IPL - cor

So the most eagerly anticipated cricket event since the last day of the Oval in 2005 (slightly biased but hey, who cares) starts today. The cashathon (sorry slogathon) ((sorry future of the game)) that is the IPL kicks off with the usual razzmattazz. Wickman is going to sound like an egg and bacon type here, but why oh why will we need to see some eejits on slits prance about the outfield before the game starts?

Cricket does this stuff so badly. In fact it's almost laughable when cricket has an opening ceremony. There just isn't the money and the necessary vim, vigour and pride. A footer world cup or the Olympics demands months of rehearsals. Half time at the Fruitbowl or whatever its called has even had one of the globe's headline acts flashing her booby bits on live TV. Cricket has blokes on stilts.

The cricket promises to throw up some fantastic statistics. With Mahendra Singh Dhoni on $1.5million we could end the tourney with him earning $100,000 a run or something. And get the sledging opportunities. So, Ricky, how much did you cost bwahahahahahaha. And Shane Warne won't even earn enough to pay his phone bill. It's going to be legendary.

Or is it? Anyone remember the post Ashes World xi game between Flintoff et al and the Aussies? No, neither does Wickman because there was absolutely nothing for the scratch team to play for. They were played off the park, out of whatever state it was played in and right back out of the country because the World xi couldn't motivate themselves beyond checking their online balances at the end of play.

How will coaches motivate teams? Who will carry Ganguly's bags to the bus? Will our old friend John Buchanan be distributing copies of Colin Powell's autobiography or something? Will Dimi Mascarenhas be sending out for a Sunday Roast takeaway after four weeks on the Rubies? Wickman can't wait to find out. A lucky switch away from Sky to Setanta means he might even get to watch a bit. Yayyyyyy Bangolore Bulls or whatever...