TEAMS - SAT 28TH JULY

HWRCC 1ST XI V Battersea Ironsides (Home)

1) Davies
2) Ali
3) Rashid
4) Raza ©
5) Jackson
6) Madoc-Jones J
7) Crowther
8) Soppitt
9) Holland +
10) McMullan
11) Unsworth

Umpire: N/A
Scorer: A. Whicher

Meet: 12:00
Start: 13:00

HWRCC 2ND XI V Mitcham (Away)

1) Goulborn ©
2) Hirsch +
3) Deepak
4) Miles
5) Maloj
6) Cameron
7) Donnelly
8) Lown
9) Charlton
10) Linter
11) Nicholls

Umpire: S. Riley
Scorer: N/A

Meet: 10:45
Start: 12:00

HWRCC 3RD XI V Addiscombe (Home)

HWRCC 3RD CONCEED MATCH

WICK

TIPENE AND RUN...

HWRCC 1XI beat Chobham 1XI by 80 runs

'LITE DRIZZLE!' as one famous Sky Sports Producer/Presenter famously used to say on the Soccer AM weather report. And thus it was on a typical English August day.

The 1pm start had evaded Kam's knowledge, so arrival at 1250 didn't leave much time for warm ups. Especially for Tongshan who would be driving up late, leaving work at 1230. Upon opting to bat on what appeared to be a slow dead track, albeit a bit lively if yuo hit the seam, Davies and Ali were met by Mr Friday - the overseas bowler from hell who had apparently played against Mohammed Amir last year in the u19 World Cup.

A Kiwi, he was too quick for Davies who had seem the ball leave the hand before it dissapeared, Harry Potter style, the other side of the boundary rope, alongside its new friend Mr Leg Stump. 2 balls Davies managed.Rashid didnt fair much better, adjudged lbw first ball, although he maintains he was outside the line. At 1-2 off 5 balls we were in the sh*t. Enter skipper Raza who with Ali (Ali dominated the early partnership), took the score to 75. Ali perished hitting the buffet stuff at the opther end (everything was buffet comparatively) to long on. Cronin made a few, Crowther didn't, and then Raza eventually fell for an excellent 75 with the score on about 125-5.Enter Madoc-Jones C who took on the big man and slapped him all over the place. Great stuff. Pulls, aeriel drives etc. He fell attempting a Tongshan scoop. In between Tong added a single and Dutchy 1 3rd duck (3rd ball), before the final pair were brought together. Davies announced early doors that a score of 160 would have been enough, and we'd passed that already by the time the last pair took to the stage. 40 runs later, including a Paddy McMullan straight six, and the Wick were laughing at 227. Loadsa runs nad surely a record 10th wicket stand. Leggsy: 'What were you worried about?'

Teas - awesome. Not only were 3 Wickettes Ramadamning, but they had fresh pizza! And the bread was uber delish. 8 out of 10.

The response was eventful to say the least. Tong had to leave at 6pm (having arrived late!) meaning we would be down to 10 for half the innings. Then after half a dozen fairly uneventful overs, Holland palmed one onto 1st slip, and Raza took it in the brow, becoming the latest X Man auditionee in the process. Upon being helped inside by Nurse Rashid, he stayed off the field, only returning once Tong had to scarper. Thus the entire innings, save the first 6 overs, was conducted with 10 men. There were also 3 captains, as Raza, Tong and latterly Davies (advising Raza to concentrate on standing upright rather than rotating bowlers) took up the reigns. When his return, names of Cyclops and my favourite from Holland.....wait for it......'One Eye'. Brilliant. Bill Bryson would be proud of that one Aside from a gritty opener who scored a muzzled 64, Chobham offered little resistance (he was dropped on 10 btw).

Wickets fell fairly regularly once the first had gone to a good Davies catch at square leg. Ali, his best bowling performance since Sanderstead found some lovely shape, as well as good pace and caused problems. At the other end, the non-responsive end, Leggsy continued manfully, keeping a lid on things and allowing attacking fields throughout the innings. Toing switched eneds briefly pre departure and looked like Tongshan of old, some lovely extra pace and shape. He desrevd more than the 2 he got, but Ali was good value for his 5. Leggsys 1, a debut wicket for McMullan and a run out sealed victory fairly comfortably.

MOM - should be Ali for 39 runs and 5 wickets, but I will give it to Leggsy and McMullan for a rousing last wicket stand, and a wicket each to boot. Play played Greg McMullan.

Its too late for Tiddles.....

DUCKING THE ISSUE...

2ND XI SET NEW DUCK TAX RECORD, AS STOKE & OXTED CLINCH PROMOTION TO DIVISION 4!!

Result: Godalming CC - 2nd XI win 50 overs+bonus by 125 runs

Date: Sat 21st Aug 2010 @ 13:00

Ground: Hampton Wick Royal CC

Type: League : Division 5 - 2nd XI

There is an old saying that goes "In this world nothing is certain but death and duck taxes". A profound statement, wisely spoken however sadly no longer applicable in a world that continues to struggle with it's fierce financial foe. Like many things, Duck Tax was not recession proof and was abolished by founder Nick Clark in 2006. Luckily for some, especially the HWRCC 2nd XI, whom on Saturday 21st August 2010 would have set a NEW duck tax record, with no fewer than 6 contributing players.

People not up to speed on promotion pushes or top of the table clashes would have been forgiven for thinking that Saturday's match was a dead rubber, with both teams having very little to play for. However it was anything but a meaningless game and one that the 2nd XI had to win and win well if they were to apply any pressure on the top two teams in the league.

With 3 games left and the 2's having to win-in and rely on either Stoke or Oxted slipping up, we welcomed an ageing Godalming side to the WICK.

I mentioned above a quote that detailed two of life's certainties. One other I forgot to mention is the certainty that come the month of August of any year and despite lofty league positions, the WICKS availability becomes the weakest it has been all season and many other teams carefully manipulate the league rules to ensure they either continue their push for promotion or guarantee their survival from the drop. Godalming fighting for the later called on the services of former 1st XI captain John Milner, opening bat Tom Hickey and new ball bowler Sam Tunbridge all of whom were miraculously dropped from 1st XI duties JUST before making their 12th appearance for that side and therefore freeing them up for 2nd XI selection. You know, just in case the situation should call for it!! Our friends at the top of the league did a similar thing, with Stoke's Will Frost bagging 12 wickets in 5 league games having been "dropped" from the 1's.

In a nut shell the rules say that if you have played 12 games (two 3rds of the season) for a higher team, you can't play in a lower side for the remainder of the season. Hence week 11 becoming the most pivotal weekend of the season and one that has drawn recent (half way through this sentence) comparisons to the January transfer window in football. Technically these sides are doing nothing wrong and if the WICK were blessed with better availability and more players of a higher calibre that could drop down a side and make a real difference, then we would probably entertain doing the same, however it does make me sit and wonder if the rules could be different and these dramatic end of season changes could be avoided?

Back to Saturday's game and a brief summary of the "duck debacle". Winning the toss and bowling 1st the WICK dismissed all but the experienced Mr Milner for 174. A good effort but probably 50 runs too many having had Godalming at 96/6. Webster and Lown bowled well, whilst the others; Fudge, Donnelly, Marfleet & Cole struggled with rhythm and although their figures read well, we felt we had got away with a few and stemmed the flow b taking wickets on a regular basis. The fielding was bright on a dull and dreary day with Soppitt's catch providing a particularly early and very memorable ray of light. 27 extras also stood out, with Fudge being the main culprit, struggling to control the swing and despite the whole team telling him to slow down, still trying to bowl to fast. Fudge who only bowled for the 1st time in week 11 of the season, (see what I did there?) is perhaps wishing he hadn't! That way he would have spared this side the erratic spells he has subsequently subjected them too in recent weeks.

Looking back, tea should have given us an early indication of what our batting was likely to resemble. DBW is himself coming to the end of a long hard season and it was reflected in his culinary calamity. Lacking in both quality and quantity, even the egg mayo lacked guts and application something that would go on to sum up our batting display. 5/10.

I am loathed to call our run chase, "a chase". In order to chase something you at least have to fake a start, leave with intent and even threaten to break sweat. This was definitely not a chase. Godalming bowled well and held their catches but even they would agree that very limited skill was required on their part. Take the opener, Linegar for example. He must be 50 if he is a day and whilst he is wholly accurate his slow, left arm dobbers are crying out to be hit into the middle of next week. He is the type of bowler that if you faced him in the nets you would only get one ball every 5 or 10 minutes from. Not because of an exhausting run up, or because that's all he would require to hone his skill but because that's how long it would take him to fetch the ball from the other side of the park. Yet on Saturday we proceeded to play him as if he were Wasim Akram and as wickets fell quicker than Diversity on wet stage, this was never going to be our day.

So we crumbled to 49. The lowest WICK total this correspondent can remember in 18 seasons at the club. As a side we can only apologise to the WICK balcony faithful, whom if they had paid to watch such a heartless performance would have been banging on the home dressing room door and demanding their money back. The fact that they just quietly drank up and left shortly after stumps spoke louder than of any amount shouting or banging would have done.

The 2nd XI are guaranteed to finish 3rd in 2010 and despite this being a massive disappointment it is still an improvement on last years 4th place. Cricket is a game of stats yet some of ours just don't seem to add up. In the 8 games played against the top 5 teams in the league we have only lost 1. 5 wins (including a double over potential champions Stoke) and a winning draw meant we should have achieved more than we have this season. Points lost against Godalming (twice) and Old Paulines at home leave a bitter taste in the mouth but they will be the reason why we haven't progressed another run up the ladder.

We wish both Stoke & Oxted lots of luck in Division 4. Oxted are a proper cricket team whom deserve their promotion and are clearly capable of challenging for honours higher up. Therefore, maybe I should re-phrase that sentence and send all the luck to Stoke! The boys from D'Abernon are a nice bunch, who wouldn't say boo to a goose but without a doubt they were the weakest team we faced this year. Which leaves me scratching my head, thinking that something fishy must be going on...!! THATS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't have the prawns!!

WICK

WICK DOES TEST MATCH LASH...

SAT 21ST AUGUST - TEAM NEWS

HWRCC 1ST XI V Chobham (Away)

1) Davies
2) Ali
3) Rashid
4) Raza ©
5) Cronin
6) Madoc-Jones C
7) Crowther
8) Holland +
9) Tong
10) McMullan
11) Unsworth

Umpire: K. Nicholls
Scorer: A. Whicher

Meet: 11:30
Start: 13:30

HWRCC 2ND XI V Godalming (Home)

1) Cole
2) Goulborn
3) Fudge ©
4) Mackie +
5) Jackson
6) Singh
7) Soppitt
8) Marfleet
9) Donnelly
10) Webster
11) Lown

Umpire: S. Riley
Scorer: N/A

Meet: 12:00
Start: 13:00

HWRCC 3RD XI V Esher (Away)

1) Risman
2) Lloyd
3) Hirsch
4) Copeland H +
5) Edmonds
6) Bendall
7) Cameron ©
8) Selves
9) Robinson
10) Linter
11) Charlton

Umpire: N/A
Scorer: N/A

Meet: 11:30
Start: 13:00

WICK

TEAM NEWS - SAT 14TH AUGUST

HWRCC 1ST XI V Ripley C.C. (Home)

1) Davies
2) Ali
3) Rashid
4) Raza ©
5) Cronin
6) Tughral Zo
7) High
8) Murray +
9) Tong
10) McMullan
11) Tughral Zam

Umpire: K. Nicholls
Scorer: A. Whicher

Meet: 12:00
Start: 13:30

HWRCC 2ND XI V Maori Oxshott C.C. (Away)

1) Goulborn
2) Singh
3) Fudge ©
4) Mackie
5) Jackson
6) Soppitt
7) Sexton +
8) Marfleet
9) Donnelly
10) Webster
11) Lown

Umpire: S. Riley
Scorer: N/A

Meet: 11:30
Start: 13:00

HWRCC 3RD XI V Purley (Away)

1) Risman
2) Lloyd
3) Crowther
4) Hirsch
5) Copeland H +
6) Edmonds
7) Cameron ©
8) Selves
9) Robinson
10) Linter
11) Charlton

Umpire: N/A
Scorer: N/A

Meet: 11:30
Start: 13:00

WICK

And Something Slightly Less Rare...

The Old Charlie High duck fella... QUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!

Club Day Record Smashed...

Club Day is legendary. Each year something extraordinary happens to trump previous extravagances. In the accompanying video Wickman captures the moment where the first ever all run eight (yes eight - count them) was scored by Hulkomniacs skipper Matt Chinin. Unbelievable Geoff!

HWRCC 1xi v Byfleet (a). Match abandoned.

Two things are certain in life – Death and Taxes. However three things are certain in Wick – rain, selection issues and rain. Make that four things – it will also rain at some point during the season.

My memory has served me well these past few years. I’ve always managed to remember the month of the Mrs’ birthday (May), even if the exact date changes. Its not often I forget my phone, although when it does happen I get all giddy inside as when I get home I get to see who sent me texts during the day. I can also remember most times Saturdays were wiped out due to rain. Despite global warming, its definitely been a while since an abandoned game. Sanderstead earlier this year came close, although in the end we could have somehow won that one. Byfleet unfortunately was a different story as halfway through the game the world seemingly ended when a body of water roughly equivalent to the Caspian Sea fell in 20 short minutes. Lifejackets were called, but in the end the flood defences stood firm and we were saved.

I shouldn’t make light of flooding given current world news, but I will nevertheless.

KavarornHEYRaza won the toss and proudly announced we would bowl. Joy unconfined as you can imagine. At one point Linter needed a paper bag to regulate his oxygen intake he was so excited.

Tong and Ali opened up with varying degrees of success. Full tosses aren’t the ideal delivery on a green top, unless of course your name is Batty McRunhungry. McRunhungry took advantage of a few of these. In fact, he scored 39 runs in all, although there were some good shots in there too. It was a decent enough track, although if it misbehaved it mid so with such alarm even Linter was heard to call for the ol’ Piano sledge (see if he can play that). Ali was his usual mix of outrageous/unplayable and frustratingly wayward. At this point the small ground/quick outfield combo was proving an exciting prospect and wickets and runs both flowed. Tong was the better of the openers, more consistent and threatening. An lbw, and bowled (played on to a leaper) and a first catch for Murray on debut (Pineapple Dance Studios haircut et al) behind the Barrys. Linter also held an excellent steepler when McRunhungry skied one straight up. Well held – balls of steel (or white chocolate depending how you view these things).

Enter the Rash. His extra height and loopier action immediately caused issues with Byfleets troops. Immo is my nemesis in the nets, cheeky little snicks off the shoulder of the bat etc. He dobblies were nibbling like a rabid hamster and his effort was rewarded with a stone lbw to the dangerous #5 Buzaglo (Google: Woking, FA Cup, Buzaglo).

Raza joined in the fun (or ordeal) and pounded away (ahem) for a good 10 overs seeking edges. He found some, as well as a bit of timber. Davies took a very good catch (not excellent, but very good), diving forward a deep point/gully to remove the increasingly dangerous #7, before proceedings were rounded off with Byfleet all out for 155 off 43 overs. Tong returned to claim a cheeky michelle at the end, although in honesty we should have cleaned them up for no more than 120. The pitch was a Fordy Mate special.

Teas – decent. Fresh. Simple, but effective. Attractive tea girl (FIFY). Test match banter. Byfleet a good bunch of lads. 6/10.

Ali and Davies were padded up. Davies early, Ali late. ATS. We got to the middle in rain. Had you started you could have continued in this, but it was a bit keen to play in what was not cricket conditions.

Davies: ‘If we’d started, Id be OK to continue in these conditions, but you can’t start in this’
Umpire (Home): Hmmmm......hands stretched out. Lets go off.
Home team: WHAT? WHAT FOR? FOPR F*CKS SAKE. ITS BARELY RAINING!

5 seconds later the walk off becomes a run off as Armageddon strikes.

Home team: That’s why you’re umpire. Good call. Beer?

Game abandoned 30 minutes later when it became obvious that the 8 inches puddles won’t drain by 1830. And if they did, the game would be Micky mouse anyway.

Wick have had 2 games abandoned this year – No-one else has had any (apart from GC and Byfleet whom we were playing against). I cant remember the last time that happened.

Fantasy cricket week 13