Match Report - 2xi vs Old Paulines - by Joey B

"Old Ps delighted by DBW's 'special filling'" - Ed

Who Do You Think You are KIDding?

HWRCC 2xi vs Old Paulines
Old Paulines 156 (Fudge 4-17)
HWRCC 157-3 (High 56)
HWRCC wins by 7 wickets

Scorecard

Saturday saw the 2nd XI “welcome” OLD Paulines to the Wick for what turned out to be another clinical display.

OLD Paulines are a strange team, in that the team that plays against us in the home leg is never the team that plays in the away game. Their better players seem to enjoy coming to the Wick, perhaps it’s the setting, perhaps the egg mayo. I guess we will never know.

The eleven that did turn up on Saturday were are heady mix of BBC stars from the past and Channel 5 stars of the present. I am fairly sure that 2 members from Dads Army were playing and at least a further 4 or 5 from Neighbours.

Anyway let’s get down to business.

Fudgey lost the toss and rather bizarrely we were asked to field, on a wicket which looked like it might be best to bowl on first. Maybe their skipper Grant (who will from now on will be called Tavare) knew something we didn’t.

Leggsy opened up and continued where he left off last week, probing outside off stump and being generally too good. Vishva making his 2nd xi debut opened up the other end and was also on the money. Bar a few lusty blows from O’Reilly the bowlers had the upper hand. The same theme continued for the first 12 overs with both Leggsy and Vish continually beating the bat and the odd random four from O‘Reilly being hit.

Joey B replaced Leggsy and Fahad ( another 2nd xi debutant) replaced Vish after 12 overs and not much changed . Fahad was too quick and accurate for the batters whilst JB just probed outside off stump. It took until the 21st over to make the breakthrough and it was Tavare (10) who fell, deciding that the predicted end of the world due to arrive that evening was punishment enough for everyone and he would spare them another 29 overs of his batting. 54/1 became 54/2 when Fahad trapped Baldock LBW, too fast, too straight and Riley was given the simple task of just raising the “Goldfinger”. OLD Paulines were 55/2 after 25 at drinks.

Leggsy came back after drinks and immediately struck getting Kokri caught behind by the immaculate Copeland 59/3 and the WICK were well on top. A small partnership followed with O’Reilly continuing to punish anything over pitched and Sen trying to put every ball into the car park. That didn’t last long and Leggsy soon had him caught in the covers by Mackie 84/4.

OLD P’s continued to slowly accumulate runs almost exclusively from the bat of O’Reilly who moved nicely onto his half century. This saw Fudgey decide now was the time for him to chance his arm. It took until his 3rd over to strike when Gardner was expertly caught by Pinball in the gully, then next ball he had Hamilton LBW. The hatrick was not to be though 117/6.

Fahad returned to pick up O’Reilly for a well constructed 87, the catch taken by Vish at mid-on and OLD P’s were well in the mire at 141/7. Fudgey claimed another two wickets in two balls bowling Eyre and Clive Dunn, finishing with 4/17. Leaving the score 141/9. JB was allowed to try and pick up the last wicket which he did but not until after he had opened the buffet car and allowed Toadfish to take the score to 156. Toadfish was out for 22 leaving Captain Mannering undefeated on 2 at the other end.

Tea. Yet another new combo from DBW was unveiled, hard boiled eggs with bacon sprinkles to accompany the usual suspects. This seemed to be well received along with the fresh pasta, so an award of 9 this week seems fair.

Run down to the run chase.

We knew that getting off a good start was crucial, and Coley and Fudgey did just that. Fudgey was particularly severe on Kokri who had a penchant for bowling half trackers on leg stump. Toadfish was bowling a very tidy line at the other end but clearly cricket on Ramsey Street is played differently to that in the Surrey Champ and incessant appealing failed to endear him to the watching crowd. Clearly he was working on the theory if you keep asking eventually you will get, and that turned out to be the case as Fudgey was adjudged LBW. 42/1

This brought Charlie High to the crease and he was immediately at his brutal best dispatching balls to the boundary at will. None of the bowlers were able to restrain him and he brought up his 50 in no time with a lovely straight maximum. By the time he was eventually out (56) bowled by Toady the game was over and the Wick were 128/2. Coley fell a few balls later with Toady picking up his third but Mackie and AJ saw it home with the minimum of fuss and 17 overs left. The Wick won by 7 wickets and continued their move up the table.

With Woodmansterne away this weekend the 2s know continuing the winning run is crucial.

MOM - Charlie High for a brilliant 56 and taking the game away from OLD P’s in a flash. Mention must also go to Fudgey for his 4/17 and also Tanveer for 2/21 from his 8 overs on 2nd xi debut.

Match Report - 2xi vs Cranleigh - by Joey B

"Unsworth missed fiverfor as skipper puts clown at slip" - Ed

More Swinging Than A Night @ Hedonism!!

Cranleigh 2xi - 113 Unsworth 4-29 Kilner 4-20 HWRCC 114-2 Mackie 48* Cole 40* HWRCC 2xi win by 8 wickets Cole, Fudge*, Jackson, Mackie, Kilner, High, Copewell+, Crowther, Unsworth, Breakwell, Lown

Scorecard

“ A quick game, is a good game” has always been one of my favourite cricketing clichés. Meaning what transpired in the 2s game on Saturday must have made it a good game, although Cranleigh may beg to differ.

Upon arrival at the Wick we could see the wicket was one which would offer some assistance to the bowlers, if only we could manage to get first use of it. Cue Cranleigh losing the toss and Fudgey asking them to strap on the “mums and dads” and see what they could accumulate.

Leggsy was thrown the new ball and from the very first delivery had the ball on a piece of string. His meticulous pitching middle, clipping off line paid dividends in only his 2nd over when he had Denton snaffled in the cordon by AJ courtesy of groin and chest. I would have said caught by AJ, but I don’t like to use those words too closely together as you will read again in a moment. Leggsy struck again in the same over when he removed Coldman, bowled by a corker.

Leggsy took his tally to 3 when he had Jones trapped LBW and Cranleigh were in all sorts of trouble at around 15-3 (Riley you need to put in the fall of wickets score on play cricket). They should have been 4 down shortly after when Preece drove a swinging delivery from Leggsy straight into the hands of AJ in the slips only to see the (can’t use the word catch) shelled.

Preece was to get another life when he edged a delivery from Lownsy, who had been quietly going about his work, just wide of Harry who nudged it past Coley at first slip.

Joey B replaced Leggsy and unlike the week before managed to locate the right areas to hit on the pitch, resulting in Lane being caught behind and Beecroft being caught in the Gully. The latter was a particularly enjoyable wicket to get as it's always a pleasure to see a batsmen have more tattoos than runs. Joey finished his 10 overs 2/17 and Cranleigh were around 70/5.

Matty Kilner was bowling nicely from the Kingsfield end and it did not take him long to get amongst the wickets, removing Preece and Payne cleaned up with the minimum of fuss, leaving Cranleigh at approximately 100/7. What followed was Leggsy and Matty mopping up the tail with ease to finish with 4/29 & 4/20 respectively and leave the Wick chasing 114 to win.

I don’t need to mention Tea too much other than to say the cream cheese and onion was another welcome addition to DBW’s squad and took this week’s mark up to 8.5/9

Right - down to the run chase.

Coley saw off the first over from a very lively Beecroft who in my opinion is easily the fastest bowler we will face this year. Fudgey was left to face the first over from the other end and from the first ball his intentions were clear as he slapped Preece nicely through the covers. 2 more boundaries were to come from the over and the Wick were off to the start they needed.

Beecroft continued to ramp up the gas resulting in him removing Fudgey's middle pole, courtesy of a flick via the pads. AJ came to the wicket and was soon back in the changing room via the crowd favourite “Yessssss, no, sorry" from Coley and a direct hit from Albert Steptoe at midwicket. The wick were 20/2 and needed a partnership.

That is exactly what they got as Coley and Mackie put on 80 odd quite superbly. Punishing the bad balls and keeping out the good ones. Mackie was particularly brutal on anything pitched up as he drove nicely through square cover on numerous occasions, whilst Coley continued to accumulate quietly from the other end. They finished up Mackie 48* and Coley 40* as the Wick chased down 114 in 22 overs.

A great team performance with everyone doing their job and setting the standard for the forthcoming game against Old Paulines.

MOM: Unsworth for a quite brilliant spell of swing bowling which set the tone for the day, and were it not for Gomes at 2nd slip would have had 5 wickets.

Match Report - 3xi vs Esher - by Krusty Lown

"Splinter and Rizzo were quick to console Lownsy after the match" - Ed

HWRCC 3rd XI v Esher 3rd XI 7th May 2010
Esher 141 (Selves 6 for 37) HWRCC 86
Esher win by 55 runs
Scorecard

The wick won the toss and chose to bowl in the first 3rd XI league game to be played on the main square. Despite overnight rain, the outfield was dry and conditions good.

Donnelly and Lown opened up and bowled tight lines, restricting Esher to 19-1 off 13 overs. Both were replaced by Charlton and McMullum who also bowled well, but anything short was punished on this sticky wicket.

At Drinks the Wick had Esher at 59-2 off 20 overs, and a change in bowling saw Adam Selves come on from the Millennium Wood end. Having listened to the words of advice from Risso, Selves took the pace off the ball and bowled with great control; either tucking the batsman up or back of a length outside off. This bowling, backed up with some good catching from the wick brought Adam good reward, with figures of 14-3-37-6. Along with Phil Linter and Sam Ratnage at the other end, the Wick managed to bowl their last 32 overs in 1hr 50m and restrict Esher to 141 all out in 47 overs.

Tea – it never helps when the opposition wonder in and tell DBW the tea is a 10/10. Yes it was good – new combinations such as Chicken tikka with crispy onion and crème cheese had Goldie going back for 2nds, and the introduction of mini Cornish pasties is always pleasing. But tell someone they cant improve any more on the first league game is a recipe for disaster. So am giving the tea 7.5/10.

The Wick went out to bat needing 142 to win off 53 overs. With a strong top order this seemed very doable. However, Esher had other plans and opened up bowling very tightly outside off which resulted in wickets. Risman was caught at gully to a ball that stuck in the pitch, Goldie got a great ball which was feathered to their keeper and Ratnage was unlucky in playing onto his stumps. 12-3 off 5 was not the ideal start.

Clements and Edmonds tried to regain the initiative and both batted watchfully to see off their openers. However, Esher’s change bowler – bowling slooooow right arm around the wicket to right handers proved too tempting for some of the Wick, and wickets again began to fall quickly.

Donnelly and Selves came in and played some lovely looking shots and rotated the strike well, but ultimately the wick fell well short of their target and were bowled out for 86 off 31 overs – with 21 being the top score.

This was definitely a game of 2 halves – with the fielding and bowling being very good for the first game of the season. The bowlers worked well in pairs and stuck to their job, and were backed up by 7 catches. Its just a shame we couldn’t make the most of 53 overs and seen off the new ball to give ourselves a chance.

This week welcomes back skipper Singh from some pre season warm weather training in Mauritius where we hope to do a lot better with the bat.

Tea Grading

For those of you uncertain of the scoring around teas, there is no standard calibration. As experienced as your scribes are in the sampling of teas around the Middlesex and Surrey areas you must expect some variation. It's an art, not a science.

Points should be awarded for: 1. Freshness - essential. Stale teas are a crime against cricket and should probably be included in the The Spirit of the Game or whatever its called next time around. Fruit is frowned upon in some tradtional quarters as being the work of the devil (remember what happened to Eve in the garden) but Wickman is wholely supportive. If he can get one of his five a day at tea then it can't be bad.

2. Homemadeness - only a truly homemade tea (ie no purchased multi-pack Penguins etc) could ever approach a ten.

3. Innovation - something new, or at least new to the scribe, is important. Ewhurst had a ham one year which was sourced from the local butcher. It was soooo good. They had fresh French bread too. Westfield had sort of custard pies. DBW created a new tikka sandwich filling a couple of weeks ago. Lingfield (Wickman thinks) had pickled onions. Someone else had beetroot in vinegar. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm *Wickman pauses to wipe drool off the keyboard*

4. The Tea (drink) must be plentiful, hot and served in a mug. It should not be the colour of milk. It should be the colour of Del's 20 year old jocky.

5. Abundance - there must be enough of it so that no one has to think "damn it I just can't take any more otherwise the oppo won't get any".

6. Presentation - vitally important to present the tea in such a fashion that the eye and brain can immediately sum up a) how to assemble the perfect plate - one of everything or should one stock up on a particular aspect such as sandwiches? b) how many people will need to be served from it (see 5) so that the teaer can take what's needed? c) has the chef added small touches such as parsley, lettuce (see 1) to show that the art of presentation is not dead?

Thus a standard DBW tea will score between 6 and 7 most weeks. The howler of two weeks ago fell foul of 1). Occasionally Wickman feels that the dodgy mugs DBW uses contravene 4). The homemadeness we all know is often totally absent unless there has been a wedding / funeral / orienteering meet.

Wickman hopes this helps. However Wickman will be enquiring of Lloydy how Matty D scored Saturday's tea as an ATS 5 and Lloydy scored it 8. An 8 this early in the season is just plain wrong. Mentally Wickman has taken the average of the two scores coming out a robust 6.5... [Here's a picture of a fantastic tea. This tea looks as if it could be a 9]

Cricket Force Weekend

Before the snow came on Sunday for brief moments on Saturday you might have believed it was spring. The sun shone. People daubed creosote on things. Chairman Wickles and Fixtures Secretary Lown rolled the outfield (remember the outfield last year? This year it's already like a snooker table in comparison), changing room floors were painted by Nate Dawg. Joe Hirsch and Tommy R (nice to see the new boys making an effort) showed up and lent a brush to the place under the expert eye of Matti D. Hibby, Powelly and Fudgey de-shited the shed. Alison turned up to breathe fire for 10 minutes offended by the concreting work undertaken by our good friends from the park.

Inside in the warmth DBW was busy pulling a varnishing act on the chairs and cursing and moaning about last year's Natwest inspired efforts. Tony C and Coley prepared the kit for colts registration (Coley has generously donated last year's kit to the club which is, frankly, Very Wick). Kirky did a bit too. Linter turned up and organised the sweepstake - which - while it might not have necessitated getting dirty, certainly seemed beyond the combined brainpower of the rest of those assembled. In the end Powelly seemed to have the correct horse for the course.

This time last year the sun was blazing, the ground was harder than a group of skinheads inhaling glue and we had four glorious weekends of sunshine to play cricket and fix the place up. Something tells Wickman, as he observed the Wick under two inches of snow and local ruddy faced youths rolling snowmen on the outfield that our friendly calendar may not quite proceed with the same brio. Someone said Crossbats had their first game on Saturday. Would be good to see a match report and to check that all their extremities haven't fallen victim to frostbite.

For those of you that weren't able to make it on Saturday the club is still where we left it last year you will be relieved to know...

Quelle surprise - 2s washed out as Surrey floods

Once again the rain destroyed any chance of a particularly competitive match. With the water table high after torrential rain on Friday that saw much of Kingston submerged, the merest hint of rain was likely to call time on proceedings.

In the event a deluge just as the warm up had finished almost did for the game right there and then. Oh cruel fates. To feel again the sweat of warm up induced endeavour rather than the perspiration caused by cans at Cannes, to taste and savour the red leicester and onion of a DBW open sandwich rather than the oh so fussy Roquefort so beloved of the Provencale, and later to exchange pints of Morland for the demis of frothy French lager would have been as sweet as any honey had we also despatched Carshalton.

But, once we were able to get a game started at 3.45pm, the rain returned in ever increasing intensity. There was time for Forbesy to bat as classily as he did at Guildford and reach 43 not out. There was time to see MS, Coley, Marfleet and Clarky all attempt to get on with it and perish with a couple of them surprised to be fingered for LBWs they believed were high wide and handsome (but what bat walks for LBW?). And then it came down too hard to have any real prospect of getting a game finished at about 5.30pm just as The Wick needed to push on and set 130 for Carshalton to chase in 26.

Perhaps we could have got a result from the game - but bowling out any side in 26 overs is tough and it would have needed a spectacular collapse. Frankly this championship (five games to go for the twos) could well be decided by which side can get a full game and 20 points in, in between the bouts of weather that seem set to dog cricket lovers this summer. There doesn't seem to have been much cricket played in Div 2 Second xi this week with Guildford, Merrow and Lingfield missing out as Wickman writes, so no major upsets. But August 4th is the Wick's weekend off. What price a burning hot scorcher and 20 points for most of the chasing pack?

This championship, for all the bravado of a recent Wickman correspondent's view, is not all over. The destination of it is definitely in our hands because the Wick has the points on the board and leads the table by 31 points. But there is still plenty of time for a slip up or two. It's up to us to remain unbeaten this season. Let's hope we get five more chances to do just that.

A Wick Wash Summer

Even by English standards this summer has been a bit of a wet one. Green tops a plenty means a summer of certainty on two fronts for seamers - Long sleeve sweaters and a hat full of wickets. That is assuming play is possible. April was a scorcher, whilst May, as you can see from the picture of Matty D above was a little moist. The general assumption was that the rest of the summer would be fine. Well we're into July and it shows no sign of abbating.

Like most cricket clubs The Wick is no stranger to ducks. In fact so common are they that we've had to start fining members who bring one home with them after a game - May I propose that Jimmy C also be fined for some of the things he's been bringing home. In all seriousness though the duck theme had reached a new level of ridiculousness when some of the committee arrived on Tuesday night to find some new residents swimming around on the outfield.

As we said before we are longing standing supporters of Ducks. In fact it has been proposed by some members that we should approach the RSPB for sponsorship next year - Ok so they are charity but we are doing stirling work in the duck department. Yes it is a ridiculous suggestion but so far this has been the most ridiculous summer on record. The ducks were later joined by a heron.

So who or what is to blame for this weather? Well a few of the boys have been donning their Deer-Stalkers and have come up with the answer. In fact now we think about it the answer has been staring (and grinning) at us all summer. In fact the answer is in a name. We'll give you a clue: Wading bird, five letters.... Heron? Stork? Egret? Stint? Snipe? No it is of course Crane! Adam Crane! But why and how? Well before we give you the answers, here he is pictured gloating at the success of his evil scheme. Being the hero of evil that he is, he's even managed to grow new arms to celebrate his success Churchill style.

So what possessed this unemployed evil genius to effect such a plan? Was it because he couldn't score any runs himself, and was so evil that he brought rains upon the rest of us? Was it because he wanted to spend more time in the bar on Leo Sayers? The latter seemed the most likely to 9 out of 10 cricketing housewives surveyed.

Well here at the Wick blog we have some breaking news. Adam Crane is no evil genius, but in fact a victim of his own attempts to help the club.

After a particularly hot and barren spell in April the Wick outfield was lumpier than school custard. As the story goes Adam stole out in the night to perform a rain dance ritual he learnt deep in the jungles of Notibrus. Naked and smeared in DBW's egg mayonnaise he danced through the night to bring life giving rain to the Wick outfield. He shook Coronas like maracas and had cocktail umbrellas in his hair.

Unfortunately Adam's rain inducing bum jiggle worked so well it was still raining when the boys arrived for the game against Frimley on Saturday. With the game abandoned there was nothing left to do but indulge in a game of boundary boules, followed by a day and night in the bar. Despite a fun time for all though, Adam will be appearing one night soon at the Wick doing his naked sun dance.... Bird watchers looking for ducks with binoculars...you have been warned!!

DBW attains record 7.5

With not much to do on Saturday once the heavens opened, the boys were able to pay some serious attention to the works of DBW.

For once there was real variety and - with no real prospect of further play - it was time to tuck in. The eggs in the egg sandwiches were free range and glowed a bright yellow. There was a spicy sausagey thing going on. And other little touches which made all the difference to lift this tea out of mid season gastronomic torpor.

Cynics suggested that it was nothing but leftovers from the previous evening but Wickman's happy with that.

As a security guard of Wickman's acquaintance often says after a night sitting on his harris at minimum wage "musn't grumble". This week tea hit the spot.

Here the boys place bets as to what sort of binding agent will be used in the egg sandwiches. From left Hilly (behind post - get a shirt Hilly), Billy, Charlie, Cransey, Wrighty

Sunday xi vs Shepperton - by AJ

Having been 'stitched up' into filling the breach created by Goldy's finals, I was faced with having to motivate both myself, 6/7 other wick members, all of whom had consumed more than their fair share of Corona's/Magners the night before, and 4 bright eyed colts into a 45 over affair with Shepperton.

I could hardly complain though, having royally stitched the 2s up with their game with Old Emmanuel, and to a lesser extent, the 3s game away at BA.

The day was infinitely more enjoyable than the one occasion I captained last year, when Goldy gave me 4 players on the saturday night and cried off to play backgammon with his penpal. The outfield was pretty shoddy to say the least, but understandable given the lack of rain. The pitch was basically dead at the Millennium Wood end but played alright from the other. I won the toss and elected to bat (why would you choose to field first in 25 degree heat on a hangover?) much to the delight of the boys.

Mattyd and Zohaak opened up, and did pretty well, putting on 30 from the first ten, seeing off the new ball and picking off the odd boundary. Zohaak was playing with slightly more maturity than last year and was commendable in both defence and attack. He was followed by Garf, who proved (if briefly) that he can bat properly and get off his beloved 0, playing several effortless cut shots for four. He was unlucky to play on just after drinks and he was soon joined back in the hutch by yours truly, slashing at a wide one and getting a bottom edge to their eldery keeper.

All the while Mattyd was morphing from a man who had forgotten how to spell BDM into the player we all saw demolish attacks last year. His full array of pulls, hooks and drives were there for all to see, and he completely dominated our innings, making an accomplished 94. Indeed, this would have probably been a hundred if their players were a touch more honest with the boundary lines (alas, the groundsman has yet to paint them...ahem ahem).

Cranesey middled a bump ball into the hands of first slip and was unfairly given an over zealous send off by the oppo. Harry Copeland looked solid throughout his brief knock and his technique is definitely in good working order. Another of the colts, Alex Routledge surprised us all by middling 3 cracking boundaries in his knock of 16 (second highest scorer...oh dear) and was eventually undone by a pretty good slower ball. Fordy middled one done long off's throat and proceeded to unleash the full repertoire of his vernacular, a lot of eff's with the odd see you next tuesday thrown in for good measure. It's good to have you back mate.

We felt pretty confident at tea. 177 on a tough track was always going to be competitive. Tea was pretty special actually - how on earth DBW discovered to make a fruit salad is beyond me, but it was utterly faultless. A good deal of cold pasta was also served up, with all the usual trimmings of egg mayo, ham and cheese rolls. For once DBW had done something differently...

Our fielding and bowling effort was very decent compared to the general standard of the last few years. Appleyard and Fordy opened up, neither offering much to their rotund openers. Their Aussie had a decent eye (for a pork pie and a shandy too) and hit a couple of very well timed drives through the covers. Despite the atrocious state of the outfield, it was impressive watching everyone getting behind the ball and wearing the odd one in various parts of the anatomy (why I didn't wear a box to field in is beyond me. I must have a short memory of W&B last year).

Fordy was the first to make a breakthrough before Alex Routledge picked up 3 wickets on his senior debut. It should have been 4 but Craney dropped an absolute dolly at first slip off a well executed slower ball. If it had been a slice of Dairylea he would have caught it. Routledge bowled his full 9 overs on the bounce and didn't serve up much filth at all. Definitely one to watch this year. The Sith Lord (Steve Vaid) bowled a very consistent 9 overs, including a remarkable caught and bowled off an awful full toss.

Fordy's analysis was genius "that's the first time I've heard the bowler say 'oh sh*t' and the batsman to then say 'oh sh*t' to the same ball". Good cricket all round?? Merwin Man also bowled well on debut and was unlucky not to get any wickets.

At 120-6 (or something like that) with ten overs to go, it was game on. Craney came into the attack and bowled arguably his best spell at the Wick so far. Bowling full and straight, no one managed to get him away and he made the captain's job a whole lot easier during their run chase. Fordy came back for his last 2 overs, going for 4 runs and crucially, he picked up the wicket of another of Shepperton's 'large' hitters of the ball. Game on. 19 needed off the last 2 overs, Appleyard came back into the attack and bowled a very decent last over, only going for 6 runs at a match defining stage of the game.

11 needed off the last over, advantage Wick. That was until Craney's first was deposited from a good length into the door of one of the garages. Their supporters (a good 15 of them) were going berserk. Trying to repeat the ball the next shot, Craney's cleaned the lad up, stumps all over the place. Job done. Their last man didn't get anywhere near the next 2 balls, and bizarrely took an aimless walk down the track only to be stumped by Harry Copeland.

This was a really good game of cricket and it was encouraging to see people taking it a bit more seriously than in recent times. The colts system is obviously in rude health, and it is up to us to keep providing them cricket on a saturday and sunday to allow them to progress.

See you in 2 weeks. aj

Thank you Doddy

It is a sign of the times we live in when you are suspended by your arms half way down a man-hole, with your feet sloshing around in a several years worth of DBW Tea induced bowel movements, to look up and see your team mates, friends, and would-be rescuers holding back the sniggers.

Not only that, but half of them, instead of rushing to your aid have one hand in their pockets contemplating a grab for their the mobile phones so they can forever immortalise the moment their clumsy keeper fell in the sceptic tank.

I am just grateful that Doddy is new to the Wick.