Duck Tax - League 2008

It's difficult to keep track of the duck tax contributions across Sundays and Wednesdays but there have been 24 qualifying ducks that can be taxed. That's one hundred and twenty of your English pounds. The most prolific duck maker this year was Junaid with four, followed by Harry Copeland with three. Ironically though the senior player with the most ducks, at three, is one Nick Clark. So it's a shame that the only photo Wickman has to illustrate this unfortunate statistic is a picture of AJ who got one on Saturday. Quaaaaaaaaack!

Jubilant Wick 2s secure promotion at the first attempt

HWRCC 2xi vs Shepperton 2xi
Shepperton won the toss
HWRCC 232-4 43 overs Wright 72, Goulborn 66*
Shepperton 80 0dd all out Lots of 3 and 2 fors

Sayce, Cole, Ghouldie, Fudge, Wright, Clark, Soppitt, Donnelly, Hodges, Powell, Webbo

Wickman was privileged yesterday to play in a momentous game of cricket. Knowing at the beginning of what turned out to be a beautiful summer’s day that only a win was good enough for us to gain promotion to the Surrey Championship focused the mind, straightened backs and puffed out chests.

For many in the team it has been a long week. Sitting at work and at home wishing the days away until the cricket could start was torture. Fear of failure was not particularly a problem but Wickman certainly felt that opportunities to wrap up promotion had come and gone in May and June at Kingstonians and Ripley. Only one more wicket at plucky Lingfield. And some shoddy fielding at Woodmansterne cost us a guaranteed 20 points. These were the margins that could possibly condemn us to another season trying to bully our way out of Fullers.

To wake up and realise that Saturday would be bright, sunny and hot was a huge relief. To arrive at Shepperton and find a fantastic club in beautifully quiet surroundings was a joy. To look around and see the expectation on the faces of the players was enough to lend strength. And then to see the opposition arriving in dribs and drabs, some long after the start time and to realise that three players were under 14, gave comfort that if we played the same brand of cricket we did against CMO we’d be up by dusk.

To come up to the top division of Fullers and get out of it at the first attempt was a goal that almost looked beyond us in May and June when we had slipped down the table after a run of winning draws against teams that didn’t want to play cricket. That’s what makes this format of cricket so hellishly frustrating. Teams come out to avoid losing games, not to try to win them. It is no surprise that the two most negative sides finished in 7th and 8th places in the table respectively, more than 50 points off promotion. Here’s a tip boys. Don’t be afraid to lose those games. You will get just as many points and you might even enjoy yourselves. Heck you might even gain some respect from other clubs. But its why we had to get out of the division. No one wants to play like this and everyone knows that to win games you mostly need to win the toss and bowl first to give yourselves a better chance.

So it was imperative to get to Shepperton on Saturday and play a game of cricket. With excellent availability on a weekend when all three teams needed a win, we had a strong side out. It was felt that it was a strong enough unit to win despite the toss although it would be nice to win one. We’ve only won three this year which has meant that on most occasions we have had to try to winkle out negative teams who insist on bowling first, moaning when they are set four an over in reply and promptly shutting up shop early.

Shepperton’s ton scoring captain of the previous week was engaged elsewhere and the stand in skipper made no bones that his primary objective was to give us as many problems as he could. He promptly won the toss and inserted and he and his young son started the game tidily and with some success removing out of form Saycey for four, caught well in the cordon. Gold and Coley progressed scratchily but with some efficiency taking the score past 50 before Goldy’s poor call for a single to Shepperton’s best fielder left Coley a bat’s length short of safety. As with the Chobham game some unhappiness was heard in the changing room.

Skipper Fudge looked to be in reasonable nick, but still struggling from his wrist injury he chased a wide one to point and shortly after drinks the Wick was momentarily staring down the barrel at 62-3 from 20ish. Ouch.

Wrighty announced himself at the crease with two beautifully timed fours and suddenly the Wick was off at a canter. Goldy progressed to a serene 50 while at the other end Wright had obviously taken this reporters words to heart as he set about smashing Shepperton all over their very nice park. In one over from a leggy who had the previous over looked respectable he hit 4,4,4,6,4 and nicked a single off the final ball to sneak down the other end and tee off there too. His fifty was so rapid was only five minutes behind Gold who had had a 15 over start on him. The carnage continued until Wrighty – who looked a nailed on certainty for a ton – was cut down in the 70s.

All that remained was for Clark to come in and ensure that a declaration total was achieved in rapid time which he did with a clubbed off drive and smashed pull for four before carting the oppo skipper onto a slag heap (the only blight on a fabulous ground) for a maximum. The Wick closed on a very robust 232-4 from 43 which your correspondent, although happy to see Clarky bat, felt was going to be far too many.

Tea was excellent. Difficult to find much wrong with it. Some fantastic melons were on display and if the plates had been as large as them then this would have been a memorable spread. Great to end the season on a culinary high with possibly the best opposition tea tucked under our belts. 8.

So on to the business end of the game. With one guy in the outfield who looked as much like a cricketer as Wickman does a fashion model and three kids who probably wouldn’t tip the scales at half a Clarky, one suspected that this would be a game of patience and cat and mouse. Time, you suspected, would tell.

Fudgey opened up with the old ball employing the spin of Cole and of Delboy. A controversial tactic designed to discombobulate the batting side the early strain showed on the Wick performance. The pitch had largely started to crumble like a Cadbury’s flake there was the sort of variable bounce one might expect to see on the fifth afternoon of a test so it was the right decision. But for some reason nothing would quite stick early on and Shepperton’s openers raced to 30 without much alarm. A chance was put down at short midwicket. The ball didn’t quite carry to Saycey on the fence at square. Finally though the result we were looking for turned up and the better of the two openers was sent back by Cole. There was still time for another half chance to go begging as the legendary Student Ray inside edged past Clark’s gloves. But after that incident the Wick suddenly found its mojo and the game turned inextricably Wickwards.

First Del floated and turned one past a hesitant forward defensive from the other opener to caress the leg stump. Then a useful looking number four came in a was suckered into hoisting a shorter ball to square leg where Saycey made no mistake of a difficult chance which might have carried for six. Powelly was changed in for Cole and with the old ball removed five with a snorter he could only smash to Clark off the outside edge. He trudged off having forced Julian to give him out which hardly seemed necessary so obvious was interaction between ball and bat. He left with advice about walking ringing in his ears for next season.

Number six was sent packing by Del, now bowling with the new ball and combing skid with loop, bowling what looked like the last of the really competent bats. Webbo had replaced Powell and began to bowl a decisive spell of fast medium bowling. As last week he barely wasted a delivery and Student Ray who had been quick to smash anything off line to the boundary (if not quick to take a single) was suddenly becalmed and looking unlikely to score many more runs. He would not as he shuffled across and was adjudged in front. His protests were audible but unfortunately his technique was such that he walked across everything and it was only a matter of time if he missed one. His was the only knock of real substance for Shepperton.

At this point the very grumpy skipper (almost Mellettian) then partnered a succession of youngsters against new ball bowling of some class from Julian and Webbo. Julian removed him with an absolute peach that swung from leg to off and bowled him comprehensively. A young leftie played on to Webbo and Julian rearranged the furniture of another. And we were there, on the brink. We were not to be denied for long as a youngster played all round a Webbo Yorker and the game was, deliriously, over.

Manly hugs not reflecting the pinkness in the badge were exchanged by all. The dressing room became lively with the singing of “Promotione”. It was emotional. Beers were drunk. The moment was savoured. And then a trip to Tesco to pick up victory booze and to Threshers for cold bubbles. And then back to the Wick for the best feeling in the world. Sharing success, champagne, curry, beers and songs with the members of the best cricket club in the world.

Absolutely brilliant. Absolutely and totally Wick.

MOM – Golby’s knock was the glue in the innings, Webbo bowled beautifully, the skipper skippered with style and authority but Wrighty’s knock was simply a class apart and transformed the game.

Promotione

What a day in the life of the Wick. At 10.30am all three teams had an outside chance of finishing the season in the promotion places. One team had an outside chance of becoming champions. By 7.30pm we'd had a Wickwash - which was all that could be asked of them - and the 2xi and 3xi had finished 2nd in their respective divisions. Promotione! No final day of the season has yielded promotions for two sides in the club. This is absolutely unprecedented in the history of the Wick. That the 1xi finished two points behind in third place is testament to the club's strength in depth and progress this year. The 3xi has had an amazing season. To get promoted at the first attempt in the team's first league season must surely again be unprecedented. Congratulations on a punishing batting performance on the final day. 259 from 47 was just the sort of emphatic performance that was needed. The 2xi similarly has played some amazing cricket this year, both here and last week. To go through the top Fuller's division at the first attempt is not something that Wickman has heard comparative tales of in Wick history from the balcony sages. Yesterday the Wick scored 721 runs and took 30 wickets. That is cricket. The afterparty was momentous and totally Wick. Wick men can pack away their gear for the winter in the sure and certain knowledge that a job has been done.

Battersea at home

Rain at Chobham

Perhaps the most extraordinary image is Mr Reactolite talking to his wife through a sock...

Just in case anyone was wondering?

What is belief?

According to the internet:

1. The mental act, condition, or habit of placing trust or confidence in another: My belief in you is as strong as ever.

2. Mental acceptance of and conviction in the truth, actuality, or validity of something: His explanation of what happened defies belief.

3. Something believed or accepted as true, especially a particular tenet or a body of tenets accepted by a group of persons.

Do you believe?

THE ORACLE

The waiting, the waiting! It's too much!

After an entire season of cricket it has all come down to one weekend of pain or glory. One way or another its going to be a weekend to remember.

Last weekend a Wickwash was the order of the day to get all three teams into the promotion places. The 1s came up a few runs short but the 2s and 3s both fulfilled their part of the bargain. A shock result for Stoke D'Ab 1s then kept The Wick just two points behind them going into the final week.

So now everything, and nothing, is possible. If all three teams win, the 2s and 3s will finish in promotion places and the 1s will have to wait to find out the Stoke D'Ab result to see if their season will end in triumph.

In fact there may be a few shredding nerves in and around the Dabbies' clubhouse on Saturday. If the Wick 2s win and the Dabbies only pick up 9 points from their game the 2s could even be champions. Cor!

Of course a win for Stoke D'Ab 1s and our result won't matter. But we certainly wouldn't want to finish below the poorly umpiring Guildford City so a win is important for even pride's sake. Even a winning draw at Shepperton for the 2s will not be enough with the Chobbies playing Whiteley Village and the 3s game is a straight tussle between Battersea and them. Whoever gets the better of the game will get the promotion spot.

The trouble is, its only Wednesday. Wickman has two and a half days to go and enough work to fill five. Not a lot is getting done. Wickman is craving cricket like an alcholic looks forward to opening time. Wickman can't concentrate for a single moment. Wickman's inbox is full of emails from people who are struggling manfully to get a week's work done but are failing dismally. Wickman's imagining that the denizens of Stoke D'Ab will be feeling much the same.

Wick win to set up end of season crunch game

Wick Vs SRK
Singh, Lloyd, Crane, Tughral jnr, Davies jnr, Cameron, Copeland jnr, Copeland snr, Austin, Unsworth, Lown

SR&K 139 all out from 50 overs Wick 143 for 7 from 36 overs(ish)

There have been many an occasion this season when either the bowlers or the batsmen have had a shoddy day at the office but usually one is better than the other.
A frustrating day in the field occurred on Saturday when it seemed that the oppo were just going to throw the bat and see what happened.

It transpired that this proved a successful tactic and to the dismay of the wick men in the field, SRK managed to edge, slap, tickle and generally basil their way to 139 despite the efforts of Harmy and Krusty who in truth didn’t bowl badly at all and took the opening pair between them, bowled and caught by Davies Jnr respectively.
Granted we helped them out a bunch by dropping 4 catches but they certainly seemed to have had their wheat-a-bix that morning. The big swinging (not hitting) number 3 in particular rode his luck before being caught by Zo at 2nd fly Gully off Jimmy C.

We eventually had them 8 down for 90 runs but that is where we let them off the hook.

Frustration set in big time as in the same over a yorker from leggsy was diverted off middle stump by the batsmans foothole (sorty it out groundsman!, no one likes to have one foot in a trench whilst standing at the crease!) and then 2 balls later he skied one which was dropped.

The fug of frustration was lifted momentarily when Cranesy mid over was chirped by Leggsy from square leg “Ahh, well bowled their Lofting” and then drew an edge with the next ball. Nice!

139 all out from 50 overs and the oppo could be suitably happy with themselves.

Now I may cause some controversy here because previous scribes have suggested that the teas warranted a 9 this week and one can see why. However, I will forever be put off the Chicken Tikka sandwich filler by Jimmy C’s unfortunate mid game faecal eruption 2 Sundays ago. In addition, whilst I believe that fruit (watermelon and strawberries in particular) should be a mainstay of any high scoring tea it was brought to my attention that single cream just doesn’t work. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not a dairy fan by any means- it’s all cow juice to me but even I know single cream doesn’t work with fruit!.-7

Nathan and Lloydy opened the batting and the former looked intent on playing the bowler’s in-swinging yorker off his legs, tried twice, missed twice and was bowled at the second attempt.

Cranesy to the crease, new wand in hand, full of promises of runnnnss. Sadly watched Nathan too intently and fell to a second ball duck. Zippy and Lloyd steadied things up and played themselves in before Lloyd mistimed one and skied it to cover to bring Davies Jnr to the crease and the fireworks began.

Having turned up late and been sent out to forage for white trousers in the dressing room (his had been used as a feline litter tray liner apparently) M Davies the younger quickly found his timing and unleashed a succession of boundaries which racked up the score quickly. Zo got a nasty lbw decision, apparently, so our resident Steven Seagal fan was sent in to keep Jnr company.

Jnr eventually fell for 38 but the damage was done. Harry resumed the batting form he showed before his holiday, to take us through the winning draw total with a succession of identical cover drives off the returning opening bowler. Each one heralding by a louder “Shaaaaattttt” from the growing crowd on the sideline.
Harry was soon replaced LBW by Tony to see off the total with a 4 down to the score board.


So where does that leave us? Well we are in the promotion spot, 3 points clear of Battersea, with, you guessed it…. Battersea to play this coming weekend! A win is needed and a win is what we will get. We all need to step up to the plate in a big way for this winner takes all game and there is no room for a scrappy performances.

BELIEVE!

Fantasy cricket - up to week 16 excluding 2's and 3's from Saturday

With one week to go it is going to be a tight finish. With locked up score books til Saturday, this is only a provisional table / players points (yes cransey we know you got 2 wickets and a duck which will be reflected accordingly)

2nd skipper leads the table. Has this been tactical? has bowling Wrighty 18 overs straight been influenced by other things? will he get a big score knowing he hasn't picked himself?

Good luck to all 3 teams this saturday. There are 3 tables a lot more important then the one below...

A few jokers in the pack see Wick home

Quote from Batman (1989)

The Joker: I've recently had a tragedy in my life. Alicia... [lays the mask that Alicia wore on the table] ...threw herself out of the window.

Vicki Vale: Oh, my God.

The Joker: But, you can't make an omelette without breaking some eggs. [breaks the mask and starts giggling]

HWRCC SUNDAY XI - 204 for 9 off 40 overs.

Maloj - 64+, Junaid 25 not out, extras - 50!

defeated Old Spenolians by 80 runs.

Vaider - 4/30 off 8 overs, Jimmy C - 3/9 off 8, Clarky - 2/9 (revelation)

"You can't make an omelette without breaking some eggs"

Such a wonderful quote from arguably the best Batman movie of all time. Sure, the hype recently may suggest that Ledger and co have produced a more stunning and eery display than Tim Burton's first work, however you can't beat the original. FACT. And as I watched the movie for the first time in almost 20 years on Saturday night, i can tell you that i felt just as scared as I had all those years ago. The joker still frightens the bejesus out of me.

And it was with this sense of fright that i arrived at the Wick on sunday to watch Jimmy C's boys take on Old Spenolians on a lovely late summer's afternoon. In fact, it's fair to say that there were a few jokers in the Wick's pack of cards for this match: A worse for wear Matty D (still struggling from a big one on saturday night), a gloveless Clarkey and Harry "H" Copeland, and a giggling Maloj were all put together in a ramshackle outfit to play cricket at the highest of all levels (that's how i'm seeing it). The question on everyone's lips at the ground (read DBW) was just how many eggs (players) would need to be cracked (play badly) in order to make that omelette (i.e. a decent score, etc).

Having won the toss, Skipper Jimmy C elected to bat on a beautiful Wick strip that had been freshly prepared by the club's groundsman, Veri Farkin-Funni. Even the lines on the track had been freshly painted, courtesy of the work of curator Bee Grade Actar.

Game on.

With limited availability due to a music festival in Reading (understandable given that Garry Glitter was headlining), Jimmy C sent out Matty D and Clarkey to kick the innings off. Matty D, who looked in no fit shape to be out of bed let alone onto a cricket pitch, played some beautiful shots that never quite made it to the boundary. Clarkey, on the other hand, eager to continue his recent spell of good batting by making a sizable knock, started off with confidence. It was going to be an interesting combination.

But sadly not interesting enough.

Clarkey was out for just 5 when he failed to connect properly with a pull shot, looping the ball to square leg for a simple, if only one-handed, catch. Harry Copeland and Sam Kemp, newly promoted up the order to try and refresh the innings, couldn't do any better with the bat. Despite being given the golden opportunity to get runnnnnnsss, they both gave their wickets away very cheaply (both caught) and were soon back in the hutch.

Matty D soon left the crease after being bowled all ends up, and Jimmy C and Tommy Robinson were also out after playing some ordinary shots. The eggs appeared to be breaking all over the show and nothing like an omelette was in the offing.

That is until Maloj "The Joker" joined the game. Maloj is a mystery to anyone who has met him. It is even alleged that, in a recent conversation with Jimmy C and Tun Up, he described Derrick Soppitt as "his mentor". While this might seem alarming to some, I can say that whatever Derrick is telling him is working after his performance here with the bat.

Right from the off, Maloj swung the bat around as only he can. The Maloj mentality is that there are no balls worth leaving and everything is worth trying to hit as hard as you can. With incredible whip generated from the bat, Maloj scored a cracking 65 runs to turn the match back in favour of the home side. To point out how good his batting was, Maloj scored about 20 of these runs from wide deliveries that were rolling along the ground. He even managed to hit one boundary from a ball that found itself on the next batting strip. Maloj was clearly the Wick's joker in the pack.

Aided by Junaid Iqbal, who batted beautifully and with maturity by making 25 not out, Maloj took the Wick to 204 at the close of the innings, a previously unthinkable total. In the interest of fairness, it must be pointed out that this 204 consisted of over 50 extras. However the runs were on the board.

Teas - 8/10. Perfect variation from DBW. It did a bit, yet with none of the serious after shocks which have been known to bring certain players to carry out their "bowl work" sooner than usual.

Heading out to bowl, the Wick got off to a confident start. Tommy Robinson and Graham "the teacher" Smith bowled beautifully to keep the runs down. Graham managed to pick himself up a wicket. Followed shortly after by a cameo from Maloj and Linter, who's bowling is getting back to top form, the Wick were still on track for victory but just needed some quick wickets.

The match turned when Vaider and Jimmy C were brought into the attack. Vaider, taking 4/30 off 8 overs with the turkish we all know and love, and Jimmy C taking 3/9 off 8 put the match right out of reach from Old Spens and ended the joking around. Well almost.....

...Having agreed to play Clarkey on the basis that he bowl a few overs, the Wick's wicket keeper stepped up (AJ style?) to roll the arm over and intimidate the batsmen. Bowling straight with movement and fitness, Clarkey managed to pick up the final two wickets to end the match. The occasion was perhaps not lost on the wicket keeper, who appeared to rellish taking wickets with - dare I say - a "joker-esque" cackle after each batsman fell. Job done.

Game over.

Having spoken briefly to Jimmy C after the match, he wanted me to mention the work of Alison in the scorebox who put in another magnificent display with the pen. An absolute delight as per usual.

Believe

Wickman Junior

Match Report - 2xi vs Croydon Municipal Officers

HWRCC 2xi vs Croydon Municipal Officers
Croydon Municipal Officers won the toss
CMO 89 all out
HWRCC 90-5

Going into the final weekend of the Fullers Division One Second xi season there are now three teams who could finish in the promotion spots and three teams that could end the season as champions. One of them is us. We are in the mix. Win and we will be promoted. We might, if Stoke D’Ab fail to beat Lingfield, even finish the season as champs.

The only way to play our game against Croydon Municipal Officers was to assume that Chobham would beat Stoke D’Ab and that if we didn’t beat CMO it would be season over for us. The Chobbies will play Whitely Village next week which we all suspect will be a guaranteed 20 points for them. Effectively if we weren’t ahead in the points table on Sunday morning you could put your mortgage on the fact that only freak weather conditions would keep us in the chase.

So this was a must win fixture. Before the game, mathematicians in the team had worked out that even a winning draw would dump us in the mire. A winning toss was desirable too because the xi was not exactly packed with the Wick’s David Gower, Geoffrey Boycott or Graham Gooch. In fact we were only carrying three recognised top six bats. The toss was lost, but incredibly CMO chose to bat. Little did they know that bowling availability throughout the club was amazing this weekend and they would face an attack that would destroy them inside 35 overs.

CMO turned up with what looked like the best batting line up we have faced this season. Some real strength in depth was evident here. Apart from a ropey looking leftie who looked to have learned his cricket on the Champs Elysee and a number 11 who had fewer clues than Watson in a Sherlock Holmes mystery (“Its lemon entry, Dear Watson” is the punchline to a poor Sherlock Holmes related joke Wickman remembers) this was a quality line up.

O’Donnell opened up and after a rocky start found some line and length. At the other end Tid was simply magnificent. Bowling to the Twilight zone of the Millennium Wood end he bowled straight and with pace. A left handed opener was left bemused and bedraggled as he passed the outside edge time and time again. Tid was unlucky not to be granted an LBW early on but then no one on our side was to be granted one by CMO’s imported umpire. He did both ends during their innings and didn’t give a thing. Wickman thought he umpired the LBWs poorly all day, culminating in finally giving one off the penultimate ball of the game which looked the least likely of them all. He always found a reason not to give his compatriots out – ball missing leg was his favourite – and the comedy increased during the afternoon as he found new excuses. One ball was apparently going wide of off stump. That would have hit the middle stump and nothing else. It was that kind of performance.

Tid quickly lined up opposition gun bat Harfield by bowling close to the stumps and having him play straight before changing his position on the bowling crease and knocking back his middle stump. Simply breathtaking bowling. Fudge changed O’Donnell out of the attack early, responding to a need to get the batsman to play. Webbo’s first ball for a month or so was an absolute peach which bowled the other opener through a big gate to reduce CMO to 12-2.

The fielding and all round performance at this stage had to be seen to be believed. Definitely the performance of the season every Wick man was throwing himself around the green stuff and the noise levels were deafening. No bowler was left un-praised and no piece of fielding was not remarked upon. We were assisted by a square that was in the best nick of the year so far. The deck seemed quite glassy and definitely had pace and carry if not bounce. No one got the ball much above stump height all day.

Tid carried on his amazing spell by stitching up the left handed number four who looked uncomfortable to say the least. Time and again Tid lined him up and he had no answer but to play French style to keep devastatingly accurate bowling out. Down the other end Webbo profited as, frustrated by Tid, he flashed at a wide one to give the easiest of catches to Clark’s left.

The number three looked like one of the better CMO bats. He profited from a tough dropped catch (one handed, running backwards at mid on) and a number of balls that squirted up in the air into empty spaces. When he hit the ball it stayed hit. Some lovely timing saw him larrup Junaid through mid on in perhaps the best shot of CMO’s day. Welcoming the number five to the wicket he told him to play “just like Sunday” which boosted Wick confidence as it suggested that the rest of the line up might lack confidence. Whilst the lad looked useful, his first attacking stroke went only as far as Fudge at cover in the air. Fudgey doesn’t drop them.

One of the more adjacent of the LBW shouts was turned down in this passage of play and fired Webbo and the rest of the side up to even higher standards. CMO’s father figure then arrived at the crease and complimented the Wick boys on being “up for it”. There was no question we were up for it at this stage. It was like bedlam in the middle, everyone on top of their game and with more chat than Richard and Judy. With CMO managing less than two an over they got to drinks four down for less than 50 runs. Game most definitely on. Wickman thinks its fair to say that they were shellshocked.

After the break for ten minutes the performance perhaps looked slightly flat as some leg stump full tosses were turned round the corner and what passed for a mini recovery began. But mini it was. Powell, bowling towards Kingston, was fast, skiddy and accurate and convinced Coydon’s big Daddy to flash at one outside off stump. It was travelling at some pace and looked to be heading between Clark and Tid to the boundary before Clark amazed himself and others by snaring it one handed when it was almost past him. Clark’s reaction seemed to suggest he was quite happy with the plucking of the strawberry.

Coley replaced Junaid who had another great afternoon with the red thing. He is increasingly impressing his elders as, with a season’s bowling behind him, he gains greater control of his inswing. Like a youthful version of MS he gets the ball to move late and now that 11 out of 12 balls are destined to be in the corridor or hitting the stumps he is a difficult prospect to get away. Batsmen now have to play him through mid on for runs instead of being able to look to fine and long legs for scoring strokes. The effect he had yesterday was to continue to tie down the opposition who must have been wondering when we would bring on Duncan Ross or Trevor Trundle so that they could get some runs.

Coley bowled his best spell of the season and removed the dangerous number three who top scored with 36. This week Coley’s stock ball was a flighted off-spinner and his spell was all the better for it. A passing gnat with a tight chuff looked like a complete slag who’d enjoyed a great deal of crafty butchering in comparison. He was unlucky not to get an early breakthrough when a sliced drive just eluded the grasp of point but he took the important wicket inducing a big leading edge again held by Fudgey, who, as mentioned before, doesn’t drop them.

Powelly then yorked the life out of the number six, a relieved Webbo saw Clark gather a looseish throw to run out the number eight by the distance commonly known as a country mile and Delboy drew a phenomenal one handed catch out of Powell at short midwicket. The word plucked could be used again along with the word strawberries. The denouement was predictable as an agricultural heave from the number 11 failed to connect and Clark collected and sharply removed the bails. The umpire at square leg pointed a finger to the skies and HWRCC 2xi had totally dismantled CMO for only 89 of your English runs. A simply brilliant performance. A testament to the team’s work was an extras score in single figures and a feeling of total elation was in evidence as the dressing room door shut behind us.

Perhaps it was the bank holiday, or perhaps it was the summery weather, but something brought the best out of DBW too. His tea was varied, fresh and included strawberries and cream. Strawberries! He gets a nine and best tea of the season. To knock him from his perch the ladies or gents of Shepperton are going to have to serve up cake and fine wines next week at a minimum at their chalet style HQ next week and no mistake.

89 runs to chase was never going to be enough on this deck – which if it didn’t have runs written all over it (what groundsman in his right mind would write runs on a deck – it would defy belief) was certainly a batsman’s paradise in comparison to some other rainforest floors we have played on this year. Even with a more flimsy batting line up than usual and with the skipper still discomforted by his wrist injury we had enough talent to get home, if not to romp home.

Cole and Clark opened up and did a good job of getting us a third of the way there. If neither were particularly fluent, Cole’s off drive looked in fantastic shape and Clark was confident of scoring straight or through the leg side. Coley became bowled looking to get on with it. Fudge and Clark then took the total beyond fifty before Clark top edged a pie to mid on. Fudgey then slapped another pie to midwicket. T Dizzle also holed out to mid on. But Delboy and Charlie took the Wick close, Charlie absolutely tanking it all over the ground, before O’D and Del saw the Wick level before their umpire gave his atrocious decision. The result was never in doubt from tea onwards and the boys retired to watch the thirds romp home on Kingsfield as CMO did not bring any drinkers with them.

This was an absolutely emphatic victory. A committed fielding performance destroyed a strong batting line up. Hardly a single ball (except all the LBWs natch) needed to be taken down leg side. The ground fielding was precise. We gave away perhaps 2 runs in the field. Extras were almost non-existent. Proper standards.

As was mentioned in the intro this keeps us in the mix. Win on Saturday and promotion beckons. Perhaps the Dabbies will screw up again (come on lads, this was the weekend you were supposed to win promotion and help us to second place – what went wrong? – send us your champagne if you stuff it up next week too) and hand us the championship on a plate like we did for Merrow in the final game last year. It all comes down to this final weekend to see if we can get out of the league at the first attempt.

It would be good. There’s no question that the negative, boring cricket of May and June at Kingstonian and Ripley is not the way to spend a Saturday. We all want to play positive, attacking cricket. If we get beaten occasionally (see the great game against the Woodies and the dicking by the one man of Battersea Onemanside) then so be it. It’s easier to accept a good beating than a pointless 120 run draw where the other side blames you for caning their rubbish bowling all over the park for 45 overs so decides to stodge out a bore draw for 25 overs.

Hopefully the Surrey Championship division five is the sunlit uplands where sides win the toss, smash it around and then throw the ball up to encourage a close finish. Do you think? We’d like to find out…

MOM this week was the team. Yes it’s a team game played by individuals but everyone was a man of the match. Everyone gave their best this week. Even Tommy, who almost got TFC. Hee hee.

Here's a picture of a municipal officer. He didn't play but hey.

Needed – One Wickwash

With two weekends left all three teams have an opportunity to finish in their respective promotion places – or crash and burn after long seasons. Whatever the results this has been the most exciting season for the entire club for years, or certainly in Wickman’s recollection.

The 1s – after a couple of disappointing weeks – now find themselves a point off second place behind surging Stoke D’Abernon. Two wins and any slip up from Stoke and promotion will be theirs. But with Long Ditton at the end of the season and a tricky trip to sixth placed Godalming awaiting them on Saturday the 1s will need to be on top of their game.

The 2s – back in the driving seat after a couple of shock losses, can finish at least second with two straight wins at home to CMO and away to Shepperton. Again, neither are easy games, but with Chobham poised to cruise to a victory at the end of the season against already relegated Whiteley Village, who are yet to post a win this year, win they must.

And then there’s the 3s. After looking dead and buried two weeks ago on the abandonment weekend when all around them won games (where were they playing???) the 3s are back in the hunt. Old Tiffinians have been fined 40 points by the League for misdemeanours, dumping them into fourth place. They were pretty much all over this blog a cussing and a dissing after the 3s game a while back (see match report and comments) so there will be a sense of shadenfreude in some quarters (not Wickman of course, he is above such things). A win this weekend for the 3s (again – tough oppo to negotatiate) will put them into second place and create an incredible promotion game with third placed Battersea Ironsides with the Wick needing only to maintain a points margin.

But this weekend is the key. Wins for all three teams will create possibly the most exciting final week in living memory. So its time for a massive effort boys. No one wants to miss out this season and the fact that all three teams have an opportunity to contest promotion spots has got to be great for the club.

Good ship Whiteley sunk - some passengers saved. 2xi Match Report

HWRCC 2xi vs Whitely Village 2xi
Whitely Village won the toss
HWRCC 201-4 Del 65, Wrighty 54*, Coley 50 (Clarky Quack! Ha ha)
Whitely Village 85
Fudgey, Clarky, Saycey, Richard "Daddy's on fire" Cole, Hand Junaid, T Dizzle, Sargeant Powell, Microsoft, Sleepy, Reactolite, Monkeyboy
HWRCC win by 116 runs

The Titanic was a good ship that unfortunately exceeded its abilities. With an unsinkable tag given to it by designers who had used watertight doors to prevent against basic hull holings, an ambitious parent company that wanted it to break the record for a crossing of the Atlantic and a captain who wanted to retire with the record in his top pocket, there were a number of pressures that determined that the boat would be steaming quickly across the ocean.

At the same time a bit of a glacier had broken off. This was an huge mofo of an iceberg. 90 per cent of this big boy was lurking below the waterline. This iceberg made Clarky, who these days has most of his ballast above the waterline, look like a mere ice cube. This iceberg wandered South and eventually, on a beautifully calm, clear night (so no waves were washing up against its generous margins, creating the white wash that allowed a lookout to spot an iceberg) ended up right in the way of the Titanic.

The boat, plus passengers, arrived at a point adjacent to the iceberg, in the middle of the night at many knots (which is some sort of nautical mph thing – Wickman thinks it was going at a fair lick, but not quite as quick as Coley in his Z3 on the way home from an away game). Boat hits iceberg. Big hole is ripped in the side of the boat. Boat begins to list. Posh people elbow aside the proles and head for the lifeboats. Chaos reigns. Eventually big boat sinks, lots of people die. A shite film is made and an ugly bird gets her Dominic Corks out.

When the bottom of the table team come a calling three games from the end of the season you have to work out who is the Titanic and who is the Iceberg. You might think that the boat is Whitely. That they, eventual losers, have hit the Wickberg and sunk to the bottom. But this fixture, with three to go in the season and a “must win” for the Wick could have found the Wick heading to the bottom..

If we had been guilty earlier in the season of paying oppos too much respect (piling on the runs at Kingstonians and Ripley before failing to take 10 wickets as barnacle Bill at the Old K’s Corral and then Comical Ali at the Ripley All Comers Circus basiled their way to safety) here at times we were like the White Star line demanding a quick crossing with millionaires on board. Clark’s dismissal, a sucker punch missing a full toss second ball, was rather like some fur coated, cigar chomping US socialite retiring to bed with his aged Missus thinking that the butler would clear up his spats and hat overnight and have his breakfast kippers ready in the morning.

All in all this was a vintage Fullers fixture and nothing like a Holywood blockbuster. Oppo skipper for the day Roberts won the toss, put us into bat and gave his team talk as “we have to do everything we can to stop them beating us”. Classic Fullers. No disrespect to them is intended here either. Let’s face it, the captain of the Chobbies said much the same the previous week although his goal was to beat us. Roberts was definitely going to try to play iceberg – restrict the scoring and bat for a draw.

Roberts opened up with a couple of useful youngsters who will form the basis for rebuilding the Whitely squad in Fullers Div 2 next year. Young they might be, but both looked to be reasonable prospects, Roberts Jr looking the pick managed to persuade Saycey to top edge him to midwicket where proud Dad Roberts took the catch. All rounder Ali also looked to be if not the business then certainly a decent start-up.

Much of our innings was then used as a loud coaching clinic by Roberts, instructing the Colts in the gentle art of fielding, backing up etc. This they did with aplomb. However the obvious distress in which the club finds itself (Wickman hears rumours of mass defections last year) was manifested in a number of senior players who found the round hard thing difficult to catch. Whenever it seemed they had opportunities, they were spurned – Wrighty was particularly lucky in this regard at one point he personally should have been 30-3 before he muscled his way to 50. Amusingly when asked how many lives he needed, he replied as many as they were prepared to give him. Someone then said 9. With more time he might have got a ton…

The stand out innings were played by Cole (looking increasingly classy as his innings progressed bringing commentary from his own watching wife that “Daddy is on fire” – whether this was a Cole / coal / combustion / the engine rooms are flooding gag Wickman doesn’t know) who passed 50 and Derek Delboy Soppitt who made 66 accomplished looking runs and battered the Whitely boys into submission at the end of the innings to set up the early declaration. This was vintage Delboy, timing some brutal leg side work more sweetly than a Swiss watch maker and turning back the years to kinder times.

Whitely were spirited in the field and even had time to sledge a departing Clark and played generally as if their lives depended on the result which is more than can be said for some of the teams that will finish mid table this year. Some of their fielding was textbook (slide and pull backs, pairs doing the fielding using flickbacks and even relay throwing) and if the catches that were dropped had been held perhaps more of the Wick’s batting resources would have been used.

201 was decided upon as a reasonable total leaving Whiteley 56 overs to score at 3.59. We hoped the sheer pressure of that much time would weigh against Whitely and in the event it did. However these guys went for their shots on the basis it was more fun to play cricket than to try to survive for three hours and get nowhere. They did at least try to take us down.

Skipper Fudge decided to open with the old ball, throwing it to Duncan and to Coley. Duncan’s extraordinary lack of pace seemed to mesmerise one of the oppo openers to pat the ball back to Duncan and leave the visitors one down in over one.

They only weren’t a couple more down by three or four overs because the Wick suddenly had a touch of the millionaires again. On board and having supper in the stateroom all sorts of extraordinary scenes occurred. With the starters came a flashy missed chance at silly mid which would have been a comfortable caught and bowled. In the main course Coley spurned a couple of tough caught and bowleds and Saycey spilled the soup down his front. Clarky threw the veg all over the place off Del and before you knew it, with no iceberg in sight, the crew were running around like headless chickens, desperate it seemed to steer the boat onto the rocks.

Goodness only knows how many catches we put down (although Wickman should intercede here and say that some of them were pretty tough) and other opportunities went a begging like so many Crusties with dogs on string that it looked to the world as though the Wick was a soup kitchen for the West London open air drinking classes rather than a thriving cricket club.

Eventually Whitely gave us so many chances that we took some. Wrighty snaffled a close catch that left everyone gasping. Clarky did some sort of matrix thing to take a looping outside edge off Del. Fudgey took a well judged runner at cover. But even the final two managed to frustrate us – a massively bungled run out, more spilled chances, overs where not a single ball would have hit a stump… the embarrassment of riches being displayed in the dining room would have haunted us against a stronger batting side. At the end though we were able to steer round the Whiteley iceberg and leave them bobbing along in the Wick wake.

Del stood out in this performance – the man with his hand on the tiller steering us to safety - and is justifiably man of the match. At the end of the game both teams could reflect on a good game of cricket played in the right spirit. Perhaps then it was not us in danger, but Whitely. If before the game they had the outsidest of outside chances to avoid the murky depths of Div II then afterwards their boat was sunk. Whitely are beyond saving for this season. But the kids in the lifeboats could be the start of something.

Chobham Vs Wick. 3's lose it... but win it.

Risman, Lloyd+, Singh, Crane, Robinson, Linter, Cameron, Austin, Parkes, Unsworth, Lown
Chobham 74 all out Wick 75 for 7

With the disappointment of an abandoned game against Woodmanstern when the top 3 all played and won there was a need to pick ourselves up, win our final 3 games and leave the rest to fate. We went into this game (in Chertsey of all places) sat in 4th place with rumours abound of malpractice with a certain team in the league and with promotion still a genuine possibility. Availability again caused issues but not so much that we weren’t able to field a decent side.

On arrival at the rec in Chertsey we were greeted by a hard bowling track, short boundary and slow outfield. Capt Lloyd prayed to win the toss and bowl knowing full well that we have the best bowling attack in the league even with a couple missing. Fact!. “heads please”… tails it is….”We’ll have a bat” said the burly South African captain as he handed me a team sheet with 5 under 16’s on it. I had to bite my tongue or would have blurted out “Are you sure?” but anyway.

Harmy and Krusty opened up and the pitch revealed its true colours with inconsistent bounce, a nice big crack on a length and the windy, over cast conditions providing some lovely movement. Junaid would have cleaned em up in the 1st over Fact! But as it was we had to wait for Harmy’s second before the opener played over a Yorker and uprooted his middle stump.
The second opener stayed about for a little longer and provided a low chance to Lloyd behind the stumps who couldn’t quite squeeze enough fingers beneath the ball to hold on to it. But it wasn’t long (2 balls in fact) before a Lown inswinger found his edge, Crane protected the family jewels and snaffled the chance at 1st slip. He still waited to be given the finger by the ump though which was odd. But walk he did in the end.

Harmy and Lown bowled a lovely opening spell for very little runs and looked likely to take a wicket every ball. Their 2 large SA players were at the crease but struggled to get the ball off the square until frustration set in and the skipper was bowled by Lown. Unsworth replaced Harmy and kept it toight like a toiger, bowling with a massive about of swing and seam movement including a peach that seamed back off a length from outside off, cutting the batsman in half between bat and body and flying away for a cupla bye’s.

Leggsy got the other big SA player in his next over though, drawing an edge which looked to be flying over the keeper till Lloyd dived and got enough on it to project it skyward for Crane to catch comfortably at slip. Teamwork. Perfect!. Robinson in particular was pleased as Crane is in his fantasy team and Lloyd isn’t. Basil.

Chobham didn’t really have much left after that with a succession of youngsters coming to the crease. With Leggsy on fire and Jimmy C bowling nicely having replaced Lown at the other end it was a matter of time really. Two of the Chobham youth decided to close their eyes to length balls from Leggsy and had their stumps removed despite their umpire asking us to bowl slower. (What? so you can hit it?!) and the innings was mopped up by Jimmy C at 3:25 pm, all out for 74 and the Wick were eying an early trip to the bar.

Teas- Disappointing both on quantity and quality. Cheese and ketchup in a sandwich is something I haven’t experience since primary school and probably something one should never experience, coupled with the dried pastry selection of mini sausage rolls and vol-au vents was a bit too much- 3

Now looking at this score card the casual observer may say we thought we had won already but someone once said “You don’t score until you score!”. And we made a genuine hash of chasing this total which should have been done inside 20 overs.
My mistake was changing the batting order (school boy error!) to give a few people a game who hadn’t bowled.

Crane opened up with Riso and the former set about the total with his usual explosive style, smashing 12 off the young openers 1st over. The other opener- big SA no2, was a revelation with the ball. Pace, bounce, aggression, swing and seam made him very difficult to score off. Had fitness been one of his strong points and had he been able to maintain his pace for a few more overs and we would have REALLY struggled as opposed to just struggled. As it was he bowled Riso for a duck and Crane for 26 the next over and set about tormenting Robbo and Nathan until the latter fell LBW for another duck and all of a sudden 75 looked a massive score.

Lloyd joined Robbo and attempted to steady the ship but struggled for timing against the slow bowler before getting frustrated and bowled ATS.
Linter was sent in to slap a few ad Linter does but taking a leg guard and forgetting to move your feet is never a good option and he fell for a golden the very next ball.
If ever you needed a knurdler it was now and Jimmy C showed his experience and did his job well.
Squeaky bum time occurred though, when Robbo bottom edged a wide one which bounced off the slips ankle and looped up to the bemused keeper and then Harmy edged to the keeper with his second ball.
Parkesy and Jimbo saw us home though, both playing with composure and a fair amount of belief .

A good game all in all, with some very tight bowling from both teams. The Chobham youth policy holds some promising young players and it is a bit of a shame (for them) that they didn’t have quite enough experience in the side to balance them out or this game could have quite easily gone pear shaped for us.
20 points is 20 points and they do say that if you can play badly and still win then that’s the sign of a strong team.
Back at the Wick, Leggsy bought a jug for Michelle avoidance and Lownsy bowled superbly for his 3 wickets.

Results from the weekend went as well as they could have for us, with Battersea losing to Staines and an 8 man Old Tiffs being beaten by Woking. The Wick now needs to win our last 2 games and see what happens.
In the words of a certain team member a whole lot of belief is needed….and strong availability of course.

Wick 1s sickened by umpiring debacle - Match Report by Matty D

Wick 149ao. Lee an excellent 55. Tong a vital 29.
GC 150-7.

We've all been through it. Games where an umpire - probably a drafted in teacher, parent or, in Fullers Div 2, incompetent opposition player, turns a game of cricket into a circus. The sport doesn't even have to be cricket. A bad football ref is just as irritating. The game is ruined and one side is left feeling bitter and raging against the dying of the light (actually that's a metaphor about death, not sport - but some days they can feel almost as important as each other).

This week, two days on from Saturday, I am 100% unrepentant in making poor umpiring the central plank in my match report. It may be one of the last bastions of match reporting that you don’t blame umpiring for your defeat because bad decisions go both ways, often umpires are doing it largely for love of the game etc, but I can't leave umpiring out this week. Occasionally even one decision can be so shocking that it bears description in a report because it leaves a stain on a game. However in this case there were seven decisions that were so bad I can't put them out of my mind. It was almost unbelievable that two should occur in one game never mind the whole series and their effect was to ruin the day and ruin the game. If we had profited in this way ever I would be as disturbed in victory today as I am in defeat this morning.

This season we have been lucky at times. We have had the odd important decision go our way - remember Caterham.

We’ve won a few crucial tosses - Kempton 2 weeks ago an example.
We’ve also been unlucky at times - Addiscombe (not 'very' unlucky in this case).

We’ve lost a few crucial tosses - Battersea an example.

I can accept defeat. The game against Addiscombe was a classic, and whilst the decisions were perhaps marginally in Addiscombe's favour (see match report), Addiscombe deserved a victory as much as we did - so there were no complaints from us. We lost, but we had a great day. As Danny Lee regularly says 'I felt alive out there'. We are fair cricketers, which is why we stayed at Addiscombe for two hours after the game, savouring what was an excellent day and hopefully contributing to a great atmosphere too.

Last week we were annoyed that we had come off against Kempton. We'd battled ourselves into a winning position, but we were an hour away from 20 crucial points. Hell, we were an over away from 3 vital extra points if we’d been able to stay out and get ahead of the run rate. But, with hindsight, the umpires were correct to take us off the field.

What is absolutely impossible to count as luck, good or bad, is incompetent umpiring that borders on the completely unacceptable. For me at least this game was totally undermined and rendered useless by opposition umpiring of a standard that I haven’t even seen in games where opposition players are umpiring, never mind an “official”. Really this umpire should be ashamed of his performance. It was so bad as to be almost impossible to describe.

The way I try to rationalize games is to work out who got the decisions (especially the bad ones) because both teams inevitably feel that they've been hard done by. It’s part of the game of cricket at every level I reckon. But check the scores on this one.

Wick batting

1, Hibby given out lbw. We all know Hibby plays across the line. However, he invariably walks down the track, outside off stump and sweeps. Think Mal Loye, but at 5ft. The points is, when you are 4ft down the track, and palpably or even probably outside off stump, and the ball hits you on the pad, the decision is 'not out'. You just can’t give them there. Perhaps it’s the old “I was given out for the shot” technique of umpiring?

2, Mackie out. The mode of dismissal tbc. This one was unbelievable. The ball was a beaut, and leapt off just short of a length - Mackie dropping his hands last minute. A stifled appeal from the excellent if vociferous keeper who takes the ball.

Umpire puts his finger up. Mackie trudges off assuming he’s been bowled. 'How was that out umpire?' he enquires. 'Bowled' is the response. 'Bowled? But it didn’t hit the stumps'. 'He gloved it', chips in the keeper/fielder. 'Yes, he gloved it, caught.' replies the umpire. Now you tell me how an umpire can legitimately give a batsman out caught if he thinks he has given it out bowled? You don’t give someone out bowled anyway. Dan, the non-striker informs me that he most certainly didn’t glove it. Unsurprisingly, Mackie throws his bat off the field in disgust - legitimately. So what does this say about the standard of the umpiring? At the very least this puts doubt in the mind of the side on the receiving end. If he’s so under confident about why a player is out that he needs to the help of the fielders to give it out there has to be something wrong.

GC batting

The first innings had been characterised by two distinct spells. Early doors when the new ball made things happen. Later doors when everything seemed to settle and it was easier to bat on. ALL the following lbw calls happened with Fordy at his most potent, early on, with the new ball. Had he given these, or at least some of these, there would have been new batsmen in having to face him at the critical time when the ball was on top. We would have won – I would say easily – as Guildford were all at sea.

1, lbw not given #1. RHB opener. Fordy was bowling beautifully, swinging the ball back in, pitching it in line with middle, stitching him up like a kipper time and time again.

2, lbw not given #2. RHB opener. Please see previous point.

3, lbw not given #3. deja vu

4, lbw not given #4. No comment

Please bear in mind that these were not the only appeals. These are just the four which we felt (slips, bowler, keeper) were absolutely dead in front with all the relevant boxes ticked. Perhaps there others where there were elements of doubt. These were plumb. Nailed on certs.

Frankly the opener did well to get his pad in the way. He seemed to know early on that he wasn’t going to be given out lbw so he figured he may as well.

5, lbw not given #5. Kam the bowler this time.

6, lbw given. Their #5 was triggered by said umpire - clearly feeling guilty after keeping the more talented opener in all day. He was well forward to a swinging ball (unlike the opener who was nailed on the crease time and again). In its way this decision was every bit as bad as the not outs but by now we were clutching at straws.

7, #8 batsman, who batted pretty sensibly to be fair, decided to lift his foot whilst facing Tongy. Boney snaffled it, whipped the bails off. Now this wasn’t a difficult decision. Everyone could see - Boney behind the sticks, Hibby at sq leg, me at gully, Dan Lee at point - that his foot was raised. It wasn’t just slightly lifted temporarily - something that would require a TV reply to support any call made. His back foot was maybe 6 inches off the ground (his front foot not in the picture), and it didn’t even come down slowly. He was so out as to be embarrassing. The decision was not out.

Even I lost it at this point, and I’m the calmest man ever on a cricket field - save David Gower himself.

Even if there was one other decision in our innings that went our way – and let’s say there was one, just to make a point that we might have profited somewhere else – I still make that a score of 8-2 in awful decisions against us.

That means that we took 15 wickets on Saturday, but were given 7. As I said, you can accept errors. Even the odd glaring error, but it is impossible to accept this. Sadly there is even a precedent for poor umpiring at GC. Playing against GC two years ago (in a game when we were completely outplayed by GC, were managing to hang on for a draw, were roundly thrashed in all but the points allocated at the end, there was a crummy decision which made us fume) Zammy made one pop, the bat was caught at gully, off the glove. The decision was not out. None of us can provide an explanation for this more than two years later.

There’s not really much we can do about this now apart from sending a letter of complaint to the league to attempt to have this umpire sent to be properly trained. Nothing will change as a result with respect to this year’s result which is as it should be. But let’s hope that they listen to protect other teams on other days from incompetence of this level.

Rant over.

GC bowled very well early in our innings. They were very tight early on, and put us five down with only 50 on the board. A few poorly selected shots were mixed in with some good deliveries. Dan Lee with firstly Mackie (see above!) and then Graham pulled the score towards the 150 mark, a score which whilst below par proved to be enough to win the game.

We had the momentum into their innings. After a slightly sloppy start, both Fordy and Julian found their range and started the rot. Tong, below par with the ball, and Kam also joined in. With an ageing ball and a flattening wicket, their long-haired #7 decided to wallop it around for fun. It proved to be enough as GC came home fairly comfortably in the end.

GC scored at a better rate than we did, so deserve credit for playing the more attacking cricket throughout. However, this game was a farce.

This is now parked. Any sense of grievance will be dealt with by a complaint and it will galvanise the team to win the final two games and ensure the push for promotion is continued. That is all we can do, and all we will do.

HWRCC SUNDAY XI vs NPL

What was the point of that?

Star international player and colts pip the Wick boys in an unsporting affair…..

HWRCC SUNDAY XI VS NPL

HWRCC (220/5 off 40 overs) – Graham Tong 70+, Matty D and Nathan 40+)

Lost to (yeah right….)

NPL (221/8 off 39.2 overs) – Hirsh 3 wickets, Parkes and Tong a couple each - Their captain made 158+ btw….

It has just gone 11pm on Sunday night. I’ve downed a foot long subway and have shared a journey home with Duncan “sleepy” Kennedy. I’ve been spending the last 10 minutes thinking of a suitably inappropriate movie to compare today’s game to, but have drawn a blank. I’ve also tried to see how I can slip a reference of Hans Fritzel into a match report and, again, can’t think of a way to do it. I’m in a bit of shock to tell you the truth. I’m lost for words for once…..

…well maybe not entirely…..I’ll see how we go.

Today’s game was essentially a waste of time (as I side note, the opposing team may read this and take umbrage to what I’m going to say, but like a kid who’s been caught picking his nose at the dinner table by mum or dad, someone has to say something and stand up: no, this isn’t right). Matty D, Jimmy C’s wise counsel on all matters cricket (ats), said this at the end of the match. And he was right. He normally is.

And this is why. The opposition did not respect the spirit of cricket. By playing roughly 7 colts, 3 older blokes, and one international player from Sri Lanka (he was brilliant to watch….no doubt) it made a mockery of what Sunday games are about. To me, as somebody who has watched all of the games so far this season, Sunday games are, as much as Jimmy C wants to win every one of them, an opportunity to blood the future players of the club. It is an opportunity to give the regular club players a chance to improve on Saturday’s performance, and also to allow the more senior members of the club to mix with the younger guys. Add to the mix some spirit, belief and fitness and, hey presto, you’ve got yourself a good day out. Simple.

Today wasn’t like this at all. Not by a long shot. Despite the Wick putting on 221 runs, in 40 overs – the second highest tally of the season – they still managed to lose out to probably the best batsman I’ve seen in a long time. And when I say the best – blatantly far far far far far far far too good for this level. That he made Graham Tong look like an average bowler says it all (GT remember got 6/17 against Teddington at their own ground about two months ago!!!).

He made 160 runs not out (shut up!!). To try and counter this onslaught, Skipper Jimmy C put everyone on the boundary line. Even this made no difference. He hit everything to or over the boundary. Bowl him a Yorker: he’d hit you for 4 down the ground. Bowl a bouncer: he hit you for 6. You couldn’t stop him. And it was game over. And they (read: he) won the game.

But not fair and square. What I’m still struggling to get my head around is what someone gains from playing at a level well below their ability. What does it prove? Why would someone play at a level so far beneath themselves? Just to say look at me, aren’t I a great cricketer and better than all of you? How are your teammates, just starting out in the game, supposed to develop and grow when you keep hogging the limelight? I’d like to know mate. Perhaps you should write a post to this match report. Maybe I’ve missed something….

Anyway – just to provide you with a brief run down of the match.

The Wick lost the toss and were sent in to bat. Matty D and Nathan got the boys of to a flying start, going at roughly 5 an over. Once Matty D and Nathan got out in their 40s, Graham Tong, alongside Jimmy C, decided to bash the ball around. He made an impressive 76 (I think). At the break, the Wick had reached 220 (thank you Alison for scoring – I luv ya work)

Tea – nice variety from DBW. Wasn’t too hungry, so I’d say…….ats

Out to the field to defend the total. Tommy Robinson, Parkesy, Hirshy, Duncan, and Tonga all bowled brilliantly well. Tommy had a great spell and even managed to make their opener (a 12 yr old perhaps) cry on the pitch after being hit by the ball. Tommy laughed and, as soon as he had gone out a few balls later, Matty D provided a common sense look at what had happened:

“Look, to be honest, this is a man’s game. I shouldn’t have to become a colt because of him. He should become a man, because of me.”

Beautiful appraisal Matty.

Parkesy bowled a magnificent spell, particularly to the little master as he hit basically everyone else. Hirsh bowled brilliantly also, picking up 3 wickets – all bowled.

In order to win the match, the Wick needed to keep the freak show off strike often enough. They couldn’t do it. Looking back, had the boys known about who was coming in to bat, Matty D may have opened the bowling with Nathan (no disrespect boys) so as to try and not get a wicket. But that would have been unsporting…..get it?

So – it was a surreal end to the match as the boys trudged off the field. Some of the opposition were happy to have won the game, although you could see that they expected it. What was most striking was how unimpressed their best batsman was at having scored 168+, describing it as “that’s what I always get….” Says it all really.

I don’t know what this match did for the opposition’s younger players. If you can explain to me how they benefited from the experience, email your thoughts in. Regardless, I’m off to bed to try and put it all behind me.

See you all next week. Stay safe and believe.

Wickman Junior

HWRCC SUNDAY XI vs VILLAGE XI

Sunday XI defeated Village XI (you may have to check this - Duckworth Lewis is confusing)

WICK 200 - 4 (Matty D 60-odd; Cranesy 78+)

def

Village XI - 120 for 4 off 25 overs or so

Adam "maturity" Crane (that's how i'm seeing it) smashing a walloping 78 of the best runs you are likely to see.

FANCY AN ALTERNATIVE WICK WASH?

Heavy rain forces match to be abandoned as Wick continue unbeaten run….

Adam "my time has come" Crane smashes a walloping 78 of the best runs you will see, making Matty D look ordinary in the process

Jimmy C heads to the bowl....

WICK SUNDAY XI: 200 - 4 (Matty D 60-odd; Cranesy 78+)

Def (Actually the match was abandoned but....runs on the board orrr…..)

Village XI - 120 for 4 off 25 overs or so

(From Taxi Driver, 1976)

Travis Bickle: Thank God for the rain to wash the trash off the sidewalk.

Travis Bickle: I think someone should just take this city and just... just flush it down the $%^!” toilet.

We all know that rain and cricket are not the best of friends. Like Hanz Fritzel and one of his several daughters locked up in an underground bunker……you can guess the rest. But despite this, the two are inextricably linked (well...not really), and there’s nothing worse (obviously there is) than being drenched in the stuff as your team puts on the old strides and walks out to the crease for a bit of “white line fever”.

However too often, I fear, we see the rain as a threat and not an opportunity to the game. As Travis Bickle expressed so clearly in Taxi Driver, it can have a positive influence. In his case, a huge downpour is a chance to clean up the city's prostitutes and cellar dwellers and flush them all down the toilet. They were the scum who infruriated him so, and made his existence hell.

Now, i'm not saying that a heavy downpour at the Wick is akin to this at all. Rather, it is a chance to develop a clean slate and start again. Forget about the early season “errors”, this is the time to put things right. Carpe diem and all that….

Cranesy did just that with his performance on Sunday. Jimmy C also did this, but for a completely different reason.

Despite losing the toss, the Wick were sent in to bat on a pretty decent deck in gale force winds and spitting rain. To say that the going was tough would be an understatement. After 20 overs, we had lost two wickets for the princely sum of just 49 runs. Things weren’t looking great.

However, the re-emergence of Adam Crane changed all of this. Where have you been all season mate? - He couldn’t fail to hit the ball. Alongside Matty D, the pair helped take the Wick to 200 at the end of 40 overs and, in the process, Adsa smashed 6s and 4s at will down the ground and to all ends of the park. It was great to watch.

Teas – very lively (I’m talking diarrhoea- style)

After the break, we headed out to bowl as the downpour started. Whinney and Leggsy bowled magnificently in the conditions and, save a catch from Jimmy C to remove the opener, were unlucky not to pick up more wickets.

Despite the great bowling efforts of Leggsy and Whinney, the runs kept flowing for the Village. However, they weren’t just flowing on the scoreboard. At around the 17th over, the skipper decided to remove himself from the field of play for his own kind of “bowl” work, allegedly suffering from the effects of the chocolate slices that DBW put out during the teas. Like Steve Harmison at the Brisbane test in the Ashes, he was spraying all over the place……Eventually, he came out to the field to resume proceedings. It was not a pretty sight. There’s even talk that his pants are still in the wash.

Luckily for Jimmy’s bowels, the game came to end as the rain grew heavier and the clouds became darker. Like Travis Bickle, he had been doing some flushing of his own….and felt relieved for it.

Wickman Junior.

Neville Marshall Day

The blog mostly ignored July 18th owing to the main bloggers being at work, abroad and subsequently hard at work etc. This scandalous abuse will now be put right. Read on for a report of the day by R Jell Esq and a note of thanks from Neville. If anyone who played minds putting together a match report that too will be published. Although by the state of the younger generation on the following day (hungover to the point of ridicule) Wickman doubts anyone can remember.

Bonjour à tous

Thanks to everyone for your support for the Neville testimonial. It says so much about all of you, about Neville and the Wick that we could organise such an event.

For those of you who could not be there we had 2 hard fought games of Twenty/20, with one win apiece for the Young Turks and the Old Gits, followed by a barby and the presentation Neville. I reckon there were about a 100 people there.

The prize draw raised £5,000 and after giving 2 x £250 cash prizes and buying a digital camera [all the other prizes were very kindly donated by you] we were able to give Neville a cheque for £4,250.

The prize of the weekend at the Goring Hotel was won by Graham Mansfield, currently living in South Africa. I saw Graham at the recent Lord’s Test and he said if he won anything to give it to Neville. That started a bit of a trend and Tom McCarthy, who won both the cash prizes, extremely generously donated them both to Neville. And a HWRCC blazer, a case of wine and 2 bottles of Cognac were also donated to him.

It was all a massive surprise to Neville but I think he started to smell a bit of rat when the 2 teams and the many supporters clapped him off the field after a stint umpiring. After the presentation Neville made an excellent and very emotional response and then the celebrations continued long into the night.

So I would just like to thank you all once again. And I would like to emphasise just one more time that it was NOT my idea but that of the youngsters who are now running the club so successfully. It says great deal about what a fantastic place the Wick is.

A bientôt

Richard/Jelly

And then a note of thanks from Neville himself:

President, Chairman, Members of the Committee, Members and Friends

Subject: July 18th Invitation Cricket and Social Event

It is still difficult for me to express my feelings regarding the series of events which unfolded over the course of July 18th. As more and more familiar faces from yesteryear appeared, playing members, their ladies, social members and similar representations from the Old Kingstonian Hockey Club, it hit me that the only time I have witnessed such crowds over recent years was at funerals. When I saw images of me decorating the walls I thought, my God, it's me. I know I have had a rough time lately but you would you think you would know. However I was assured that the rumour of my demise had been much exaggerated (apologies to Oscar [Wilde not Culham]) and spent the rest of the day quietly enjoying myself and apprehensive about what was in store.

The evening BBQ was a treat and many thanks go to DBW and Margaret for standing and delivering with their usual degree of expertise.

Unfortunately the rest of the evening from my angle was an emotional joyride tinged with embarrassment after Jelly's Red Book treatment. Whatever happened to the 3rd lady? My embarrassment was compounded through my extraordinary luck in the raffle! Gradually my emotions turned to thanks and gratitude and, most importantly, appreciation to all involved in the organisation of such a wonderful and memorable day. A precedent perhaps? Whose name is going into the barrel next year. It could be YOU.

A final word in support of Keith's net appeal, a most worthy cause, and rest assured a percentage of my presentation cheque will be re-invested in this appeal in the hope that the work will be completed before the start of the next season to the benefit of members and the colts section alike.

Me? I am going to invest in a typewriter than can spell and a computer that I can understand.

Many thanks again to everyone.

Neville

Soggy Top of Table Clash Resolves Nothing

HWRCC 2xi 18-2 (7 overs)
Chobham Did Not Bat
Abandoned

Like a fine wine in the cellar this fixture, between second and third place in the table, had your correspondent salivating all week. In fact so dribbly was Wickman that at one point his wife was forced to dig him in the ribs to check if he had had a stroke.

On the trip down the M3 the weather reminded Wickman of the trip down the M3 to Southampton for last year's weather foreshortened tour. It was pissing down not to put too fine a point on it.

When we eventually found Chobham's beautiful ground it was enough to have Cole and Clark checking estate agent windows. Picturesque to the point of absurdity, if the sun had been out this would have been the game of the season. Norman church, village hall, horses in a field, cars parked (like Canterbury in the old days) just beyond the boundary - this had everything.

Apart from the weather. Chobham were as keen as mustard to have a game. The Wick boys were not as it was absolutely clear that this was going to be a day when not much cricket was played, everyone would get damp and then it would be called off. Recalling last year at Effingham when we were almost cheated into a losing draw the senior players were determined that Chobham would not bundle them into a game and turn them over.

But then Chobham won the toss. And guess what? They stuck us in. Covers allowed for seven overs of cricket in light drizzle. What action there was saw Clark drill two fours, one straight and one through midwicket before perishing caught behind causing a stream of invective all the all the way from the middle to the dressing room. Clark's not uncertain view was that the noise was bat on pad. And even the oppo keeper wasn't certain. But then we all think we aren't out. Cole then middled a cut to a gentleman of girth (who had earlier pointed the way to the chip shop) fielding at third slip / gully. Afterwards in the inevitable rain break Chobham opined that "he thought it was a burger" as his reactions were startling and he plucked it like the character Wimpey from the Popeye cartoons.

And that was that. Tea was taken early. 2. Sound harsh? Whoever made it put the tea and the milk into the teapot. WTF??????? Just so wrong. Ruined the entire day. Would have been a 6 otherwise as the sandwiches were excellent (although meat eaters were disappointed) and there was an abundance of cake. We almost got back on (Chobham having convinced themselves that conditions hadn't got any worse despite it not really have stopped raining at all) but then a deluge arrived. As we left Wickman saw an old gentleman pull up in the carpark with a large quantity of wood and some pairs of exotic animals. It was that kind of afternoon.

It looks like most other sides were rained off so its near enough "as you were" with three fixtures to go.

Wick 2s rolled by Battersea Duo

HWRCC 95 all out
Battersea 97-4
Battersea win by six wickets

Probably the most irritating game in Wick 2s Fullers’ history ended in a comprehensive victory for Battersea Ironsides. On a poor surface the team was bundled out for 95 before a one man demolition saw their total easily overhauled for the loss of four wickets.

Any explanation of the circumstances runs the risk of being treated as sour grapes by opposition googlers but context is necessary. The track was difficult to bat on and was even more two paced than usual. The ball alternated between keeping low and delivering steepling bounce at the Millennium Wood end. Only the oppo bat who decided to go large (oh wow did he go large) and smash us around the park had the right idea of how to play on it. To the naked eye it was both green in the middle and bare on a length leading to disconcerting changes of pace. If that wasn’t enough our innings was interrupted by a rain storm which contributed a spongey quality to proceedings. Sound like whingeing? Just context to explain how we were shot out.

Battersea have two excellent opening bowlers for this level of cricket. While they bowled straight and put it on the spot, Battersea’s skipper milked them until, like some African Zebu struggling to turn dried grass into milk, they were spent. Bowling twenty and nineteen overs each off the reel (assisted by the break for rain which gave them both time to recharge batteries) they used the conditions (especially the post rain strip) well enough to strangle the middle order and take 5 important wickets for almost no runs. The scorebook is a sea of maidens for Devitt who bowled straight all day and nipped it around.

More fool us. Once the two openers were retired having taken 7 or 8 wickets there wasn’t the same threat to follow. Latvian. Had we been able to keep out the openers it would have been possible to at least build a defendable total. But too many wickets had fallen and wag though the tail briefly did 95 would only be enough if Battersea’s batting was as thin as the Zebu of the previous paragraph.

We were slightly sloppy in reply which didn’t help. Any thought of applying pressure disappeared as the new ball was used to spray wides and no balls alike. When defending 95 you simply cannot give away 13 runs to wides and no balls. A great catch from Junaid aside there was not a great deal to celebrate.

So a poor performance all round. The Wick were definitely authors of their own misfortune here. Well, if they weren’t authors, they proofed the script, dotted the I’s and crossed the t’s. Battersea’s seasoned skipper confessed in the bar afterwards that without his two bowlers victories are not so easy to come by. One of them was a good bat too, possibly the best we have seen this year so far and up there with Fudge, Hibberd and the two lefties at Stoke D’Ab. This lack of depth made the defeat more galling. You had the feeling that without them, and certainly without Saqib who was so far above his team mates in batting skill, they would have been sunk.

That said it’s not Battersea’s fault they have star players dragging them along. Hats off to Devitt and Saqib (52* and five for) for top performances that dominated the Wick on the day. Hats on to us for playing some not so good cricket.