3XI match report and other ramblings

HWRCC 3XI Vs Wallington
Risman, Doddy, Crane +, Hirsch, Cameron, Lloyd, Kennedy, Parkes, Nicholls, Taylorson, Laight
HWRCC - 265-8 off 45 overs. Wallington - 150 (odd) all out

Our report this weekend begins on Friday at 4pm when my manager declared that we had had a good week and therefore should be rewarded so off to The Griffin we went for beers and scantily clad lovelies.

On the way… “Cranesy, Im on the way to the pub!”.
“ Really its 4pm…. which one?”.
“Griffin!”…
”I’ll meet you in 5 minutes”.
And from this point onward it went downhill in a big way. Having had a pint, been robbed of a fiver and decided that my secretary was a little uncomfortable with the naked lovelies everywhere, we departed for happy hour at another bar and devoured their stock of chilled Peroni before embarking on the train journey to Wimbledon (via the Golden Arches of course).

After a cheeky redbeer in the Walkabout we cracked on to our bar of choice to meet the rest of the crowd. Jaegerbombs were the drink of choice washed down with ample vodka redbulls.

Next Morning:
Cranesy - “Errr…. What happened last night? I remember nothing from about 11 onwards!.”
Lloydy-“ No idea… I just woke up in my mums spare room grinding my teeth with a dog between my legs” (a Jack Russell terrier for those that were wondering).

So on to the match and having realised that under no circumstances should Cranesy be driving, a quick swig of milskshake was had, everyone piled into Doddy’s truck and we were off to battle the wilderness of Croyden. As we approached Epsom in complete silence it became obvious that not only was the milkshake reacting badly with the RedBull to form chocolate cottage cheese in our stomachs, but Cranesey was asleep at the wheel and hadn’t changed out of third since Surbiton.

A few swigs of water and we were back in the game, though perhaps too much as I was somewhat disturbed to be serenaded to “Nobody does it better”, windows down, volume up whilst driving through Sutton… people have been shot for less round these parts. Builders stopped, babies cried, parents shook fists and I tried to hide in my chair.

The ground was perfect, the strip was a road and the outfield like glass. “There be runs in them there hills” said the old sages, and I was inclined to agree. So I won the toss and after some deliberation (if we can get Ruuunnns they can get Ruuunns was my reasoning) batted first.

Doddy and Rizzo opened against their young bowlers and the former fell LBW for 5 early on to bring Shirley Bassey to the crease still feeling the effects of the demon chocolate milk. Shirley and Rizzo put on a hefty partnership until Cranesy decided to retire himself on 40 by exposing his middle stump. Rizzo cracked on to a comfortable 66 before getting caught at gully. Hirsch played a few nice strokes before falling LBW to a dobbler and the chubby chaser scored some nice runs before being triggered by Shirley LBW to their other dobbler bowler.

Lloydy scored only 1 before playing the wrong ball of 3 that appeared in front of his eyes and having his off stump rattled to bring in Duncan Kennedy and Chairman Mao. Duncs set about their bowlers with distain and rattled up 50 of not a lot. The outfield providing the skipper with the option of 1 or 4 due to its pace, though we benefitted from some inept fielding aswell. At 230 for 6 off 38, I couldn’t declare as it was so early so we cracked on and Duncan finished on 77 having been palmed over the cow boundary for 6 and a 4 in successive balls. Keith played some lovely strokes and finished on 25. I though it best to give Ian and Kirky a bat so declared on 265 with both unbeaten.

Teas - Alfresco style brought a nice refreshing change in the sunny weather and made up for the lack of hot tea (we were warned to be fair). 5

As the wind got up and the sun went hiding we opened with Kirky and Tun-up full of confidence from previous games though Kirky sporting a new war wound following a run in at nets with a ballistic missile. Both struggled with line and length and at one point they were exceeding the run rate. Jimmy C came on and bowled 10 overs of bounce and pace to slow the scoring rate down and was unlucky (ats) to not fill his boots with more than the 2 he got. Tun up removed one of the openers with a rank full toss that he graciously played on to his own stumps, Parkesy bowled some tricky line and length to tie up one end and Cranesy was, to quote their skipper “ very unlucky to have 2 stumpings turned down” off the bowling of Parkes.

Keith replaced Nick and bowled some lovely spin and drift knocking over the number 4’s leg stump and skittling the tail. Hero of the hour Kennedy replaced Jimmy C and took 4 wickets off his 5 overs including the final wicket to bring on the Wickwash and a win by 30 minutes. Back at the wick the 2s were full of Magners and Barry having been on the balcony for a good 3 hours. Duncan arrived bought his jug and went off to try his luck with the ladies and buy a lottery ticket and Parksey did the honourable thing and posed for his duck photo. Perfect.

The evening cracked on as per usual. Tales of fortune and misfortune were regaled and plans for lash were made. Shallow Hal, Delbert and Lloydy went off to secure a table at Barcadia, Cranesy went off to sit on his sofa and the rest of the Wick boys joined us later in Barcadia, positively bouncing off the walls with talk of perfect seasons, promotion, Wickwash and 60 points… and Jimmy C’s latest conquest who was up to his usual demanding standards. Delbert got thrown out, I got stuck in the flooded toilets so missed out on a promise from a girl called Danielle, Fordy was lively and Cranesy was sober.

Moral: Drinking causes you to lose cricketing ability and causes chronic lapses in judgement and control though does give you the ability to fly home without realising and of spontaneously emptying your wallet.