When sledging is good for the game

At the end of the Masters Wickman was left feeling slightly deflated. Let's face it no one came up with a credible challenge to Immelman and the only people who were happy would have been his immediate family and anyone who had backed him to hold on at 30-1 at the end of the first day. Wickman is a cautious animal, rarely betting on anything other than cricket. So he wasn't on Immelman at all. Not even one one farthing.

So Wickman was busy uploading stuff to the blog and didn't look at what came on next. Which was a series called Last Man Standing. Now Wickman is no great connoisseur of Wrasslin' or World's Strongest Man so the format - a bunch of oddball blokes from around the world battle it out in various bizarre sports to see who is the Last Man Standing of the title... seemed a bit of that sort of ilk.

So Wickman only started to pay attention when he realised it was an obscure version of cricket to be played between two villages in the South Pacific which the international knobs would be included in. Then Wickman realised that the game was genius. Remember the dicussion earlier this year about sledging being banned by the ICC? Well dear oh dear the match referee in this form of the game would be somewhat busy. Every time someone is caught the entire opposition team gets going on an organised taunting that bears some primal link back to the Haka. So if you've just top edged a pull into the sky and someone plucks it (actually the standard of catching is a bit village - not surprising given that they come from villages Wickman supposes) you then have to endure a couple of minutes of organised in your face tongue poking, jumping about and general jostling. Imagine Harbhajan and Symmo in the middle of that little lot.

Imagine Steve "I always look slightly bemused" Bucknor in the middle of that lot, starched white shirt neatly tucked into his belt while 50 or so (there doesn't seem to be the modern limit on participation) semi naked warriors giving it the Barry. Imagine whatshisface with the bent fingers getting involved and going native and you've got it. I wouldn't fancy Mike Proctor's chances in the aftermath. Handing down fines is going to involve removing a goat or something and if he's going to give someone a three match ban - as they only play once a year - someone wouldn't get a game again until 2012.

Back on the pitch a cultured knob from somewhere in the South of England wafted a couple of smashing sixes over square leg using something that looked like a brightly decorated oar before being commically run out (they operate a running system rather like having a school fag do your running for you). As is often the case a big bloke (who the day before had almost sliced half his toes off with an axe) clagged a series of big sixes in a last wicket stand to win the game. Worth a watch. But fast forward all the non cricket bits. By the way the standard of keeping is phenomenal. If we could fly one of them over...