What Else Happened on Monday...

"Sri Lanka Bring In New Bowling Aid" - Ed

Bank Holidays. Don't you love them? Monday was a classic. Outside it was chucking it down in Wickman's new secret lair in Sunbury-on-Thames (gone are the closest to the Wick days). On telly the England vs Sri Lanka game didn't kick off until well after lunch and Wickman was only watching with half an eye as he attempted to wrestle with some work stuff.

Wearily he watched as England came out to bat to give Bellend a chance to get a ton and Morgs a few balls to ease it around waiting for Bellend to get there. In the decision to send him out Wickman sensed a bit of humanity which was missing when Atherton declared on Hick all those years ago and a tacit nod to the commentary box and those of us watching that the game had slipped beyond England.

Wickman vaguely registered there were 50 odd overs to bowl. With Jayawardene batting at 5 or 6 for them having assmebled a very competent ton in the first dig and the wicket looking a little bit less spicy than you would hope on the 5th day, he very nearly almost turned it off and got off his arse to finish massacreing a DIY job upstairs. But then lethargy set in and so Wickman settled down to watch his email and the Test out of the corner of his eye.

There were about a 1000 patient souls in the stands who were pleased to see some cricket after having to wait all day. Wickman guesses that they, like him, imagined Sri Lanka getting to 140 for three and with England only having three front line bowlers to rotate, endless dross from the commentators about make up for the side at Lords and acres of "do we really need six batsmen and Prior look what happens if a bowler gets injured" yawn yawn yawn.

And then this happened:

Fall of wickets: 1-1 (Paranavitana, 1.6 ov), 2-10 (Dilshan, 3.2 ov), 3-33 (DPMD Jayawardene, 12.5 ov), 4-36 (Samaraweera, 15.4 ov), 5-43 (Sangakkara, 17.2 ov), 6-43 (Maharoof, 17.5 ov), 7-43 (HAPW Jayawardene, 18.1 ov), 8-52 (Herath, 19.1 ov), 9-82 (Perera, 24.2 ov), 10-82 (Lakmal, 24.4 ov)

In less than two hours three England bowlers absolutely destroyed a Sri Lankan side that contains two of the world's best batsmen. It was unbelievable. And a little bit unreal. There were so few people in the ground and no Barmies that Wickman can remember that you could hear as clear as a Bellend, the fielders encouraging the bowlers. The guys in the commentary box couldn't believe it. The players couldn't. The viewers couldn't. The crowd wasn't big enough to create any atmosphere or tension. We just ran through them like an old school Middlesex League mismatch at some toilet in North London where we only brought 8 players.

No one could quite believe it. Even Bob Willis was unable to drone on about anything. None of the summarisers could explain it. All thoughts of selection issues were abandoned and we, and they, and England just bathed in it. Later Wickman was phoning a few people in a "Didyoufcukingseethatitwasunbelievable" kind of way. Many poeple hadn't bothered. And those that had were dazed and confused. Unlike everything in the winter it was just... weird.

And all of a sudden you have to ask yourself... how good is this England side in English conditions? Batting... Cooky... what can you say that wasn't said in the Winter other than now he's doing it in England? Well... Wales. Trott. Second in the averages to Bradman after 20 tests. Bellend. Wonderful to watch. 13 hundreds. Will outscore KP by the end of his career (but will be smashed by Cook who will play for another decade).

But the real revelation is the bowling. We now have a production line of fast and fast medium men who frankly have removed the hurt of watching 20 years of tripe, followed by that magic summer of 2005 and then a couple more years of mediocrity before this lot have spectacularly blossomed into... the World's best Test Attack. Yes Dale Steyn and Morkel are a handful. But has anyone else got the resources to outbowl us in these conditions? Four or five top class quickies and The World's Best Spinner? Wickman, gloriously, thinks not.

On this form Sri Lanka are not going to turn this series around. Their bowling is too weak without Murali, Vaas and The Slinger. Their entire strategy unravelled in Cardiff. Score 400+ and then bowl Murali all day from one end turned into "Ohsh1twe'vegotnothingbutpopguns" as we went past them for the loss of three wickets.

By the time India turn up with the World's best batting line up we should be in for a cracking series. Wickman is slavering at the thought...