the downfall of Roy Symonds....and why you should care

The decision from Cricket Australia to stand Andrew "Roy" Symonds down from the tour to South Africa is nothing short of complete injustice. After referring to New Zealand journeyman Brendan McCullum as a "lump of shit", Roy has been tapped on the shoulder and sent back to the asylum for further assessment.

According to James Sutherland, now regarded by many as the "Nurse Ratchet" of the Australian cricket team, Andrew needs to "review and reaffirm his personal documented commitments" if he was to be considered for Australia's one-day international series against Pakistan in April.

Like many, you're probably wondering what these commitments are. Well, following some in-depth trawling on the internet, i've managed to track down what Roy has signed up to. To the untrained eye, the "rules" that Roy must obey if he is to continue "making progress" seem simplistic and almost comical. However, for seasoned observers like Wickman Junior, these represent the very foundation of how to live a good life.

My rules: By Roy (NB: the language has been edited)

• Don't turn up to matches pissed.
• If you're given two options of how to spend your day, either going to cricket training or going fishing with mates, stick with the first option. It's more important.
• Don't get into fights in pubs; and
• If referring to other players, don't describe them as "lumps of shit". Call them "difficult opponents" or "fiery customers" instead.

Strong rules aren't they? If everyone in the world could follow these simple rules, can I suggest it would be a better place?

But, Nurse Ratchet doesn't think these rules are enough:

"Our assessment is that he is making good progress but that his commitment needs testing against new, tougher criteria we will finalise after consultation with his counsellors, the ACA [Australian Cricketers' Association] and Queensland Cricket."

Tougher criteria? Perhaps they'll bring out a straight jacket if he breaks one of these rules? It just seems laughable....THE BLOKE HAS DONE NOTHING WRONG! So what....can we not have a few beers anymore, swear on the pitch or get into the occasional fight? How many Wick players could adapt to these rules? Can I suggest maybe one or two?

Playing cricket should be whether you can deliver on the field or not. That's it. Why do we try and bring people down just for having a life outside of the game, or for the language they use? I'd be happy if they just dropped Roy for making no runs. A logical, reasoned decision. But don't do it because he uses the word "shit"!

Make no mistake, this is just the start of big brother in the cricket world. Roy might be the first, but who's to say that you won't be next?

Wickman Junior