HWRCC 1st xi vs Guildford City - Losing draw - by Matty D

HWRCC 1XI v Guildford City 1XI.

GC: 197-8d (49)

HW: 170-9 (46)

GC winning draw.

First things first…….Second things second, as always.

This was an excellent game of cricket played by two good teams in the right spirit. Guildford City deserve a lot of credit for their declaration as well as their attitude to the game.

Mattyd, having won paper/scissors/stone (stone – fact) inserted GC on a track that looked and played better than last week. Kam’s first ball was a peach and Joey snaffled the opener at gully.

Joey then proceeded to dominate Mr Lane, as well as tying down the GC overseas. Being faced with an inny-outty field, Lane struggled to middle anything and was late on the full straight one many times. His nicks also fell into gaps, and his 30-odd was not exactly fluent. GC’s two batsmen were watchful and Joey was extremely unfortunate to not get a wicket in his opening salvo.

Mattyd then turned to Zammack who bowled an absolute pearler to Lane first ball, and Kam did the rest at slip. To be honest the game then drifted along with GC unsure of what would be a good total on an unusual track. A few balls kept low as normal, the odd one took off, but in the main the track was easy to bat on, and a little faster than last weeks old mattress.

Fordy and Kam’s second spells were successful, with wickets falling, the Wick reducing GC to 150-7. Unfortunately as last week the oppo tail rallied and stuck it out reaching 197 off 49 overs. The Wick track this year is fairly easy to stay in on, and if you’ve got some patience, quite simply its got to be a good ball to get you out.

Cwor its was humid. It was so humid it almost drowned out the sound of the fielders and we deserve credit for sticking it out in such uncomfortable conditions. Mackie’s keeping was excellent given the fact he’s not a regular. Shaun bowled well despite getting a blow on the knee early doors, and Joey was as fiery as normal. However, as has been the case too often this year, the fielding wasn’t up to last years standards, despite the best efforts of all. A few few drops (of varying difficulty) and a few fumbles kinda sums up our season thus far – just short of where we need to be, and should be.

In response, Barrell’s opening birth failed ‘Les Miserables’ as he fell first ball, having his off stick raped by the quick opener. MattyD and Sammy MaC then steadied the ship, surprisingly for MattyD he was pushing the 1s and 2s. Sam was in zero trouble, until he managed to hit one down gullys throat. MattyD, feeling as comfy as a DFS sofa then missed a straight one and was lbw, also letting everyone know how annoyed he was……

Time for some fire fighting at 50-3, AJ and Kam looked good, and the Hibby and Kam looked better, playing attacking cricket and pushing the score along. Kam was imperious and Hibby a lively firecracker, timing the ball from ball 1 as normal. The score moved on to about 130-4, with the game being setup for a grandstand finale. Hibby then fell, being himself, and Mackie joined Kam for some hussle. ‘Hussle Baby Hussle’. After Mackie was run out (too much hussling) Kam began to tire and was caught and bowled from the overseas (bowled 17 overs, and got 65). It was then a case of the Wick hanging on – fire fighting – and Joey did this with aplomb.

Both teams were in this up until the final few overs, when the Wick ran out of batsmen at just the wrong time. Extremely disappointing, but you can accept being on the wrong end when the game was a good one, and also to a decent side (even if they were carried by a few players).

The day was a good one, with the 3s recording an excellent last gasp victory and the ruthless 2s keeping up their superb start to the season.

Last things last.

We’re still unbeaten, which is an excellent record to keep up. However maybe that little but of extra risk is what we need to take us up that extra 5% to start a run of victories. Equally, maybe taking a little less risk is what is needed. I think what we need is some luck to go our way and to start us off on a run, we’ve had scant little so far this year. But you earn luck. End of.

Having said that this was an improved performance, and the team is certainly bubbling nicely, lets just hope our push doesn’t come too late to challenge where it matters. I enjoyed my Saturday so I can’t complain.

(Guildford City's Mark Lane awards the ducks to Fordy for his batting display)

Collapso cricket sinks Guildford on cabbage patch

Guildford City vs HWRCC 2nd xi

Guildford won the toss and took to the field.

HWRCC 192-8 Sayce 50, Forbes 39, Soppitt 34

Guildford City 151 Soppitt 3-7, Ewen 3-36

Sayce, Lofting, Forbes, Fudge*, High, Clark+, Soppitt, Ewen, Greenwood, Hill, Lown

After every away game in the Fuller’s League this year the visitors are required to fill in a form. The form is an official record of the facilities visited. What happens with the data collected is not year clear. Perhaps, shortly, the Wick will receive a letter. It will tell us what we already know. That the outfield is a bit bumpy. That it keeps low at the Millennium Wood end. That deer dump on the grass. That we have excellent parking.

The forms marking Guildford City’s 2nd xi ground will be equally emphatic. Unfortunately the Old Guildfordians ground at which the 1s usually play was being used for a running event. All over Guildford slightly overweight females dressed in inappropriate lycra were dragging jiggly bits towards the ground, more in hope than expectation one surmised. Anyway, with the whole area under a sea of picnicking supporters and muffin tops, no cricket would be played there.

Which left your correspondent and his team mates to drive around Guildford, briefly stopping off to ask directions from a bemused Worplesdon and Burpham groundsman before arriving at something which resembled down town Bagdhad. Curated by Guildford Council this ground is a Barry Crocker bearing about as much resemblance to our own fecund pastures as, as Hamlet remarks of his dead father and his uncle, a Hyperion to a satyr. It was not the lush green meadow of the picture here...

Hyperion, Gentlemen, lest you forget, was one of the Titans. He was father to Helios, the Sun God. Shakespeare is suggesting that he was an all round good guy and someone to be looked up to. A satyr, on the other hand, is a grotesque creature, half-man and half-goat, symbolic of sexual promiscuity. A dirty sort of smelly thing, always rutting and probably, after rain, smelling rather grim. Shakespeare is not fond of satyrs. He is suggesting that a satyr is contemptible. The comparison, then, that he draws, is designed to tell us that the one is excellent, the other beneath contempt.

Which sounds harsh. But, like the Latvian Police, also fair. After a while the surroundings grow on you. But this is like the dangerous “office effect”. The office effect is a long observed phenomenon. It is where a perfectly ordinary member of the opposite sex joins a company and is immediately marked as a five of out of ten. Were the member a female she would be attractive, but largely unremarkable. Over time the individual’s personality, charisma and good eggness shine through and they unaccountably creep up to an unmerited eight out of ten. There is then a need for recalibration to bring people back to their senses because if a truly outstanding candidate were to join the company, with the scale so obviously out of whack there would be dangerous talk of tens or even, God forbid, elevens. And as everyone knows, there is no such thing as a ten out of ten.

Dear reader, I hope, despite these wanderings, that you are getting the picture. That, like a well directed telegram, the message has arrived. It was a stinker. The pitch was a patchwork of bare earth and closely mown tufts of grass. It was bereft of sightscreens. At one end we were lucky to have a half white mock something or other house behind the arm. At the other there was a children’s playground, and, gloriously, a dark red van belonging to Her Maj’s postal service. You couldn’t make it up. The pav was functional shall we say. There was no parking. All day dangerous looking locals walked dangerous looking dogs round the outfield. After Lingfield’s showers which, on weekends during the winter, might spit out icicles, Guildford’s were hot enough to cook lobsters humanely.

The pitch would play a decisive role in the game. Like an allrounder who boshes a quick fifty, pouches a couple of catches and takes four for, it was always involved. Whether producing a scuttler to bowl their unlucky opener for 49 before he took the game from us or in producing prodigious turn for their skipper’s offies or in putting doubt in the minds of nervous chasing batters it got involved in a big way. Every time you thought it had finished contributing it would stick its hand up or go through its bowling warm up motions in an exaggerated fashion to let you know it was there. Only seven batsmen made double figures.

Hmm. That’s almost 800 words without actually mentioning the game. Perhaps I had better get on with it. Fudgey lost the toss and, like Cilla Black belting out a catchphrase (Surprise, Surprise!) with the audience assisting, we were inserted. We were asked to watch Paul Sayce, on debut, and MS, bat. While MS looked untroubled he perished by edging one onto his stumps without playing as he has been known to. Forbes joined Sayce in the middle and a strange sense of calm descended on your humble scribe. As these two bats caressed and creamed the ball around the park it was very pleasant to be wearing the Dove, the Magenta and the Black. Class. Real class. Nothing belted, nothing smacked, nothing muscled all a joy to watch. Oh the off drives. Oh the glances. Oh oh oh oh oh. They put on almost 100 for the second wicket. Really, really good. Sayce perished eventually for 50, Forbes for 39. Both deserved more.

When Forbes played on too, echoing Lofting’s dismissal, Fudge, then High, then Clark displayed more lower order talent than middle order, collapsing, as they did, like the Hindenburg or R101 but without the loss of life. They went down in flames. Between them they managed to contribute 23 runs to the cause. It was left to Soppitt, once again, to mix aggressive shot making and aggressive running, to build us a defensible total. His 34 runs were invaluable. Doc swung baseball style at a couple to entertain us late on (loud Mooooooos were heard from the sidelines) and we took tea having declared on a useful (if slightly worrying) 191 from 50 overs.

And so to tea. Lloyd Grossman, that excitable foodie, would have struggled to find something to extend his vowels and consonants about. Welllllllllllllllll. Whooooooooooo’s in the kidchin todaaaayyy? There were no truly exciting ingredients. Lloyd gets excited by unusual ingredients. Ohhh. Kohlraaaaaaaabi. Mmmmmmm yesssss gooooooooooseberry. Fresh mushrooooooooooooms. Nope, there was nothing like this. Oh for a DBW tea. And it’s not often you see me write THAT! 6. No more, no less. 6. A D at A level. A pass, but not something you are going to rush home and tell your Mum and Dad about.

Guidlford were to be allowed 45 overs to overhaul us. And the way they set about the target it looked as if they intended to do it in 35 and get off home to watch some light entertainment on the box. My oh my did they play and miss to begin with. Goodness gracious did they try to leather the ball through mid off and miss. Crikey O’Reilly did they hit the ball hard when they connected. They put on lots for the first wicket. 70-ish. When four balls were bowled they despatched them. They could have charged postage and we wouldn’t have blinked. It was good batting. Clark grassed the only chance standing up to Krusty – a thickish edge that didn’t stick and looped to the floor. For a while it looked expensive.

While John Hill and Krusty bowled well, they will not come up against batting of this calibre every week. They will get away with more than they did another day. Ditto MS – who took the first wicket – the first of four great catches pouched by The Wick. Driving uppishly the very good Mohammed hit one towards Soppitt who managed to dive forwards and scoop one up inches from the turf at mid off before hanging on to it and doing a number of forward rolls. Genius and just the breakthrough we needed. Iqbal then smashed MS out of the attack – two huge consecutive sixes disappearing in the arc between long on and the stumps. He looked set to score big and take the game away from us.

With GCCC’s excitable wicket keeper at the other end things looked grim. GCCC passed 100 with only one wicket down. But the team hung in and an outrageous scuttler turned the tide to the Wick. Ewen, who had begun to get inside the head of both bats pitched one on a good length which pea-rolled. If it hadn’t crept through to bowl the bat, it would have been difficult to refuse as an LBW (note: none were given on Saturday despite some double and treble appealing by their keeper). The pitch helped us out – they must have been cursing the Council for putting them up on this rubbish.

All of a sudden things didn’t look quite so clever for GCCC. There was a sniff of fear about them. Early on, when the ball was disappearing to the boundary, there was some VERY cocky spectating going on. You would have thought they were 200-2 rather than 100-1. But now? Silence. Eerie. A very nervy looking No 4 came to the wicket. Scratched around and hoisted one of Ewen’s dobbers over Del’s shoulder. He pouched a second, excellent, catch. Quack. Mahmood, who had, as they say, given it the Barry McGuigan when we batted proceeded to let his team down by missing a straight one from Doc. Quack. Doc bowled excellently all day to return figures of 9-4-24-1. Control. Aggression. Subtle away swing. Really good.

The ‘keeper seemed to be Guildford’s last hope as panic set in. We mentioned this to him. Dick mentioned to him that his crossbatted style was unsuitable for the conditions. He ignored us (although clearly riled) and crossbatted a number of fours and a six. He seemed very pleased with himself. Right up until he slap / pulled the excellent Soppitt at shoulder height two yards to John Hill’s left. Hilly threw himself at the ball and held on to a quite stunning effort to remove him. And with his dismissal went all GCCC’s swagger and self belief. Rehman smacked one back at Dick who clung on to a one handed c&b. The skipper missed one from Del. Hussain was caught by Dom at full stretch over his head (goodness there was some fine catching) from another fine Del- ivery (see what I did there?). Aktar – not looking particularly proficient with the bat – called through his sluggish batting partner for a sharp single to Sayce. Saycey was having none of it and ran him out by so far that he wasn’t in the frame. Quack. A young player who hadn’t taken much part in the game then received the ball of the day from Lown who moved one away off the pitch to knock over the off stump. Quack. We had taken 9 wickets for approximately 40.

What a win! What a great game of cricket! To be so far behind the game and come back so emphatically. To stick at it and hang in there in the field when your cricketing brain said GCCC had it in the bag. Another win batting first. There cannot be enough superlatives to describe Del’s performance. 34 valuable runs to boost a meagre total. 4-1-7-3 with the ball. Two catches that turned the game around. He deservedly walks away with MOM. No TFC for this game as everyone turned up, everyone contributed something, everyone was part of a truly excellent team performance. Well done boys – it was an important one with others near the top of the table all winning. Let’s keep this level of performance going through June…

Something for the weekend...

With the 1s and 2s both playing Guildford City in the league this weekend it's a useful indicator of where HWRCC's two league teams have got to this year. Last year the 1s and 2s both clung on to record losing draws. While the 1s secured the Championship and confirmed an unbeaten season, the corresponding 2s fixture was played out in biting winds by a Guildford team which bore little resemblance to those that played the other 15 or so games that season. As we can see from this graphic, Guildford are strong enough to provide training at all levels, so The Wick should get a good game.

This weekend sees a strong 1s and experienced 2s pit themselves against City. The 1s line up with new finds MacArthur and Kamran in the side joined by Zammak (winner of the 2006 bowling prize) and Joey Ewen - on fire in a division where he doesn't need to hit the stumps to take wickets.

The 2s see a league debut for batsman Paul Sayce, further batting strength in the guise of Mike Forbes and a return to the side for Dick Ewen, making his way back to league cricket after serious injury in 2006. Dominic Lown, Derek Soppitt, The Doc and John Hill, all sporting ridiculous single figure averages, will all need to have the ball prized from their fingers.

And there's a 3s team out as well, facing up to Thames Ditton who play in the Fullers 3s league. This is extremely encouraging for the future of the club as many of the assembled are 2s players in disguise. And don't even ask about the unavailables...

This is NOT a match report

I have tried to write a match report from Saturday's game against Horley, I truly have. I've drafted it, re-drafted it, and every time it becomes a manifestation of frustration, anger and distaste. I have therefore this week decided not to write a match report, although events will be alluded to in the following piece and the stats from the game can be found at the foot of the page.

Instead I have decided to indulge in a rant. This will probably seem to many, the bitter ramblings of man who is looking for excuses for the failings of his own sides' performance; and being brutally honest with myself there is an element of that, but please try and see past the timing, and understand the crux of my argument.

We got a losing draw on Saturday. What is a losing draw? If it you look it up in the dictionary it will probably read negative, frustrating, pointless cricket. By the time I found myself at the crease with Joe Ewen on Saturday, Horley had put themselves well and truly in the box seat - 80-8. They needed two wickets for the victory, whilst we had to survive 8 overs to deny them the full 20 points, which meant prodding and patting the ball back down the pitch, whilst gaining nothing from the situation oursleves. All the while Horley gave us the expected mumblings of discontent...

'they come out here and give it the Barry*, and they're not even willing to have a go at it. You wouldn't catch us doing that. It's just cowardly, pointless cricket'.

This was obviously to get in our heads, and they themselves admitted they would have done the same in our situation. I felt thoroughly disgusted to be playing cricket of that type, but realised that our hand was forced. [*Barry is cockney rhyming slang - Barry McGuigan - 'Giving it the biggun'. Nothing to do with Wigan, Goldie]

And this is my point. The way the Fullers League rules are set up makes for formulaic cricket. Bowl first, restrict, and then knock the runs off. There is no need for the side bowling first to really attack. Not one person I speak to who plays in the league likes the rules. As England cricket fans we all bemoan the lack on success the national side have on the international arena, but none of us have a true understanding of 50-50 cricket because we don't play it.

Why don't we play genuine limited overs cricket. I have spent many an evening contemplating our league rules, both alone and over a beer with team mates and opposition. I have tried to see how we can put a positive spin on the league and step out of the predictable way that sides play the game, and the cupboard I can honestly say is pretty bare.

Cricket is a test of skill, against many unpredictable elements; the pitch, umpiring decisions, climate conditions etc...

What the league has done by saying you can only win, when bowling second is by bowling the opposition out, means every one bowls first and if they get into trouble they are forced onto the defensive, and the game is effectively finished as a spectacle. Their is no dramatic comeback as there is such a vast gulf between the points for a victory and accumulative batting/bowling bonus points.

The Positives

As I said I have tried to see the positives and how we can think about the rules in a different way to our advantage. By giving sides control over how many overs they can bat should they lose the toss, they are trying to make the toss less of a deciding factor on uncovered pitches, and encourage captains and players to take risks and think tactically. As we all know this well-intentioned idea has produced the exact opposite outcome.

It also prevents teams stacking their side full of batting and bit part all-rounders, and means captains and selectors have to pick attacking bowlers in the hunt for 10 wickets. It gives priority to guys like Zammak and Joey, who although are expensive at times, are genuine attacking bowlers who make the game exciting as a spectacle and to play.

So how would Saturday's game have been different if it had been a 45 overs aside game?

Having got Horley 88/7 in around 38 overs, I believe we would have bowled them out for under 100 as they were forced to get a total in 45 overs. Instead they did very well counter punch their way to 147 off 51.1 overs. We need to look at oursleves and how we let this happen, but take nothing away from Horley they used the overs available and played well. But we should have been chasing a much lower total in an equal amount of overs, not having to force the run rate on a very slow, low pitch, because we only had 44 overs.

Horley indeed should have walked away from this game with the full 20 points, and both sides were probably most dissapointed about the result because we want to get out of this league first and foremost because of the rules themselves. I took no pleasure from batting out 8 dull pointless overs, where scoring became a no-no, and having to play exactly the form of cricket I have previously chastised other teams for doing. As we all recognise though, our hands are forced and we all do the same given the situation if we have any genuine desire to leave the Fullers League behind.

To the esteemed people who run the league, who do such wonderful work in the league, please consider changing the format. I recognise the rules were conceived in the best interest of the players but there is something intrinsically wrong when 22 cricketers walk off the field dispondently blaming the rules for a dull game of cricket rather than realising their own failings as players. We all love the game, so please lets make it a sporting spectacle in which everyone can enjoy participating, whether it be players, scorers or umpires.

Finally well played Horley, despite previous needle between the two sides, the game was played hard but in the right spirit. Thank you to the umpires - although we might not agree with all your decisions the game would not continue without you, and you have the most unenviable job on the pitch. And likewise to the scorers, who again perform a fairly thankless task for us all.

With regard to our own performance, well done to the bowling unit, who looked like they are moving towards their best. Great to see Zammak back and bowling well, and a warning to everyone in the league - if these boys start really firing they will be a very formidable unit. To our batting performance - The game situation and other factors contributed to our collapse, but we have keep working hard and realise that when we are playing well we can lessen the effect of variables such as the pitch, bowling etc.

Good luck for Saturday everyone. I won't be there but I am sure it will be a hard fought game of cricket, and go out and play positive hard cricket and the result will go our way.

Stats 1st Xl versus Horley on Saturday 2 June 2007.

Toss won by Hampton Wick Royal who chose to bowl

Horley claim winning draw

Horley Innings

L Tomkins ctJones+ Ewen 13

R Stevens ct & bowled Ford 14

E Long ct Jones+ Ford 12

P Norman lbw Raza 11

C Allen lbw Ford 11

H Chaudhary st Jones+ Tughral 28

S Macpherson * bowled Tughral 2

T Stevens bowled Tughral 0

C Roberts + ct Jones+ Ewen 25

J Barnett ct Ewen Raza 20

A Bunce not out 3

extras 15

total 154

Wick Bowlers O M R W nb wi

J Ewen 12 2 32 2 1 5

D Ford 17 5 52 3 0 2

K Raza 11.1 5 26 2 0 0

Z Tughral 9 2 27 3 0 1

R Cole 2 0 11 0 0 0

HWRCC Innings

S McArthur lbw Barnett 6

A Jackson ct Roberts+ Stevens 1

M Davies * bowled Stevens 23

K Raza ct Bunce Stevens 9

A Mahoney ct R Stevens Chaudhary 15

P Hibberd lbw Chaudhary 0

R Cole bowled Chaudhary 0

Z Tughral ct Tomkins Stevens 12

G Jones + not out 4

J Ewen not out 0

D Ford did not bat

extras 20

total 90

Horley Bowlers O M R W nb wi

J Barnett 9 3 24 1 0 3

R Stevens 12 4 20 4 0 2

A Bunce 4 1 11 0 0 0

S Macpherson 8 3 14 0 0 2

H Chaudhary 11 5 12 3 0 0

Dubious Footwear

Reports reach Wickman that Cransey is abroad in the sunshine. In and of itself this is not particularly worrying, or even noteworthy. However, Wickman hears that he has purchased outrageous footwear with proper money as opposed to being paid to wear them (see picture) and is going around in broad daylight, using his own given name, wearing the stuff. While no one should take fashion advice from Wickman (or Goldy for that matter) Wickman does think that it will be a special day when Adam chooses to wear these down The Wick.

Sunday xi vs Teddington Town - by Goldy

Sunday XI vs Teddington Town XI - Bushy Parky League - 3rd June 2007.

Teddington Town 103 all out

HWRCC 104-2

HWRCC won by 8 Wickets

MOM - Sissen

Goulborn *, Mackie, Garf, Copeland H +, Iqbal, Cameron, Bishop, Vader, Austin, Hibberd, Sissen

Unfortunately for the batsmen in the team, the dream of amassing a huge total on Sunday was shattered when yours truly lost the toss and was asked to field. With a previous best team total of 346 off forty overs against Teddington Town, you can understand their greediness. That said, fielding first gave the youthful members in the team a good chance to showcase their talents and further prove the Wick has a bright future. Junaid Iqbal, a 13 year old fast/medium bowler made yet another senior appearance and bowled tight lines, rarely giving away easy runs. He was rewarded for his efforts bowling the opening batsmen who had carried his bat through 30 odd overs, middle stump.

The other opening bowler Tom Austin (still at school, but now almost a Sunday veteran) showed what the Wick has been missing this season with some genuinely quick, lively bowling. “Harmy” picked up two wickets for his troubles. Note to 2s Captain Fudge, as soon as his exams are over, Harmys in, FACT! The other wickets were shared around between Vader (3) who bowled some delicious off spin that was reminiscent of Del Boys spell in the emphatic twos win the day before, Myself (pies) and Jimmy C bowling tight and as usual, aggressive. Harry Copleland (who in the morning won the game for the Wick u13s with a fantastic 30 odd not out) kept well behind the stumps. The keeper, aged twelve showed exceptional talent and it wont be too long before the young lad starts featuring prominently it the adult set up. I asked Garf to give him some advice, and he told me he was too good for advice from him, now that is praise!

So Teddington Town set us a measly 103 to chase down. With a batting order that consisted of big hitters such as Mackie, Barrel, Hibby, Sisso and Copeland, this target was never really going to trouble us. With this in mind the order was shuffled around a bit and early on we did our best to make it difficult for ourselves. Barrel went second ball when Vader raised the finger for a ‘dubious’ LBW decision (don’t worry vader, we ve all made them!eh del!?) and Hibby went shortly after playing an equally dubious shot to their decent left armer, having played some decent shots off the leg spinner. Bobby and Garf settled things down and eventually saw us home. Bobby proved he still had what it takes when he hit a HUGE six into the club house – definitely the highlight of the innings. Garf set about his innings in a professional manner playing technically sound and very straight, hitting some lovely four down the ground.

Wick win. Job done.

MOM – Sisso

Dick of the day – Jimmy C for shouting at an oppo fielder when he was about to take a catch. Then when seeing we were all cringing on the sidelines asking “isn’t that what you do?” bloody Aussies!

WICK!

Here's a gratuitous picture of AJ with more hair.

Tour 2007 - Southampton

Deadline for commitment to tour is 23 June. This pub is called The Bat and Ball. It's near Hambledon. Hambledon was one of the first ever cricket clubs. This pub - on Broad Halfpenny Down - is considered to be the birthplace of cricket. Wickman can safely say that having a pint here, on tour, in the middle of July has got to beat the life out of work / being at home broke / hanging around the Wick when everyone else is on tour. Sign up now. You know it makes sense. Every Wick Man (and woman) should do his or her duty...

Quiz Night

If you didn't make it to quiz night a week or so ago you missed a cracking evening. Del, Fudgey, Mackie and Tommy D combined with their better halfs to take the spoils. Hibby - pictured here in an outrageous waistcoat - played to Del's strong point with a round on cockernee rhyming slang although quite where he got some of his definitions from is open to some conjecture.

Goldy is pictured here trying to drag his team back into the contest with a valiant apple bobbing attempt and assembled Wick members and guests are pictured in the "Wickton Factor" round wearing as much cricket gear as they could find in 5 minutes. A cracking evening.

Many thanks to Dom, Tun-Up, Northern Nick D, Hibby and Clarky for organising and cooking. Look out for the next social at the end of June.

3rds vs Crossbats.... Match Rep by Wickman Jr

HWRCC 3RD XI vs CROSSBATS

TEAM – Lloydy (c), Jimmy C, Taylorson, Conner, Doddy, Sayce, Iqbal, Tommy, Kirky, Derrick.

HWRCC finish on 8-130; Paul “strokemaker” Sayce making a majestic 65 and Taylorson a cheeky 20.

CROSSBATS finish with 4-134, winning by 6 wickets.

Please welcome back into the fold….Ashley Giles

Hampton Wick Royal Cricket Club, Bushey Park, Hampton Wick, has been the setting for many special occasions over the last hundred odd years. It was the venue for the Queen’s first outdoor sojourn amongst the common folk (you might have to check that on wikipedia – Wickman Junior doesn’t have time for these trivialities), the place where actress Kierra Knightly turned up for a few cheeky beverages (and had her cheeks tested, if you take Joey’s word as read), and the first official sighting of Wickman, still revered as the doyen of the club. Jimmy C disputes this though…. “who is Wickman?”

But all of these events, while significant in the Club’s history, pale in comparison to what can only be described as the most surreal day ever witnessed at The Wick. For May 26th 2007 was the day that Mrs Cricket himself, Ashley Giles MBE (or OBE…again Wikipedia it), made a triumphant return to the game playing for the Crossbats. It was a privilege to say that we were there to witness such an august occasion.

Despite the doubts of HWRCC’s 3rd XI about the veracity of Ashley Giles’ appearance for the Crossbats, new captain “Lloydy” (“do you want me to tell you my average again?”) decided to get down to business and ignore the naysayers. Heading out to bat on a newly trimmed and refurbished outfield (Many thanks to Fudgey for taking heed of Wickman Junior’s comments on these pages last week), the Wick set about posting a solid total.

Led by the masterful Paul Sayce (“are you AJ in disguise?”) and “Direct” Derrick, we looked totally at ease with the opening bowlers. Pushing boundaries and singles at ease, the opening pair had already racked up 20 odd by the time Derrick (“the weather in this country is toilet – FACT”), got an unlucky top edge and was sent packing. And despite Doddy (“just back from Vegas”) and Lloydy going cheaply, we were still confident of posting a score.

But Ashley Giles didn’t just pick Hampton Wick for a “light-hearted” return to the game, and just be “a part” of the action. Not on your nelson. As Jimmy C strode purposely out to the wicket (despite recent knocks), “Gilo” had already found our weakness, and the game was as good as over as a contest. As Sayce skied another hook shot to the boundary, “Gilo” - just like he did from Ponting in the Second Ashes Test in Adelaide last year – dropped a sitter. It was just the spur the Crossbats needed.

With their Captain sighting this typical “Gilo” ineptitude on the boundary, Ashley was brought on to bowl his usual left arm pies. Game over. Whether it was divine intervention or the kinship of all living things “Gilo”, like the master he is, tore through Jimmy C and the remaining batsmen – despite the brief resistance of Taylorson and Robinson. Managing only 130, the Wick had succumbed to Mrs Cricket. Welcome back to the game mate.

After a lovely tea interval and a few encouraging words from Clarky - “130 is defendable – FACT” – we took to the field. With one player short, Lloydy deputizing behind the stumps, and the rain becoming stronger, we were up against it from the get-go. “Gilo”, spurred on by Jimmy C’s taunts at first slip, punished our openers all over the park. Jimmy C is developing a reputation for stupid sledging (note: how long can you go before the saying “that’s probing Iqbal…good stuff” gets overused?)

“Direct” and “Iqbal”, although talented bowlers, could not match the quality of “Gilo” – it was a harsh but important lesson for the Wick. The pundits often say that “form is temporary and class is forever” and Gilo, the best thing to happen to cricket since Mark Ealham rolled his arm over, fits this description to a T.

Despite a few late wickets and a great catch by Jimmy C (the ball was a sponge at this point – FACT), the Crossbats coasted to victory. As “Gilo” walked off with bat in hand, acknowledging the crowd, Wickman Junior shed a cheeky tear. I have never considered “turning” for anyone in my life, but at 6.00 pm on May 26th 2007, it could easily have happened.

Best of luck for the future “Gilo”, and welcome back!

Wickman Junior

Fashion statement or decent protection - you decide

These were the pads being worn by the Lingfield 2s No 6. They are wrong. Wear these little babies on a tour and Wickman would have no sympathy for you. They look like throwaways from a Star Wars set.

Wickman says go the whole hog. Get the matching helmet and look like a complete bellend why don't you?

Actually there's a shop on Twickenham Green which flogs genuiiiiiiiine rejects off the sets at Elstree or wherever. Totally village.

Duck Tax Update

The Sherriff of Wickingham reports that Duck Tax - after a slow start - is catching on.

Recent victims of the regime include Cranesy, Doddy, Hibby, Coley and Mackie. With a quarter of the season gone, the tax has yielded £22.50. That's not even enough for a pair of dodgy pads Lingfield stylee yet, but funds are building...

Wickman, of course, wishes all the club's bats the best of luck for the rest of the season...

Match Report - 2ndxi vs Lingfield - by Clarky

Lingfield cc 2xi vs HWRCC 2nd xi

Lofting, Goldyou’reindestructible, Fudge*, Mackie (triggered), Clark+, Taylorson, Doddy, Soppitt, Nicholas, Laight, Lown

HWRCC 191-7 (50 overs) Fudge 41, Clark 38, Del Boy (36*)

Lingfield cc 124 all out (32.4) Krusty 5-42

Hampton Wick win by a nose as Lingfield turn up to the races

A different class of opposition pushed an eventually victorious Wick 2s hard this week. We had been reduced to 43-3 after 17 overs on a Victoria sponge of a wicket which was damper than Lindsey Lohan’s Jack and Danny. A partnership of 53 between Fudgey (41) and Clarky (38) rebuilt the innings before an 8th wicket unbroken partnership of 66 between Del Boy (36*) and Del Boy Direct (19*) gave us maximum batting points and enough runs to attack Lingfield. Lownsy took a well deserved Michelle and the points were ours. This was gritty, backs to the wall, stuff, and HWRCC justifiably retain their spot at the top of the league this morning.

It's a tribute to the strength of the club that we made four changes to the 11 this week - Debuts in the league for Nick Doddy and Derek Nicholas - and still came away with all 20.

Lingfield play at an ugly ground shared with a football club. The pavillion looks like a Nissen Hut and hides a scruffy interior and a particularly gruesome set of the coldest showers ever. The outfield was spoiled by big brown patches of bare earth where footballers had plied their trade over the winter. New nets aside Lingfield looks like a club that’s “rebuilding”.

They put out what looked like a very young, but talented, team. They looked good in the field pouncing on anything and whizzing the ball around – although perhaps they were short a bowler – and grounding three absolutely vital catches let down what was an impressive performance. Certainly it was difficult to pierce the ring early on as the pitch played very slowly and they took the pace off the ball to some effect.The first of the catches grassed reprieved Clarky when he had reached only 8. This cost them 30 runs. They later put down both Dels which cost them the 70 runs that pushed us to safety. Catches can win matches and putting them down yesterday cost Lingfield 20 points because their batting was good enough to overhaul a smaller total.

Lingfield won the toss and inserted. What a surprise... After Goldy and MS had watchfully established a base, their wickets fell quickly. They were joined by the unlucky Mackie who was adjudicated caught behind for 0 (quack) off thin air. Fudgey and Clarky then set themselves to bat time and mixed aggression against the short ball and bad ball with resolute defence. It wasn’t pretty – Clarky squirted nearly every run he made between 10 and 20 through first slip – and not off an open face – but it was effective. Some satisfying pull shots and hooks from both bats were emphatic. A cover drive from Clark was applauded. However neither went on and capitalised on the starts they had made on a pitch that was difficult to get “in” on.

A mini collapse saw us subside from 103-3 to 125-7. Doddy was particularly unlucky – beginning to play his muscular brand of cricket he was given out in one of Frank’s bolder leg before decisions which looked to most observers (including the opposition) to be sliding down leg like an attack of Delhi belly on a hiking holiday. We were in a bit of trouble at this point. One batting point in the bag was hardly the sort of haul we were looking for and 125 was not enough. Things looked worse as the two Dels found things difficult. The crucial drops intervened though and both got on with some positive batting. Lingfield ran out of bowling and suddenly the game changed. The unlucky Michael suddenly conceded 21 in three overs and a new bowler Powell had a Barry Crocker, leaking 36 in three including 16 off the last as Del went aerial. The skipper was happy to declare on 191 after 50, giving us 45 in reply.

Tea was not bad at all. Pickled onions were good news. Proper sizes mugs of tea. Those jam tart thingies. Lots of cakey things. Just half a point off DBW on mid season form. 6.5 out of ten.

However things took a poor turn at this point as oppo player Michael realised that his car had been stolen by thieving pikeys and we realised that MS had only escaped the same fate because he’d parked in full view of the pitch. A number of the boys lost keys and shrapnel – a useful if annoying reminder to put EVERYTHING in the valuables bag. The Police, of course, didn’t turn up – why bother? – and the oppo lost one player who was forced to go to the station to deal with them. It left a sour taste and ruined MS’s evening as he couldn’t leave the car for fear the thieves would return to drive it away.

Back on the pitch Lingfield made a good start, punishing anything short. Boundaries flowed. Game on. However Lownsy was in inspired form. The hot conditions assisted his prodigious inswing and the spongey deck made him pitch it up (they were good enough to pull and cut anything short). The dangerous looking Batty slapped a fuller ball to Mackie at point who clung on to a difficult chance. The other opener, Gradon, missed a yorker that swung prodigiously to bowl him through the gate (top bowling). The number 4, who looked like Andrew Symonds when he was growing his hair, mysteriously padded up to one that would have missed leg and off but not middle and we had them 29 for three from 23 for none.

A partnership developed between the useful looking Driscoll (useful looking apart from the cubic zirconium earring) and ‘keeper Gammon. But Krusty bowled the ball of the day – seaming away off the pitch to smash back the off stump – to rid us of Driscoll and MS bagged an LB to get rid of No 6. Del then threw up 5 overs of hand grenades to take 2 for 10 in combination with Clark behind the stumps. It remained for Kirky to take 1-12 and for Lownsy to finish the game with a final LBW, the unfortunate Michaels still dealing with Plod and unable to bat.

And that was that. Krusty’s impressive season with the ball continues unabated. He's currently averaging 7.5 in league cricket. Del (whose average is better than Lownsy's but doesn't yet qualify due to not taking quite enough wickets) backed up his all-rounder tag with runs this week – at the perfect pace and time – and got his name on the sixes league board too. Good runs for Fudgey and Clarky – neither of whom contributed much the previous week - showed that all the bats are more than capable of delivering at this level – even on a soft deck that was not easy to bat on. We should spare a word for opposition skipper Daw, who bowled 15 overs off the reel, cleverly taking the pace off, and deserved more than the wicket of MS to show for it.

Lownsy deservedly picked up MOM for his 5 for 42.

Good game Lingfield. Enjoyed it. Good luck with the rest of your first season in the Fullers.