Wednesday, 4 June 2014

Grazza's Sunday Match Report

Sunday match report  v Phoenix CC  by Smith, G

Having read a smattering of Saturday League match reports and having listened patiently  on the balcony to the post league match tales of derring-do, questionable decisions and general bullshit that abounds on such occasions, this correspondent can happily report that the Hampton Wick Sunday XI has been busy pottering away without fuss and has so far achieved a 3 out of 4 win record.

Team selection has been tricky however - not for the captain I hasten to add because with malice aforethought, he has delegated the task of assembling players to a captain of the future - Ed Charlton.
The last three weeks have seen Ed with just 6 or 7 players by Thursday night and he has done sterling work in cobbling together a side mainly by ingratiating himself with the various mothers of the talented Under 15 colts group. Just how Ed has managed to ingratiate himself with anyone with 20/20 vision, or even a pulse, has certainly surprised me, but ingratiate himself he has.

I imagine that the mums must treat him in the same way that you and I would treat afleabitten puppy, smelling faintly of wee,that keeps dropping a saliva covered tennis ball at your feet ie with definite distaste but also with compassion.

The first Sunday in June saw Phoenix CC come to the Wick bringing a friendly but competitive group of players including – two top notch opening bowlers, one of whom was a  seriously quick Sri Lankan who has played 1st class cricket and who, I am fairly sure,  appeared at the Wick last year but for a different team.

The Wick side included no less than five of the previously mentioned under 15 group and what a great bunch they were. They had all arrived on time despite coming straight from an age group match against the Old Ruts.  I understand from the lads that had the Old Ruts match gone the full distance, they would never had made the start of our game and soselflessly, they all batted like only a Wick team can bat and got rolled over sharpish.

I do not intend (ie can’t be arsed) to give a blow by blow account of the match, but I will summarise the highlights for your delectation:

  • Under 15s Gus  and Sam bowled highly disciplined lines and lengths and deservedly picked up 3 or 4 wickets between them – Sam got the lion’s share but both deserve equal praise
  • The other three Under 15s acquitted themselves well in the field, despite having played a game in the morning. Fin Cotter kept wicket to his usual high standard whilst Matt and Zino whizzed around in the outfield and made even Rob Ritchie look leaden footed.    
  • Bendall enjoyed his first bowl of the summer and caused problems for both the opening bats (who were both very decent players)
  • All enjoyed the Sri Lankan quicker roughing up Charlton with a brutal short ball into the ribs
  • All enjoyed the look of utter terror on the faces of our under 15 contingent as they contemplated having to face a bowler hurling down the cherry at serious pace.  
  • I enjoyed watching one of the Under 15s  using his nose as an everlasting mid-faced snack dispenser
  • All enjoyed an impressive and match winning 85 not out from Joe Hirsch who looks certain to fulfil his potential this summer [Joe absolutely smashed a six onto the "other" balcony scattering a group of spectators and almost spilling Wickman's pint - top knock too - Ed]
  • All of the oppo enjoyed the red mist that enveloped  Rifat as he totally ignored the urgent and insistent instructions of his skipper  NOT to try hurling down the stumps.
Right chaps, Bushy Park league games start next week and if anyone feels  that they  need a bit of extra time in the middle then don’t be shy when that text from Ed hits your mobile.

There are many, many  benefits of playing a competitive but friendly weekend game,  but I think that the main benefit of playing a Sunday game is that you will almost certainly not have to share the pitch with Clarky; this is  because his ageing carcass cannot possibly stretch to two days of cricket in a row. ‘That’s harsh!’,  I hear you cry. Well maybe so, but then you have probably not had to spend half of Saturday afternoon marooned next to him at 1st slip, hearing him spout volubly and at length, on the KP affair as well as being forced to listen to him haranguing his teammates with some intolerable nicknames which he gleefully dispenses like an excited and hectoring fourth former at a very minor public school (‘Grazza’-  well, honestly!) [Actually Grazza, many, many people have - Ed]

So if you do fancy a Sunday game, I can safely say that Clark-free Sundays are almost guaranteed.

Having said that, during the recent Sunday match, my day was very nearly ruined, for, as I was busily watching our brave lads fend off the Sri Lankan quickie, I spied to my dismay, Clarky venturing clubwards from the West with his faithful canine. However, I can happily report that the low wooden fence proved to be a sufficient barrier to Clarky’s progress and he headed homewards, having failed once again to get his leg over.

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