order with mostly on the spot sub-military-medium stuff, then it seemed self evident that Shaun and Muzzy – both a yard or two quicker and both much taller – would be very difficult to play on a what was now a quickly drying wicket.

In no time at all OS’s top order were back in the hutch, two caught behind (one off an impossible to deal with rearing ball from a good length from Shaun, the other playing an expansive drive from a super ball from Muzi). Then a fantastic moment. Crane, doing short leg, caught the dangerous Mellett Snr off the full face by staying low and demonstrating fantastic technique. 12-3 and the pitch looked lethal. It was a progression after that until Nichols and James shored things up.

Regular bowling changes followed to break up opposition rhythm and Doc and Lownsy both took wickets. Neither they nor Ewen could locate consistent length to make the bats play though and the skipper turned to Hill who rewarded him with the remarkable figures of 6-4-7-2. Considering that five came from one no ball this was fantastic bowling for the conditions. At the stumps, in-swinging Yorkers in the main, which did enough to break a stubborn eighth wicket partnership (Mellett B again displaying real fight with James), Hill was the pick of the change bowlers.

Shaun was brought back to finish things with overs running down and he removed Mellett B to end the match. This was not before some regrettable controversy occurred which had been brewing ever since Mellett Snr came out to umpire. A fellow that could start a fight, alone, in a phone box (see pic of Casa Mellett), he’d accused the Wick 1s, and Clark in particular, of cheating in the corresponding fixture last year. Knowing this, the Wick had been instructed not to talk to him at all when he batted and to keep as quiet as possible between deliveries as any incidental chat seemed to rile him. He batted reasonably well last year in a dogged rearguard and Clark wanted to ensure that he wasn’t wound up to do the same this time.

However this is the type that will come out to umpire in club games once he has no other role to play to make sure he’s still involved. It’s why you should always bring an umpire if you possibly can because they will probably not have two colt sons batting in the later overs and shouldn’t have an axe to grind. His petty involvement began by widing Dick unnecessarily. He then held back bowlers over fussily if anyone was talking as the bowler was reaching his mark. Here was a man seeking confrontation.

His opportunity eventually arose when Shaun unfortunately – as he had done a few times already to other bats – pitched one near his own toes and bounced it over the head of Mellett’s 13 year old son. It was unfortunate because the lad was not of great stature and this was a very difficult wicket now to keep the ball below bail height. Had we had Delboy in the side he would have been on at this point which would have taken all room for argument out. Unfortunately this short ball was delivered despite repeated and plaintive exhortations during the preceding twenty overs to all the Wick bowlers to try to pitch it up an extra yard to hit the stumps. There was no intent and everyone on the field knew it. Shaun himself was disappointed that he’d let such filth go and apologised immediately.

This prompted volleys of abuse from Mellett and threats to knock the bowler’s head off etc etc. At that point placatory words were said by the skipper to no avail as the tirade continued. Further attempts to pour oil on troubled waters failed between the overs as he then effectively accused the Wick of gamesmanship.

What an example to set the three Colts playing. One of them followed it and started dishing out verbals to the fielders, imagining that slights were being exchanged and this was the way to play cricket. Shamefully, not a single Old Sutt made the trip up the stairs to the bar for a pint afterwards and Mellett was the quickest out of the blocks since Ben Johnson won Gold in 6 or so seconds all those years ago and was surprised to find that he was more doped up on steroids than a champion bodybuilder. All pretty pathetic and frankly the victory was all the sweeter for it. Let us hope that the 2s can get out of this division so that we never have to play against this unfortunate again.

The game was played by all apart from him in good spirit and without edge until his interventions. But the 20 points fall to us on a weekend when Guildford City did us a favour and beat Merrow to leave us… 20 points ahead of the field. There’s a lot to be said for this victory. We won the game batting first on a difficult surface. We toughed it out to give ourselves the best of the conditions to bowl in. And we stuck to the task of winkling out a side that were never in the game and stopped going for it very early. And much better value for our match fees than doing it the other way around.

Shiv Chanderpaul

Wickman salutes you. What a series you have had. Could you bat any better? Have you, alongside BCL, carried the West Indies batting for a decade? Wickman thinks so. And you've done it all with one of the ugliest looking stances, grips and a vigorous trigger movements in the game. But boy oh boy when you smash it through the covers it makes Wickman feel good. Despite the fact you are doing it to Yeoman Hoggy et al. And you look like a crab while batting.

One gripe. What are those stupid marks on your cheeks about? Given Wickman's been watching you for a decade and has no idea, if it's a sponsorship you are getting better value from the deal than your sponsor is...

Frankly speaking though you are averaging more than 45 in Tests over a long career. So you can keep your sponsorship...

The dangers of cricketing injuries

This is why a lid is essential. This is Mark Vermeulen the former Zimbabwean test player. There is a growing school of thought that believes Vermeulen should be encased in a straight jacket and thrown into a very soft cell so he cannot cause further damage to his already strained brain.

Vermeulen has a colourful list of cricketing misdeamenours. In a recent case against him - for attempting to burn down the Zimbabwean Cricket Academy, he has cited the blow he received to the head [as seen in pic above] as the reason for his odd behaviour. When you have a national leader like Mugabe though, it's not difficult to see why you might have a touch of frustration to vent.

Here is a list of some of his antics:

1) Getting banned from school cricket having walked off with the stumps after receiving a poor lbw decision and locking himself in the changing room.

2) Sent home during the second Test of the 2003 England tour when, after becoming only the 13th man in Test history to record a pair on the same day of a match, ignored a management instruction to travel with the rest of the squad on the coach, instead choosing to leave the ground on his own.

3) Refusing to stop a ball at Hove because "it was too cold"

4) Throwing first a cricket ball and then a boundary marker at a spectator who'd annoyed him by pointing out that he might bowl better if he took his sunglasses off.

5) Burning down the Zimbawean Cricket Academy

In short, Mark Vermeulen is a mentalist. I believe the wonderful reporters at King Cricket got in trouble for saying this, but he's even claiming it himself in his case for the defence, apparently...

What is worrying me though is the injuries already sustained at the club this year. There was Garf falling in the Cess pit, Fudgey's broken ankle, Mackie's hangover.... all these could have serious repercussions.

And remember kids..... always wear a lid! You don't want to end up like 'Mad apparently' Mark Vermeulen

Too Windy for the Windies

If you had a case of dried squid you needed to rehydrate it looks like Durham would be the place to take it tomorrow. It's a Korean delicacy before you ask. Frankly, DCCC would do well to order up the UK's entire stocks. They're going to need something to soak up the entire rainfall for April which looks as if it has been saved up for tomorrow.

Durham looks set to be a washout. Or at least it doesn't look particularly special for cricket. Maybe there will be a couple of days cricket on Saturday and Sunday. And the last two days of the Test will be played out when everyone's back at work on Monday and Tuesday.

The West Indies, bar Shiv Chanderpaul and debutant Sammy, are probably hoping they can slink away back to the relative safety of home. Some of their tail enders will be running away from a newly evil looking Harmy. Where's he been? But the batsmen and all-rounders will be running away from the thinly veiled contempt in which they are held by the West Indies players of the 1970s and 1980s. Hell, even the 1990s. Listening to the bitter bile in the voices of those superstars makes almost unpleasant listening.

Well it would. If Wickman hadn't grown up watching a succession of 1970s, 80s and 90s England sides getting violently dismantled while the watching former players burnt them at the stake. What goes around comes around. The question for Wickman is whether the boot will ever be on the other foot again.

HWRCC 3RD X1 VS THAMES DITTON

Thames Ditton – 150 (50)

HWRCC – 151-9 (40)

Hampton Wick steal dramatic win under fading light….

The meaning of ‘Wick’?

Word reaches Wickman Junior of a conversation that took place between Clarky and Jimmy C outside a local establishment in Soho (not G.A.Y) before the first match of the season. With an unwelcome third party taking part in the convo, the talk invariably steered away from matters cricket – something that Jimmy C and Clarky cannot stand for. For them, if you can’t reminisce about Graeme Gooch (333 at the Oval – wikipedia it), Tubby Taylor or Steve Waugh (“wo wo wo, what is he good for?”) over a couple of cold brews, then you’re simply better off six feet under – FACT.

As luck would have it, and before having to conjure up cheeky excuses about needing to “get up early”, the pair managed to wrestle discussion back to cricket, and everything Wick. But an odd-ball question, posed by the third party about the Wick, was set to create confusion. The question went something like this:

Third Party (unwelcome): “You guys always go on about the Wick! What does it mean to be ‘wick’? How do you define something that is / isn’t wick?

Despite being able to speak so eloquently and definitively about cricket (Clarky…not Jimmy C) the pair, on this occasion, didn’t have an answer. Throwing out words like “indefinable”, the two were left completely jiggered. “What does it mean to be wick?” they pondered as they strolled home. It probably kept them up all night.

But after Saturday’s 3rd XI victory over Thames Ditton, Wickman Junior believes that Clarky and Jimmy C should now be closer than ever to answering this “controversial” question. Following one of the club’s greatest ever fight backs, the performance of young colt Junaid Iqbal just screamed “Wick” at every turn.

On a hot and muggy afternoon, the Wick went out to field against league side Ditton. Following some choice words from Lloydy (“I am a captain, but I’ll let you guys call the shots”), we set about tearing into their top order. With Junaid and “Direct” coming from both ends, their openers were quickly under pressure - Junaid bowling with tremendous accuracy and “Direct” sending down plenty of chin music. It was not long before the openers fell.

With Jimmy C and Alex coming in at first change, the boys kept the pressure up. As Jimmy C took out the off peg of two of Ditton’s top order (while also being dropped 4 times – thanks Doddy) and Alex swung the ball (Matty Hoggard style) to take another wicket, the visitors were soon in trouble at 6 for 60.

However with temperatures soaring, the Wick started to take their foot off the pedal. Sloppy fielding and Thames Ditton’s 8th wicket stand of 70, helped them to reach 150 at the tea break. With a weakened batting line up, the Wick felt that a great opportunity to win the match had been squandered.

With a required run rate of 3 runs an over, a good start was imperative. But this did not eventuate, as the reply started in the worst possible way. With their spinners opening from end, Doddy, Lloydy and Direct all went cheaply in the first few overs. And despite a couple of boundaries from Jimmy C and some resistance from Tommy Robinson, the Wick soon had their tail exposed. At 7/67, a comeback did not look likely.

But colt Junaid Iqbal, a “real thinker” according to Jimmy C, had other ideas. Knowing that there were plenty of overs to go, and with the weather still hot and sticky, he pushed the singles on offer and let the better balls to go through to the keeper. It was text book batting – just play each ball on its merits. Predictably, Thames Ditton became increasingly frustrated, and subsequently became tired and sloppy in the field. With the score now creeping up to 7 for 110, the belief that a result could be pulled off was growing, and so was the confidence the Wick’s batsmen.

At 7/130, the match was heading to a climax. But as the Wick lost 2 quick wickets with another 20 runs needed to win, it seemed like it had all been too little too late. However, as Iqbal kept Merwin protected at the non-strikers end (great understanding at Colt level - FACT), and with the two’s being picked off readily, the Wick needed just 4 runs to win the match. It would not be a lie to say that every run was cheered on by the entire squad, now standing on the edge of the boundary in anticipation.

Sensing a dramatic win, Iqbal was cool under the pressure (remember…he’s 13!!!). Letting a wide ball go through to the keeper, the Wick was overjoyed to see the keeper fluff at it. And as the ball went past fine leg and trickled over the boundary, bedlam erupted.

As Iqbal through his bat in the air, the boys charged onto the field for a massive embrace. Wickman Junior has never seen more high fives and [phrase edited out owing to unsuitability in a family publication] in his life. It was a jubilant moment for the boys – pure elation - FACT.

At this moment, everyone knew what it meant to be Wick. But just don’t expect anyone to give you an answer….

Yours in Wick,

Wickman Junior.

HWRCC Sunday XI vs Grouse and Label - Match Report

Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye! With Captain Goldie absent, Barrel took the Sunday Funday side into battle against a very lacklustre Grouse & Label side.

HWRCC batted first on a pitch that was again low, but thankfully not as slow as the previous weekend. Sisso and Zammak opened the innings with Sisso playing some cracking shots and timing the ball as well as anyone had done all year. Having reached 30 he pulled his hamstring and was caught skying one to mid on.

High joined Zammak at the crease and played a very controlled innings like I’d never seen him play before. In fact at one stage we thought he had been replaced by an imposter, but the manner in which he batted was very pleasing to see until he was dismissed.

“Mighty” Joe Hirsch came and played some very good shots, especially off the back foot. Zammak reached his half century with a bit of luck, but was unfortunately dismissed shortly after for 57. Barrel came and went in the blink of an eye (ATS), “Mighty” Joe and A.J.(Quack, quack) were all dismissed in quick succession.

After cruising at a 100/2 and looking good for a total of over 200 the Wick had slumped to 130/6. Thankfully Matty D and Delboy steadied the ship with a very well worked partnership and Delboy playing on through the pain of an injured thumb after being hit going for a quick single. With some thrush bowling being introduced Delboy was out.

Matty D (37) slapped a couple of nice sixes before being stumped after some quick glove work by their nimble keeper. Harry and Junaid saw out the 40 overs with some lusty hitting towards the end to leave HWRCC 200/8. All in all a reasonable score as anything near 200 had been competitive all year at home.

Tea: If you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all. Take from that what you will.

With Muzzy opening up at the Millenium Wood End and Junaid the Kingsfield End early wickets wanted. They bowled exceptionally well and were straight into the G & L batsmen. Harry taking a fine catch off Muzzy and it was refreshing to see a batsman walk, especially when it looked as though their umpire was never going to give it out.

After 10 overs G & L had been reduced to 5 down. It was time to bring on the secret weapon and A.J. kicked in off the long run Dennis Lillee style before preceeding to bowl a load of thrush before their best bat decided to launch one down Delboy’s throat at long on, swollen thumb and all. “Mighty” Joe was bowling some decent leg spin managing to nip out a couple of their batsmen, including one guy with what can only be describe as a zooter/grubber.

Upon seeing the chance to grab a couple of cheap wickets, and with A.J. tiring after what turned into quite a good spell bar a few no balls (front foot or bent arm – you decide), Barrel bought himself on to grab a couple of cheap wickets to avoid TFC honours and G & L were dismissed for 71 after 23.3 overs.

All in all I thought that the younger guys had all done a fantastic job and did everything asked of them.

MOM : Brilliant team effort with everyone contributing at some stage.

Voodoo hoodoo strikes skipper Fudge - alledgedly

Around theatre-land understudies spend time sticking pins in effigies of leading men and ladies hoping against hope that they will get their chance to shine. Ah the smell of the audience and the roar of the greasepaint! Today Wickman is asking some serious questions. Wickman hears that 2s skipper Fudgey is in a cast this Monday morning after a mishap during the game against Guildford. Using his plates to stop an off drive he's done something to his ankle which will necessitate him missing the Old Sutts game and potentially one of the bigger games of the season against Merrow. So what has Clarky been up to? A bit of the old voodoo? Clarky was unavailable for comment this morning but on calling his wife she asked if Wickman was coming round to collect the clay effigy of a Wick player with the knitting needle stuck in the ankle... Wickman thinks the weather might have a role to play this weekend and that any West Indian machinations and dabbling with the occult may be a waste of Clarky's time...

Duck Tax Update

An excellent weekend for Duck Tax. Skipper Lloyd perished in the 3s for the dreaded 0 and both Fordy and Barrell contrived to do so in the 1s. An oversight by the committee meant there weren't enough ducks to go round. So that's £32.50 collected so far if you count Barrell's from last Sunday. A duck is a duck is a duck after all... well done Darth...