Of all the bleedin cheek! Winter nets begin Thursday 24th January at the Tiffin School Sports Centre. Here's a map. Yes, yes, yes, we've moved from Sunday night. "A break with tradition," I hear some of you mutter. "I shall cancel my membership," you continue. Well - as with most breaks with tradition it wasn't planned. Charlie "Light Fingers" Browning of the Colts sneaked our traditional Sunday night slot, the sly, devious bar steward.
Leisure Centre Phone: *ring ring* *ring ring*
Bored attendant: Allo
Charlie Browning: Good afternoon young Man. I am Charles Browning of Hampton Wick Cricket Club. I should very much like to procure the use of your cricket nets, don't you know?
Attendant: Whatever...
CB: Not whatever, young man! That's no way to run a sports centre! The question you should be asking is "when Sir, may I take your booking for?"
Attendant: Listen Squire, your mob takes Sunday night seven 'til eight, job done. You muppet.
CB: I say! I shall overlook your impertinence just this once as you seem to have met my requirements. We will take the slot you have suggested. Is our business concluded?
Attendant: I should coco.
CB: Good Day to you! *puts phone down* Bwahahahahahaha! I have stolen the prized Sunday night slot from under the noses of the club! I cock a snook at them! A day or so later: Leisure Centre Phone: *ring ring* *ring ring*
Bored attendant (always the same): Allo
Keith Nipples Nicholls: Good afternoon young Man. I am Keith Nichols of Hampton Wick Cricket Club. I wish to bring up the subject of nets.
Attendant: Listen you muppet we've done that already weren't you listening? And you need to put a deposit down. Whatjewthinkthisisacharity?
KNN: ????? I have not called! What is this impertinence?
(There then follows half an hour of arguments)
Attendant: You can have Thursday.
KNN: Oh fuggit. All right. But I'm not paying for that bar steward Browning
Attendant: Whatever... So that's how the Colts stole the nets. Anyway. The nets are now on Thursday. That's the one after Wednesday and before Friday. Not at all on Sunday in the slightest. You probably won't recognise anyone and asking your fellow netters to pop out for a beer afterwards could get you arrested for grooming... It's all rather taken Wickman by surprise. No sooner has Mrs Wickman got the rickety step ladder out, tottered up it in her high heels groaning under the weight of an enormous bag full of pads, bats, gloves, helmets and similar and managed to cram the thing through the square gap to the loft (mostly by poking it with a long broom handle) but it's time to go up there and get the stuff down again. Wickman will have to send her back up again. Getting there should not present most of you with any problems. The nearest station is kingston (zone 6) which is a 5 minute walk or Norbiton (zone 5) which is a 10 minute walk. They have a car park. If you have a car you could drive. Hell, you could even cycle. Entrance to the sports hall is from the London Road side. If you enter the school and turn right you will see the hall. There will be 2 nets from 9pm til 10pm. Nets will cost between £3 and £5 dependant on the numbers (and people who only bat etc). It should go without saying that Nets are the best place to introduce new talent to the club. Bring some friends with cricketing talent along why don't you? We'll even give them their first session free. And remember - introduce three new paying members to the Wick and you get your own subs free*! Any questions please email Dom - dominic_lown@hotmail.com Here's a picture of Clarky padded up and waiting to bat last year...
*Please note that this offer is only redeemable if you approach the committee while walking backwards with passport sized photos of your entire family, the birth certificates of the new members, the testicles of a badger and a unicorn's horn.
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