Yeeeessss. Good evening everyone. It's a freezing cold evening here in Wick Road. The sun is trying to shine out from the box in the corner of the room. The Sky coverage kicks off with some ridiculous operatic music, atmospheric pictures that could have been nicked from Lord of the Rings. Its straight over to the Silver Fox. So far so good. No sign of Bob Willis thank the Lord.
appx 2100. The toss. Tails never fails... unfortunately Mickey V calls heads. He gives good interview but largely Wickman's taking out the message that the deck is a belter. Rather sweetly, Wickman notices that Vaughny's Mum (it must be, surely) has written the initials MPV under the number on his sunhat - probably in unwashable ink in case someone in the dressing room tries to pinch his kit.
2105. First view of David Lloyd and Nasser Hussain since Sri Lanka. Lloyd has been at the dodgy tie cupboard. Nasser looks as though he's been at the hair dye - and whisper it - his hair seems to be making a remarkable surge forwards down his spam. It might just be that he's combing it forward. Either that or he's got a black pen and drawn some on. David Lloyd may well have been at the taninabottle.
2107. Lloyd and Hussain tuck into some well pitched up deliveries from Gower. They stroke Strauss' career through the covers. They turn Bell off their legs for a single to fine leg. Hussain says our boys aren't able to put on 415 for the first wicket. Finally Lloyd heaps the pressure on Ambrose. Gower says "It's a different game, Test Match Cricket". Wickman agrees. Its not the same as Lacrosse, Rugby, Cluedo... and into an ad break...
2116. Willis. Snore. He looks more gaunt than ever. Like Skeletor from He-Man. Wickman was once taking a train into Waterloo. Willizzzzzz got on at somewhere like Raynes Park with a MILF. He was wearing a leather jacket. No word of a lie. He then chewed the MILF's face off. It didn't look like they were married. None of Wickman's business, but if you are a famous sportsman or woman, would you, should you chew the face off anything on public transport? Should you BE on public transport.
2117. Disaster. Mrs Wickman pronounces herself disatisfied that cricket is on during primetime with New Zealand 0-0 from 0.3. Shameless has started on C4. Sky + to the rescue...
Much later
Its lunch. NZ have made 86 for the loss of one wicket. Bell has a lump the size of one of Wickman's lost golf balls on the side of his wrist. Nazzzzzzzer is droning on like a wasp that has smoked weed and sat in the sun for too long. What has happened to Sky's commentary team? Christ. Sir Ian Boretham. Dour (D Ower get it...). Willizzzzzzzzzzzz. And David Lloyd. How many Lancastrians must hate that comedy knob. Wickman cannot believe that the guy used to be England coach. Or maybe (we flippin murdered em) he can.
Match later + 5 mins
How does Ben Dirs do this shit?
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