Blogged Too Soon

Oh dear. Get well Banger.

Trezzer and Somerset

Perhaps the most human story from The Champions League tournament is the return of Marcus Trescothick to the subcontinent. Wickman recently read Banger's autobiography Coming Back To Me and it's a harrowing tale of a cricketer coming to terms with mental fallibility. Weighed down by sickness, confined to hotel rooms, struggling with Indian poverty and tortured by the divide between his duty to his family and to his team mates and country, Trescothick is almost destroyed by severe depression. As his life unravells he makes a series of errors of judgement and his life spirals giddily out of control.

To see him back on the World stage (almost) and functioning as a cricketer is a real pleasure. His achievements for England are all the more special for the paucity of one day resources (in particular) that we now have. Getting through to the next stage of this tournament will hopefully give him two more chances to set his stamp on proceedings and Wickman for one hopes we see more of the fireworks he has become known for around the world in the next week.

The book's well worth a look at for those of us who've thought that playing International cricket would be one long dream of run scoring, foreign sunshine and days out at Lords.

Wickman's Travels and Travails

To Sandown with Il Presidente Bob, Chairman Mao and the fast disappearing Alison. It's League Dinner time. Wickman is looking forward to a pleasant evening with friends if not the tedium of another awards ceremony at Sandown. At least in previous years (admittedly Fullers years) there were a couple of almost off colour comedians to liven up the evening and Wickman has fond memories of Paul Allott.

There's no real ale (come on Shepherd Neame - surely some of your fantastic Late Red or a pint or two of Spitfire could have been rustled up?) which puts Wickman in a slightly less than generous frame of mind. The food isn't too bad although at £35 a pop something slightly more exciting than a profit making soup could have been assembled for the starter. And as Alison pointed out (only someone who is as svelte as her would have noticed) there was no chocolate with the coffee. The reasonable bottle of red (retails in most off licences for about £8) had been scandalously marked up to £26.

Hearts sink as Henry Kelly is confirmed as guest speaker. We're informed that he is passionate about cricket so hearts are slightly buoyed. Sadly though the evening descends into anarchy as he seems to be off his game somewhat. The awards are handed out with him burbling along and failing to pronounce many of the team names. Handling a terrible job terribly Kelly then attempts to restore order by asking for respect for the winners from those assembled. This goes down badly with the crowd who are less than impressed with him turning up late in the first place.

There's then a terribly compered Q&A session with the Surrey hierarchy of Gus someone, Chris Adams and Ian Salisbury. None is, shall we say, a natural speaker. Kelly reads out a ridiculous question about a left handed 12 year old (Wickman thinks) and the room is nonplussed and begins to talk amongst itself as a host of rubbish questions are answered badly by the by now slightly worried panel.

The Q&A session goes horribly wrong. Adams tries to play the respect card by telling us that our brave boys are fighting in other countries. Somehow Kelly accuses the audience of being drunk. Someone else asks why Surrey encourages the best colts to join central training and then tries to poach them to better clubs. There is uproar when the question is ducked. There is some heckling cum sledging and then someone borrows the mic to ask how much Kelly is being paid. He asks the questioner how much he has had to drink and the room has been lost for good.

There is an attempt to restore order but things have gone too far. The organisers failing to apologise for serving up some obviously un-rehearsed tosh, an attempt to get Kelly back to the stage is met with little enthusiasm (a show of hands is demanded to coax the by now highly embarrassed guest speaker back to the stage - five hands go up from 500). The evening descends into a post-mortem and carriages arrive at 11.30.

Apparently the Fullers lot have booked Aggers. Wickman quite fancies a bit of that. Anyone who has played cricket at a decent level, can talk cricket, interview Lily Allen and who tweets more than Wickman must be all right. But Wickman will be thinking at least twice before going to another Surrey League dinner. Wickman spoke to some veterans of the event (they'd picked up a major award but only three of them came to the awards - we pick up second place and 30 of us turn up). They said "this year was really bad, a bit of a shame that Kelly wasn't allowed to speak, but its this bad every year".

Let's face it. 95% of the audience has been at work all week. They want a couple of beers, a vat of wine and a good laugh. As about 60 per cent of the tickets are purchased as part of our membership of the League - so to an extent we have to go to offset the cost to the club - the evening needs to be well organised, hosted and delivered. Most of us work in jobs and industries where the shambolic organisation and ridiculous compereing would have cost us our jobs. There was no good laugh on Friday.

Maybe some of the catcalls, ironic clapping and bronx cheers will convince the organisers to pay someone to do the job properly next year. Or post out the trophies. They may never get there with industrial relations as they are but it saves the red faces all round that we suffered on Friday.

Strauss unsure....

Andrew Strauss is sending out some odd signals out at the moment. Wickman Junior thinks he may be getting a little tired after having written Testing Times - a book that, incidentally, was cruelly overlooked at this year's Booker Prize awards. It's a sad indictment on the state of the nation's literary portfolio when a book about Oliver Cromwell (a bloke who's been dead for over 350 years) can pip some of the best cricketing, and can i suggest more relevant, publishing we are seeing at the moment from Gilchrist and the like. Go figure. I defy anyone who's ever read "Out of my comfort zone" from Steve Waugh, to say that it shouldn't be a part of every English syllabus in classrooms across the country. But I digress....

Speaking about the next stage in England's journey, Strauss said this...

"We have a busy summer of cricket before the Ashes in Australia so there's a lot of cricket ahead," he told BBC Radio Five's Sportsweek programme.

"The key is to make sure the players are fresh but at the same time you don't want to be tinkering with the side too much.

"The Bangladesh tour is quite a useful one in our development in terms of playing on sub-continental wickets...I'm not going to say I am definitely on it at this stage and I'm not going to say I'm definitely not on it, we'll just need to see where we are as a side."

"I can't guarantee anything, I don't know what will happen in the next few months. We only select one tour at a time. The South Africa tour is a massive one and then we've got Bangladesh in February and March. When we select that we'll sit down and see where we are as a side with injuries, niggles and all that stuff. We'll sit down and decide the best course of action."

Take his first point about it being a "busy summer of cricket, so there will lots of cricket ahead". Thank you for pointing this out Andrew. Wickman Junior can't imagine how this talk would go down in the dressing room. Perhaps there are players in the team who thought it would be a fairly quiet summer of cricket? Also - if it is going to be a busy summer of cricket, were some expecting to play tennis instead?! Of course there is going to be a lot of cricket ahead Andrew - i'd expect that in a "busy" summer of cricket.

Then this: "I can't guarantee anything. I don't know what will happen in the next few months". What?! Aren't England touring South Africa soon - that will surely take care of the next few months. Wickman Junior has even read a fixtures list to confirm this. Has Andrew not been told? Maybe this hasn't been "guaranteed" as Andrew puts it, and he's asked players to rock up to Heathrow to see if they can get on a flight to South Africa, in the hope of getting a game. But looking at his next comment: "The South Africa tour is a massive one and then we've got Bangladesh in February and March. We only select one tour at a time", would seem to suggest he does know what will happen in the next few months, and that England have selected more than one tour at a time. It's totally baffling. And, you know, talk like this from the England skipper only fosters uncertainty. That can't be a good thing.

Wickman Junior

At it Again

Straussy is back in town with a book to launch. Which was the perfect opportunity for him to mangle some English language. Let's call it Captinglish. Here he boldly comments that England should not rest on euphoria.

Nice. But how do you rest on euphoria? The accepted linguistic avenue to go down in these sorts of circumstances is not to rest on ones laurels. Wickman reckons any resting that might have been happening probably stopped happening when we lost six ODIs in a row to Australia followed by one each to NZ and Australia. But as KP mentioned last week there are two momentums, Test and One Day. Maybe you can have Test and One Day laurels too? And if you do work out how to rest on euphoria, maybe you can rest on Test euphoria even if you have run out of One Day euphoria.

[This parrot was resting on euphoria and it didn't work out well - Ed]

Suits You...

Congratulations to the Aussies for winning two one sided games in a row to win the ICC Champions Trophy. But good God. When are they going to wear those hideous blazers ever again?

Brett Lee has his own suit label. Wickman recalls in fact that he even has his own suit shoppe back home. Wickman thinks that even he wouldn't turn out in this gopping number. It makes Roger Federer's desperately naff Wimbledon attire look positively natty.

[Here's Brett Lee in one of his own creations. Ooooo. Ed]

Let's not forget: It's a team game

As pointed out by Wickman on a previous blog, nothing much seems to get past Shaky Isles skipper Daniel Vettori. For those unaware, he previously opined that cricket was all about "posting a total" (to a blog perhaps?) and then "defending it". This is a roundabout way of saying: "we need to get more runs than the other team in order to win". He's a wily fox....stroking that beard and all.

Fresh on the back of this zinger, is his explanation for NZ's success in this tournament.

"Basically the reason we have come so far is because we've had team performances," said Vettori, a day before he leads his side out against Australia at Centurion.

Wickman Junior likes this reasoning, but is slightly perplexed about why this would not apply to every other country in the Champions Trophy. Surely, they are all playing in teams of 11 Daniel? Perhaps he is suggesting that other sides are not actually teams at all, but rather individuals who happen to chuck on similar coloured shirts and are lumped together? Is there an option for country's to just put forward one all rounder perhaps instead? Wickman Junior is imagining Ravi Bopara batting, bowling, keeping and fielding all on his own. Maybe it could make all the difference in future? But at the moment, it would appear that the "team" structure is still the way forward.

Wickman Junior

ICC Trophy Final

What a triumph holding an international trophy final on a Monday again. Wickman blogged about this once before. At least last time it happened (think it was the World 2020 in South Africa) the day of the final was a public holiday in the host country. Probably no one there gives a damn now that the final is between two sides from the other side of the World but still...

This time the people of China, Kiribati, Christmas Island, Laos, Macau, Mozambique, North Korea (they love their imperialist sports over there, oh yes), Portugal and St Lucia will get a chance to watch the game. Anyone in this time zone will spend at least half the final watching ball by ball updates on crackinfo (actually that site does ring a few bells for Wickman), half the second innings on public transport getting home and the remainder fighting the Missus over whether an ICC Trophy final is important enough to miss Eastenders for.

There does seem to be a limited national holiday in Australia - which would put them head of the Kiwis. But the time difference will work against both nations as most of the game will probably take place on Tuesday morning.

Nice work ICC. Building the profile of world cricket again...

[An Aussie Cricket Fan preparing for the game - Ed]

Momentum

Wickman is now extremely concerned about momentum. Everyone in the England camp has been talking about it for the last few days. A win against the Aussies began to give us some "momentum". We then seized on it to beat the Sri Lankans. After that we were in full momentum swing and trounced the Jaapies. But then we had momentum issues and lost to the Kiwis yesterday who picked up a bit of momentum of their own. So in ODI terms we were LLLLLLWWW and now we are LLLLLLWWWL. What next? Will we symmetrically now lose five more in a row with negative momentum? Wickman is confused.

What's even more confusing is it seems you can have two kinds of momentum. KP here talks about not losing the Ashes momentum. So maybe there is Test momentum as well as one day momentum and you can get destroyed by Australia six times in a row in one day cricket but lose no Test momentum in the process?

Wickman needs a lie down.

Shah Gets Ahead of Himself

Here Owais Shah says it's important for England not to get ahead of themselves. He then goes on to talk about the next step being winning the semi-final "whenever it is". No Owais, the next step is beating New Zealand today...

Strauss Grows a Pair

Cor. Stone the crows. England have won two one day matches in a row. And the style they have done it in. Incredible.

Now Wickman isn't writing here of the dashing batting of Shah and Colly - although they did bat out of their skins. Nor is he referring to Morgan's dashing 60 odd which had Bob Willis wetting himself in the commentary box alongside Harsha Bogle (good name). No. Wickman's fascinated by Andrew "The Steel" Strauss' refusal to give Smith a runner.

You used to have to be Australian to refuse a runner - it was in all the unofficial laws. Ranatunga famously was told by Ian Healy that you don't get a runner because you are fat. Last night Smith was knackered. On his last legs having biffed 120 odd and put in 50 overs at first slip. AB De V (the fastest man on either side) turned up to do some running for his cramped up skipper.

And boy did the crowd and the dressing room not like it when the umpires and Strauss (mostly Strauss) told Cruella to go and put his feet up. Howls from the stands. Gnashing of teeth from the dressing room. Supporters accusing Strauss of having a long twirly moustache a black cape and a tall hat. Others recalling Ponting's 2005 run out as evidence of malfeasance (despite forgetting that Pratt was on for Simon Jones who was in hospital that time).

For some reason an England skipper deciding (although it's the umpires who make the decision - check your laws) that Smith - cramped up, not injured - couldn't have a runner is a dastardly and cowardly act of a scared leader. There's a sense in which the poor, crippled South African leader was mortally wounded like some figure from a a Hollywood blockbuster or more likely the Black Knight of Monty Python fame. Apparently Smith would have won the game from there if he'd been allowed someone to run for him.

Wickman says we will never know but reckons its a pile of old bollocks. It's hardly as if the plucky Smith, with limbs hacked off by the dastardly English captain, fought valiantly against insurmountable odds. SA did not lose this game because he became dehydrated and Strauss denied him a "Ganguly" (def. get a bit tired and won't run). They lost it because they bowled worse than England and only Smith was able to bat for any length of time. Perhaps the added psychological weight of being told he couldn't have a runner also crushed the Smith psyche and he wilted. But Wickman doubts it.

Having said that Wickman is keenly anticipating Andrew's first knock in South Africa in a few weeks. Smith at first slip. Steyn 90 yards away pawing the ground like an enraged bull. "Short leg, two out on the hook, the rest of you between me and AB at gully. Let it rip Dale..."

Daniel Vettori - New Career as Mystic Dan?

In a preview for today's ICC Trophy clash between Danny V's New Zealand and the home side Daniel displayed remarkable clear sight. Asked about the game he said:

The challenge is to put a score on the board and defend it as a bowling unit

Wickman was originally attracted to this gem because of its seeming banality. Yes Danny, there's no pulling the wool over your eyes after 240+ ODIs. Then Wickman was briefly entertained by the thought of what would happen if Danny lost the toss and the Jaapies batted? "Sheeeeit boys I lost the toss. How do we go about this whole ODI thing if we have to field first? Defend a total we haven't got by not letting them get so many runs that we can't get them? Or maybe - we could give them less runs than we think we could score. Erm... right... perhaps we could try to defend our bowling score as a batting unit. Brendon, Jesse - you boys have played a few, whaddya reckon?"

But in reality Danny was merely stating a fact as he saw it. If he won the toss, he was going to have a bat. He clearly knew that the Jaapies would stick in the black whatevertheyares. Which begs an intersting question. How did he know? Is he a bit like Derren Brown planting the suggestion in the mind of Smithy? Whatever. If its a genuine talent he's got Wickman suggests we get him over to Kempton so we can spunk the club's bank balance on his prediction for the first race of next season. Genius.

[Derren Brown today in the nets at Centurion - Ed]