3's Lose... Well it had to happen some time I guess

3rdXI Vs Old Tiffininans. Risman, Doddy, Lloyd, High, Cameron, Maloj, Caldwell +, Nicholls, Taylorson, Noor, Laight

Coming off the back of 3 straight (and some may say comfortable) wins, one would be forgiven for looking at this score card and saying “complacent”. But you would be wrong. My first mistake was telling people that Duncan had played a blinder with 77 runs and 4 wickets which prompted Fudgey to pipe up and say “ Perfect I need a number 7 next week Ithangyew!”.The next mistake was attempting to slide the highly rated colt Chris Madoc-Jones into my side which prompted Matty D so say ! “Are you sure!!” and my scribbling his name out.
The next heinous crime was that the IRB had rudely decided to play the Guinness premiership final on the same day as our game which instantly prompted Cranesy to go on a ticket hunt and join Dom on his birthday Leo Sayer. Couple this with opening bat Shyam Pushpanath coming down with measles and you have 120 runs missing from the previous week via Duncan and Crane and are an opener short. Following the steep learning curve that I cannot play cricket after an all night bender I took the opportunity to have a quiet one in front of Mario and Sonic Olympics and a Ruby. Perfect!

(Pop) Message from Charlie Fox
“Lloydy, lash tonight, exams finished getting on it”
“cricket match orrr”
“Don’t Worry I’ll get ruuuunnnsss”
Whatever

Toss won I decided to bat as the track was moist and were were fielding more of a bolwing side plus Charlie was looking like he had a night on the tramp juice (white lightening for those un accustomed to the nuances of stoodent beverages) and I thought sending him in early may have been the end of him.
Jimmy and Ian opened the bowling and tied up both ends for the first 3 overs before Ian managed to get their opener to sky one to mid wicket and into the buckets of Lloyd who waited an age for the thing to come down with snow on before catching it and putting it in his pocket. 4 for 1 off 4.
Good start.
Next over and still no more runs. In fact they got to 8 for 1 off 8 before Ian bowled the other opener. On came Muzzy and Maloj and snaffled for their first league overs of the season. Muzzy’s extra bounce accounting for the number 3 who was caught at gully by jimmy and then identical ball and catcher the next over to account for the dangerous number 5 and thennext over, Maloj took a fantastic C&B which he plucked from 2 strips across (god knows!). It was their number 5 that did the damage though, smashing first Kirk and then Keith for too many runs and accelerated their score to 130 odd before he fell and brought the innings to a close.

Teas were a reasonable 6 as a result of the cold sausages but only let down by the overly milky tea…. It’s a precise science don’t you know!
Doddy and Riso opened our innings and the former added to the clubs duck tax flashing at an out swinger (with the old ball?) in the 3rd over and sent the opposition into the kind of raptures usually reserved for service men returning from the battlefield. Lloyd joined Risman at the crease and seemed to be picking the ball well despite the short left armers both coming out of the trees, but fell for 6 playing across he line. The pain was increase when High who had picked his first few balls well had his middle stump uprooted as he did the same as the skipper. The wick were in trouble!

Cameron came to the crease and played selectively but well and he and Riso looked to be bringing the score along nicely before the latter holed out to mid off and brought new Wick keeper and debutant Alex Caldwell to the crease. Alex batted and kept with composure and experience which was in excess of his 15 years and it’s a shame he isn’t about much due to school.

The pressure was put on in a big way not least by Tiffs deciding to appeal for everything that either missed the edge or struck the pad, and by the constant chattering of the slip corden when we had been very quiet during their innings, which isn’t really in the spirit of the modern game. As time ticked on Cameron and Caldwell both fell caught and bowled respectively as did the chairman who spooned one to mid wicket. Frantic conversations were had between incoming batsmen and Lloydy and the draw was decided on as there was only 40 minutes left in the game.

Muzzy and Ian played with composure to see us to the last 10 minutes before Ian was cruely bowled by a grub hunter having seen the previous 2 whistle past his ears.

Last 7 minutes and Kirk and Muzzy were holding firm.
With 5 minutes on the clock, yet another appeal for caught behind was turned down by umpire Lloyd… funnily enough because there was no edge and that they appealed before the ball get near the bat, followed by an LBW shout, again turned down because Kirk was batting with a leg guard and the ball pitched outside off but boy were they grumpy!. Following this entertainment, I guess it should have been no surprise that the first ball of the next over struck the pad (again batting off leg stump) up they went. Their umpire used his good eye, moved the fastest he had all day and triggered Muzzy and bring about more over exuberant celebrations and hand slapping. A draw would have been a fair result we felt and to lose in such a manner left a bad taste with all the wick boys.
next week away to Merstham and hopefully better availability through the club should see a return to winning ways cos my corona just didn’t taste right!
Evenings festivities, Tun= lively Barcadia= even more lively
Duncan= vomming and the passing out on Cranesy’s sofa= Most lively!

3rdXI Vs Weybridge Vandals

Team: Risman, Pushpanath, Crane, High, Lloyd ©, Cameron, Copeland +,Kennedy, Taylorson, Nicholls, Ashmore

With the weather looking bleak to say the least you could be forgiven for thinking this game was to be a non event. However, whilst striding out to the middle for the coin toss it seemed both captains were keen to get a game in as it was decided that we would play through rain unless it started getting dangerous. So I promptly lost the toss for the second time in a row and having seen the damage our bowling attack did to Camberley the week previous we were put in to bat. Riso and new man Shyam looked comfortable from the off and put on an opening stand of 74 befor Shayam fell to a catch at point. The young lad sticking up a hand in hope more than expectation only to find the ball stuck and he celebrated like he had won the lottery. Riso followed shortly afterwards and brought Monkey boy to the crease to partner up Cransey in potentially explosive partnership. As it happened Monkey played a really nice innings full of composure and flair. Sadly Adam realised too soon that you need to leave the drive in the bag when playing on Kingsfield and holed out for a disappointing 6. Monkey and Lloydy put on a strong partnership of 74 for the 4th wicket and saw Monkey reach his maiden 3’s fifty with a number of huge 6’s. Lloydy tried his hardest to prove that you can drive on Kingsfield and was dropped twice on the way to 24 before playing round a straight one to bring Jimmy C to the crease. Jimmy played with his usual bottom handed finesse and ticked the runs along nicely. Monkey decided that his head had gone against their grenade chucker. Jimmy C disagreed. Monkey lost his middle stump next ball for 59. Told you he said. Duncan and the chubby chaser upped the run rate nicely over the last few overs till Jimbo top edged to the keeper and brought Harry in for the final few overs. 47 overs 215 on the board and Lloydy drew the innings to a close with Duncan on 37. Teas- Good with the foods of the world theme extended to some Italian cold cuts. Hot tea was unbelievably welcome. 8/10 With 20 overs being the magic number, the energy of recent weeks fielding performances continued and we found ourselves on top pretty quickly. Jimmy bowling down hill with pace and bounce threatened with everyball. A piece of captaining brilliance saw Duncan moved to 2nd slip and the next delivery drew the edge and nestled into his hands. 2 balls later and he has the number 3 LBW without scoring. Ian bowling uphill in his third over gets one to dip in and the bat gloved onto his own stumps to bring us to 3 for 4 off 5. Nice. Jimmy finished his spell with 4 wickets and Ian with 3, a comedy run out and a wicket for chairman nipps topped it off to win by 165 runs and send a happy Wick back to the bar with their supporters. Thanks go to Dave Ashmore whom I dragged from his bed to field for us and to Shyam for turning out to play on Friday night. Next week we are away to Wallington who were relegated from the Surrey Championship so should be more of a test. Fingers crossed for good availability up the club so we can field strong teams throughout.

Match Report - 3rd xi vs Cheam Cavaliers - by Lloydy

It’s good to be back…

The first pre season game seems to have come upon us at a rapid rate of knots. It seems like only yesterday that we were down in Southampton, the rain coming down in buckets, talk of league defeats by the narrowest of margins and people's individual moments of mupperty ringing in our ears. I almost fell off my seat when the announcement of forthcoming net sessions was announced. “But it’s still dark at 5pm and the Corona doesn’t taste right yet. It can’t be cricket time already.” Was my retort. In the preceding week the highs and lows of selection began to become apparent though despite having 30 odd players MIA we managed to select 3 sides for our first warm up game. (Well done lads).

The ground was a pleasant backwater public park beside Ham House for this 40 over a side encounter, where the trimmed out field was married up nicely with a nice flat but very green batting road. Monkey Boy and our SA overseas player began eyeing up the short boundary and I went off to win the toss, which I subsequently won and elected to bat.

We got off to a flying start as Forrest (SA) and Tom B-W (both hockey recruits for 08) set a ferocious pace of 10 an over until Forry fell LBW, (triggered by Kirky- sorry) for 18 to be replaced by Monkey who did what Monkey and kept the pace up nicely. At 100 odd of 10 over’s Jimmy C at square leg shouted “Is it 40 over’s each?” and our entire team grinned and nodded.

Tom fell having provided the stability for the big hitters to bring Doddy to the crease who started well and played with good composure. Monkey then fell going for 1 smash too many and brought Jimmy C to the crease with the words “Slow Down, Play yourself in and you have 28 over’s still to bat”. Doddy and Jimmy put on an excellent, composed partnership of 80 odd runs with both looking like they had been netting for months. 5 to go and Doddy was squared up in front with the ball staying low and LBW was correctly asked for and awarded to bring your scribe and skipper to the crease. A Flurry of quick singles and doubles ensued to see Jimmy C to his maiden Wick 50 before falling for 55 in the penultimate over. I managed to pick out the smallest player on their team to hit over his head for a big 6 over mid off, as part of a quick fire 16 and Harry smashed a nice 4 off his second ball before running himself out. 215-5 off 40 over’s… first game of the season… That’ll do nicely.

Teas were an interesting mix of biscuits and crisps out of the packet with a melee of home made sarnies. Slightly larger than we are accustomed to meant less gluttony all round but a nice BLT made up for it. Rating 5.

Our fielding was a little on the rusty side as you would expect and we were thankful for a slow outfield for once. That said, Kirky produced a lovely economical spell and was unlucky not to be rewarded with a wicket. Likewise Robbo produced the goods after an initial wobble and was equally as miserly on the runs. The oppo scored at about 5 an over and apart from punishing our bad stuff seemed to offer little in scoring shots. New recruit Nick Parkes came onto replace Tommy for a full 8 overs and was rewarded with a good 4-for and bowled a nice line and length. He was ably assisted by Jimmy c who kept the runs down and had their high scoring number 2 dropped twice before Tom B-W taking over from Nick at the tennis court end bowled him as part of his own 4 wicket haul. Dave Ashmore had little chance to shine but did get to briefly turn his arm over in the cause. All in all an encouraging start to the new league campaign with some excellent individual performances. Fielding and bowling practice all round and some consistency throughout the club and this will be a great season.

P.S Corona just tastes better at the wick after a Wickwash! P.P.S Here's a cavalier as driven in Cheam

Ditton 2s rearguard staves off heavy defeat

HWRCC 2nd xi vs Long Ditton CC 2nd xi (h)

Sayce, Fudge*, GingangGoldyGoldyGoldyGoldywhat’supginggangGold?, Hibberd, Clark+, High, Soppitt, Cameron, Greenwood, Hill, Lown

Long Ditton won the toss and decided to field

HWRCC 229-8 47.5 overs. Fudge 100, Hibberd 30
Long Ditton 132-9 48 overs Greenwood 5-25

They say fortune favours the brave. HWRCC were all bluster with the bat on Saturday but couldn’t quite boss the game with ball in hand. In the event a declaration that arrived at the right time technically was a wasteful indulgence on a day when the “margin of draw” was 97 runs.

Credit is due to Long Ditton who are the first team to get a draw against the 2s without the assistance of the rain. Heck this is the first 95 over game the 2s have played this year. That Long Ditton didn’t even get close to the winning draw, and only picked up four points in total, shows the relative inequity in the performances and suggests that the rules are wrong somewhere. There’s no value at all to Long Ditton’s valiant rearguard action. The rules don’t reward them for hanging on.

The Wick’s reward was only 2 points for dominating the match and 8 bonus points for doing everything except take that final wicket, absurdly imbued with 10 points all of its own. Ten points to winkle out a batsman with enough technique to realise that all he has to do is to not do anything aggressive and his team won’t have been beaten…

All the risk is piled on to the skipper who wants to win. For the skipper who can’t win because he does not have the resources, there’s no thought of batting first because if his side isn’t up to it, he doesn’t have to attack at any point in the game. He just sits back and preys on the need of the oppo skipper to win the game. Plus its more embarrassing to get dicked out for 132 looking for runs than it is to grind out 132 batting second blocking it out and squeezing boundaries off edges.

With respect to Long Ditton’s young team and skipper Knight who did so much to give us a good game, 230 runs were far too many. This is a strange time of year though. Teams that have done very little during the season to date are suddenly racking up 250+ and reducing teams to less than 100. Not very dignified to top the table and get taken apart. Elsewhere teams that have flirted with the top of the league are suffering mid-season wobbles which would make a Weightwatcher blanch. Guildford City declared after 40 overs yesterday desperate to keep their hopes of promotion alive and had 250+ overhauled… However a bit more bravado might have given us another five overs to do the job. In the warm light of Saturday afternoon 229 didn’t look toooo indulgent…

Our innings was a thing of great beauty. Skipper Fudge decided he would pinch hit. But once out there discovered young Colt Cheema in good form and with a slingy action. At the other end, Morton, a seasoned campaigner, bowled 15 overs of miserly medium away swingers in the almost Mississippi-like swamp heat. Neither Fudge nor Sayce found runs flowing. Both had to knuckle down. And once Fudge had banished a tendency to plant his pad on off stump and whip the ball around it to long leg, he looked the real deal. Sayce, as ever, played with technical aplomb and guided and urged the ball around the park while Fudge played as authentically but with muscle and slightly tighter technique than usual. Gone were the trademark flourishes and the extra waggles of a Garcia with the yips to be replaced with bludgeoning efficiency. This was good stuff.

There’s that bit in the Dambusters movie where, when the dams are broken, the director has spliced in dodgy footage of water spurting through a breach in the Eder. If you’ve seen the film you’ll remember it. The special effects genius of the time (early 1950s) has almost drawn the water on to the film. Still, it’s an impressive gush. Something like Old Faithful blowing in Yellowstone. Something like this happened to the usually even tempered Sayce with the opening stand in the late 70s. Suddenly the Sayce head received a rush of blood so stupendous that there was nothing he could do apart from slog a left armer up into the air and into the hands of one of Ditton’s youngsters.

The obdurate Sayce was replaced by the equally obdurate Goulborn. As Goldy held up the end that Saycey had been holding up, Fudge continued to make merry, dragging the Wick through the 100 barrier and into the batting points. Gold almost partnered Fudge to his personal milestone but perished to bring Hibberd to the wicket who was in a mood much like Toad of Toad Hall on receiving a new motor car.

This coincided with a odd bit of captaincy from Knight. With Fudge clearly flagging a few short of the milestone, the Wick in search of quick runs with Hibberd looking like forty agitated ferrets tied up in a pillow case, he brought on a youngster who served up 31 runs in two overs, most of which went to Hibberd and helped Fudge to reach a well-deserved 100 – the first for the club on Saturday this year.

It was strange because Knight later brought himself on and bowled three overs of extremely serviceable off breaks which claimed High and Soppitt. Those of us inclined to cynicism wondered whether he had held himself back while the really big bullets were being fired. Those of us inclined to seek the best in human nature imagined fondly that he was trying to give all his young bowlers a game.

Bennett – who caused all the bats problems – removed Fudge who had decided to begin pinch hitting only 90 minutes late. He then dispatched an out of sorts Clark who was so off his game that he forget to wear a thigh pad and perished in time honoured Wick fashion with his brains up his arse trying to pull a short ball that, surprise, surprise you’ve only seen it a thousand times, didn’t get up from the Kingsfield end. It was a horrible shot and fully deserved its £5 price tag and accompanying death rattle. Out from the moment it hit the track and inevitably sped under a horizontal bat like a tracer bullet. There was no point in any bat throwing or tantrums. Just a need for quiet reflection.

High then seized his opportunity to partner Hibberd in the search for quick runs and peppered the area between Long on and Cow with boundary seeking guided missiles. A rapid 28 was good value in the circumstances. The rest of the middle order followed Clark’s lead, Soppitt, Cameron, Greenwood and Hill not reaching double figures with some achieving only slightly more than others. 229 had been assembled from 47.5. A good performance in most weeks, but far too many for a Ditton side shorn of a couple of its strong bats (looking at Play Cricket).

Tea. No. Not good. Sorry. Not even quantity this week. I know I was not in the best of moods, but REALLY! 6.

48 overs should have been enough to truss up Long Ditton, bundle them into a van, drive them back over their side of the Thames, drop them in a field, phone the skipper’s mum, demand a tidy ransom, pick it up using an elaborate system of false bag drops and reveal where they were before they starved. But in the event we did not make the batsmen play enough when we bowled.

It seemed that none of the usual pressure was applied and that the performance was, well, just a bit flat. Yes Doc bowled with the guile and cunning of an ancient crocodile appointed Chair of Guile at the University of the River Nile (and was well rewarded in his first spell). Yes Hill made the ball talk, first in a high falsetto and then in a rich baritone, sometimes singing like Hibby, at other times swearing like a navvy with his thumb hit by a hammer. But too much hared harmlessly down the leg side or sailed wide of the off stump. We admired the shape. We were impressed by the areas (even when they weren’t) and we congratulated those two and Lownsy on the “wheels”.

At times it was too good. But in a game when we didn’t take a slip catch and the only edge behind was off a wild yahoo reminiscent of Saycey’s earlier moment, more needed to threaten the stumps. A lesson must be learned here. You need to make batsmen play. Doc deserved his five for and largely did just that. Hilly did get curl and a couple of wickets. But he also tested Clark to destruction who felt a kinship with Matt Prior that went beyond a tendency to shout a lot and slog runs. At least there wasn’t a Tendulkar to drop.

Lownsy also found the right line and, agony of agonies, took the final wicket only to be told he had overstepped. In between Hibby’s fire ball was discovered to be more Nov 5 sparkler than wrecker of street fighting video game characters and Fudgey’s occasional offspin would have been meat and drink to Barry Bonds the home run record hero of last week being as it was mostly full tosses. One of them did for Knight who threatened to make a big score against us as he slapped it in the general direction of Lownsy. Lownsy pulled off a simply stunning one handed catch to a ball that looked to be past him, dropping rapidly and generally not in an arc that Dom should have been able to intercept. But he did and it brought a win sharply into focus for us. How could we fail when such a stunner had been taken?

Fail we did. The last pair survived 36 balls and deserved their moment of quiet satisfaction at denying us a win. It felt like a sloppy performance. It felt like we weren’t penetrative. And maybe some quality in the pitch was missing to make Del so eminently playable on a day when there seemed to be enough turn and bounce for us to expect another 3 for 3 or similar. We drew by 97 runs which, if this were a straight overs format, would be a massacre any bit as humiliating as Custer’s last stand. But it isn’t and Knight, Bennett and Cheema amongst others can look back with some satisfaction on a job well done.

And, as Forrest Gump says, “that’s all I’m gonna say about that”. Scorecard League Table

Hampton Wick Vs Worplesdon & Burpham - Match Report

Hampton Wick 2nd XI vs. Worplesdon and Burpham 2nd XI

W & B 81 all out (33.3 overs) D Ford 7-17 off 17.3 overs HWRCC 82 -2 (19.5 overs) P Sayce 44 n.o

HWRCC win by 8 wickets – league table

Sayce, Goulborn*, Forbes, Cole, Lofting, High, Ewen, Copland Jnr +, Hill, Ford, Lown

You wait 3 weeks for a game then…

Our usual scribe Wickman is off improving his French this week (“Ou est l’estade de cricket”, “vous jouez au cricket?” “Je m’appelle Wickman” etc etc) so it down to wickman’s cousin to take over. (Who is wickman’s cousin?)

HWRCC turned up at home to find the wick looking glorious. The wicket looked like a wicket, the outfield was lush but firm, there were no ducks swimming by the boundary. The wick were thinking we would actually get a game today having had the previous 2 matches abandoned. There is no worse a feeling than getting a game called off. You spend all week thinking about the match, checking play-cricket, washing your kit, asking your wife for a green card to have a couple of beers after the match, when the heavens open up and decide to ruin your day. The recent rain has not been such a bad thing for the Wick, with record takings behind the bar for Saturdays after the decision is made at 1.30pm that if no cricket shall be had, then drinking all day and night is the next best thing.

On paper, HWRCC were in a funny position on Saturday with the amount of unavailables.. Fudge, Clark, Soppitt, Greenwood, Goodwin, Donnelly, Noor, Mackie all not available. So no skipper, no vice, no experience (Del) yet the side the 2’s put out still contained Ford and Cole from the ones. The side was also fielding young Harry Copland behind the stumps. 13 years old and making your league debut – not bad. Goldy, standing in as skipper (with the help from Fudge using a complex signalling method discussed later) won the toss and put the oppo into bat.

To say they started slowly is an understatement. Their scorer decided to do balls faced in the scorebook. The first 10 overs had gone by and only 4 runs had come off the bat. Ford opened up from one end bowling accurately with John Hill coming in from the other end with some good pace. It was dull – Dick Ewen shouting out he had been to livelier funerals then this game of cricket. As the bats decided that the thing between there hands would not be necessary, more and more balls began to hit the pads full and straight. This got fordy excited, with some menacing appeals. (So loud that my mum said she heard them on the Hampton Court flower show highlights show on BBC2 that evening). However, it was going to be one of those days when LBW’s were going to be as common as Jimmy C with a size zero.

The run rate continued to be slow and the pressure began to build up. Fordy eventually knocked over one of their openers with a cracking Yorker to break the stand. It was good pressure by the wick. It took us 12 overs to get the first wicket but the pressure and fielding remained the same. Out came their number 3 and back went their number 3 two balls later (I think asking for middle stump with bat facing forward was a sure sign). Another wicket fell to John Hill and at drinks they were 53-3.

After drinks, one of their bats, who had begun to get in, started playing some shots. Goldy, with the help of some interesting hand signals from the balcony from Fudgey involving a crutch and a bottle of magners gave the signal to bring on Coley for Lown. (At least we think that is what he meant). This seemed to do the job as the change in pace and extra flight bamboozled their good bat and he ended up playing on. From the other end, Fordy was in an angry mood. Getting no luck with LBW’s and the batsman not using the bats, Fordy began to clean up. He changed his angle to around the wicket and it paid dividends. From 68-3, Worplesdon were soon bowled out for 81 (they only had 10 bats but as their number 8 told us “don’t worry, he isn’t coming as his car broke down and anyway, he isn’t very good”). Fordy finished with figures of 17.3 overs, 8 maidens, 17 runs, 7 wickets – all bowled. 5 of these runs were from hitting the helmet. All 9 wickets that day were bowled.

Wick looked very good in the field. Pressure was on the bat from the start from everyone. Harry Copland, playing in his first league game for the Wick, had an excellent day. He was very tidy to the quickies and sharp as Delboy’s tongue after a few cocktails when standing up to Coley. It was actually a bit scary some of the stumping attempts he tried. This boy is Wick.

So we headed in after 2 hours in the sun for a DBW tea. 6.5/10. However, as we sat down to eat, the oppo skipper informed us that we should be going back out due to the time. Now I know rules are rules etc, but when you have had monsoon rain for the last 3 weeks, the one thing I would want to do is make my time in the sun last as long as possible. But this was not to be. So out trundled Sayce and Goldy (with sandwich in pocket) to get on with knocking off the runs. Both started well, with some good looking shots benefiting from some below average fielding, including running a single, then running another 4 overthrows as no one fielding realised the ball had been hurled to the boundary but not hard enough. Goldy then was unlucky to be bowled round his legs followed by Cole, who seemed to get the ball to hit bat and both legs before bowling him. Sayce was then joined by Forbes, who like Sayce began to play some lovely looking shots to knock over the runs. It was left for Dick to signal a wide with the scores level to bring home the 20 points for the Wick.

Overall a funny day of cricket. 20 points by 4.40pm, although sounding great, was slightly unsatisfying. Only 4 guys bowled, all the wickets were bowled and 4 guys batted leaving 3 unavoidable TFC’s. Having not played cricket for so long, we were left looking for Hibby to give us something to do. MOM goes to Fordy with a devastating spell which was just too good. Another mention to Harry Copland who performed with great maturity and really is one to watch. The lead at the top is now 32 points thanks to Lingfield beating Merrow (however Merrow still have a game on us).

So there are 7 games left of this season, Fudge, Clark and Soppitt, who up until this game had all played nearly every game this season, are back next week. We are heading towards the “business end” of the season where every game is important. Yes we are top, but we have a weekend off and 3 teams within 20 points of us (if they win their game in hand). Availability is looking great these next few weeks so with a massive push from everyone we can do well in this league. As Wickman would say

“Viva le Wick!”

DBW attains record 7.5

With not much to do on Saturday once the heavens opened, the boys were able to pay some serious attention to the works of DBW.

For once there was real variety and - with no real prospect of further play - it was time to tuck in. The eggs in the egg sandwiches were free range and glowed a bright yellow. There was a spicy sausagey thing going on. And other little touches which made all the difference to lift this tea out of mid season gastronomic torpor.

Cynics suggested that it was nothing but leftovers from the previous evening but Wickman's happy with that.

As a security guard of Wickman's acquaintance often says after a night sitting on his harris at minimum wage "musn't grumble". This week tea hit the spot.

Here the boys place bets as to what sort of binding agent will be used in the egg sandwiches. From left Hilly (behind post - get a shirt Hilly), Billy, Charlie, Cransey, Wrighty

HWRCC 2xi vs Merrow

Merrow 114-3 39 overs Rain 115-0 Sayce, Moore, Ewen, Crane, Wright, High, Clark*+, Goodwin, Noor, Hill, Lown

Rain wins by 10 wickets

Depressingly a game that was shaping up to its billing as a top of the table clash of the Titans was washed out at 4.30ish.

Merrow were inserted by the stand in skipper and HWRCC had largely pegged the opposition back with only Mead and an obdurate South African opener making much sense of the bowling before the rains came. Tight spells from Ted, Billy, Hilly and Lownsy (who bowled 11 off the reel) had made it difficult for all concerned. Merrow’s strategy – to sit in and see what they could get from 52 overs -looked like setting us a target in excess of 160 which might have been testing on a drying wicket.

However when the rain came it came in real torrents. So dark did it become that the trees in the park were no longer visible and within ten minutes there was so much standing water on the square (and in the hollows between the club house and square) that it did not take a genius (not that we had any) to see that the game had gone. At 6.20 when the optimists might have been prepared to have had 20 overs to chase the 114 at an unlikely 5.7 an over on something that would have been largely unplayable and with an outfield that would not have rewarded shots along the floor, the strip was still wetter than an Octopus’ front room.

So that was that. On balance 4 points suited neither side as Merrow failed to close the gap and The Wick failed to widen theirs to second and third place. Those who were picked for their batting spent one of those short afternoons in the field that leave one feeling slightly cheated, feeling slightly cheated. Like Cranesy for instance who took a blinding catch at short leg only to see the obdurate Jaapie stand his ground and the umpire (who had earlier thought that Tid was a new bowler mid spell so little attention was he paying) fail to spot the massive inside edge onto pad.

Next week we play Merstham at their place. The weather looks relatively calm at that end of the week so it will be time for The Wick to get back to winning ways if cricket is played. Our strong start to the season meant that we could afford to concede points to the weather this week and it doesn’t look as if any team will be closer than 18 points behind us going into game 8 of 16.

Collapso cricket sinks Guildford on cabbage patch

Guildford City vs HWRCC 2nd xi

Guildford won the toss and took to the field.

HWRCC 192-8 Sayce 50, Forbes 39, Soppitt 34

Guildford City 151 Soppitt 3-7, Ewen 3-36

Sayce, Lofting, Forbes, Fudge*, High, Clark+, Soppitt, Ewen, Greenwood, Hill, Lown

After every away game in the Fuller’s League this year the visitors are required to fill in a form. The form is an official record of the facilities visited. What happens with the data collected is not year clear. Perhaps, shortly, the Wick will receive a letter. It will tell us what we already know. That the outfield is a bit bumpy. That it keeps low at the Millennium Wood end. That deer dump on the grass. That we have excellent parking.

The forms marking Guildford City’s 2nd xi ground will be equally emphatic. Unfortunately the Old Guildfordians ground at which the 1s usually play was being used for a running event. All over Guildford slightly overweight females dressed in inappropriate lycra were dragging jiggly bits towards the ground, more in hope than expectation one surmised. Anyway, with the whole area under a sea of picnicking supporters and muffin tops, no cricket would be played there.

Which left your correspondent and his team mates to drive around Guildford, briefly stopping off to ask directions from a bemused Worplesdon and Burpham groundsman before arriving at something which resembled down town Bagdhad. Curated by Guildford Council this ground is a Barry Crocker bearing about as much resemblance to our own fecund pastures as, as Hamlet remarks of his dead father and his uncle, a Hyperion to a satyr. It was not the lush green meadow of the picture here...

Hyperion, Gentlemen, lest you forget, was one of the Titans. He was father to Helios, the Sun God. Shakespeare is suggesting that he was an all round good guy and someone to be looked up to. A satyr, on the other hand, is a grotesque creature, half-man and half-goat, symbolic of sexual promiscuity. A dirty sort of smelly thing, always rutting and probably, after rain, smelling rather grim. Shakespeare is not fond of satyrs. He is suggesting that a satyr is contemptible. The comparison, then, that he draws, is designed to tell us that the one is excellent, the other beneath contempt.

Which sounds harsh. But, like the Latvian Police, also fair. After a while the surroundings grow on you. But this is like the dangerous “office effect”. The office effect is a long observed phenomenon. It is where a perfectly ordinary member of the opposite sex joins a company and is immediately marked as a five of out of ten. Were the member a female she would be attractive, but largely unremarkable. Over time the individual’s personality, charisma and good eggness shine through and they unaccountably creep up to an unmerited eight out of ten. There is then a need for recalibration to bring people back to their senses because if a truly outstanding candidate were to join the company, with the scale so obviously out of whack there would be dangerous talk of tens or even, God forbid, elevens. And as everyone knows, there is no such thing as a ten out of ten.

Dear reader, I hope, despite these wanderings, that you are getting the picture. That, like a well directed telegram, the message has arrived. It was a stinker. The pitch was a patchwork of bare earth and closely mown tufts of grass. It was bereft of sightscreens. At one end we were lucky to have a half white mock something or other house behind the arm. At the other there was a children’s playground, and, gloriously, a dark red van belonging to Her Maj’s postal service. You couldn’t make it up. The pav was functional shall we say. There was no parking. All day dangerous looking locals walked dangerous looking dogs round the outfield. After Lingfield’s showers which, on weekends during the winter, might spit out icicles, Guildford’s were hot enough to cook lobsters humanely.

The pitch would play a decisive role in the game. Like an allrounder who boshes a quick fifty, pouches a couple of catches and takes four for, it was always involved. Whether producing a scuttler to bowl their unlucky opener for 49 before he took the game from us or in producing prodigious turn for their skipper’s offies or in putting doubt in the minds of nervous chasing batters it got involved in a big way. Every time you thought it had finished contributing it would stick its hand up or go through its bowling warm up motions in an exaggerated fashion to let you know it was there. Only seven batsmen made double figures.

Hmm. That’s almost 800 words without actually mentioning the game. Perhaps I had better get on with it. Fudgey lost the toss and, like Cilla Black belting out a catchphrase (Surprise, Surprise!) with the audience assisting, we were inserted. We were asked to watch Paul Sayce, on debut, and MS, bat. While MS looked untroubled he perished by edging one onto his stumps without playing as he has been known to. Forbes joined Sayce in the middle and a strange sense of calm descended on your humble scribe. As these two bats caressed and creamed the ball around the park it was very pleasant to be wearing the Dove, the Magenta and the Black. Class. Real class. Nothing belted, nothing smacked, nothing muscled all a joy to watch. Oh the off drives. Oh the glances. Oh oh oh oh oh. They put on almost 100 for the second wicket. Really, really good. Sayce perished eventually for 50, Forbes for 39. Both deserved more.

When Forbes played on too, echoing Lofting’s dismissal, Fudge, then High, then Clark displayed more lower order talent than middle order, collapsing, as they did, like the Hindenburg or R101 but without the loss of life. They went down in flames. Between them they managed to contribute 23 runs to the cause. It was left to Soppitt, once again, to mix aggressive shot making and aggressive running, to build us a defensible total. His 34 runs were invaluable. Doc swung baseball style at a couple to entertain us late on (loud Mooooooos were heard from the sidelines) and we took tea having declared on a useful (if slightly worrying) 191 from 50 overs.

And so to tea. Lloyd Grossman, that excitable foodie, would have struggled to find something to extend his vowels and consonants about. Welllllllllllllllll. Whooooooooooo’s in the kidchin todaaaayyy? There were no truly exciting ingredients. Lloyd gets excited by unusual ingredients. Ohhh. Kohlraaaaaaaabi. Mmmmmmm yesssss gooooooooooseberry. Fresh mushrooooooooooooms. Nope, there was nothing like this. Oh for a DBW tea. And it’s not often you see me write THAT! 6. No more, no less. 6. A D at A level. A pass, but not something you are going to rush home and tell your Mum and Dad about.

Guidlford were to be allowed 45 overs to overhaul us. And the way they set about the target it looked as if they intended to do it in 35 and get off home to watch some light entertainment on the box. My oh my did they play and miss to begin with. Goodness gracious did they try to leather the ball through mid off and miss. Crikey O’Reilly did they hit the ball hard when they connected. They put on lots for the first wicket. 70-ish. When four balls were bowled they despatched them. They could have charged postage and we wouldn’t have blinked. It was good batting. Clark grassed the only chance standing up to Krusty – a thickish edge that didn’t stick and looped to the floor. For a while it looked expensive.

While John Hill and Krusty bowled well, they will not come up against batting of this calibre every week. They will get away with more than they did another day. Ditto MS – who took the first wicket – the first of four great catches pouched by The Wick. Driving uppishly the very good Mohammed hit one towards Soppitt who managed to dive forwards and scoop one up inches from the turf at mid off before hanging on to it and doing a number of forward rolls. Genius and just the breakthrough we needed. Iqbal then smashed MS out of the attack – two huge consecutive sixes disappearing in the arc between long on and the stumps. He looked set to score big and take the game away from us.

With GCCC’s excitable wicket keeper at the other end things looked grim. GCCC passed 100 with only one wicket down. But the team hung in and an outrageous scuttler turned the tide to the Wick. Ewen, who had begun to get inside the head of both bats pitched one on a good length which pea-rolled. If it hadn’t crept through to bowl the bat, it would have been difficult to refuse as an LBW (note: none were given on Saturday despite some double and treble appealing by their keeper). The pitch helped us out – they must have been cursing the Council for putting them up on this rubbish.

All of a sudden things didn’t look quite so clever for GCCC. There was a sniff of fear about them. Early on, when the ball was disappearing to the boundary, there was some VERY cocky spectating going on. You would have thought they were 200-2 rather than 100-1. But now? Silence. Eerie. A very nervy looking No 4 came to the wicket. Scratched around and hoisted one of Ewen’s dobbers over Del’s shoulder. He pouched a second, excellent, catch. Quack. Mahmood, who had, as they say, given it the Barry McGuigan when we batted proceeded to let his team down by missing a straight one from Doc. Quack. Doc bowled excellently all day to return figures of 9-4-24-1. Control. Aggression. Subtle away swing. Really good.

The ‘keeper seemed to be Guildford’s last hope as panic set in. We mentioned this to him. Dick mentioned to him that his crossbatted style was unsuitable for the conditions. He ignored us (although clearly riled) and crossbatted a number of fours and a six. He seemed very pleased with himself. Right up until he slap / pulled the excellent Soppitt at shoulder height two yards to John Hill’s left. Hilly threw himself at the ball and held on to a quite stunning effort to remove him. And with his dismissal went all GCCC’s swagger and self belief. Rehman smacked one back at Dick who clung on to a one handed c&b. The skipper missed one from Del. Hussain was caught by Dom at full stretch over his head (goodness there was some fine catching) from another fine Del- ivery (see what I did there?). Aktar – not looking particularly proficient with the bat – called through his sluggish batting partner for a sharp single to Sayce. Saycey was having none of it and ran him out by so far that he wasn’t in the frame. Quack. A young player who hadn’t taken much part in the game then received the ball of the day from Lown who moved one away off the pitch to knock over the off stump. Quack. We had taken 9 wickets for approximately 40.

What a win! What a great game of cricket! To be so far behind the game and come back so emphatically. To stick at it and hang in there in the field when your cricketing brain said GCCC had it in the bag. Another win batting first. There cannot be enough superlatives to describe Del’s performance. 34 valuable runs to boost a meagre total. 4-1-7-3 with the ball. Two catches that turned the game around. He deservedly walks away with MOM. No TFC for this game as everyone turned up, everyone contributed something, everyone was part of a truly excellent team performance. Well done boys – it was an important one with others near the top of the table all winning. Let’s keep this level of performance going through June…

HWRCC 2xi vs Wandgas 2xi - Match Report

HWRCC 2xi vs Wandgas 2xi (h) - Scorecard

Lofting, Tideswell, Fudge*, High, Clark +, Soppitt, Donnelly, Taylorson, Noor, Lown, Goodwin

Wandgas 92 all out Soppitt 5-0-5-11, Goodwin 13-6-1-13 HWRCC 93-4 Clark 29*, Lofting 25

HWRCC grind out excellent victory

Those of you with young children will be used to Scooby Doo. For the purists, only the older episodes will do. The original theme tune, no Scrappy Doo and a Daphne that stirred strange longings in even pre-pubescent young men (despite ginger hair) are a potent recipe even now.

In Scooby Doo, you will remember, 4 youths (the aforementioned Daphne, Fred – a strange cravat wearing graduate, a loser stoner called Shaggy and an ugly bowl headed “intelligent” one called Velma) and the eponymous dog Scooby who, unusually for a canine, can talk in short sentences, are driving around in a van. No one knows why. No one knows why anyone entertains them. What do they do in real life? How do they earn an income? What relationship do they have with each other? If they aren’t related, who is chaperoning Fred and Daphne?

Anyway. Threre’s a mystery each week that Fred and the team have to solve. Usually Shaggy and Scooby, both of whom must be constantly wrecked, have to eat halfway through the story. So it’s much like a game of Wick cricket. The mystery yesterday was what Wandgas had done with their 2s.

An obviously understrength Wandgas were inserted and soon found themselves approximately 6-2. Tommy D ripped out one of their openers who played no stroke to one that cut back and hit his off stump via his pad. Skipper Fudgey swooped on a quick single and threw down the stumps at the bowler’s end with a direct hit from an acute angle to dismiss the other. They were soon in even more trouble as Billy swung one back to remove Number 4 LBW. They had mustered 11-3.

A decent partnership for the fourth wicket made a game of it as the Number 3, Bash (no kidding) assembled 34 runs mostly through point and between the posted slips and the gully. Their No 5, Winslade, had an early altercation with Clarky – who employed a limited vocabulary in the exchange – and displayed the only really obvious batting technique on the day. However he came up against Ted Goodwin in majestic form. Ted bowled wicket to wicket stuff, occasionally beating both bats off the pitch, and conceding only 13 runs from 11 overs. That Ted only took one wicket – digging one in against the number three who tamely patted it back – was because he was simply too good and all the bats could do was pat him back up the pitch despite Fudgey setting them a field which encouraged them to pay through the V.

The Wick’s quick over rate and rapid changes of ends meant that 20 overs were bowled in the first hour and the game got away from Wandgas. When Delboy was introduced to the attack, as is usual the opposition’s eyes lit up like the quiz machine in the bar. A couple of muscular slogs resulted while Delboy found his line and then, in four overs of mayhem he took a five-for to destroy the Wandgas lower order.

His first removed the barnacle-like Winslade who had laboured for three quarters of an hour for 8. Attractive flight confused him and he yorked himself, the ball knocking back the middle stump. No 7 was not a batsman. He poked around for a couple of balls before edging behind to a grateful Clarky to give Del two wickets in his second over. No 6 perished bowled round his legs a la Shane Warne. No 8 was caught by the same fielder, Clarky’s arm telescoping out to snare a good catch like Inspector Gadget. No 9 also found a way to get bowled. Absolute carnage. Lownsy, last week’s man of the match and opening bowler, was tossed the cherry as fourth change and bowled their No 10 who was making no bones about the fact that he couldn’t bat. No 11 didn’t trouble the scorers, facing, as he did, no balls.

An absolutely ruthless performance in the field served up Wandgas on a plate. The only catches offered were accepted with glee. Fudgey’s run-out was phenomenal and killed their innings before it got going. All the bowlers put the ball on the spot, Ian Taylorson getting some encouraging movement through the air, with Ted and Delboy taking the lion’s share of the plaudits.

So back to the Scooby Doo metaphor. With half the episode in the bag, we were beginning to see a pattern emerging. This Wandgas team was an imposter! This correspondent believed that the No 11, of West Indian descent, must be a pacy fast bowler. Indeed not. He donned the leg-guards and some frankly brutally red keeper’s gloves and took up station behind the stumps. He was definitely in disguise, and very scary. Anything down the leg-side became byes – 1,2 or 4 – and throughout our innings extras kept the scoreboard ticking over nicely. Clarky began to suspect that it was the wicket-keeper who had done it…

MS and Nevil Tideswell (having a pleasant weekend down South) opened our account. The two openers were decentish, one bowling big induckers the other bowling wicket to wicket. Nev’s rustiness was exposed early and he was bowled by one of the aforementioned induckers. Fudgey replaced him and was undone by a good slip catch against the same bowler. Charlie was bowled by one from the other end which cut back off the pitch. So far not so good. The Wick subsided to 28-3.

However Clarky joined MS and together they set about the flagging openers both particularly brutal on anything short. The change bowlers were not of the class of the opening pair (again they were dressed up as cricketers but were probably in disguise) and MS began to enjoy himself against them one or two lofted shots into the leg side for four recalling his salad days. There were to be no further real alarms as both proceeded comfortably to twenty-something. MS did perish when one stopped on him and he lobbed it to cover, but that only brought a beaming Del to the wicket who assembled a rapid 8 runs to win the game and with it the coveted MOM.

The opposition packed their bags and left as soon as they possibly could. They had descended into bickering in the field and using choice language to refer to each other. This continued as they left the ground. The mystery of the missing cricket team was resolved later. Apparently many of their players are Chelsea supporters so they had gone to the FA Cup final. There were 8 changes from the previous week. Good. Thanks for the points. They will, at full strength, probably do us a favour by beating other teams in the league. Thanks for that too. Frankly boys, the disguises as cricketers didn’t quite work. With two players batting in white T-shirts, one donning a hooded top to field, you weren’t convincing…

DBW provided the Scooby snacks (7/10 – addition of pate sandwiches – unusual but much admired).

MOM Delboy pictured here with jug. TFC Tidy… pictured here with some new duck friends.

2s Match Report - vs Ewhurst

Ewhurst 2xi vs HWRCC 2xi

Fudge*, Clark +, Hibberd, Mackie, Lown, Crane, Taylorson, Hill, Donnelly, Soppitt, High

Ewhurst 76 All out John Hill 3-11 Dominic Lown 2-23 HWRCC 80-2 Mackie 31*

There was a point at approximately 11.30am on Saturday when Clarky was considering suicide. Having spent the morning ironing his jockstrap, refolding his socks and polishing the studs on his boots, the news that Ewhurst wanted to call the game off two hours before the scheduled start time was too much to bear.

The league rule book was consulted and the decision taken that we should at least turn up, have a look for ourselves and decide whether it was worth hanging around until the latest possible start time to see if we could get a game in.

A convoy was assembled. Cranesy, chav naved up, headed us off down the A3 via some gnarly traffic jams in Kingston. Go via Hampton Court next time Cranesy or... Anyway it then absolutely hosed down. There were ducks which took one look at the rain and decided they were better off indoors watching Grandstand. We reached Ewhurst, having undertaken what felt like a stage of the RAC Rally only to be surprised by an outfield which was playable and a square which, with a bit of luck, a strong cross breeze and no more rain, would be definitely playable by 2.30.

Spirits were raised. Playing at Ewhurst is a rare pleasure in the Fuller’s League. A village ground, complete with duck pond, cottages and houses bordering the boundary and a sleepy B road along which at one point a horse and trap made stately progress, is almost as attractive a proposition as our own Wick. Plus the refresments, with ham prepared by a local butcher only a day or so earlier, were of a standard which will be difficult to find again this year. The tea was strong enough to suit even those that like it the colour of Scooby Doo. 8/10.

To the cricket. The wicket had dried sufficiently by the start time to be reasonably one paced from the off. Tommy D and Dommy L opened up and grew into impressive rhythm. Their skipper, Greenaway, decided to hit the ball hard and straight and anything pitched up, went. The opening partnership had them rattling along at 5. Not the bright start to the season anticipated by seasoned Wickmen. However he was sawn off when Dom brought one back. There was, according to some observers, a hint of bat and it was evident that the decision was not well thought of. However, Tommy D removed the No 3 in the same fashion with a rapid Yorker which was much less debateable.

The other opener, Arrowsmith, was circumspect and only essayed attacking shots when the ball was pitched up or sufficiently wide of off stump for him to be certain it wasn’t coming back. This was the right approach in the circumstances and despite a slice of fortune when he was put down at point, he largely mastered the conditions to assemble Ewhurst’s top score of 27. Tommy D was replaced by John Hill for his first bowl for many months. However as the runs were drying up the pressure got to No 4 who skied an attempted pull back to Hill. John went on to take 3 wickets, bowling two more bats to enjoy a thoroughly satisfactory comeback game finishing with 7-3-11-3.

At the other end Dommy was turning in an excellent performance. As his line improved, so it became more and more difficult to get him away. Eventually slightly more lift saw No 5 shovel one up in the air in the direction of short leg, a sprightly Clark alert enough to make the ground to pouch the catch with little fuss but perhaps over-exuberant celebration. Dom finished with excellent figures of 12-3-23-2 easily picking up MOM.

Hibby eventually replaced Dom to allow him to recover from his exertions. An amount of loud chat ensued designed to convince the batsman that he was a spinner. Three fireballs later and the poor lad was back in the hutch, bowled, much bemused and muttering “I thought he was a spinner”. With little batting left, Arrowsmith sought to get after the bowling and took a number of strides down the wicket to attempt to smite, like an ancient warrior, the opposition into the wilderness. No smiting resulted though as he failed to connect. Clark gathered and removed the bails.

This brought to the wicket a cricketer so diminutive that he was batting with a size 4 bat and the stumps dwarfed him. Hibby tossed his last ball up and it was stoutly and robustly defended. John was unable to remove the No 9 at the other end so it was clear that to remove this junior Trevor Bailey, guile would needs be employed. Del was brought on, flighted a couple of beauties, and following some confusion and Matrix skills, Clark was able to stump a second victim. Ewhurst all out for 76 from approximately 40-2.

The performance in the field, perfectly marshalled by skipper Fudge, was, if not top drawer then certainly the next drawer down. Three catches were grassed – one a running effort that went to ground the second at the wicket off an under edge and the third by Cranesy leaping like a plate of smoked salmon to spill one over his shoulder. None was straightforward. Clark stood up for all but the opening balls from each bowler adding additional pressure and forcing the bats to remain rooted to the spot. He amused all by falling over in collecting a throw and demolishing the stumps to such an extent that they weren’t straight again in the game. Keanu Reeves eat your heart out.

Our reply was brisk and business like, the target achieved in 12.1 overs. Three sixes were hit, the best a pick up over the pavilion by Mackie that was effortless. Hibby and Cranesy perished “getting on with it” leaving Mackie to make the only sizeable score for the Wick – useful red ink improving his lifetime average a percentage point or two. High remained not out, one giant six over long off his major contribution. Clark was left padded up with nowhere to go for the second year running at Ewhurst. Ian T achieved an unfortunate TFC, Ewhurst running out of batting just before he was employed.

All in all a very positive start for the 2s under Fudgey this year. Job done, 20 points and back to the Wick to find the 1s had applied the coup de grace to their oppo to cement a Wickwash on the first weekend of the season. Some more time with the willow would perhaps have been of benefit, but, frankly, 20 points are 20 points.

2s vs Old Emms - or how AJ stitched us up

HWRCC 2xi vs Old Emmanual 1xi (enough said).

OE 256-4 (40 overs) No 4 100*

HWRCC 140ish – 8 (40 overs) Hibberd 33

HWRCC: A Moore, P Hibberd, D Fudge, N Clark +, C High, B Daly, D Soppitt, J Cameron, T Donnelly, D Lown, M Noor

The most important call on Saturday for the 2s was not that made at the toss by the opposition captain but the one made by Alexander George Edward Jackson when booking the fixture. Your correspondent imagines it thus:

OE Fixtures Sec Telephone: Ring ring, ringety-ring (repeat x 4) AGEJ: Lazy sold answer the phone, answer the phone OEFS: Hello, you are through to John Doe Plastics, how can I help you? AGEJ: You the fixtures sec for OEs then buddy? OEFS: Er, ah ha, yes, at work you know, got to pretend. AGEJ: Yeah me too, my boss doesn’t mind though he plays down at the club. OEFS: Lucky. Talk much cricket in the office does he? AGEJ: Yeah mate, but he’s got a rubbish imaginary square cut. ATS. FACT. Right, let’s do some business. OEFS: What have you got mate? AGEJ: Cheeky pre-season date. Looking at the 28th April. OEFS: Good stuff – I can give you our 1s. 2nd Div, Surrey Champ, job done. AGEJ: *hesitates for a microsecond before imagining his fixtures card full up* Yeah we’ll have some of that our ahem 1s will be up for that, don’t you worry, they got promoted last year and everything. OEFS: Cheers old chum. Do you play 1s then? AGEJ: Erm yes, but I will be visiting my dear old Granny that day so I won’t see you. OEFS: Toodle pip then. AGEJ: All the best phone put down hee hee hee no one will know…

And Mr Jackson was right. We didn’t know. Right up until we’d bowled about 6 overs at them and realised that both of their openers were capable of absolutely timing the leather off the ball and could look largely unconcerned when faced with some banana-like swing and raw pace from Muzzybilly and some impressively gun-barrel straight stuff from Tommy D.

The message came through loud and clear when, having finally taken a couple of wickets (Muzzy uprooting one’s leg stump with a bigggggg in-ducker and Thatsamooray taking a blinder at ankle height in the gully off Tommy D), we got to look at numbers 3 and 4. We spent some time looking at both as they went about their business. No 4 eventually assembled a fine-looking century in fact, giving only a quarter chance early on when he edged a full toss hard and fast to second slip. You might call it a half chance at test level, but to pluck this would have installed the unfortunate recipient in Wick folklore. That was not to be.

A couple of other things became apparent.

Fielding on this outfield is going to require some guts and bravery until it can be mown and it recovers from winter use as grazing for sundry deer and football prac. Right now it’s hard work. Clarky, forced into a number of last gasp leg side Peter-The-Cat- Bonnetti-type interceptions early on was much chagrined by a number of balls that pea-rolled after pitching for a second time and made him look much older and less adept than usual. Others watched the ball zig-zag past them. Still others watched it hop over their hands or fail to take an expected bounce. For a while we were truly pummelled as the ball disappeared time after time. My advice? Long barriers and to note that the 2s are now playing away from home (in the cricketing sense) until May 19th.

This particular strip has lost some oomph over the winter. The ball tends to keep low when delivered from the Kingston end. A number of our bats were to be undone failing to get forward later on and it was difficult to get the ball away all day.

Dominic Lown was to profit from the bounce to get rid of their very handy looking number 3. A right hander who looked to have the class of an overseas player, had looked very accomplished and played some beautiful straight drives before chasing a wide one that kept low, and feathering it into Clark’s gloves. At the other end the No 4, left-handed Jaapie, continued to put the ball in all the right places.

Derek Del-Boy Soppitt was perhaps the only bowler to come close to containing him and used flight and guile to keep him subdued and delay his century until the 40th over. In the meantime Del tempted the No 5 to hoist him to a nonchalant Hibberd at long on (one of those classic Hibberd will he bother to catch it ah yes he’s got it specials). Clark told the No 4 as the ball hung for ever in the sky “that’s out that is” and it was.

Jimmy C and Tommy D bowled the death overs, Jimmy bowling No 6 with a shooter that wouldn’t have looked out of place in the hands of John Wayne and between times Fudge and Hibberd turned their arms over, but in the face of withering batting from No 4.

And so to tea. Fruit salad in evidence. Egg sandwiches as per. A good sense of vinegar in the tuna numbers. Encouraging start to the season etc etc as this is a friendly, no points will be awarded.

Our reply began at 4 an over and it looked as if OEs had not brought with them their usual opening attack. And frankly, given that they are a number of divisions above us, we were playing some of their 1s it’s probably a good job too. Hibberd continued to display good early season form, racing to 33 with one or two finely timed shots while Mooray looked less comfortable in his first trot of the season.

The ball, unchanged from the first innings, began to lose whatever shine it had and the phrase “that one kept low” was much in evidence. Hibberd and Moore both perished bowled by their No 3 in quick succession, who, it transpired, bowled leg spin in the style of Anil Kumble (ie much skid and just a hint of turn). This introduced Fudge and Clark to the wicket with 7 an over needed from 30.

Now I am not saying that 7 an over was an impossibility against this attack but it seemed an unlikely mountain to climb. Not Everest, or K2 even, more, perhaps, a Killimanjaro. Something that, with things in your favour, and some preparation, you could walk to the top of without too much bother. However, the pitch was not in our favour. I thought the opposition were calling it a cabbage patch at one point, but deduced that they were referring to a rather round faced young man who resembled the dolls of the same name. At least I think I have got that right. Accurate seam-up from the Kingston end did, eventually, for Fudge attempting to guide one too many to the midwicket fence, Tommy D feeling unable to deny the bowler given that the skipper hadn’t got forward. Clark was finding it difficult to locate the middle of the bat and was scraping 1s and 2s together in place of a decent innings.

Charles High esq visited the wicket briefly and took up where he left off last year, hitting the ball as hard as he could, quickly racing to double figures, often with assistance from the fielding side. Perhaps together High and Clark could have made more of a game of it as Clark found his feet in the middle but another failure to get forward at the Mill Wood end did for High (LBW to Mooray) and Clark, having located the boundary from some “we’d like to keep you interested so we’re going to toss some up” bowling perished at mid on for 25. Not before, mind you, setting himself to play a back foot pull shot (anticipating something about knee high) and having to play a hockey-style slap to keep a pea-roller out.

Some circumspect batting from Ben Daly and Jimmy C (work in the front room of his Clapham flat has ensured a more correct style than that evidenced over the winter) ensured we did not capitulate tamely and Del and Tommy D, in contrasting styles, brought the total to some respectability. Jimmy and Muzzy lasted out the final few overs of “right you have a go” bowling and handshakes were exchanged.

Some lessons were learned. Until the outfield clears up, bravery may just determine who wins games. Captains will choose which bowlers to use at which end to take account of the bounce. And we must all play much straighter and on the front foot for the moment. Despite a sound thumping in this encounter, spirit remained constant and it’s interesting to note that despite some dodgy ground fielding, what chances came our way were accepted.

With the xbats playing at home on Saturday, work being done on the benches and elsewhere, with a social in the evening (I can report that the London Pride was at a good temperature – I kept going back to check all night) and non-playing members in evidence it was an encouraging start to the season. Now it only remains to make sure that AGE Jackson esq hasn’t stitched up any more sides. The relative safety of league fixtures aside, look out anyone playing Wednesday, Sunday or 3s…

Wick does Ditton double - Mackie's Match report

HWRCC Vs Thames Ditton

P Hibberd, R Cole, D Fudge*, K Razza, M Mackie+, C High, D Soppitt, A Crane, I Taylorson, T Donnelly, M NoorHWRCC – 191 a/o Razza 49, Hibberd 46, Fudge 46Thames Ditton CC – 87 a/o Donnelly 3-30, Razza 2-17, Cole 2-5

HWRCC win by 104 runs

With resident match report writers unavailable due to prior commitments, I have humbly taken on the role of journalist-in-chief for the season’s second fixture, an away trip to Thames Ditton. With 8 changes to last week’s victorious side, the match was a good test of the Wick’s new found depth of squad. It’s a new experience to have so many players keen to play at this early stage in the season.

Captain Fudge won the toss and we decided to bat on a track that seemed firm but had a couple of lively ridges, perfect for the odd popping ball here and there. In form Hibberd and kit man Cole opened up and looked assured, Hibberd’s aggressive approach complemented by the steadily built innings of Cole. Another opening partnership passed 50 within the first 10 overs and the Wick seemed set for another big score. Hibberd, who had played some beautiful shots, especially an elegant flick of the pads for six, looked as if he could make it two tons in two weeks, but alas, he was undone, running himself out for a decent and quick paced 46. Some believe he may have run himself out through guilt. Three balls previously he had skied one straight up, the keeper called it… then proceeded to miss the catch by a good two yards. Village (see earlier posts). The Thames Ditton attack, however, was proving anything but village, and delivered an excellent workout with the league season ever getting closer. Fudge strode to the wicket and began to build his innings, just as Coley, who was well set, larruped one straight to cover who took a decent catch, leaving the Wick two down. Fudgey and Kam picked the right balls to attack and to defend. A superb sweep from Fudgey, timed to perfection, was a joy to behold. Kam fell on 49 LBW to a decent enough Australian bowler who had been doing a bit throughout the innings. Fudge and Mackie started with some decent running, taking quick singles and twos, until this tactic led to the downfall of Fudge, run out with both batsmen in the same crease. At 173-3 off 34 overs, the Wick really should have pushed on. However, with the track not playing as well as the top four had made it look, and some horrible attempted heavy hitting, the Wick collapsed to 191 all out, the last 7 wickets falling for a measly 18 runs.

Confidence was high at tea that 191 was more than enough on this wicket and so it proved. Kam and Tommy D opened up with some excellent line and length with swing both ways. The two openers didn’t last long, Tommy D getting an LBW and Kam proving too quick to the left handed No 2 who popped one up to the grateful Crane, who through the catch had effectively ruled himself out of the TFC award. Their paid overseas player came in and looked decent, playing some excellently timed shots on both sides of the wicket. One shot too many was tried, a horrible, out of character cross batted swipe, resulting in Tommy D and the rest of the Wick celebrating, Hibby claiming the game was over at this point. Kam picked up another, caught behind by the makeshift keeper Mackie before claiming the fifth wicket, bowled. Tommy D got the big Aussie, Mellman taking a diving one handed catch after some intelligent bowling from Tommy D who sensed the charge and banged one in. At this point Tommy D and Kam had done their job and Muzzy and Ian were brought into the attack. After some cheeky mind games, Muzzy bowled the number 7 with one that kept low and did a bit off the seam. Struggling with his boots, Muzzy bowled a mix bag, some pearlers mixed in with a couple of rough ones, but it can all be forgiven in the first game of the season, and the potential is there for a successful season for Billy. Fudgey then threw down the stumps for his first ever direct hit run out and the practice and effort of the training drills was bearing fruit. Coley came on, bowled two bats in two balls and was unlucky with another, seemingly, quite plum LBW appeal. It was left to debutant Ian to pick up the final wicket, an edge through to Mackie to wrap up a comprehensive win for the Wick. A great game to be involved in, an excellent fielding and bowling display, great batting from the top four and enthusiasm and motivation at levels previously thought impossible. Mention must go to Kam who did a bit with both bat and ball, Tommy D who bowled his 9 overs superbly, Fudge for his captaincy and Ian who produced an extremely encouraging debut with some good tight bowling, committed fielding and good chat throughout.

must also mention Alison and Tom the colt and thank them for scoring. There’s nothing better than looking at one of Alison’s scorecards, except maybe if I had made more runs! Good to see various Wick members popping along to watch at various intervals, it is great to see and at this moment in time I am far too excited about this season to even manage to put it into decent prose. MOM - T.Donnelly for a fantastic opening spell of 9 overs, 3 – 30.

M Mackie - nb Mellman is the hypochondriac Giraffe from Madagascar. Some say Mackie, well, isn't as unwell as he thinks... cheers Mackie for this. What a game to miss!