First Ever Match Report... June 9th 1863

Even the first ever match report mentions tea. Nothing changes.

150th Birthday Party - June 9th

Hampton Wick Royal Cricket Club will celebrate the 150th anniversary of its first ever game on Sunday June 9th, 2013 by replaying it in Victorian dress.

The club will also celebrate by putting on a fair for local residents at its Bushy Park main ground, off Bushy Park road, Hampton Wick.

Club Chairman Keith Nicholls and 1st XI captain Graeme Tong will lead two teams – Gentlemen and Players - to replay the opening game in Victorian dress and to Victorian rules set in 1835.

The match will start at 2pm alongside a range of entertainment for members of the public – particularly families - including bouncy castle, face painting, children’s entertainer, cake decorating, coconut shy, egg throwing competition, croquet and confectionary stall. There will be a fancy dress competition with a Victorian theme.

The Club bar will be open, there will additionally be a Pimms stall and BBQ food available throughout the day.

Club Chairman Keith Nicholls said of the day:

“The people of Hampton Wick created this cricket club in 1863 and bar the 1st world war years the club has continued to be a vital part of the sporting life of the village ever since. We want to welcome local residents to the club on June 9th to celebrate the anniversary and to enjoy a day in our fantastic park. We’re keeping our fingers crossed for good weather – 150 years ago 217 runs were scored and the Chairman’s side lost – I’m looking to put that right this time around, although some of my team members are almost old enough to have played the original fixture”.

The Club received its “Royal” name from the involvement of an early patron, His Serene Highness the Prince of Teck, a relative of Queen Victoria. The club was formally established at a meeting on May 13th1863.

HWRCC is a thriving club with more than 100 playing members and 150 Colts members, running four Saturday cricket teams in the Surrey Championship. Its 1st XI currently tops Division 5 and its 4th XI tops the West Division.

When Commentators Have Nothing To Write About

Wickman never goes anywhere without both...

There was so much chuntering in the commentary boxes of Headingly on Sunday night, throughout Monday and on through Tuesday that you would have thought that England had lost this mini-series against New Zealand.


Instead they have won it in some style in the end. The commentating fraternity had very little to do from Sunday evening onwards because Captain Cook had batted New Zeland out of the game and the series. England were 250 ahead with 9 wickets in hand, rain on the way and almost no chance they could find a way to lose against a visiting side that was fast slipping into depression.

Which meant they had to find something to write and talk about. So the debate turned not to whether or not England would win… but how they should do it. And then everyone got very exercised.

There were three basic opinions. Opinion 1 – mostly favoured by the blood and thunder merchants – was to make New Zealand follow on and grovel. Very tabloid. Very red top. Smash ‘em. Opinion 2 – bat on a bit – set the oppo about 350 because, frankly, they’ll never get ‘em. And there’s rain about. Very broadsheet... Guardian / Observer thoughtful. Opinion 3 is grind them into the dust, making the game and the series safe before making any other consideration. Stuff the critics. Stuff the public. We've a job to do and we don't need to win the game to do it.

No one liked opinion 3 apart from the England team and management. And some former captains who know the drill. And so they did bat on and on until the chance of an NZ victory was completely extinguished. The professional, belt, braces and another belt way to do things.

So the last 60 hours has been spent on this debate with everyone having their two pennies worth. Largely there were two sub camps: Camp one followers believe that England should kill NZ every time they play them. Camp two followers think England should play like kings. Be ruthless and less... er... English. And everyone has missed the point in Wickman’s not so humble view.

Back in the day – let’s say 1987 onwards – England were rubbish. They were rubbish for the best part of 18 years. Couldn’t beat anyone away and only occasionally beat teams at home. They improved enough to win the Ashes in 2005 and a couple of other series before collapsing again until 2009.

They’re now pretty good again following their fight back and win against the Indians. Although in the last 12 months they have lost a lot of tests and a couple of series – Pakistan have seriously tucked them up and South Africa annihilated them to the point where the team shattered and the captain resigned. Early this year we almost lost a series to New Zealand on some of the flattest pitches you are likely to see in Test cricket. Our second best batsman is injured. Our best bowler has been out for months and has only just returned. Our best batsman hadn’t had a good knock in a couple of months. We’ve got a couple of teenagers in the middle order (near enough) and an opening batsman that no one likes because he doesn’t smash it.

England is a good side – but it’s not good enough yet to start taking liberties. Not even against the Kiwis.  It has a strong professional management team that is innovating hard and making sure that no stone is left unturned. Flower is probably the best head coach in world cricket and in time will be studied by coaches from other sports you'd think. Flower (with the backing of the ECB) has instilled clarity of objectives. We want to win. We want to be the best team in World cricket. But Wickman's not sure he heard anyone say "we want to play like the Gods of yesteryear and brush everyone aside". Mores the pity. But it's not an objective that's been set, yet.

And Wickman is guessing that’s what motivated the safety first approach from Sunday onwards. Dominate the game. Check. Make the series safe. Check. Try and win the game. Check. Do the professional thing.

Wickman is happy enough with that. He wants to see England win, first and foremost. Perhaps the commentators have got different objectives…

Just Such a Perfect Day - Match Report by G Smith The Elder

Charlton did not fancy his chances of making it across no man's land

Match Report - Bushy Park League
Hampton Hill 183 for 7
Hampton Wick Royal 184 for 2

“It’s such a perfect day, I’m glad I spent it with you.” Lou Reed

You need several things to come together to form the perfect cricketing day:

All day sun in a cloudless sky with perhaps the occasional slight zephyr to cool down the bowlers - Check
Good quality team who are out to enjoy themselves and up for a bit of banter – Check
Friendly Oppo who want to win but play it in the right spirit - Check
High Quality tea including mini doughnuts and perfectly quartered sandwiches with crusts sliced off - Check (ish)
Post match balcony beer from a Wick Player’s hundred jug watching the sun go down and the deer strolling across the ground - Check
A sober Chedward – I’m afraid not, but 5 out of 6 ain’t too bad

This summed up the opening Bushy Park League game of 2013 but on the night before the game, things were not looking so rosy. The usual struggle with numbers meant that we were only 10 men and about to lose another as a worried 1st team skipper attempted to withdraw the services of the great Nomaan after his vital but tiring ton against Dorking. But Nomaan is not one to let the side down and he insisted on participating to the obvious horror of Tong G. The conversation between 1st team skipper and Sunday skipper went like this:

Tong: “ Look Smith, you long streak of p***, I don’t want Nomaan to play but if he must, then you can’t bowl him”
Smith: “Absolutely sir, I’ll just give him a bat then.”
Tong: “No, no, no, you lanky muppet , you can’t bat him higher than 11.”
Smith: “ Right you are, sir, I’ll just let him graze at mid wicket”
Tong: “ No, no, no you great sack of manure, he has to be at slip the whole day and then given a rub down afterwards.”
Smith: “But sir, what if I bring on Charlie High to bowl, surely I can then put him on the boundary like the rest of the team?”
Tong: “You ancient buffoon, Smith, can you really envisage an occasion when Charlie would need to bowl in a match?”
Smith: “Fair point, your highness.”

So we took to the field the following morning with Nomaan in an advisory capacity and the youngest member of the McMullen production line, Jonny, drafted in to make up the eleven – after some serious negotiations concerning exam revision ( In short, I’m in for £500 to bung the Edexcel Latin Exam marker, 500 quid pro quo I suppose).

The sun shone with real warmth on the Wick team for the first time this year allowing Smith to happily consign his thermal long johns to the kit cupboard. The team then took the appropriate positions with Nomaan firmly ensconced at 1st slip form where he began to dispensed a constant stream of encouragement and advice to the bowlers, this ranged from the catchy: “keep going Jack” to the memorable “keep going Ian” with the odd “keep going Graham” thrown in for a bit of variation.

The two Smiths opened up and bowled a disciplined line for their allotted overs, with Smith J the meaner of the two, going for just 15 off his 8 overs. Smith G plodded in gamely and managed to get the opener to feather one behind to the young Stan Kearney making his Sunday debut behind the stumps – nicely pouched.

Taking over from the Smith father son combo, the McMullan father son combo proved equally adept. Old man McMullan called on all his thespian powers to give the clever impression that he could bowl a bit as indeed he could, despite taking the odd spot of verbal abuse from his nurturing skipper. The highlight of his spell saw Tim skip to the wicket whilst quoting Macbeth; this clearly unsettled the Hampton Hill bat who launched the ball high into the azure sky. As the ball continued its path to the heavens, square leg shuffled nervously and pretended he lost the ball in the sun, mid wicket suffered an untimely but temporary hamstring spasm which left a young and steely eyed Jack Smith alone under the ball which had by now begun its re-entry from the stratosphere.

It was a magnificent catch, for which McMullan still owes Smith J a shandy or two.

At the other end, Jonny McMullan marked his Sunday debut with a truly impressive spell of seam bowling at a brisk pace that would have made his brother proud and was unlucky not to pick up a wicket in his spell. I for one will never forget one particular delivery, the intense look on Jonny’s face as he began his 3rd over, steaming in with purpose, with vigour but with his cap still on.

The pressure on the Hampton Hill batsman was kept up with the introduction of Alex Wright making his first appearance of the year. A solid and impressive spell with a couple of wickets as just reward for a man well on his way to regaining his pre childbirth figure.

To tempt the oppo into some reckless shots, Ian Tong was summoned to show his leg spinning prowess, which he duly did with considerable skill. Two cracking deliveries in particular caught the eye: a sharp turner that pitched leg and hit the top of off stump and a similar one that took the edge and landed in the hands of Nomaan at, guess where?, yes, at 1st slip. With Ian Tong in the side you feel like you have 3 cricketers for the price of one, which is handy if his brother tries to take out half your team.

The pitch was a 220 pitch and at about 165 for 7 we had control but perhaps we needed to open up the game to ensure full advantage was made of the warming sun. But how?

So it came to pass that Charlie High bravely took the ball and produced an over that had several consequences:

Firstly, the 15 runs that emanated from the over helped Hampton Hill post a total that allowed Robbie Oliver to make his magnificent ton

Secondly, as the fielders returned shellshocked from various parts of the boundary and beyond, happy that they had survived the kind of carnage not seen since the 1st day of the Somme, they were able to look each other in the eye and instantly know that a strong bond had been formed.

PS the inaugural survivors meeting will take place on Sunday week at the Wick.

Thirdly Charlie now has a greater respect for his bowling compatriots.

Tea was taken by all but with particular vigour by Nomaan who piled his plate whilst encouraging DBW to “keep going, keep going”.

Ed Charlton and Robbie Oliver strode out to open up for the Wick and set about the bowling with alacrity and in no time had 50 on the board. The pitch was a belter, such a belter in fact that Charlton looked unphased throughout his innings and looked set for a big score, double figures even. This he achieved but on 21 his time came.

Robbie, keen to move from 49 to 50, stroked one to an extra cover who was back on his heels. Forgetting that his partner was pining for Charles and clearly not fully concentrating, Oliver called for a sharp one. Charlton responded in the manner of a brave Tommy returning to his trench across a sodden and muddy no man’s land. He was dead before he hit the ground.

No doubt chastened by the experience, Oliver went on to play in a manner that had his team mates in raptures and the oppo fielders applauding. I don’t recall a single chance and the ball was kept on the deck virtually throughout this tremendous innings. Ian Tong and later, Charlie High, contributed well with the bat and helped guide Robbie to what I believe to be his first senior ton and what I am certain to be just a taste of things to come.

With over 830 runs over the weekend the pitch is shaping up nicely and those who have played this year on Saturdays and Sundays, especially Charlie, have benefited from the extra batting. There is nothing better than time in the middle.

So the game ended; played in a great spirit by two sides happy to be out on such a day. Jugs were bought , beers were drunk and stories swapped. The sun began to slip into the horizon and the Wick displayed all its bucolic charm that sunny Sunday evening, a charm that was then enhanced by the surreal appearance of Charles Edmonds returning tired and emotional after a day at Twickers where he thinks he was meant to be working but couldn’t quite be sure.

Such a perfect day.

The Peril of Uncovered Pitches

What the oppo skipper saw when he chose to bat... (A green pudding... keep up... Ed)

Wick 4xi vs Thames Ditton - Scorecard

Thames Ditton 37 - Linter 4-8

HWRCC 40-0 - Clark 31*

Winning the toss and batting first on a drying Kingsfield is a recipe for disaster. And so the Thames Ditton skipper discovered on Saturday as, after 72 hours of rain, he won the toss and decided to commit hari kiri (sorry bat) against a tasty Wick 4xi bowling line up of King, Linter, Lown, McMullen (J), Rob Swaine and Curtis S Tigers.

If the wicket had been sodden and he was hoping to take advantage of a wet ball and nail us later as the track dried we'd have applauded him. As it was we simply marvelled. There could be no worse time to bat on a drying wicket that was legal... But barely. This is what commentators are talking about when they remember uncovered wickets.

And his compatriots were mown down on it like so many honest Tommies on the Somme. The ball reared from a length. When it wasn't scuttling from short of a length. It popped and hissed. It seamed like a lively pair of Armani denims. Great chunks and divots were gouged out as the ball pitched. Behind the stumps we opined that we were pleased to be 30+ yards away from the ball. And we thought that 100 might be difficult to chase with conditions as they were and the outfield of a municipal length.

The beneficiaries of TD's largesse were Olly and Skiplinter. In 14 overs they destroyed TD reducing them to six down with hardly a run on the board and no sense of where one might come from. Caught they were. And bowled. Sometimes they were caught and bowled. Jonny McMullen took a stunning catch at fourth slip over his head stretching. Clarky took one behind the sticks over his gut stretching. Kurt picked one off his toes at square leg. Splints took another. It was mayhem.

The bowling was rotated for variety. Jonny bowled some big induckers and should have had a plumb lbw decision but was horribly denied. Lownsy reprised his Malinga variations to great effect - in one over perfectly zipping three balls across a right handed before curling one back to splatter the off stump through the gate. Kurt Leight - like Kirk Laight in all but name - removed the final two bats with left armers up the hill. Rob Swaine re-debuted and managed to bowl a few very tidy overs without breaking his thumb.

The Wick were jolly in the field and apart from the putting down two sitters so sitterish that you would expect them to be caught by Jeremy Beadle with his good arm tied behind his back (when he was alive, obv) it was blemish free with Tim McMullen belieingly agile, Olly King sharp in the gully and two Dom's - Lown and Jones - unsingleable in the covers. Lloydy and Clarky discussed rumours of multi-generational libidinous Swedes. Did we concede a boundary? Perhaps we did - edged to third man. And perhaps one that was driven.

They made 37. It was not time for tea. So we didn't have it. When we did it was the same as always. 7.

When we batted Clarky was sent in to shepherd Dominic Jones in his debut adult innings. A number of things happened. First it became clear that Jones had been corrupted by his elders who had convinced him to run hard and push Clark for threes in the warm May sunshine. Second Jones is a far more competent bat than his stature may have led Clark to believe and he proceeded to outbat if not outscore Clark - who was determined to knock the runs off as quickly as possible to get to the aforementioned tea. Not before Jones had leant on an off drive with all the nonchalance that Clark manages when he leans on a bar (considerable) and carved a square cut (just behind) that was wasted on a 4xi game.

The chase was up in 7.1 overs without loss and there is little more to be said. Clark bashed it around and was hit a couple of times in the gut by ones that spat making him think it was not a good deck to bat on and reflect that were his gut full of tea (see earlier) perhaps the blow would have been further cushioned. Jones - half his height and a tenth of his girth - ignored these tribulations and batted beautifully. Promising debut. Excellent spell from King who was nearly unplayable. Four wickets for Skipper Linter who hardly put a foot wrong. MOM? You can't give one. There wasn't enough match. Well - maybe the oppo skipper. He had a scratch side out and might have spared them a difficult afternoon in the field by batting first. Enough said. Actually - give it to ours. He did everything well - even down to apologising to the guys who were TFCed.

1xi vs Sinjun Grammarians - Match Report

"I'll show you some red ink, muthaf..."

“Ol red ink Myers” (M.Davies)

Scorecard

Buoyed by victory the previous week and facing a side that struggled to retain status in the Surrey Champ last year the wick were feeling in confident mood.

A new sense of cautious optimism had entered the dressing room as well as Tongy has selected a changing room DJ for each week. This week should have been Fin Murray but he remembered late in the week that he had an exam on the Monday so Tong jnr stepped up and choose a bit of Kasabian to get the dressing room rocking. Blank faces from Ali, Rashid and Fahad but Kilner whistling along seemed to approve.

Riley’s lucky coin didn’t work this week and Sinjun decided that runs on the board were the way forward. As with last week Aqeel still looked a little short for match practice and the Sinjun openers took advantage of him and a slightly weary Tong jnr (ask him about his antics in a back alley off the Strand the night before…). Despite this the Wick were able to pick up early wickets and the big wicket of Ali Zaidi to a debatable LBW decision meant we had the key breakthroughs.

The change of bowling to Tanveer and Tong snr meant the pressure was applied and Fahad bowled 10 on the spin despite not having slept for 36 hours (how does the guy do it???), only conceding a remarkable 17 in the process. Kilner and Rashid also had a go and successfully claimed wickets and then when Ali entered as 5^th change bowler there was really no let off for the oppo. Catches were held and skipper Tong managed a direct hit run out from mid-wicket in a very slick fielding and bowling display. End result Sinjun all out for 138 in 47 overs.

The deck had been a bit juicy and the ball had moved around right up to the 40^th over. This wouldn’t be a straightforward chase. It was then made even harder when the Wick lost Ali and Rashid with only 8 on the board.

The Tong partnership was once again required to propel the wick along. Well not so much propel as splutter as both Tongs were dropped twice and played and missed regularly. This Sinjun bowling attack will cause damage this year and are far improved from previous seasons. The Tong boys dug in and put on nearly 50 to break the back of the chase. However a rare bad delivery wasn’t fully punished by Tong snr and he spooned to mid-on to the delight of Sinjun. Kilner joined the party and seemed more in control along with Tong jnr but Sinjun kept working hard and picked up Tong, Kilner and High in quick succession to a series of poor strokes. Always difficult to put the bad ball away when you are so intent on keeping so many good deliveries out.

5 down and 50 still needed, nerves jangling and skipper Tong's finger nails were fast disappearing. Surely after such a promising start the boys couldn’t throw this away? Fortunately new recruit Paul Myers adds some solid middle order Northern grit to the team. Not out in both friendlies and the 1^st league game, he didn’t fancy giving his wicket away in this one either. Always composed and happy to take time to get settled he and other new boy Jamal saw the Wick home. It was tight but it had been done. The depth of the Wick batting was key and could be for the remainder of the year. Another bonus point win achieved and the Wick were top of the league. Bring on Dorking next week…..

Oxted & Limpsfield vs HWRCC 3xi - Match Report

Copeland Looks Damn Cool But Is Still Late

All "Round" Performance From Paddy McMullen Can't Prevent Defeat for 3s

Scorecard

On Friday afternoon, the Wick were looking at taking to the field with nine men for their away game at O&L. Thankfully, Paddy McMullen stepped in and encouraged two mates to re-engage with our summer sport. Welcome Tom Butterfield and Jackson Iredale.

With a full complement of players we set off for O&L, a little behind schedule at 1130 but with enough time to make it unless the M25 was cruel. Copeland lived up to his rock and roll billing and arrived late (again) on his bike. Two cars departed while the brothers Sayce waited for Copeland. Fifteen minutes in Bushy Park queues didn’t help but the last car to depart the Wick arrived at O&L at 1230.

Awaiting them there was Chaz who had gone straight. No sign of the others. At 1250, with only four Wickmen on the scene O&L won the toss and decided to bat. The umpire insisted no start until the Wick had 8. At 1255, a car arrived. Three Wickmen inside. So still no chance of starting although the O&L openers were ready to go. Phone call. The other four were at the other O&L ground. At 1310, O&L’s captain offers one of his men to give us the requisite eight to start. Skipper thankfully spies the final car coming up the drive. At 1315, we get started with 11 on the field.

Farooq Ahmad opens up and looks lively but with little luck. The O&L openers tough it out and get their side off to a steady start. Chaz ties down the batsman but can’t make the breakthrough either. The older Sayce brother bowls tidy dibbly-dobblers but can’t make a breakthrough. O&L’s openers makes fifties for consecutive weekends. Paddy McMullen comes down the hill and while lacking fitness (a first year at Uni well spent) has too much pace at this level. He bowls full and straight and picks up four wickets. O&L close on 230-6. Not out of reach on a decent track with a fast outfield but the Wick batting line-up doesn’t look to have strength in depth.

Tea. Excellent. Particularly for those with a sweet tooth. A 50/50 savoury/sweet split featuring scones and muffins. This week’s path to victory involves batting the fifty overs. Occupation of the crease with a late burst will get us close...

Last week’s ton hero gets strangled down the leg side, caught behind to a ball that nicks his pad but nothing else. Tough call for the Ump but harder for our hero to stomach. Skipper nicks to the keeper and Harry’s stumps get splattered. We’re 15-3.

Who’s this week’s hero? Paddy steps in with some lusty blows to make 27. No-one else makes double figures. 69 all out in 20 overs. Not pretty, in fact very ugly.

The batting is perhaps best glossed over this week and we’ll give Pete Glancy of O&L credit for his six wickets. Improvement clearly needed here if we’re going to compete. This week’s bowling looked good and Farooq Ahmad looks like he may prosper during the summer despite being luckless.

Perhaps having 11 men at 1300 will help us turn the corner?

Southern Kenley vs 1xi - Match Report

Not Every Ground is as Beautiful as The Wick

More Rabbit Than Waitrose (S.Riley)

Scorecard

After a disappointing set of pre-season friendlies, most would have said that the 1’s would be looking to consolidate their div 5 position rather than looking to promotion. Therefore the 1^st game of the league away at relegated Southern Railway and Kenley was met with slight trepidation by skipper Tong who had never previously played against this oppo.

Before departing both Leggsy and Charlie High words had been;  ”nice place, almost West Indian like ground” so Tongy was keen to revive tour memories and get down there nice and early to survey the scene. West Indian looking maybe (do they have council housing in the Caribbean?), West Indian weather certainly not. A typically damp early season day and a very typically green deck greeted the travelling Wick side.

Lady luck smiled the Wick's way, Riley’s lucky £2 coin never disappoints, and SK&R were asked to have 1^st bat on a tricky looking deck.

The Bowling unit, for so many years the strength of the Wick, looks a little weaker compared to previous years. The loss of Daisy and Kamran are certainly big gaps to fill (Kammy’s gap certainly a bit bigger….) however Tong snr without a hangover and Tong jnr without women troubles to complement Nomaan, Fahad and young Spinner Alex Dare is certainly still one of the strongest bowling units in the league.

As hoped the bowlers wasted no time in finding rhythm. However Nomaan Ali was certainly the pick of the bowling picking up 6 for 20, well supported by Tong snr with 2 for 16. Only Aqeel making his 1^st xi debut looked a bit rusty without a pre-season game under his belt.  A hugely frustrating 9^th wicket stand and two rain breaks held the Wick up but SK&R could only make 126 all out from 43 overs. SK&R look like they will have to rely heavily on opener Adam Pryor who looked a class apart for a team whose batting line-up looks likely to struggle for runs all year.

Due to the loss of overs the Wick were then presented with a reduced target of 92 from 30. This played into Wick hands as the deck had started to cut up and become very sticky and uneven. The fewer runs to chase the better.

SK&R may struggle for hugely talented individuals but they certainly don’t lack a few words in the field. Out strode Rashid and Tong snr to a barrage of verbals from a young side not afraid to make you feel welcome. What certainly made the task harder was accurate bowling on a track livelier than the banter. Immy departed early and in came Tong jnr. Despite great talent [and modesty - Ed] Tong jnr failed to deliver with the bat last year and was determined to make amends this year. If he continues as he started then he will challenge the top batting stats for the league. He raced to 50 and punished anything short or straying onto the pads. Despite a slight wobble and a flurry of wickets the Wick made it home with wickets and overs to spare, bonus point in the bag.

So a successful start to the league campaign but tougher challenges lie ahead for the 1’s…..

3xi vs Old Wimbledonians - Match Report

Golby Gets a Ton on Kings Field to go with this one he got on the Main Square...

Carefully Laid Plan Gans Aglay as De Cocks Make it Hard for The Wick

Scorecard

The selectors weren’t spoiled for choice for the game against Old Wimbledonians. 

In fact, the thirds took to the field with ten men for the first game against Old Wimbledonians. Truth be told, we took to the field with eight as Harry Copeland and his mate, Jonny Allen, turned up at 1305. The ten included Mervyn Watson, father of colt Robert Watson, who manfully volunteered on Friday answering a “your club needs you”, call to arms to all colts fathers from Sam Kemp.

Old Wimbledonians won the toss and decided to bat on the Kings Field. Bubb, the left handed opener smeared the ball to all parts with little respect for the bowler’s line or length. With 90 on the board in the opening ten overs of the season and ten men in the field, heads could have easily gone down. They didn’t. 

Olly King, the U17 bowler dragged the Wick back into the game and by drinks, Bubb had departed and OWs were 150-3 from 25. The fielding huddle spoke of further inroads that could be made and a target of limiting OWs to beneath 250 at the most... We hadn’t factored in the two de Cocks (brothers/cousins/namesakes??) batting at 5 and 6. These guys would look class in the 2s. Their well compiled 50s took OWs to 325 at the end of their scheduled 50.

The path to victory was simple. Put together by skipper Sayce, the plan was for Sayce to lead his team to glory with 150, Goldie to get a ton and Harry to finish the job with a quick fire 50. Easy.  At 5-2 and Sayce in the hutch for a duck, Harry running himself out in comical (in hindsight) fashion the plan had come apart and a big defeat was on the cards. Tommy D was padded up to come in at 5 and those below him didn’t promise many unless Mervyn was a batting god.

Slowly Goldy and Tom Simcock took us past 25 and the 300 run defeat and then stepped up the pace. Goldy treating anything short with disdain, cutting and pulling his way to many a boundary. Simcock, if slower stuck in there and put away bad balls. The 100 partnership came up.. Goldy smashed a memorable four over mid off having passed fifty and then moved through the gears (barely a trademark nurdle to be seen). Simcock reached his fifty. Goldy reached his ton fulfilling his part of the victory plan. Straight after that milestone he departed and Simcock soon after for 54. Wick reached 203-8 from their 50 overs.

A tough opening day against a high quality batting line up but runs from Goldy and Tom Simcock along with fine bowling performances from Olly King and Jack Smith in the circumstances hinted that better days lie ahead.

MOM Goldy

Sunday XI vs Ashtead - Match Report by R Cole

"Quick - let's piss on the pitch - Coley's lost the toss"

HWRCC 129 all out

Ashstead CC 130 for 7

A glorious day, a good match. Skipper Cole was in charge for his first outing on the back of Skipper Smith losing the previous week.
Cole made an immediate impact, clearing the deer excrement from the pitch at a rate of knots, clearly the First XI had not bothered the day before, judging by the poo's hardness it was not recent activity.

No excuse Tongy! Skip could do nothing about the deer wee just short of a length at both ends which caused a few problems, indeed Skipper Smith extracted maximum movement from the piss during his spell. Word has it someone had tried to replicate marking of territory Saturday night or early Sunday morning but only managed to find the ice machine instead: warm drinks in bar later.

Anyway, Skipper Cole lost the toss and the oppo quite nicely asked us to bat on a urine ridden deck. Same animals tried to run on to the pitch just before start but were quickly pushed away. Clearly some fun had been had on Saturday night so much so that half the team were struggling to stand up. DMJ and Ed opened up, DMJ got given to the seamer who was doing all sorts out of the slash, strangely after that decision we seemed to be happy to give our men out, Charlie horrendously done by Mo and Skipper Smith done by a very grumpy Charles. Schoolboy error from Edmunds never the give the Skipper.

Charlton looked good but them smacked long hop down mid wicket's throat, Charlie High in, Fin smacked a very quick 30 before trying to blast one too many but highly entertaining. Skipper Cole came in to witness Mo do Charlie High with a shocker, Mo's finger up quicker than DBW on Viagra. It was Mo's last game at Wick, an emotional and subdued Mo at that, perhaps he thought only way to get wicket in last game was to umpire! Mo then got done himself by DMJ although it was plumb. Even more grumpy Charles E did Skipper Smith, Tim hit some nice shots and Skipper Cole held all together with patient 32 before trying to push score along, young guns Smith and Will Taylor saw us to 129. Credit to oppo, fielding was excellent and bowling tight.

A good tea. Smiths opened up looking resplendent in their new shirts, their 16 over opening spell removing four top order decent bats for not many. Young Smith out doing old Smith 3-1. Will had a go but got a bit of tap from the Skipper whose 50 took game away from us, Tim got one, Fin got one thanks to great catch from Cole to remove skipper but damage had been done, Mo did get wicket - and they got it in 40th over. Great effort.

A few drinks after whilst we watched Goldie's fit teaching friends. Why didn't my teachers look that good?

HWRCC Sunday XI vs Wimbledon Corinthians - 28 April 2013

"Ed in the field"

Coldplay at the Wick - Match Report by Smith G

Hampton Wick Sunday XI 132 all out Wimbledon Corinthians 133 for 6

Following the emphatic victory over Chiswick & Latymer on the previous weekend, the aged captain was feeling confident, almost smug, as he surveyed his team sheet. So confident in fact, that he began to wax lyrical to the oppo’s skipper about the strength and depth of his side. This led, as hoped, to the Wimbledon skipper generously allowing our batsmen to make first use of a reasonable early-season track.

As Nomaan and a chirpy Charlton prepared to stride out to the crease, two Wick players were lent to the oppo on a sale or return basis because some of their team were still hopping from one Bushy Park ground to the next on a quest to find their chums.

Captain Smith felt even more sure that an easy victory was on the cards after Nomaan’s flurry of fours in the first over. Charlton, still sporting a colourful bruise from his misguided attempt the previous Sunday to hook so early in the season, also looked at ease as he wafted the occasional wayward ball to the flags.
With 20 in the larder in quick sharp time, a big total seemed inevitable.

Then, to the relief of our substitute fielders, the missing Wimbledon players began to appear from various points of the park, seemingly no worse for their yomp. But it turned out that two of the explorers were the usual opening bowlers and thus the balance of power was about to change. From that moment on, Wimbledon bowled with vim and vigour and much discipline. Charlton soon succumbed to a snorter of a delivery thus allowing the effervescent Paul Myers from Loughbroughshire to make his home debut – question time for the young P.M.

Almost immediately P.M. fashioned a drive but checked the shot at the last moment resulting in the ball spooning gently to extra cover. The extra cover declined the chance, perhaps thinking (correctly as it turned out) that P.M. was bound to spoon the ball again in the near future. So, not the home debut that Paul had no doubt dreamt about. But he had showed huge promise in the One’s on the previous day and I am sure that glories lie ahead.This wicket brought Edmonds loping apprehensively to the middle as the temperature dropped; a cold chill enveloped at the ground and began to infiltrate the bones of the Wick batsmen.

Nomaan was sticking to his task until, on 39, he was caught bang to rights on his back foot and began to anticipate the ascent of Riley’s frozen finger. This took a remarkably long time to occur, because Riley either wants us to believe that he thinks deeply before committing or because he simply wanted to keep his hand warm for as long as possible – I suspect the latter.

At this point the author wishes to publicly apologise to our Lancastrian friend for conning him into umpiring this match with a false promise of warm sunshine and dainty smoked salmon sandwiches for tea (a promise that fell as short as Monty Panesaar’s unnecessary dive in the last Test Match). The Wimbledon bowlers continued to impress and had the remaining Wickmen struggling to regain the upper hand. A double digit total began to seem an alarming possibility but some determined efforts from Madoc-Jones the Eldest, Nav Kamboh, Usman and Hussan helped to post a total of 132.

Tea was the usual bounty of baps supplemented by a selection of biscuits that must have spent the winter maturing in the kit cupboard next to Mo’s discarded jock strap.

After the break, Wick opened up with Smith and Goodwin – an aggregate of 93 years of experience between them. With the wind behind him, Father Ted Goodwin belied his years and gambolled jauntily to the crease. Having just told the skipper to pack the off side as he “never strays down leg”, the inevitable leg side offerings were gratefully accepted by the Corinthians opener. But Ted soon got his line back and began to ask questions of the batsmen (questions such as “why are you such a lucky F*****?).

At the other end Smith G forced himself into the chill wind, knowing that his already creased facial features would be further ravaged by the elements. Serving up his usual away swingers, he too began to ask questions (such as “what the hell I am doing out here when I could be at home with my pipe and slippers?”). A rare cricketing event took place in Smith’s 2nd over, after a cunning leg side ball was misread by Madoc-Jones the Eldest behind the timbers. M-J managed to deflect the ball on to his helmet that he had carefully placed behind him, resulting in Riley gleefully declaring “that’ll be 5 PENALTY RUNS that will”. More fun and games soon ensued when Smith forced the opener to chip to mid off where Charlton was grazing contentedly but Ed decided he would rather grass the ball than give Smith an early wicket. However the batsman, assuming he would be caught out, had already meandered down the wicket to bid his farewells. Seeing this, Charlton rose to his feet like a rhinoceros recovering from a particularly heavy anaesthetic and squirted the ball to our gloveman who completed the run out. First wicket down – but harsh on Smith.

The veteran opening bowlers continued to keep control for the first ten overs before Nomaan came on to shake up the oppo and momentarily tilt the balance back to the Wick by taking the next 4 wickets in an excellent spell of virtually unplayable seam bowling.

All the bowlers performed well, Hussan and Paul Myers probed and deserved more reward for their labour but the Corinthians batted sensibly and began to pick up the two runs an over that they needed. A few more dropped catches ensued – understandable in the cold gloom and a loss of two of our fielders for the last 10 overs did not help the cause. Special mention to young Will Taylor who bowled an accurate 7 overs of dipping off spin offering great promise for the coming season.

Great spirit in the team which augurs well for the coming league season. Getting excited now.

Smith G.

Sunday XI vs Chiswick and Latymer

Tongy’s Ton and Tanveer Torments

With April finally deciding to bless us with above freezing temperatures the Wick kicked off its 150^th anniversary season to some long overdue pleasant spring sunshine. The wicket, square and outfield -  despite the weather - looked as good as it has ever done; it was great to be back to playing cricket down the Wick. The familiar sight of what seemed like a thousand colts, an out of breath Charles Edmonds with burger in hand after attempting to control colts and DBW chuntering away from within the kitchen were reassuring sights and sounds of Summer.

This new season will see many new captains at the Wick and the Sunday side has a new double act in Graham Smith and Richard Cole, the experienced duo taking the helm this year after Graeme Tong decided that doing both Saturday and Sundays was a sure fire way royally to piss off the girlfriend. Will the experience of this pairing provide fantastic mentoring to a young Sunday side this year or will the old farts fail to inspire? Only time will tell [Bit harsh - Ed].

Smith was in charge for this first game and had a strong XI to call upon with many 1s and 2s players keen for some early season practice. 1^st toss 1^st win and Wick get a chance to stick some runs on the board. Tongy and Imran opened up, initially looking to ensure no early batting scares on a green lively looking deck. They were assisted however by the poor control of the Chiswick and Latymer bowling attack. Tongy getting a nice juicy full toss to despatch to the cover boundary and Imran getting a log hop that was slapped towards the Pavilion square of the wicket. The bowling didn’t pose any great threat and soon Immy was confident enough to start getting down the track to the bowlers and start heaving a few over mid-on.  The ball was doing a bit when put into the right areas but these decent areas weren’t used enough and the openers found themselves able to leave when necessary and put away the frequent bad delivery.

After the 1^st ten the score board really started to accelerate with Rashid in particular having the confidence to take on the oppo attack even after fresh bowling was introduced from both ends. Rashid had raced to 50 within 13 overs but Tongy soon managed to catch up taking 16 from an over and racing from 30 to 46. The partnership was finally ended when Rashid tried a slightly ugly heave across the line and found middle stump disturbed. The opening stand of 122 in 18 overs however had set the platform nicely. Noman strode to the crease keen for some early season practice and soon found his timing with some sweet drives straight and through the covers.

It wasn’t to last however as he was undone by the slowness of the early season wicket and got a leading edge to mid on. This set the tone for a series of dismissals in similar fashion, with Iain Tong and Jamal both getting caught in a similar way attempting to push the score along. G Tong however stayed firm and decided to anchor the innings and kept pushing the ageing ball around with some ease. Charles was next in with an amazing technicolour display of kit including bright orange gloves, blue helmet, luminous yellow shoes and garish purple stickered bat giving him the look of a pack of highlighters you might use for revision purposes at A-level. This dazzling display unfortunately didn’t last too long as he was bowled with one that nipped back through the gate.

Fahad and Prashant came and went quickly but both had enough time and the crease to support Tongy and launch some heavy blows, Prashant only needing one sighter before lofting an impressive straight six.

Tongy in the meantime had been scoring freely taking boundaries at regular intervals and 1s and 2s with ease. He soon found himself in the 90s and in the 37^th over realised Noman had been slack at changing his score, jumping from 95 to 99. He took the single that next delivery and brought up his 1^st ever ton, not a bad way to start the season. He was run out for 100 and this allowed just enough time for Ed Charlton to bring some comedy into proceedings. You can always rely on Ed for that moment of worry that turns into amusement and today it was the top edged hoick with the ball managing to find its way between helmet and grill. See Facebook for pictures of impressive shiner! Captain Smith was keen to get out into the middle and so declared on 238 for 9 in 39.4 overs [So keen that he didn't bat? - Ed].

Tea-ATS, some things never change, DBW tea’s being one, however there was a new treat, a potato cheese and leak Frittata, however this new addition seemed to confuse most and it was barely touched. Shame - as frittatas go - and I am an expert - it is ok, give it a go!

The warm glow of early spring was replaced with a chilly breeze and gloomy cloud cover for the Chiswick reply and like the grim conditions the scorecard didn’t read much better. Fahad after some impressive net performances in pre-season relished being back with new cherry in hand and soon had stumps flying and the slips in action. 2 batsmen bowled, one with leg stump cartwheeling, and 2 nicks behind saw the score at 8 for 5. Captain Smith got in the action as well with a trademark away swinger caught behind by Madoc- Jones. The oppo captain offered impressive resistance and numbers 6 and 7 stuck around to allow him to score 50 this making the score 65 for 6 then 80 for 7. He cashed in when bowlers were rotated and with the spinners struggling to grip the ball in chilly conditions the balls were well punished. However as soon as he departed the end was near. Fahad came back on and with the help of G Tong and Prashant mopped up the tail. Oppo all out for 93 and a convincing 1^st performance of the year for the wick.