Twas the night before...

So here Wickman finds himself. Nervous for the 2s. There will be some people playing tomorrow who will never have been in a game where the outcome means promotion or not before.

When the newspapers write about this stuff what they never point out is that its not just about the 11 players that have the privilege of actually playing the game that could decide whether it's a good season, an average season or a game that makes no difference one way or another.

Tomorrow 11 players get to enjoy (hopefully, oh hopefully) a moment that they will never forget. Sealing promotion to the next division up.

But over the course of the season 33 players have made a material contribution to the promotion push. David Fudge, Nick Clark, Matthew Goulborn, Paul Sayce, Mike Lofting, Mike Forbes, Charlie High, Alex Wright, Paul Hibberd, Ian Taylorson, Mustafa Billy Noor, Nevil Tideswell, David Ford, Ted Goodwin, Tom Donnelly, Andrew Moore, Copeland Mi, Kirk Laight, Derek Soppitt, Mark Mackie, Shaun Whinney, Alex Jackson, Ian Greenwood, Richard Cole, Derek Nicholas, James Cameron, Adam Crane, Richard Ewen, John Hill, Nick Doddy, Jack Marfleet and Dominic Lown.

One is missing from this list. A small prize if you email Wickman with the name of the individual who played 2s but doesn't make it onto PlayCricket...

So those who are playing tomorrow - there are 22 people behind you who want to share in a good result tomorrow night and who expect you to deliver.

Do it for yourselves and then tell them you did it for them... that's cricket...

Merrow's double title push

Merrow will be watching the Old Hamptonians result only slightly less keenly than Wickman. A club going places, Merrow's 1s have won 1stxi Division II this year and their 2s currently lie 12 points behind The Wick in 2ndxi Division II.

The 2s all enjoyed our half game with Merrow this year (if you remember it was ended by a deluge). They play the game the way we do, with a bit of banter and chirp rather than the homicidal mania of Old Sluts or the 'oh my god I will end it all after the game'-ness of Basilmere and checking out their website and facebook page you can see that the same buzz which has infected The Wick has got them going too.

It really shows what is necessary to get a club out of The Fullers, whichever division. Passion, commitment, enthusiasm and an infectious desire to improve. Oh and they can play cricket too, obviously. It's also Merrow's 150th anniversary this year. What a tribute to the club that they've revitalised the cricket side in this auspicious year...

In line with the elephant trap scenarios, they could even be champions of both divisions if we slip up. They are at home to Ewhurst, so, weather permitting, you would expect them to gain 20 points against a side that has lost more games this year than the eventual champions will win. To remind you we need a minimum of 9 points to stop them.

Good luck in your game boys. And let's hope we see you next year... because if we don't one of us will have found themselves in an elephant trap...

Elephant traps

An elephant trap is, probably, a big hole in the ground which swallows big beasts up. Is there an elephant trap in store for the Wick 2s this week at Old Hamptonians? Wickman outlines some scary scenarios in the run up to the biggest game since the 1s went to Guildford needing four points at the end of last season and got... four points.

This weekend sees the culmination of the season in a fixture at Old Hamptonians. 20 points will be more than enough. 10 points will do. As will 9. 8 will get us up but might not make us champions (the rules are dull, dull, dull - must research this). 7 and 6 points would get us promoted. 5 MIGHT not (those rules again).

So how could we get 5 points or less?

Route one: Rain. Localised rain that forces an abandonment that doesn't take out Lingfield and Merrow. Look some odd shit has gone down this year. Wickman doesn't put it past the weather to intervene and do freaky things. We've had 4 games abandoned already and the rain affected the Southbank game too which would have been won had the heavens not openened. We could only get four points and miss out by one piont... ohWickman'sGodnooooooooooo....

Route two: Old Hamptonians dick on us. They are a good club with good players. They finished above us last year. Hell they could skittle us and take us down with only a few wickets lost. How that would hurt...

Route three: We only score something like 155 and then can't get them more than 5 down and they get the winning draw. It is hardening Wickman's arteries just thinking about it.

Route four: OH pile on the runs and bat us out of the game for about 3 down. We collapse under the pressure and don't get even to 180.

Hell's teeth! You don't need Stephen sodding Spielberg to get busy with the script to see that there are some really big elephant traps here.

It's not easy.

However I prefer to think that bat first we'll have enough to put 180+ on the board again and enough to take a minimum of five wickets in reply. Or enough bowling to restrict OH to a manageable total, taking 7 wickets and enough batting to take on their total.

But Saturday is going to be one hell of a game. Let's hope the rain Gods are not in a lively mood...

Catches win matches - 2s spill 1st chance at championship

HWRCC vs Haslemere 2s

HWRCC 199-5 Fudge 95*, Hibberd 39, High 30 (49.5 overs) Haslemere 134-8 No 3 bat – phenomenal innings (46 overs)

Golby, Saycey, Fudgey, Hibby, Clark (get some nicknames boys FFS!), Delboy, Jimmy C, Billy, Hilly, Lownsy

Saturday’s game against Haslemere – which promised to be a thriller after 20 overs of both innings – was ultimately a disappointment. A feisty Haslemere team gave up the chase when well set and walked away from The Wick with 3 points. It leaves the 2s requiring 9 points to win the division and 6 to gain promotion. A win away at Old Hamptonians would seal the issue outright but no one at The Wick is taking anything for granted.

Rain all week (the final burst on Friday morning) had rendered the Wick track like a sponge. Not a nice light fluffy Victoria sponge like your Grandmother used to make before she started buying the Kipling version – the one with the dusting of icing sugar, tasty strawberry jam and a layer of cream. No. This was a nasty sponge. The sort of sponge that you might use to clean the showers with. A sponge that was very wet, with a light covering of pubes and caked with the mud off the football boys’ boots.

It was a stinking toss to lose. Sadly for the future of the game, opposition skipper Hooker won it and inserted us. He wasn’t a very jolly chap, didn’t enjoy the game one bit and this was the only thing he enjoyed all day.

He opened up with two very useful youngsters - Eastment the more rapid of the two. Sayce and Goulborn – both introspective at the crease even when the sun is blazing and the track harder than the sort of army issue biscuit that Pinball eats by the hundredweight to bung up his bowels while on manoevres found going tough. Both opening bowlers put the ball on a length in the channel outside the off stump. The lack of pace, tennis ball bounce and ring field kept us so under the cosh that after 20 overs we had only assembled 25 runs. Sayce had perished driving at a tempter to find cover at shin height and Golby couldn’t clear mid-off. For the record young Eastment bowled 5-1-0-5 and Hooker Mi 6-2-0-8.

Replacing the quick young right armer who looks a fantastic prospect was a cricketer of some experience, McCally. On the hottest day for cricket since April this middle aged stager, reminiscent of Boxer from Animal Farm, bowled unchanged for literally hours and plugged and wheeled away from back of a length keeping things tighter than a gnat’s chocolate hostage delivery bay. He turned in amazing figures to start with. His first 8 overs brought 1-21. At the other end the wily Hooker, like a weathered pimp in a Marrakesh souk, procured for Haslemere the services of various young boys who danced prettily to the wickets and delivered an accurate off stump line.

It was effective. For 30 overs everyone on the field wondered where enough runs to make a game of it would come from. Hibby and Fudge assembled, through nudges, nurdles, sweeps, edges, misfields and other similarly undashing means, 25 each and gradually dragged The Wick ship from beneath the waves to the surface. Furiously baling they then cut loose and even hit some boundaries before Hibberd was removed trying to take apart McCally – frustration getting the better of him.

Clark arrived in the middle having spent more than an hour watching this. He found it hard to locate the edge of the square with the ball and grew too quickly frustrated as Fudge accumulated. He perished trying to break the shackles, bowled through the gate trying to propel the sixth ball of an over into the long grass. Oh the ignominy.

Charles High esq joined Fudge in the middle and there followed the most fluid passage of play in our innings. Fudge – seeing it like a beach ball – was manoeuvring the ball around the outfield playing all manner of outrageous sweeps. High used the long handle and together – running like the demented habitants of Fraggle Rock – Fudge and High put on more runs than a salad dodger puts on calories at a village fete tea tent. Eventually Charlie smote some big boundaries as the bowlers wilted in the oppressive heat and we passed 180 for the loss of 3 wickets at over 47 and a bit. McCally – kept on too long – bowled the rest of his overs 12-1-2-64. An amazing performance in the conditions nevertheless.

High perished and Soppitt joined Fudge at the crease to press the advantage and see if the skipper could make his second ton in three weeks. Sadly with the overs ticking by, Fudgey was forced to declare on himself five runs short to set Haslemere an equation they might fancy on what was a now dryish deck (even if it was still very slow). A special mention here for young Williams who Hooker was also forced to over bowl. Again his first spell was excellent – 8-3-1-17 but he ran into High in aggressive mood and conceded heavily late on.

Make no mistake, Fudgey’s innings was a masterpiece in the conditions. To reach 95 and only score six 4s shows how hard he had to work. It was the stand out performance of the day. Even if we had bowled the oppo out and someone had taken 6 for it would still have stood out like Camilla at Diana remembrance service.

Haslemere’s in fielders had a lot to say for themselves which is always pleasant. It started as early as over 5 – not in time honoured fashion with a dispute over an LBW – but when Clark wided Eastment. Yawn, yawn, yawn. No names, no pack drill as they say, but one of the comments (when Hilly felt unable to give a run out decision because he couldn’t see whether the keeper had removed the bails with the ball in his gloves) that we must be top of the league due to cheating was a bit off beam. We’re top of the league because we can recover from 20-2 after fifteen overs and 31-2 after twenty overs to post 199-5.

Tea. DBW. Salami!!! 7.

With 46 overs to bowl out the opposition and Haslemere only needing to score at 3.98 the game was neatly poised. Nice tidy equation. Even a relatively good chase – getting to 183 – would have given them the winning draw.

The top six made a battle of it. Williams, who batted at 3, impressed us all. I can’t give too many actual details because we were unable to copy out the book before Haslemere left at the end of the game and they didn’t put up the individual scores - so we’ll have to wait for Play Cricket. But he only gave one chance (which was spurned) in a lengthy stay at the crease and he, more than any other, guided Haslemere to their draw.

But why, when they had reached a good, solid, base (approximately 100 for 4) with plenty of overs to go, did Haslemere shut up shop? Hooker first sent in Hooker junior and then an entertaining biker from the North East to defy us before he came to the wicket at 9. We know he can play because he’s opened the batting against the Wick in the past. He proceeded to cream the bowlers around when he eventually arrived. But by then the chase had been turned down and we bowled fifteen overs towards the end in the pursuit of five wickets with no one on the Haslemere side looking to get the ball off the square. McCally – who by this time must have been hoping to be putting his feet up – defied the last two overs successfully.

It’s the old story. Win the toss and bat for a draw. Why bother? Williams, (and the guy with a red stripe in his hair – no, not the tramp’s beer of choice) and the gritty Sturt who could have guided them home had Hibby not conned him with the slowest, slow bouncer ever, deserved a thrilling victory not a bore draw.

We’ll say no more of it.

Another good performance stuttered in the field despite the manful efforts of the bowlers. Previous oppositions who have given Barnacles a run for their money have trained the boys to bowl at the stumps more often than not. In the final analysis we have fallen two wickets short again and perhaps this week it was the lack of pace in the pitch and three spilled catches (Clark standing up and two others in the ring) that cost us valuable time. Once again any runs beyond 180 were superfluous and the margin of draw was more than 50 runs. There’s got to be something wrong.

Perhaps next year the Fullers people should increase the number of points for a winning draw as long as the batting first skipper declares at 47.5 overs. This wouldn’t encourage anyone batting second to have more of a go. But it would reward teams that lost the toss (let’s face it EVERYONE sticks the oppo in apart from Effingham) for dominating until the side batting second loses their cojones.

Wonderful news arrived from Merrow. Old Tenisonians had been unable to get a side out! Brilliant! Merrow could probably have expected to hammer both sides (Merrow are good cricketers and we have no beef with them) but they may well go up at the expense of us or Lingfield having won fewer games and lost more.

Odd… but somehow very 2007 given the extraordinary season we've all had.

200 up - Wickman promises to grind out more

Morning Wick fans. This is the 200th post on Royal Cricket. Wickman gets a half volley on his legs, eases it away along the ground to mid-wicket and canters through for a single to bring up the milestone. He raises his bat. He congratulates GAAR, Bish and the Student for keeping him company at the other end. He wipes down his keyboard (sorry sweating brow) and replaces his helmet.

Will he try to thrash the next couple of balls for boundaries before holing out in the deep? No, like a Brian Lara innings against England he'll be trying to grind out a big score...

Les Bieres du Monde - Saturday 8pm @ The Wick

This strange looking thing on the left is a beer. It's brewed by those whacky Septics at Samuel Adams brewery. A website says that it retails for $100 per 24 ounce bottle. Wickman is an expert in such matters and can tell you that 24 ounces US is about 1.25 UK pints. You don't want to get into a round of those babies late on Saturday night... while it is a brain mangling 25% alcohol there are cheaper ways to ming. Wickman remembers White Lightening was the modus operandi of the outside drinking enthusiast a while back and he's always believed in taking expert advice.

Saturday evening sees the return to the Wick of one of the most liver poundingly good events of the year - Beers of the World. The idea is you buy SIX or more beers from anywhere in the world (geddit) and donate them to the Wick bar. This is your entry ticket. You then buy back any of the beer that has been donated for £2 a pop. This raises money for The Wick. Last year Hibby turned up with four Carling Premier. Now, whilst this was indubitably a light refreshing lager, with a hint of gas and a light hoppy aroma, it wasn't very interesting. It still got drunk of course but it would be good to see a bit of ingenuity...

No doubt we'll get around to laying on some food of some description for a small additional price and there will be music (resident DJ Geniussound) and frolics including Beersoftheworldpong and Corona Darts. Whisper who dares but Saturday could be a very big night out.

All are welcome so spread the word.

Wick to host League Cup Final

Our own Wick is to host the League Cup Final between holders Valley End (our conquerors in the first round) and Olinda Vandals, currently staring down the barrell of relegation. This happens on Wednesday. On Tuesday evening we need to clear up the club a little (move Monkey's kit out of the slurry pit in the corner of the Home dressing room) and make the bar look hospitable. If you fancy netting and helping out, the committee would appreciate a hand.

HWRCC vs Effingham 2xi (a) Match Report

HWRCC won the toss
Effingham 179-8 (52 overs) Soppitt 3-31, Hibberd 3-38
HWRCC 65-3 (19.3 overs) Hibberd 45*
Table
Abandoned

Another abandoned game – our fourth – descended into acrimony and accusations of sharp practice against Clark and Fudge. Effingham batted first and spent 38 overs under the cosh before cutting loose as the rain began and soaked the ball. The rain continued through tea. The Wick went out to bat, braving an initially skidding pitch. But the rain gradually increased in intensity over the next 90 minutes, the outfield became so wet that the ball would not go to the boundary, footing became at best precarious for all and eventually Clark, at square leg, felt the conditions were no longer playable.

There were protestations from the opposition captain and Hibberd, at least, was happy to stay out there. But then he was batting beautifully, the best on display from either side, and was a few away from a fifty. However – and this is a big however – there was no way we should have been playing. In no other summer other than this would you consider staying out that long in conditions which were unplayable.

Make no mistake this was no “drying wicket” in the old style, the sorts you hear that deadly Derek Underwood would bowl England to victory on. This was a wicket which was taking on more and more water. To say that the ball was not coming on would be an understatement. The opposition “leggy” confessed he was simply tossing it up and watching to see what the pitch would do. It alternated between slightly sticking in the surface and skating on.

And this, to those who did not understand the decision to come off, was where the crux lay. This was not a wicket which started dry for us, got wet, and then started to dry out. This was a wicket that started wet, became wetter and was becoming less playable by the moment. When the rain increased in intensity then so did any chance of us going through to the 38 overs that we would have to bat.

Which was giving a growing advantage to Effingham. They’d already decided to ring the boundary whenever Hibby was on strike (ironically he placed the ball better and scored more boundaries with this defensive field set, but the pattern was being established). They were fairly confident that unless the other bats went aerial and flat the most they would concede would be a two.

What so riled the opposition skipper was the timing of Clark’s decision. Coincidentally as far as Clark was concerned and controversially as far as opposkip was concerned we had received 19.3 overs which meant we were half an over short of a potential result. Perhaps he knew this. Perhaps he knew we were fractionally behind the rate? Clark did not (and actually didn’t understand the rules about 20 overs thinking an abandonment was an abandonment) and had decided that he should take the players off because the conditions were no longer playable and certainly not fair.

Accusations that Clark was cheating were way beyond the mark and unacceptable. But then they summed up the way that the opposition skipper played the game. Every single thing he did all day smacked of casual manipulation. He included a player – batting down the order but who scored a very competent and muscular 41 not out – the difference between a poor innings for Effingham and a decent target of 179 – who had a flight to catch. He left 10 or so overs into our reply. A substitute arrived at about 6 o’clock. This, of course, was the first mention of the player leaving or a substitute being introduced. He was surprised and vocally indignant when we didn’t allow the sub onto the field.

On the field he attempted to influence the umpires despite the umpires being members of our team rather than people who were being paid or who had volunteered. When Del didn’t give Clark LBW an orchestrated campaign of complaining and accusations of cheating began. Six of one and half a dozen of the other you might argue. But your correspondent thinks not. Your correspondent thinks this was a very shrewd character playing the laws to their limit of elasticity and exploiting the lack of umpires to try to heist the game. His frankly hysterical attempts at sledging from the boundary were stupid – referring to the fitness or lack of it of Charlie when he himself was about as mobile as a caravan in quicksand.

Call it sharp practice or experience but clearly we were being done over to a plan. Keep us out there long enough to get a legitimate game on the go and then when would we be allowed to come off? When we were ahead of the run rate? When he decided fielding conditions were unsafe or that the run ups? When he’d worked out they were safely ahead on run rate?

On to happier topics. Tom Robinson’s debut for the twos was a revelation. Hard work in winter nets and overs under the belt for the 3s have turned Tom into a very good prospect for the club. He bowled his 7 overs off the reel and for less than 10 runs. The ball swung away as his stock delivery beating the bat regularly and he also brought one or two back too to keep both the openers guessing. This was a mature performance from a very promising cricketer.

John Hill was no less impressive. 13-4-19-1 was a great return on what started as a good pitch to bat on. Opener Richardson became increasingly frustrated to the point that he tried to slog sweep Hill from outside off stump. Eventually it all became too much for him and he aimed a wild yahoo. The edge sped high to Clark’s right and a one handed catch was made to look easy.

Hibberd followed up his 20-20 hattrick with a 3 for, his slower ball deceiving a couple of bats. Soppitt, until the rain came, bowled with real control removing two of the top four in combination with Clark behind the stumps. Jimmy C and Kirky bowled good change spells, Kirky conning a muscular gentleman of limited footwork to pad up to one that would have removed at least two of the stumps.

The fielding was excellent in the main although there were too many byes. A worrying inability to catch is beginning to dog the team’s performances though. As last week where a spilled effort cost us five overs, three shelled this week probably cost us 50 runs and the ability to push for victory before the rain changed from barely miserable to a relentless downpour.

This was a good performance again from the Wick. It was a shame that the conditions were as they were allowing Effingham first to get out of gaol from about 100 for 6 to 179-8 and then to apply undue pressure and influence when they were in the filed.

On a brighter note this wettest of all seasons is approaching an exciting climax for the 2s. A win against Hazlemere next week would given us the championship and promotion. Anything less would take us into a nerve shredding final weekend if Lingfield and Merrow both win.

Old Suttonians did Merrow a huge favour this weekend by conceding their fixture. If I were in Lingfield’s shoes (now 3rd after being rained off at home to Merstham) I’d be spitting feathers. Good old Old Suttonians. Exactly what the Fullers Division 2 is all about eh?

Teams for Saturday vs Effingham

Ah the late Summer. After weeks of rain, the sun comes out and availability is strangely a problem this week. Unfortunately we cannot offer a 3s fixture on Saturday as resources are stretched tighter than a frog who's got his tongue stuck to a glacier.

Thanks to Nathan, Keith, Lloydy, Leggsy, Zo, Splinter and Conor for making yourselves available. Goldy will be in touch to see if you would like a game on Sunday as recompense.

1xi vs EFFINGHAM(Home)
Davies ©
Jones +
Cole
Raza
Jackson
Mackie
Stephens
Bishop
Tughral
Whinny
Ford

12:30 – Meet
13:00 – Start

2xi vs EFFINGHAM(Away)
Fudge*
Clark +
Wright
Doddy
Hibberd
High
Cameron
Soppitt
Robinson
Hill
Laight

11:15 – Meet @ the WICK
13:30 - Start

Good luck to both teams.

See you down the Wick!

Caption Competition

The Indian players are distressed to hear that a Porsche Carrera has been stolen from the players' car park

Ditton's over rate - Keyboard Warriors

Long Ditton accuse HWRCC of sour grapes on Play Cricket after not being able to dismiss their 2s in 48 overs. Wickman begs to differ. The game kicked off at 1.30pm on Saturday and Ditton were behind the rate by 2 overs an hour from the off. Ditton's openers weren't particularly prompt after the interval either. No one expects a team bowling first to give themselves extra overs to bat through. We're not naive. Oh no. What got Wickman's goat (tied it up and rodgered it) was that Wickman needed to be home by 9pm. By the time the game ended and he was showered, coiffured and appropriately fragranced, there was only time to Gregory a couple of warm pints of Nipples' and Doc's jugs and then to brave the drive and head off. The Wick's a dangerous place when the Sun goes down - it's almost as if The Lost Boys was based on it. Before you know it you'll be up all night and rushing home to beat the dawn. So your lamentable over rate was lamented for reasons you failed to understand boys. We should have fired you out in 48 overs. See the match report. But what's unforgivable is the lost drinking time...

Ask Wickman - Can you buy experience?

Wickman is contacted by a member deeply irritated by his slightly downbeat assessment of Saturday's Ditton encounter. With hindsight perhaps Wickman did not extol the virtues of the two standout performances enough. Fudgey's ton was worthy of greater praise. It was well paced, he needed to overcome some nagging bowling, to get to grips with a two paced Wick pitch, hang tight for 38 overs rather than 38 minutes and, let's face it, you don't get one every week. Even Outerbridge didn't manage that. Doc's Michelle was quality. To find himself on a hat-trick for the second time this season was good going. Here was a man that knows how to bowl at the stumps and make the ball respond to his whim. He almost bowled us to a very good win on a good batting track. You can't buy experience. Well you can, but not here. Soho perhaps. And there are escort services Wickman understands. Here's someone with experience you might be able to buy. Mom - on balance - was Fudgey's on this occasion.