3xi vs Trinity Mid Whitgiftians

Sayce changes his order from bed and breakfast to full board...

Sayce Ton Sets Up Comprehensive Win for Wick

Scorecard

After the torture of the first third of the season, so redemption came for hard pressed batsmen at Trinity Mid Whitgiftians on Saturday. Where before this season we have been condemned to bat on soggy bogs and drying tracks, this time we were treated to a rock hard deck, lightning outfield and the generosity that only batting against ten men can replicate. This was a day to revel in timing, to stand and admire shots skim to the boundary, to trust in strokeplay and to enjoy our cricket.

TMW’s ground was a new pleasure for your correspondent. Only Valley End’s 3^rd team ground ranks more fondly in his memory, being as it is just slightly more rural and rustic than this. Bordered by rolling countryside, beautifully kept and on the warmest day of the year so far, this was a ground to wrap up and take home. While one could quibble about our own beautiful sunsets and chunter about the energy sapping drive south through some of Surrey’s more featureless conurbations, when we got there we could set cares and worries aside and – with the usual nervous anticipations aside – relax. Even the changing facilities were top notch and the tea - *smacks lips* was close to perfect.

Sayce won the toss and batted without hesitation. AJ declined to open the batting, moaning softly of half remembered gin and tonics, cocktails and unwise late refreshing beers in Brixton. He moaned some more and castigated himself when he finally saw the track, the outfield and the early exchanges as Sayce settled in to bat all day on what, in combination with some relatively friendly bowling, was as grassless and artless as a Heathrow runway.

As early as the fifth over an excited Sayce was changing his TMW reservation from “bed and breakfast” to “full board” and this correspondent could have sworn he ordered champagne to be delivered to his room too. Apart from offering two return catches to Donald Pleasance lookalike Asbury (the first was a sitter, the second hit his wrist and removed him from the attack) as he struggled to believe that the wicket was as flat as it was, Sayce played beautifully, driving through the off and tickling to leg as if to the manor born. It was inevitable as he set himself that he would reach fifty and as the change bowlers came and went, only a mistake or an early declaration would prevent him reaching a ton. Later in his innings he was brutal on anything over or short pitched, peppering the boundary behind square and testing the excellent Tom James’ fielding skills to the limit. He reached his hundred with only one further alarm when he almost managed to run himself out to the aforementioned James’ arm. Top, top innings allowing others to bat around him. And red ink too batting for almost 47 overs for 115*.

The recipient of  AJ’s hungover largesse was Clarky. Like Sayce he too had diced and spliced in earlier weeks on soggy and drying decks. Here he found to his delight that when the ball was hit it stayed hit. While Sayce was modest in his demands of Hotel TMW, Clark called down to the kitchen and instructed them to bring him his boots, full. By drinks he had assembled a chanceless 78*, mostly through the V and together the skipper and he amassed 153 for the first wicket, until Clarky, eyeing the puddings, tried to pull a ball that kept low and lost his bails 17 short of what would have been a well-deserved century. 83 from 60 balls had certainly helped to set the game up though and Clarky seemed fairly content.

Sayce R joined his brother and moved the field around for a few overs, putting on a brisk 60+ with his brother before Sayce Very Senior had no hesitation in sending him back LBW despite the fact that Rob provided him with a Grandson this week. How ungrateful. The old have so little respect for the young these days. As also evidenced by Smith making Clark the butt of his attempts at humour throughout the day.

AJ – by now recovered and thirsting for runs, not Red Bull, then joined in the fun and turned the latter overs into a full on assault ordering boundaries from the TMW a la carte menu and charging them to Saycey’s bill. He hit three sixes down the ground and into the woods on the way to a rapidly assembled 44* which ensured that even if the game had not been taken away from TMW before, it certainly was now. The skipper declared on 293-2… roughly double the highest 3s innings of the season and probably 100 more than the 3s managed in any innings last season.

And so to tea. It was a belter. Always a good sign when you need a fork because the food comes hot. Melt in the mouth quiche. Little wonton wraps. A Greek salad. Things with pastry. Oh goodness, oh gracious. A walnut cake out of the top drawer, moist to the point of ridiculousness. Scones… If only the bruschetta had had a hint of garlic wiped across them or some seasoning we would be talking 10. But 9 it was. It contributed to the feeling that we were playing at a club that seriously cares about cricket and cricketers everywhere.  Mmmmm. *drools at cake*.

The oppo bowling, if we are completely honest, apart from the excellent endeavours of Sutcliffe and Hughes, lacked the ability  to tie down our batsmen once Asbury had tired and eventually re-tired due to injury.

Schalk was a different prospect on this deck though. Despite not quite delivering his best spell of 2014, he quickly pinned the Oppo skipper in front on the back leg, and later in his spell cunningly employed slower balls to twice find himself on a hat-trick. Sadly on both occasions the batsmen declined to play at slightly wider balls. At the other end the skipper bowled the other opener and only Tom James provided firm resistance in the first half of TMW’s reply. Ultimately no one could stick with him in the face of Schalk’s attack – a grade above anything else on offer.

Stephens gave a very good account of himself behind the stumps. His footwork is still sure and his legside work to Dan Kemp in particularly exemplary. He took a very good catch from an inside edge that observers often fail to appreciate the difficulty level of. It was a mixed day in the slip cordon as the oppo flashed hard and a number of opportunities were as much ignored as spurned.

Kempy Jr couldn’t quite provide a breakthrough due to the standards in the cordon despite bowling a very good length. As the innings began to subside we looked around the field to amuse ourselves and settled on who would become TFC. With Chaz, Daro and Smith yet to bowl and Tom struggling to justify his afternoon having not batted the race was on to see who would win the coveted prize.

Chaz was introduced and removed James via a left handed snaffle at third slip and bowled with great control and guile showing that spin on this wicket didn’t necessarily have to disappear into the woods. Daro bowled beautifully again and almost redeemed Tom who was desperate to cling onto a chance at first slip to remove the TFC tag but grassed it… leaving Daro no option but to bowl the no 10. Smith bristled at the thought he might be TFC reminding people of extraneous factors such as having driven to the game and taking the piss out of Clarky as valid contributions but Tom manfully accepted his fate.

We lingered in the setting sun for half an hour to soak up an emphatic win and toast the skipper’s exemplary knock. And then home via the Wick balcony where winners were grinners. MOM Saycey...

3xi vs Purley - Match Report by Smith G.(Please note, currently with Lawyers)

Grazza Appoints New Lawyers to Handle his Growing Case Work

Match report  3^rd XI v Purley  by Smith G

Scorecard

It should now be abundantly clear to those who are still keeping half an eye on the Wick blogspot  that the match report has become a relatively rare beast this year and may well be  joining the three legged aardvark on the endangered species list. [Come on Tongy, Delbert, Charles... just delegate! - Ed]

I suggest that we really need to  examine why this is happening.

Could it be that Wickman has been overzealous with his editing?

Could it be that our 1^st team skipper has been far too busy at work to type a few words or that he can’t quite reach the keyboard?

Could it be that by 10.00 pm on a Saturday, our 2^nd and 4^th team skippers simply can’t remember what has gone off during the day? 

Could it be that our 3^rd team skipper can’t find the words to accurately describe the athletic beauty of his most experienced bowler’s approach to the crease?

All of these arguments hold water but I remain unconvinced.

Having ruminated long and hard about this, I suggest that the real reason lies in the proliferation of litigation regarding libel and slander. This means that people are just too scared to air their views in case offence is caused and a law suit ensues.

It is indeed important that views expressed in match reports should be tempered to avoid hurt feelings. For example, you may very well think, with good reason, that Clarky is a boring old fucker but you shouldn’t write in a match report that Clarky is a boring old fucker because that could be injurious to his feelings.

Care needs to be taken and words rehashed to prevent feelings being hurt.  Therefore, using the above example, you should simply write that … “Clarky has a wealth of fascinating cricket based trivia which he is very keen to share with his team members who are, to a man, enthralled by his wit and wisdom”.

Alternatively you could just describe Clarky in match reports as “BOF” which could be interpreted as a genuine term of endearment (rather than its true meaning of Boring Old Fucker).

With all this  in mind, I have struggled to compile a suitable match report for the 3^rd XI game against Purley. Just how can I describe Paul Sayce’s dismissal at the start of our effort to chase down 139 without causing offence? What I would like to write is the unadulterated truth, which is that the Purley opening bowler dobbed a gentle full toss to Sayce who spooned it straight to mid off, precipitating a team collapse that was pitiful to behold.

But I can’t write that in case I get sued, so I will describe the events thus:

"Our handsome skipper strode to the middle, looking resplendent in his freshly laundered flannels. He purposefully surveyed the opposition fielding positions and then settled at the crease, his jaw set manfully in anticipation. The new cherry began its journey from bowler to bat and our hero, with a calm air of authority, looked to dispatch the approaching “fullish” delivery to the boundary. Unfortunately the “fullish” delivery must have veered wickedly in its final inch of flight , leaving Sayce absolutely no option but to gently deposit the ball into mid off’s hands, and then to head serenely back to the beautiful Kings Field pavillion, quoting Kiplings ‘If’ on the way."

His loyal team mates offered heartfelt sympathy:

Charlie High: “Hard lines, skip. You couldn’t do much about that one”

Dan Kemp:  “Bad luck skip, what a brute of a delivery. You did well do lay a bat on it”

Smith:  “Sayce, you complete and utter twat.”

The rest of the match can be openly and honestly described because the other team members do not possess the intellectual nor financial wherewithal to commence legal proceedings.

But quite frankly there was little of merit to report although Mackie and High both displayed evidence of sublime batting skills which they both possess in abundance and threatened to win the game for us by themselves. Unfortunately they both perished after a handy 50 run partnership leaving the less talented batsmen at the mercy of a tidy bowling attack. Nothing much of note to report here, except that Smith managed to gift his wicket by letting a wide one pass his bat but at the same time lifting his back leg as if he were a dim  Labrador marking his territory, giving the keeper plenty of time to whip off the bails whilst his foot was still airborn.

To look on the positives, I should add that this woeful batting display followed an impressive bowling display by Wick in the first innings. Sayce managed 14 overs up the hill and gave away only 24 runs and picking up 2 wickets in the process. Chris Wood from Up North (not New Zealand, Charlie) impressed with a very tidy opening spell, Dan Kemp also bowled well during his 9 overs while never looking entirely comfortable coming down the hill  - sometimes it is easy to lose the important “gather” when coming down the hill and  a spell up the hill will, I am sure, help to get his balance right. Rifat chipped in with a handy two wickets and Smith trundled down the slope to some effect, picking up 4 scalps.

Dismissing Purley for 138 evidenced the bowling skills on show but dropping 4 or 5 catches may have been the main reason for the loss.

So there we have a non contentious match report with absolutely no offence caused to any party. It can clearly be done which means that we should all look forward to more match reports penned by our hard working skippers.

Player of the Week - Week 6

1xi vs Oxted & Limpsfield

A bizarre match. After being bowled out for 56 with a poor batting display Nomaan Ali 5-10 and Fahad Tanveer 4-15 demolished the Oxted batting as The Wick staged a great recovery to win by 5 runs. Mention should also go to Stan Kearney for 3 excellent catches behind the stumps and the captaincy of Graeme Tong with his astute bowling changes. MOM Nomaan Ali

2xi vs Horsley & Send

Joe Hirsch scored a very good 76 with good support from Muhammed Imran Arif (45) in a total of 221 as the team just failed to win taking 9 wickets which were spread amongst 5 bowlers. MOM Joe Hirsch

3xi v Purley

Graham Smith with 4-27 helped restrict Purley to 136 all out. However The Wick fell 21 runs short to suffer their first league defeat of the season as only Mark Mackie and Iqbal Hossain Rifat both with 31 built any sort of innings. MOM Graham Smith

4xi vs Spencer

Paddy McMullan with 4-91 and Tommy Donnelly with 3-49 helped a weak 4xi to restrict Spencer to 201. The 4xi still seek their first win as they were bowled out for 110. MOM Paddy McMullan

POTW – Joe Hirsch  many congratulations

3xi vs Leatherhead - Match Report by Wickman

Wick 3s Win Again on Another Swampy Wicket

Scorecard

Friday was the sort of Summer’s day that cricket was designed to fill. Warm, with a breeze and clouds drifting across the sky. But of course it was Friday. Over Friday night it would rain buckets. And then on Saturday morning, as England faced down the Haka and indeed the All Blacks, the heavens opened and deposited half an inch of rain across Surrey. No doubt many rain cards were played on Friday night. Certainly Ched did. Maybe even a whole pack of 52.

Wickman’s mobile phone remained strangely free of cancellation texts though. Had Saycey lost his phone? Had the storm knocked out communications across the region? Had Saycey been washed away in a mudslide while inspecting the pitch?

With one eye on the weather forecast the pitch had been deemed playable – but only in the future. Ie if we could get to 2pm without any more rain there was a chance that a reduced overs game would be played. As we are now in timed territory, the overs allocation would be 47 max, 37 max. The sun came out. A light breeze described as a “zephyr” by Grazza whispered up from nowhere. Amazing conditions given what had happened before.

Sayce lost the toss and the 3s would bat. While this was not what we hoped for… batting second gives you control of the result in a timed game - countless match reports on this blog will tell you it is not easier to bat as time goes on on Kingsfield. Back in the 1950 and 60s some of the finest ever test matches were resolved on uncovered pitches. For the likes of Derek Underwood it was not the wet wicket that he enjoyed, but the wicket that was getting heat into it and drying. That creates turn and uneven bounce. This wicket was drying from the top of the slope down the hill almost in front of our eyes. But like every game this season so far, the track was still damp when we started. Later our spinners would enjoy conditions. But more of that in a bit.

The skipper declared that we would bat 42 and declare. The Wick have seemingly become dodgy track specialists this year, getting off to slow starts and then dogging it out. With the addition of Hirsch to the opening partnership we hoped for a faster start. However after 10 and 20 overs we were where we had been in previous weeks. 2ish an over and with work to do. Joe had been horribly dropped when he flicked a ball to square leg on zero and one of our opening pair was also put down at first slip. But having survived these scares, Hirschy looked the more fluent of the two early on and hit some boundaries, but Sayce seemed determined to cash in however long it took.

For Leatherhead Robinson was the stand out performer with the ball. Each week we are coming up against someone who can tie up an end and today he managed it beautifully and was principally responsible for tieing the Wick down. He bowled 11 overs for 13 runs and never looked like conceding a boundary.

Eventually Imran and Ejaz showed up – in time for Ejaz to replace Hirschy when he missed one that moved off the deck. Ejaz hits the ball hard and doesn’t mess about. He injected some urgency into the Wick innings and as Sayce unfurled his attacking strokes the rate crept up to just over 2 by drinks – 65-1. The introduction of spin to proceedings impressed Ejaz who uncomplicatedly hit a couple of big sixes and – if timing on this track was still not easy – got on with it. As both bats looked to press on Sayce was egregiously dropped and run outs were missed as Clark, deputed to come in next, donned and removed his batting gloves as many as four times in two overs.

Eventually Ejaz was removed by Higgs and Clark was told to get on with it, taking the skipper at his word, eschewing any defence and playing in a rather cavalier fashion after previous weeks. A couple of boundaries and some scampered 1s and 2s later first Sayce was dismissed skying one for a well deserved 62 and Clark followed in identical fashion almost immediately caught by the same fielder. Imran had a go at moving things on. Tom Symmo and Rob Ritchie formed an unlikely death partnership where the words “well run” were never likely to be used. Try as we might we couldn’t quite set them four an over though and the skipper called the boys in at 166, leaving the oppo 42 to get them.

In the field Leatherhead were excellent on the ground, some of their boundary fielders saving certain boundaries – one even palming back a six into play to save five runs, another sprinting 40 yards and scooping a ball up one handed to save another three… top stuff. However the three chances they grassed… well…. They win matches, those catches.

Tea. Er. There was something new but it didn’t make that much of an impression obviously. 6. Dave on mid-season form. Next week he won’t be there for the first time in living memory and Keith (Lorraine obvs) is doing the teas. How cross is Wickman that he can’t be there? Dear oh dear.

So – to the field. The wicket was now certainly drying out and would be very difficult to bat on. Something that we think had eluded the oppo skipper when he sent us in. Ched initially had real trouble working with the footholds down the hill and bowled like a drain. The skipper bowling up the hill found a spot a couple of times where the ball leapt like a salmon trying to get up river to get laid. As Smith wisely said as one ball almost decapitated their best bat “that’s the ball that won the match”.

Wickman’s not entirely sure which ball it was that did win the match. But Saycey bowled one of the openers off an inside edge and then pinned the number three in front in the same over. Kemp Jr then bowled an away swinger which bit and clipped the glove as it went through. Sydney took a fine juggled catch at first slip, finally controlling the ball behind him and to his left inches from the turf.

For a time opener Walters and skipper Robinson formed a useful partnership. Walters drove particularly well and with power, Robinson cut and drove the ball with power and grim determination. You could just about see these two taking the game to the Wick. But the pitch would almost certainly come into it somewhere and we were soon to see its teeth.

Alex Dare was introduced and from the off was extracting very significant turn – perhaps as much as a foot of deviation as the pitch became the sort of minefield that it can in these circumstances. He bowled into a very rough area where the oppo bats had failed to garden and eventually one spat enough to bowl Walters. Soonish the number 6 paddled Alex to Rob Ritchie who pulled off a stunning one handed catch behind square on the 45. Next ball the Surrey Vets player on their side bottom edged Dare into his stumps and it was now, we felt, all up to the oppo skipper.

Imran had been introduced from the bottom end to bowl legspin. His first ball dipped and span and it looked like we had a real find. Some of the other balls in his first over were not of the same quality and perhaps we were not quite so excited. But as he found some consistency it was clear that bowling together he and Daro would wrap things up. They did – a stumping and a variety of catches doing the job.

Credit to Leatherhead – they’ve had a tough time getting a side out this year to date but they very much decided that they would chase the score until they could no more – and, refreshingly – the Wick won the game with overs to spare and few alarms. Their bowling and fielding performance was accomplished bar the catches they put down – on another day they might have dismissed us for fewer.

MOM is a difficult one. Wickman notes that the Captain has modestly mentioned Dare’s four for in dispatches. He must have wrestled hard with himself because his knock was the stand out batting display of the day. On balance though Daro bowled beautifully, flighting it and only bowling a dart from time to time for variation. We were all delighted to see him take a wicket with his leg break, non more so than Clark behind the stumps who benefited with a neat stumping late in the innings.

All good. This win took the 3s to a challenging position in the table. Events the following week, not yet described here, will show whether that’s an illusion…

Player of the Week - Week 5

1xi vs Guildford City

Nomaan Ali scored another 50 whilst Zammack Tughral took 5 wickets. Zammack together with last man, injured Shaz Ahmed batted out the last 18 overs to secure a draw. MOM Zammack Tughral

 2xi vs Guildford City

Abandoned. 

3xi vs Leatherhead

Skipper Paul Sayce led from the front with 62.supported by 34 from Ejaz Aamir. However with only 42 overs available to get a positive result for The Wick, Alex Dare with 4-36 won the game removing the middle order of the Leatherhead team. Alex was well supported by Muhammad Imran Arif with 3 wickets. MOM Alex Dare

4xi v Dulwich

Tommy Donnelly took 5-64 as the batting again let down the 4^th X1. MOM Tommy Donnelly

POTW – Alex Dare Congratulations

What International Cricket Teaches Us

If you went to a minor public school in the 1980s there was a Master, or series of Masters, who were responsible for your upbringing and coaching in cricket. Some were good, some average, some poor communicators. But all had a passion for the game. Some were even luckier and had outside coaches too. Clarky remembers being coached by the late Graham Roope – a former England batsman for example. You may ask him what good he did having seen Clark bat, but the fact remains.

In that environment the spirit of cricket – as yet undefined and poured over in the way that this is today – was taught by example. Clark recalls feathering one behind aged 11 and being given not out. He stood his ground because he didn’t know what to do. In the tea interval he enquired of the umpire, also his form Master, what to do. Without malice, he simply said, “If you know you have hit it, you should walk”. No lecture. So that stuck.

The following year Clark was part of an opening partnership against a local prep school where his partner scored a dashing 50 and he himself made his career high score to that point of 65*. When the opening partnership had reached 100+, the opposition skipper (all of 11 or 12 years old) was moved to Mankad (we didn’t know it as such then) the other opener. He was bang to rights, backing up far too far.

As was the way in those days, the oppo School’s teacher was umpiring. He declined the appeal. To everyone’s embarrassment and the oppo skipper’s shame, he was immediately taken aside and given a lecture in a stage whisper that “we don’t do THAT”. So that stuck.

On another occasion a catch was claimed but the fielding Captain determined that he was not sure it had carried. He called back the batsman. To much praise. On another occasion still Clarky recalls having to run round a fielder to complete a quick single and was run out. This time he was advised to run into the fielder if he felt he was being impeded to give the umpire an option to reprieve him. As it stood he had to go.  And again it was made very plain that if there was a hint of a chance you had touched the rope or whatever the boundary was – it was four or six. These things… and many more… stuck.

And so Clark learned the game. You might argue that a minor public school in the 1980s is as far removed from real life as it can get. But that was where he learned the spirit of cricket. And it was formative. In later years, at school, at University, in Club Cricket and all along from television and radio, his education continued. In one game Clark found himself alongside a slip who enjoyed clicking his fingers every time the ball passed the bat. That was stamped on. Despite perhaps having picked up some boorish habits and greater excitability over the years, those core values remain. That was how the game was supposed to be played. Yes there were laws, but some, we reasoned, were meant to be ignored.

But most of those lessons have and are being challenged now on a daily basis. In International cricket, the pinnacle of the game, you will now observe the following:

1.       Batsmen should not walk if they edge it. Let the umpire decide. We see it a couple of times a season now in Club Cricket and in international cricket the exception – the walkers – are often derided by fellow professionals. Beginning to take hold in club cricket. Seen it in a 4xi game FFS!

2.       Batsmen should not take the fielder’s word. Stand your ground. Very common indeed. And with good reason – there are numerous cases where fielders have got it wrong. Becoming more prevalent in club cricket.

3.       Fielders don’t have to call boundaries against themselves any more. The cameras and third umpire will decide. The club cricket equivalent? Some bloke with a dog, or the baying oppo bats.

4.       Mankadding is within the law and – although this is not strictly necessary – if you have warned a batsman you can do it with impunity. Haven't seen this in the Club game at all. Really hope we don't.

5.       Fielding Captains no longer need call people back. Hmmm... once or twice.

6.       If you are out of reviews and you middle one into your pad – you are just unlucky if the umpire gives you out. There’s no reason why anyone on the fielding side who might have seen you do it has to fess up. And so it goes on. Have NEVER seen a Captain call someone back in these circumstances in Club cricket.

7.       If someone is capable of holding a bat you can do what you want to them. Remember the days when Nine, Ten, Jack were part of "bowler's union"? No more. 

8.       Sledging is part of the game. Middlesex League anyone? 

9.       Confront umpires if you wish. Leave it to the match officials to determine if you have transgressed. Unedifying spectacles occurring more and more.

Ultimately we are being encouraged to abdicate responsibility as individuals for how the game is played. As batsman we leave it to the umpire. As fielders we leave it to our Captain. As Captains we can let the umpire make a decision. As cricket administrators we can point to a higher authority. And so it goes on.

The Twitter storm that has erupted around yesterday’s Mankad incident, or Broad’s decision to stand in the Ashes has drawn the battle lines. On the one side, the “get over it, move on” brigade, on the other those decrying the lack of spirit.

Wickman believes that cricket is all the better for personal responsibility. And more controversial for the lack of it. It is a reflection of human nature. Some will use the rules and laws to gain advantage, others will prefer to play the game in a way that is all the sweeter if they can win without compromising their personal values, others still will simply cheat.

The question then is – in this age of abdicating responsibility – what do the law makers need to decide? Tighten things up to watertight and sit back, or watch as a new generation believe that all these things are the modern face of cricket and we just move on.

It will be interesting to see, over the next couple of weeks, how many Mankads there are. Wickman’s bet is that, having not seen one since the days of Hibby’s exaggerated jog through the crease on backing up (goodness that used to annoy the oppo), there will be a spate of bowlers warning batsmen. Let’s hope they don’t take the bails off and place the umpires and fielding Captains on the horns of a dilemma.

Grazza's Sunday Match Report

Sunday match report  v Phoenix CC  by Smith, G

Having read a smattering of Saturday League match reports and having listened patiently  on the balcony to the post league match tales of derring-do, questionable decisions and general bullshit that abounds on such occasions, this correspondent can happily report that the Hampton Wick Sunday XI has been busy pottering away without fuss and has so far achieved a 3 out of 4 win record.

Team selection has been tricky however - not for the captain I hasten to add because with malice aforethought, he has delegated the task of assembling players to a captain of the future - Ed Charlton.

The last three weeks have seen Ed with just 6 or 7 players by Thursday night and he has done sterling work in cobbling together a side mainly by ingratiating himself with the various mothers of the talented Under 15 colts group. Just how Ed has managed to ingratiate himself with anyone with 20/20 vision, or even a pulse, has certainly surprised me, but ingratiate himself he has.

I imagine that the mums must treat him in the same way that you and I would treat afleabitten puppy, smelling faintly of wee,that keeps dropping a saliva covered tennis ball at your feet ie with definite distaste but also with compassion.

The first Sunday in June saw Phoenix CC come to the Wick bringing a friendly but competitive group of players including – two top notch opening bowlers, one of whom was a  seriously quick Sri Lankan who has played 1st class cricket and who, I am fairly sure,  appeared at the Wick last year but for a different team.

The Wick side included no less than five of the previously mentioned under 15 group and what a great bunch they were. They had all arrived on time despite coming straight from an age group match against the Old Ruts.  I understand from the lads that had the Old Ruts match gone the full distance, they would never had made the start of our game and so, selflessly, they all batted like only a Wick team can bat and got rolled over sharpish.

I do not intend (ie can’t be arsed) to give a blow by blow account of the match, but I will summarise the highlights for your delectation:

• Under 15s Gus  and Sam bowled highly disciplined lines and lengths and deservedly picked up 3 or 4 wickets between them – Sam got the lion’s share but both deserve equal praise
• The other three Under 15s acquitted themselves well in the field, despite having played a game in the morning. Fin Cotter kept wicket to his usual high standard whilst Matt and Zino whizzed around in the outfield and made even Rob Ritchie look leaden footed.    
• Bendall enjoyed his first bowl of the summer and caused problems for both the opening bats (who were both very decent players)
• All enjoyed the Sri Lankan quicker roughing up Charlton with a brutal short ball into the ribs
• All enjoyed the look of utter terror on the faces of our under 15 contingent as they contemplated having to face a bowler hurling down the cherry at serious pace.  
• I enjoyed watching one of the Under 15s  using his nose as an everlasting mid-faced snack dispenser
• All enjoyed an impressive and match winning 85 not out from Joe Hirsch who looks certain to fulfil his potential this summer [Joe absolutely smashed a six onto the "other" balcony scattering a group of spectators and almost spilling Wickman's pint - top knock too - Ed]
• All of the oppo enjoyed the red mist that enveloped  Rifat as he totally ignored the urgent and insistent instructions of his skipper  NOT to try hurling down the stumps.

Right chaps, Bushy Park league games start next week and if anyone feels  that they  need a bit of extra time in the middle then don’t be shy when that text from Ed hits your mobile.

There are many, many  benefits of playing a competitive but friendly weekend game,  but I think that the main benefit of playing a Sunday game is that you will almost certainly not have to share the pitch with Clarky; this is  because his ageing carcass cannot possibly stretch to two days of cricket in a row. ‘That’s harsh!’,  I hear you cry. Well maybe so, but then you have probably not had to spend half of Saturday afternoon marooned next to him at 1^st slip, hearing him spout volubly and at length, on the KP affair as well as being forced to listen to him haranguing his teammates with some intolerable nicknames which he gleefully dispenses like an excited and hectoring fourth former at a very minor public school (‘Grazza’-  well, honestly!) [Actually Grazza, many, many people have - Ed]

So if you do fancy a Sunday game, I can safely say that Clark-free Sundays are almost guaranteed.

Having said that, during the recent Sunday match, my day was very nearly ruined, for, as I was busily watching our brave lads fend off the Sri Lankan quickie, I spied to my dismay, Clarky venturing clubwards from the West with his faithful canine. However, I can happily report that the low wooden fence proved to be a sufficient barrier to Clarky’s progress and he headed homewards, having failed once again to get his leg over.

Dogged Wick 3s Defend 150 for the Second Time

Almost as damp as Chessington's track... 

Chessington 3xi vs HWRCC

Wick won the toss and batted

Wick 150 all out Kemp 68, Clark 37

Chessington 85 all out Prawn 3 for

Sayce, Clark, Symock, Sayce, Kemp, Arbane, Ritchie, Kemp, Ched, VanVuren, Smith

Scorecard

Table

Another effective win by the Wick 3^rdxi leaves them unbeaten this season – but due to the weather only two wins count towards this season’s campaign. A horrible but effective batting performance laid the base for an extra-ordinary first 25 overs in the field which were too hot for Chessington.

The 3xi is now run by a cabal of Welsh druids or something. During the week – with recourse only to lay lines, runes and ancient wisdom (Mr Sayce senior) it was decided that the Wick would bat first if the toss was won. Clarky expressed surprise at this sentiment as he sank his car key up to the hilt into a boggy side to side sloping pitch. We can only thank Chessington for getting us a game but the outfield was unmown, the boundary unlined and the surroundings unlovely. Their 1s pitch behind a hedge looked super. Picturesque this wasn’t. The 3s have use of one sight screen. Luckily at the other end a gap in the hedge behind the bowler’s are meant visibility wasn’t too poor...

Saycey called correctly and asked for first use of the pitch. The high fives from Chessington seemed to suggest that they agreed with Clark. And you could see why 30 minutes later as Clark and Sayce groped and fumbled like drunken lotharios returning home to frigid wives on a Saturday night. If they were sound in defence the slow, slow pitch did not allow for timing. An erratic opening spell by Angliss donated perhaps an over or more worth of wides either side of the wicket and kept the batsmen guessing. From the other end the spectacularly named Wisden bowled beautifully – his wheeling style producing the ball on the spot time after time and occasionally combining away swing with nipbackability from the aforementioned slope. It was decided to see off Wisden because, on the day, he was too good.

There were few scoring strokes. So much so that it is questionable whether our old friend E X Tras was the major contributor to the first wicket partnership of 28. Sayce, so correct in defence, could not get off the blob until almost committing Hari Kari to finally do so. Clark’s timing was poor. Eventually Sayce was undone by the first change left arm over of McElligott. The youngster effectively bowled fast leg cutters and sneaked one round or under Saycey’s legs. A hard fought 1.

Tom Symcock replaced Saycey and was urged to get on with it by a gobby fielder who pronounced himself bored… but found the going tough too. He was bowled by one that nipped back from the excellent Wisden. Another Sayce replaced him and kept Clark company while the latter tried to get on with it, reasoning that eventually the pitch would get him so he might as well play some shots. When McElligott overpitched Clark drove him down the ground twice and began to look more comfortable as a loopy spinner was introduced, pulling him to the midwicket boundary and beginning to ease the ball down the ground.

But with the hard work done in the over before drinks a bowling change saw off Clark for 37 (from 74 balls… the same number give or take that Jos Butler used to score 120ish at the same time at Lords) an away swinger completely deceiving him and clattering into the off stump. 60-3 at drinks on a stinker. Kempy Sr strode out and together he and Sayce Jr started to build on the fragile platform built by Clark’s perspiration. Proceeding in 1s and 2s they moved the score on to 80 before an emboldened Sayce was probably caught just inside the boundary from the offy. With no lines or rope no one could be sure, even the fielder.

Joined by Rob Ritchie, Sam then played the match defining innings. Together the two of them put on 53. Rob’s share was 8 and Kempy began to open up – mostly along the floor but with a couple of bigger shots, one palmed over the same “boundary” as Sayce Jr had been caught on. 120 had looked completely defendable but all of a sudden we could dream of more as, before Rob fell inevitably playing a big shot to a straight one, perhaps 170 could even have been on the cards. Kempy reached 50 and moved up a gear before unfortunately pulling a hammy. The rest of the innings did not produce a runglut as Kemp Jr and Zino both perished for ducks and Ched, Schalk and Graham didn’t manage much more. But 150 was a very good score on a very difficult track and Sam’s knock a class apart. Chessington were rather more pleased with their performance than this correspondent thought they should be. They bowled tightly but in a low scoring game the spinner went at 4s and one change bowler at 7s and the outfielding was a bit ragged in the last 10. Wisden’s figures were outstanding, 10-5-9-1.

Tea was well below average – perhaps a 4. Someone should have been arrested or at least cautioned. Nothing to recommend it at all. A slice of melon is a pleasant starter with some Italian ham but, on its own, as an accompaniment to unexciting sandwiches? There were some frankly gruesome looking chicken nuggets. There was a pasta salad but... Meh. Clarky was not in good humour at this point taking no pleasure at all. Less so because with Sam hamstrung he was deputed to don the gauntlets of iron.

The Wick fielding effort was as spectacular as Wickman can remember in a 3s game. Despite some pretty unathletic looking coves in the field the boys absolutely nailed the first 6 overs. Prawnie was at his absolute best, bowling full and straight and removing the #1 in the third over before first Saycey and then Dan Kemp produced stops and throws which ran out numbers 2 and 3 who were attempting ambitious second runs. Sayce managed to get the ball approximately in Clark’s direction (leaving him rather a lot to do *cough*) while Dan’s throw was pinpoint accurate on the bounce. Number 2 looked a bit useful in his brief stay but threw his wicket away with an abysmal call. Which was handy considering he had a lot to say in the field earlier. You can’t win it from the pavilion lad.

Chessington were in a complete mess at 13-3. The change bowlers, first Kemp Jr and then Ched, gave no relief. Dan found a nagging line and length and was good enough to find the edge of the last really threatening looking bat, caught at slip by his Dad with a good grab going forward. Meanwhile Clark stood up to all the bowlers bar Prawn and Ched to put as much pressure on the oppo as possible and keep them in their crease, something that Chessington had not done.

Rob Ritchie surprised even himself by clinging on to a blinder at mid off, taking a rising ball two handed above his head as everyone else expected to see it two bounces and into the fence. And then the first and only real blemish as Ed convinced the oppo skipper to edge one to Kempy’s left – but he was unable to cling onto a sharp chance. The skipper taunted us with the old chestnut that catches win matches. The cordon seethed quietly and called him uncharitable things at a volume which was discrete enough for him not to hear.

Not to matter as in Ed’s next over the same bat wafted at another, edged again and this time Clarky’s matrix skills were in evidence as he plucked it one handed low and away to his left. Catches do indeed win matches. There was little to do from here on in except winkle out the last three. Two young left handers basilled around for a few overs, but their’s was a tenuous partnership full of plays and misses, if no little spirit. Eventually one patted Smith to Sayce Jr at mid off and the last two lost various stumps to The Prawn and Ed leaving the youngster McElligott marooned on Chessington’s top individual contribution of 13.

Of the bowlers Prawn’s first spell of seven overs was very good indeed, perfect for the conditions and he was unlucky not to get a couple of LBW decisions to go with the ones that hit the stumps. Sayce Sr was nagging as usual but the lack of pace in the pitch reduced his potency slightly this week. Dan’s lines were exemplary. Ched bowled far too short to start with, but once he found his rhythm he was the quickest on either side by a distance and certainly induced discomfort in all the batsmen. Smithy was as Smithy is – naggingly accurate and hurrying through giving little away.

Kempy’s innings was match defining. Only seven batsmen made double figures in the match, the third highest score of those was 13. Four Wick batsmen made ducks. 68 was almost as much as the 71 that Chessington collectively scored off the bat. Make no mistake, this was a fine innings in the circumstances (even if Smith questioned its pulchritude) vindicating the cabal of Welsh druids and / or soothsaycers who had determined the “bat first” strategy.

In the changing room there was talk of liniment, embrocations, soothing compresses and deep muscle massage as Smith, Kemp Sr and Clark in particular felt the downside of experience… increasing muscular degeneration – but that feeling of complete satisfaction at a job well done dulled the pain for a while until they could reach the safety of the Wick to begin the post-mortem.

The game was played in passable, if not hysterical, humour. All agreed that Kemp’s batting was the stand out performance. MOM. The Wick now lie third in the table despite having only completed two games, six points adrift of joint leaders Walton and Working & Horsell. We will look forward to meeting Chessington again later in the season. Perhaps they could bring their sightscreen. It's one more than we've got.