Friday, 30 July 2010
TEAM NEWS - SAT 31ST JULY
Thursday, 29 July 2010
2ND XI MATCH REPORT - FARNCOMBE (AWAY)
"Mackies Runs leave Farncome with a sick feeling inside" The Wick second Xi travelled to Farncombe with one of the strongest sides this correspondent has seen. With a strong batting line up and a bowling quartet boasting many a first team wicket amongst them, confidence was high. Having witnessed the home side smashing over 300 runs last season, it was assumed that the wicket would be a road. However, the Farncombe bowlers obviously knew their wicket well and bowling just short of a length, made the early going hard. Having lost the toss and been put in, Coley and Goldy looked comfortable before both perishing trying the push the ball into the leg side, Coley bowled and Goldy caught and bowled excellently. Fudgey tried to steady the ship before also losing his wicket bowled playing a leg sided shot whilst AJ soon followed having looked ridiculously comfortable, bowled trying to play a cover drive off a yorker on middle stump! At 40-4 it wasn’t looking great for the Wick. A stroke of luck followed for the wick when Farncombe best bowled pulled his hammy and had to be removed from the attack – still three top order scalps in six overs is a pretty good return. Mackie and Del Boy settled for a while, playing cautiously whilst putting away the bad ball which appeared each over. Del Boy played well for his 18 before controversially being caught behind – Del maintains he didn’t hit it but there was a sound – it’s not easy. Richie and Mackie carried on the solid if unspectacular batting taking the score into three figures and with the bowlers tiring, the batsmen were now top. Richie was bowled trying to pull a ball that didn’t quite get up but all that succeeded in doing was bring Jack Marfleet to the crease. An amazing feat of big hitting and good running saw Marfleet hit 70 runs in next to no time, and Marfleet and Mackie managed to put on 120 runs for the 7th wicket. Epic stuff and it fully demoralised the Farncombe players. Marfleet finally fell stumped and was soon followed by Goodwin, trying to work the ball to get Mackie on strike as he closed in on his maiden league hundred (well, since we joined the surrey leagues anyway!) Alas, it wasn’t to be, Mackie caught by the keeper from a skier on 92. Webbo smashed a couple of fours to take the Wick over 250 before JB was run out, despite the textbook dive. It really was a super effort from the Wick to recover from 40-4 to post over 250 and it was plain to see at tea that Farncombe were not too confident on reaching the total. Teas are hard to rate as this reporter had ‘an upset stomach’ so was unable to eat more that a quarter of a sandwich. However it looked very nice and had a good selection so I’ll plumb for a 7.5. Opening up for the Wick were Webbo and Tid who both bowled with pace and accuracy. The first wicket to fall was a fantastic, one handed, caught and bowled by Webbo – so impressive that the batsmen had turned around assuming it was a four! Tid then got in on the act with a textbook fast bowlers wicket – bouncer followed by yorker, bowled, thank you very much. It seemed you couldn’t keep Tid out the game as an over later he managed to adjust his hat before firing in a 30yard direct hit as the batsmen tried a tight second run. 30 odd for 3, Farncombe were in the same boat as the Wick. Unfortunately for Farncombe, the Wick never let their foot off the pedal. Tid snared another one, again a bouncer followed by one pitched up, LBW, perfect. Webbo got two more, JB came into the attack and took a couple both bowled and Marfleet got his first wicket of the season with Webbo showing much safer hands than last time he was on the Farncombe outfield. Number 10 and 11 showed the rest of Farncombe how to get runs – Bray was even batting on one leg! They managed to put on 60 odd to before Webbo finally ended it, bowling Wylde for 52. A fantastic Wick performance, from a dogged batting display through to an excellent fielding display via some fiery bowling, not one chance was shelled and there wasn’t even one misfiled – and no extras either! The win keeps the 2s right in the hunt for promotion and if we can continue to perform like this, there is every chance that we will achieve it. BELIEVE
MOM - MARK "MELMAN" MACKIE (ABOVE)
Wednesday, 28 July 2010
GETTING WICK WITH... JACK MARFLEET
Tuesday, 27 July 2010
Monday, 26 July 2010
Match Report - 1xi vs Weybridge Vandals
Sunday, 25 July 2010
3s "stay alive" after salvaging draw
Farnham - 266 for 7 off 49 overs, drew with Hampton Wick - 138 for 8 off 51 overs
The Wick's very own answer to Planet Jedward - "Chedward" - may need to add another song to their popular and upbeat covers of S Club 7 hits if they are to continue their popularity in Japan, USA, the world. Yes, perhaps the Bee Gees classic "Staying Alive" should be added to "Reach" and "Don't stop movin'" after the 3s kept their promotion chances alive after holding on to a valiant losing draw against Farnham on the weekend.
The game was entirely unremarkable and warrants little detail in all honesty. Three of the 3s players got stuck in traffic and arrived at the game almost an hour late, which gave the side an almost impossible chance of getting a victory. And with Farnham looking to exploit the advantage by batting first rather than try to skittle the 3s out, it was unsurprising that they would try and bat to make as high a score as possible. It was a decision that would later backfire on them big time.
Despite the best efforts of Chedward - who bowled a magnificent opening spell (he would have had several wickets if the players were there to catch the ball) and the tireless performance of Tommy D, Farnham amassed a huge total of 266 off 49 overs. They were a good batting side no doubt, but the score was always going to be too difficult to chase down in all honesty. The Wick would still give it a good go though...
Teas - chocolate cake at the tea interval is an interesting one for mine, particularly given the bowel movements of the 3s squad. Gastric seems to be a common problem for a lot of the boys, and i dare say if the advertisers of ducoease or an equally sufficient laxative company were to sign the side up, their products would fly off the shelves...or should that be splatter? Interesting. Either way, Selvesy filled his boots. Jimmy didn't look at the cake at all - having recalled an incident two years back when DBW produced a cake that, after consumption, forced him to run from the main square on a sunday match, to empty himself onto the porcelain friend behind the home changing room. As Jimmy recalls, he shouted "release the demons!!!" as every bit of his intestines were emptied. It took 20 minutes before he could return to the field. Apparently the Wick won the match.
N-Dubz (Nathan) and Lloydy went the tap early on to try and chase down the total, and to be fair to them, they got off to a lightening start. The 3s were 50 for 0 off just 7 overs and looked to be the goods. Then a mini collapse happened. Lloydy, Zo, Hirshy, Nathan, and Tommy D all got bowled. 94 for 5 it soon became, but with 32 overs to go, it seemed a little too early to shut up shop.
Harry manfully tried to keep the scores ticking over, but it was clear that Jimmy, a level-headed and fairly considered individual who never speaks out of turn, had decided that enough was enough. Farnham were going to have to get past the 3s forward defences to win the match, and the constant barrage of abuse only served to egg the players on, particularly Jimmy. Dick Ewan would have loved it had he been there.
After Harry went out, came back again, then went out again, it was left to Chedward, Tommy Robinson and Jimmy to see out the last 30 overs. It was painstaking stuff, made all the more enjoyable by the fact that the Farnham skipper got angrier and angrier with the 3s dogged defensiveness. Jimmy taunted him on a number of occasions by suggesting that they had batted too long, and that he had made a decisive error. Perhaps the banter got a little out of hand towards the end of the match, as the umpire was called in on a few occasions to keep the chat to a minimum.
After Chedward went out, Tommy Robinson and Jimmy had to see off the last 80 odd balls. Apparently, they counted down the number of balls they each had to face to end the match. 18 for you. 12 for me. 12 for me. 6 for you. Finally it came down to the last over with Jimmy on strike. All it needed was to see off 5 balls and the 3s would be depriving Farnham of crucial points in their promotion chase. Jimmy was resolute, determined, and as feisty as ever. In the back of his mind though, he was concerned that Selves would be in next, having eaten most of that cake. One can't imagine the rivers of effluent that would have flowed onto the pitch had he been tasked to come on for the last few balls.
Thankfully, Jimmy managed to see it through to the end. 130 odd balls faced. 13 runs scored not out. 1 point for the Wick, and more importantly, only 4 for Farnham who blew their chance on getting a big win. With five matches to go in the season, and the match that Keith describes as a "classic 26-pointer" against Purley still to come, it might still go down to the wire. Who knows. The 3s aren't done yet for 2010. Believe.
Wickman Junior
Friday, 23 July 2010
Wednesday, 21 July 2010
TEAM NEWS - SAT 24TH JULY 2010
2)Davies
3)Rashid
4)Raza ©
5)Cronin
6)Kilner
7)High
8)Holland +
9)Whinny
10)Ewen
11)Unsworth
Umpire: K. Nicholls
Scorer: A. Whicher Meet: 12:30
Start: 13:30 HWRCC 2ND XI V Farncombe C.C. (AWAY) 1)Cole
2)Goulborn
3)Fudge ©
4)Mackie
5)Jackson
6)Soppitt
7)Sexton +
8)Marfleet
9)Goodwin
10)Breakwell
11)Webster
Umpire: S. Riley
Scorer: N/A Meet: 11:00
Start: 13:00 HWRCC 3RD XI V Farnham C.C. (AWAY) 1)Singh
2)Lloyd
3)Hirsch
4)Tughral Zo
5)Copeland H +
6)Cameron ©
7)Selves
8)Austin
9)Donnelly
10)Robinson
11)Charlton
Umpire: N/A
Scorer: N/A Meet: 11:00
Start: 13:00 WICK WASH
Monday, 19 July 2010
3s go to 4th after win at the death
Hampton Wick 3rd XI - 220 odd for 8 (Rizzo - 58, Zohaak 40-odd)
Defeated
Pyrford - 202 all out (Jimmy C, Tommy R, and Eddie picking up main wickets)
The 3rd XI is starting to BELIEVE after its third successive win on the bounce. After an inconsistent start, where games were thrown away as easily as a used prophylactic after a decent "session", the side is finally putting together some decent cricket, and may be (keep it on the down low) considering a better life in a higher division (Surrey Champ, Div 3, 1st XI - often described by those playing there as the land of milk and honey. Imagine those teas.....). Either way things are starting to happen. Even A.Risman agrees.
The game on saturday had everything. It started with the news that Pyrford had only seven players for the first 30 mins of the match. Jimmy C was assured the remaining three players (they could only get 10 out) would turn up at some stage. Despite winning the toss, Pyrford decided to bowl. An interesting choice perhaps given said shortage of players, but nonetheless an opportunity was afforded to get off to a good start with the bat.
Despite the numbers advantage early doors, the runs didn't flow that freely. Fair play to Pyrford, their opening bowlers bowled tidy lines and a bloody annyoung length, making it difficult to get away. Perhaps in retrospect, players with better footwork may have capitalised on the more "senior" of the two bowlers, who seemed to shotput the ball down the track. Neverthless, 60-odd for no loss off a handfull of overs wasn't a bad start.
The extra players on the field clearly created a stir, as Rizzo and Lloydy left the Kingsfield stage. From memory i believe they were both caught. Nathan and Zohaak then came to the crease. Nathan looked strong for a few overs before playing around one to see his stumps removed, while Zo and Copeland got together to form a decent partnership. Zo, in particular, batted with a maturity which skipper Jimmy C had been looking for finally. Nurdling and bottom handing where appropriate, and belting the bejeezus out of the ball when needed. One shot in particular saw Zo lift a no-ball beamer over the keeper's head for 4 runs. Eoin Morgan would have nodded in admiration.
Once Harry and Zo left the hallowed turf of Kingsfield (Harry was very harshly bowled with a ball that didn't bounce), Harmy, Jimmy and Tommy R helped the side reach a competitive 220 odd after 51 overs. Declaration.
Teas were again subilme.
The bowling defense started slowly it had to be said. Eddie Charlton again showed glimpses of genius (hopefully he is including some of these on Jedward's new album, pleasantly entitled - "You give me risman to live"). His inswingers baffled one of their openers and Harry took a good catch. 1 down. From the other end, though, it was fairly slim pickings in all honesty. Harmy and Lownsy struggled to get a slogger out, who went on to make 100, so it was left to Tommy Robinson to get some wickets. Which he duly did.
Despite some good bowling from Tommy, Pyrford had still managed to reach 180-3 off 38 overs, and with their slogger still at the crease, a win for them seemed increasingly likely. Added to which indignity, Rizzo had to limp off the ground for the last 15 overs after chasing a ball to the boundary. Old Soft Hands will be out for a few weeks with a strained quad. It was a hammer blow and the boys were feeling it. Jimmy had run out of answers, and asking Zo to bowl one over showed the desperation.
Lownsy and Jimmy consulted with Risman at the drinks break. "Take the pace of the ball guys....that's what you need to do. Bowl full and straight. Aim at the stumps". With that in mind, Tommy Robinson came back up the hill. Jimmy came down it. Jimmy took two quick wickets, including the slogger. The match had turned. Pyrford had lost their best batsmen and they were hanging on to stay in. Believe boys!!
With Robbo bowling and one wicket needed, the ball skied to Charles Edmunds at mid off. DOWN!! We thought that would be it. They only needed 18 runs. A few balls later. Bat hits ball to gully. Nathan takes catch. Cue bedlam. Game over.
Pretty clearly the 3s got themselves out of jail in this match. Jimmy's blood pressure didn't handle too well, but thankfully kept the death threats to a minimum this week. Perhaps it was the luck we needed where earlier in the season it had deserted us. Three wins on the bounce now, and a trip to Farnham on Saturday. The belief is there now, and the guys can see the summit (or 3rd place....whichever). Rizzo will be taking a break for a few weeks which will be a big loss, but if we can carry on without him and bring him back for the last few weeks, anything can happen.
It's a funny old game.
Wickman Junior
HWRCC COLTS - NEW SPONSORSHIP
2ND XI MATCH REPORT - CRANLIEGH (HOME)
Match Report - 1xi vs Kempton - by Matthew Davies
Friday, 16 July 2010
TEAM NEWS - SAT 17TH JULY
2) Davies
3) Rashid
4) Raza ©
5) Cronin
6) Madoc-Jones C
7) Madoc-Jones J +
8) High
9) Tong
10) Marfleet
11) Unsworth
Umpire: K. Nicholls
Scorer: A. Whicher Meet: 12:00
Start: 13:30 HWRCC 2ND XI V Cranleigh (Home) 1) Cole
2) Goulborn
3) Fudge ©
4) Crowther
5) Gates
6) Stephens
7) Soppitt
8) Holland +
9) Donnelly
10) Breakwell
11) Webster
Umpire: S. Riley
Scorer: N/A Meet: 12:00
Start: 13:00 HWRCC 3RD XI V Pyrford (Home) 1) Risman
2) Lloyd
3) Singh
4) Tughral Zo
5) Copeland H +
6) Cameron ©
7) Edmonds
8) Austin
9) Lown
10) Robinson
11) Charlton
Umpire: N/A
Scorer: N/A Meet: 12:00
Start: 13:00
1xi vs Old Paulines (a) Match Report by D
Monday, 12 July 2010
"The Risman of the night"
HWRCC - 231 ALL OUT (Lloydy 61, Risman 40, Robinson 28)
CHERTSEY - 108 ALL OUT (Robinson 6 for 18)
King's Field. Saturday. Summertime. Warm and sunny. Is there a better place to be in the world? The short answer is: no. The long answer is: "yes, well i could name you a number of better places actually including...wtf? Clearly this isn't the best place to be..."[*PUNCH*]. End of discussion. A. Risman doesn't take kindly to people criticising King's Field. Noted.
After the kids were cleared off the pitch, the game against Chertsey could finally take place. Calling the pitch a dustbowl would be being a tad too kind. It was like playing beach cricket without the talent in bikinis walking past. Don't get me wrong, the sight of a few men in whites can raise the old bed flute on the odd occasion, but for pure consistency, you get the picture....
The Wick batted first. Lloydy and Risman. Perfect conditions for batting, and the pair didn't hold back. Lloydy belted his first faced over for 12 runs. Risman wasn't too far behind either. In no time, the Wick had reached 80 for no wicket off just 17 overs. Lloydy and Rizzo soon "became bored" (there's no pleasing some people....), and Zo and Pradeep tried to keep the runs flowing. Zo hit a massive 6 off his first few deliveries and (you guessed it) was soon caught trying to hit a ball out of the park for the second time in as many balls. One often wonders if scientists ever did experiments on Zo for development of future products. You can just imagine someone setting up an electric fence, and rather than the exhibit touching it once then walking away, Zo would probably keep touching it just to piss off their experiment. His skipper probably feels the same way too...
DMJ, Harmy and Jimmy C then set about rekindling the innings after Zo, and then Pradeep, had given away their wickets. With Harmy's agressive shotmaking, combined with Jimmy's bottom handed 1s to fine leg, its was soon 170-6 off around 40 overs. Once Jimmy was dismissed, and Bendall threw his wicket away (and Lownsy) it seemed likely that 200 would not be made.
Enter Tommy Robinson and Eddie Charlton. In perhaps the most important innings both have played before, the pair put on almost 50 runs for the last wicket. It was a lesson to those above about what can happen if you apply yourself. Robinson looked as composed a batsman as anyone had seen, and Charlton appeared to gain confidence from time out in the middle. After Eddie was out caught, the Wick had reached a very strong 231 off 48 overs. It was a defendable total.
Teas - 7/10.
Harmy's return to the club has been positive and, alongside Eddie Charlton and then Tommy Robinson, the Wick had a strong bowling attack and were ready to get stuck into Chertsey. Harmy bowled line and length down the hill, and while Eddie went unrewarded for his efforts, it just brought in Tommy Robinson earlier than normal to pick up the slack. The boy bowled beautifully. Line. Length. At the stumps. Nothing more (well...perhaps the odd one that swung), but good consistent bowling. At 1 for 60 odd, it looked to be a contest to the end. After Tommy's bowling, it was game over. He smashed the stumps down five times. Five times. And picked up his 6th after Lloydy took a one hander behind the stumps. It was a brilliant spell of bowling, and the fact that Lownsy and Harmy could only pick up a few wickets between them (while bowling really well) just showed how good he had been. After 31 overs Chertsey were all out. 13 points. job done.
It was a fantastic team performance, and probably the best of season 2010. Two wins from two now and up to fifth in the league. Still a long way to go to get third place and grab promotion, but if the side can put a run together until the end of the season, a promotion might not be out of the question. Believe.
Wickman Junior
Thursday, 8 July 2010
TEAM NEWS - SAT 10th JULY
2) Davies
3) Rashid
4) Raza ©
5) Cronin
6) High
7) Madoc-Jones J +
8) Whinny
9) Ewen J
10) Tong
11) Tughral Zam
Umpire: K. Nicholls
Scorer: A. Whicher Meet: 12:00
Start: 13:30 HWRCC 2ND XI V Old Paulines C.C. (Home) 1) Cole
2) Goulborn
3) Fudge ©
4) Allen
5) Sexton
6) Soppitt
7) Stephens +
8) Marfleet
9) Donnelly
10) Breakwell
11) Webster
Umpire: S. Riley
Scorer: N/A Meet: 12:00
Start: 13:00 HWRCC 3RD XI V Chertsey C.C. (Home) 1) Risman
2) Cameron ©
3) Tughral Zo
4) Madoc-Jones Snr +
5) Pradeep
6) Edmonds
7) Bendall
8) Austin
9) Lown
10) Robinson
11) Charlton
Umpire: N/A
Scorer: N/A Meet: 12:00
Start: 13:00 WICK
Tuesday, 6 July 2010
Monday, 5 July 2010
3s destroy Warlingham
lost to Hampton Wick - 2 for 74 (Singh not out 34)
A flat deck, small outfield, and warm conditions greeted the 3s on Saturday in the leafy suburb of Warlingham. It screamed in every possible sense that batting first would be the only option. However, as the opposition presented more like a colts side combined with a few basils, bowling first and getting the job done quickly was the only answer. Toss won. Bowl first.
Eddie Charlton and Tommy D opened the bowling. On his day, Eddie is one of the best bowlers at the club. He swings it, loops it, and touches the ball like Herr Fritzel in an underground cellar. On a bad day....the less said the better. This day we found Eddie coming out of the cellar, handcuffs removed and the free to bowl, but still with nagging doubts about whether he would return to the cellar. His first delivery was a banana, cratering into the opener's off stump. 1-4.
Tommy D was bowling beautifully again. With a lively track, he managed to get the ball to pitch up on a length and jump almost vertically. After Eddie had removed a lively left handed to a good catch from Selves, TD then removed the opener with an LBW and the number 4 with a sharp catch from Joe Hirsh. In between these wickets were a couple of gash balls from Eddie which got belted, and a couple which slipped behind the keeper. At 60-4 Warlingham had clearly scored too many runs.
With Selves coming on up the hill after replacing Charlton, he picked up two wickets in just a few overs. A great catch by Tommy Robinson in slips (welcome back mate) and another by Hirsh at point put Warlingham at 6 down for not many more. Tommy D then got the last three wickets, taking a caught and bowled in his 11th over. Waringham only had 10 men, so their innings had ended after just 21 overs.
Teas - brilliant. Nice thick bread, and a surprise late show with some hot cross buns. Perfect.
Rizzo and Nath set about the task of getting the 71 runs quickly, and the score quickly went to 40 off just 5 overs. One thing that has been a feature of watching the 3s bat (aside from the collapses) has been the rather interesting bodily befowlments by some of the boys watching from the sidelines. The phrase "did somebody step on a duck" has become quite a common line heard recently. Jimmy C's favourite appears to be "can someone get the bucket?!. Either way, the GP may need to get a workout this week, and perhaps a packet of dulcoease (picture attached above) purchased.
Anyway....Hirsh and Risman fell in the chase, but the game was done by 3.30pm. So quick was it that the team weer back at the club to watch the 2s go around. Quick. Job done.
MOM - Tommy D....another 5 for!! His name will largely own the wall in the lofting suite this season. Surely he is making strides to be the player of the year. It's a moniker worth striving for.
Wickman Junior
HWRCC Sunday XI Vs Phoenix. HWRCC won by 6 wickets
Frimley vs 1xi
What TFC Means
Mitcham 237ish Ranatunga / Fat Boy (oppo nicknames) 50, Oppo ‘keeper 50. Playing golf you don’t have much time to consider your mortality. Nor much reason. From 1 to 18 you are involved in the game. Regretting the last stroke, planning the next, evaluating risk, thinking about club selection, reaching for a hydrating drink or refreshing Marlboro, sledging someone nearby, annoyed at players in other groups who interfere with your round (Hello Julian). It’s a busy game. Owing to the handicapping system the unfit 41 year old can play alongside the 20 year old single figure handicapper with some degree of competition and four hours later you are in the bar anyway. There’s no TFC in golf. Even if you have an absolute stinker and go round in 100+ you’ll have hit one good shot. Or rattled in a putt. Or a chip had some backspin on it (probably by accident). Or a hooked drive curved perfectly enough for it to be considered a draw. Or you just enjoyed the sight of a blue, blue sky as you hit a perfect wedge. There just isn’t a TFC. Even if you lose, lose, lose you’ve played 18 holes, lost a few balls, missed a six inch putt and hooked or sliced every drive (sometimes both) you’ve still been there and enjoyed every second. Even the bad bits. Cricket is not quite the same. When you play two sports in a day you get to compare. In the morning you shoot a relatively respectable net 74 (three over the stick) and most of what you do works reasonably well. There are a few moments when you need to dig yourself out of a hole and mostly it doesn’t go catastrophically wrong. In the afternoon you answer the call to help out the 2s (both MS and Charlie Browning turned down the spot before this correspondent was even asked) and it’s a different kettle of fish. For those of you who foolishly picked Clark as part of your fantasy team, look away now. Eight or so games into the season he plays his first game, bats 8 in a game where only 7 or 8 wickets fell in a day, doesn’t keep as there is a younger, more able, keeper in the side and the skipper doesn’t think his right arm over trundlers are the key to victory on a track so flat that it is rumoured the next world land speed record would be attempted on it. In fact those people running the Bonneville Salt Flats in Utah would be seriously concerned if the Wick track was about 10 miles in length. As it would have been perfect to attempt to break land speed records on Saturday. Luckily for the good folk of Bonneville the flat bit at the Wick is only 22 yards long (actually the only flat bit is more like 16 yards but let’s keep the numbers and explanation simple) and you would need (starting at the Kingston end) to be able to accelerate to 764 miles per hour in between the postern rail and the crease. Which is about 100 metres. You would need about four jet engines and probably wheels made out of tungsten or something. With big spikes in. Or something. That the pitch is not a mile long is critical as even if you did manage to reach 764 mph you wouldn’t get the record as you would have to average that speed over the mile distance. On top of that you would need shit hot breaks or brilliant reactions to avoid the sightscreen at the Millennium Wood end to get down from 764 to 0 in the available space. Wickman is guessing you would die as the postern rail at the wood end decapitated you. If not you would be mangled in the Millennium Wood’s trees anyway. That’s if you didn’t hit a deer. If you hit a deer at pace you will take its legs out and the body will crash into the cockpit. Even if you had decelerated your car to 200mph you would still end up with 100+ kg of raw venison in your lap at a force of something like 400 Newtons (don’t bother to work it out, I haven’t and I don’t care) and Wickman is guessing that it would hurt, even if you hit a female deer without horns. Because no brakes in the world would stop you on the July outfield at the Wick. Glass? It was like facking diamond. Erm. Back to the report. Webster, standing in for skipper Fudge, lost the toss to Mitcham, and they chose to insert (despite only having 10 men in 30 degree heat) as they didn’t want to lose the game by batting first and not getting enough runs. Crowther and Goulborn opened up and saw off the shiny bit where the ball would do anything. Pinball looked good but found a way to get out, while Goulborn played one of those Golby innings where the late cut, the straight drive with much wristage, the three pace down the track defensive shot with raised left calf muscle, the cover drive and the extravagant miss of the leg side ball were much in evidence. He bided his time, was watchful and didn’t give a single chance that this correspondent noticed in between staring off into the middle distance and remembering how beautiful the Wick was. Jackson at the other end was slightly more brisk in his approach (although he runs like Ed Moses used to run the 400 metre hurdles but without any pace [all bounce and no impetus] – the resemblance to the lemonade icon Fido Dido chilling in all but coolness). Where Goulborn was all Goulborn, Jackson has somewhere discovered some balance. Instead of trying to play every drive by leaning back, he seemed to arrive a moment earlier to the pitch and time it more sweetly than this correspondent has seen before. Some extremely authentic shots went with his poor running and he found the boundary enough in his first fifty to turn many of his threes into twos without much damage to the run rate. Both bats went to fifty within a ball which must have upset the oppo no end. They then progressed relatively serenely (the occasional unconfirmed LBW aside) (and perhaps the occasional dropped edge) through the 80s and 90s until Golby (who suddenly outstripped Jackson) earned a well deserved ton first. Golby then got out (LBW to a full toss or similar) before Jackson also progressed to three figures to leave everyone wondering when it was that two tons were scored by Wick bats in one league game. This was a fine performance by both. Watchful. Determined. Patient. Fluent. All good words. To describe batting that had panache (Jackson) and delicacy (Goulborn). Perhaps the innings of the day though was played by Charlie High at 3 who absolutely destroyed the opposition for 41 of the most brisk and powerfully hit runs you will see at the Wick. Absolutely murdered them like a recently released prisoner from gaol, leaving an ex girlfriend mutilated in the hall, her new lover dead on the front lawn, and when the Police came round, he’d already left. Nice. Now that’s saying something when two other batsmen made tons. All three deserve MOM in different ways. Tea was tea. Rather like various historians who have chosen to, from time to time, try to rehabilitate folk like Hitler (great leader and pedagogue, slightly dodgy attitudes to Jews) or Stalin (beloved by his people whom he regularly sacrificed in their millions for the greater good) there have been match reports this correspondent has seen which have attempted to put Dave Bartle-Wilson on a par with the culinary giants of our generation. Blumenthal. Adria. Roux. Larousse etc etc. Freed from sampling his work on a two week cycle this writer is keen on Dave’s teas. Perhaps he has become like David Irving momentarily. Untethered. Unable to locate his moral compass. But Dave is doing good things in that serving hatch. 7 this week. Without a doubt. A good solid 7. Nothing new but no ethnic minorities murdered. Which is good. And so the field. The batsmen recorded, despite wanting us to know that their 100s were well earned, that the deck was doing very little. We had assembled 260 -3 in 51. It was up to us to try to take wickets early, or give them enough of a sniff late on to presage a collapse. In the event both Webster and Unsworth bowled with creditable pace and hostility. But despite some rather edgy play from both Mitcham openers, no breakthrough was forthcoming. Try as they might, only Unsworth produced a chance (high to first slip) and both were unable to provide a breakthrough. The stand in skipper called on Soppitt after the drinks break and he secured the breakthrough eventually after chances were spurned, bowling one of the openers with a perfectly positioned Yorker. Sopppitt gave a very good account, varying pace and flight and was unlucky to only snag three in a long spell. The ground fielding was largely exemplary. But five catches were declined in all although none could be described as sitters or dollies. The best of the opposition batting came from their ‘keeper who made a very brisk 50. The spirit in the outfield was well marshalled by Crowther who was electric all afternoon. Jackson took a steepler at midwicket, and Crowther another at Extra. The skipper had the field just about right and there was little danger that we would concede once it became clear that Mitcham’s caution early on had left them too much to do. But the Wick would not win because the wicket did not have result written all over it. Which takes us back to the beginning of the piece. In a game of cricket, unlike golf, there is plenty of time to think about the passage of time. The ball can come nowhere near you for periods of 15 minutes at a time. With no hope of being tossed the cherry there is ample opportunity to massage the thighs, adjust your cap against the glare of the setting sun and think about whether, when the ball does come to you, your muscles will behave as you remember they used to. Far enough away from the action, you may occasionally bellow some encouragement or other. You may pass another fielder between overs. Mostly there is time to consider you role in the side and decide that the passage of time has rendered you TFC – thanks for coming. You’ve plugged a gap. Cut off maybe ten runs. Put the game in the balance by employing the long barrier perhaps. But with no runs and without bowling a single ball, you are surplus to the action. Unable to dictate the fate of the game. Is cricket then a charmless game? Can you enjoy it if largely unemployed? If your role is already played, does the time you spend ruminating on your lack of impact just wasted moments that can never been regained? Does its simple rhythms give you time to re-confirm your decision to play golf instead? An outside edge hurtles down towards you at third man via vacant slip. You see their ‘keeper haring off on a rapid first (Jackson, please note). As the ball gets to you and you gather it without a fumble, peripherally you see the keeper stretch his bat and ground it at the far end and turn, calling his partner through for a second. He thinks there’s no risk from the fattish contemplater by the boundary. And suddenly you are alive in a way that golf can’t provide. Your arm goes back in a seamless movement and you realise you have the ball in your fingers, not the palm. You see the keeper mostly and the three sticks and you let go the flattest, hardest throw you can. As you realise the arc of your throw will hit your keeper’s gloves within a yard of the bails you clock the oppo keeper sprinting back and you can see him starting to really push and stretch. You scream “take them off” (probably upsetting a nearby female jogger) and you bounce twice on the balls of your feet as first Harry catches your throw and then breaks the stumps. It takes another second to process the obvious delight of all around when everyone knows it’s out. And the surge of pride and elation when you realise you have avoided the TFC is immense. A good game of cricket all in all. 100 overs fails to separate the sides. A classic for the purists perhaps. MOM somewhere between Golby and Jackson. Points marginally to HWRCC. And cricket ever so slightly ahead of golf in the standings, if not for The President whose 65 secures him the July medal and the day’s bragging rights on the balcony. TFC means turning up, doing your best and drinking a couple of really cold ones on the balcony at the end of the day and enjoying excellent company. TFC is WICK.