Team News for Saturday

Wickman is breathless with anticipation for Saturday. With excellent availability this weekend these are perhaps the strongest teams to leave these shores for many a moon. Please note the orders in which the teams appear are indicative of nothing more than the order in which they have been written down.

For those of you that haven't paid subs, expect the Long Arm of The Chairman and The Secretary to be breathing down your wallets this weekend...

1st xi vs Old Pauline (h)
12:00 - Meet
Davies (c), Hooper, Raza, Mahoney +, Jackson, Sayce, Mackie, Murray, Ewen, Whinney, O'Donnell

2nd xi vs Staines and Laleham (a) 11:30 - Meet
Cole, Hibberd, Fudge (c), Golbourn, Wright, Clark +, Kennedy, Donnelley, Robinson, Powell, Iqbal

3rd xi vs Carshalton and Croydon Gas CC
12:30 - Meet
Risman, Crane, High, Soppitt, Lloyd (c), Cameron, Taylorson, Copeland +, Nicholls, Hill, Lown

Quiz Night - Saturday 21st June - 8pmish

Guys and Gals its time for Quiz Night again. You will remember last year's orchestrated shenanigans of course... This year a whole new melange of ridiculous rounds is being prepared to keep participants on their toes.

Plus Nicholls is cooking!

Entry to the quiz is £5 per person - to be split between club funds a prize pot. Maximum six to a team.

Please also bring cash to pay for Keith's food (highly likely to be chilli) and for beer tokens.

So that's Saturday week at The Wick.

Bore (winning) Draw in Surrey means 3s drop points.

Risman,, Lloyd, Crane, High, Cameron, Copeland+, Parkes, Taylorson, Noor, Laight. (10)

Another week where availability played havoc with the 3s selection saw Shyam fail a last minute fitness test due to measles, Doddy have to attend his antenatal class and perhaps the biggest loss, Chairman Keith Nicholls to a romantic weekend away. So 10 intrepid travellers set off for a game against 2nd bottom Merstham and arrived at a picturesque school ground just as the sports day awards were being handed out.

The pitch was a well worn, squishy and slightly moist green top with an extremely short boundary at the far end lined with trees and a square boundary bordering up to the car park and main school buildings that made the eyes of messers Crane and High light up.

Toss lost and with only 4 players on site we were asked to bat and Risman and Lloyd strode out to the middle with the aim of seeing off the openers whilst the cavalry arrived. The 2 opening bowlers produced some tricky late swing but it wasn’t long before the short boundaries were found. Lloydy looked comfortable until he holed out playing too early to a short wide one and Riso looked happy as Larry as he has done for much of the season. Crane put on a measly 4 on a day which looked suited to his explosive style, playing all around one that kept low, but his departure brought Monkey boy High to the crease and the fireworks began.
His innings was a a most un-Monkeylike composition of powerful boundaries (nine x 6’s in all) and elegant strokes which saw him race past Riso on the score sheet at a time when their tricky 2nd change bowler Young was bowling some impressive swing and causing us no end of problems.
Riso eventually fell a few short of his 50 and Jimmy C and High continued to crack on the runs until the latter fell bowled by Young for a mammoth 120 and Merstham gave a sigh of relief. Harry fell shortly after he arrived, playing over a floater to chalk up his first duck tax of the season and Parkes played some lovely strokes supported by the experienced Jimmy C at the other end but was bowled by the opening swing bowler for 9.The tail did as the tail is wont to do and wagged with reckless abandon to the 42nd over for 215 when the innings was closed.

Teas: Nice buffet selection with mini pizza’s, sausages, spring roles and the obligatory fresh sandwich selection. Tea was hot and strong but crucially served in a proper china cup and saucer. It makes all the difference trust me!- 7/10

At the interval, the oppo skipper suggested that we had given them a chance with 215 needed off 52 overs and considering the short boundaries and us having only 10 fielders he was right so the rest of the afternoon was a bit of a surprise really.
Muzzy and Jimmy opened and bowled with good control in conditions that were perfect for swing bowling but made the ball harder to control. Runs were restricted to only the loose balls and the oppo seemed happy to wait for them. Jimmy removed their left handed opener and star bowler Young cheaply with a nice inswinger that he inside edged onto his off stump and then it got interesting.

The number 3 came in and played and missed at Muzzy’s tricky left arm swing bowling for 3 overs before edging him to Copeland to snaffle behind the stumps but not only was he not given but there was no walking either. In fact when probed further by Crane in the slips (ATS) could only reply with expletives which continued until he was eventually despatched LBW to Noor and then again when he subsequently came out to umpire. The Merstam wickets then began to fall as Tun up and Parkes and then Laight came into the attack, with Parkes in particular unlucky not to get more reward beyond his bowling of the other opener, for some lovely line and length bowling. Kirky struggled a little for control but found his mark and had their number 4 caught and bowled though on reflection this looked like a bump ball if im honest, and then in the same over had their keeper caught by Monkey with a dream catch off his boot straps at gully.

With 20 overs to go the win was still on the cards and Skipper Lloyd threw everything at them, even allowing MOM Charlie High to bowl 3 overs of vicious pace and bounce to unsettle them but to no avail. I never though I would say this but we really missed the chairman as these two bats were resolute in defending for the last 20 overs even with all 10 players in catching positions as runs were not an issue for us.
With the Wick slowly losing the will to live at the lack of will and desire from Merstham’s batsmen, the game was brought to a close by their skipper running out to the middle with a look of glee waving a league rule book.
Sadly for him his eagerness to secure something from the game meant they fell 4 runs short of the extra batting point. Oh well!

Its a frustrating quirk of this league that you can be in the driving seat for much of the game,score big runs and there is no incentive to chase your score. Don't get me wrong, I dont blame Merstam, indeed if I was in a similar situation (as we were against old Tiffs the previous week) I would call for the blockers too but deep down I believe that things should be more cut and dry. You either get the runs and win or you dont and lose. I mean, who wants to spend all afternoon in a field laying bat on ball when surely cricket is all about the thril of the chase and the pitting of 11 men against 11 men to see who is better.
(climbs off soap box, rant over)
Next week brings another home game and the return of Chairman Mao to the fray so I'm sure my Corona will taste better after 20 points.
MOM- Charlie ‘Monkey Boy’ High for his 120 runs.

Match Report - 1xi vs Sanderstead

Super confident Wick maintain 100% record

According to Alison, 5 wins out of 5 could well be a Wick league record. Given that it’s the first 5 games of the league season, and also given our performance against Godalming in the cup preseason, this represents a superb turnaround in the fortunes of the team. Lets not be mistaken here, we’ve deserved every single point we’ve got thus far. Our cricket has been dominant, adaptable and positive. We clearly have the talent to beat every team in the league, but in order to do so you need people to pull their fingers out. It happened in 2006, and its happening in 2008, with alarming regularity.

Toss #5 was won by Davies. 3/5 is a good return. Having said that, we’ve won batting first twice anyway (once out of choice), so the toss is generally the least important thing on my mind.

Sanderstead were a decent team. Research had suggested to us they had some good bats, but struggled slightly with ball in hand. Thankfully therefore the ones to pull their finger out this week were primarily Joey and Fordy. On the hardest deck of the year, Joey and Fordy strangled the Sanderstead top order. The rate was slow on what was a good track (despite the usual bit of Wickness – just to make it more interesting). Fordy ended up with 4, Joey with 1. Joey’s 1 however was the number 3 who was the best bat we’ve played against this year. Credit to Whinney who took a screamer at cover.

At 22-4 Sanderstead were struggling and the 5 and 6 together rebuilt the innings to 90-4. Intelligent patient batting against a relentlessly straight, and when required, either aggressive or patient attack. Tong made his 1XI bow with 11 overs full of menace and no little gas. 2 wickets. Great start for him.

Moment of the day – Kam having a face off with the #6 who had taken exception to relentless appealing for 3/5 balls in the over. As I said to the guy, if he used his bat we wouldn’t be asking the question, would we?. Ball 6, the ball is hit back to Kam, who collects it, quickly turns and runs out the non-striker and then explodes in a typical Kam-like tirade of joy, reminiscent of his first ball wicket of the Horley skipper which saw him jog (he cant sprint these days) around the pitch arms open as if he were David Beckham and Posh had suggested they try Swinging.

From 90-4 Sanderstead collapsed to 116 all out. The highest score against us this year has been 140, the average being about 110.

Teas – 4/10. Tired. Not enough egg in the mayonnaise sandwiches. Not as much cucumber as usual. Disappointing after the highs of Chicken Tikka last week.

Hibberd, promoted after some badgering during the week for Davies, opened up with Davies (say what you see….). Fresh from his 150*, he knew the writing was on the wall and that he had to play 1XI this week. The club is unbelievably strong at the moment which is great – other than the fact that the skippers actually have to pick a team which, as this weeks selection will show, is difficult (or not easy, depending which way you look at it).

Sanderstead started with the old ball and what we presumed the first change bowlers. Defending 116 isnt easy so the rationale was clearly to mix it up and try something different. Unfortunately for them both Hibberd and Davies were in unforgiving moods and raced to 37 off 6 overs playing perhaps only 2 false strokes. One extremely unfalse (or true) stroke from Hibby was so perfectly executed – a drive through the covers – that I was convinced I was playing in a Sunday game against Teddington Town at Taunton.

With the score at 50 off 8 overs, the game was over. But wait, the new ball has been taken and Hibberd has played across the line first ball and been bowled. The Sanderstead tails are up – is this another famed Wick collapse? Oh no, wait. Mr O’Mahoney has just flicked his third ball off his legs into the away changing room for perhaps the most elegant 6 I have ever seen. In my memory, only 2 hits have ever been hit at the Wick that rival it:

Importance – Fordy’s bludgeon straight to win our only game of a miserable season a few years back. One wicket wins are always priceless and in the situation this was priceless.

Power – David Childs farm into the Millennium Wood on his way to a phenomenal 100.

But destructive elegance wins out – O’M against Sanderstead 2008. His score was 1 at the time, and he had been receiving some stick for slightly excessive appealing. Bang! Absolute silence in the field, and to be fair to the oppo the bowler approached him at the end of the over and genuinely recognised the quality of the stroke.

Davies fell for 26 soon after, attempting to pull a short one into the scorebox and succeeding in missing a sweep and getting bowled. It was a grubber, but he should have known better. Kam came in and continued the onslaught, the win coming by 8 wickets and 117 being achieved within 20 overs with minimal fuss.

The oppo next week? The least of the skippers concerns.

MOM: Joey’s tight lines early doors? Fordy’s miserly 4 wickets (13-20-4)? Tongy on debut? O’M’s 6?

I’ll give it Fordy – 4-20 is a great return. Despite this, the performance wasn’t perfect, but the shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat was!

TEDDINGTON VS HWRCC

Unbeaten run ended by Teddington

Sunday XII fall just short after batting collapse

Teddington – 155 all out Tong (6 for 17 off 8 overs) Powelly (1 for 38 off 8 overs) Murray (2 for a few) Matty D – direct hit run-out

Defeated

Wick – 138 all out Matty D – 54 runs Tong – 29 runs

It’s just gone 7.16 pm on Monday evening. Ordinarily, I’d be at home by now doin’ a bit, but unfortunately I’m still in the office. Work is going to be a bit lively this week, so best to get all of the frippery out the way early and start looking forward to this weekend I reckon. As a side note, I have a splitting headache (get out the violins…..) and am about ready to put a fist through my computer screen. It’s been one of those days…..

….and weekends too. Normally in these match reports I’d fine some obscure and tenuous connection to the game of cricket and, not so subtly, try to link it to the game that has just passed (rest assured…..there’s plenty left in the locker. Wait till you hear my views on how the current housing crisis has been caused Paul Collingwood’s inability to get bat on ball, or how the rise in oil prices can be directly linked to Charlie High’s 120 on the weekend. Revolutionary stuff).

Not so on this occasion. I toyed briefly with the idea of comparing Dorothy’s walk along the yellow brick road in the Wizard of Oz to the walk that Whinney, myself, Junaid and Andrew Murray took from Wick HQ to Teddington’s ground through Bushey Park on Sunday, but I don’t know who would be the scarecrow or whether Whinney would cut it as the tin man. No instead, this is a plain and simple match report. End of. Sorry AJ.

The Wick arrived at Teddington (the Emerald City, orr?) at 1pm to get acclimatised ahead of the big match, undoubtedly our biggest test of the season so far. And what an amazing place (although nothing compared to the Wick). The outfield was everything Matty D described….and more. Not only was the grass cut short like the fringe of a green at a golf course (a good one that is), but it was cut in diagonal lines like Lords or the MCG. The pitch was so bright and white that you almost had to put your sunnies on to even look at it. If there was a track you ever dreamed of playing on, this was undoubtedly it.

After four straight wins and an undefeated record, we were confident of continuing our great start to the season against a Teddington side that were bound to be strong. Losing the toss, the Wick headed out to bowl on one of the hottest days of the year so far, and believed pressure on the batsmen early would bring a wicket or two. It didn’t happen as we planned. Dropping three catches off the bowling of big bustling Shauny Whinney in quick succession, we were quickly on the back foot. After 10 overs, Teddington had reached 70-odd for no loss, and a score of 250+ looked like being on the cards.

Enter Graham Tong.

This kid can play – FACT. When people asked Skipper Jimmy C during the week what kind of team would be put out on Sunday, just the mention of the name Tonga was enough to get them excited and ask for a place. That the Wick could have fielded 20 players is testament to the respect that Tonga (or Baywatch, GT) gets when he dons the whites for the Wick.

In one of the best spells of bowling this writer has ever seen (excluding Curtly Ambrose’s 7/1 at the WACA in ’93), Tonga made a bloody good Teddington side look decidedly average. Taking 6 wickets for just 17 runs off 8 overs (LBWs, catches (including a one-hander from Whinney), bowled….the works), Graham well and truly had Teddington under the kosh. That 250+ score they had envisioned now seemed completely out of reach.

In between those 6 wickets, it was fair to say that the game became a bit lively, and it was of no surprise to see Wick Skipper Jimmy at the forefront of the action (the bloke needs to calm down I reckon – perhaps take a shot of penicillin?). As Powelly came in for his fifth of a magnificent spell of 8 overs, the ball pitched invitingly on the off side and the batsmen (apparently known to the Wick boys) decided to have a swing. He middled it to extra cover. So quick was the ball moving that Jimmy C didn’t even have time to move from his position and had to stick out a left hand. The ball stuck like glue – FACT. It was probably the happiest Jimmy has ever been to have had something less than 200 pounds safe n his hands

Sadly for our Skipper he could not carry this genius out onto the wicket when having a trundle. Being hit for boundary after boundary, Jimmy C finally lost it in an outrageous show of emotion (which apparently is not allowed in England. It’s no wonder you guys bow down to a monarchy…..seriously). Letting go of one of the loudest expletives you are likely to hear – the F word, of course – Jimmy had to be restrained by the umpire. And while we cannot but assume what was said between said skipper and umpire, we do know this: It was his last over for the match.

Despite the histrionics, and following a few wickets from Andrew Murray, the Wick had managed to bowl Teddington out for just 155. Led by the mercurial Graham Tong, it was a terrific effort that gave the boys a great chance of winning the match.

Tea – not enough food to be honest. Needed a bit of the handlebar magic to inject a bit of passion into it. Tomato sandwiches? Please…..5/10.

Led by the incomparable Matty D and Big Bobby Sisso (who, despite the heat, was still wearing a jumper. Let me tell you, if they ever think of landing people on the sun for some research, I reckon Sisso could just about survive it – FACT), the Wick set about chasing down Teddington’s total. Sisso, playing some fantastic shots past the keeper, looked comfortable and quickly built up some runs. Matty D, whom Sisso would describe as a “more conventional” batsmen I suppose, played his shots forward of the crease, and the Wick had soon reached 30 without loss.

Sisso’s run finally came to an end after one too many hits and misses, and had his pegs sent flying. Maddoc Jones then came to the crease to try and restore some sanity. He didn’t. He went for a golden duck instead. At two down for 60 runs off 20 overs, it was starting to look a bit lively. However, thanks to the genius of both Matty D and Tonga (MOM orrr……), the Wick had reached 80-odd for two and were looking comfortable. So comfortable was Matty D that he hit possibly one of the biggest sixes I’ve ever seen. That Teddington managed to find the ball in the long grass afterwards was a miracle.

But then something happened. Perhaps it was Junaid’s idiotic comment to skipper Jimmy C that the match was “sewn up” that jinxed it for us. Perhaps it was bad batting – more likely I guess. Either way, the Wick suffered what is commonly known as a brain explosion. Losing the remaining 8 wickets for just 45 runs (shut up!!), we succumbed to 138 all out (roughly). It was a mind numbing experience. Something that I won’t talk about any further.

Despite such a terrific bowling performance and a decent start with the bat, the Wick had lost the match. Gutting. Perhaps it was the wake up call the boys needed after a few streaky wins (not!!!). Perhaps it was Dorothy’s way of telling the Wick – “we’re not in Kansas anymore toto” (see the connection? Genius)

Whatever it was, the game was over, and the boys now need to regroup for this Sunday. Another game on a beautiful ground awaits us. This time it is Sutton that will welcome the Wick. Hopefully, the boys can make it a 5-1 record after this weekend and put Sunday behind them. Anyone wanting to re-establish some much needed form with the bat and ball should contact Jimmy C for further details.

Wickman Junior.

Match Report - HWRCC 2xi vs Lingfield (a) - by Wickman

HWRCC 176-9 (50 overs), Lingfield 140-9 (45 overs)
HWRCC winning draw

Singh, GordonbrownsoldoffourGold, Fudge, Wright, Clark, Soppitt, Kennedy, Iqbal, Powell, Hill, Lown

Wick blows chance to top the League

Finally a game of cricket after the disappointment last week of the bore draw at Ripley. Lingfield put up an excellent scrap in a game that seesawed like… two children on a seesaw… until even after the game when it was discovered that Hampton Wick, not Lingfield, had achieved the winning draw owing to some dodgy maths from a Lingfield scholar. That the Wick were none the wiser until someone thought about it afterwards says a great deal for the slightly hair-brained approach on offer from both sides on the day.

In fact it’s becoming brutally clear that if HWRCC 2xi is not to finish the season outside the promotion spots then the team is going to have to wake up, smell the coffee, drink it, have a bowl of bran, a glass of orange juice, scoff a banana and then head to the mind gym. This performance was not good enough for a team that fancies itself amongst the title contenders and despite the added bonus of the 2 points for the winning draw this was ultimately a disappointing trot out by the boys.

Which is not to say that the game wasn’t a good one. You can say many things about many teams but you cannot accuse Lingfield of not playing the game the way it’s supposed to be played. Those lads fielded the hell out of the game and are the first side not to concede 230 to us having asked us to bat. Wrighty will have nightmares about the catch that did for him – a spectacular one handed diving down and backwards at mid on to a shot that if it wasn’t middled would certainly have reached the boundary. Del was snared by the keeper one handed diving to his right. Clarky doesn’t like calling kettles black but let me tell you that this keeper did not have the sleek athletic lines of Derby winner and moved like a greased rat up a drainpipe. Only two Wick bats found ways to get bowled – the other seven perished in the ring.

Which is not to say that the batting performance was poor. It was just not up to the standards of the previous weeks. Fudgey lost the toss again of course. There was a team meeting while he tossed where the vote was unanimous that he would come back making the sign of the cocked wrist and come back making the sign of the cocked wrist he did. The Lingfield deck was only marginally drier than the absolute sponge we played on last year and the going was tough. This was never going to a freeflowing run fest despite the shortest boundary square that this correspondent has seen since he was playing under 10s. Nate and Gold opened up and unlike every other game this season put on thirty something at about four an over. Not being 1 for 1 was a novel experience and quite discombobulated Fudgey. Having to wait half an hour to get to the wicket seemed to throw him off his mojo and he made a very human 26 rather than the Harrison Ford style riches of previous weeks before offering a catch to point.

Gold ground his way to a creditable if not dashing 36 before playing a smear which smeared thin air leaving his stumps exposed to the red, round thing. The middle order then largely got in and got itself out, all to uncommitted and purposeless shots to leave us in a heap of trouble at 140ish for 6. Lingfield’s squeeze was answered by a Wick surge. Importantly everyone then chipped in in one way or another including even the surprised Lown who managed to slog / sweep / flick a six off his legs and cross bat another 2 runs to take him to the massive aggregate of 12 runs in two innings in 20 or so starts. With 50 overs gone, Fudgey declared the innings so as not to look greedy going beyond 50. Berry, Daw and Mitchell for Lingfield all took three wickets apiece and made the most of the conditions.

Tea was, while not cordon bleu, certainly one of the more edible repasts. Early on it looked like an 8 but it was decided that the own brand nature of one the condiments (a leading supermarket brand rather than Branston’s) was close to unforgiveable. Also Clarky tells Wickman that rightly or wrongly he was anticipating pickled onions and only sliced onion materialised. Which left him with reverberative digestive problems and rebarbative breath. There were though, doughnots (mmmmmmm doughnuts) and pork pies (mmmmmmm *wipes saliva off keyboard* pork pies). With mustard. Which is good. A lack of real ale in the bar after the game – while not technically part of tea – also coloured the scribe’s view. Of course comparisons are odious. Last week’s tea at Ripley was a notch above condemning this to a very good seven. Enough to get an A at A level but no A star…

Lingfield came out of the gates like a greyhound that has been threatened with castration using the old “two bricks” method by a disgruntled owner. Before very long happy Lingfield mathematicians would have been using their mobile phones to divide the total runs by the number of overs and smiles would have lit up their cherubic faces (if we thought we were a young side bar Clark and Soppitt then blimey O’Mahoney these guys were mere babes in arms in comparison). Our total looked shabby and our early bowling was despatched with the ease that senior people send packages by putting them on their secretary’s desk and saying “can you FedHL this to Kuala Lumpur” before swanning off to Pret to pick up a Crayfish sandwich and the meat soup of the day.

Again The Wick responded – this time to Lingfield’s surge – with a squeeze of our own. Two wickets bowled from the slide rule straight Powell and an LBW for Hill (wot???) and tight, tight, tight bowling from Kennedy and Iqbal strangled the game. The rotund ‘keeper of earlier could not get either away and suddenly Lingfield were bogged, bogged, bogged. Three quick dismissals from the admirable Kennedy then turned the game firmly towards The Wick. Kennedy bowled a very impressive line starting nearly everything three inches outside leg stump and pitching it in line going straight on. Two plumb LBWs resulted and his swing was enough to lure a youngster down the track far enough to allow Clark time to uncharacteristically neatly remove the bails and begin a war dance cum celebration that would have had the Masai of Kenya nodding in recognition.

There was time for Juniad to bowl the ball of the day before we could contemplate the finale. Having bowled 4.5 exemplary overs of inswing without conceding a boundary and having removed the gritty Grant who had top scored opening and survived far longer than many of his contemporaries, Iqqers ran up and bowled a peach of a slower ball. In fact it was not just a simple peach it was the peach from James and the Giant Peach. Those familiar with the Roald Dahl tale will know that that particular peach not only serves as a boat for James and some giant insects it also becomes a flying machine too, floating them above New York. It’s the sine qua non of peaches. The fella he bowled it to was a reasonably well organised type of batsman but it was simply too good and bowled him all ends up after he had played forward defensive, on drive, reverse sweep, Chinese Cut and wild yahoo all at the same delivery. Class.

There was more time for the Wick to get its collective hopes up as the No 10 donated his wicket to the Duncan Kennedy wickets fund (all donations gratefully received) caught Soppitt at mid off trying to take the aerial route off the square and failing. With one wicket to take and 11 overs to bowl at the final pair and with only 80 or so on the board, the Wick could think itself in the box seats. But the chaps in the cheap seats, skipper Daw and the impressive Berry, proceeded to chase a winning draw looking more comfortable than the wife of a FTSE 100 managing director who has just been massaged by someone called Gustave at a Swiss mountain spa and frankly embarrassed those present with one of the more positive stands of the day.

Informing us that 138 would do for a winning draw they neatly assembled 140 and then shut up shop for two overs leaving the Wick 2s thoroughly demoralised and facing its first losing anything since the last game of the 2006 season. Sixty or so balls to a final pair really should be enough to shut the game out but actually only one very tough chance was offered and largely both batsmen did themselves and Lingfield much credit. Fudge and Clark mused afterwards that in fact if they hadn’t miscalculated the winning draw total it wouldn’t have been unbelievable had they assembled the 18 runs they subsequently needed.

If the Wick bowlers had performed during those last overs and taken the requisite wicket it’s a hammer blow to realise that we would have gone top. Those are the margins. As it is we are now in the cheap seats. This season will be a marathon not a sprint, but even in a marathon from time to time you have to pick up the pace and respond to pressure. Right now this side is not delivering the coup de grace with the ball.

What ifs are dull. But Wickman salutes Lingfield for a great game of cricket. Obviously if the thicko that worked out the winning draw total had calculated it properly perhaps Lingfield would have shut up shop earlier than they did. But somehow Wickman doubts it because they are a great team and a good bunch of lads. That approach will serve them well and will mean they will enjoy their cricket. Certainly despite the own brand pickle Wickman would put Lingfield up near the top of his list about where to go to get a good game of cricket. Which, despite the league table, is why we turn out every week. This was certainly more fun that spending 20 years in an Austrian basement and Siralun, if called upon, would have no hesitation in firing the numerically challenged Lingfield bod. Which is a cheap way to get in two seasonal gags at the death.

MOM this week to Duncs. Absolutely bossed the important middle overs and, in partnership with Iqqers, ripped open the soft underbelly of Lingfield. Which is not another joke at the expense of their keeper.

Clarky on bbc.co.uk

Hee hee hee...

Team News for Saturday

Here are the teams for Saturday. Can't wait. FACT.

1st xi vs Sanderstead (h) Meet at 1200
Davies, Whinney, Mackie, Raza, Ewen, Tong, O'Mahoney, O'Donnell, Ford, Hibberd, Jackson

2nd xi vs Lingfield (a) Meet at 1115
Singh, Golbourn, Fudge, Wright, Clark +, Soppitt, Kennedy, Iqbal, Powell, Hill, Lown

3rd xi vs Merstham (a) Speak to Lloydy about timing
Risman, Pushpanath, Crane, High, Lloyd, Cameron, Taylorson, Maloj, Copeland +, Noor, Parkes

Match Report - Sunday xi vs Teddington Town

“A change we can believe in” Wick pinch it in thriller to extend unbeaten run to four matches

HWRCC – 94 all out (awful batting…..)

Defeated

TEDDINGTON TOWN – 90 all out (Jimmy C 2 for 3; Duncan 2 wickets; Junaid 0/7 off 6 overs; Whinney 1/18 off 8 overs; Tong 0/11 off 8 overs)

I am a political geek. I’ll admit it. Often, in the midst of my deepest and darkest sleeps, I’ll somehow manage to wake up in a cold sweat as I recall some of great quotes of the world’s present and past leaders. It’s a bugger. Really, it is. Some people wake up because they’ve forgotten to turn the iron off or locked the front door. But not me. Oh no. I’m woken up by the words of bloody Maximus Meridius (“at my order…..unleash hell”).

Often, the same quotes seem to wake me up. Here are but a few:

Churchill: “We shall fight on the beaches”; FDR: “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself”; Bush: "Either we'll succeed, or we won't succeed. And the definition of success as I described is sectarian violence down. Success is not no violence." Lt. Frank Drebin (Naked Gun): “Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feel my way through.”

But as it’s 2008, and with the current US presidential cycle in full swing, a new orator is keeping me up at night: Democratic Presidential Candidate Barack Obama from Illinois. And in particular, there is one quote from Barack that is doing the damage to my sleep pattern. It is a quote that is so inspiring that even yours truly is brought to attention (not in that way….). It’s a quote that sets out an agenda. A blueprint if you will. And here it is:

(Barack Obama) “That’s why I’m asking you to stand with me, that’s why I’m asking you to caucus for me, that’s why I’m asking you to stop settling for what the cynics say we have to accept. In this election - in this moment – let us reach for what we know is possible. A nation healed. A world repaired. An America that believes again.”

So when I consider HWRCC’s miraculous win against Teddington Town on Sunday, a win that sees the team go undefeated in all 4 outings this season, I think this quote perfectly encapsulates what is happening at the club at the moment. We are indeed a Wick that indeed “believes again” – there’s no doubt about it. Gone are the days when cynics (DBW orrrrrr…..) will tell us what we have to accept. Stuff that. We want to win. And there are no limits to the possibilities.

Arriving at the club on Sunday morning, fresh from a good night’s sleep, Skipper Jimmy C was raring to go against a Teddington Town side that was packed with talent. With Graham Tong making his Sunday debut as part of one of the strongest sides put out all season, the Wick were confident.

Having lost the toss, the Wick were put into bat on what remained of Saturday’s 1st XI track. With Matty D and Tonga out in the middle, the boys made a confident start to the innings. Matty and Graham looked comfortable, so comfortable. Punishing the loose balls and picking up the one’s and twos, the Wick were soon at 40-odd for no wicket and on our way to a big score.

But as many at the club will know, the Wick don’t often do things the easy way. And something horrible happened.

In what was one of the most embarrassing batting collapses this writer has ever seen (think England in the West Indies in ’94), the Wick went on to lose all 10 wickets for a misely 94 runs. Following the departure of Matty D and Tonga, who were dismissed to two good catches, the team looked shot to pieces. Not even Duncan, who appeared to resemble Robert Downey Junior after a big night out, could get amongst the runs, and was clean bowled soon after arriving at the crease.

Skipper Jimmy C followed soon after when he mistimed a donkey drop from the leg spinner and was given out LBW. Not to be outdone, Whinney, Hirsch, Del Boy, Maloj, Will were all then removed cheaply after some pretty ordinary shots. Save the last 20 runs which were put together by Sam Kemp and Junaid, the Wick would have been looking at one of the most embarrassing totals ever – FACT.

Despite the simply shocking start, the Wick were not down-hearted at the interval. Far from it. Following a solid DBW tea (ats), Skipper Jimmy C still believed he had the bowling stocks to deliver a knock-out blow to Teddington Town. With Whinney, Tonga, Junaid, Duncan, Traveloj and himself in the locker, there was a belief that the Wick could still give this a really good shake and come out victorious. In fact, word reaches Wickman Junior that, so confident was Jimmy C, that he was overheard uttering to Lownsey: “watch this mate – we’re going to win”.

Opening with Maloj and Junaid in an attempt to get early wickets, the Wick quickly put Teddington Town on the back foot. After 8 overs they had only reached 12 runs, and their openers seemed more intent on playing watchfully rather than chasing down the total. When Whinney and Tonga came into the attack, the pressure only continued to mount on TT’s opening batsmen, who simply couldn’t buy a run. The pressure eventually took its toll. Whinney bowled out their opener with a lively Yorker, leaving TT at just 1 for 37 after 20 overs at the drinks break.

Continuing the magnificent early pressure from the start of the next 20 overs, Jimmy C took a blinder of a catch at cover off the number 3 bat – who was doin a bit – to put them under the cosh. And as the run rate continued to slow to just over 1 per over, following successive run-outs and a caught and bowled by Maloj, TT were well and truly on the ropes.

At 8 down for 87 with just one over to go, and needing just 8 for victory, the Wick grew in confidence, and an amazing comeback was on the cards. Skipper Jimmy C took the ball for the last over and promptly bowled the remaining batsmen after a couple of lovely Yorkers. Game over. Job done. Undefeated.

It was a tremendous win defending such a low total but, as is the case at the moment, the belief at the club is so strong that you get the sense that if the Wick had scored 50 runs they’d still be able to defend it. FACT.

Bring on this Sunday and Teddington away. Can’t wait.

Match Report - 1xi vs Ripley (h) - by AJ

After last week's improbable win at Merrow, we faced Ripley at home, having won three from three. Confidence was high, though the ground looked less good due to a week's worth of torrential rain. The outfield was painfully slow, whilst the wicket wasn't a great deal quicker, despite having shown vast improvement on last year's feeble square. The outlook was poor; muggy and overcast, so we decided to stick them in, and knock them off. Carlsberg don't do game plans...

Their openers looked solid, though found scoring opportunities difficult, understandable given some decent bowling and a very long and lush looking outfield. Joey (several beamers apart) bowled as tightly as he ever has for the first team. His figures reflect this; 11 overs, 5 maidens, 3 for 16. He really did bowl straight, fast and economically. It was great to watch from square leg. He accounted for both openers, one via an inside edge to Boney, and one via a flying edge to Mattyd at first slip. This has to be catch of the season. Full on cut off top edge, flying high, Matty tucked in the previous night's Ruby to take a fine catch high above his head. Plucked. Too easy.

Shauny grabbed the third, a plumb lbw as the bat played back to a straight one at the Millennium Wood end. Word of warning; NEVER play back at that end. Trust me. Their number five played a few decent shots until he too also played back to a straight one from Kam. End result; off peg knocked back, oppo four down, we're flying. And then Zam came on...

The conditions were clearly not in Zam's favour. Wet ball, slow track, short boundary at his favourite ridge end, so he bowled from Kingston bridge end (thus without the ridge that offers him so much turn and bounce). It really didn't matter. He bowled absolutely beautifully. There was drift, flight and turn in equal measure. Most of Ripley's inexperienced bastmen would struggle to pick their nose let alone Zam's slider or googly. Siralun Sugar's words "not a blaaahdy clue" sprung to mind. White flag offered, and accepted. Boney took two very sharp stumpings, and a further catch off Joey to complete a very solid performance behind the stumps. Very slick to watch. Apart from the three (I swear it felt like more!) eminently catchable byes he let through off Joey. It was almost as if Boney was turning his nose up at them. This is of course said in jest, but helps illustrate just how much his keeping has improved in recent times. You just don't expect him to let byes through any more. But who am I to criticise? Seriously. The infamous persian rug from the Godalming game will stop me in my tracks.

There was a wicket first ball for the debutant Chris Madoc Jones courtesy of a fine catch from Junaid at mid off. Joey returned to take another, before Zam wrapped things up, clean bowling their no. 11. 92 all out, job done.

Tea was below par to be honest. Bombay potatoes were nice, but the chicken tikka rolls must go. ASAP. 4 out of 10 methinks.

Mattyd and Paul Casey opened up, seeing off the new ball very comfortably indeed. Saycey mixed solid defence, with strike nurdling shots either side of the wicket, whilst Mattyd either left alone, or unleashed. Saycey perished to an lbw shout, though most people in Bushy Park heard the ball cannon from bat, into pad, with what seemed like a three second time lag in between. But he took his medecine like a man, which is all too rare in league cricket.

But his demise brought in Boney. The oppo had been waiting for this. Boney had dished out some gentle words of encouragement during their innings. Nothing untoward or personal, just letting them know when to play forward or back, or what he thought of their techniques. By all accounts they shelled it out to young Adam, tooth and nail. Sadly for Ripley, Boney has just about as much talent as anyone they are likely to see in this league, and so it mattered little. Their first change bowlers were as innocuous as anything we've seen in the last two or three years. At both ends they decided to dish out some short and slow stuff to Matty and Boney. Odd tactic that, on a slow deck... Matty was ruthless, hooking all of it to the boundary with great aplomb. Boney was just as decisive, playing effortless pulls and easy drives through the covers to see us home in the 21st over.

This was a convincing win, though the oppo weren't nearly as bad as the scorecard suggests. JT summed it up nicely in the bar "four wins from four, you can't do better than that." Points on the board.

MOM; a tough one. Zam and Boney both had outstanding games, but Matty's catch in the slips, and his captain's knock seals it. Well holed sir.

3's Lose... Well it had to happen some time I guess

3rdXI Vs Old Tiffininans. Risman, Doddy, Lloyd, High, Cameron, Maloj, Caldwell +, Nicholls, Taylorson, Noor, Laight

Coming off the back of 3 straight (and some may say comfortable) wins, one would be forgiven for looking at this score card and saying “complacent”. But you would be wrong. My first mistake was telling people that Duncan had played a blinder with 77 runs and 4 wickets which prompted Fudgey to pipe up and say “ Perfect I need a number 7 next week Ithangyew!”.The next mistake was attempting to slide the highly rated colt Chris Madoc-Jones into my side which prompted Matty D so say ! “Are you sure!!” and my scribbling his name out.
The next heinous crime was that the IRB had rudely decided to play the Guinness premiership final on the same day as our game which instantly prompted Cranesy to go on a ticket hunt and join Dom on his birthday Leo Sayer. Couple this with opening bat Shyam Pushpanath coming down with measles and you have 120 runs missing from the previous week via Duncan and Crane and are an opener short. Following the steep learning curve that I cannot play cricket after an all night bender I took the opportunity to have a quiet one in front of Mario and Sonic Olympics and a Ruby. Perfect!

(Pop) Message from Charlie Fox
“Lloydy, lash tonight, exams finished getting on it”
“cricket match orrr”
“Don’t Worry I’ll get ruuuunnnsss”
Whatever

Toss won I decided to bat as the track was moist and were were fielding more of a bolwing side plus Charlie was looking like he had a night on the tramp juice (white lightening for those un accustomed to the nuances of stoodent beverages) and I thought sending him in early may have been the end of him.
Jimmy and Ian opened the bowling and tied up both ends for the first 3 overs before Ian managed to get their opener to sky one to mid wicket and into the buckets of Lloyd who waited an age for the thing to come down with snow on before catching it and putting it in his pocket. 4 for 1 off 4.
Good start.
Next over and still no more runs. In fact they got to 8 for 1 off 8 before Ian bowled the other opener. On came Muzzy and Maloj and snaffled for their first league overs of the season. Muzzy’s extra bounce accounting for the number 3 who was caught at gully by jimmy and then identical ball and catcher the next over to account for the dangerous number 5 and thennext over, Maloj took a fantastic C&B which he plucked from 2 strips across (god knows!). It was their number 5 that did the damage though, smashing first Kirk and then Keith for too many runs and accelerated their score to 130 odd before he fell and brought the innings to a close.

Teas were a reasonable 6 as a result of the cold sausages but only let down by the overly milky tea…. It’s a precise science don’t you know!
Doddy and Riso opened our innings and the former added to the clubs duck tax flashing at an out swinger (with the old ball?) in the 3rd over and sent the opposition into the kind of raptures usually reserved for service men returning from the battlefield. Lloyd joined Risman at the crease and seemed to be picking the ball well despite the short left armers both coming out of the trees, but fell for 6 playing across he line. The pain was increase when High who had picked his first few balls well had his middle stump uprooted as he did the same as the skipper. The wick were in trouble!

Cameron came to the crease and played selectively but well and he and Riso looked to be bringing the score along nicely before the latter holed out to mid off and brought new Wick keeper and debutant Alex Caldwell to the crease. Alex batted and kept with composure and experience which was in excess of his 15 years and it’s a shame he isn’t about much due to school.

The pressure was put on in a big way not least by Tiffs deciding to appeal for everything that either missed the edge or struck the pad, and by the constant chattering of the slip corden when we had been very quiet during their innings, which isn’t really in the spirit of the modern game. As time ticked on Cameron and Caldwell both fell caught and bowled respectively as did the chairman who spooned one to mid wicket. Frantic conversations were had between incoming batsmen and Lloydy and the draw was decided on as there was only 40 minutes left in the game.

Muzzy and Ian played with composure to see us to the last 10 minutes before Ian was cruely bowled by a grub hunter having seen the previous 2 whistle past his ears.

Last 7 minutes and Kirk and Muzzy were holding firm.
With 5 minutes on the clock, yet another appeal for caught behind was turned down by umpire Lloyd… funnily enough because there was no edge and that they appealed before the ball get near the bat, followed by an LBW shout, again turned down because Kirk was batting with a leg guard and the ball pitched outside off but boy were they grumpy!. Following this entertainment, I guess it should have been no surprise that the first ball of the next over struck the pad (again batting off leg stump) up they went. Their umpire used his good eye, moved the fastest he had all day and triggered Muzzy and bring about more over exuberant celebrations and hand slapping. A draw would have been a fair result we felt and to lose in such a manner left a bad taste with all the wick boys.
next week away to Merstham and hopefully better availability through the club should see a return to winning ways cos my corona just didn’t taste right!
Evenings festivities, Tun= lively Barcadia= even more lively
Duncan= vomming and the passing out on Cranesy’s sofa= Most lively!

Match Report - 2xi vs Ripley (a) by Wickman

Carrots wasted on Ripley

HWRCC 245-4 45 overs P Hibberd 150*, D Fudge 49
Ripley 123-7 50 overs Donnelly three for Wick goes third

Hibberd, Singh, Fudge, Goldborn, Clark, Soppitt, Kennedy, Donnelly, Powell, Unsworth, Toogood

Winning draw to HWRCC by 122 runs (HWRCC 9 points, Ripley 2 points)

A brutally dominant batting performance by Paul Hibberd and three quickfire wickets from Tommy D knocked the stuffing out of Ripley and turned this fixture into a classic Fullers blockathon. Hibberd, the only batsman all day to completely dominate, scoring at will despite defensive fields, made a mockery of the conditions and a bowling attack that took 10 Stoke D'Abernon wickets last week. In reply Ripley were three down inside five overs and with one notable and spirited exception their later bats declined to do more than present the maker’s name to the bowlers and wasted a Saturday afternoon and whatever their match fees are in cobbling together dreary single figure or low teen scores.

The bricks and mortar (or wattle and daub – couldn’t say) of Ripley make for a truly fantastic cricket club. A lack of pyromaniac vandalism, randomly disregarded cigarette butts, faulty wiring or cleverly disguised insurance scams has preserved its pavilion – which it is said is an old stables – intact since the 18th century. It was dubbed the second favourite pavilion in the league after tea and if it wasn’t for the adjoining common with its carpark full of poor men’s four by fours, aggressive looking terriers and, probably, other kinds of doggers on the look out for action in the long grass, this could be a rural idyll. Managed excellently by a couple who appeared in the tea serving hatch and later behind the bar (excellent Greene King IPA – if only our own Pride was as well kept) its walls were festooned with memorabilia, trophies, Ashley Giles’ disregarded jumpers and other paraphernalia of a successful and much admired cricket club. One or other of them was no doubt responsible for the excellent hot water in the showers too. Down to the safe in the changing room here was a well run building, proudly displaying its traditions and wearing its heart upon its sleeve. Wickman liked it. He liked it a lot.

But he did not like the cricket on show from Ripley which rather defeated the object of having a proud tradition and great family club (the scorer had produced two of the opposition – their best players on the day – and the groundsman). Winning the toss, the opposition skipper was keen to insert us which, of course, was no surprise. It became even less of a surprise when we saw that he didn't seem to have much confidence in his bowlers or later, his batters.

Opening up himself with rapidish away swing, the skipper did create the only early chances to make inroads into the Hampton Wick batting having first Fudge and then Hibberd comprehensively dropped at first slip. These were to be expensive misses which condemned Ripley to watch this season’s second Wick 100+ second wicket partnership. Nathan had unfortunately managed to run himself out with the score on 2 from what would have been called a dead ball. At that point Ripley must have believed victory, or at least a collapse were possible. Or not.

And here’s where your scribe began to see that perhaps all was not roses in the Ripley garden. After five or so overs of right arm medium, the skipper then began to bowl spin. Which was odd because he later brought on a much better spinner from the other end who removed Fudge quite quickly for 49. But about 25 overs too late. He also later brought on a useful colt who bowled a far better medium pace than either of the change bowlers he had given the ball to who Hibberd treated with the sort of disdain that is usually reserved by Clark or Davies for poor teas at away grounds. It was bizarre. Almost as if he was throwing the ball to his mates... Certainly by the time he brought the offy on and later the colt, inappropriately for a cricket club with a stables for an HQ, the horse, in Hibberd, had bolted. In fact it had run so far, it had visited the vet, picked up the necessary jabs and papers, applied for and received a pet passport, hopped on a ferry to Dieppe and was now ranging across the continent covering as many European mares as it could find. It was last seen heading for Arabia to take on the local stallions. There will be new foals in many countries before the year is out.

Hibberd’s 150 was a delight. Early on one of the wags of Ripley (there were more later who called us Pricks “just like their 1s” from the balcony – nice work boys – you should be proud of yourselves) said of Hibberd that he only had one shot. This was because the bowlers found themselves unable to pitch the ball up for the majority of the first twenty. On a slow damp deck, the ball would sit up and demand to be smashed along the floor to the leg side boundaries. This Hibberd did with murderous intent. If the skipper moved his boundary fielder twenty yards in front of square, Hibberd would wait slightly longer and play the ball behind. The pantomime continued all afternoon. When the ball was occasionally bowled wide of the off stump Hibberd finessed it through the vacant slip regions or rifled it square. When, once in a while, the ball was pitched up, he laced it through the gap between mid on and cover. He ended undefeated having opened the innings and hardly a bead of sweat on his brow. Fitness…

Fudge was uncharacteristically quiet for much of the time at the other end, choosing to anchor the innings and probably had 15 from the first fifty partnership and 30 from the hundred. It was though a vital innings which was in its way every bit as valuable as Hibberd’s offering. In choosing to broaden his range of strokes he briefly sparkled before he perished at a time when he made made 49 and Hibberd was on 99 at the other end – a statistical joy which turned to mild dismay as he miscued the off spinner to mid on. There was time as we strove for an early declaration for Golby and Clark to disappoint fantasy team managers and Soppitt to smash and dash. Golby ended the off spinner’s afternoon at approximately four o’clock by absolutely thrashing a return drive at his knee. Ice was sought and he would play no further part. Eventually we declared with 245 in the bag and gave them 50 to get them. There will be a discussion of carrots and how to dangle them later, but this seemed to be a fair equation at the time given that Ripley had descended from the league above last year and must have a strong suit somewhere…

Tea, produced by the admirable and hospitable couple of earlier (Wickman was particularly captivated by the way in which she displayed her wares through the hatch) was excellent. By far the best presentation of the year, a pineapple top, reminiscent of a Zimbabwean strike bowler’s hairstyle or Curtley Ambrose in retirement, became a green centrepiece in a medly of fresh fruit. The sandwiches were freshly prepared, moist when they needed to be, bursting with fillings at other times. The tea was strong and served in vast quantities. There were no home produced cakes but the selection was imaginative and included a delightful cherry cake and jam roll. These were not out of date numbers purchased for economy. Fresh, simple and to the point. An 8. Leading the field this year.

Their reply began and continued in confusion, the occasional moment of outright rancour and calamity. First their opener was caught top edging a pull against a Donnelly full toss. Unsworth had drifted in from the boundary and suddenly found himself having to back peddle and take a quite breathtaking catch diving backwards. Unfortunately for the oppo opener whether the ball was above waist high or not did not matter because the umpire at the bowler’s end had no idea of most of the rules of the game so was unable to help him out. The extraordinary decision to have this fella umpire was further exposed when he called a no ball from square leg for one that pitched and bounced above waist height. Bizarre. Much coaching ensued along the lines of "only when its a full bunger you idiot". Didn't really give us much confidence...

The skipper put himself in at number three and managed to get caught from a Donnelly no ball quite quickly although there was some conjecture here given the lack of knowledge of the rules. He then managed to get himself caught by Kennedy at point later in the same over, this time from a legitimate offering. There was still time for the other opener to get himself bowled by an absolute pearler from the same bowler which defeated an ambitious and expansive drive. It was the sort of drive which was the equivalent of Hitler invading Russia. A grand gesture which would eventually result in a nasty siege (Stalingrad).

So a nasty siege ensued here. Imagine us as the Russians fighting for every inch of territory and them holed up in basements wrapped up warm against the cold. Only without actual bullets, -40 degree temperatures and death. It is, after all, just cricket. Unsworth bowled beautifully, his away swing defeating both the new batsmen regularly. He was unable to supply a breakthrough. Quick switches of bowling brought Powell and Kennedy into the attack. But very little happened. No one even attempted to score runs off Powell. The No 5 – one of the Cliff brothers - a very decent bat and by the look of him the best player on show – mixed attack with defence and made the most of the carrots that were dangled. He made a valiant 39 before eventually holing out at point to one of the worst balls of the day. Sadly with him went our last chance of victory because stuck at the other end was a fellow of limited ambition who spent his afternoon blocking it out and mixing defence with defence. Really, really, dull. A half chance was put down at short leg (would have been catch of the season overtaking Golby’s gully effort in the first game). A dolly escaped point towards the end. Nothing much else happened apart from a close run out attempt.

So we get to carrot dangling. There was talk in the changing room about us dangling more carrots after Kingstonian’s stonewalled their way to a couple of points and here Ripley earned a mighty two points from an afternoon of negative cricket. When you dangle a carrot of course, traditionally you do it to encourage a donkey to plod its way to its destination. The carrot is attached to the end of a stick by string and is dangled just far enough in front of the beast’s nose so that the beast thinks he can get to the carrot if he moves forwards. This doesn’t immediately work but the beast has no plan B because it is unimaginative and has appalling problem solving skills. So it plods on relentlessly, never getting closer to the carrot. Eventually the beast drags its burden to the destination determined by the carrot dangler.

So let’s assess the carrot dangling potential here shall we? Certainly Ripley were plodding. They scored at a pedestrian 2.25 runs per over. They would have needed all 95 overs to get to our target. It was extraordinary given the short boundaries in every direction that they mustered so few runs. So perhaps we should have declared on 180 and given them sixty overs to get them? Then we would have played all the cricket and put them in the driving seat. Having got the runs then what could we do? Well, keep extraordinarily attacking fields (7-2 most of the time with a gap from mid one round to fine leg) at one end so that halfway competent bats could score at will and get Delboy to throw some grenades up at the other end, again with ridiculously attacking fields (one man, Unsworth, at midwicket) to let them simply pick which part of the boundary to smash them. But the donkey has to want at least to plod in the right direction. Only Cliff saw the opportunity and hung around long enough to exploit it.

The rest of the donkey became hopelessly bogged down treating the 7-2 field as less of an opportunity and more of a threat – perhaps something like an ass walking across a tightrope, burdened with a pile of sticks, between the twin towers with Al Qaeda circling in packed Boeings. Del’s grenades were assumed to be less hand propelled ordnance and more hideous minefield which could remove limbs and have Princesses and rock stars campaigning against it. So that was that. It eventually sat on its bottom and refused to move. Finally Del stopped throwing them up and broke through as the medium bowling colt played some shots but glanced one into Clark’s gloves down the leg side. The limited No 4 of earlier who had laboured for what seemed like two hours for about 17 or 18 of the most constipated runs (can you have constipated runs???) charged down the wicket swished like D’Artagnan faced by the massed hordes of 10 Cardinals and missed allowing Clark to rearrange the stumps.

And really that was that bar some increasingly frustrating French cricket by numbers 7 and 8 who spent 15 overs assembling the 25 runs needed to drag Ripley to one solitary batting point. Rubbish. One of them got 2 not out from 10 overs. Wickman can’t actually remember how he got two. Because he simply moved across in front of his stumps a foot inside his crease and moved his bat like a pendulum to get in line. Even Trevor Bailey would have blanched. Anything not on the stumps was left. He seemed to enjoy his lack of ambition. There was a certain amount of groaning heard. Not from The Wick - it was the sound of Ripley cricketing ghosts turning in their graves.

That Ripley’s vanquished 1s returned to cheer each single and without a moment’s irony cheered the advent of 120 to the rafters was an indication of how things went. Dear oh dear. The Wick managed one final wicket in the last over to take one extra bowling point. Getting called Pricks made Wickman wonder. Maybe we were, maybe we weren't. But we certainly played the most attractive cricket and it will be some time before we play such a negative side again.

Nothing however will diminish the memory of Paul’s staggering innings here. MOM Hibberd.