2nd Test Review - Frenetic Hours to Decide Series?

Much has been spoken of the power of momentum recently. It seems that in 2009 no team is complete without it. But Wickman's latest theory is that momentum is a side show. It's all about who handles the frenetic moments in Test cricket best.

Test cricket is mostly played now on decks designed to make sure results don't occur before day four at the earliest and preferably after lunch on the fifth. Bowlers who know this work hard to limit the runs on offer and learn to sit in on off stump and wait for the stultifying pressure of time and match situation to earn them breakthroughs. When those periods occur, the team that handles the situation better wins the Test match. The West Indies did it to England in one cruel session in the first test of the Winter. The Aussies almost did it to us in Cardiff but Collingwood and the tail responded just quickly enough to rescue a slide. At the Oval we did it to Australia. At Centurion South Africa almost did it to us.

Since the heady days of 2004 and 2005 not a whole lot has gone right for England. The complete distruction of perhaps England's most fearsome bowling line up since Willis and Botham opened for England - Harmison, Hoggard, Flintoff and Jones - has left recent English captains wondering where 20 wickets are going to come from.

There have been flashes of brilliance from Flintoff. And James Anderson keeps being talked about as the finished article. But Tests in the last few years have been sometimes painful to watch as a group of developing right arm fast medium merchants have tried and failed to plug away at the top of off while the Pontings, Chaderpauls and Tendulkers of the world stage have milked them for morale sapping Test series losses. Things got so bad that Ryan Sidebottom became an automatic pick for us despite the fact that he's about as threatening as Wickmutt Junior - the latest addition to Wickman's Wick Road menagerie.

Something though began to happen on the runways of the Carribbean earlier this year. Anderson, Broad and Swann learned how to bowl in the most unforgiving of environments against a West Indies team dead set on avoiding defeat for the first time since the late 1990s. Sure at Cardiff as four Australian centurions put them to the sword it looked like the lessons hadn't been learned, but, later in the Summer each of them began to show that they had picked up a thing or two about how to bowl at good batsmen when there's not much help on the ground or in the air.

In the first Test at Centurion the South Africans in that final session showed what scoreboard pressure and tight lines can do when a match situation builds against the batting side and there's nothing to do but bat out time. England held on to force a draw every bit as important as the one they fashioned in Cardiff in July.

Yesterday the lessons of the Caribbean and of the Oval in particular were there for all to see. Swann - extraordinarily potent on the same strip that Harris had toiled away on for the best part of two days - suddenly - with flight and ripping turn - destroyed Prince's nascent career as a Test opener and defeated a man in Amla who scored 100 in the last test and played him like a dream with one every bit as good as the Ponting ball of the Summer.

At the other end Broad - who looked as ineffectual as any England bowler of the last twenty years for much of 2008 / 2009 - suddenly pulled out an Oval matching devastating spell of swing and seam to nip out Kallis and De Villiers. Both of these technically excellent bats were undone by West Indian deliveries - flat pitch, not much overhedd assistance - but both beaten by perfectly pitched in ducking / reverse swinging peaches that were hitting an inch below the top of off stump. On another day Kallis would have been back and across to both of them flat batting them back down the track. But that dicipline, picked up in 18 months of hard test cricket around the world, served Broad well as the scoreboard pressure built.

There was little else to see this morning. Boucher and Morkel would not be able to reprise Atherton and Russell and so it proved. Swann took five for and Broad added another and the game - totally changed in one frenetic hour yesterday - reached its conclusion with a quite stunning victory for England.

Even Smith - who, backed by the excitable Mickey Arthur, has been spouting some awful old tosh about this England side of late - was forced to gracefully admit that his side had been totally outplayed for most - if not all - of this Test. But particularly yesterday. Now England find themselves in the driving seat for this series. One of the best batting line ups in Test cricket has failed twice here (only Steyn's biffing in the first innings made the first innings score look respectable) and with Kallis, Ntini and Harris terribly ordinary with the ball, South Africa will go to Cape Town wondering where it has all gone wrong but hoping the next time one of those sessions comes around, they aren't on the losing end of it.

A fresh perspective, but the same old jargon

Wickman Junior is current taking, what many are calling, a "time out" from the hustle and bustle of the working world. Visiting all sorts of new and wonderful places with hordes of large british backpackers - save the occasional beauty from Brazil - has really helped develop a "fresh perspective" on life.

It is with that in mind that we read the thoughts of Jonathan Trott, the South African -born focal point (?) in the England team. Wickman Junior has always longed for the name Trott to get a guernsey in test cricket, and his first foray with the bat during the Ashes was "off the wall", according to Chris Broad. Chris is usually sullen at the best of times, but this was a moment of clarity from the big man. I think a lot of us would have agreed with him at the time.

But....as with every fresh face, the influence of Alastair Cook and Andrew Strauss - i.e. talking in management speak and baffling everyone - has come to the fore again.

Following England's draw against SA, Trott was heard to have said:

"....this is Test match cricket, something you've always strived to do and want to do to the best of your ability. So whenever you cross that line, it's back to business, trying to gain any advantage you can and win every game you can for England."

Hmm. "Test match cricket is something YOU'VE always tried to do? Quite who Trott who is referring to as "you" is unclear. The interviewee perhaps? Wickman Junior feels it may be something that Trott has always strived to do. Can you imagine being in his classroom as a kid, and the teacher asking him: "Jonathan (think heavy Saffa accent too by the way)...what do you want to do when you're older?" JT: "I strive to do test match cricket". It's certainly eye opening stuff....but surely this kind of answer would result in the kiddie being put in a straight jacket and sent off to a padded cell for a few weeks? Maybe it did.

Wickman Junior really likes the comment: "whenever you cross that line, it's back to business". Can we assume he is referring to the boundary line here? And what does "back to business" mean? Is he saying that batting for England is akin to managing a high street retailer perhaps? Wickman Junior would like some clarity JT.

Wickman Junior

Engalnd vs South Africa 1st Test Preview

Wickman loves cricket in the winter. Sat snivelling at his desk, swallowing sinutab like a ketamine freak in a night club, he is buoyed by the idea that someone, somewhere is having fun with cricket gear.

Tomorrow sees the start of a really exciting series. The South Africans, recently the first world number one not called Australia, are shaping into a very good Test Side. Good enough to draw in India last year which is saying something.

That batting line up. Smith, Prince, Amla, Kallis, De Villiers and Duminy looks like one of the best in South African post Mandela history. There's runs there. The bowling looks a little less frightening Steyn apart. But it's still a pretty effective attack even if Ntini is not a 10 wicket a match merchant any longer. Harris is a bit crap but then no doubt he will get KP five times in eight innings because the great man will want to tonk him out of the park on the left handed switch hit every time he comes on.

England too look like they will score runs in SA. There seems to be a new steel about them gained from the morale boosting marmalisation of the Aussies at The Oval.

So it looks like the series will be decided by the bowling attacks. Wickman is hoping that the stale Carribean pitches followed by the Cardiff massacre by Australia will have toughened up Anderson and Broad - and Swanny, if he plays, is showing signs of maturing into the sort of spinner Tim May was for Australia. A partnership breaker and someone to work around if things aren't happening between overs 40 and 80.

For the South Africans, with Kallis injured, an immense burden falls on Steyn's shoulders. Long talked about as the finished article he has looked unthreatening mostly with the white ball. Ntini is clearly a good bowler but his line of attack can be easily dealt with on all but the spiciest pitches where he is able to hold his line to bring the slips into play. Morkel looks nifty but lacks a real threat and throat ball. So it's down to Steyn. It's difficult to see with Paul Harris, the clown without makeup, bowling his slow non-spinners where 20 wickets are going to come from if Steyn can't make the ball talk in his first and second spells.

Wickman is bravely predicting a 2-1 series win for England with one rain affected game. We need to get out there from tomorrow and put pressure on them in their own country. As the plucky corporal Jones of Dad's Army was often heard to observe... "they don't like it up them".

Life and Vice Presidents

For those of you who missed the 2009 Dinner you won't know that Bobby and Keith have inducted three new members into the league of Vice Presidents of the Wick and have created two new Life Members.

So what's a VP? According to Chairman Mao it's someone who played a leading role within the club during their playing days and continues to support the club either financially or by volunteering for a number of years after stopping playing. Yoiu'll see them at functions and on the balcony mostly these days. They bring valuable contacts and experience to the club.

Life Presidents continue to play a active role in the club for a number of years after stopping playing. When that stops the active role continues in supporting the club in others ways - often as a link between the past and the present. They really have made an outstanding contribution to the club over 20 years.

It's worth having a read of Bob's notes about some of these venerable names. When you see them around you'll be wondering who they are and why they grace the balcony like they are to the Wick born. Well - they all are. Read on...

VPs

Andy Moore aka Amooray [Only person currently to have his own club song - FACT]

Amooray joined the Wick when he moved to London from Norwich in the mid 1990s. A glutton for punishment, he was an old team mate of Sisso and The Lord and decided to re-unite himself with them in Bushy Park. Amongst his many achievements:

Second eleven captain for a couple of seasons prededing Fudgey when it was difficult to get 9 out each week, never mind 11. 500 2xi runs in league last two seasons before retirement. First eleven wicket keeper for seven years and very useful middle order batsman. Highest score in excess of 150 v Teddington Town. Regular Saturday, Sunday, midweek player who when not playing would be entrenched at bar! Now a regular bar attendee and occasional midweek player...

Ian Geddes aka Gedds. [Good job not a current player or would be Geddsey - Ed]

Joined Wick from Southampton university in early 1990s through Mark Webster. Medium quick opening bowler for first eleven with late inswing in prime. Very useful lower middle order batsman when employed as all-rounder, capable of 50s from 8/9 when club very strong.

When bad knees curtailed bowling good enough to open batting in 1xi and score league hundred at South Hampstead. Successfully captained 1xi for five season to 2004, where club achieved highest ever league placing in TVL premier league.

Extremely competitive to point of even getting Sisso to run around the ground before games! [Of course everyone else would have done three laps to Bobby's two but you can't have everything - Ed]. Also happy to buy an overseeas professional to bolster his team!

Pete Culham aka The Lord [Culhamsy sounds a bit like clumsy - Ed]

Joined Wick in 1980 when moved to London from Norwich. Spearhead of first eleven attack from 1980 - 2004. 1xi captain 1981, then for a few more seasons in mid 80s/early 90s.

Always in top half dozen first eleven bowlers Lee 75 league, Thames Valley league and Middlesex league. Very useful lower/middle order 1xi batsman. Regularly acieved double of 1000 runs and 100 wickets in season. Scored four centuries at Sidmouth alone (Devon tour fixture). Excellent first slip, although did drop five in a match once [So Culhamsy it is - Ed]!

Aimed to do Wick double of 500 pints and 50 curries in a season. [There's a tradition it would be hard to match today - the curries that is - Ed] Still turns out Wednesdays and averaged more than 50 in 2008.

LIFE MEMBERS

Richard Jell aka Jelly

Joined Wick in mid 70s

Extremely sociable and friendly fellow who always welcomed new members with pint and good story. Club treasurer for many years and not many played without paying in his era.

Strokeplaying middle order batsman who could make a difference towards middle/end of an innings with preference for midwicket and cover point areas. Useful off - spin bowler and very good slip fielder. Played regularly in very successful sunday second eleven side batting at six and bowling spin 1987 - mid 1990s.

Regular tourist and wednesday player, still playing and contributing up to 2008. Often captained Wick sides and even got out a 4xi in early 80s! Always on balcony supporting beloved wick when not in France

Provided Wick with useful son (Stuart) who could bat, bowl and drink like his father!... still can when wife lets him…

Neville Marshall aka Nev [Or "Oh shit it's hit the pad - nooooooo he's given me again!" - Ed]

1970's vintage and wick man true and fair in the mould of Tilly and the like.

Partners always had to be able to do teas, make chilli/curry in evenings and even do the scoring… not surprising he changed lady partners regularly! Of an era when looking after bar, playing, tidying up bar and general sociability were the norm. Very useful first eleven wicket keeper and middle order batsman. Also off spin bowler who could break a partnership when not keeping in latter years.

Still playing in first eleven in 1980s, fielding first slip (where he was good) and getting a few runs at seven and the odd wicket. Very able drinker, tourist, wednesday player, captain of sides and sociable fellow.

President of Hampton Wick Club 1980s to mid 2000s. Regular umpire during 1990s and still does Wednesdays (or despatches Fudgey or AJ on Presidents day!)…. NB they should buy him a beer!

So these are your new Vice Presidents and Life Members. Hope this little delve back into the archives will help you next Summer when you bump into them on their bench on thier balcony...

A Tour Going Well?

There's a strange feeling to this South African tour. We're three or more weeks into it and so far the wheels are well and truly in place. Stunning performances from Owen Morgan (so much easier to spell it this way Eoin), Jimmy Anderson, Colly (he just will not lie down), our new Jaapie and others have neutralised the home Saffas. They have only managed two performances of note to our three and frankly rain or no rain we've edged the first half of the tour quite nicely.

So what next? Welllll. Two completely meaningless two day games. One has already started today and the big question of the tour remains unanswered. Will KP be able to play himself back into form physically and mentally? So far on the tour he has looked like a batsman that has lost his way. He has tried to muscle runs, dominate attacks and get back some of the his pre-sacking swagger but it's just not happening.

Even his media pronouncements so far have been bland. Some minor whingeing about being cooped up and not getting enough cricket are worryingly reminiscent of his attempt to bail out and fly back to his wife on the last tour. Is the man's head in the right place? One dominant knock in the West Indies aside when he self destructed in reach of a ton this has not been a good year for him on or off the field. With Strauss firmly in charge of the team and Flower seemingly better positioned in the dressing room than the previous coach is there enough room for him?

Wickman wonders whether this series will be about KP at all. He's the South African that the South Africans fear you would think... but will his role be more one of drawing the fire away and letting Strauss and Trott wear down the recently ex World No 1 Test side?

2009 Chairman's Award

The Chairman's Award is special. While the cricketing awards are always hotly contested, The Chairman's (aka Wick Man of the Year) Award is given for outstanding contribution to the club in other ways.

Previous winners on the trophy read like a who's who of quiet, behind the scenes all round Wickness. The last two, Fudgey and Lownsy, picked up the coveted trophy for astounding donation of personal time to the cause - Fudgey for dragging the twos up into the top division while organising club day, tours, socials and working with the Colts, Lownsy for running the social side of the club and bringing the Dinner back to the club and into profit after years of slumming it in various souless hotels and conference venues.

This year there were any number of nominees. So many people have contributed to the running of the club this year that Wick Man will struggle to remember the Chairman's nominations - apologies if he has missed you out - Kirky for continuing to run the website; Charlie, Sam, Tim Rolls and the Colts Coaches for their work on Clubmark; Fudgey for Club Day; Steve Vaid for fundraising; Lownsy for the Club Dinner etc etc.

This year the winner was someone who could eclipse even them. Starting the year as Sunday Skipper, Greg "Leggsy" Unsworth finished it as a contributing member of the 2xi and took over the running of the bar and socials from Keith. That in the interim he also fought through the sort of adversity that would have sent many of us into a tailspin with dignity while continuing to support the club from the balcony and getting into the running of the club behind the scenes so quickly was, frankly, motivating, inspiring and humbling all at the same time.

Leggsy is too modest to realise, but his stoicism, good grace and courage has set a high bar for us all and should inspire us to greater things. That's the thing about Wick Man of the Year. It kind of does that...

Joey - Grip and Grins

Wickman has noticed a striking similarity between the photos in the last three posts. Joey Ewen is a pro at award giving and the old "Grip and Grin" photo. Textbook.

2009 Player of the Year

The three nominations for Player of the Year were Kammy, Richard Cole and Dominic Lown. In a year when Kamran scored more than 600 runs and Dom Lown outbowled Saqqy it was going to take an extra special season from one player to knock them off the top perch.

Richard Cole's stats for the year are seriously impressive. Five fifties a five for and a four for (someone dropped his five for on this occasion behind the stumps. Who is Wickman?) were highlights, but this correspodent was more impressed this year with the manner of Richard's performances. At Old Paulines in mid season he scored 44 out of 50 on the board chasing an awkward total. His 90 not out against the same oppo at home belittled a slightly more taxing chase. This was really dominant, fluent batting which broke opposition hearts. Well done Rich. Well deserved. Vintage stuff.

[This photo's a bit blurred. Tongy was obviously emotional - Ed]

2009 Batsman of the Year

The winner:

Kamran Raza

630 runs at an average of 45 meant that once again, Kammy was one of the most feared batsman in Division 1 of the Surrey Fuller’s League. Seemingly able to be amongst the runs every week, his six league 50s were eclipsed by a memorable 102 not out off just 80 balls to help the 1st XI chase down 250 against Godalming. Kammy capped a memorable year by being elected as the new captain of the 1st XI for 2010 season.

The nominees:

Richard Cole

Richard has led from the front this year opening the batting on every one of his 14 league appearances, amassing a huge 553 runs in the process. Not even having all his kit stolen halfway through the year managed to halt his pursuit of league honours and an impressive 42.5 proudly sits him at the top of the Division 5 averages.

Imran Rashid

Imran’s maiden league season was one to remember. Described as the most consistent player in the club, 3 excellent league 50s didn’t tell the whole story as he made 9 other scores between, 25 & 40. Imran “The Wall” Rashid will look to build on those impressive starts and kick on in 2010.

2009 Bowler of the Year

The Winner:

Dominic Lown

Taking the new ball and leading from the front Lownsy sent down 122.3 overs in the 2009 league season returning 28 wickets at miserly average of just 13.6. However the highlight of a fantastic year had to be his 8/15 when he almost single handedly dismissed a more than capable Caterham 3rd XI back to the hutch before 2:30 on a Saturday afternoon. This was unsurprisingly the best return for the division, the third best for any Surrey Champ division and also saw him outbowl one Saqlain Mushtaq!

The nominees:

Richard Cole

What an amazing all-round season from Richard Cole as he added the title of being leading wicket taker, to leading run scorer for the 2nd XI in 2009. 28 wickets at an average of 16.36 showed great control and skill in what was for him, a season never to forget.

Phil Linter

The most improved performer in the 2009 season, Phil Linter is another success of the Hampton Wick Colts & Consolidated PR production line. Adding more control to an extra yard of pace, Phil Linter “away swung” his way to 23 league wickets.

2009 Fielder of the Year

The Winner:

Marc Holland

The most high profile of all the summer transfers, Ol' Soft Gloves re-re-joined the Wick in 2009 after arriving on a “Bosman” from near neighbors, Old Paulines. Taking the gloves for the 1xi was a challenge he relished and glowing reports of textbook glove work and nimble feet were backed up with 14 dismissals in 13 league starts. A great comeback year, from the comeback king!

The nominees:

Derek Soppitt

A fantastic fielder who always seems to be in the running for club honors at the end of any season. Ol' old hands has made the position of Mid-Off his own and is a captain’s dream due to his excellent availability and constant encouragement for the bowlers. Delboy managed to grab 9 dismissals this season with 8 catches and 1 run-out showing the youngsters the way and proving that age “ain’t, nothing but a number”

James Cameron

11 catches were plucked by the paws of Cimmy G this season making him a fielder for all opposition batsmen to avoid. Witnesses claim they saw him grab rasping drives and powerful cuts hit so hard that they had no idea how they stuck! Two words… jelly beans! Unfortunately Ol' sticky fingers is presently plucking his way around Asia. But fear not the newly elected 3xi skipper will be back in time for the start of the 2010 season and sends this message in his absence… Believe!

HWRCC 2009 Club Dinner

It's that time of year again. The dust has settled in DBW's kitchen. There's a winter tour on somehwere where the Sun shines every day. Contact with Wick members is limited to early morning grunting at unshaven hollow-eyed worker drones heading up to town to earn some shillings to spend in the bar next Summer.

Out of the gloom of a December so wet that even golf seems a chore, suddenly there was a bright light. Yes - the Wick end of season dinner happened on Saturday. Long enough after the season to allow rancour at poor umpiring decisions on club day to pass aside and soon enough before Christmas for it to be the first big seasonal engagement for most, the Dinner kicked off December in fine style.

Dom Lown and David Fudge organised a fine Wick evening which has gone down already as one of Matty G's favourite Wick nights - which is praise indeed as Matty G has had many legendary Wick nights. The Wick herself looked fabulous. Many, many thanks to Dom's mum who tirelessly worked at all the little things to make the place look special. Dom's catering folk turned up three courses of very edible food, attractively priced and tasty wine washed it down and Harry Copeland's "Let Get Science" entertained us until the early hours. For some the hours were earlier than others...

The evening is in part to celebrate achievements on the field (of which more later) and to recall deeds of derring do (and some not quite so derring) and partly to swell the coffers of the club after a Summer of expense. Dom and David - with kind assistance from Mickey McMahon, the brothers Webster, Coley and others including Golby who provided prizes, managed to make an excellent return on the evening, clearing four figures in the silent auction and bar profits alike. Well done to Cranesy for securing the much competed for Wentworth Golf Day with the Websters for an eye-watering sum.

This important evening really makes a difference to our club - and what better way to spend an evening's fund raising than in the company of friends. Thanks Dom and Dave for a great evening. Wickman's levels of Wickness, dangerously low after an Autumn away, have been recharged... along with Club funds...

[A sobering moment as Cranesy realises his Wentworth dream will come true - Ed]

Cobwebs

Ooo. Blimey. Not been here in a while. Hmmm. Spring clean. Must try harder etc.

Expect a flurry of posts soon...

Where's Wickman Junior? And who is Wickman?

Blogged Too Soon

Oh dear. Get well Banger.

Trezzer and Somerset

Perhaps the most human story from The Champions League tournament is the return of Marcus Trescothick to the subcontinent. Wickman recently read Banger's autobiography Coming Back To Me and it's a harrowing tale of a cricketer coming to terms with mental fallibility. Weighed down by sickness, confined to hotel rooms, struggling with Indian poverty and tortured by the divide between his duty to his family and to his team mates and country, Trescothick is almost destroyed by severe depression. As his life unravells he makes a series of errors of judgement and his life spirals giddily out of control.

To see him back on the World stage (almost) and functioning as a cricketer is a real pleasure. His achievements for England are all the more special for the paucity of one day resources (in particular) that we now have. Getting through to the next stage of this tournament will hopefully give him two more chances to set his stamp on proceedings and Wickman for one hopes we see more of the fireworks he has become known for around the world in the next week.

The book's well worth a look at for those of us who've thought that playing International cricket would be one long dream of run scoring, foreign sunshine and days out at Lords.

Wickman's Travels and Travails

To Sandown with Il Presidente Bob, Chairman Mao and the fast disappearing Alison. It's League Dinner time. Wickman is looking forward to a pleasant evening with friends if not the tedium of another awards ceremony at Sandown. At least in previous years (admittedly Fullers years) there were a couple of almost off colour comedians to liven up the evening and Wickman has fond memories of Paul Allott.

There's no real ale (come on Shepherd Neame - surely some of your fantastic Late Red or a pint or two of Spitfire could have been rustled up?) which puts Wickman in a slightly less than generous frame of mind. The food isn't too bad although at £35 a pop something slightly more exciting than a profit making soup could have been assembled for the starter. And as Alison pointed out (only someone who is as svelte as her would have noticed) there was no chocolate with the coffee. The reasonable bottle of red (retails in most off licences for about £8) had been scandalously marked up to £26.

Hearts sink as Henry Kelly is confirmed as guest speaker. We're informed that he is passionate about cricket so hearts are slightly buoyed. Sadly though the evening descends into anarchy as he seems to be off his game somewhat. The awards are handed out with him burbling along and failing to pronounce many of the team names. Handling a terrible job terribly Kelly then attempts to restore order by asking for respect for the winners from those assembled. This goes down badly with the crowd who are less than impressed with him turning up late in the first place.

There's then a terribly compered Q&A session with the Surrey hierarchy of Gus someone, Chris Adams and Ian Salisbury. None is, shall we say, a natural speaker. Kelly reads out a ridiculous question about a left handed 12 year old (Wickman thinks) and the room is nonplussed and begins to talk amongst itself as a host of rubbish questions are answered badly by the by now slightly worried panel.

The Q&A session goes horribly wrong. Adams tries to play the respect card by telling us that our brave boys are fighting in other countries. Somehow Kelly accuses the audience of being drunk. Someone else asks why Surrey encourages the best colts to join central training and then tries to poach them to better clubs. There is uproar when the question is ducked. There is some heckling cum sledging and then someone borrows the mic to ask how much Kelly is being paid. He asks the questioner how much he has had to drink and the room has been lost for good.

There is an attempt to restore order but things have gone too far. The organisers failing to apologise for serving up some obviously un-rehearsed tosh, an attempt to get Kelly back to the stage is met with little enthusiasm (a show of hands is demanded to coax the by now highly embarrassed guest speaker back to the stage - five hands go up from 500). The evening descends into a post-mortem and carriages arrive at 11.30.

Apparently the Fullers lot have booked Aggers. Wickman quite fancies a bit of that. Anyone who has played cricket at a decent level, can talk cricket, interview Lily Allen and who tweets more than Wickman must be all right. But Wickman will be thinking at least twice before going to another Surrey League dinner. Wickman spoke to some veterans of the event (they'd picked up a major award but only three of them came to the awards - we pick up second place and 30 of us turn up). They said "this year was really bad, a bit of a shame that Kelly wasn't allowed to speak, but its this bad every year".

Let's face it. 95% of the audience has been at work all week. They want a couple of beers, a vat of wine and a good laugh. As about 60 per cent of the tickets are purchased as part of our membership of the League - so to an extent we have to go to offset the cost to the club - the evening needs to be well organised, hosted and delivered. Most of us work in jobs and industries where the shambolic organisation and ridiculous compereing would have cost us our jobs. There was no good laugh on Friday.

Maybe some of the catcalls, ironic clapping and bronx cheers will convince the organisers to pay someone to do the job properly next year. Or post out the trophies. They may never get there with industrial relations as they are but it saves the red faces all round that we suffered on Friday.

Strauss unsure....

Andrew Strauss is sending out some odd signals out at the moment. Wickman Junior thinks he may be getting a little tired after having written Testing Times - a book that, incidentally, was cruelly overlooked at this year's Booker Prize awards. It's a sad indictment on the state of the nation's literary portfolio when a book about Oliver Cromwell (a bloke who's been dead for over 350 years) can pip some of the best cricketing, and can i suggest more relevant, publishing we are seeing at the moment from Gilchrist and the like. Go figure. I defy anyone who's ever read "Out of my comfort zone" from Steve Waugh, to say that it shouldn't be a part of every English syllabus in classrooms across the country. But I digress....

Speaking about the next stage in England's journey, Strauss said this...

"We have a busy summer of cricket before the Ashes in Australia so there's a lot of cricket ahead," he told BBC Radio Five's Sportsweek programme.

"The key is to make sure the players are fresh but at the same time you don't want to be tinkering with the side too much.

"The Bangladesh tour is quite a useful one in our development in terms of playing on sub-continental wickets...I'm not going to say I am definitely on it at this stage and I'm not going to say I'm definitely not on it, we'll just need to see where we are as a side."

"I can't guarantee anything, I don't know what will happen in the next few months. We only select one tour at a time. The South Africa tour is a massive one and then we've got Bangladesh in February and March. When we select that we'll sit down and see where we are as a side with injuries, niggles and all that stuff. We'll sit down and decide the best course of action."

Take his first point about it being a "busy summer of cricket, so there will lots of cricket ahead". Thank you for pointing this out Andrew. Wickman Junior can't imagine how this talk would go down in the dressing room. Perhaps there are players in the team who thought it would be a fairly quiet summer of cricket? Also - if it is going to be a busy summer of cricket, were some expecting to play tennis instead?! Of course there is going to be a lot of cricket ahead Andrew - i'd expect that in a "busy" summer of cricket.

Then this: "I can't guarantee anything. I don't know what will happen in the next few months". What?! Aren't England touring South Africa soon - that will surely take care of the next few months. Wickman Junior has even read a fixtures list to confirm this. Has Andrew not been told? Maybe this hasn't been "guaranteed" as Andrew puts it, and he's asked players to rock up to Heathrow to see if they can get on a flight to South Africa, in the hope of getting a game. But looking at his next comment: "The South Africa tour is a massive one and then we've got Bangladesh in February and March. We only select one tour at a time", would seem to suggest he does know what will happen in the next few months, and that England have selected more than one tour at a time. It's totally baffling. And, you know, talk like this from the England skipper only fosters uncertainty. That can't be a good thing.

Wickman Junior

At it Again

Straussy is back in town with a book to launch. Which was the perfect opportunity for him to mangle some English language. Let's call it Captinglish. Here he boldly comments that England should not rest on euphoria.

Nice. But how do you rest on euphoria? The accepted linguistic avenue to go down in these sorts of circumstances is not to rest on ones laurels. Wickman reckons any resting that might have been happening probably stopped happening when we lost six ODIs in a row to Australia followed by one each to NZ and Australia. But as KP mentioned last week there are two momentums, Test and One Day. Maybe you can have Test and One Day laurels too? And if you do work out how to rest on euphoria, maybe you can rest on Test euphoria even if you have run out of One Day euphoria.

[This parrot was resting on euphoria and it didn't work out well - Ed]

Suits You...

Congratulations to the Aussies for winning two one sided games in a row to win the ICC Champions Trophy. But good God. When are they going to wear those hideous blazers ever again?

Brett Lee has his own suit label. Wickman recalls in fact that he even has his own suit shoppe back home. Wickman thinks that even he wouldn't turn out in this gopping number. It makes Roger Federer's desperately naff Wimbledon attire look positively natty.

[Here's Brett Lee in one of his own creations. Ooooo. Ed]

Let's not forget: It's a team game

As pointed out by Wickman on a previous blog, nothing much seems to get past Shaky Isles skipper Daniel Vettori. For those unaware, he previously opined that cricket was all about "posting a total" (to a blog perhaps?) and then "defending it". This is a roundabout way of saying: "we need to get more runs than the other team in order to win". He's a wily fox....stroking that beard and all.

Fresh on the back of this zinger, is his explanation for NZ's success in this tournament.

"Basically the reason we have come so far is because we've had team performances," said Vettori, a day before he leads his side out against Australia at Centurion.

Wickman Junior likes this reasoning, but is slightly perplexed about why this would not apply to every other country in the Champions Trophy. Surely, they are all playing in teams of 11 Daniel? Perhaps he is suggesting that other sides are not actually teams at all, but rather individuals who happen to chuck on similar coloured shirts and are lumped together? Is there an option for country's to just put forward one all rounder perhaps instead? Wickman Junior is imagining Ravi Bopara batting, bowling, keeping and fielding all on his own. Maybe it could make all the difference in future? But at the moment, it would appear that the "team" structure is still the way forward.

Wickman Junior

ICC Trophy Final

What a triumph holding an international trophy final on a Monday again. Wickman blogged about this once before. At least last time it happened (think it was the World 2020 in South Africa) the day of the final was a public holiday in the host country. Probably no one there gives a damn now that the final is between two sides from the other side of the World but still...

This time the people of China, Kiribati, Christmas Island, Laos, Macau, Mozambique, North Korea (they love their imperialist sports over there, oh yes), Portugal and St Lucia will get a chance to watch the game. Anyone in this time zone will spend at least half the final watching ball by ball updates on crackinfo (actually that site does ring a few bells for Wickman), half the second innings on public transport getting home and the remainder fighting the Missus over whether an ICC Trophy final is important enough to miss Eastenders for.

There does seem to be a limited national holiday in Australia - which would put them head of the Kiwis. But the time difference will work against both nations as most of the game will probably take place on Tuesday morning.

Nice work ICC. Building the profile of world cricket again...

[An Aussie Cricket Fan preparing for the game - Ed]

Momentum

Wickman is now extremely concerned about momentum. Everyone in the England camp has been talking about it for the last few days. A win against the Aussies began to give us some "momentum". We then seized on it to beat the Sri Lankans. After that we were in full momentum swing and trounced the Jaapies. But then we had momentum issues and lost to the Kiwis yesterday who picked up a bit of momentum of their own. So in ODI terms we were LLLLLLWWW and now we are LLLLLLWWWL. What next? Will we symmetrically now lose five more in a row with negative momentum? Wickman is confused.

What's even more confusing is it seems you can have two kinds of momentum. KP here talks about not losing the Ashes momentum. So maybe there is Test momentum as well as one day momentum and you can get destroyed by Australia six times in a row in one day cricket but lose no Test momentum in the process?

Wickman needs a lie down.

Shah Gets Ahead of Himself

Here Owais Shah says it's important for England not to get ahead of themselves. He then goes on to talk about the next step being winning the semi-final "whenever it is". No Owais, the next step is beating New Zealand today...

Strauss Grows a Pair

Cor. Stone the crows. England have won two one day matches in a row. And the style they have done it in. Incredible.

Now Wickman isn't writing here of the dashing batting of Shah and Colly - although they did bat out of their skins. Nor is he referring to Morgan's dashing 60 odd which had Bob Willis wetting himself in the commentary box alongside Harsha Bogle (good name). No. Wickman's fascinated by Andrew "The Steel" Strauss' refusal to give Smith a runner.

You used to have to be Australian to refuse a runner - it was in all the unofficial laws. Ranatunga famously was told by Ian Healy that you don't get a runner because you are fat. Last night Smith was knackered. On his last legs having biffed 120 odd and put in 50 overs at first slip. AB De V (the fastest man on either side) turned up to do some running for his cramped up skipper.

And boy did the crowd and the dressing room not like it when the umpires and Strauss (mostly Strauss) told Cruella to go and put his feet up. Howls from the stands. Gnashing of teeth from the dressing room. Supporters accusing Strauss of having a long twirly moustache a black cape and a tall hat. Others recalling Ponting's 2005 run out as evidence of malfeasance (despite forgetting that Pratt was on for Simon Jones who was in hospital that time).

For some reason an England skipper deciding (although it's the umpires who make the decision - check your laws) that Smith - cramped up, not injured - couldn't have a runner is a dastardly and cowardly act of a scared leader. There's a sense in which the poor, crippled South African leader was mortally wounded like some figure from a a Hollywood blockbuster or more likely the Black Knight of Monty Python fame. Apparently Smith would have won the game from there if he'd been allowed someone to run for him.

Wickman says we will never know but reckons its a pile of old bollocks. It's hardly as if the plucky Smith, with limbs hacked off by the dastardly English captain, fought valiantly against insurmountable odds. SA did not lose this game because he became dehydrated and Strauss denied him a "Ganguly" (def. get a bit tired and won't run). They lost it because they bowled worse than England and only Smith was able to bat for any length of time. Perhaps the added psychological weight of being told he couldn't have a runner also crushed the Smith psyche and he wilted. But Wickman doubts it.

Having said that Wickman is keenly anticipating Andrew's first knock in South Africa in a few weeks. Smith at first slip. Steyn 90 yards away pawing the ground like an enraged bull. "Short leg, two out on the hook, the rest of you between me and AB at gully. Let it rip Dale..."

Daniel Vettori - New Career as Mystic Dan?

In a preview for today's ICC Trophy clash between Danny V's New Zealand and the home side Daniel displayed remarkable clear sight. Asked about the game he said:

The challenge is to put a score on the board and defend it as a bowling unit

Wickman was originally attracted to this gem because of its seeming banality. Yes Danny, there's no pulling the wool over your eyes after 240+ ODIs. Then Wickman was briefly entertained by the thought of what would happen if Danny lost the toss and the Jaapies batted? "Sheeeeit boys I lost the toss. How do we go about this whole ODI thing if we have to field first? Defend a total we haven't got by not letting them get so many runs that we can't get them? Or maybe - we could give them less runs than we think we could score. Erm... right... perhaps we could try to defend our bowling score as a batting unit. Brendon, Jesse - you boys have played a few, whaddya reckon?"

But in reality Danny was merely stating a fact as he saw it. If he won the toss, he was going to have a bat. He clearly knew that the Jaapies would stick in the black whatevertheyares. Which begs an intersting question. How did he know? Is he a bit like Derren Brown planting the suggestion in the mind of Smithy? Whatever. If its a genuine talent he's got Wickman suggests we get him over to Kempton so we can spunk the club's bank balance on his prediction for the first race of next season. Genius.

[Derren Brown today in the nets at Centurion - Ed]

captain obvious

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Owais and the Winning Spirit

Wickman is contacted by a cricketing expert who reguarly travels to the subcontinent. It is a little known fact that Owais Shah writes for the Times Of India. This, you can be assured, is a new one on Wickman. When, you might think, does Mr Shah get the time? And, with all the sub-continental talent on offer, why in heaven's name do they need Owais?

No matter. Shah is clearly a genius in the mould of Arthur. Commenting on last week's seminal win at Durham against the finest one day team ever to play the game he says:

It was nice winning the final ODI against Australia after losing the first six games. Now the real challenge for us is to keep up the momentum. We are in the right frame of mind for the Champions Trophy and the win will help our cause immensely. We need to maintain the spirit of winning and the result will take care of itself.

Let's have a quick look at this shall we? First of all it was "nice". Nice? Tea is nice. Beating Australia in a one day international? Surely you should be using a swear word, even in the Times of India? Perhaps not. Perhaps it was TOTALLY AWESOME. Or A MASSIVE RELIEF. OR SLIGHTLY EMBARRASSING AFTER GETTING HAMMERED. Nice.

Now we come to momentum. Momentum is an expression of impetus. Force times speed or something like that. So exactly how much momentum do you pick up from winning one game after a six game losing streak. I'm guessing we've taken the old handbrake off and are beginning to move down the hill. We haven't even turned the key to start the engine. We're the Luca Badoer of the cricket world.

Apparently Owais and the boys are in the right frame of mind for the Champions Trophy. Mmmmm let's think about that shall we? The right frame of mind after losing four wickets in 14 balls chasing not very many against a mediocre bowling attack. Suuurrre you are. Owais old fella. You might not even get a game because your fielding is only just better than your running between the wickets. I'm guessing when you look in the mirror on match day you are practising exactly how you will look carrying the drinks tray.

Finally they need to maintain the spirit of winning. What is the spirit of winning? Rum? Vodka? In which case they need a good barman. As long as they look after it the result will take care of itself. Oh yes. As long as you have the winning spirit you don't even have to turn up and play. Maybe that's been the mistake this series. The boys had bathed in the winning spirit during the Ashes like Obelix falling into the magic potion as a baby and thought all they had to do was turn up...

[Here is Owais picking up the cash for his latest Times of India column - Ed]

Mickey Arthur - Coaching Genius

One day in to our STBO campaign, Mickey Arthur has come out with an absolute humdinger.

Over at cricinfo, Firdose Moonda has asked whether cricket's perennial nearly men, the Jaapies, will win the tourney.

Moonda, no fool, has identified that South Africa are at home in this tournament. And this is not wasted on Arthur either. Nosiree.

"We are extremely comfortable with the two venues the tournament will be played at (Supersport Park, Centurion and The Wanderers, Johannesburg)," said Arthur. "We've had some good results at both stadiums in the past and we receive lots of local support there as well."

Let's look into this shall we? First: they are extremely comfortable with the venues. No. Really? You don't say. Is he hinting that if they had picked, let's say, Lords or the MCG there might be slightly less of an advantage? He continues mentioning that they have had some good results there. You'd hope so. Given they will have played more games there than any other side and, Wickman's guessing, some of the players may even play for clubs that use these grounds they would have, from time to time, scraped a couple of wins. Finally, and this is where Arthur is simply head and shoulders above his coaching rivals, he identifies that they receive "lots of local support there as well".

Wickman is in awe - AWE of his intellect. This makes Buchanan's use of Sun Tzu pale into insignificance and Fletcher's Forward Press look like just another trigger movement.

[Here's Mickey about to deliver a strategic gem - Ed]

Ashes turned to Booze cruise?

Andrew Flintoff's "update" to his autobiography has left Wickman Junior in a state of bemusement. Firstly, just going off the bit for a sec...Wickman Junior loves the fact that sports people (usually) can just add to their autobiographies as they go along. That David Beckham has about six means that we can probably expect more from Freddie in future. I can see him now penning chapters about his time for the New South Wales Blues one-day side, appearing in the Hong Kong Super 8s, and about how difficult it was to tell his kids about the "corridor of uncertainty"....but I digress.

Speaking about the 2006-07 Ashes tour, Flintoff said: "I found myself questioning my own ability and I was questioning the team", and also, "It didn't matter we were losing heavily, it didn't matter that the team seemed to be breaking into factions and it didn't matter that I was finding it hard to hold them together."

Wickman Junior is wondering what sort of questions Freddie was asking the team, but surely one of the questions he must have asked was: "boys, why aren't we winning? or why are we playing badly? Unlike Flintoff, Wickman Junior doesn't see these questions as bad, which he seems to be implying. But rather, surely if a team is losing, it is only right to ask why, and to "question" the team? But then it gets even more confusing. Freddie says that "it didn't matter that we were losing heavily". Hang on. So the questions weren't probably even related to how the team was performing? This is bizarre indeed. So just what was he asking? "Where can I get a good burger?" Wickman Junior is unsure, but clearly whatever it was confused the team.

Secondly, this "factions" business seems to be rearing its head again. Wickman Junior doesn't understand this. Was there a left-handed faction? A select band of guys who didn't drink? Maybe people who liked wearing high pants? If this was the case, it's not surprising Freddie was finding it difficult to hold the players together. Perhaps they should have been focusing on cricket, and that, SURELY, has to come from the top. Maybe if Freddie had questionned his team a little more, the factions would surely have come together....

More questions than answers....but let's look forward to the next installment

(attached picture: prizes given to who can guess which faction KP is in) Wickman Junior

Stating the Bleedin' Obvious

Wickman and Wickman Junior from time to time put aside the cares and worries of everyday industry and discuss the beautiful game during working hours. Recently talk has turned to the platitidinous (here's a handy link Delboy) nature of many cricket related interviews.

With pages to cover and interview slots to fill, the modern cricketer needs to work hard on his or her pre and post match game. Obviously this duty falls particularly hard on the skipper of any xi and they are bound to be caught out in this form of the game more often than other players. Cooky though is vulnerable to the pre-match good lenghth (500 word) interview in the Metro and Colly can make his batting in the real form of the game look like a Yuvraj whirlwind in comparison to him grinding out a post match broadcast slot.

To give them something to do during the long winter ahead W and WJr will bring to you the best of these bon mots - starting with a perfect example from the England captain which sums up the struggle. Commenting on the recent 1-6 win against the Australians and previewing our chances in the ICC Trophy Captain Fantastic said: "We need to be honest and not settle for mediocrity".

Wickman was disturbed by this. There's no doubt some of England's one day cricket in this most recent series has been mediocre. Boy has it been mediocre. But who has been settling for it? The Coach? James Anderson? Owais Shah? That the England team now needs to be honest and stop settling for it is very unsettling indeed.

Wickman particularly likes this piece of utter banality because it is, in itself, a completely mediocre comment too. So it's the perfect start to our Winter campaign. Feel free to email with your favourites...

Name the One Day Squad

When we aren't playing league cricket (Sunday and Wednesday) what should we be called? There are moves afoot to consider entering a special one day league next year (find out more at the AGM) and we might, perhaps, go all 2010 and have coloured kit. Nice.

So what should we be called? We can hardly go out as The Hamptons (unfortunate rhyming slang connotations). The Royals? The Stags? The Basils? Leave your views here...

[It was recently suggested that we were a "cockney" team by an oppo - so maybe here's an idea for our strip - Ed]

No more excuses for One Day debacle

Wickman was amused to hear Andrew Strauss has finally not offering any excuses for the execrable performances in this one day series.

Wickman has always been a big fan of inventive excuses. The Dog ate my homework was always a favourite alongside the classic "food poisoning" which always mysteriously clears up so that a returning employee can be on the beers on a Wednesday evening.

Wickman has noticed that the unfairer sex have advantages in the illness excuse making game. If a young lady texts in and says she's a little bit Tom and Dick and can't come in today you can GUARANTEE that the following day she will turn up looking like the Bride of Dracula or Lilleth from Frasier because she will deliberately not wear make up. So wan, so sickly does this make her look that you are fooled into thinking she's had a brain embolism and has staggered in off her death bed just to make your business profitable. The reality is she's probably been sporting enough war paint to cover a Native American tribe for months just so that when she pulls this sickie it looks effective.

It's hardly as if Andrew Strauss can turn up to the last game of the one day series without his make up on. Or rather if he does we will know that he's preparing to take a sickie somewhere down the line. And frankly what excuses has he got? The two best one day players in the country are injured?

It seems to Wickman that the selectors are in a terrible mess here and if Straussy needs an excuse he should blame the selectors. They seem to have got in a mess with the 50 over stuff because they aren't sure of the Test side and 2020 has turned their heads. Since when is Matt Prior an international No4? Forgive Wickman but surely you would want someone in that position (and number 3) who you thought was more likely than anyone else in the team to able to score a one day ton? Where did all the Test players go? Why is Trotty a test player, but not a 50 overs man? Why when every successful one day side has an explosive opener at the top of the order do we have pedestrians?

Wickman thinks its time to go back to first principles. Pick your best 12 cricketers and leave one out depending on the conditions. If you have a truly slow Boycottesque test opener perhaps leave them to get on with something else but otherwise? Pick a proper cricketer every time in this form of the game.

Club dinner - NEW DATE

The club dinner will now be held on Saturday 5th December from 7pm. Tickets will be available from club captains and Dom.

Drinks Reception

3 course Dinner

End of season awards

Music from the Wick's own "Let's get Science"

Silent Auction

SUPPORT YOUR CLUB!

Quiz night and colts v coaches match

Saturday 5th September

Please join us for the annual colts and club vs coaches match. This will be a great family event, with the dads trying to prove they still have it, and the sons proving that youth can prevail over experience.

Following this starting at 7.30pm will be the annual quiz night hosted by messieurs Clark and Hibberd. Entry will be £10 a head with teams of 6 people and food/drink will be provided. This has been the best social of the year over the past few seasons so please make every effort to get down. It is also the last game of the season with the 2's playing away, so will be a great end to the season.

for further details please speak to Dom/Nick and let us know numbers/teams. We will be appointing team captains over the next 2 weeks as well.

fantasy cricket up to end of week 14

Missing stats from one 1st team game...

JT Raffle Raises £700+

A big thank you again to Joey and Alison for their hard work in putting together the raffle for the JT Memorial Game. And a big thank you to everyone for their generosity in buying so many tickets. The raffle raised £700 which means that almost everyone there must have spent a considerable amount.

We name checked the sponsors in an earlier post on the subject, but for all your phone needs do see Marc Holland and think of o2 as the Wick's favourite network provider, think Haymarket publishing for all your magazine needs (they do a lovely subscription for all those difficult birthdays and Christmasses) and if you live near Surbiton and require footwear then are your people.

Makes you feel good...

Match Report - 2xi vs Cranleigh cc

HWRCC 2xi vs Cranleigh 2xi
HWRCC 214 all out. Wright 97*
Cranleigh 48 for 0
Abandoned

Wrong Result for Wright

Not often you get a match report for an abandoned game. We bat. We have tea. They bat a bit. It rains. We mope around in the dressing room. They want to play on because they think they can get a winning draw. We don’t want to because the ball is wetter than a spider crab’s speedos. Everyone gets a bit annoyed. We have a few beers. Er… that’s it.

This abandoned game is worth a few words if only to recognise Wrighty’s one man Wick rescue mission – which – had he not completed it – might have seen us bowled out early enough for us to have leaked an embarrassing win to the team just below us. We aren’t completely out of the woods yet this season and it was important not to concede a silly loss.

The day was always likely to end in rain. The BBC said 5pm was a good indicator of when the heavens would open. Wrighty was patiently explaining that an unbroken front was coming in from the West and that once it started, that would be it for the day. AJ too was well informed about atmospheric conditions and gave a long lecture on the difference between rain and showers. In the event losing the toss was always going to result in us batting as the only chance to create a result would have been to skittle and then to knock ‘em off.

Cranleigh though had not brought the most threatening attack with them. A young team – Wickman thinks 3 over the age of majority, the rest teens – they bowled well with the new ball but there was no real threat to life and limb, only nagging lines. These did for most of the top order though. Sort of tied down by the good ones, Nathan, Clarky, Del and Fudgey all perished going after loose ones and full tosses. Very odd batting performance all in all. AJ, his thoughts on warm fronts coming in from the East, looked imperious but fell for the lobbed up sucker ball from their offspinner. We didn’t have very many by drinks and we didn’t have much more batting to come.

Up the other end, quite serenely, Wrigthy was scoring runs. No big shots, just working it around, looking unflustered and picking the gaps. Del and Paddy kept him company – Paddy hitting the sweetest of sixes back over the offy’s head. With perhaps the main danger averted, Tommy D and Wrighty went into all out attack mode and Wrighty discovered that some of the younger Cranliegh fielders couldn’t catch swine flu at a pig farm. He benefitted from at least two drops and a couple of youngsters running away from catchable chances. When Tommy and Powelly perished in relatively quick succession Wrighty was left with Junaid as partner and three runs needed for his ton.

Sadly Clarky then triggered Junaid to leaver Wrighty stranded. Well, when Wickman says triggered, what he means is Clarky gave Junaid out LBW. He’d just had a reassuring conversation with Wrighty saying that his digit of death was going to say in his pocket. But the best of the Cranliegh youngsters bowled a fast, straight, Yorker that hit Junaid on the foot bang in front of middle. Clarky tells me the following things went through his head. “Oh shit no, that’s out! Hell’s teeth. Are there any reasons not to give it? Wasn’t no ball. Can see off stump and leg stump but not middle. Damn. Bat behind pad. Damn. Full toss. Going straight on. Will hit middle stump. More chance of going under the stumps than over them. Damn. Junaid looking as guilty as a puppy next to a pile of poo and still standing there plumb in front. Damn. Can’t bring self to cheat. Gotta give it.” And so ended the innings with Wrighty marooned.

Tea was stupendous. No, seriously. All of Dave’s best bits on display at the same time. Mustard too. And pickle – the thick black treacley kind. Niiiice. Clarky filled his boots and when his boots were filled he filled his gloves too. 8.5.

One of their openers (the one that wasn’t the size of an oompa loompa) decided to get after the bowling as the weather was not going to get any better. He threw the bat a bit and scored a number of runs through third man, mostly off the unlucky Fudge who treated us to an opening spell of some hostility and skill. The rains then came and we were off.

It’s interesting what people talk about in rain breaks. Mostly in our dressing room attempts were made to wind up Clarky for robbing Wrighty of his well deserved ton and thoughts turned to club day. On the opposition bench the youngsters discussed getting drunk and getting into the knickers of loosely moralled young ladies of their acquaintance. Which it was pretty clear none of them had done. They all jumped on top of each other and ruffled each other’s hair in a matey way. Nice.

We had another go at getting the game on but it rained again. While it did eventually stop raining, It was clear that our bowlers would be unable to stand up or grip the ball until the ground had dried out - so after a while, when it became clear that it would not become clear, everyone shook hands and there was no result.

MOM Wrighty.

Team News: Sat 1st August

HWRCC 1ST XI V's GUILDFORD C.C. (AWAY)

1) Davies 2) Rashid 3) Raza (c) 4) Mackie 5) High 6) Perera 7) Holland + 8) Tong 9) Whinny 10) Tughral 11) Appleyard

Meet - 11:00 Start - 13:30

HWRCC 2ND XI V's CRANLEIGH C.C. (HOME)

1) Singh 2) Fudge (c) 3) Jackson 4) Wright 5) Clark + 6) Soppitt 7) Hirsch 8) McMullan 9) Donnelly 10) Powell 11) Iqbal

Meet - 12:00 Start - 13:00

HWRCC 3RD XI V's EPSOM C.C. (HOME)

1) Risman 2) Jones + 3) Murray 4) Lloyd (c) 5) Tughral Jnr 6) Cameron 7) Kashyapa 8) Linter 9) Lown 10) Smith 11) TBC

Meet - 12:00 Start - 13:00

JT Memorial Game – Wick Sunday 26th July

Wick xi – 274 for 6 (35 overs) Davies 120+, Bonay 30+, High 30+, Holland 30+, Clark 30+ for 5, Delboy Some, Bharat (quack)

Crossbats xi – 150ish all out. Bharat 2 for, Delboy 3 for, Leggsy 2?

Matty D leads confident Wick performance to remember JT

On a grey day reminiscent of the 2007 season the Wick hosted a game with much to remember between the club and our Crossbat friends. A fine knock from Matty D, ably supported by a guesting O’Mahoney, Charlie High and Marc Holland, set a daunting total in 35 overs that a Crossbats mid innings recovery struggled to match.

A strong turnout both in the pavilion and on the field was a fitting memorial for our much missed umpire, cricketing colleague and Club Man extraordinaire, John Tilley. The game was conducted in a spirit of friendship that he would have approved of and if there would have been a little too much horseplay for his liking he surely would have allowed himself a wry smile over some of the banter that accompanied proceedings in the middle.

Davies and O’Mahoney were brutal early on and a tough afternoon in the field beckoned for Crossbats. When Boney was eventually caught ¾s of the way back to the long off boundary after half an hour of extremely entertaining cutting, driving and pulling he was replaced by High who put on a big 100+ partnership with Davies who looked to be seeing it like a beach ball. Time and again Davies exploited the lack of a third man with brutal late cuts and the lack of cover behind square with hooks, pulls and deflections. This was a well deserved and finely executed century that would have graced any game at the Wick.

High – some might say circumspect here – played beautifully straight down the ground and eventually opened his shoulders peppering the long on boundary rather than his customary cow. On this form he promises much for the future. Holland nudged and biffed an efficient twenty something. Clark made 32 but was dropped five times and flayed around much like a man drowning in a paddling pool. Bharat was unfortunate to play an extravagant shot to the best ball of the day to depart for a truly spectacular duck and it was left to Delboy to sweetly time a handful of boundaries at the end to set up a truly daunting total.

For the Crossbats skipper Shandy Dunbar had some considerable nip, Mupes some truly extraordinary bowling stylings and young Tommy Robinson beat even Davies on a number of occasions. The horse bolted long before a series of catches (Clark benefitting the most although he confessed that not even being given five chances played him into any form) prevented Crossbats from exerting much influence on the course of the Wick innings.

Tea was an abomination was aberrant and abhorrent and scores -2. Not a single sandwich. Nothing but some biscuits and teacakes. Wickman – perhaps with premonition – rustled up something for himself before leaving his secret lair but otherwise would have been consuming his own muscle and fat reserves by the end of the game. Even some of the moister deer turds could have set his stomach a rumbling. The post match bar-be-cue made up for this on the way in but detained Wickman this morning and made him late for work as it rushed through his system on its way to the treatment plants by the A316.

Crossbats were soon in trouble in their reply losing early wickets to the flight and guile of MC and a spited Godhania looking to avenge his first baller in the Wick innings. There was a first baller in it for Crossbats too when a stumping was executed with such stealth that the confused batsman had no idea by what means he had perished and had to be ushered from the field like a defeated boxer in a prize fight. Not even Bharat was immediately sure how he had succeeded in ridding us.

For Crossbats Sphing and Tommy R mounted a mid innings fightback, making the most of attacking field settings and some occasional bowling from Dutchy. Tommy timed it quite effectively and was unfortunate to perish stumped with both feet parallel to the crease actually walking with a “Yes, I think that’s out” as Nicholls brandished the digit from square leg. Shping was technically correct in a way that would have pleased JT and struck the ball well and timed it extremely well except in eventually perishing. Wickman thinks it was at this point that Boney took a quite stunning catch at backward point, both feet of the ground, ball plucked a la Collingwood or Jonty Rhodes. A fitting way to go.

Captain Shandy then came in and smote a number of very large boundaries – one directly into the Millennium Wood. Opinion was divided but it was reckoned that if he actually possessed a proper bat and not something held together with Leccy tape and string, he would probably be able to hit it even further. He was lucky to escape two stumping chances off the excellent Leggsy but otherwise enlivened proceedings no end.

Delboy wrapped up the innings persuading Shandy to hole out at long on, a tailender to pop a catch to MC who was not so much at gully as silly gully (think closer than Clarky behind the stumps) and by deceiving the no 11 with a quick arm ball to bowl him if not neck and crop then certainly neck. Anyone who can tell Wickman what neck and crop means will be bought a pint. (Offer limited to one pint, to the first person).

The day passed with due ceremony. Alison was extremely feisty from the scorebox as is tradition – a few years back Wickman recalls her striding purposefully onto the playing area at Ewhurst to contest JT’s addition skills. But JT was not a bank manager for nothing and sent her away corrected and possibly even charged her for the time taken to put her straight. Here she was just annoyed by the recent re-stylings made by vandals to the scorebox and the door to it remained shut long after play before the book was produced – immaculate as always.

A raffle for the hospice at which JT spent his last winter raised a staggering sum. Our thanks go to Joey and Alison for putting the time in to making that a success, to Tom Gleeson for his generous donation of one day tickets against the Aussies (fittingly won by Muriel), to Haymarket Publishing http://www.haymarket.com for the kind donation of subscriptions to a number of fine titles and Shoes At Last of Surbiton for a fabulous voucher…

It will probably also be a long time before another muse for a painter of the stature of Lucien Freud visits the Wick. Wickman is guessing only a very few people will have established the link – and perhaps – if John himself hadn’t pointed to the source of his great pride – the fact would have passed us all by, very quietly and without exciting much comment – just like another of JT’s excellent umpiring performances.

Fantasy cricket - up to week 9

Team news 11th July

HWRCC 1ST XI V'S GODALMING C.C (AWAY)

Meet - 11:00

Start - 13:30

1) Singh 2) Rashid 3) Davies 4) Hibberd 5) Raza 6) Perera 7) Madoc-Jones 8) Holland + 9) Whinny 10) Ewen (c) 11) Tughral

Umpire: TBC Scorer: TBC

HWRCC 2ND XI V'S GODALMING C.C (HOME)

Meet - 12:00 Start - 13:00

1) Cole 2) Goulborn 3) Fudge (c) 4) Jackson 5) Sayce 6) High 7) Soppitt 8) Copeland + 9) Donnelly 10) Shinde 11) Webster

Umpire: Mackie Scorer: TBC

HWRCC 3RD XI V'S CHERTSEY C.C (AWAY)

Meet 11:00 Start 13:00

1) Risman 2) Ewen 3) Lloyd (c) 4) Tughral 5) Madoc-Jones + 6) Cameron 7) McMullan 8) O'Donnell 9) Austin 10) Linter 11) Lown

Umpire: TBC Scorer: TBC

WICK WASH

The Ashes Again

Wickman loves the Ashes. He particularly loves the Ashes when they are in Australia. There's something incredibly evocative about the deep midwinter night starting at 5pm and then having to wait 'til half an hour before the new day to see a gleaming square of green radiate across the sitting room and bathe you in a bright new Australian morning.

The last couple of times out the series haven't started well. Nasser's Brizvegas nightmare and the injury to Simon Jones are just two moments of hell. Freddy F's awful captaincy experience in the last show was just too difficult to bear even for seasoned England watchers like Wickman.

You have to go back to 1987 when Stuart Broad's Dad and some of the England greats of the period like Ravey Davey Gower and Lamby and Iron Bottom took the Aussies apart all series (there was even a spectacular one day victory when, from an impossible position, Lamby won a one day international scoring something like 17 from the final over). A young man in his first job, Wickman was late for work every test morning for two months. He would stay awake until his lids couldn't stay open any longer and wake up again early shocked awake by a wicket or or commentary highlight before moving the portable into the bathroom to watch every moment as he tried to drag himself inot his clothes.

Then, if necessary, a radio would be taken on the train to London to catch the last plays.

It's not the same now. Cardiff Wickman's arse. The Ashes will start with Wickman in a client meeting. The meeting will be full of people that don't understand the butterflies, the history, the legends. He'll position himself so that he can see the news bulletins in the reception telly. They'll be single men in the pub at lunchtime nursing a pint of IPA and eating a beef and horseradish sandwich waiting to catch the first balls of the afternoon session.

Over the season, if England do well, the media support will swell and people who ask you "who's winning" on the first morning will start to come out of the woodwork tellilng you that their favourite batsman is Bishen Bedi and Chris Tavare is their model England player. Hey ho...

2xi vs Old Pauline (a) - Match Report

2xi vs Old Paulines (a)

HWRCC won the toss and bowled
Old Paulines 123 (Powell 4 for, Cole 4 for)
HWRCC win by six wickets (AJ 47*, Cole 44)

Wick triumphs in basement battle

“You don’t win anything with kids” said Alan Hansen and the miserable Scot’s maxim proved correct on Saturday as the Wick 2s dismantled an ironically youthful “Old” Paulines side. Skipper Fudge won the toss again and this week – in a show of naked aggression – chose to bowl to knock over a team that outwardly resembled the chorus from Lionel Bart’s Oliver in Fagin’s den.

The backdrop for this game was the Colet’s health and fitness centre in Thames Ditton. And not very pretty it was too. A breeze block and glass monstrosity that would have Prince Charles foaming at the mouth, it is dropped in 10 acres of scrubland out of which someone has hewn a couple of sports pitches including this excuse for a cricket strip. From one or two angles, if you squint, it can seem pretty but you have to be a) looking away from the “pavilion” and b) be looking towards the one pretty house that backs onto the pitch.

This week’s 2xi contained 10 former 1xi players and to say that we were keen to inflict defeat on someone for a change was an understatement. Everyone on the park had a point of some sort to prove after weekends to forget the week before or being off somewhere else.

Chris Powell, in partnership with Sri Shinda, absolutely TORE in and took two quick wickets to rock Old Paulines back at 9-2 before they’d had a chance to get a look at their very two paced and crummy track. These two wickets included their opener – yorked and the their gun bat out to an athletic caught and bowled that really was a cracker before a gun barrel LBW that removed the urchin that most resembled a tousle haired Oliver with the score limping into the 30s. Sri was unlucky at the other end, beating the bat and hooping it but occasionally straying onto leg stump to be picked off.

Webbo replaced Sri just before drinks and rapidly removed the middle stump of the no 4 who seemed to be trying to clip him over the pavilion / eyesore. He then bowled 11.4 subsequent overs and failed to take another wicket despite beating the bat and inducing a number of unclaimed edges.

By this time it was hotter than a phoenix’s butt hole out there and Powelly, bowling 10 or so straight overs was having to use his noggin. He thought out a nervous looking youngster to reduce OP to 55-5 but try as he might, couldn’t dislodge the cautious OP skipper and had to be replaced by Richard Cole. OP skipper Grant and the impressive (if strangely mulletted) Winterbottom then delayed proceedings by putting on a competent 30 runs before Cole tempted Grant into a rash shot to have him caught by Tommy D at mid-off.

Coley then wove a cunning web of off spin to quickly remove Winterbottom caught well by Golby at third slip and to bowl two very small chaps off various parts of their bodies as the pitch was turning at right angles. There only remained the academic matter of whether Cole would take a five for. Sadly Clarky, who had done all the hard work by sledging some poor innocent incessantly, then dropped a thin edge behind before running the same fellow out a few balls later to deny Cole the satisfaction. Old Cymbals strikes again… Old Paulines had managed 123 which surely would not be enough, even on the awful track they had provided.

Tea was execrable. Look that one up Delboy. Served on some scruffy balcony on a deserted table there were no plates and nothing, nothing that spoke of any passion amongst those that had assembled it. It would have made a gourmand weep like a baby and Mr Kipling would have phoned a solicitor to have his tarts removed from it for fear of being guilty by association.

Worse was to come. On a forlorn side table there were some very small cups and an urn… with warm water in it. Readers – we were expected to make our own cup of tea with luke warm water and tea bags. Inhumane. Indoors there were no tables to sit at either as they were showing the rugby and the place was packed with inebriated locals. If we are generous this tea was disappointing. Stoke D’Ab’s 5 out of 10 looked like a sumptuous banquet in comparison and your scribe gives this a gross four. However it was, after discussion with an unofficial rules committee / lynch mob who were thinking of taking a bar girl hostage, downgraded to a 2 for crimes against the brew. It was enough to put you off your cricket.

It may have put off Golby and Fudgey who both succumbed for not very many to unusual balls from a young left armer. Unusual in that they were pitched up, not aerial wides or banged in in his third of the pitch. This gave some hope to OP, but Coley was in imperious form and simply swatted the bowling away. So dominant was he that he had scored 44 of the side’s 70 runs before getting himself out going for his 50 admittedly to a good return catch off a poor ball. He had been joined by AJ who played himself in watchfully before then rapidly killing off any mild flutters of enthusiasm from the oppo with a damaging display of clean hitting against a young offspinner who really gave it a rip.

And that was that. Guinness was £1.50 a pint but Wickman didn’t stick around to try it as the showers were scalding and the changing room had begun to resemble a Turkish bath. OP look to be in trouble as there is now a big gap opening between them and safety and they will need more than Fagin and Bill Sykes to keep all those youngsters from the poor house of the Fullers League.

Cole MOM for all round demolition. Powelly reserve MOM. TFC shared between Monkeyboy and Clarky. Many, many thanks to Leggsy (in pro umpiring trousers) and Statto Mackie for coming along on the trip and making the day easier on those who were playing.

[Here's the OP team photo before the game, with skipper and pace bowling attack]