Kempton CC 4xi vs Hampton Wick Royal CC 4xi
Kempton won the toss
HWRCC 175 all out in 39.2 (McMullen 44, Clark 36 – Smith 5-46)
Kempton 168 all out in 49.4 (Osbourn 56, R Inger 30, E X Tras 29!!! - McMullen 5-24)
HWRCC wins by 7 runs

Selves*, Holland+, Miles, Edmonds, Clark, Mcmullan, Mohit, Lown, Linter, Laight, Unsworth

McMullen Clinches Win as Others Clench

Back in the day Wickman had a job in an organization that specialised in working with British Industry to determine whether products were, as they say in the world of business, fit for purpose. People there spent years in committees determining how to describe what various widgets were for and how they should be made. It was mind numbing stuff. One committee had been meeting twice a year and working in between for 20 years and still had not been able to come up with a definition for what a mountain bike actually was. If you think about it hard enough, they said to Wickman, you’ll realise how difficult it actually is.

Wickman sympathised and hoped journalists would never call to ask why it was taking so long as he wondered whether they would share the committee’s bepuzzlement. On balance he felt not. There was however one part of the organization which seemed like great fun to part of. Here, on a trading estate North of London, a team of engineers systematically beat the cr*p out of things to work out when they broke. This was to determine whether they would do their job when in situ. Wickman watched as sleds containing dummies were crashed into walls, things were fired at other things and weights were dropped on helmets for example. Scrupulous notes were taken etc etc.

Yesterday was such a stress test for the Wick’s fourth eleven – the place, apart from the 1xi, where the experienced eye lingers to determine strength and depth of a club’s resources. Test conditions were not ideal. Kempton’s second pitch is next to Sunbury’s most leafy avenue and is football pitch shaped with short boundaries to left and right and a longish slog to the straight ones.

As last week Clarky’s car key sank into the depths of the strip immediately. It was stodgy. More worryingly for nervous batsmen, all over the square, which seemed to be hewn from a football pitch, there were strange plants growing. It looked like some of the growing beasties from the Invasion of the Body Snatchers were competing for space and light with a plethora of Audrey II’s from Little Shop of Horrors. Some of these were round about a good length. Like Lords it sloped from one side of the track to the other. Viewed from one angle, with the back of Kempton Park’s grandstand in the background you could almost convince yourself… no – it was a rotten looking deck which would claim victims in equal measure later in the match.

Unlike last week the toss was lost and this week the Wick would be asked to set a target. Whilst last week the batting looked thinner than Clarky’s hair on top, this week there was some depth to it and this would prove crucial. In the opening exchanges Phil Miles looked busy but he would perish early to Osborn bowled and before Clarky could get his bearings, Charles was done by one that moved a mile off the pitch. VERY unlucky. Selvesy joined and like last week he and Clarky attempted to steady the ship. Unfortunately before too long Selvesy top edged a sweep and spooned one up to the man on the 45. 20-3. Dutchy – who looked just short of a million dollars – arrived in the middle and boshed it around a bit before calling a second to a mis-field and finding himself just short of his ground.

And so the Wick was deep in the mire with 34 on the board and four men back in the hutch. Kirky came out and played extremely straight and extremely sensibly before blazing a series of cuts and late cuts to the boundary, looking like a club version of David Gower.

Clarky, still circumspect as last week, was though finding the middle of the bat this week and combined cautious defence of the straight stuff with some attacking blows. A savage clubbed four down the ground came right out of the middle like a rocket and almost killed Lownsy (umpiring) and Kirky (non-striker) before whistling to the boundary and immediately necessitating fundamental field changes. From last week where the ring around him was tighter than the proverbial gnat’s rear end, this week he was offered singles down the ground to longs off and on which he took gratefully. Just as he was beginning to look good – an enormous maximum off a bouncer clubbed into Sunbury’s premier residential street and someone’s front garden, clearing on the way impressively tall horse chestnuts - he was undone by drinks and not the ones he had had the night before.

Having seen off with Kirky one of the openers, Inwood, he became frustrated by his inability to smear away the filthy looseners from the new bowler after the break and patted a full toss to cover on the boundary. A tame end to an innings which was promising more and a partnership which had put on 45. And once again the Wick was on the knife edge. With such a small ground we needed to kick on and get some runs because despite our bowling attack we would need some to defend. At this point we had only 79 which was not enough.

Kirky too perished as drinks brought not one but two. Mohit – who likes to mow hit as we know from Matty D – then did just that and entertained with a very brisk and boundary-laden 19 before running himself out. He was partnered by Paddy McM who first quietly and then explosively tore into the change bowlers pulling anything short over the short boundary for six. He rattled along, belieing his age and the pitch to a swashbuckling 44 before unfortunately holing out to mid on.

Smith for the oppo who filthily removed Clarky, was flourishing now as the lower order bats started to whirl like dervishes and would pick up five. You can’t argue with the book but we think he will bowl better without quite reaching the same juggy heights. Unsworth played very well from 9 and scored an entertaining 20 something. Splints picked out long off Inwood, who was extremely surprised to pouch another having just got rid of Paddy at long on, and there remained only time for Lown to get off the mark with a boundary (ATS) before Runsworth got the double brackets to end our knock.

At the break between the innings 176 felt like enough. But the relative brevity of our innings – we failed to fully utilise the 40th over – left Kempton 51 overs to reply. You can look at it two ways. We probably wouldn’t have declared at 40 although Wickman did not quiz the skipper on this and by chucking away a few wickets almost certainly unwittingly created a game of it. Our innings was dominated by Paddy’s knock and without it would have been too brief and insubstantial. Only a herculanean performance with the ball by a bowler would deny him the MOM Wickman ruminated on the way to tea. That so many lower order bats chipped in spoke volumes for the resilience in the side and passed the stress test mentioned earlier. On another day we might have struggled to amass 120 with half the side gone. As it was the last four wickets produced almost 100 runs. Well played.

And so to tea. Kempton teas have been described before most mouth wateringly by Sir Matthew of D after a 1s visit and Wickman’s saliva was already washing like the tide over coastal rocks around his teeth before he saw it. Good pasta smells tickled his nostrils along with the tang of garlic bread. Sandwiches were cut both on the angle and into fingers and were prepared with fresh bread. One of the sandwiches surprised and delighted - where Wickman had anticipated egg, coronation chicken was discovered to much jubilation (geddit?).

There were cakey things including coconutty marshmallowy numbers. Here was a tea in which its creator had demonstrated pride and skill. We liked it and lingered long at it like weary travellers at a wayside inn after a long day on the road. As ever there were quibbles - the tea, good, strong was served in thin plastic mugs with a message about recycling on them which failed to hold the brew at temperature and slightly irritated too. The lack of a homemade cake taken with this minor muggy blemish takes us down to an 8.5. Make no mistake though this tea has set the bar high. In Wickman’s memory only Ripley has surpassed it. But the memory of Ripley sours as they were unutterable knobbers which left a bitter taste. Unlike this tea which was close to superb, and this oppo who were personable and played the game in the right way.

And so their reply and the second part of the stress test. Our side was populated with decent bowling – folk who have on merit represented more illustrious xis including Unsworth and Lown, and others including Paddy and Splints who have taken wickets at 2xi and 3xi level. The track was drier than when our top order had batted on it, but like tea was no cakewalk. We also had a top quality ex 1s wicket keeper in Dutchy who pressured bats all afternoon by standing up to all the bowlers and the younger folk – Dommy, Splints, Runsworth, Charles and Paddy in particular would look sharp in the field.

But oh how those short boundaries beckoned. The opening partnership started relatively cautiously. One of them looked like a greyhound in the field and a decent cricketer who could take the game away from us. Fortunately for us he nailed Dom straight to the point boundary fielder as those on the sidelines prematurely celebrated a six. Pouched by Unsworth. Chloe Springer likes this.

Number 3 was R Inger. Turning up in our 39th over and wearing club stash, he pouched a catch as his first contribution. Here he looked assured, contemptuous and started to smash it all over the place. Investigation shows a ton for their 2s and a 70 for their 1s. He raced to 30 before a full pitched ball from Dom defeated his drive and crashed into his Forrest Gumps. So Dom had done his job and done it well removing the 2 really dangerous looking top order bats.

Mohit removed a stubborn looking Miah and Paddy got rid of Mekwan who was beginning to look useful. That said he couldn’t see the ball as he hadn’t brought his glasses (“should have gone to Specsavers” P. Linter I thangyoo) so that was the only useful looking he was doing. But the other cricketer in their xi who looked a class above, Osborn, settled in, stood tall and drove the ball with authority. Just as we got them to five down Osborn, first in partnership with Lee and then skipper Wilsdon began to turn the tie towards Kempton. Just when we needed bowling of real discipline, from one end we kept pitching the ball half way down the track and must have given Osborn five or six straightforward boundaries through an undefended midwicket.

The partnership with Wilsdon was particularly fruitful – the skipper had one shot into the off side to get him to the other end while he watched Osborn bat. Together they put on 44 of which Wickman would wager Osborn scored 40. With 13 needed the game looked up but then Selvsey pulled off a captaincy masterstroke and brought back Paddy to partner the naggingly accurate Unsworth who was keeping us in the game by keeping the runs down at one end.
And now, just as the test was at its most stressful, with any a handful of runs required, the youngest member of our team passed it nervelessly. Unlike his more experienced colleagues Paddy bowled full and straight from his end and gave us a chink of light by bowling Osborn who had gone past 50 by now. He repeated the dose in the same over with the new bat and then took the final two wickets in his next. And all this just as Kempton’s 1s had arrived to hang out with Richard Inger and take the piss. The winning margin was a mere 7 runs and they melted away stealthily not wanting to be tainted by defeat.

Brilliant game of cricket. Had everything bar dodgy decision making. MOM is Paddy. His was the classic all-rounder performance. Bosh runs when needed and then bowl a nerveless spell at the death with only 13 runs to play with and four wickets needed. Three were bowled, full and straight, the other caught behind of another full and straight ball. Great stuff.

And by the way. We’re top of the division today. It may not last but it’s an achievement to be proud of.

Kit Manager Recruited as New Scribe

Get your tanks off our lawn

Kit Managers Blog; A Sunday at the Wick
 
My old mucker Iron Gloves asked for some content, so here it is warts and all, a full expose  on what happened on Sunday.
 
9.45 arrive at club with family for coaching. Although slightly distracted knowing that its Chestnut Sunday and that in about hour the full parade of armoured fighting viehcles will rumble past. Must not let a child get run over.
 
Anyway off to the kit cupboard to check its still there. Yes it is. Off to kitchen, last weeks rolls for bbq were a bit mouldy, better this week after a few complaints from the parents. Catch a glimpse of yesterdays tuna sarnies, best to avoid at tea. Kit Manager's first game today. More on that later, although actually two games rearranged 20/20 and then a 30/30 against the Nepotits.
 
Coaching goes ok no kids run over, new coach Robin very good, I make naughty ones do a bit of extra sprinting. Big set up on Sundays lots of new coaches in spanking new smart coaching jackets including Chairman, tinge of pride. Could do with selling a few more shirts. Saw first team last week poor show re kit all over the shop very sad.
 
Grab quick burger sell some kit and into changing rooms for 20/20.  Nathan wins toss into field v Woking. Good effort Nomaan gets some, Fast Cars bowls well, Eddy C does ok as does Coley, extracting best two players, and Immy. I think they get 128. Highlights Harry falling over trying to catch easy one, dropped and Charles the Coach Edmunds catching beauty as did Matty D.
 
Nomaan and Nath open and good start, wicket slow. Why did we invest in new strip same money could have kitted out club in nice new gear. Not 100% sure of what happened but we needed 16 off two overs got them Fast Cars smacked ball 119 for 4, victory.
 
Then straight into 30 game! Lloydy opens up with FastCars.  Graham triggers Fastcars so he can have a waz, not sure Fastcars was happy with that.  Lloydy gets beaten and bowled one thing about Lloydy has good kit. Coley and Harry put on a few Nathan gets a quack, not much to speak about both Smiths looking smart in proper Wick gear old man Smith in proper pullover nice. To be fair Nathan always looks the part as well. Think we got 114 starting to get a bit cold.
 
Tea generally gd.  Avoided tuna, suggest you do same next week if brown triangles are presented, DBW a master of the freezer.  Riley umpiring, apparently he been promoted to first team umps. Apparently couple of the boys said on Sat said he's been sleeping in his son in law's, Pablo's bed. Amazing what can change at start of new season. Saw AJ sat as well, good to see him, plus family Fudge and family Hibby. Fertile bunch. Anyway AJ desperate to get fit for fixture v Old Hamptonians, so he can spank his chums.
 
Post tea GSmith opens bowling lovely stuff, no reward no justice. Charltron gets a couple so does Tanveer, Mo stumps dangerous bat with shooter, surprise victory on cards. Young Smith gets a couple, but they get it with a couple to spare. Late finish Good effort. Quick beer. Lock kit cupboard.
 
 
 

Series Starts - Will Wickman Watch?

It seems barely credible but there's to be a Test Match at Lords this week. Later in the Summer it's to be used as a venue for archery. If they moved the start of the Olympics forward a bit they could do the synchro swimming here now. The mighty West Indies are in town at the moment and if England don't destroy them in this series then something will be tragically wrong with our boys.

To date the oppo have had one trot out against England A which they lost by 10 wickets. So thin on the ground are they resources wise they didn't let their Test attack bowl much in the second innings in case they got injured. Either they are supremely confident in their ability to hoop it around on a grey Thursday at Lords or their team is as tightly stretched as Mackie's leg muscles and just as likely to snap.

An article that Wickman read on bbc.co.uk was trying to make the best of a bad do. Jimmy Adams - once the finest batsman in the world - gave us six to watch. Oh dear. What about the other five? That bad? Derren Bravo looks like a test cricketer as does Kemar Roach but you wouldn't turf out Jonathan Trott or Stuart Broad to accommodate them in the England side.

If Wickman had known all those Saturday afternoons ago when he stood and roared at Dominic Cork thrashing around to win that Test at Lords when we bowled them out for 50something that that was the start of a slide into terrible mediocrity for the West Indies he would have shed a tear.

Because for someone of Wickman's vintage the West Indies were simply magnificent before Brian Lara and Curtley were even out of nappies. Watching them, under Clive Lloyd's captaincy was a joy. With a batting line up all of whom would have been picked in every other side of the day - including IVA Richards who may just have been Wickman's favourite bat ever - and a bowling line up that was awesome in a very dangerous kind of way - they were just brilliant to watch.

30 years later they aren't worth the ticket price are they? Wickman can't even imagine that lot getting on the plane for a series beginning in May knowing the South Africans are the major draw of the Summer. In fact that would have been the ultimate insult.

New Season - same old Wickman

Good evening readers

The 2012 Wick cricket season is underway with games all of a sudden coming in a flurry like London buses. At the weekend four teams represented the Wick in league cricket - which is unique in the (barely living) memory of the balcony.

We should quietly pat ourselves on the back here as its some achievement to get what is essentially a club attached to the hamlet of Hampton Wick into four Surrey Championship competitions from a position less than a decade ago where we were struggling to get 22 fit men and boys out there.

This weekend saw four excellent performances with wins for the newly promoted 1s by a comfortable margin (a ton for Normy and a Michelle for Daisy), the 2xi in a game which saw a quite astonishing and impudent knock of 117 from Zo Tughral which transformed the game and the 4s who won on debut after Phil Linter's five for wrecked Egham's challenge. The 3s had to endure a titanic rearguard from a depleted Walton side who managed to prevent a Wickwash scoring at just over 1 an over for 50+ overs...

And so the blog is slowly coming back to life after a quite unpardonable Winter off - with a plea... We need more writers. Wickman is a busy boy these days and would appreciate some musings and contributions from members. Just let m know, whoever he is, that you are interested...

Ten men went to mow…

Net Practice at Egham



Egham 4xi vs HWRCC 4xi

HWRCC won the toss and inserted the opposition
Egham 65 all out (Bartlett 22*, Bala 20, E. X. Tras 15) (Linter 5 for some, Bendall 2 for more, Hoppe 2 for very few, Collier 1 for)
HWRCC 66 for 3 (Clark 37*, Selves 12, E. X. Tras 12)

HWRCC wins by 7 wickets

Selves*, Nicholls, Clark, Bendall, Linter, Laight, Collier, Hoppe, Sohail, Edmonds, Lloyd+

Back in the 1970s on a chilly but sunny late Spring day like Saturday your father would pack you into the back of the family Capri, Datsun or Leyland Princess and you’d “go for a drive”. I think we were subject to this as our parents wished to escape the badly constructed post-war semi-detacheds we lived in, the white dog sh*t littered pavements and the power cuts and poverty.

This was almost always on a Saturday because nothing in this country was open on a Sunday. The shops used to shut at Wednesday lunch time in those days too. So Sunday was for gardening. On a Saturday afternoon, if your Dad was not into sport, as Wickman Sr was not, you’d be packed into the car with a flask of tea and a couple of rounds of sandwiches and you’d be off to “explore”.

Wickman is not nostalgic for it. If you left before lunch you missed the Saturday wrestling on World of Sport, and Grandstand, and the only American cartoons which were on all week. And he was that small he could barely see out of the windows in the back. It was before booster seats and the like so you spent your Saturday staring at a headrest.

Perhaps the greatest torture of it all was the accompanying songs. Perhaps cars didn’t have radios then. Wickman cannot recall. But folk used to sing songs in cars to pass the time. Perhaps it was just the Wickmans who did. But songs were sang. There was one which concerned the Lillywhite Boys – not the sports emporium in London so of no use to me – another about a large number of green bottles – but the one which really took the biscuit was Ten Men Went to Mow A Meadow.

If you are not familiar with it, it’s one of those songs which is essentially a big bloody time waster. Ten blokes go out to mow the meadow. Ten men, nine men, eight men, seven men (please fill in here), two men, one man AND HIS DOG wwwwwwwweeeeent to mow a meadow. The next round starts with nine men and then eight. Dear God. Occasionally Wickman hears versions of this song emanating from the terraces. And they make his blood run cold.

And yesterday’s cricket was summed up by that terrible, time-wasting tune. Many men on the oppo team went to mow in a meadow. And they mostly missed those mows and donated their wickets to the Phil Linter / Dave Bendall / James Hoppe benevolent fund.

There’s not a great deal of cricket to report on from this game. By the time the little hand had gone past two and the big hand was pointing South, Egham’s innings was in ruins for the above miserable score. Two batsmen contributed 42 between them. Extras there were 15. So the rest of the Egham team – 9 batsmen – contributed an execrable 8 runs. There were six ducks, no batsman from No 6 onwards managing a run. Collapse? You betcha! Charles was asking whether or not we should be taking tea. Too soon, Charles, too soon.

The opposition skipper for the day was a wily old bird, gelled silver hair, who clearly knew his cricket. He was unfortunate to lose the toss and be inserted by Selvesy who had decided that at this point in the season, with our batsman short of netting and middle time, it would be useful to have a look at things and chase.

Quite so. The ground was okay. Verdant following all the rain. It was bounded on one side by a bunch of functional looking sports buildings – perhaps squash courts and a gym. And not much else. You could almost be in the country. There were covers - University money ensuring that this was a cut above the usual 3s/4s facilities. But despite the covers the deck was pretty stodgy. Clarky’s car key eased into the track up to the hilt like Jimmy C into a well lubricated Saturday conquest from Barcadia. Footprints were visible on the deck as people walked across it. It was flatter than Renee Zellweger.

Don’t get me wrong. This was a good track given the weather we’ve been having and we’ll brook non complaint. But it was slowwwwww. When Steve Plinter and Rozzer Bendall opened up anything short sat up and was despatched, with LOTS of bottom hand, like Christmas parcels to Australia in September. Opener Bala smashed Bendall repeatedly through mid on whether the skipper placed someone there or not. Early on the Winter’s rust was evident in both our lads and there was spraying, full bunging and half trackers to amuse us. The oppo openers got away to a bit of a flier (although the outfield grass was long and there was no value for shots along the floor). But our boys both soon worked out that pitching it up was most likely to gain rewards.

Up until now, due to the aforementioned short pitched bowling, the oppo’s approach, while excessively bottom handed and agricultural, was excusable on the basis of the results achieved. 30-0 or similar. However the oppo bats didn’t work out that you needed to play straight if the ball was pitched up and continued to try to hoick everything to leg. Both were bowled attempting one mow too many.

The skipper came out and frankly the youngsters on Egham’s side should have paid attention to how he played. Immediately diagnosing that there was nothing to be gained by trying to shovel straight balls into the leg side he played straight as an arrow, defended the straight stuff, and picked off anything off his legs to nurdle and nudge his way along.

But oh, oh, oh at the other end his callow charges perished and perished and perished playing across the line, saying “pah” to his example. In all there were 4 bowleds for Splinter and 2 for Bendall as a procession of bats simply missed straight ones trying to mow the ball through midwicket. The skipper leaned on his bat at the non-strikers end when he wasn’t imploring them to play straight, and watched as a position of 30-0 turned into 50 for 7 in no time at all. Wickman tells me Clarky was hearing the meadow mowing tune in his head but just didn’t have the heart to hum it out loud.

Collier was employed to do what Collier does (does it turn?) and was delighted when any fightback was snuffed out by a good one handed, sort of diving (bit more of a collapse really), reaction catch held at cover by a sprawling Clarky. Bendall was changed out to make way for debutant James Hoppe (U 15) who impressed everyone by bowling economical wobbly medium pacers and mopping up the tail. In the end 65 runs were amassed and the skipper was not out.

Edmonds and Lloyd were sent out to begin the reply. Lloyd was unimpressed to be sent back in the first over LBW to The Chairman. Edmonds was similarly removed at the other end. The Wick were 4-2 and for a moment or two 65 seemed a long way away. Egham had a very useful colt who was pitching it up and seaming it off the pitch and Clarky and Selvesy were wondering whether defeat could be snatched from victory’s gaping maw.

It really wasn’t a great track to bat on because due to the damp. But C and S had observed from the oppo skipper that if one played straight, blocked out the good stuff and waited for something to nurdle, a living could be made.

And so they did. It can’t have been particularly enervating for the spectators, but together they wore down the opening bowlers, looking solid in defence and squirted singles around to take the pressure off. As they settled down (although it didn’t get much easier) the ones turned into twos (although never threes, Clarky is less mobile these days and back on the Players Navy Cut).

Mostly when they tried to hit anything hard, timing was awry and instead of glorious square cuts or late dabs they ended up playing horrible cross batted swots up the track. But we carp and quibble. They stayed out there and got the job done in a way that the oppo hadn’t managed. Towards the end Clarky attacked a bit more as the openers (and he) tired and even flicked a satisfying four over square in between smashing one into his own goolies and another into his left calf. But this was not an IPL smash and grab. More a county game from the 1970s on a sticky dog.

With the scores level (the pair put on 61 together in 20 overs of attrition) and Clarky trying to give Selvesy the opportunity to win it, the skipper selflessly feathered one behind so that Kirky could come in and smite the winning runs to third man.

In the end this was a game about experience. Egham, batting first and having no idea what a decent score looked like, were simply not patient enough and went after good balls like dogs at broth when circumspection was the order of the day as evidenced by their skipper. The Wick bowlers put it on the spot from time to time and profited. In reply the Wick were careful and measured, eschewing risk and seeking reward through victory rather than flashy boundaries and slogs.

Tea was awful. A new low. The brew itself was served in the same plastic cups as the game time squash. The sandwiches were standard at best. And not standard in the way that the youth use the word standard at the moment. They were simply ordinary. While there was sliced fruit and some supermarket biscuits, we were made to endure the eating of the tea in an unused changing room. It was like eating a picnic in a motorway layby in the 1970s mentioned above with songs being sung by your mother. An abomination and not what Clarky had told Wickman he was coming out of retirement for. With a name like Egham, he was expecting… more. A four is goo generous for this tea. So three. Things can only get better.

So there we have it. Hopefully Egham’s youngsters will think about their skipper’s valiant scrapping innings and play a bit straighter next week. Our bowlers will see that the reward they gained came from bowling a good length. And those poor folk who were fielding on the off side – Sohail and the Chairman – who must share TFC this week – will be in the game at some point.

MOM Phil Linter, 5 for 17 – you can’t ask much more of your opening bowler at this point in the season

HWRCC 1xi vs Kingstonian

HWRCC 1XI lost to Kingstonian 1XI by 5 runs - by Matty D

Im not afraid to say it - I bloody love Britain's Got Talent. I used to hate these reality talent shows but now they are brilliant. ITV Player was made for these programmes. Tonight I've been watching a loan of grannies rap, a farmer play the xylophone, a camp german singing whilst wearing a 30ft golden cape and a woman wrap her feet behind her back, over her shoulders and under her pits. Now that’s talent!

The Wick this season has its own conveyor belt of talent coming through and there will be lots of new names for regular readers to get used to. This week it was the turn of young Alex Dare to make a belated adult debut - straight in at the deep end for the 1XI opening league fixture of 2012! Beyond Alex there have been a steady stream of really talented youngsters breaking through into the adult setup. I won’t name them here – they will get their turn soon enough no doubt.

This was the first game of the season and it showed. There was plenty of rustiness in the field and some dropped catches to boot. The bowling was no more than OK and the batting lacked some conviction. But there were also positives. The game was competitive, Kingstonian came 4th last year (we should have won quite easily really) and a young gun showed he has some real bottle.

The game was 35 overs and we made a good start in the field taking an early wicket. But thereafter things didn't go our way. A few dropped catches and maybe some nieve field placing mean't the ball fell in the gaps too often. The bowling was also too short and the pressure wasn't always kept up when it needed to be. Tongy and Fahad bowled OK without reward. The conditions were never going to suit Daisy’s pace and Noman operated off a short run up (yet despite the figures was perhaps the best bowler on the day). Kam also bowled poorly by his standards. But the story has to be young Alex Dare who making his senior debut in an cricket took the fight to the batsmen. At around 100-1 I asked him to lob it up there and give it a rip (he's a leggie btw) and they took the bait. Four great catches by 1XI debutant Finbar (cow), Kam (long off), Alex himself and Boney (behind the sticks) and Alex had taken 4-25 from 7 on debut! A quite magical performance and the balcony crew let us all know about it! Ks ended up 163ao which included some run outs towards the end.

As I said before, this was an OK performance, but on another day Ks could have been 100ao we could have knocked them off for 2 in no time. But cricket is about fine lines and our bating response was perhaps a wake up call for the season.

Davies fell early playing a nothing shot to a nothing ball Daisy and Ali set out building a response – easily keeping up with the rate without any alarms. Then Alex failed to mow a half tracker and skied one to the in field. Kammy joined Nom at the perfect time and they also put on another 50 runs easily, going at 4s or 5s. Kam went for a walk and then Nom didn’t walk fast enough. Wickets started to fall but we should have got home needing about 50 from 12 overs. We didn’t and a combination of poor shot selection, some inexperience and some silly run outs mean’t we finished up 5 short. Given the number of nieve mistakes we made all day the fact we only lost by 5 runs says it all.

If Im being crude MoM should really be Noman but the star of the show was obviously Alex, whose outwardly nerveless display defied his 14 years! However I’ll give the WoM to a combination of Alison Whitcher and Carol Dare. Alison taming her demons to score in the face of a howling wind and AJ, and Carol for being the latest Wick recruit on the balcony supporting the boys (and putting up with AJ). We lost but all things considered there are plenty of positives, considering that everyone can do lots better (and indeed did so all last season). That’s the challenge – and Im looking to the likes of Alex and Finber to keep us all on our toes.

5-0 Thrashing - Scapegoat Needed...

Graeme Swann's ill-timed biography is the real reason England lost 5-0 in India. After a summer where even the weather conspired against India to leave them without an International win, the hosts turned the tables on a hapless English side to leave them sorely embarrassed by their trip to the jewel in the crown.

The conditions in India are always difficult to navigate. Pitches which turn part-time twirlers into world beaters and fast bowlers into trundlers don't help. Evening dew, smog and rabid fans come together to make life uncomfortable for visiting teams. But how come this England team played with so little joie de vivre and elan? How did a team that won a game by 10 wickets in September lose 10 for forty something yesterday? Why are our players fighting each other and looking moodier than Stuart Broad after a trip to the match referee's hut?

Wickman's search for a scapegoat has stopped at Swanny's hotel door. In the week the boys left for the land of curry and abysmal musicals his auto-biography was serialised. In it he slags off the team's world class maverick bat, KP, saying that he couldn't captain his way out of a wet paper bag. He also laid into Fatty Patel for some ruck or other in the past. Wickman forgets the rest. But what a way to treat your teammates and your newish One Day skipper!

Swann then wasn't allowed anywhere near the media, was comprehensively out-performed by Patel and only managed two wickets in four games while folk like Tiwary - who bowls utter filth - filled their boots with English wickets. Without his chum de bum Jimmy A on tour, and probably having been bollocked half to death by the England management, Swann seemed subdued and cheerless in the field and was treated with scant respect by the oppo.

Those that follow English team members on Twitter will have observed the playground bully banter that Swann indulges in against teammates. His post match bravado filled interviews remind Wickman of the graceless offerings of rugby's Matt Dawson. Perhaps this time Swann's brand of braggadocio has had a far more profound affect on his own dressing room. Let's face it. India is probably THE hardest tour. You don't want to have to take it on with a divided team, many of them with knives in their backs either crticised outright by someone within the dressing room or damned with faint praise.

Wickman seriously worries about the upcoming 2020 international. Will the boys really want to play for a skipper that they can't trust?

Surrey Championship Dinner

Older viewers of the blog may well remember a few years back the farrago of Henry Kelly's visit to Sandown. If not, search the blog and enjoy a report of a previous visit to the SC Dinner when an inebriated Kelly bored and insulted Surrey's finest club crickets and administrators before being booed off. Folk that were there that night made lofty promises never to return etc etc. But with the venue moved to the Oval and reports that Surrey had cleaned up its act, Mao, Clarky, Mr Bean, Alison, Nathan and various excited 3xi players decided to climb in to pick up the 3xi Div 2 Champions Trophy.

Ever so suprsingly we all had a cracking evening. The booze was drinkable and the evening's entertainment was... well... entertaining. The evening was well compered by a chap called Roger Makin who blended quick fire wit with hilarious tales of conceding an enormous number of goals against the Squareheads in a hockey international back in the day.

Tea received 6 out of ten. Cauliflower soup with some excellent croutons, some kind of beef and ale pie with veg and a pudding that evades the memory.

Theo Paphitis of Dragons Den and sponsor Rymans fame submitted to a Q&A and acquitted himself well despite the lateness of the hour and the imbibed nature of the audience.

The man that put the Wales into the England and Wales Cricket Board - offspinner Robert Croft - handed out the prizes and then told a number of amusing anecdotes about his time at Glamorgan. As this was towards the end of the evening, recollections are sparse but mostly involved Viv Richards smashing crap bowling into the Bristol Channel and the punchline "That's comin back wid seaweed on it". It was very amusing if you were there.

Pictured are the 3xi with Alison, brandishing the "trophy" [coming to a wall near you soon] and giving manly hugs to Crofty himself. Who was a legend and didn't mind having a bunch of well-oiled folk demanding photos of him with various bits of brass and silver.

1xi Season Report

HWRCC 1XI 2011: Promoted. Unbeaten. Job done.

I want to tell you a story. Once upon a time in a Royal Park not far away a cricket team decided to pull their finger out and achieve something they had been threatening to do for 4 long years. Ever since a dark day in Godalming in 2007, when the same team (if not the same personnel) failed miserably to chase down 160 on the flattest track south of the Kennington Oval, the Wick 1xi had been caught in limbo - stuck in a standard of cricket that varies from the sublime to the ridiculous, and in a league designed to frustrate...

Or is it? If there is one lesson that we should take from this season, it's that cricket is even more than ever a game played in your head. It's about pressure and how you handle it. Forget the rules, forget the pitch. Forget the silly dibbly-dobbly who could get you caught at mid on. They don't matter - and this year they didn't as the boys produced a season full of verve and drive that put such pressure on opposition teams that not only did we turn up believing we were going to win, the opposition turned up expecting to lose.

The league season reads P17, W12, D4, A1. Bearing in mind there were two draws in the final two games, you can get a sense of how dominant we were. There are some well worn facts about this team that I will mention here - most of these are reported on a weekly basis so need not be repeated at length:

Nomaan Ali scored 719 league runs this year and over 900 including cup games. His last two scores were 2 and 0. Cricket is a strange game. That is quite a ridiculous return and he will win League batsman of the Year.

We chased large totals (220 against Shepperton off 35 overs for the loss of 3 wickets) and small totals (smiting Ripley away like a pesky fly). We defended large totals (240 against Old Paulines and then bowled them out for 170) and when we'd struggled invariably on difficult tracks we turned up the pressure-ometer and cleaned the opposition up (Wallington for example).

The fact that Zammack often batted number 11 gives a clue as to the strength of our batting - pretty much everyone could bat top 6 in almost all opponents' line ups. Adam O'Mahoney took the most catches in the league (in fact all 4 divisions of the Fullers setup I believe) - probably because we found more edges than anyone else. At times I had seven bowlers to choose from - all of whom were more than capable of cleaning up (and invariably took it in turns to do so - Zamm, Graham Tong, Alex, Nomaan all taking 5 wicket hauls)... and the ever reliable Kamm and Shri complemented by the incoming Iain Tong and Vish made our attack almost ridiculous. In fact it was ridiculous.

But these stats don't tell the story that needs to be told - and that's about cricket more generally. I remember remarking to The Lord (Pete Culham for the uninitiated) once in the bar perhaps 12 years ago after a tough game in the Thames Valley, that to win at cricket you had to be a C*NT. I think he was taken aback by my frankness. To be fair I was probably drunk as most 15 year olds would have been after a lager shandy (oh how lax standards were in those days - Ed), but I stand by this sentiment, even if the term used didn't, and still doesn't, accurately describe what I mean. You have to be ruthless. You can't hide. Forget looking stupid, you have to out yourself out there, but you also need to value your wicket. It's not easy, but winners have to earn the right to be such, and you don't get anything for coming third - not in the Fullers. And most importantly you have to be selfish. A selfish b*stard.

We won loads of games this year and many a turning point can be pointed at, but I'd like to tell a short tale of two contrasting fixtures that arguably gave me more pleasure than any of the fixtures than preceded them. They were the final two games - neither of which were won, but both of which showed everything that is great (and terrible) about cricket and provide a fitting conclusion to a successful season.

Chobham

We were promoted with 2 games to go. Mathematically guaranteed. But we were still in the hunt for the league title. Our arrival at a sunny Chobham was met with total indifference by an opposition who seemed to care more about the Daily Mirror than playing cricket. Not even a "Hello", or even an acknowledgement that it was wet - just total indifference. And I wouldn't have minded if it was indeed wet! It was bloody dry. I had to invade their precious clubhouse and invite them to take their covers off so that the wicket (covered for 2 days) could be viewed and allowed to dry (again... not that it was wet!). There were a few puddles that needed skewering (a 5 minute job that we as the opposing team did) and we should have been off. There were numerous other incidents that I need not go into here - suffice to say there is probably a reason that that club only has 16 registered adult players.

The game in effect became an absolute damp squib, with yours truly and Kam (under my instruction) opting to block out 15 overs out of principle to secure a draw, rather than gamble and go for a winning draw/win and risk a loss and give Chobham points they didn't deserve. The abuse received in the field (and to a certain extent in the dressing room) was perhaps understandable, but reasons for this approach will be explained shortly.

Battersea Ironsides

Battersea were an absolute pleasure to host. The weather was fine and the track looked a belter. As is tradition, Battersea have a few strong bats up top and then fade away. They also have a few decent bowlers and one who gives it more flight that Delboy. Battersea won the toss and batted. The track was lurvely and despite one eary breakthrough from Graham, the runs were coming freely. In Zamm's absense this necessitated a lengthly spell from Mr Relibale Kam Raza who bowled 15 overs of controlled off spin. The 3rd wicket fell with the score on 190 and Batterseas ended up on 210 off 51 overs. The fact it took so long is testament to the control of all bowlers on the day who kept their discipline. For the record, at the death if Kam had taken a catch at cow Alex would have had a hat trick. Heehee.

In response we were soon in trouble with Noman leaving the third ball of the day that hooped in and bowled him. Neither Alex nor Adam lasted much longer which left some rebuilding work for Raza and Davies. With an attacking brief, both moved things along, putting on about 120 for the 4th wicket. As both tired, the turning point may have actually been their lazy dismissals, bringing as it did some fresh legs to the crease. Iain Tong and JMJ set about the task of going at a run a ball for 12 overs with great gusto - some powerful heaves, intelligent running and classy drives kept the scores moving along beautifully. As the balconies filled and the sun began to set a great finish was in order. Iain fell, as did Matt Cronin, leaving Vish with JMJ. A few smites and he was gone, leaving about 18 off the last two, and 9 off the last, Wick 8 wickets down and all results still possible. 4 to win off the last ball, JMJ on strike - it's heaved to cow and JMJ is run out diving full stretch going for the 3rd. Wick get the winning draw and a fitting end to a great season.

Conclusions and lessons learnt

These last two games tell many stories. Firstly, the Wick had earned the right to play the game how we wanted it to be played. We'd secured promotion with 2 games to go and from a position of comfort we were able to dictate terms. Chobham? Screw them. We didn't lose and ended up being unbeaten for an entire season - they could only dream of winning cricket matches and the fact we were able to prevent them doing so when they had a real chance gives me great satisfaction and is in my view a 'win'. HWRCC were promoted and Chobham ened up relegated - you really do get what you deserve. Kam and I played like c*nts that final 12 overs, but we'd earnt the right to do so. That's cricket. And would it have been fair to the team that fought hard elsewhere to avoid relegation for us to play like idiots? No.

Secondly, in the Battersea game we were able to get within 2 runs of chasing 210 (off 43 overs remember), having been 20-3. Noman didn't get anything, nor Alex who was off the back of 40, 60 and 40 in his last three innings. Yet we still had the strength in character and depth of quality to get within a simdgen of winning, chasing over 200.

Thirdly, the Wick is a glorious place to be. Whilst Chobham is a great tour venue with the attractive spire and the lush english field feeling, it doesnt have the dramatic character of the Wick on a warm summer's evening with two full balconies. And JMJ running himself out off the last ball going for a third run made for a great season finale.

Fouthly Battersea continue to be a great club and we shall miss them next year. At least 8 of them hung around for drinks for a few hours. We shall investigate some pre-season friendlies next year.

Finally - the team went unbeaten for an entire league season. That is a remarkable achievement. To not let your guard down even once to lose, and when the guard was wavering someone propped up the side like a girder. Every team has stars but we've had at least 18, 20 including Keith and Alison, who are as much part of the scene as anyone.

We are now going places.....game on.

Tour Report - by Selvesy

"Edmonds finds a crack early on, but is reportedly retired drunk later"

Touring X: Davies. Cronin. O'Mahoney. Tong, G. Tong, I. Fahad. Edmonds. Selves. Charlton. Mo Bal.(Denly, Joe Saturday only).

Saturday 17th September Hampton Wick Touring X vs the Bars of Canterbury and Faversham.

Sunday 18th September Hampton Wick Touring X vs The Phoenix Tavern CC

Hampton Wick Touring X won by 71 runs.

HWRCC: 260 for 5 from 36
Ian Tong (Ting) 50* retired
Bonny 45
Cronin 41
Matty D 37*
Tongy 31
Fahad 12
Charlton 4* (reverse sweep)
Selves 1 (gloved at that!)

The Phoenix Tavern CC 189 all out from 33
Mohit 2-45
Charlton 2-32
Bonny 2-20
Tongy 2-26
Selvesy 1-3
Cronin direct hit run out (got spanked bowling)
Edmonds spanked.
Fahad too quick.

As a fantastic season for the WICK came to a close a few of the lads jumped in their cars and headed down to Kent for a last swing and chuck. With Saturday’s game falling through Matty D filled the void with a tour of the Shepherd Neame brewery in Faversham. Chedwood had spent the trip down drinking a slab of fizzy lager in the back of Matt Cronin's car and found the forty minute tour without booze, yet talking about nothing but booze, quite hard to deal with.

Fahad, however, was loving the history of how the English mix together lots of good healthy things and turn them into muddy water that induces more love from some men than most show to their wives. The tasting session and drinks after got the boys back in the flow and Fahad debated the relative merits of Coke and Pepsi while Chedwood ordered a lager at the bar in the oldest bitter brew house in the UK.

A quick sprucing up and the allocation of accommodation then off to Canterbury to look at the cathedral. In Canterbury there where a few firsts: Chedwood got served without ID and paid for a whole round by themselves (the boys are growing up so fast); Mo ordered so much Sambuca that they had to serve the fourth round of shots in ten minutes in sherry glasses; for five minutes the Wick had an international batsman on tour with them, Joe Denly, but he bottled it when Mo went back to the bar for the fifth round of bucas; Fahad went to a night club (the term night club is used as loosely as the term tour for a one match trip to Kent). Much hilarity took place in said establishment, including the wonders of Ian Tong (Read Ting) as a magnet for any lady in Kent and Chedwood announcing they love Canterbury while Selvesy and Matty D turn to each other and ask if they are getting too old for this shi....

Back in Faversham the decision to put Chedwood next to a bathroom paid off as they both brought up their kebabs in spectacular style (Ed needs a new sleeping bag). In the morning there was some percussive rugby watching and then we remembered why we were there.

Selvesy won toss and chose to bat. Deciding there was a chance for some runs Fahad (the only one sober at the time) and Selvesy opened up on a track that was as green as Chedwood after a night of Sambuca and vomming. Fahad blazed to 12 before missing one. Selvesy missed everything except the one that he gloved down the leg side for 1 before missing a straight one. Selvesy's father looked on wondering what his son actually did at those expensive boarding schools and where it all went wrong.

Cronin and Tongy G steadied the drunken ship, although with some interesting shots at times from Tongy, and a few dropped catches later had the WICK at 61 for 2 off 17. At this point it should be said that each incoming bat was told the shot they had to play off the first ball they faced and Tongy’s leg glance off one pitching outside off was a giggle. Then when Tongy got skittled (Fahad has the video footage from the umpire spot, link to you tube coming soon) Bonny went in needing a reverse sweep off the first ball. He survived, just.

Once the opening bowlers quotas were up Bonny and Cronin went on to punish the change bowlers. Cronin fell in the 40s and Ting strode out with his first shot to be a leave. The opposition had by now twigged what was going on and had realised that someone would be told to leave his first ball at some point. However with the openers done they lacked someone who could hit the stumps to order and Ting was safe fielding arms as the bowler ran up to the stumps. After his sighter Ting then gave it a good whack. The score went up like Mo's bar tab and the WICK were soon on 120 for 3 from 22 and Bonny was now having to bat while Selvesy, umpiring, was telling him with sign language what shot to play as the bowler ran in (stick cricket with real people). This time the reverse sweep was quality but Bonny eventually went for 45.

Out came Matty D as the bowler said, "the problem is every wicket we take the batting gets better". He then bowled a good ball and Matty D played a solid block. Matty D wasn't playing the “this is your first your shot” games like those pesky kids. Ting hit 50 and took a bow and out went Charlton, the one who puts the wood in Chedwood. First shot instructions: reverse sweep slog. Charlton will struggle to play a better shot ever again. It nearly went for six and the opposition was starting to dread what would happen when Mo and Charles got in. But the heavens opened and the WICK declared for an early tea on 260 for 5 from 36. Which is a shame, as Mo does like to Mohit. Although Charles was happy as he still looked as green as the wicket.

The rain did not last and the boys took to the wet pitch with a bar of soap that had swelled nicely over tea. Charlton and Mo (who likes to Mohit Mohit, sung to the tune of, I like to move it move it. Matty D comedy genius) opened up and both hit the sticks in their first over. Charlton picked up another with a one handed catch from Edmonds and Selves senior came to the crease.

All catching had to be one handed and the way Charles took a regulation sitter with one hand suggests a change of technique could be of benefit for the WICK'S most loveable chain smoker. Selvesy was not planning on bowling but when Charlton pulled up with a Sambuca related injury Selvesy, standing at mid off, was the closest to fill in. A couple of overs later, having trapped his old man lbw (so plumb the umpire, employed by Selves senior, had to give it) Selvesy took himself off for Edmonds with The Phoenix on 65 for 4 from 10 (45 of those from their gun bat).

Edmonds paid the price for his hangover and perhaps he should have tweaked the ball a bit more like the rather attractive lady's derrière outside of the kebab house that morning. Indeed the dexterity with which Charles held and ate a kebab in one hand whilst working his magic with the other shows great promise with the ball with a bit more practice. That said so could the derriere tweaking, after a few goes the young lady made it clear that enough was enough. Meanwhile Mo plugged away at the other end (we are back on the cricket now) and picked up another clean bowled.

The Phoenix were 75 for 5 and along with the opening bat who was close to 50 their number seven was settling in and as it would have been a shame to take Fahad all that way without a bowl he had a go with a ball that now look like a soap on a rope after a tough day in the wormwood scrub showers. Three slips, gully, fly slip and point, Mo drying the ball at midd off and Bonny, having given the gloves to Cronin, pacing the leg side warming up his bowling arm. Fahad bowled so well with the soap but was perhaps a bit too good (and quick) to find the edge. Charlton had another go at the other end and the Phoenix dug, edged and pulled their way to 128 for 5 from 26. With the Phoenixes gun bat in the 80s it needed something special and Bonny replaced Charlton. First ball gun bat caught and bowled. Half tracker would be unfair but their bat did well to hit it before it bounced again. But Bonny got a taste for it and finding a line just outside off picked up another with a great catch, one handed of course, at deep cover by Charlton.

Tongy replaced Fahad and gave us all a glimpse of the off spin he plans to bowl in his late thirties and Mo took a great, you guessed it, one handed catch at midd off. By now Cronin had had a go keeping and gave the gloves to Mo so Cronin could have a bowl. However before he could get on he picked up a drive at midd off and with a direct hit ran out the non striker. Cronin then came on for Bonny and perhaps wished he didn't. Luckily for him though Tongy wrapped things up at the other end next over but not before Mo had let one bye through, and with each bye resulting in a round of Sambuca Mo was also a happy man when the stumps got hit. The Phoenix all out for 189 from 33.

Other than perhaps the 2 run win in the 3s top of the table clash this year it was one of the best WICK games this writer has played in, genuine fun on all sides. Plans are in place for a three or four day tour to Kent again next season with games of varying standard but certainly taking on the Phoenix again. WICK.

Barbados Tour 2013

With the proposed tour 18 months away, we are now looking to confirm with people who wish to come along.

At the moment we have 10 people signed up to the direct debit scheme. At this stage, we are wanting people who are looking to come on tour but not signed up to the direct debit scheme to commit £250 by October 31st so we can start looking towards booking flights in April 2012. We will need to book flights around this time to secure the best prices/deals in terms of luggage and flights. We are looking to get 20 people signed up.

Please can you reply to hwrcctour2013@hotmail.co.uk by September 20th to let us know:

a) yes I want to come on tour and will pay £250 by October 31st

b) No I dont want to come on tour

c) I am unsure at the moment. Details of the bank details will be sent over.

thanks

TEAMS - SAT 3RD SEPT

SAT 3RD SEPT

1ST XI V BATTERSEA (H)

1 Ali 2 Day 3 O'Mahoney (+) 4 Raza 5 Davies © 6 Tong, I 7 Maddoc-Jones James 8 Cronin 9 Tong, G 10 Abeyrante, Vishva 11 Shinde

U: K. Nicholls S: A. Whitcher

M: 12:30 S: 13:30

2ND XI V GODALMING (A)

1 Rashid 2 Jackson © 3 Mackie (+) 4 High 5 Crowther 6 Soppitt 7 Tanveer, Fahad 8 McMullan 9 Charlton 10 Donnelly 11 Goodwin

U: S. Riley S: N/A

M: 10:30 S: 12:00

3RD XI V Old Rutlishians (H)

1 N. Singh © 2 Goulborn 3 Clements (+) 4 Byrne, Dan 5 Edmonds 6 Kamboh, Nav 7 Miles 8 Vijayakumar, Pradeep 9 Linter 10 Sadiq, Zeeshan 11 Ilyas, Aqeel

U: N/A S: N/A

M: 11:30 S: 12:00

Good Luck To everyone involved.

WICK