Could it be magic now?

It seems that Andrew Strauss does not have sole poetic licence on making stupid, vacuous comments in the press.

Pakistan's new skipper Younis Khan has come out with an absolute doozi. Yes, this "reluctant skipper" has called on his players to embrace magic to resurrect the side's struggling fortunes. Speaking to a media gathering, here's what Younis said:

"I will try and fix things that aren't right at the moment," Younis said. "But the boys will all have to get together and wave their magic wands. I can't just wave it by myself. I want our team to be consistent above all, in everything we do and that will require everyone to put their hands up."

I don't even think Strauss could top this comment. Now, i'll be the first to say that i'm not an avid follower of Pakistani cricket - well, not since Veri Farkin Funni retired all those years ago from what I described at the time as the "dream team" of world cricket. However, i'm struggling to understand how this team has gone so far down hill in the last few years.

Rather than looking to magic as the answer, wouldn't it be better to get all the boys netting on a consistent basis, avoiding steroids, and trying not to wipe out your coach? (read: Bob Woolmer - How Jeff Lawson attacked him in the shower in the Windes - terrific book, all be it slightly ilght on evidence)

But I could be wrong.

Wickman Junior

England roll worst tour side ever

So England have destroyed possibly the worst warm up side in the history of tours to anywhere. If England had turned up to Mars you would give good odds that the locals would be able to put out a good side. Admitedly the umpires might have some issues with the lbw law. Who can tell if a limb is really a leg or an arm with your average Martian? And if AJ was fixtures sec there's a good chance he would think a 20 over game against someone outside the surrey champ might be good prep. But the side the Windies put up in this invitational was not worth the entrance fee. All the bats got runs and even Monty (Colin) could have got wickets. We know nothing new. Sigh...

Strauss has lost it

I posed the question just a few days ago that Andrew "brown nose" Strauss had completely lost the plot. Sure, the comment about KP scoring "millions of runs" in the West Indies wasn't meant to be taken seriously. It was a stupid thing to say. But now all doubt has officially been washed away. Just read this:

"We want to get back to doing what do we best, playing cricket and winning Test matches," said Strauss. "My belief is we want to see players think on their feet out in the middle, take responsibility for the situation and not leave it to someone else.

"The only way we can do that is to give them more responsibility off the field as well. I'm challenging my players to start thinking a bit more about what they need to do in terms of preparation and I'm giving them a lot more flexibility to do that."

So lets break this down shall we?

• "We want to get back to doing what we do best, playing cricket and winning Test matches"

Thanks Captain obvious. As professional cricket players i'm not surprised that what you do best is playing cricket. What next: the best thing a pilot does if fly a plane? A vicar spreading the word of god? Thanks for clarifying that Andrew - I was concerned that as professional cricketers what you did best was perhaps daubing a picture on a blank canvas. Also - what England do BEST is losing test matches, not winning them. There's a great track record of this. Can I suggest they need to get away from what they do best and start doing what they are not good at: winning!!

• "My belief is we want to see players think on their feet out in the middle, take responsibility for the situation and not leave it to someone else.

What, so the players have been walking around like dolts until now? Also...i love it how this is his belief!!?? No Andrew, that's common sense mate. When a player puts bat on ball from now on, is he going to think: "shit...Straussy didn't tell me what to do if i get a bouncer from Sharma"?

• "I'm challenging my players to start thinking a bit more about what they need to do in terms of preparation and I'm giving them a lot more flexibility to do that."

In simple terms this means: don't go out after a game and get smashed....that's not great preparation for cricket. Or - should i really get into a pedalo after too many brews before a match, or turn up to training drunk?

Put all of this together and you've pretty much got the picture of Andrew Strauss. This is a guy who is going to sit back, let players do what they want - and if they bugger up it's their fault - and coddle up to England management. He clearly doesn't have a high regard for his players either.

But I could be wrong.

Wickman Junior

Forget the Ashes.....this is the series to look out for

picture: Could these scenes be repeated in Wellington?

While many people in the "mainstream" media are talking up The Ashes as the tournament to watch in 2009, the series with the most exciting prospects is getting overlooked: Yes, that's right....India's tour of New Zealand.

These are the facts: India have not won a Test in New Zealand in over three decades, and apart from the loss in the Test series last time, they were beaten 2-5 in the ODIs.

So the scene is set. Can you picture it? I'm drooling already.....although I have severe gastric at the moment. James Franklin in Napier charging in to Tendulkar....Sharma struggling against the might of Mills and Redmond. I'm pointing north already.... and i've just read Ian O'Brien's blog

http://blogs.cricinfo.com/iainobrien/

Watch and learn

Wickman Junior

How KP could score a million runs in the West Indies

The backing from Andrew Strauss for KP to score "millions of runs" in the West Indies has given me pause for thought. At first, the very idea that Kevin could score 200,000 runs every test match sounded difficult, but doable. The fact that 200,000 runs have probably never been scored over the history of test match cricket just seemed like a bit of "red tape". Look at 20/20 and the changes we have seen there.

But on further inspection, the ramblings of Strauss appear to be nothing more than lunacy. Can I be the first to suggest that he hasn't thought this through?

Here's what KP would need to do to reach a million runs over five test matches in the West Indies. I won't include warmups or ODIs as Strauss doesn't think these are a genuine test of ability. There are of course a few assumptions we need to make:

• KP will open the batting and not get out or retire at any stage (even if the captain tries to declare, KP will somehow refuse - over 5 days)
• Despite this brazen disregard for Andrew Strauss, KP will still open the batting each match
• England win the toss and bat first.
• 90 overs are played each day (minimum). Despite no balls, this would need to be enforced, even if it meant playing overnight.

So, KP would need to hit five 6's each over, then score 3 off the last ball to get off strike. This would give him 33 runs every over. After a 90 over day, this would still only leave KP with 2,970 runs - 14,850 for the match, still 185,000 runs short of the target set by Strauss. This would therefore mean that the Windies would need to bowl an extra 30,000 balls - or 5,000 odd overs in the test match, presumably down to "no balls". KP would need to hit each of these deliveries for six as well.

Times that by five test matches, and you've got your million runs. How on earth Kevin would be alive after this run fest is beyond me though....but i know he loves a challenge

Not literally...

I think it's pretty clear that there are many people, in all walks of life, who struggle with the concept of reality. Whether it be mormons, believers in Intelligent Design or the producers of Stop: Or my mum will shoot!, society seems to be full of them.

Sport, and cricket in particular, is not immune to this disease. You only have to listen to ten seconds of Bob Willis or Ian Botham speak to realise this. But it is with slight concern that I read this morning that new England Captain Andrew Strauss appears to be falling into this trap as well. Asked by a journalist (ATS) about whether Pietersen will fit into the rank and file again after losing the captaincy, Strauss came out with this little nugget:

"I have no doubt that he will go to the West Indies and get millions of runs."

Now, clearly we are not meant to take this literally - i know. In a 5 match test series, KP would need to be scoring around 200,000 runs per match (just to match Straussy's figure). Not only that, but he would need to be hogging the strike the whole time. Strauss would also have to forget about declarations and, clearly, the prospect of trying to win any of the games played. Nevertheless, 5 draws would be a reasonable result.....FACT

The point i'm making here is that sportsmen of all creed and colour, when they try to be overly optimistic, are usually still reserved in their judgements. How often do you hear the phrase: "I'm going to give it 110%" banded around, despite being mathematically impossible. Even though you know it's a load of crap and doesn't make sense, you accept it. Why Strauss didn't say KP was going to score hundreds of runs is beyond me.

The question has to be, has the new Captain lost the plot with this kind of talk? The answer, on the evidence provided so far, has to be YES.

But I could be wrong.

Wickman Junior

Player Recruitment - your club needs you!

After the success of the last 2 season's recruitment side, which has seen many new faces and the ability to put out a 3rd league team and get them promoted at the first attempt, now is the time to start with this season's drive.

Our international webmaster Garth has designed a great poster to help with this.

If you want the flyer sent to you, email dom (dominic_lown@hotmail.com) and will forward onto you.

Please print it off, hand them out, stick it up, forward on etc to as many people you know. With the Ashes this year, cricket is going to be big this summer and a great time to get people to take the game back up. This is an important stage for the club. A lot of hard work has gone into getting teams into the Surrey Championship and increasing the pool of players helps both on and off the pitch.

Oval Nets

Following Wickman's post, let me take this opportunity to inform Wick members that Joey and Jimmy C will be organising / coordinating weekly nets at the oval from the end of January. This will take place on a WEDNESDAY NIGHT AT 7PM. For those of you still in gameful employment in our nation's capital, oval nets can prove to be just the tonic to release stress, roll the arm over, and face big Joey at 100 mph.

Numbers are normally fairly tight - we aim to have six bods including Joey and Jimmy C in one net - so if you're keen then drop Jimmy C an email on jamesc@consolidatedpr.com or call / text 0789 135 1404

Wickman Junior

BELIEF

Nets

Boys and visitors. The long bitter winter is coming to an end. Artic conditions have been replaced by a classic British summer of squalls and the like. So it must be time for indoor nets. And it is. After last year's booking debacle this year the club will be netting on a Sunday night at its spiritual home Tiffin Boys School gym. This year we have secured the services of Alex Tudor to coach some of the bowlers.

This is good. This represents progress. Some people may even learn something.

Frankly given that Mr T made a composed 97* against the Kiwis (anyone, anyone - can't be bothered to look up the facts) before being pointlessly stranded by a selfish Graham Thorpe he could probably teach some of us a thing or two about batting too.

First net = Sunday February 1st. More info in the weeks to come about exact timings and where the injured, lame, elderly and infirm can meet for a beer afterwards...

[Here's a picture taken on Saturday of the Wick outdoor nets. They look slightly drier than the deck the 2s played Haslemere on two seasons ago]

Wickman

Do England need a coach?

Shane Warne famously once said that the coach of a cricket team should be the person that drives the bus, nothing more. It is a view that, following the fallout between KP and PM, seems to be getting some wider traction in cricket circles.

So what is the point of a coach in cricket? Or, more importantly, what should the role of a coach be in any cricket side?

In my mind, the coach should be someone who monitors the individual performance of players in the team on a day to day / match basis. He (or she?) should be up there in the balcony with the bowling and batting coaches, often with a laptop, looking through the vital statistics of each player and offering advice to the captain if asked.

The role of John Buchanan is the successful Australian teams of a few years ago seems to bare this out. Whenever i looked up into the players section of any ground, he was always sat there in front of a PC, typing away and taking notes. Again, he may have had more input than this but the perception, at the least, was that he sat out of team meetings and did sweet FA.

With Moores, it appeared as though he wanted to get down to the nets everyday and generally make a nuisance of himself - a comment here and a comment there. Eventually, this has got to wear down on a captain, who wants to run the team his way. It happend with KP and who's to say that when Andrew "I'm a wealthy toff" Strauss moves on into the twilight, something like this won't happen again? If I were Andrew, I would be hating this tag of being referred to as a "safe pair of hands". That to me says brown nose all the way and mediocrity guaranteed in the future.

So what should England do? Well, as some are saying today, they should get rid of the coach. I suggest they keep the coach, but stick him well out of the way. Better seen and not heard.

But I could be wrong.

Wickman Junior

Is BOOF the answer for England

Wickman Junior reads with interest about the talk of Darren Lehman becoming the next England coach. I've described this development in other media commitments this week, as being "exciting".

For those of you with a short memory, Darren was the fat bloke who scored a shed load of runs for Australia and, in 2003, was brought down by the ICC for the small matter of racial vilification. Calling the Sri Lankans "black so and so's" after being run out was probably not the best idea, but in the heat of the moment these things happen....

But who better to repair the dressing room split within England's camp? Darren is very much a Joe Kinnear type character who isn't going to take any shit, and will put egos in check if necessary. And if it means using the odd racial slur to get results, then the board should back him...

Wickman Junior

Wick Not in Split Captaincy Controversy

Unlike with the England set-up there was no surprise at all when the Committee announced that Greg "Leggsy" Unsworth has been appointed Sunday Skipper for 2009. Unsworth, champion barman, slogger and bowler for all three Saturday xis last season, was confirmed as skipper during the AGM. A shamefaced Wickman confessed last night to have "left him off the original blog post - inexcusable".

Speculation had mounted that a late challenge to Unsworth's Sunday appointment had been launched by Nutty Norm, The Rev de Crespigny and the ashes of former umpire Frank Henry Bean, keeping the announcement off the blog 'til late on Friday afternoon. Bean, contacted through a medium, declined to comment and was said by Club Secretary Nick Clark to be "maintaining a dignified silence in the circumstances". Equally de Crespigny, dead for more than 100 years, was ruled out as not being mobile enough even for Wednesday cricket and no one, even Delboy, could trace Nutty Norm to check the veracity of reports.

Unsworth takes over a dressing room not split at all.

Pietersen Stabbed In Back?

Wickman has no inside track on the England situation but a couple of things have stuck in his mind over the last few days.

First - watch the Strauss and Flintoff interviews which were given immediately following the announcement that KP had got the job. Neither of them is overjoyed. And they hardly give him a ringing endorsement.

Add to this the Harmision interview a couple of days ago. It's a thinly disguised two fingers to Pietersen essentially telling him that Harmison doesn't give a monkeys one way or the other who's in charge.

It doesn't look much like any of the three much cared for their skipper then or probably now. At the beginning of his reign it looks like KP had a divided dressing room and nothing changed in the six months he had in charge.

So: Strauss never wanted the guy. Harmison and Flintoff are part of the side that gets embarrassed by Stanford. Clearly not a happy time. H & F were last on the plane to India (let's face it when are they ever happy to be touring) - we can only guess what arm twisting tactics KP used to get them there. KP drops Harmison for the 2nd test having dragged him on the tour. Hugh Morris makes a few calls and the gig's up.

Oh to be a fly on the wall in the dressing room during the first test in WI...

Davies Resignation - Nicholls Makes Statement

In a dramatic day for Wick cricket, Wickman finally got round to blogging the changes at the club following the AGM in Demcember.

Faced with the news that Matthew "Matty D" Davies had decided that his much publicised row with no-one had led him to resign after a successful promotion campaign to Fullers Division 1 in 2006 and near miss on promotion to Surrey Div 5 in 2008, the Wick Committee did not deny that Joe Ewen would immediately succeed him as 1st xi skipper for 2009.

Despite the best efforts of this correspondent there seems to be no evidence that anyone involved had briefed any newspapers and it seems that the Wick never had a Head Coach - except for the Colts section - for any of the senior players to fall out with. Thus there was no scandal in the Kingston Informer or Surrey Comet, so no one was forced to make any humiliating climb down statements or be sacked.

In the 2xi there was a dramatic no change at all as David Fudge was re-elected as skipper for 2009 building on double promotions from Fullers Division II to Div I to next year's exciting challenge of Surrey Division 5. Fudge will captain both the league side and the one day side. Mostly because league games and one day games last a day so there is no need for a split captaincy.

The 3xi captaincy has also been decided. James "there aren't any coaches to fall out with otherwise I would fill my boots" Lloyd was re-elected to the position of 3xi skipper following the side's promotion in its first official season as a league team.

Robert Sissen, Keith Nicholls and Nick Clark were not opposed and continue as President, Chair and Secretary of the Club. Sissen will continue as Wednesday Captain and provider of cricket for credit crunch and recession victims in 2009.

Importantly for the future of the club, Dominic Lown - holder of the coveted "Wick Man of the Year" trophy agreed to become Fixtures and Social Secretary for 2009 and a new position - Honorary Development Secretary - was created and in his absence Steve Vaid was unanimously and raucously elected.

Happy New Year.

Wickman

[Here our photo shows that new 1xi skipper Ewen is actually no taller than Celebrity Big Brother and Mini Me Verrrrrrrrn]

A tale of two skippers

Today has proved to be an interesting one for world cricket... One South African, captain of his country, batted against Mitchell Johnson with a browen finger and an elbow that had been injected with his own blood, on a pitch that resembled a Salvador Dali mural. The thought of putting my gloves on is enough to make me wince, let alone facing a dozen or more 85mph balls from Australia's premier (on current form) quickie. What an absolute legend. Another South African, captain of a country, resigned from his role on the basis that he could no longer work with the appointed coach. Considerring he himself admitted to having next to no captaincy experience, this strikes me as a strange decision. I refuse to believe that Peter Moores is such a bad coach (or perhaps a different coach is a better term to use), that KP is unable to get over it for the good of the nation's cricket side. Although this episode does remind you we arn't his nation, are we. I love KP, hes a genuine cricket star and a sporting hero - but this is shocking. On the basis of this episode I know which Saffa Id prefer to lead my country. Discuss...