Subs are due

Ah yes it's that time of year, my little friends, when the club asks you to reach deep into your wallets and produce subs. These subs, gentlemen, pay in part for the upkeep of the club, the fixtures, the fittings and for the provision of strips to play on each week.

Your committee has generously frozen subs at last year's rates of £100 adults, £50 unwaged and students. These are due before the end of May. After May the amount goes up by £10. After that we'll send Keith round to your house to scare your Mum. The technical term used by the taxman is distrait. This is where goods and chattels to the value of the amount owed are seized. For some members this will be their Superman duvet cover, an old collection of Shoot magazines circa 1993 and something they made in woodwork. Seize them Keith will. Think of your poor Mum's ticker...

If you are suddenly panicking and thinking ohmigosh I forget to order a new chequebook, fear not as there is now a card machine in the club. Use it... or risk the wrath of... The Chairman.