Saturday

Those of us hoping for a gradual introduction to the cricket season were left reeling in the bath on Saturday afternoon. A brutal warm up and physical examination lead by Joey and Matt exposed the long winter of indolence perpetrated by your sorry correspondent. 120 minutes of torturous fielding practice, painful stretching and pay back sets of press-ups for the merest of Sunday fumbles necessitated 90 minutes in a warm bath and an hour’s kip in front of one of the many 20-20 games served up over the weekend. Wickman was recovered enough to undo some of the good work with a few pints of Hog’s Back Spring Ale and a slap up supper at the Teddington Arms later on that evening, but a certain weariness of limb left him strangely prostrate on Sunday morning. It was easier to claim a hangover and linger groaning half an hour longer than admit the onset of age and unfitness…#

ps the oppo cried off on Saturday. Something about them being too wet to play Wickman thinks. Three teams out this Saturday chaps...

IPL - cor

So the most eagerly anticipated cricket event since the last day of the Oval in 2005 (slightly biased but hey, who cares) starts today. The cashathon (sorry slogathon) ((sorry future of the game)) that is the IPL kicks off with the usual razzmattazz. Wickman is going to sound like an egg and bacon type here, but why oh why will we need to see some eejits on slits prance about the outfield before the game starts?

Cricket does this stuff so badly. In fact it's almost laughable when cricket has an opening ceremony. There just isn't the money and the necessary vim, vigour and pride. A footer world cup or the Olympics demands months of rehearsals. Half time at the Fruitbowl or whatever its called has even had one of the globe's headline acts flashing her booby bits on live TV. Cricket has blokes on stilts.

The cricket promises to throw up some fantastic statistics. With Mahendra Singh Dhoni on $1.5million we could end the tourney with him earning $100,000 a run or something. And get the sledging opportunities. So, Ricky, how much did you cost bwahahahahahaha. And Shane Warne won't even earn enough to pay his phone bill. It's going to be legendary.

Or is it? Anyone remember the post Ashes World xi game between Flintoff et al and the Aussies? No, neither does Wickman because there was absolutely nothing for the scratch team to play for. They were played off the park, out of whatever state it was played in and right back out of the country because the World xi couldn't motivate themselves beyond checking their online balances at the end of play.

How will coaches motivate teams? Who will carry Ganguly's bags to the bus? Will our old friend John Buchanan be distributing copies of Colin Powell's autobiography or something? Will Dimi Mascarenhas be sending out for a Sunday Roast takeaway after four weeks on the Rubies? Wickman can't wait to find out. A lucky switch away from Sky to Setanta means he might even get to watch a bit. Yayyyyyy Bangolore Bulls or whatever...

When sledging is good for the game

At the end of the Masters Wickman was left feeling slightly deflated. Let's face it no one came up with a credible challenge to Immelman and the only people who were happy would have been his immediate family and anyone who had backed him to hold on at 30-1 at the end of the first day. Wickman is a cautious animal, rarely betting on anything other than cricket. So he wasn't on Immelman at all. Not even one one farthing.

So Wickman was busy uploading stuff to the blog and didn't look at what came on next. Which was a series called Last Man Standing. Now Wickman is no great connoisseur of Wrasslin' or World's Strongest Man so the format - a bunch of oddball blokes from around the world battle it out in various bizarre sports to see who is the Last Man Standing of the title... seemed a bit of that sort of ilk.

So Wickman only started to pay attention when he realised it was an obscure version of cricket to be played between two villages in the South Pacific which the international knobs would be included in. Then Wickman realised that the game was genius. Remember the dicussion earlier this year about sledging being banned by the ICC? Well dear oh dear the match referee in this form of the game would be somewhat busy. Every time someone is caught the entire opposition team gets going on an organised taunting that bears some primal link back to the Haka. So if you've just top edged a pull into the sky and someone plucks it (actually the standard of catching is a bit village - not surprising given that they come from villages Wickman supposes) you then have to endure a couple of minutes of organised in your face tongue poking, jumping about and general jostling. Imagine Harbhajan and Symmo in the middle of that little lot.

Imagine Steve "I always look slightly bemused" Bucknor in the middle of that lot, starched white shirt neatly tucked into his belt while 50 or so (there doesn't seem to be the modern limit on participation) semi naked warriors giving it the Barry. Imagine whatshisface with the bent fingers getting involved and going native and you've got it. I wouldn't fancy Mike Proctor's chances in the aftermath. Handing down fines is going to involve removing a goat or something and if he's going to give someone a three match ban - as they only play once a year - someone wouldn't get a game again until 2012.

Back on the pitch a cultured knob from somewhere in the South of England wafted a couple of smashing sixes over square leg using something that looked like a brightly decorated oar before being commically run out (they operate a running system rather like having a school fag do your running for you). As is often the case a big bloke (who the day before had almost sliced half his toes off with an axe) clagged a series of big sixes in a last wicket stand to win the game. Worth a watch. But fast forward all the non cricket bits. By the way the standard of keeping is phenomenal. If we could fly one of them over...

Saturday Team News and Practice

Wickman is told that the selection committee has met to decide who will play at Long Ditton on Saturday. Please note that the team is asked to MEET AT THE GROUNDat Long Ditton, NOT at the Wick Club House.

Matt Davies
Nathan Singh
Will Walsh
James Cameron
Derrick Soppitt
Zammak Tughral
Dominic Lown
David Ford
Tom Robinson
Adam O'Mahoney
Adam Crane

For remaining club members there will be a net and fielding practice session at the Wick... 1.30 for 2.00pm start. As we are trying to get three teams out next week it would be useful to attend as you won't want to look like a donkey come the first game of the season now will you?

First poll over... not a shock result

As expected Keith Wickles Nicholls beat "the Wick from a candle" to the "Royal Cricket" official "Who is the most Wick" title for 2007-8. Wickman says "as expected" but the Wick from a candle really is quite Wick. Well... it's a wick. So to beat it, you have to be very Wick.

Thank you to the Eskimos... and Hibby

Word reaches Wickman that Saturday's gig at the Wick was absolutely fantastic and probably one of the great nights at the Wick in living memory.

Our thanks should go the band and to Hibby - who generously gave their time in the cause of club funds. More than 80 people paid to see the band and then drank themselves sober into the early hours. It's a much needed boost to club funds.

To those of you that missed the event, the Wick is the cricket club where you play your cricket. It's off Sandy Lane, Hampton Wick. Hampton Wick is a small village just the other side of the river from Kingston.

Just to remind you this Saturday (the day after Friday) there will be a game at one of the Dittons and practice down at the club. There will be an email going out this week.

This attractive young Eskimo beauty did not play at the Wick this weekend but has threatened to love any Wick players with subs still outstanding on June 1 "long time". Rumour has it that the two members who didn't pay their debts by the end of last season can expect a very special visit soonest...

Lookalikes again - who is this?

Two different cartoon characters who look strangely similar to one Wick member...

Nets - Lively

Wickman attended nets at the Oval yesterday with Matti, Cranesy, Lloydy, Jimmy C, Clarky and new boy Matt. Matt O for those of you who might find it hard to cope with another Matt. Wickman is a fan of netting. This winter he has been working on the usual technical adjustments - grip, backlift, trigger movement, switching on and off between deliveries etc (you bowlers won't know what we are talking about here so don't worry).

After a few gentle sessions recently Wickman was most discouraged by a genuine going over and roughing up from this new guy Matt. Netting at the Oval obviously requires lugging kit in to work in the morning. The decision to "leave the helmet behind because Joey's not coming to the net" was a massive miscalculation. One Matt bouncer was past Wickman's cheekbone before he had had time to react. A couple of perfectly pitched and rather rapid outswingers were not played with much elan. One found the edge. Wickman could only hope that it could have been grassed in the real world. Helmetless and low on confidence Wickman then lost all grasp of technique, stopped getting in line and largely just began trying to slog his way out of trouble. Not good. The picture was taken shortly afterwards as Wickman considered ending it all at the nearby Southbank Centre.

So now its back to the living room mirror. There his backlift is metronymic. His elegant back foot plant with weight evenly distributed on the balls of both feet would outdoo Ramps and Goughie in a dance off. The imaginary ball is laced with precision through the tiniest of gaps in a cover region patrolled by fleet of foot Aussies. Ah yes. It's all coming back now...

Getting wick with... Sisso

1 Nickname(s): Sisso/Gambler
2 Highest Score for HWRCC: 125ish v Eastcote
3 Best Bowling for HWRCC: 5 for something or other v Jack Frost 11 (Was mid 1980s so don't remember exact details!) Brad MacNamara got a ton before lunch and I struck after a few vinos!
4 Favourite Away Ground: Honor Oak CC (Got first Wick ton there)
5 Favourite Food: Ruby Murry of course
6 Favourite Singer/Band: David Bowie/Silence
7 Favourite Movie: Godfather
8 Favourite Book: Timeform
9 Favourite Pub/Club: Kingston Tup!/Mavericks
10 Favourite Crisps: Plain…
11 Favourite DBW Sandwich: Tuna… Luvley!
12 Favourite Oppo Tribute: Andy Dindas (captain of Reading CC) when we beat them in first league game of season in League 1 by 150 runs (HWRCC 20 points Reading CC 3 points) "I hope you boys have a good season and don't get relegated!!!!!!!!"
13 Favourite Quote: "winners smile and losers tell stories" Mike McMahon
14 Childhood Sports Hero: Beefy Botham…
15 Best Wick Moment: Beating Gatting's team to get promotion to Middlesex league 2 (With Mike Gatting playing)... despite scoring ZERO…
16 Worst Wick Moment: Haven't had any as the amber anasthetic wipes them all away after the match... After a few beers and a curry even a duck can feel like a ton!
17 Invite 3 People to Dinner (Dead or Alive) Keith Miller, Nicole Kidman and Kate Moss

First Match, Nets, Practice roll up roll up etc

Chaps

Sunshine and cruel Artic winds allowing we're due our first game and formal outside practice session on Sat 19th April.

New skipper of the thirds James Lloydy Lloyd (who makes up these nicknames?) will run net and fielding practice from 12.30.

Those not picked for the mixed ability Wick team to play Thames Ditton are invited to attend. Those of you with stout livers and strong constitutions will then enjoy a lively trip to watch the boys play. Last year Paul Hibby Hibberd (who makes up these nicknames) was in fine form and smashed a ton.

Nets will then run every Tues & Thurs at 18:00 from 22nd April. There are one or two Wednesday Oval nets remaining for those of you who fancy a more controlled environment in which to limber up for the season...

Duck tax applies from Friday 18 April by the way in all games including Sundays... £5 seniors, £2.50 concs (Colts exempted).

HIbby and the Eskimos + special guest DJ Fudge

Without wishing to go on about it Saturday could be a legendary evening at the club. Wickman says could be because it will only actually be a legendary evening if people turn up and bring guests. If you do turn up and bring guests the place will be heaving. If you don't, it might be sort of like when Hibby and the Eskimos rehearse down there. The band. On stage. With no one watching. Which would be dull.

Imagine the place with three eager bar staff, Fudgey's Mrs on the door, specially mixed vats of cocktails for the laydeees, a fully stocked bar, Fudgey doin a bit on the decks.

That sort of infectious atmosphere could get a leper laid.

See you there?

Cricket Force Weekend

Before the snow came on Sunday for brief moments on Saturday you might have believed it was spring. The sun shone. People daubed creosote on things. Chairman Wickles and Fixtures Secretary Lown rolled the outfield (remember the outfield last year? This year it's already like a snooker table in comparison), changing room floors were painted by Nate Dawg. Joe Hirsch and Tommy R (nice to see the new boys making an effort) showed up and lent a brush to the place under the expert eye of Matti D. Hibby, Powelly and Fudgey de-shited the shed. Alison turned up to breathe fire for 10 minutes offended by the concreting work undertaken by our good friends from the park.

Inside in the warmth DBW was busy pulling a varnishing act on the chairs and cursing and moaning about last year's Natwest inspired efforts. Tony C and Coley prepared the kit for colts registration (Coley has generously donated last year's kit to the club which is, frankly, Very Wick). Kirky did a bit too. Linter turned up and organised the sweepstake - which - while it might not have necessitated getting dirty, certainly seemed beyond the combined brainpower of the rest of those assembled. In the end Powelly seemed to have the correct horse for the course.

This time last year the sun was blazing, the ground was harder than a group of skinheads inhaling glue and we had four glorious weekends of sunshine to play cricket and fix the place up. Something tells Wickman, as he observed the Wick under two inches of snow and local ruddy faced youths rolling snowmen on the outfield that our friendly calendar may not quite proceed with the same brio. Someone said Crossbats had their first game on Saturday. Would be good to see a match report and to check that all their extremities haven't fallen victim to frostbite.

For those of you that weren't able to make it on Saturday the club is still where we left it last year you will be relieved to know...