Tim Bresnan - Get Him Down The Wick?

Well obviously you would get Tim Bresnan down the Wick if he was thinking about playing Surrey Champ cricket. He'd probably get a bowl and he'd bat 7 for the 1s. Well, some weeks anyway. Probably he'd be lower down some times. The issues would probably be replicating his salary which is a bit outside our budget and he'd want some Northern beer on tap rather than Pride. Wickman thinks there are some passable Ales from up that way and it would be some company for Riley.

So why has he only played 14 games of Test cricket? Surely if he's good enough for the Wick he's good enough for England?

Wickman can't quite understand what it is about Bresnan which seems to divide opinion. But he thinks it's because he looks like a cart horse in the mould of Matthew Hoggard. This allows journalists to dust off their tired cliches about, well, cart horses, and trudging back to marks and Yorkshire dourness and all the other crud the press comes out with.

What Wickman thinks is that TB just needs a professional makeover and a spin doctor. If he had a quiff like Jimmy Anderson, or lots of floppy Malfoylike locks like Broady or maybe blinged himself up like some of the West Indian bowlers it would get him onto the team sheet every time. A litte bit of work and the Lily Allen brigade would be tweeting about getting him into her corridor of uncertainty in no time. After that would follow marriage to a pop star and endorsements from Mens' grooming product brands.

'Cos he's certainly good enough to play for England almost every time. So it sort of MUST be about image...