Tim Bresnan - Get Him Down The Wick?

Well obviously you would get Tim Bresnan down the Wick if he was thinking about playing Surrey Champ cricket. He'd probably get a bowl and he'd bat 7 for the 1s. Well, some weeks anyway. Probably he'd be lower down some times. The issues would probably be replicating his salary which is a bit outside our budget and he'd want some Northern beer on tap rather than Pride. Wickman thinks there are some passable Ales from up that way and it would be some company for Riley.

So why has he only played 14 games of Test cricket? Surely if he's good enough for the Wick he's good enough for England?

Wickman can't quite understand what it is about Bresnan which seems to divide opinion. But he thinks it's because he looks like a cart horse in the mould of Matthew Hoggard. This allows journalists to dust off their tired cliches about, well, cart horses, and trudging back to marks and Yorkshire dourness and all the other crud the press comes out with.

What Wickman thinks is that TB just needs a professional makeover and a spin doctor. If he had a quiff like Jimmy Anderson, or lots of floppy Malfoylike locks like Broady or maybe blinged himself up like some of the West Indian bowlers it would get him onto the team sheet every time. A litte bit of work and the Lily Allen brigade would be tweeting about getting him into her corridor of uncertainty in no time. After that would follow marriage to a pop star and endorsements from Mens' grooming product brands.

'Cos he's certainly good enough to play for England almost every time. So it sort of MUST be about image...

KP Retires from International Limited Overs Cricket

Ever one for the dramatic gesture, Keven Pietersen has stunned cricket fans around the world by retiring from International One Day cricket. He will continue to be available for Test Cricket (phew) and will play IPL.

What's absolutely screamingly transparent is that this has got nothing to do with retiring from International one dayers per se and everything to do with a break down in negotiations with the ECB. Reading between the lines he no longer wanted to play 50 over cricket but would have happily played International T20s but the ECB took a stand and said he couldn't give up just one form of the game.

So probably England's finest, most innovative, fastest scoring bats in the short forms (only Eoin Morgan can hold a candle) is now lost to us. Will he play left handed in Tests? Use the scoop? Reverse slog? Probably. But we wont get to see the same level of innovation in his cricket in England colours.

You have to sympathise with both sides don't you? The ECB can't move to a model where they have separate teams under contract for each form of the game can they? The cost and bureaucracy would be ludicrous. And making exceptions to the rules... that's enough to make even the most enlightened administrator shudder. And at the same time who gives a monkeys about 50% of ODIs around the world? If you are playing in dead rubbers (the Aussies gave up playing those in Australia a long time ago) it must be absolutely soul destroying. Every chance of getting dropped from the side for a run of poor form, no chance of winning a trophy? Wickman says pah! Which is probably what KP was thinking to having to play in 20 or so of them a year.

Wickman is fervently hoping something can be done. T20s without KP will not be the same...

Who Is Imran?

He's the new 2xi skipper and his team are top of the league. He shares a name with his cricketing hero, but what else should you know about Imran Rashid? Find out here with Wickman's handy guide to Immers...

Name: Imran Rashid
Wicknames: Immy, Immers

1. When did you join the Wick and why? Joined Wick in 2009 found people at Wick very friendly and cooperative especially when someone came from a different country. Never felt that i’m playing away from my home. Just putting playing conditions aside as they are completely different from Pakistan
2. Best knock for the Wick? There are some big scores but I reckon 69 against Oxted and Limpsfield CC when all the big guns failed and I was relatively new in the team. Was judged LBW by Nicholls. Can’t forget. Quite right Immy - you've joined a long list
3. Best bowling? 3 for 3 in 7 overs when we were only defending 122 runs on a good batting strip against Guildford City CC. And won the game!
4. A catch you remember... It was in close at gully, Joe Ewen [who he? Ed] was bowling and he has serious pace. It was slashed hard, I dived to my left and took it inches from the ground
5. What do you do in the Winter? Count days until the summer so I can start playing cricket again...
6. Who's your favourite cricketer? Tell us why... Imran Khan. He is the Legend
7. Who do you admire at the Wick? Why? Bob Sissen. Very kind, generous and compassionate. Is this THE Bob Sissen?
8. Best International cricket moment? Australia vs South Africa ODI when South Africa chased down 435 runs and made a world record. 
9. Favourite DBW tea element? Egg Mayo
10. Wick buddy? Paul Hibberd [who he? Ed]
11. Favourite oppo and why? Kempton CC
12. What one thing do you still want to achieve in cricket? My dream is to play at Lords and the Sydney Cricket Ground
13. Film + Book + Music? Favorite film “Hugo” Musical band “Strings”
14. Favourite Wick moment? When Announced 2xi Captain for 2012 season
15. Favourite crisps? McCoys Flame Grilled Steak

Who IS Wickman?

A question Wickman often gets asked is "Who IS Wickman?" He often looks evasive and suggests it might be Keith. Or Jelly. Or even Clarky. But the truth is stranger than these fictions. Wickman answers this season's 15 questions to give you some insight.

Name: Wickman
Wicknames: Wickman

1. When did you join the Wick and why? 1863. I was living very close to the Wick (in fact i was closest to the Wick) and was personal friends with the De Crespignys. They decided to establish a cricket club and I didn't have anything planned for the Summer.
2. Best knock for the Wick? Was seeing it like an Association Football back on the 1926 Sussex Tour. Sadly bats were not what they are today and I couldn't get the ball off the square. Scored 17 in four hours, all singles
3. Best bowling? Have never been brought on despite sending signals to various Captains. Was almost brought on in 1945 just after the war when we were short of able bodied players
4. A catch you remember... Gatesy's off the last ball against Old Sluts a few years back in the dark. Clarky was keeping and said for the only time in his life he was hoping the bat didn't feather it to him because he couldn't see the ball.
5. What do you do in the Winter? Go through old scorebooks. Polish old balls with beeswax in time for nets. Whiten my pads. Glue the green pimples back onto my batting gloves. Marvellous stuff this Superglue.
6. Who's your favourite cricketer? Tell us why... No doubt about it, Ian Botham. As they say he used to empty the bars at cricket grounds at a time when the rest of the England team were filling them up.
7. Who do you admire at the Wick? Why? Keith. Turned it round from the dark days of the early 2000s.
8. Best International cricket moment? Headingly 1981 on the Monday. Simply unbelievable.
9. Favourite DBW tea element? At the moment it's the fruit slices. Can't get enough of them. Saw them fresh out of the Mr Kipling wrapper before the last game. The moistness was like a Wick deck in April. Superb.
10. Wick buddy? The Rev de Crespigny
11. Favourite oppo and why?
12. What one thing do you still want to achieve in cricket? Would like to see the Wick reach a Premier Division in Surrey. Which team will get there first? The 3s and 4s are a season away from it...
13. Film + Book + Music? Film: Any of the new dangled talkies Book: have you GOT a Kindle? What's all that about? Music: I'm a big fan of Hibby and the Eskimos
14. Favourite Wick moment? Seeing the look on Mickey McMahon's face after some of the younger lads found Frank Henry Bean where I'd hidden him in the score box after we got raddled at his wake...
15. Favourite crisps? My body is a temple

Not Troubling the Scorers

This isn't a name and shame post about the number of ducks on Saturday. So AJ can rest easy. Although Wickman may return to the subject at a later date. Be warned.

Nope. This is a post about the phrase "He didn't trouble the scorers". Which has always struck Wickman as odd. As you will know if you have ever been asked to do the book for a bit while some other git is farming the filthy dobber you just got out to, the best kind of scoring is sticking a dot in the bowling analysis. What could be easier? Ball whistles through to the keeper and you just press the pencil down in the bowling analysis. The only way it could get any less troublesome for the scorers is if it's tea time. Then the scorer is scoffing DBW's finest treats and checking to see if there's any talent sunbathing on the outfield that they couldn't see from the box.

The absolutely last thing the scorer wants to have to do is deal with a wicket. And if the unlucky victim has just failed to register any runs there's a strong argument that they've only just finished dealing with a wicket before you got in and got straight out. When a wicket falls you have to close off the innings, write in the batsman's total (at least you don't have to add much up), write in the time of dismissal. Count the minutes in the innings. Stick in a W. Try to work out which oppo fielder caught it. Write in the fall of wicket total. Who's the not out bat and how many are they on? Write in the number of the bowler and bat in the annoying strip down the bottom which shows what happened in what over. Then work out who the next bat is. And whether or not anyone crossed. etc etc.

So the next time you are trudging back disconsolate from the middle thinking "at least the scorers will be better off without me" think again. In fact rewind. Think about the poor scorer. Instead of trying to thrash the ball into Selvesy's allotment (and probably break his ipad which is all he seems to do down there - wink wink Selvesy - HD is it?) pat it back to the bowler. Repeat...

Guess Who the Zulus Are…

The Wick bowling attack has S&L 9 down but can't make the final breakthrough

HWRCC 4xi vs Staines and Laleham
HWRCC 194-8 (45.5 overs) Clark 79, Miles 46
Staines and Yawnham 89-9 (45 overs)
HWRCC winning draw (4pts) by 105 runs

Zulu is a film that we watch at Easter and other bank holidays. It commemorates the battle of Rourke’s Drift in 1879. It’s a rollicking good watch.

The Brits were trying to take over Southern Africa. No doubt we were pretty keen on diamonds, gold and nice beaches. Quite rightly the local populace were less than impressed.

Thousands of them gathered together at Isandlwana and kicked seven shades of shit out of the Brits and then surrounded a handful of fleeing infantry, engineers and the wounded at a missionary station in Natal. The Brits had guns, officers, a bit of pluck and skills. The oppo – Zulus – had numbers (about 4000), plenty of very sharp looking spears, one or two rifles and the geographical advantage.

11 Victoria Crosses were won at Rourke’s Drift. Wave upon wave of Zulu warriors charged at the station – eventually the Brits fell back in a last ditch stand – and following the fiercest hand to hand combat you can imagine eventually the Zulus decided enough was enough and withdrew. In real life this was because a relief army was on its way. In the film there is singing of songs – Zulu warriors saluting the bravery of their foe, the Brits belting out Men of Harlech.

Today’s game of cricket was a bit like the battle of Rourke’s Drift. It was, like that battle, eventually a draw after waves and waves of Wick pressure were repulsed by S&L. But there the similarity ends. If the S&L mob are handing out Victoria crosses this morning it would be a shame. And the men of the Wick will not be singing songs of praise for their bravery. And Wickman doubts very much that Staines will be returning the favour either.

The Staines skipper had, like the Brits, lost a battle before he got to the Wick – the 3s skipper had taken all his batting. So a rag tag army turned up to Kingsfield, won the toss, decided to bowl (ATS – Clarky would have done the same) and gave up at tea, never chasing the target.

That said, he had bought his best attack with him. Which makes it all the more surprising that Miles and Clark put on 125 for the first wicket, batting authoritatively and accelerating well after they’d seen the shine off. There were a few edges and the odd drop – Clarky was palmed over the boundary for one of his sixes and Miles was put down by a bowler – but this was not a streaky partnership. It was hot out there and they thoroughly demoralised the oppo and ground them into the dust.

The oppo started with some control – four of their five maidens were bowled in the first 8 overs – but once the batsmen got used a pitch that had some skiddy pace in it – they plundered runs at a rate of 5 an over so that by over 30 125 had been amassed. There were some good looking shots out there. A pulled six and a bullet quick off drive from Clarky, late cuts and chunky drives from Miles were the highlights. The perfect platform had been set for those who would follow.

Miles departed a boundary sort of his fifty caught at mid off attempting to find that boundary. Lloydy drove down the wrong line and was bowled. It’s often like that after you’ve sat and watched for 30 overs. Clark eventually perished with the score on 155 from 36. A fightback by S&L at this point snuffed out much acceleration (Edmonds and Usman tried to give it some tap) and we reached 194 from 45.4. There was some muttering about umpiring decisions – but as these are our teammates they are our umpiring decisions…

The pick of the oppo bowlers was opener Cole and Gyves Jr was surprisingly rapid. He’s going to be a handful in a couple of years. Rafiq sprayed it around a bit and picked up a few wickets. Gyves Sr took a couple of wickets when the slog was on.

You know of course, in hindsight, that this was too many runs. Why did the acting skipper of the day bat on this long? S&L came third in this league last year and have regularly put decent scores on. His reasoning was to give them the same number of overs back as they should have been capable of chasing. In the event we probably could have declared after 30 overs and still won the game. Because S&L never really made even a token attempt.

Tea – Wickman has been away a long time and had forgotten DBW’s arts. It was magnificent to be back tasting that special sauce in the egg sandwiches etc. As per there was nothing different and there were no home baked cakes so it’s a very creditable 8 and exactly why Clarky came out of retirement.

The Staines innings was largely an abomination – the hideous mutated offspring of an alien beast, a Chernobylled Zebu and one of those American women who has had too much plastic surgery. Did anyone on their side really believe there was a chance they could chase this? Wickman doubts it. A couple of shots were played in anger, but the leading scorer for S&L was our old friend E X Tras who amassed 38. Which meant that all of S&L’s batsmen together put on a measly 51 from 45 overs. Crap really.

For S&L the Colts Hunt and Gyves look like proper cricketers who in the future will make many runs for S&L - but in the engine room of the S&L reply they were not going to be able to move things on quick enough. Perhaps Rafiq and Carty might have been able to make a go of it, but neither really got in for long enough.

Our bowling was good. Three colts – Jack Smith, James Hoppe and Olly King – between them produced the figures 17-6-25-3 – which was very good indeed. Jack was 5-3-2-1! All bowled with admirable control and did exactly what was asked of them. Phenomenal stuff. Usman bowled 9 overs of interesting looking off spin and took a wicket. Collier too. Splinter and even Clarky took a wicket each. But when a side has decided to shut up shop – which probably happened round about the 10 over mark – balls have to be hitting the stumps to have a chance of taking wickets and not enough of ours were. A couple of stiff chances were put down in the cordon but the standard of the fielding was good.

In such situations tempers fray and there were some fractious moments. The umpires need to be on top of things and look like they know the rules – which wasn’t the case here. A bump ball catch was appallingly adjudicated causing annoyance all round – eventually Wickman thinks the right decision was made – the batsman was reinstated – but that was largely done through negotiation as the umpires conspired together to give the benefit of the doubt, largely on the testimony of the batsman.

Elsewhere one of their bats started complaining about our over rate when the skipper and keeper were mid conference – which earned him a sharp retort about pots and kettles which he didn’t like – before hilariously running himself out the next ball and then, for all the world, looking like he was going to murder Lloydy. Unedifying…

We took wickets regularly but no attacking shots were being played towards the end and it became harder and harder to winkle folk out. One of the oppo played French cricket for his entire innings and got very upset that he was receiving some needle. He celebrated the draw hard at the end. It didn’t feel like anyone should be handing out medals...

Staines went away whining that we had bowled our overs slowly and were in some bad humour because of it. Here are the facts: Staines and Laleham took 3.5 hours to bowl their overs. Due to Clark smashing some of it into the bushes they wasted some time looking for balls certainly. We bowled ours (including three extra overs of extras) in 2.45 hours. 45 minutes faster. Erm – 16.36 overs per hour. Staines and Laleham bowled theirs at 12.85. A bit crap really.

These mutterings aside it was a good game for the Wick. In hindsight we had far too many runs. But we had 45 overs to bowl the oppo out and that should have been enough. To get so agonisingly close was a bit of a bore but a dominant performance should be some comfort. The Zulus didn’t manage to get a victory at Rourke’s Drift despite the Brits being about 8 down on a very dodgy track… No doubt the top Zulu would be saying that they’d had the best of the game too…

MOM Clarky. Runnssss.

Stoke D'Ab 1s vs HWRCC 1xi - Match Report by Matty D

HWRCC 1xi beat Stoke D’Abernon 1xi by 1 wicket (50/50)
Stoke 127 ao, 45 overs.
HWRCC 128-9, 49.3 overs. Stephens 38*

Stoke chose to bat on a track that played dead and low. I probably would have bowled first too, but it was a good toss to lose. Tongy was late so his brother showed him up, working well with Noman to build some pressure that resulted in a drag on to the dangerous opener. The other dangerous opener was then snaffled by Davies at Mid off, again Tong being the bowler, to ensure that the Wick were on top early on. Runs were slow and wickets fell regularly. With the exception of Vish who failed to settle, all bowlers kept things tight. Anything short was easy pickings, but as it was so slow, often anything that was short was such a surprise that the batsmen often popped their shoulder out playing cross batted. Daisy again bowled beautifully without luck and Tongy (G) on arrival saw early success only to fade like a Duracell Bunny only half charged (the effect of too much sun and surf in France the previous week). The final pair put on over 25 to turn a bad 98 into a poor 127ao off about 45 overs. The pitch wasn’t a minefield, you just had to be clever about scoring shots.

Tea was excellent, even Alison gave it a 9. Rice salad, chicken nibbles, sandwiches aplenty, fruit salad. Very good.

The response started serenely enough, until against the run of play (not that things were rollocking along) Tong (I) feathered one behind to start a procession of wickets. Neither Ali nor Raza troubled the scorers much (or at all). Davies joined Day who immediately holed out to the day's most dangerous bowler (22), leaving the score perilous at about 25-3. Davies then saw Rudolph and Byrne pass before he even got off the mark. Naturally he then went as well and we were seriously stuttering against decent medium pace and controlled spin bowling. Runs on the board can make you do funny things.

Vish made a few, as did Tongy, but when they were in the hutch at 80-9 in all honesty it should have been over. Step forward Ben Stephens and Finbar Murray. With some application and patience they nurdled their way along, waiting for the bad balls and running hard. Despite the ground being small, the grass was long and the slow pitch meant it was difficult to reach the boundary. A hill on one side also slowed many a ball that would have gone for a boundary. Fin hit one big six over square, but for the most part it was little nudges to 3rd man and quick singles to vacant cover that kept us in the game. I wasn’t really nervous because we were so far behind it wasn’t worth getting worried. Perhaps I was in the minority.

Daisy told us about a game when his side had chased 260 having been 35-5. Outrageous. Somehow we found ourselves needing to increase the run rate in order to get home, with 4 an over being unprecedented in the conditions. With 5 needed off the last over, Fin got a single (3rd man) and Ben decided he had to hit a boundary. So the story goes ‘I decided I was going to hit him over his head and I swung but it was shorter that I initially thought. I just kept going with it and it arced round to square but it came off the middle.’ It sure did. One bounce four and we had won with 3 balls to spare. Stoke were understandably down, us the opposite.

Experience - you can’t buy it. Youth - you can’t buy it.

MOM – Ben Stephens. Hero.

Wickman Stops Gulping as Cooky and Bell Bring it Home

The trouble with writing a blog and making bold predictions about stuff is that you can get it wrong as often as you get it right.

Wickman had slated the West Indies on this blog last week and said he probably wouldn't bother much with the First Test. In the final analysis he was probably right, but West Indies were competitive in this game and almost pulled off a surprise. So was Wickman worried about getting egg on his face (unlike the teas at Egham?)

Not really. Wickman believes that only the pitch kept WI in the game.

On day 1 they scored slowly in terrible overhead conditions and were nine down by the close. A Strauss ton in similar conditions on the Friday (Wickman thinks Splinter got frostbite in the stands) and a ground out lead looked to have sewn up the game. But some casual batting on the Saturday and a big partnership by Chanders and Samuels really piled the pressure back on. And late last night with England two down and a big appeal for LB against a lucky Trotty only going against him because Aleem Dar is a brilliant umpire English hearts were in mouths. But today England almost cantered to victory.

The reason Wickman isn't hopeful for the WI in the series is that Lords has become an Administrator's paradise. England very rarely win here in three days and only seldom early on the fourth because the pitch has started to level out from days 2 to 4 so that bigger scores are made in 3rd innings than you would otherwise imagine. Teams, including England, have begun to be able to fight back from average first innings trots and get back into games. And the fifth day pitch does not break up like Test pitches of old. So its easier, Wickman would argue, to stay in the game for longer.

This looked closer than it was because WI managed to hang in yesterday until the ultimate test awaited Strauss, Cooky, Jimmy A and then Trotty. Massively bad overhead conditios, dodgy artificial light and a new ball being slung down at 90mph in the gloom. Once they got back this morning and settled in you couldn't see WI bowling them out without a decent spinner in the side.

Perhaps all you can say about what West Indies have acheived here is that, like in the recent series against the Aussies, they didn't fold completely at any point in this game. Which is probably good for their future. Players are learning to bat longer (Sammy aside) and to sell themselves a bit more dearly. But will they be able to compete on a spicy track? Hmmmm.

Kempton CC 4xi vs Hampton Wick Royal CC 4xi
Kempton won the toss
HWRCC 175 all out in 39.2 (McMullen 44, Clark 36 – Smith 5-46)
Kempton 168 all out in 49.4 (Osbourn 56, R Inger 30, E X Tras 29!!! - McMullen 5-24)
HWRCC wins by 7 runs

Selves*, Holland+, Miles, Edmonds, Clark, Mcmullan, Mohit, Lown, Linter, Laight, Unsworth

McMullen Clinches Win as Others Clench

Back in the day Wickman had a job in an organization that specialised in working with British Industry to determine whether products were, as they say in the world of business, fit for purpose. People there spent years in committees determining how to describe what various widgets were for and how they should be made. It was mind numbing stuff. One committee had been meeting twice a year and working in between for 20 years and still had not been able to come up with a definition for what a mountain bike actually was. If you think about it hard enough, they said to Wickman, you’ll realise how difficult it actually is.

Wickman sympathised and hoped journalists would never call to ask why it was taking so long as he wondered whether they would share the committee’s bepuzzlement. On balance he felt not. There was however one part of the organization which seemed like great fun to part of. Here, on a trading estate North of London, a team of engineers systematically beat the cr*p out of things to work out when they broke. This was to determine whether they would do their job when in situ. Wickman watched as sleds containing dummies were crashed into walls, things were fired at other things and weights were dropped on helmets for example. Scrupulous notes were taken etc etc.

Yesterday was such a stress test for the Wick’s fourth eleven – the place, apart from the 1xi, where the experienced eye lingers to determine strength and depth of a club’s resources. Test conditions were not ideal. Kempton’s second pitch is next to Sunbury’s most leafy avenue and is football pitch shaped with short boundaries to left and right and a longish slog to the straight ones.

As last week Clarky’s car key sank into the depths of the strip immediately. It was stodgy. More worryingly for nervous batsmen, all over the square, which seemed to be hewn from a football pitch, there were strange plants growing. It looked like some of the growing beasties from the Invasion of the Body Snatchers were competing for space and light with a plethora of Audrey II’s from Little Shop of Horrors. Some of these were round about a good length. Like Lords it sloped from one side of the track to the other. Viewed from one angle, with the back of Kempton Park’s grandstand in the background you could almost convince yourself… no – it was a rotten looking deck which would claim victims in equal measure later in the match.

Unlike last week the toss was lost and this week the Wick would be asked to set a target. Whilst last week the batting looked thinner than Clarky’s hair on top, this week there was some depth to it and this would prove crucial. In the opening exchanges Phil Miles looked busy but he would perish early to Osborn bowled and before Clarky could get his bearings, Charles was done by one that moved a mile off the pitch. VERY unlucky. Selvesy joined and like last week he and Clarky attempted to steady the ship. Unfortunately before too long Selvesy top edged a sweep and spooned one up to the man on the 45. 20-3. Dutchy – who looked just short of a million dollars – arrived in the middle and boshed it around a bit before calling a second to a mis-field and finding himself just short of his ground.

And so the Wick was deep in the mire with 34 on the board and four men back in the hutch. Kirky came out and played extremely straight and extremely sensibly before blazing a series of cuts and late cuts to the boundary, looking like a club version of David Gower.

Clarky, still circumspect as last week, was though finding the middle of the bat this week and combined cautious defence of the straight stuff with some attacking blows. A savage clubbed four down the ground came right out of the middle like a rocket and almost killed Lownsy (umpiring) and Kirky (non-striker) before whistling to the boundary and immediately necessitating fundamental field changes. From last week where the ring around him was tighter than the proverbial gnat’s rear end, this week he was offered singles down the ground to longs off and on which he took gratefully. Just as he was beginning to look good – an enormous maximum off a bouncer clubbed into Sunbury’s premier residential street and someone’s front garden, clearing on the way impressively tall horse chestnuts - he was undone by drinks and not the ones he had had the night before.

Having seen off with Kirky one of the openers, Inwood, he became frustrated by his inability to smear away the filthy looseners from the new bowler after the break and patted a full toss to cover on the boundary. A tame end to an innings which was promising more and a partnership which had put on 45. And once again the Wick was on the knife edge. With such a small ground we needed to kick on and get some runs because despite our bowling attack we would need some to defend. At this point we had only 79 which was not enough.

Kirky too perished as drinks brought not one but two. Mohit – who likes to mow hit as we know from Matty D – then did just that and entertained with a very brisk and boundary-laden 19 before running himself out. He was partnered by Paddy McM who first quietly and then explosively tore into the change bowlers pulling anything short over the short boundary for six. He rattled along, belieing his age and the pitch to a swashbuckling 44 before unfortunately holing out to mid on.

Smith for the oppo who filthily removed Clarky, was flourishing now as the lower order bats started to whirl like dervishes and would pick up five. You can’t argue with the book but we think he will bowl better without quite reaching the same juggy heights. Unsworth played very well from 9 and scored an entertaining 20 something. Splints picked out long off Inwood, who was extremely surprised to pouch another having just got rid of Paddy at long on, and there remained only time for Lown to get off the mark with a boundary (ATS) before Runsworth got the double brackets to end our knock.

At the break between the innings 176 felt like enough. But the relative brevity of our innings – we failed to fully utilise the 40th over – left Kempton 51 overs to reply. You can look at it two ways. We probably wouldn’t have declared at 40 although Wickman did not quiz the skipper on this and by chucking away a few wickets almost certainly unwittingly created a game of it. Our innings was dominated by Paddy’s knock and without it would have been too brief and insubstantial. Only a herculanean performance with the ball by a bowler would deny him the MOM Wickman ruminated on the way to tea. That so many lower order bats chipped in spoke volumes for the resilience in the side and passed the stress test mentioned earlier. On another day we might have struggled to amass 120 with half the side gone. As it was the last four wickets produced almost 100 runs. Well played.

And so to tea. Kempton teas have been described before most mouth wateringly by Sir Matthew of D after a 1s visit and Wickman’s saliva was already washing like the tide over coastal rocks around his teeth before he saw it. Good pasta smells tickled his nostrils along with the tang of garlic bread. Sandwiches were cut both on the angle and into fingers and were prepared with fresh bread. One of the sandwiches surprised and delighted - where Wickman had anticipated egg, coronation chicken was discovered to much jubilation (geddit?).

There were cakey things including coconutty marshmallowy numbers. Here was a tea in which its creator had demonstrated pride and skill. We liked it and lingered long at it like weary travellers at a wayside inn after a long day on the road. As ever there were quibbles - the tea, good, strong was served in thin plastic mugs with a message about recycling on them which failed to hold the brew at temperature and slightly irritated too. The lack of a homemade cake taken with this minor muggy blemish takes us down to an 8.5. Make no mistake though this tea has set the bar high. In Wickman’s memory only Ripley has surpassed it. But the memory of Ripley sours as they were unutterable knobbers which left a bitter taste. Unlike this tea which was close to superb, and this oppo who were personable and played the game in the right way.

And so their reply and the second part of the stress test. Our side was populated with decent bowling – folk who have on merit represented more illustrious xis including Unsworth and Lown, and others including Paddy and Splints who have taken wickets at 2xi and 3xi level. The track was drier than when our top order had batted on it, but like tea was no cakewalk. We also had a top quality ex 1s wicket keeper in Dutchy who pressured bats all afternoon by standing up to all the bowlers and the younger folk – Dommy, Splints, Runsworth, Charles and Paddy in particular would look sharp in the field.

But oh how those short boundaries beckoned. The opening partnership started relatively cautiously. One of them looked like a greyhound in the field and a decent cricketer who could take the game away from us. Fortunately for us he nailed Dom straight to the point boundary fielder as those on the sidelines prematurely celebrated a six. Pouched by Unsworth. Chloe Springer likes this.

Number 3 was R Inger. Turning up in our 39th over and wearing club stash, he pouched a catch as his first contribution. Here he looked assured, contemptuous and started to smash it all over the place. Investigation shows a ton for their 2s and a 70 for their 1s. He raced to 30 before a full pitched ball from Dom defeated his drive and crashed into his Forrest Gumps. So Dom had done his job and done it well removing the 2 really dangerous looking top order bats.

Mohit removed a stubborn looking Miah and Paddy got rid of Mekwan who was beginning to look useful. That said he couldn’t see the ball as he hadn’t brought his glasses (“should have gone to Specsavers” P. Linter I thangyoo) so that was the only useful looking he was doing. But the other cricketer in their xi who looked a class above, Osborn, settled in, stood tall and drove the ball with authority. Just as we got them to five down Osborn, first in partnership with Lee and then skipper Wilsdon began to turn the tie towards Kempton. Just when we needed bowling of real discipline, from one end we kept pitching the ball half way down the track and must have given Osborn five or six straightforward boundaries through an undefended midwicket.

The partnership with Wilsdon was particularly fruitful – the skipper had one shot into the off side to get him to the other end while he watched Osborn bat. Together they put on 44 of which Wickman would wager Osborn scored 40. With 13 needed the game looked up but then Selvsey pulled off a captaincy masterstroke and brought back Paddy to partner the naggingly accurate Unsworth who was keeping us in the game by keeping the runs down at one end.
And now, just as the test was at its most stressful, with any a handful of runs required, the youngest member of our team passed it nervelessly. Unlike his more experienced colleagues Paddy bowled full and straight from his end and gave us a chink of light by bowling Osborn who had gone past 50 by now. He repeated the dose in the same over with the new bat and then took the final two wickets in his next. And all this just as Kempton’s 1s had arrived to hang out with Richard Inger and take the piss. The winning margin was a mere 7 runs and they melted away stealthily not wanting to be tainted by defeat.

Brilliant game of cricket. Had everything bar dodgy decision making. MOM is Paddy. His was the classic all-rounder performance. Bosh runs when needed and then bowl a nerveless spell at the death with only 13 runs to play with and four wickets needed. Three were bowled, full and straight, the other caught behind of another full and straight ball. Great stuff.

And by the way. We’re top of the division today. It may not last but it’s an achievement to be proud of.

Kit Manager Recruited as New Scribe

Get your tanks off our lawn

Kit Managers Blog; A Sunday at the Wick
 
My old mucker Iron Gloves asked for some content, so here it is warts and all, a full expose  on what happened on Sunday.
 
9.45 arrive at club with family for coaching. Although slightly distracted knowing that its Chestnut Sunday and that in about hour the full parade of armoured fighting viehcles will rumble past. Must not let a child get run over.
 
Anyway off to the kit cupboard to check its still there. Yes it is. Off to kitchen, last weeks rolls for bbq were a bit mouldy, better this week after a few complaints from the parents. Catch a glimpse of yesterdays tuna sarnies, best to avoid at tea. Kit Manager's first game today. More on that later, although actually two games rearranged 20/20 and then a 30/30 against the Nepotits.
 
Coaching goes ok no kids run over, new coach Robin very good, I make naughty ones do a bit of extra sprinting. Big set up on Sundays lots of new coaches in spanking new smart coaching jackets including Chairman, tinge of pride. Could do with selling a few more shirts. Saw first team last week poor show re kit all over the shop very sad.
 
Grab quick burger sell some kit and into changing rooms for 20/20.  Nathan wins toss into field v Woking. Good effort Nomaan gets some, Fast Cars bowls well, Eddy C does ok as does Coley, extracting best two players, and Immy. I think they get 128. Highlights Harry falling over trying to catch easy one, dropped and Charles the Coach Edmunds catching beauty as did Matty D.
 
Nomaan and Nath open and good start, wicket slow. Why did we invest in new strip same money could have kitted out club in nice new gear. Not 100% sure of what happened but we needed 16 off two overs got them Fast Cars smacked ball 119 for 4, victory.
 
Then straight into 30 game! Lloydy opens up with FastCars.  Graham triggers Fastcars so he can have a waz, not sure Fastcars was happy with that.  Lloydy gets beaten and bowled one thing about Lloydy has good kit. Coley and Harry put on a few Nathan gets a quack, not much to speak about both Smiths looking smart in proper Wick gear old man Smith in proper pullover nice. To be fair Nathan always looks the part as well. Think we got 114 starting to get a bit cold.
 
Tea generally gd.  Avoided tuna, suggest you do same next week if brown triangles are presented, DBW a master of the freezer.  Riley umpiring, apparently he been promoted to first team umps. Apparently couple of the boys said on Sat said he's been sleeping in his son in law's, Pablo's bed. Amazing what can change at start of new season. Saw AJ sat as well, good to see him, plus family Fudge and family Hibby. Fertile bunch. Anyway AJ desperate to get fit for fixture v Old Hamptonians, so he can spank his chums.
 
Post tea GSmith opens bowling lovely stuff, no reward no justice. Charltron gets a couple so does Tanveer, Mo stumps dangerous bat with shooter, surprise victory on cards. Young Smith gets a couple, but they get it with a couple to spare. Late finish Good effort. Quick beer. Lock kit cupboard.
 
 
 

Series Starts - Will Wickman Watch?

It seems barely credible but there's to be a Test Match at Lords this week. Later in the Summer it's to be used as a venue for archery. If they moved the start of the Olympics forward a bit they could do the synchro swimming here now. The mighty West Indies are in town at the moment and if England don't destroy them in this series then something will be tragically wrong with our boys.

To date the oppo have had one trot out against England A which they lost by 10 wickets. So thin on the ground are they resources wise they didn't let their Test attack bowl much in the second innings in case they got injured. Either they are supremely confident in their ability to hoop it around on a grey Thursday at Lords or their team is as tightly stretched as Mackie's leg muscles and just as likely to snap.

An article that Wickman read on bbc.co.uk was trying to make the best of a bad do. Jimmy Adams - once the finest batsman in the world - gave us six to watch. Oh dear. What about the other five? That bad? Derren Bravo looks like a test cricketer as does Kemar Roach but you wouldn't turf out Jonathan Trott or Stuart Broad to accommodate them in the England side.

If Wickman had known all those Saturday afternoons ago when he stood and roared at Dominic Cork thrashing around to win that Test at Lords when we bowled them out for 50something that that was the start of a slide into terrible mediocrity for the West Indies he would have shed a tear.

Because for someone of Wickman's vintage the West Indies were simply magnificent before Brian Lara and Curtley were even out of nappies. Watching them, under Clive Lloyd's captaincy was a joy. With a batting line up all of whom would have been picked in every other side of the day - including IVA Richards who may just have been Wickman's favourite bat ever - and a bowling line up that was awesome in a very dangerous kind of way - they were just brilliant to watch.

30 years later they aren't worth the ticket price are they? Wickman can't even imagine that lot getting on the plane for a series beginning in May knowing the South Africans are the major draw of the Summer. In fact that would have been the ultimate insult.

New Season - same old Wickman

Good evening readers

The 2012 Wick cricket season is underway with games all of a sudden coming in a flurry like London buses. At the weekend four teams represented the Wick in league cricket - which is unique in the (barely living) memory of the balcony.

We should quietly pat ourselves on the back here as its some achievement to get what is essentially a club attached to the hamlet of Hampton Wick into four Surrey Championship competitions from a position less than a decade ago where we were struggling to get 22 fit men and boys out there.

This weekend saw four excellent performances with wins for the newly promoted 1s by a comfortable margin (a ton for Normy and a Michelle for Daisy), the 2xi in a game which saw a quite astonishing and impudent knock of 117 from Zo Tughral which transformed the game and the 4s who won on debut after Phil Linter's five for wrecked Egham's challenge. The 3s had to endure a titanic rearguard from a depleted Walton side who managed to prevent a Wickwash scoring at just over 1 an over for 50+ overs...

And so the blog is slowly coming back to life after a quite unpardonable Winter off - with a plea... We need more writers. Wickman is a busy boy these days and would appreciate some musings and contributions from members. Just let m know, whoever he is, that you are interested...

Ten men went to mow…

Net Practice at Egham



Egham 4xi vs HWRCC 4xi

HWRCC won the toss and inserted the opposition
Egham 65 all out (Bartlett 22*, Bala 20, E. X. Tras 15) (Linter 5 for some, Bendall 2 for more, Hoppe 2 for very few, Collier 1 for)
HWRCC 66 for 3 (Clark 37*, Selves 12, E. X. Tras 12)

HWRCC wins by 7 wickets

Selves*, Nicholls, Clark, Bendall, Linter, Laight, Collier, Hoppe, Sohail, Edmonds, Lloyd+

Back in the 1970s on a chilly but sunny late Spring day like Saturday your father would pack you into the back of the family Capri, Datsun or Leyland Princess and you’d “go for a drive”. I think we were subject to this as our parents wished to escape the badly constructed post-war semi-detacheds we lived in, the white dog sh*t littered pavements and the power cuts and poverty.

This was almost always on a Saturday because nothing in this country was open on a Sunday. The shops used to shut at Wednesday lunch time in those days too. So Sunday was for gardening. On a Saturday afternoon, if your Dad was not into sport, as Wickman Sr was not, you’d be packed into the car with a flask of tea and a couple of rounds of sandwiches and you’d be off to “explore”.

Wickman is not nostalgic for it. If you left before lunch you missed the Saturday wrestling on World of Sport, and Grandstand, and the only American cartoons which were on all week. And he was that small he could barely see out of the windows in the back. It was before booster seats and the like so you spent your Saturday staring at a headrest.

Perhaps the greatest torture of it all was the accompanying songs. Perhaps cars didn’t have radios then. Wickman cannot recall. But folk used to sing songs in cars to pass the time. Perhaps it was just the Wickmans who did. But songs were sang. There was one which concerned the Lillywhite Boys – not the sports emporium in London so of no use to me – another about a large number of green bottles – but the one which really took the biscuit was Ten Men Went to Mow A Meadow.

If you are not familiar with it, it’s one of those songs which is essentially a big bloody time waster. Ten blokes go out to mow the meadow. Ten men, nine men, eight men, seven men (please fill in here), two men, one man AND HIS DOG wwwwwwwweeeeent to mow a meadow. The next round starts with nine men and then eight. Dear God. Occasionally Wickman hears versions of this song emanating from the terraces. And they make his blood run cold.

And yesterday’s cricket was summed up by that terrible, time-wasting tune. Many men on the oppo team went to mow in a meadow. And they mostly missed those mows and donated their wickets to the Phil Linter / Dave Bendall / James Hoppe benevolent fund.

There’s not a great deal of cricket to report on from this game. By the time the little hand had gone past two and the big hand was pointing South, Egham’s innings was in ruins for the above miserable score. Two batsmen contributed 42 between them. Extras there were 15. So the rest of the Egham team – 9 batsmen – contributed an execrable 8 runs. There were six ducks, no batsman from No 6 onwards managing a run. Collapse? You betcha! Charles was asking whether or not we should be taking tea. Too soon, Charles, too soon.

The opposition skipper for the day was a wily old bird, gelled silver hair, who clearly knew his cricket. He was unfortunate to lose the toss and be inserted by Selvesy who had decided that at this point in the season, with our batsman short of netting and middle time, it would be useful to have a look at things and chase.

Quite so. The ground was okay. Verdant following all the rain. It was bounded on one side by a bunch of functional looking sports buildings – perhaps squash courts and a gym. And not much else. You could almost be in the country. There were covers - University money ensuring that this was a cut above the usual 3s/4s facilities. But despite the covers the deck was pretty stodgy. Clarky’s car key eased into the track up to the hilt like Jimmy C into a well lubricated Saturday conquest from Barcadia. Footprints were visible on the deck as people walked across it. It was flatter than Renee Zellweger.

Don’t get me wrong. This was a good track given the weather we’ve been having and we’ll brook non complaint. But it was slowwwwww. When Steve Plinter and Rozzer Bendall opened up anything short sat up and was despatched, with LOTS of bottom hand, like Christmas parcels to Australia in September. Opener Bala smashed Bendall repeatedly through mid on whether the skipper placed someone there or not. Early on the Winter’s rust was evident in both our lads and there was spraying, full bunging and half trackers to amuse us. The oppo openers got away to a bit of a flier (although the outfield grass was long and there was no value for shots along the floor). But our boys both soon worked out that pitching it up was most likely to gain rewards.

Up until now, due to the aforementioned short pitched bowling, the oppo’s approach, while excessively bottom handed and agricultural, was excusable on the basis of the results achieved. 30-0 or similar. However the oppo bats didn’t work out that you needed to play straight if the ball was pitched up and continued to try to hoick everything to leg. Both were bowled attempting one mow too many.

The skipper came out and frankly the youngsters on Egham’s side should have paid attention to how he played. Immediately diagnosing that there was nothing to be gained by trying to shovel straight balls into the leg side he played straight as an arrow, defended the straight stuff, and picked off anything off his legs to nurdle and nudge his way along.

But oh, oh, oh at the other end his callow charges perished and perished and perished playing across the line, saying “pah” to his example. In all there were 4 bowleds for Splinter and 2 for Bendall as a procession of bats simply missed straight ones trying to mow the ball through midwicket. The skipper leaned on his bat at the non-strikers end when he wasn’t imploring them to play straight, and watched as a position of 30-0 turned into 50 for 7 in no time at all. Wickman tells me Clarky was hearing the meadow mowing tune in his head but just didn’t have the heart to hum it out loud.

Collier was employed to do what Collier does (does it turn?) and was delighted when any fightback was snuffed out by a good one handed, sort of diving (bit more of a collapse really), reaction catch held at cover by a sprawling Clarky. Bendall was changed out to make way for debutant James Hoppe (U 15) who impressed everyone by bowling economical wobbly medium pacers and mopping up the tail. In the end 65 runs were amassed and the skipper was not out.

Edmonds and Lloyd were sent out to begin the reply. Lloyd was unimpressed to be sent back in the first over LBW to The Chairman. Edmonds was similarly removed at the other end. The Wick were 4-2 and for a moment or two 65 seemed a long way away. Egham had a very useful colt who was pitching it up and seaming it off the pitch and Clarky and Selvesy were wondering whether defeat could be snatched from victory’s gaping maw.

It really wasn’t a great track to bat on because due to the damp. But C and S had observed from the oppo skipper that if one played straight, blocked out the good stuff and waited for something to nurdle, a living could be made.

And so they did. It can’t have been particularly enervating for the spectators, but together they wore down the opening bowlers, looking solid in defence and squirted singles around to take the pressure off. As they settled down (although it didn’t get much easier) the ones turned into twos (although never threes, Clarky is less mobile these days and back on the Players Navy Cut).

Mostly when they tried to hit anything hard, timing was awry and instead of glorious square cuts or late dabs they ended up playing horrible cross batted swots up the track. But we carp and quibble. They stayed out there and got the job done in a way that the oppo hadn’t managed. Towards the end Clarky attacked a bit more as the openers (and he) tired and even flicked a satisfying four over square in between smashing one into his own goolies and another into his left calf. But this was not an IPL smash and grab. More a county game from the 1970s on a sticky dog.

With the scores level (the pair put on 61 together in 20 overs of attrition) and Clarky trying to give Selvesy the opportunity to win it, the skipper selflessly feathered one behind so that Kirky could come in and smite the winning runs to third man.

In the end this was a game about experience. Egham, batting first and having no idea what a decent score looked like, were simply not patient enough and went after good balls like dogs at broth when circumspection was the order of the day as evidenced by their skipper. The Wick bowlers put it on the spot from time to time and profited. In reply the Wick were careful and measured, eschewing risk and seeking reward through victory rather than flashy boundaries and slogs.

Tea was awful. A new low. The brew itself was served in the same plastic cups as the game time squash. The sandwiches were standard at best. And not standard in the way that the youth use the word standard at the moment. They were simply ordinary. While there was sliced fruit and some supermarket biscuits, we were made to endure the eating of the tea in an unused changing room. It was like eating a picnic in a motorway layby in the 1970s mentioned above with songs being sung by your mother. An abomination and not what Clarky had told Wickman he was coming out of retirement for. With a name like Egham, he was expecting… more. A four is goo generous for this tea. So three. Things can only get better.

So there we have it. Hopefully Egham’s youngsters will think about their skipper’s valiant scrapping innings and play a bit straighter next week. Our bowlers will see that the reward they gained came from bowling a good length. And those poor folk who were fielding on the off side – Sohail and the Chairman – who must share TFC this week – will be in the game at some point.

MOM Phil Linter, 5 for 17 – you can’t ask much more of your opening bowler at this point in the season

HWRCC 1xi vs Kingstonian

HWRCC 1XI lost to Kingstonian 1XI by 5 runs - by Matty D

Im not afraid to say it - I bloody love Britain's Got Talent. I used to hate these reality talent shows but now they are brilliant. ITV Player was made for these programmes. Tonight I've been watching a loan of grannies rap, a farmer play the xylophone, a camp german singing whilst wearing a 30ft golden cape and a woman wrap her feet behind her back, over her shoulders and under her pits. Now that’s talent!

The Wick this season has its own conveyor belt of talent coming through and there will be lots of new names for regular readers to get used to. This week it was the turn of young Alex Dare to make a belated adult debut - straight in at the deep end for the 1XI opening league fixture of 2012! Beyond Alex there have been a steady stream of really talented youngsters breaking through into the adult setup. I won’t name them here – they will get their turn soon enough no doubt.

This was the first game of the season and it showed. There was plenty of rustiness in the field and some dropped catches to boot. The bowling was no more than OK and the batting lacked some conviction. But there were also positives. The game was competitive, Kingstonian came 4th last year (we should have won quite easily really) and a young gun showed he has some real bottle.

The game was 35 overs and we made a good start in the field taking an early wicket. But thereafter things didn't go our way. A few dropped catches and maybe some nieve field placing mean't the ball fell in the gaps too often. The bowling was also too short and the pressure wasn't always kept up when it needed to be. Tongy and Fahad bowled OK without reward. The conditions were never going to suit Daisy’s pace and Noman operated off a short run up (yet despite the figures was perhaps the best bowler on the day). Kam also bowled poorly by his standards. But the story has to be young Alex Dare who making his senior debut in an cricket took the fight to the batsmen. At around 100-1 I asked him to lob it up there and give it a rip (he's a leggie btw) and they took the bait. Four great catches by 1XI debutant Finbar (cow), Kam (long off), Alex himself and Boney (behind the sticks) and Alex had taken 4-25 from 7 on debut! A quite magical performance and the balcony crew let us all know about it! Ks ended up 163ao which included some run outs towards the end.

As I said before, this was an OK performance, but on another day Ks could have been 100ao we could have knocked them off for 2 in no time. But cricket is about fine lines and our bating response was perhaps a wake up call for the season.

Davies fell early playing a nothing shot to a nothing ball Daisy and Ali set out building a response – easily keeping up with the rate without any alarms. Then Alex failed to mow a half tracker and skied one to the in field. Kammy joined Nom at the perfect time and they also put on another 50 runs easily, going at 4s or 5s. Kam went for a walk and then Nom didn’t walk fast enough. Wickets started to fall but we should have got home needing about 50 from 12 overs. We didn’t and a combination of poor shot selection, some inexperience and some silly run outs mean’t we finished up 5 short. Given the number of nieve mistakes we made all day the fact we only lost by 5 runs says it all.

If Im being crude MoM should really be Noman but the star of the show was obviously Alex, whose outwardly nerveless display defied his 14 years! However I’ll give the WoM to a combination of Alison Whitcher and Carol Dare. Alison taming her demons to score in the face of a howling wind and AJ, and Carol for being the latest Wick recruit on the balcony supporting the boys (and putting up with AJ). We lost but all things considered there are plenty of positives, considering that everyone can do lots better (and indeed did so all last season). That’s the challenge – and Im looking to the likes of Alex and Finber to keep us all on our toes.