Owais and the Winning Spirit

Wickman is contacted by a cricketing expert who reguarly travels to the subcontinent. It is a little known fact that Owais Shah writes for the Times Of India. This, you can be assured, is a new one on Wickman. When, you might think, does Mr Shah get the time? And, with all the sub-continental talent on offer, why in heaven's name do they need Owais?

No matter. Shah is clearly a genius in the mould of Arthur. Commenting on last week's seminal win at Durham against the finest one day team ever to play the game he says:

It was nice winning the final ODI against Australia after losing the first six games. Now the real challenge for us is to keep up the momentum. We are in the right frame of mind for the Champions Trophy and the win will help our cause immensely. We need to maintain the spirit of winning and the result will take care of itself.

Let's have a quick look at this shall we? First of all it was "nice". Nice? Tea is nice. Beating Australia in a one day international? Surely you should be using a swear word, even in the Times of India? Perhaps not. Perhaps it was TOTALLY AWESOME. Or A MASSIVE RELIEF. OR SLIGHTLY EMBARRASSING AFTER GETTING HAMMERED. Nice.

Now we come to momentum. Momentum is an expression of impetus. Force times speed or something like that. So exactly how much momentum do you pick up from winning one game after a six game losing streak. I'm guessing we've taken the old handbrake off and are beginning to move down the hill. We haven't even turned the key to start the engine. We're the Luca Badoer of the cricket world.

Apparently Owais and the boys are in the right frame of mind for the Champions Trophy. Mmmmm let's think about that shall we? The right frame of mind after losing four wickets in 14 balls chasing not very many against a mediocre bowling attack. Suuurrre you are. Owais old fella. You might not even get a game because your fielding is only just better than your running between the wickets. I'm guessing when you look in the mirror on match day you are practising exactly how you will look carrying the drinks tray.

Finally they need to maintain the spirit of winning. What is the spirit of winning? Rum? Vodka? In which case they need a good barman. As long as they look after it the result will take care of itself. Oh yes. As long as you have the winning spirit you don't even have to turn up and play. Maybe that's been the mistake this series. The boys had bathed in the winning spirit during the Ashes like Obelix falling into the magic potion as a baby and thought all they had to do was turn up...

[Here is Owais picking up the cash for his latest Times of India column - Ed]