HWRCC Tour xi vs Hambledon cc (Away)
ATS, Tim, Timmy E, 6 Pack, The Lord, Lodger, Lash, Retired*, Wickman+, Barry, Basil and Norris.
Not surprisingly, given that half the country is underwater, the strip was rather damp. This did not deter skipper Retired who conspired with the oppo’s overseas player and captain for the day to bat.
ATS and, surprisingly, Tim, opened for the Wick, Retired swayed by Tim’s club day performance. Carving a wide one over gully, Tim fleetingly (about three balls) looked the real deal against a 17 year old opening bowler who slanted the ball back into him. In trying to play some form of hop scotch to a Yorker that was missing leg stump, Tim succeeded only in kicking the ball onto the stumps. No solid platform there.
Timmy E strode to the crease but soon strode back to the pavillion, also bowled. Catastrophically for a not particularly strong batting line-up, 6 Pack reached the crease only to find himself unable to move, see the ball or play a stroke. His entire body shut down after three balls owing to an excess of alcohol during the previous three days. He became the first ever Wick batsman to officially retire hurt where the hurt was “drunk”.
The Lord came to the wicket and immediately restored some order to proceedings. Off the mark with an enormous six into a neighbouring field he put the strip into immediate perspective by getting on the front foot to everything and looking largely comfortable against some excellent wicket to wicket bowling. ATS though planted his foot too early and was bowled around his pads, later blaming Wickman lending him Old School skinny pads which prevented him from keeping it out.
There then followed a piece of magic as The Lodger was dismissed first ball on Tour Debut bowled through the gate. Lash strode to the crease with Hambledon on a hat-trick and was extremely lucky indeed not to be given first ball when he padded up to one that came back. The umpire claimed that the wicket was on a slope and he was not sure that the ball would not have missed leg stump, but The Lord rightly suspected that it was not given to protect the umpire from heavy fines for triggering a colleague, giving the opposition a hat-trick and condemning the Wick to something hideous like 30-6… The Lord later confirmed this opinion by fining the umpire concerned anyway.
Captain Retired joined the Lord and there was hope of resurrection. Frankly, The Lord was batting like the deity he is and having already brought out the only Sun we were to see all week, was a fresh cadaver brought before him, Wickman has no doubt that he would have been capable of bringing it back to life. Retired’s batting style is not particularly suited to slow low pitches and sooner rather than later he was back in the Hambledon hutch having chipped one to midwicket having been dropped by Tim, umpiring at square leg.
The Lord and Wickman staged a late innings revival of sorts. Both were horrified to find themselves facing an extremely competent 12 year old Colt rumoured to be on Hampshire’s development books. The fines for a duck in such circumstances could have been staggering. In fact Wickman could count himself lucky not to be LBW to his first and second balls which both pitched outside off stump but went on with the slope. This was real quality bowling from a youngster. In his entire spell he did not stray outside the line of the leg stump and was too nerve shatteringly accurate for Wickman until the latter got off the mark.
With the decline of The Lord, caught at mid on not quite getting to the pitch of one that stopped, a door was opened for Simon Milenko, the 18 year old oppo overseas player, to barge through with a brief spell of rapid Yorkers (bowled off about three paces – Wickman would NOT like to face him off a full run) doing for Barry, Keith (quaaaack) and Norris (quack, quack) in short order, all bowled. The Lord made 37, Wickman 31* but with four ducks and not many other runs around, we could only set them 125 to chase.
Tea was truly excellent. Meringues with fresh cream the highlight. Nothing else could be faulted either. When combined with a pint of local beer it was almost unassailable. 9. There was dangerous talk of awarding a 10 here but this is the highest mark ever awarded to a tea in a match report. And there is no such thing as a 10…
Our fielding performance outclassed the batting performance by a factor of about 2 to 1. But once again it was The Lord that lead it and proved to be the bright spark that ignited Wick passions on the day. It was clear that Milenko was keeping himself back to give other less accomplished players a knock (one particular batsman who should have walked first ball was inserted FAR too high) and that had he come in at his normal position of 1 we might, unless we snared him early, have suffered – but we’ll never know…) but actually for a rather young side these guys displayed some great technique.
Hambledon were almost dismissive of the bowling early on reaching 40 odd without loss. The Lord, at first change, pegged them back by bowling an exemplary off stump line. Almost without fail when one seamed, following the slope of the pitch, it exploded through the defences of the opposition batsmen. And many of them displayed far better technique that we offered. This was top quality seam bowling and resulted in a well deserved four for. Wickman, standing up, was not required to retrieve a SINGLE delivery down the leg side. Not one.
Before then Timmy E delivered some light relief to those that had picked up a duck earlier (Basil, Norris, 6 Pack, Lodger) by palming up a caught and bowled into the air before losing the trajectory of the ball and spilling it. Time for Bonnet de Douche, the special shower cap for wearing by catch spillers. Even the opposition laughed. As Timmy E went around in the field he was like a magnet afterwards. His glee when the ball ballooned into the air to land near a Keith who was never going to get to it was short lived. Galloping across the field like a young gazelle Timmy E was pulled up short by first Keith and then others as it became clear that it wasn’t a chance that was grassed. Otherwise, until Norris spilled a Gary Gitter (that’s rhyming slang for sitter because it’s missing an L and the rhymer is missing an H – complicated but keep up), the fielding and bowling was pretty good.
The Lord and Keith, the oldest in the field by 11 years, leapt around like Salmon heading up the river and reaching a weir. At the other end of the scale, Norris, later to pick up sieve, ran around like a gazelle. There were only a very few misfields and mostly by Retired of all people who did well to avoid the sieve. In fact, had he not moved Norris to mid off, where the eventual catch was spilled, Bonnet de Douche might well have been Retired’s…
Barry was equally impressive with the ball. Bowling with amazing control he continually prised a very good No 3 out of his crease and forced him to use his feet and work singles in a way that doesn’t happen in The Fuller’s. He was imperious. Taking 2 for, one caught behind, another bowled, he was unlucky not to get 3 or even more as Hambledon’s younger batsmen have been taught to wait for the umpire’s decision. Given that Barry himself failed to walk it was poetic justice. The only person to really suffer was Wickman who, if he had spilled either, would have been wearing bonnet de douche as sure as Raptor likes JD and Coke.
The game boiled down to an equation which was always going to go in Hambledon’s favour once we dismissed a misplaced left handed batsman who couldn’t get the ball off the square. A few too many extras in the critical moments, mostly leg side wides and byes (ahem) were costly but there was no point in Wickman standing back because the track was too slow otherwise for him to be more than a back stop.
A creditable performance left us the losers by 2 wickets. Hambledon can be reassured that they have some fantastic colts. The 12 year old bowler was impressive in length and line. The No 3, the final wicket to fall, was frighteningly good. Another 13/14 year old hit some astonishing cover drives from balls fractionally off line from The Lord. An embarrassment of riches.
The pitch was low and slow, the Sun was rarely out and it was hardly a high scoring thriller. But it was cricket. And that's more than most of the boys were to get. Thank you to Hambledon for getting a team out and making it happen. With a pitch on top of a hill they probably had the best drainage of anone we were due to play but nevertheless it shows they are a strong club that they can get a fixture like this off the ground on a damp Tuesday when Monday looked like the end of the World.
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