2xi vs Old Pauline (a) - Match Report

2xi vs Old Paulines (a)

HWRCC won the toss and bowled
Old Paulines 123 (Powell 4 for, Cole 4 for)
HWRCC win by six wickets (AJ 47*, Cole 44)

Wick triumphs in basement battle

“You don’t win anything with kids” said Alan Hansen and the miserable Scot’s maxim proved correct on Saturday as the Wick 2s dismantled an ironically youthful “Old” Paulines side. Skipper Fudge won the toss again and this week – in a show of naked aggression – chose to bowl to knock over a team that outwardly resembled the chorus from Lionel Bart’s Oliver in Fagin’s den.

The backdrop for this game was the Colet’s health and fitness centre in Thames Ditton. And not very pretty it was too. A breeze block and glass monstrosity that would have Prince Charles foaming at the mouth, it is dropped in 10 acres of scrubland out of which someone has hewn a couple of sports pitches including this excuse for a cricket strip. From one or two angles, if you squint, it can seem pretty but you have to be a) looking away from the “pavilion” and b) be looking towards the one pretty house that backs onto the pitch.

This week’s 2xi contained 10 former 1xi players and to say that we were keen to inflict defeat on someone for a change was an understatement. Everyone on the park had a point of some sort to prove after weekends to forget the week before or being off somewhere else.

Chris Powell, in partnership with Sri Shinda, absolutely TORE in and took two quick wickets to rock Old Paulines back at 9-2 before they’d had a chance to get a look at their very two paced and crummy track. These two wickets included their opener – yorked and the their gun bat out to an athletic caught and bowled that really was a cracker before a gun barrel LBW that removed the urchin that most resembled a tousle haired Oliver with the score limping into the 30s. Sri was unlucky at the other end, beating the bat and hooping it but occasionally straying onto leg stump to be picked off.

Webbo replaced Sri just before drinks and rapidly removed the middle stump of the no 4 who seemed to be trying to clip him over the pavilion / eyesore. He then bowled 11.4 subsequent overs and failed to take another wicket despite beating the bat and inducing a number of unclaimed edges.

By this time it was hotter than a phoenix’s butt hole out there and Powelly, bowling 10 or so straight overs was having to use his noggin. He thought out a nervous looking youngster to reduce OP to 55-5 but try as he might, couldn’t dislodge the cautious OP skipper and had to be replaced by Richard Cole. OP skipper Grant and the impressive (if strangely mulletted) Winterbottom then delayed proceedings by putting on a competent 30 runs before Cole tempted Grant into a rash shot to have him caught by Tommy D at mid-off.

Coley then wove a cunning web of off spin to quickly remove Winterbottom caught well by Golby at third slip and to bowl two very small chaps off various parts of their bodies as the pitch was turning at right angles. There only remained the academic matter of whether Cole would take a five for. Sadly Clarky, who had done all the hard work by sledging some poor innocent incessantly, then dropped a thin edge behind before running the same fellow out a few balls later to deny Cole the satisfaction. Old Cymbals strikes again… Old Paulines had managed 123 which surely would not be enough, even on the awful track they had provided.

Tea was execrable. Look that one up Delboy. Served on some scruffy balcony on a deserted table there were no plates and nothing, nothing that spoke of any passion amongst those that had assembled it. It would have made a gourmand weep like a baby and Mr Kipling would have phoned a solicitor to have his tarts removed from it for fear of being guilty by association.

Worse was to come. On a forlorn side table there were some very small cups and an urn… with warm water in it. Readers – we were expected to make our own cup of tea with luke warm water and tea bags. Inhumane. Indoors there were no tables to sit at either as they were showing the rugby and the place was packed with inebriated locals. If we are generous this tea was disappointing. Stoke D’Ab’s 5 out of 10 looked like a sumptuous banquet in comparison and your scribe gives this a gross four. However it was, after discussion with an unofficial rules committee / lynch mob who were thinking of taking a bar girl hostage, downgraded to a 2 for crimes against the brew. It was enough to put you off your cricket.

It may have put off Golby and Fudgey who both succumbed for not very many to unusual balls from a young left armer. Unusual in that they were pitched up, not aerial wides or banged in in his third of the pitch. This gave some hope to OP, but Coley was in imperious form and simply swatted the bowling away. So dominant was he that he had scored 44 of the side’s 70 runs before getting himself out going for his 50 admittedly to a good return catch off a poor ball. He had been joined by AJ who played himself in watchfully before then rapidly killing off any mild flutters of enthusiasm from the oppo with a damaging display of clean hitting against a young offspinner who really gave it a rip.

And that was that. Guinness was £1.50 a pint but Wickman didn’t stick around to try it as the showers were scalding and the changing room had begun to resemble a Turkish bath. OP look to be in trouble as there is now a big gap opening between them and safety and they will need more than Fagin and Bill Sykes to keep all those youngsters from the poor house of the Fullers League.

Cole MOM for all round demolition. Powelly reserve MOM. TFC shared between Monkeyboy and Clarky. Many, many thanks to Leggsy (in pro umpiring trousers) and Statto Mackie for coming along on the trip and making the day easier on those who were playing.

[Here's the OP team photo before the game, with skipper and pace bowling attack]