captain obvious

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Owais and the Winning Spirit

Wickman is contacted by a cricketing expert who reguarly travels to the subcontinent. It is a little known fact that Owais Shah writes for the Times Of India. This, you can be assured, is a new one on Wickman. When, you might think, does Mr Shah get the time? And, with all the sub-continental talent on offer, why in heaven's name do they need Owais?

No matter. Shah is clearly a genius in the mould of Arthur. Commenting on last week's seminal win at Durham against the finest one day team ever to play the game he says:

It was nice winning the final ODI against Australia after losing the first six games. Now the real challenge for us is to keep up the momentum. We are in the right frame of mind for the Champions Trophy and the win will help our cause immensely. We need to maintain the spirit of winning and the result will take care of itself.

Let's have a quick look at this shall we? First of all it was "nice". Nice? Tea is nice. Beating Australia in a one day international? Surely you should be using a swear word, even in the Times of India? Perhaps not. Perhaps it was TOTALLY AWESOME. Or A MASSIVE RELIEF. OR SLIGHTLY EMBARRASSING AFTER GETTING HAMMERED. Nice.

Now we come to momentum. Momentum is an expression of impetus. Force times speed or something like that. So exactly how much momentum do you pick up from winning one game after a six game losing streak. I'm guessing we've taken the old handbrake off and are beginning to move down the hill. We haven't even turned the key to start the engine. We're the Luca Badoer of the cricket world.

Apparently Owais and the boys are in the right frame of mind for the Champions Trophy. Mmmmm let's think about that shall we? The right frame of mind after losing four wickets in 14 balls chasing not very many against a mediocre bowling attack. Suuurrre you are. Owais old fella. You might not even get a game because your fielding is only just better than your running between the wickets. I'm guessing when you look in the mirror on match day you are practising exactly how you will look carrying the drinks tray.

Finally they need to maintain the spirit of winning. What is the spirit of winning? Rum? Vodka? In which case they need a good barman. As long as they look after it the result will take care of itself. Oh yes. As long as you have the winning spirit you don't even have to turn up and play. Maybe that's been the mistake this series. The boys had bathed in the winning spirit during the Ashes like Obelix falling into the magic potion as a baby and thought all they had to do was turn up...

[Here is Owais picking up the cash for his latest Times of India column - Ed]

Mickey Arthur - Coaching Genius

One day in to our STBO campaign, Mickey Arthur has come out with an absolute humdinger.

Over at cricinfo, Firdose Moonda has asked whether cricket's perennial nearly men, the Jaapies, will win the tourney.

Moonda, no fool, has identified that South Africa are at home in this tournament. And this is not wasted on Arthur either. Nosiree.

"We are extremely comfortable with the two venues the tournament will be played at (Supersport Park, Centurion and The Wanderers, Johannesburg)," said Arthur. "We've had some good results at both stadiums in the past and we receive lots of local support there as well."

Let's look into this shall we? First: they are extremely comfortable with the venues. No. Really? You don't say. Is he hinting that if they had picked, let's say, Lords or the MCG there might be slightly less of an advantage? He continues mentioning that they have had some good results there. You'd hope so. Given they will have played more games there than any other side and, Wickman's guessing, some of the players may even play for clubs that use these grounds they would have, from time to time, scraped a couple of wins. Finally, and this is where Arthur is simply head and shoulders above his coaching rivals, he identifies that they receive "lots of local support there as well".

Wickman is in awe - AWE of his intellect. This makes Buchanan's use of Sun Tzu pale into insignificance and Fletcher's Forward Press look like just another trigger movement.

[Here's Mickey about to deliver a strategic gem - Ed]

Ashes turned to Booze cruise?

Andrew Flintoff's "update" to his autobiography has left Wickman Junior in a state of bemusement. Firstly, just going off the bit for a sec...Wickman Junior loves the fact that sports people (usually) can just add to their autobiographies as they go along. That David Beckham has about six means that we can probably expect more from Freddie in future. I can see him now penning chapters about his time for the New South Wales Blues one-day side, appearing in the Hong Kong Super 8s, and about how difficult it was to tell his kids about the "corridor of uncertainty"....but I digress.

Speaking about the 2006-07 Ashes tour, Flintoff said: "I found myself questioning my own ability and I was questioning the team", and also, "It didn't matter we were losing heavily, it didn't matter that the team seemed to be breaking into factions and it didn't matter that I was finding it hard to hold them together."

Wickman Junior is wondering what sort of questions Freddie was asking the team, but surely one of the questions he must have asked was: "boys, why aren't we winning? or why are we playing badly? Unlike Flintoff, Wickman Junior doesn't see these questions as bad, which he seems to be implying. But rather, surely if a team is losing, it is only right to ask why, and to "question" the team? But then it gets even more confusing. Freddie says that "it didn't matter that we were losing heavily". Hang on. So the questions weren't probably even related to how the team was performing? This is bizarre indeed. So just what was he asking? "Where can I get a good burger?" Wickman Junior is unsure, but clearly whatever it was confused the team.

Secondly, this "factions" business seems to be rearing its head again. Wickman Junior doesn't understand this. Was there a left-handed faction? A select band of guys who didn't drink? Maybe people who liked wearing high pants? If this was the case, it's not surprising Freddie was finding it difficult to hold the players together. Perhaps they should have been focusing on cricket, and that, SURELY, has to come from the top. Maybe if Freddie had questionned his team a little more, the factions would surely have come together....

More questions than answers....but let's look forward to the next installment

(attached picture: prizes given to who can guess which faction KP is in) Wickman Junior

Stating the Bleedin' Obvious

Wickman and Wickman Junior from time to time put aside the cares and worries of everyday industry and discuss the beautiful game during working hours. Recently talk has turned to the platitidinous (here's a handy link Delboy) nature of many cricket related interviews.

With pages to cover and interview slots to fill, the modern cricketer needs to work hard on his or her pre and post match game. Obviously this duty falls particularly hard on the skipper of any xi and they are bound to be caught out in this form of the game more often than other players. Cooky though is vulnerable to the pre-match good lenghth (500 word) interview in the Metro and Colly can make his batting in the real form of the game look like a Yuvraj whirlwind in comparison to him grinding out a post match broadcast slot.

To give them something to do during the long winter ahead W and WJr will bring to you the best of these bon mots - starting with a perfect example from the England captain which sums up the struggle. Commenting on the recent 1-6 win against the Australians and previewing our chances in the ICC Trophy Captain Fantastic said: "We need to be honest and not settle for mediocrity".

Wickman was disturbed by this. There's no doubt some of England's one day cricket in this most recent series has been mediocre. Boy has it been mediocre. But who has been settling for it? The Coach? James Anderson? Owais Shah? That the England team now needs to be honest and stop settling for it is very unsettling indeed.

Wickman particularly likes this piece of utter banality because it is, in itself, a completely mediocre comment too. So it's the perfect start to our Winter campaign. Feel free to email with your favourites...

Name the One Day Squad

When we aren't playing league cricket (Sunday and Wednesday) what should we be called? There are moves afoot to consider entering a special one day league next year (find out more at the AGM) and we might, perhaps, go all 2010 and have coloured kit. Nice.

So what should we be called? We can hardly go out as The Hamptons (unfortunate rhyming slang connotations). The Royals? The Stags? The Basils? Leave your views here...

[It was recently suggested that we were a "cockney" team by an oppo - so maybe here's an idea for our strip - Ed]

No more excuses for One Day debacle

Wickman was amused to hear Andrew Strauss has finally not offering any excuses for the execrable performances in this one day series.

Wickman has always been a big fan of inventive excuses. The Dog ate my homework was always a favourite alongside the classic "food poisoning" which always mysteriously clears up so that a returning employee can be on the beers on a Wednesday evening.

Wickman has noticed that the unfairer sex have advantages in the illness excuse making game. If a young lady texts in and says she's a little bit Tom and Dick and can't come in today you can GUARANTEE that the following day she will turn up looking like the Bride of Dracula or Lilleth from Frasier because she will deliberately not wear make up. So wan, so sickly does this make her look that you are fooled into thinking she's had a brain embolism and has staggered in off her death bed just to make your business profitable. The reality is she's probably been sporting enough war paint to cover a Native American tribe for months just so that when she pulls this sickie it looks effective.

It's hardly as if Andrew Strauss can turn up to the last game of the one day series without his make up on. Or rather if he does we will know that he's preparing to take a sickie somewhere down the line. And frankly what excuses has he got? The two best one day players in the country are injured?

It seems to Wickman that the selectors are in a terrible mess here and if Straussy needs an excuse he should blame the selectors. They seem to have got in a mess with the 50 over stuff because they aren't sure of the Test side and 2020 has turned their heads. Since when is Matt Prior an international No4? Forgive Wickman but surely you would want someone in that position (and number 3) who you thought was more likely than anyone else in the team to able to score a one day ton? Where did all the Test players go? Why is Trotty a test player, but not a 50 overs man? Why when every successful one day side has an explosive opener at the top of the order do we have pedestrians?

Wickman thinks its time to go back to first principles. Pick your best 12 cricketers and leave one out depending on the conditions. If you have a truly slow Boycottesque test opener perhaps leave them to get on with something else but otherwise? Pick a proper cricketer every time in this form of the game.

Club dinner - NEW DATE

The club dinner will now be held on Saturday 5th December from 7pm. Tickets will be available from club captains and Dom.

Drinks Reception

3 course Dinner

End of season awards

Music from the Wick's own "Let's get Science"

Silent Auction

SUPPORT YOUR CLUB!

Quiz night and colts v coaches match

Saturday 5th September

Please join us for the annual colts and club vs coaches match. This will be a great family event, with the dads trying to prove they still have it, and the sons proving that youth can prevail over experience.

Following this starting at 7.30pm will be the annual quiz night hosted by messieurs Clark and Hibberd. Entry will be £10 a head with teams of 6 people and food/drink will be provided. This has been the best social of the year over the past few seasons so please make every effort to get down. It is also the last game of the season with the 2's playing away, so will be a great end to the season.

for further details please speak to Dom/Nick and let us know numbers/teams. We will be appointing team captains over the next 2 weeks as well.

fantasy cricket up to end of week 14

Missing stats from one 1st team game...

JT Raffle Raises £700+

A big thank you again to Joey and Alison for their hard work in putting together the raffle for the JT Memorial Game. And a big thank you to everyone for their generosity in buying so many tickets. The raffle raised £700 which means that almost everyone there must have spent a considerable amount.

We name checked the sponsors in an earlier post on the subject, but for all your phone needs do see Marc Holland and think of o2 as the Wick's favourite network provider, think Haymarket publishing for all your magazine needs (they do a lovely subscription for all those difficult birthdays and Christmasses) and if you live near Surbiton and require footwear then are your people.

Makes you feel good...

Match Report - 2xi vs Cranleigh cc

HWRCC 2xi vs Cranleigh 2xi
HWRCC 214 all out. Wright 97*
Cranleigh 48 for 0
Abandoned

Wrong Result for Wright

Not often you get a match report for an abandoned game. We bat. We have tea. They bat a bit. It rains. We mope around in the dressing room. They want to play on because they think they can get a winning draw. We don’t want to because the ball is wetter than a spider crab’s speedos. Everyone gets a bit annoyed. We have a few beers. Er… that’s it.

This abandoned game is worth a few words if only to recognise Wrighty’s one man Wick rescue mission – which – had he not completed it – might have seen us bowled out early enough for us to have leaked an embarrassing win to the team just below us. We aren’t completely out of the woods yet this season and it was important not to concede a silly loss.

The day was always likely to end in rain. The BBC said 5pm was a good indicator of when the heavens would open. Wrighty was patiently explaining that an unbroken front was coming in from the West and that once it started, that would be it for the day. AJ too was well informed about atmospheric conditions and gave a long lecture on the difference between rain and showers. In the event losing the toss was always going to result in us batting as the only chance to create a result would have been to skittle and then to knock ‘em off.

Cranleigh though had not brought the most threatening attack with them. A young team – Wickman thinks 3 over the age of majority, the rest teens – they bowled well with the new ball but there was no real threat to life and limb, only nagging lines. These did for most of the top order though. Sort of tied down by the good ones, Nathan, Clarky, Del and Fudgey all perished going after loose ones and full tosses. Very odd batting performance all in all. AJ, his thoughts on warm fronts coming in from the East, looked imperious but fell for the lobbed up sucker ball from their offspinner. We didn’t have very many by drinks and we didn’t have much more batting to come.

Up the other end, quite serenely, Wrigthy was scoring runs. No big shots, just working it around, looking unflustered and picking the gaps. Del and Paddy kept him company – Paddy hitting the sweetest of sixes back over the offy’s head. With perhaps the main danger averted, Tommy D and Wrighty went into all out attack mode and Wrighty discovered that some of the younger Cranliegh fielders couldn’t catch swine flu at a pig farm. He benefitted from at least two drops and a couple of youngsters running away from catchable chances. When Tommy and Powelly perished in relatively quick succession Wrighty was left with Junaid as partner and three runs needed for his ton.

Sadly Clarky then triggered Junaid to leaver Wrighty stranded. Well, when Wickman says triggered, what he means is Clarky gave Junaid out LBW. He’d just had a reassuring conversation with Wrighty saying that his digit of death was going to say in his pocket. But the best of the Cranliegh youngsters bowled a fast, straight, Yorker that hit Junaid on the foot bang in front of middle. Clarky tells me the following things went through his head. “Oh shit no, that’s out! Hell’s teeth. Are there any reasons not to give it? Wasn’t no ball. Can see off stump and leg stump but not middle. Damn. Bat behind pad. Damn. Full toss. Going straight on. Will hit middle stump. More chance of going under the stumps than over them. Damn. Junaid looking as guilty as a puppy next to a pile of poo and still standing there plumb in front. Damn. Can’t bring self to cheat. Gotta give it.” And so ended the innings with Wrighty marooned.

Tea was stupendous. No, seriously. All of Dave’s best bits on display at the same time. Mustard too. And pickle – the thick black treacley kind. Niiiice. Clarky filled his boots and when his boots were filled he filled his gloves too. 8.5.

One of their openers (the one that wasn’t the size of an oompa loompa) decided to get after the bowling as the weather was not going to get any better. He threw the bat a bit and scored a number of runs through third man, mostly off the unlucky Fudge who treated us to an opening spell of some hostility and skill. The rains then came and we were off.

It’s interesting what people talk about in rain breaks. Mostly in our dressing room attempts were made to wind up Clarky for robbing Wrighty of his well deserved ton and thoughts turned to club day. On the opposition bench the youngsters discussed getting drunk and getting into the knickers of loosely moralled young ladies of their acquaintance. Which it was pretty clear none of them had done. They all jumped on top of each other and ruffled each other’s hair in a matey way. Nice.

We had another go at getting the game on but it rained again. While it did eventually stop raining, It was clear that our bowlers would be unable to stand up or grip the ball until the ground had dried out - so after a while, when it became clear that it would not become clear, everyone shook hands and there was no result.

MOM Wrighty.