Team of the Series - to Date

Always a good one this. From those currently fit to play (removing any debate about Broady or Harris).

Openers... Cook. Strauss (a moment's hesitation over Watson - he's got more runs than Strauss...) No, Strauss. Gets it for solidity and proven ability to convert a score.

At three... Trotty. No issue. The new David Boon. Limited but effective. If he gets in, will get you big runs. Ponting not fit to clean his boots in this series. At four... KP. Still the best bat in the England set up although weight of runs has not been quite there has looked very clam and authoratative. Knocks Clarke into a cocked hat. At five... Mr Cricket. You can't have Colly in the side on the form he's showing. Six. Bell vs Watson... and Watson loses out again. Just. Seven. Haddin. Better series than Prior although it's close. Haddin has come up with something almost every time he's batted. Prior's one knock of substance was flaky stuff. Haddin's keeping a micron better than Prior who has looked a little suspect standing up to Swann at times. Eight. Swanny. Only spinner in the series worthy of the term. Eleven. James Anderson. Brilliant this series in almost every innings.

So... two more bowlers. Siddle first. Should have been better backed up in Brisbane and bowled with real skill in Melbourne. Tries his bollocks off. Then... Tremlett. Has bowled beautifully in his two games and convinced any doubters. Sould have been better supported by all his colleagues in Perth otherwise might have seen a different result there.

No place for Bresnan. Bowled superbly in Melbourne but hasn't done enough to get the nod at this point.

Cook. Strauss. Trott. KP. Mr Cricket. Bell. Haddin. Swann. Siddle. Tremlett. Anderson. The funny thing is... it really doesn't look any better than the England XIs we have put out with the exception of Mr Cricket for Colly...

Hang on a Minute...

As much as Wickman has enjoyed watching us browbeat and demoralise this Aussie XI and "retain the Ashes for the first time in 24 years" the job isn't finished. Not by a long stretch.

Any England cricket fan worth his or her salt will want to see us press for a series win in Sydney, no less. There will be a real sense of deflation in the Wickman camp if we come away from this at 2-2. While we will still have the urn, Aussie sides of the past 20 years made sure they won the thing outright and didn't retain it on a technicality.

This England side earned the right to come into this series with the advantage of having the Urn, compelling Australia to beat us to get it back. But who seriously thinks its enough to come away with a series draw and say "Well, we played them in their back yard and kept it - that's good enough for me?"

There was a sense last night in the early hours as the old guard who knew the feeling (Gower, Botham) and Hussain (who never did) failing to spot that the job isn't finished yet. Declaring England to be the better side and burnishing the pedestal was a failure to understand the real hurt of the last 20 years. That has been that we have been comprehensively dismantled in most of the intervening series. They have been pretty one sided and in most of them we have failed to take a lead at any point in them barring the miracle of Edgbaston when Nasser got a big score and the last two home series where we have largely come from behind to turn things around.

This is a good achievement no doubt. We've secured the Ashes until 2013 and no one can take them away. But the bragging rights will be much diminished if we don't put another convincing performance together with bat and ball in Sydney and at least shade the game.

There are five more days left in this series. The clamour for Australia to start rebuilding and pick the successes from this team (Hussey, Haddin, Siddle, Watson [ish]) and pick seven amoebas to prepare them for the next Australian Reich is somewhat premature.

Ponting MUST captain the side in Sydney. He has one last shot at redemption and must be offered the chance to take it. The only established batsman who could take the honour is Clarke and if anything he is in worse nick than Punter. Mr Cricket does not have captaincy credentials. Too quiet. Too nice. Haddin for some reason is never mentioned. Watson is a grade A nobber and never looks interested unless someone is giving him sh*t in the middle. There isn't anyone else in the Melbourne XI who is guaranteed a trot out in Sydney.

And Punter must bat at three. He might not be making runs right now but is Khawaja or Ferguson the answer in a crunch match with England on fire with the ball? Neither have done much to recommend them while England have been touring. Why set them up to fail now? Those guys need to come in at five and six and be given an opportunity to suss the game out. Hussey needs to come in at four but hopefully when the ball isn't new. Haddin has been batting a position too deep.

The selectors ought to dispense with Hughes right now and let him get some runs against a side that don't know how to bowl at him. And they should jettison Clarke as well for a Test. Let him get some runs in Shield stuff and prepare for the one dayers. Bring back Katich. Wickman hates watching him but he's a better bet than Hughes. Persist with Watson in the Hayden role. And blood one of the newbies. So: Katich, Watson, Punter, Hussey (step up man!), Khawaja / Fergusson, Haddin as a top six which should be able to make 350.

Then remodel the bowling attack. Now Wickman's knowledge of fringe members of the Aussie squad is not what it should be but let's face it with Harris on the gurney for two months it's time for some desperate action. Whatever reason that Hauritz has been left out needs to be addressed and he needs to play ahead of the spinner no one wants to play... Beer. Siddle is inked in. A real tryer with some passion. Wickman likes the cut of his gib. Johnson. Johnson. He needs someone to give him a rollicking and to stop fannying around.

There was a moment in Trotty's innings where he was scratching out his mark again. Johnson decided to come round the wicket. And there he was, captured on camera, re-gripping the ball like Sergio Garcia with the yips, and running through a little warm up "jump, rotate arm, let go of ball while rolling fingers down the seam" routine. He's been over coached, over tolerated. FFS! Get him in a room with Brett Lee and Merv Hughes after a few beers and get them to tell him how to let it rip again. He was the best cricketer in the World 18 months ago.

Hmm. So that's Hauritz, Siddle and Johnson. Is Bollinger fit? Don't rate him actually. Where's Tait? Yes. Bring back Tait. Get him to bowl at 97 mph for a bit. One match. NO pressure. Just knock some heads together. And then pick Smith. For the future. And find one other bowler from Shield cricket. Perhaps that chap who got some England wickets earlier in the tour. Katich. Watson. Punter. Hussey. Khawaja / Fergusson. Johnson. Smith. Hauritz. Siddle. Tait. A N Other.

It's not a world beater but it gives Australia a chance of getting something from the wreckage.

WIckman's View from Behind His Fingers

So erm... there it was. The comprehensive Ashes winning performance that everyone expected from this England team. Not.

Wickman mentioned that this Australian side hadn't just become Bangladesh overnight and that there was no guarantee that we would win on a result wicket. But my oh my how we capitulated. In just about total control at 0-78 after getting Australia for a manageable 268 you would have thought that our much vaunted top six could have rattled up 400 and put the boot on the Aussie neck.

But Johnson suddenly found his range and Harris delivered and once again we'd thrown away a dominant position against the old enemy like we managed to in Headingly 2009. Immediately the English media have turned on the team - almost in some form of payback for the guys letting them down after they had written so much guff about how we were going to wipe the floor and keep the Urn in time for Christmas.

The title of this piece would suggest that Wickman actually watched some of this test. Well. He didn't. The lure of a lie-in on the Saturday and Sunday mornings (with no golf to drag him from his sack) was too much to resist. When he turned on the radio for an update it was clear that torturing himself by trying to get up and wrest the remote from Spongebob watching little Wickmen was going to be too much of a battle - especially if it was going to be to see various England tyros ducking bullets from Johnson and wetly steering Harris to the slip cordon.

That it was topped up by the thought of watching Watson finally get past 60 and us bowling full tosses at the middle of Hussey's bat was too much to bear. So rather like the England team after the second day, Wickman chalked this one up to the cricket Gods and set his alarm clock for Melbourne.

The MCG Test now takes on massive significance. There is already talk that the Aussies are preparing another result wicket (although one that won't take any turn). We are back to West coast time so it will be possible (if not desirable) to watch the first sessions rather than the evening ones which really didn't go England's way in Perth. And we are now back in a series - a good old fashioned dog fight the like of which we haven't seen in Australia for years. Two tests to go and the Ashes could reside with either country. But you get the feeling that both sides are pretty fragile right now. If one gets on top in Melbourne then the series is heading in that direction.

Right now it's too close to call. England have had one hand on the trophy and you wonder if at 78-0 they actually were imagining they had two on it. England took 20 wickets for the second successive test. We just failed to tough it out with the bat. That's three times we've capitulated in this series against two decent efforts. It's time the batsmen came back to the party and this time bought some booze and a couple of racy birds too.

Perth Hoodoo... Will it Help?

What with the all the triumphalism about in the English media and the downright suicidal tone in the Australian media, you would be forgiven for thinking that England will destroy Australia for a decade this Thursday.

During an Ashes series abroad it's traditional for the Aussie media to be raising Shane Warne onto a pedestal. But things have got so grim for them that this time around it's because he's shtupping a middle aged lady with great cans who has appeared in some adverts, a dress held together with safety pins and was cast aside in favour of a skanky prostitute by floppy haired fop Hugh Grant. If you were English you might be asking why he has to fly round the world to score these days. But then that's probably because he already has every woman's telephone number in Australia on his mobile.

And actually things are pretty grim for Australia. So bad so that Greg Chappell has tried to post-rationalise dropping Johnson as a "rotation policy". They've picked someone called "Beer" to give the sub-editors on Aussie newspapers something else to pun with rather than simply variations on "Selectors are idiots, team is a disgrace". And one paper has called for the resignation of chief selector Andrew Hilditch. But only after the World Cup. Crikey. The press must be hoping he stuffs that up too so they can carry on writing this stuff until well into April.

So the question is... how bad actually IS it in the Aussie camp? Are they feeling the pressure? Well... there are very few of them claiming they are going to win the Ashes now. In fact all talk of targetting batsmen is out of the window. The press are hoping that Jimmy A has screwed himself by flying back to the UK. (Interestingly he claims to have stayed on Aussie time for his visit - very easy with the UK dark for 24 hours a day at the moment). They also seem to be hinting that the England players will be so exhausted from catching up with 44 days of no conjugals that they will be unable to stand on Thursday never mind bat, bowl or field. And there is some crowing about Cooky not batting for three consecutive millennia on a pudding in Melbourne.

This is STILL not a terrible cricket side even if the preparation and background work from the selectors and media people has been poor. Ponting, Clarke and Hussey are still good bats. Watson is a good number six who just happens to be opening. Haddin is as good as any keeper batsman, Gilchrist aside, that Australia have produced including Healey. There are runs in them there hills... even if the openers look a bit iffy.

The bowling does look a bit popgun at the moment but Perth is just the place (if the curator is to be believed) for a fast / seam attack to prosper. Especially if it's green to start with. That will be a good toss to lose. And England have already fallen over once in the series and haven't dominated in any of the State games in the way that did on the flat Test tracks we've all become used to.

You sense that the Aussies are desperate to have a result wicket here. They cannot afford to lose, but a draw simply puts more pressure on them to win two on the bounce on tracks that are not expected to be wicket fests. There is some debate as to what a four day wicket in Australia is like but that's what the curator has prepared he claims and monkeys to the hierarachy at the WACA who would prefer the game to go the distance.

So this has all the hallmarks of a shootout, here and now, for the urn. Win this and the Aussies only need to win one more game. Lose it and they have to win two to even draw the series, Ashes gone. The only fly in this particular ointment is that actually England have been better in seaming / quick conditions than Australia recently. Game well and truly on.

HWRCC 2011 COMMITTEE & CLUB CAPTAINS

Captain of the Club and Chairman of Committee:

KEITH NICHOLLS

Hon. Secretary:

NICK CLARK

Hon. Fixture Secretary:

JOEY BREAKWELL

Hon. Treasurer:

KEITH NICHOLLS

Hon. Fundraiser:

MATTHEW DAVIES

Hon Colts Leader:

CHARLIE BROWNING

Welfare Officers :

M FLETCHER, JOE EWEN

CAPTAINS

1st XI Saturday:

MATTHEW DAVIES

2nd XI Saturday:

DAVID FUDGE

3rd XI Saturday:

NATHAN SINGH

Sunday XI:

GRAEME TONG

Wednesday XI:

ROBERT SISSEN

Twenty20 XI:

MARK MACKIE

Club Scorer:

ALSION WHITCHER

League Represntative:

TOM CROWTHER

Elected Committee Members

GREG UNSWORTH

STEPHEN RILEY

PHILIP LINTER

MATTHEW GOULBORN

Kit Manager:

RICHARD COLE

WICK

2010 CHAIRMANS AWARD WINNER - NICK CLARK

The Chairman's Award is special!! By all means fill your boots with 500 runs or take 50 wickets, we won't mind that!! But what really makes a club tick, is it's members and one's devotion to the cause, devotion to the WICK!!

Lots of people up and down the country play cricket. But there are a few special people at every club that put in hideous amounts of effort to ensure that majority are able to just turn up and doe exactly that; play. It's the behind the scenes stuff that really makes a cricket club what it is and the WICK such a special place to be a member of.

We are fortunate to have a number of these special people at our club and they have once again given up their time to help improve the WICK in 2010.

So rightly so the following people received nominations for the 2010 Chairman's Award; Dominic Lown, David Fudge, Greg Unsowrth and Charlie Browning all made a real difference this year and their hard work will never go un-recognised, however this years recipient really stood out from the crowd.

Nick Clark was announced the winner of the Chairman's Award for 2010 and received his trophy to rapturous applause on Sat night.

Nick's persistent effort to move the club forward was rewarded with the WICK being awarded Club Mark in the Spring of 2010. This was a great achievement by Nick and the rest of the sub committee and provided a real feather in the clubs cap. Clarky wasn't done there. He excelled in his new role as Chief Selector, helping the league captains continuously get strong teams out on a Saturday and actually represented the WICK in League, Sunday and Wednesday cricket to show their is life in the old dog yet. Add this to being Hon. Club Sec and head of club communications (Who is WICKMAN?), Nick was also pivotal in helping persuade GRCP to become new Sponsors of the HWRCC Colts.

All that's left to say is, Thank You Nick, and you are totally and utterly WICK!!

WICK

2010 PLAYER OF THE YEAR - NOMAN ALI

2010 PLAYER OF THE YEAR

– THE NOMINEES

• Noman Ali

• Graeme Tong

• Tom Donnelly

- THE WINNER

NOMAN ALI

2010 BOWLER OF THE YEAR - GRAEME TONG

2010 BOWLER OF THE YEAR

– THE NOMINEES

• Graeme Tong

• Joey Breakwell

• Tom Donnelly

- THE WINNER

GRAEME TONG

2010 BATSMAN OF THE YEAR - NOMAN ALI

2010 BATSMAN OF THE YEAR

– THE NOMINEES

• Noman Ali -

• Matthew Goulborn

• Kamran Raza

- THE WINNER

NOMAN ALI

2010 FIELDER OF THE YEAR - HARRY COPELAND

2010 FIELDER OF THE YEAR

THE NOMINEES

• Kamran Raza

• Harry Copeland

• Imran Rashid

- THE WINNER

HARRY COPELAND

2010 - WICK XI

1) Noman Ali

What a debut season from the WICKS new 1st XI Star. An ever present in the team, Noman amassed an impressive 66o runs in 16 league games at an average of 47 as well as taking 28 wickets at just over 20 a piece. This was Noman’s first season in England and he is already looking forward to even more success in 2011.

2) Matthew Goulborn

Matthew really benefited from a full season of cricket has he maintained fantastic form throughout the year. 440 league runs included a memorable hundred at home to Mitcham and he wasn’t done there. A regular member of the midweek side, he also notched three figures against the reliably strong, Wine Trade.

3) Nathan Singh

Nathan was the epitome of consistency in 2010 reaching double figures on all but two occasions in a total of 14 innings. With three scores in the 30’s and three others in the 40’s Nathan will be kicking himself that he didn’t manage a half century, but will be delighted with accruing 360 runs and his highest overall run total in a league season. Nathan is one of the most naturally destructive batsmen in the club and I am sure that the newly appointed 3rd XI skipper will build on last years efforts and lead from the front in 2011.

4) Kamran Raza

Kamran once again led from the front in the 1st XI year by contributing heavily with both bat and ball. Kammy scored a valuable 438 league runs, including 4 half centuries and reverting to off spin took 29 league wickets at under 20 a piece. Kamran’s bucket like hands also saw him take 11 catches and making him a nominee for the fielder of the year award.

5) Alex JacksonAJ represented a promotion pushing 2nd XI 14 times last year and contributed a healthy 364 runs from just 12 innings. AJ joined Goldy in a record stand of 178 against Mitcham by helping himself to a league hundred of his own. Batting at #5 AJ was not out 5 times as he often found himself taking apart the spinners and finishing off an innings. AJ finished 2010 with a healthy average of 45 and will be a key member of the team if the 2’s are to go at least one better and secure promotion in 2o11.

6) Joe Hirsch

This was the season the Joe really came of age and turned natural talent into regular runs. Joe amassed 275 in just 10 3rd appearances including two half centuries and contributed well to the 2nd XI when called up for duty. Joe will know doubt look to build on 2010‘s achievements and press on next year.

7) Harry Copeland +

Harry’s glove work improved out of sight in 2010 and a new found confidence saw him take a huge step forward. Harry plucked 12 important catches many of which that turned the game at vital times. Harry has the ability with both bat and ball to push for higher honours in 2011 and as he is already being touted as a 1st XI keeper of the future. Harry is a WICK star in the making and real asset to the club.

8) Graeme Tong

Graeme had the unenviable task of juggling opening the bowling for the 1st XI with being captain of the Sunday team yet he seemed to thrive under the pressure. A true club man Graeme finished a memorable 2010 with 46 wickets and over 250 runs for the club. Graeme led from the front in both teams but shone for the 1’s by taking 31 wickets at just 15 a piece. Graeme is the newly appointed 1st vice captain and will continue to steer the Sunday ship so 2011 promises to be equally as challenging.

9) Tom Donnelly

Tom broke the thirty league wicket barrier for the 1st time in 2010 as he led the 3rd XI attack with great pace and control. Tom finished in the leagues top 10 wicket takers and boasted three 5 wicket hauls in doing so. Tom’s 7/39 was the pick of the bunch as he tore through Oxted and Limpsfield’s top order.

10) Greg Unsworth

Greg was rewarded for a flying start to the season with a well deserved call up and new ball duties for the 1st XI by the end of the 2010 campaign. Greg bagged 9 wickets in his first 3 league games for the 2’s and continued to terrorize 1st and 2nd XI opening bats with late swing throughout the season. Greg finished with 26 league wickets at 19 a piece and signed off in style with 3 for 44 for the 1st XI against promotion pushing Battersea Ironsides.

11) Joey Breakwell

New signing Joey Breakwell joined the 2nd XI from promotion winning Brook and kicked on from where he left off with his former side by being bang amongst the wickets in 2010. Joey announced himself in just his 1st game by taking 4 for 24 against arch rivals Stoke D’Abernon and he followed that up with the seasons most remarkable figures of 10 over’s, 8 maidens 2 for 8 against Old Hamptonians. Only injury stopped Joey from taking league honours as his season was cut 4 games short. However 35 wickets at just over 11 was a great return in your first season for a new club.

WICK

Wickman Calls for New Ashes Venue

It's never usually a good idea to watch the Perth test. Wickman can't remember the last time he tuned into one. He tried to tune into the 2006 test but left it until day 4 by which time it was all over and everyone had packed up and gone home.

Given that the first hour of every session (in fact in many cases the first OVER of each test) of this series has been so vitally important, what idiot decided to schedule an Ashes test in Perth of all places? It's bad enough having to wait until midnight our time to kick off a test on Australia's Eastern seaboard. But coverage won't start until 2am UK time for next week's test and the day's play probably won't get underway until 3am or something hideous.

Now there will be some workshy fops down at the Wick who will be saying "what's not to like Wickman my old buddy, my old chum?" because they will be planning to "get up really early" at about 8am and watch a bit of the final session in their fluffy slippers with Mumsy handing them tea and toast etc.

For the rest of us faced with commuting tasks there will be no joy to be had. Time your morning routine wrong and you'll be having breakfast during the tea break and spending the final session on the 07somethingorother to Waterloo or 300 feet underground in a reeking tube carriage quitely fuming as some Antipodean rams his backpack into your goolies on his way to take a pefectly good bar job somewhere.

By the time you've got into the office, ogled the work experience girl, made a coffee, had your morning constitutional and got to your desk, the whole thing will be over and you will be reduced to watching the ball by balls from India vs Bangladesh or whatever other third rate contest is going on during God's own series.

There's still time to move this test to Peru or Paraguay in a bold move reminiscent of Qatar's bid to host the 2022 Footer World Cup, both of which are four hours behind GMT. This would be perfect allowing for almost a whole evening's booze-filled contemplation of the cricket in a suitable drinking hole in London. Cricket travellers bored of Australia, The West Indies and Cape Town would be rewarded with a new venue to tick off and there would probably be unrestricted access to class A drugs at ridiculous prices. The Aussies would be slightly inconvenienced, granted, as this would make it slightly more difficult for them. But it's not the middle of winter in Australia obviously. Get up at 5.30am or 6.00am and they'd see the majority of a day's play which would be a better compromise.

2-0 TO THE ENGERLAND... 2-0 TO THE ENGERLAND...

Botham and Chappell square up in car-park....

Ian Botham and Ian Chappell resumed their 30-year feud in spectacular fashion during the second Test in Adelaide, when they had to be pulled apart by their respective Sky and Channel Nine colleagues following a dust-up in the car-park at the close of the fourth day’s play.

Despite their regular stints in adjacent commentary boxes, neither man has spoken to the other in three decades, with the root of their feud lying in an incident at the Hilton Hotel during the Centenary Test in Melbourne in 1977, when the then-uncapped Botham claimed to have punched the recently retired Chappell off his bar-stool in response to his disparaging remarks about the English.

On Monday, the two came close to blows once again when, according to The Daily Mail, Chappell muttered something provocative in Botham’s direction, before both men dropped their bags and went for each other’s throats. “They might be aged 55 and 67, but neither of them are the type of people to give an inch in the face of conflict,” said a source at Channel Nine.

A Convenient Way to Win

So in the end England beat the rain by 30 odd overs and Australia by an innings and 71. Those of us that watched it live will have seen something strangely familiar but not been quite able to put our fingers on why.

Here we were, watching the final day of an Ashes test match and seeing a side crumble into dust like a vampire exposed to the light at the denouement of one of those great 70s Christopher Lee classics that used to scare the bejasus out of us as kids (well, those of us of Wickman's *ahem* vintage). It felt good. But hell's teeth it was Australia doing the crumbling and not us!

Mike Hussey's pull shot from a Finn short ball that barely got above waist height was criminally badly executed and poorly thought through. It might have been prompted by him feathering an edge off Swanny that got too big on Matt Prior, but it was the wrong shot for the circumstances.

Brad Haddin - so good up until now in this series - played down the wrong line as he had so many times in Brisbane - but this time got an edge. The rest were simply execrable. A tail? Wickman has seen illustrations of Brontosauri with shorter ones. Harris was simply cleaned up and the rest fumbled and groped at Swann like men who had consumed a vat of strong whisky the night before and were blearily fumbling for the alarm clock.

For some reason the presentations seemed to take an age to organise and a stream of delighted Englishmen (some naturalised, naturally) spoke to Athers and the underlying emotion was one of, well, joy. This was a really excellent performance from the first over right the way through the game. 20 wickets vs 5. The first innings defeat in Australia for Australia since 1993 by any team. An imperious century from KP and another chanceless knock from Cook. And then some very disciplined bowling all round, topped off by Swann using a wearing deck to perfection.

Make no bones about it (and you won't even find Australians doing that) they were totally outplayed in every area of the game in a way that we didn't even manage in 2005 and 2009. They were put on the rack, stretched and then broken. The question everyone is going to be asking is can Australia come back from this?

And Athers asked it of everyone he interviewed including Ponting. The message coming from the England spinners (media handlers, not Swanny and KP) was that this is a funny game that will turn round and bite you. Australia didn't become a bad side overnight and we need to stay focussed and not get ahead of ourselves. It seems clear that no one in the England camp wants to give the Australians any reason to get motivated. The Australian rugby team used to say of Matt Dawson era England that we were "pricks to lose to". Our cricketers are leaving nothing to chance.

Australia do have quite a bit going for them. At some point Watson will score a ton. Ponting is due too. Hussey is clearly seeing it like a space hopper. Haddin is very handy. And Clarke too is showing signs that he is still the heir apparent to Ponting at 3. It's in the bowling department that they are struggling to find a combination and a strategy. Siddle was okay. And Harris was the most effective. But the rest at the moment look like so many English strugglers of the 1990s and that's where they need to really improve. Is there anything out there apart from Johnson and Hauritz? The team for the Perth test will tell us if Australia have anything left in the tank.

Wickman can ask nothing more right now. Not only are we winning, we are winning big. And best of all, we're doing it before lunch. Which means those of us watching on this side of the globe can stay up just long enough to spam up facebook and twitter with magnanimous "never minds" for our unusually quiet Australian friends. Now that's a convenient way to win.

Enjoy it now... Ashes Day 9

With up one day remaining in the Adelaide Test, England look firm favourites to win it and go one up in the series, weather permitting.

Jubilant Barmy Army members in Australia and bleary eyed UK resident cricket fans will be willing them on when play begins early again after rain washed out part of today’s session.

In the meantime what should we be making of what’s going on down under? Two and three days into the series it looked like England were about to go down in flames again having contributed a limp batting performance and some less than incisive bowling to what was shaping up for an ominous Aussie win.

Since then Australia haven’t had a sniff. The public are staying away from Adelaide in their thousands largely leaving the BA to boss things in the supporting stakes. Last night in the first session when Australia batted every time Watson or Katich hit a boundary there was a very audible single scream of Australian joy from a person in the crowd. It was disturbing in tone – a sort of mini-orgasm – and in the fact that you could hear it at all in a venue where 20 odd thousand Aussies would usually be baying for blood.

That this Test started on a Friday partly explains the reason why there were so few Aussie fans there to see the day’s play. But mostly it’s because there’s a pall hanging over Australian cricket right now. If it wasn’t for Mr Cricket’s phoenix-like rise and Watson and Haddin’s sheer grit and in-your-face brashness you’d think we were playing an England side presided over by Ted Dexter.

That Ponting persevered with Doherty in this test undid all the good work the selectors undertook in jettisoning Hilfenhaus and Johnson. Harris is a good replacement with a bit of grunt but surely the England lads must be pissing themselves every time Doherty gets the ball. He looks like the duelling banjoist from Deliverance and the parallels between the central act of that movie and what KP has being doing to him recently are a painful reminder of when entertainment becomes too difficult to watch.

The Australian press have absolutely hammered their side for the last ten days. Some tabloids have taken to issuing guidelines as to how to do a rain dance. Others are trotting out (see what Wickman did there) the old canard about South Africans playing for England in desperation. Do they remember Kepler Wessels at all? The selectors and Ponting are said to be at loggerheads with Andrew Hilditch the one getting most of the abuse. Until Michael Clarke got runs last night the knives were out for him. Marcus North needs a bit innings it would seem. Nathan Hauritz’s standing as Australia’s best spinner increases every time Doherty sways past the wicket on his way to deliver another pie.

Wickman’s advice is simple. Sit back and enjoy it. Whatever happens tomorrow we're in the driving seat and it doesn't happen very often. And if you aren’t getting much in the way of banter from Australian chums who have gone worryingly silent get on to cricinfo. Right now its open season on the Ashes from our sub-continental chums who are up in arms about whether a series between the third and fifth ranked test nations is worth the candle… Wickman says it is. It’s been a long time since England played so positively and with such enjoyment. And a long time since Australia have had to overcome their own limitations, a panicking media and a home crowd as hostile as a Headingly Saturday. It might not happen again…

Poor Preparation Hampers First Day in Brisbane

Poor preparation dogged the first day of England's Ashes challenge down under leaving Wickman reeling at the end of the first day.

How could it happen? During the traditional warm up session, while the guys were netting, Botham was rabbiting on about the pitch and Bob Willis was no doubt frothing away about something completely non-sensical in a studio in West Middlesex, Wickman was in complete disarray.

Preparing for the first Ashes session of an Australian series is never normally problematic. You need to think about nutrition and hydration. Wickman booked himself and a cricket loving client into a decent restaurant to set about those issues but soon found himself under the cosh from the start.

A confident attempt at getting off the mark with a cheeky Reisling was cut off straight away by the sommelier who solemnly announced that there was a shortage. An attempt to force away a request for a solid looking Rioja was also intercepted by the same guy. We had to settle for an inferior Sauvignon blanc and a Malbec. Good wines both but not perfect.

The food - something to take you through to lunch at 2.00am - needed to stand up the rigours of 2 hour session. First up there's going to be a bit of moisture around and you need something to absorb it if you are going to avoid trips to the loo at vital moments. Venison loin just wasn't up the job leaving Wickman hopping from butt cheek to butt cheek during the first session later. Bread and butter pudding didn't sort the issue out. And a complimentary bottle of Muscat with the pudding left Wickman and guests over-hydrated

Transport to the ground was also an issue leaving Wickman 10 minutes from home with 8minutes until the first ball after a snafu in Knighstbridge. And horror of horrors when Wickman reached the sofa, turned on the telly and sat down he realised that Mrs W had removed the cushions and put them in the wash. Expecting a soft track which Wickman was well prepared for, he was instead confronted by one of the hardest decks you can imagine with ridges on a length and no give whatsoever.

Which left him in absoltuley no state to spectate the first over from Hilfenhaus so it was no surprise that Straussy wafted at the third ball and contributed to his sense of utter befuddlement. Soon the Muscat came back to bite leaving him totally nonplussed at the score on returning from the traps and having to watch Trotty play that horrible shot to Tommy Trundle's fifth ball.

Things would only get worse as the session progressed as snacks were now necessary to get through to lunch. Ditto coffee. By 2.30am it was all over as the combined stresses of the evening prompted a hypglaecemic episode and Wickman was luckily spared much of the post-tea carnage, comatose as he was.

Wickman has picked up valuable lessons for his preparation tonight. Eating is obviously cheating so he's off for a few jars in Soho...

It's Here...

So finally the most anticipated Ashes series since the last Ashes series begins today. In this correspondent's memory, no England team has ever been more fancied to take an overseas Ashes series since... well... Wickman can't actually remember.

Mike Gatting's side in 1986 weren't really favourites - although Australia were in the toilet it transpired. When we went back out in 1990, despite having been absolutely destroyed in 1989, England using 300 players in one series and finally being captained by a small Dutch boy who's only claim to fame until then was sticking his finger in a Dike and saving Holland - some people actually thought we had half a chance. But England only got close to a win in the 3rd Test and were two down by then.

This time around though there are signs that the Australians are not in great nick physically and more important, mentally. Ponting is not in vintage form and the Australian top six doesn't look to be much cop either. That said it's not as if England are either. What you can say is that with the England team on the psychologist's couch you'd have an easier set of conversations than you would if they were facing Langer, Hayden, Gilchrist, Warne and McGrath.

Going back four years your combined xi would be Langer, Hayden, Ponting, KP, Hussey, Clarke, Gilchrist, Flintoff, Warne, McGrath and Lee. One Englishman. Vaughan was injured and Tres didn't make the trip.

If you had to pick a combined top six today you'd probably go with Strauss, Watson, Ponting, Pietersen, Clarke, Bell. Well, Wickman would. Nothing in it between Prior and Haddin for the glovework.

It gets interesting bowling wise as you would have to pick Johnson. Or rather the one that could find the cut strip. But you'd also have to pick Broad and Swann. And then there's not a fag paper between all the rest of Australia's bowlers and Steve Finn. So, on atmospherics alone, you'd go with Anderson surely? Although Wickman guesses that no one in the Green and Gold would buy that argument.

Wickman thinks that despite the hype in the build up - at least for once England decided to turn up and play some proper cricket and didn't get dicked on by a bunch of contemptuous State sides - this is going to be as tight as 2005 and 2009. There's not going to be much in it. The Australian top six is as good as ours. The bowling conditions will not give us much of an advantage.

And the killer factor. Swanny is a very good bowler. No question of that. But when did an offspinner - or any finger spinner - last take a series defining bag of wickets in Australia? Now this is a difficult question... because with Warney around for so long, the Aussies didn't have to play one for a decade so we've not much to compare. But very few visiting offies have done the business over there in the last decade... so perhaps the one bowler who offers something truly different, truly world class might not be the difference as much of the UK media has been saying for the last month.

Which is all good. While the red, white and blue bit of Wickman would settle for a brutal, clinical destruction of Australia in 11 days of Test cricket it's not going to happen and a tight series with everything to play for on Boxing Day would make for a far merrier Christmas than the last time we showed up, Ashes in our back pockets looking for a fight and were down and out, gasping for air, half way through December.

Where will you be at midnight? Client ents allowing, Wickman will be on Clarky's sofa, tuned in to Sky HD. Probably full of red wine, carefully shutting one eye to try to focus on what he is hoping will be best Australian series since 1986...

HWRCC 2011 - Internal Opportunities

Internal Opportunities

Please take time to read the following internal opportunities and see where you can help the club in 2011.

With the AGM fast approaching we would like to have people in place on the night so that decisions can be made and new committee members elected.

If you are interested in any of the role's below or have an opinion on somebody else who maybe please reply to this email in complete confidence. Please reply no later than Fri 26th November with your nominations.

Thank you in-advance and the committee look forward to seeing all of the clubs members at the AGM on Thursday 2nd Dec.

Hon. Fixture Sec.

Role;

HWRCC requires a new Hon. Fixture Sec to arrange all Pre-Season, Sunday and Midweek Fixtures. (Including Bushy Park League & 20/20 Group Games)

The new Hon. Fixture Sec will be passed a list of contact details for the current clubs/fixtures in place and will benefit from a full handover and guidance where required from the current position holder.

The committee would like to take this opportunity to thank Dominic Lown for all his efforts over the past three years.

League Representative.

Role;

The HWRCC League Representative is not an onerous job and will be reduced even further if and when 1st XI get promoted.

The League Rep will be the recipient of numerous emails from the leagues both Fullers and Surrey Championship and will be updated with all the news relating to the competition themselves.

This role would ideally suit somebody who is regular Saturday player/scorer and is in touch with what is going on in each of the 3 teams each weekend.

Regular use & knowledge of Play Cricket would be greatly beneficial.

The committee would like to take this opportunity to thank Julian Ratnage for all his efforts over the past five years.

Social Sec.

Role;

The social side of any cricket club is vitally important as well organised social events can provide much needed revenue. The WICK is no different and with a willing and able membership when it comes to attending and supporting such events, this is an exciting opportunity for somebody to go down in WICK history.

Under 10's - Colts Coach.

Role; The candidate will be required to assist with the management and coaching of the 2011 Under 10's (and then follow the team through the age groups) at HWRCC.

This role involves 2 hour coaching duty on Sundays between 10:00-12:00 during Apr - July 2011 and the occasional involvement in midweek matches. (arranging teams and umpiring etc)

WICK

Aussie Selection Lessons from Tasmania - Day One

Wickman was absolutely delighted to discover that the final warm up game was on Sky last night. In HD. From Hobart. In his living room. Where his bottle of Laphroig was.

And as luck would have it England won the toss, stuck Australia A in, and we got to have a look at some of the 17 that the Aussie selectors have "picked" for Brisbane. And even some that just missed out.

Admittedly in almost perfect English conditions, Chris Tremlett absolutely destroyed Phil Hughes early on with one that climbed a bit and left him. Nicked it to slip where Strauss pouched it. Selectors get a tick there. They left Hughes out and he looked out of touch.

That was very good news because it allowed us to look at the much hyped Usman Khawaja. This guy is probably Mike Hussey's long term replacement. Left handed. Tall. Touch of the David Gower about him perhaps. He looked classy. Well. He blocked it well. Got in behind a probing off stump line from Shezad and looked comfortable with ball dug in shortish. But then nicked a full one behind. Selectors get a cross. Too early for the guy surely to be put under pressure by picking him in the squad and telling him if he gets runs he might get a debut?

The good thing was that got us a look at Ferguson. Ferguson has already had two looks at the Test attack with modest returns so it was probably only fair to give him a go against our net bowlers. He also nicked one, this time off Bresnan who must have thought he was back in Yorkshire so awful were the conditions. Another cross.

There was time before lunch to watch One Day stalwart Cameron White cleaned up completely by Tremlett and to hear Ian Healey and a couple of other Aussie commentators talking up Smith's batting as if that might get him the nod next Thursday. That he made 59 on a day when none of the Aussie likely top 6 made it past 17 suggests it might not be a bad call... but another cross as he won't play next week as a bat.

Not much to suggest that picking 17 was worth the media coverage. Wickman will be back tonight to see if Smith can bowl. Evidence so far from his one day career suggests we aren't about to see a ball of the century from him at Brisbane...

Cricket Australia PR Lessons

The last couple of days have been a bit of a disaster for the Cricket Orstralia public relations machine. Normally a well oiled operation that exists to crush the joy for Englishmen out of the build up to a series in Oz, this time they are in the middle of giving England a 13th man. The media.

But they aren't being helped by the Aussie selectors, let's face it.

For some reason which has escaped Wickman (something to do with sponsorship no doubt) CA decided to announce their team for the Ashes the best part of a week earlier than usual. Fanfare was planned. Couple of sangers on the barbie outside the Opera House in Sydney.

Anyone in PR will tell you that you can't control the weather for these things so it's not their fault that it pissed down with rain and the public stayed away in droves.

But they can and should have been able to control the media message and push the selectors to man up and take some decisions. But what they put out was in Lord Sugar language a shaaammmbles.

The timing of the announcement went against them. With Katich and Bollinger coming back from injury, they needed an extra week to see if they were fit. Which they should have insisted on rather than come out with a statement to please the sponsors. Because who is cover for Katich? Ferguson or Khawaja? Neither is a specialist opener. Wickman thinks Siddle is cover for Bollinger? No one has really explained.

And why are there three spinners in the squad at this late stage? There's some talk they might not play any in this game. A week out have they really not decided whether it will be wrist or finger? And if it's finger, left or right arm?

With Hussey batting as if holding a stick of rhubarb while facing Shoaib Akthar on a green top they needed batting cover.

The whole thing smacks of desperation and amateurishness. It's almost as if they are hoping that 12 of the 17 put their hands up this weekend and make a statement of intent. Erm... but not all of them are actually playing as some of the bowlers are being rested.

Oh. And the two standing by as batting cover were totally stitched up by the selectors and the fixture card. Sending them out to bat against an England attack in overcast, damp and green conditions in Hobart. Looks like Tremlett and Shezad have probably bowled Mr Cricket back into the 11...

While all this is going on of course the public relations guys have also been rolling the squad members out to the media. Back in the day (1995-2007 appx) they'd roll out Waugh, McGrath and Warner to the scribes. If these guys said they were going to grind England into the dust and shit on them you believed it. What was not to believe? Possibly Australia's grittiest bat ever, the best spin bowler in the history of the game and possibly Australia's finest fast medium man bar Dennis Lillee - all of them had the experience to call the result and the talent to back it up.

This series you get a procession of not quite made it bowlers like Bollinger and Hilfenhaus (have either won a Test against England?) talking about targeting Strauss. Oh please. He's the skipper and the opening bat. And Cook. Durrr. Oh and KP is a bit arrogant. Noooo really? What a snore fest. And then Mitchell "Sprays it" Johnson talking about the same stuff. It's just lamentable. And all it does is remind you (and the England boys) about how the aura is gone. Bollinger telling you he's going to target you? Oooooo scary.

All this makes Andrew Hilditch look like Captain Mainwaring from Dad's Army. Totally inept and in control of a rabble of average folk who wouldn't get into Steve Waugh or Mark Taylor's teams. But then thank goodness. Shane Warne has touched down in Oz. All is well. Someone to speak up on behalf of the team. He's called the selection clever or some such nonsense to paper over the fact that the team is either injured or in terrible shape. You can hear the echoes of Clive Dunn... "Don't Panic!"

With a week to go, sack the media handlers, jettison two of the spinners, make a decision about whether Ferguson or Khawaja is your back up for Katich and stop fannying about. If Australia don't man up now - and England have to go into Brisbane as favourites in an Ashes series for the first time in three decades - Wickman just won't enjoy this at all.

Ashes Preview... Rope a Dope or Dopes on the Ropes?

Rope a Dope is one of the most renowned sporting cons ever perpetuated in front of a global audience. On October 30th 1974 in Kinshasa, Zaire, Muhammad Ali challenged George Foreman for the heavyweight boxing title of the World. Called The Rumble in the Jungle, it is one of the greatest fights ever because the extraordinary hype and build up that preceded it was for once delivered on in style.

Ali lay against the ropes, conning Foreman into thinking he’d lost the plot and encouraged Foreman to batter him until Foreman became tired. Ali then went on the offensive having seemingly taken a terrible beating, surprising his opponent and the whole world into the bargain. He finished the fight in the 8th round and became champion again.

Before Shane Warne bowled “that ball” to Mike Gatting, there was a story doing the rounds that Warne and the Aussies had roped the England dopes that summer. Warne bowled some innocuous old rubbish around the counties before the series began. Matthew Fleming of Kent dispatched him at Canterbury and declared him a bit average or nothing special or some such. But late on that evening when Fleming was back in the hutch reading Playboy and drinking a couple of G&Ts Warney, who had been hiding his prodigious talent, apparently let rip and if anyone had been paying any attention by then, maybe Gatt might have had some forewarning.

Which is a long preamble to Wickman’s first pre-Ashes effort in 2010. And it’s to pose the question what the Devil is going on in Australia right now?

As Wickman writes, despite English players breaking each other’s ribs in practice, Cooky trying his damnedest to look like a broken man, and Swanny taking his wickets at about 25 instead of single figures etc etc it seems that for once England might have a genuine hope of competing in a Test series in Australia.

Because the Aussies are looking hapless. In fact the entire cricketing nation of Australia looks hopeless today. When in living memory did England ever touch down on Aussie soil, give a couple of amusing media interviews, bowl provincial sides out for under 250 (twice almost in the case of WA), no one score any runs against us and all the bats start scoring 50s?

Normally at the beginning of an Aussie tour batsmen who will never even get a sniff of the baggy green rack up giant personal scores against us – flint eyed and concrete hearted men who average more than 50 in first class cricket but haven’t even had a text from Andrew Hilditch and his chums. Then some bowlers we’ve never heard of scatter our bats and break our digits. McGrath and Warne, feet up somewhere in Wigga Wigga or Ayers Bush or Bondi Bridge, take time out from sipping on a daiquiri to pronounce that they will win 5-0 and whichever chump is Captaining England will be McGrath’s “bunny”.

This time? Yes McGrath has talked about a 5-0 score again. But he’s been out in the Aussie sun too much recently and never was much of a pundit. Warney is even starring in a promo for Sky’s coverage in which he’s allowed himself to be shown dreaming that England win.

Reeky Punting has even taken to warning us – in some kind of attempt at per siko logical warfare – that the Brisbane pitch is a bit of a one. There was a recent Shield game in which one side bowled the other out twice for less than 150 to make the point. So a bit of confusion has been sown. But he's been doing it while making those involuntary swallowing motions that make Wickman so confident that he could take him at Poker. At the same time Michael Clarke’s getting it in the knackers from the Aussie media because he’s lost the dressing room. Marcus North (not even sure of his place in the 11) is having to play down chat about becoming the next Aussie skipper. Mr Cricket is looking as if, if he doesn’t get a big score quickly, he might be team scorer by the time we get to Melbourne.

You could be forgiven for thinking that we are about to romp this. So let’s just pause for thought. Is this real? Are people really resorting to the line that Australia are traditionally strong in Australia as the only factor bolstering their Ashes challenge???

Wickman doesn’t believe it’s possible that Tim Neilsen has managed to arrange for Australian cricket to lull the England side into a false sense of preparedness by throwing one and a half games (so far), disappearing into internal captaincy rancour, openly attacking selection (and sacking Merv Hughes AS a selector), getting the press involved so that they slag off all the players and call for some untried (at Test level) hopefuls to come into the side before it’s too late. Oh and to talk up Doug Bollinger (really!) as the great injured hope who can turn things around.

But then he “remembers” (he was six years old – watch the amazing film “When We Were Kings” dir. Leon Gast if you were too young too) The Rumble in the Jungle and Muhammad Ali. Is this one big con on a massive scale? Are we being built up so that come the first day at Brisbane when Punter wins the toss and then grinds us into the dust everyone can enjoy Poms even more embarrassed?

Wickman can’t wait to find out…

Do Something WICK...

Cricket in Rwanda needs you!

As you are aware WICK member Steve Vaid is currently in Rwanda working together with an Aid Relief Charity and local communities to fight poverty and achieve lasting change. However in true WICK style, Steve has found himself heavily involved in local cricket.

Please see Steve's note below;

Hi Guys, just a quick thought, I guess you boys will be putting together a end of season dinner soon? I just wondered if there was any scope for getting together a collection of some old cricket kit for the clubs out here in Rwanda (colts esp.). There is a real need for anything serviceable - whites, pads, gloves, boxes (someone nicked mine in the first game out here and they are hard to get - believe me I have tried!), wk gloves / pads, bats, balls - you know the usual cricket playing paraphernalia. The stuff that we might chuck away would get more than a few more seasons of use out here.

Thanks in-advance for all your help,

Cheers,

Steve x

There will be a collection box that will accept all your donations at the clubs annual dinner on Sat 4th Dec.

Please give generously...

WICK

GETTING WICK WITH...

Shaun Whinney

1 Nickname(s): PE or P E man, Winnie man daygo

2 Highest Score for the Wick: 104 on the last game for the wick @ the wick

3 Best Bowling for the Wick: 5/24 v Old Suttonians 2ndX1

4 Favourite Away Ground: Teddington (keeping it to bushy park)

5 Favourite Food: Chicken Parmagiana or Roast Lamb

6 Favourite Singer/Band: Rage against the machine

7 Favourite Movie: Cool Runnings

8 Favourite Book: dick and dora

9 Favourite Pub/Club: Barneys on the beach in PE overlooking the pier and the best beach break ever!

10 Favourite Crisps: salt and vinegar

11 Favourite DBW Sandwich: tikka

12 Favourite Quote: “the house is on fire the roof is on fire” “ja bru”

13 Childhood Sports Hero: Jonty Rhodes

14 Best Wick Moment: club day 2008 and scoring a hundred at the wick on my last game..

15 Worst Wick Moment: Club day 2008

16 Invite 3 People to Dinner (Dead or Alive): Jesus, Kurt Cobain, Nelson Mandela

WICK

Colts Need U10 Coaches for 2011

Wickman has been working on the Clubmark development plan for 2011. It's painful stuff with numbers which is like asking Wickman to pull his own teeth. In the process though, he has seen some phenomenal progress in the Colts set up. By Christmas time the club will have 17... yes SEVENTEEN qualified coaches. This is an amazing achievement and is a tribute to the time and dedication that everyone in the set up is putting towards the future of the club.

But in a strange quirk of the numbers we find ourselves short in one age group - the Under 10s. Sam - head coach - currently level 2 qualified and perhaps heading on to level 3 this year - today spoke to Wickman and outlined the issue:

A serious issue we have is the coaches coming through the ranks, particularly at the younger age groups. We have an acute problem with the group that will be next year’s U10s. This is the year they start playing their first competitive league cricket and the coach of this year’s U9s, has said he is not able to commit to running that side next year.

Over the next few months both Surrey and Middlesex run their coaching programmes. Most of our coaches have done Level 1 but we need more, particularly to work with the young ones where it is really important they are taught the correct techniques from the outset. If any of the adult players would like to get involved it would be really appreciated. We are looking for those who can help coach on Sundays and also those who can help manage the teams on match days (usually weekday evenings) and umpire.

Wickman urges you, if you were thinking about how to give something back to cricket and to the club to consider this. Richard Cole has signed up and will go through the ECB Coaching programme during the Autumn but as you can see here the need is broader...

More Accolades...

HWRCC Colts section have won the West Middlesex Colts Association Spirit of Cricket Award for 2010. Every club in West Middlesex (there are about 15 that play colts cricket) votes on the team that they have played during the season that has best exhibited “Spirit of Cricket”.

All age groups from U10 to U17 are included in the vote and it’s a great award to win for the club because it reflects on the sporting ethos and the excellent team spirit that runs throughout the WICK. We will be collecting the trophy at the area awards on Friday and it will be added to the trophy cabinet with pride!

WICK

(Above the U14's show off their own silverwear)

2010 HWRCC COLTS AWARDS EVENING...

Hampton Wick Royal Cricket Club congratulates Matthew Rudolph on becoming the 2010 Colt of the Year. Matthew represents the U14's age group and is a promising keeper/batsman. As well as receiving the much coveted trophy, Matthew was presented with a £200 sports voucher courtesy of our new Colt Sponsors, Grass Roots Consumer Incentives. Matthew capped a memorable weekend by making his senior team debut in Sunday’s victory against Tuskers C.C.

Matthew was joined by the other award winners in all age groups from the Under 8's to the Under 15's.

For the latest on the HWRCC Colts please visit http://www.hwrcolts.co.uk/

WICK

2010 HWRCC ANNUAL DINNER

HWRCC 2010 END OF SEASON ANNUAL DINNER

* Champagne Reception
* Black Tie
* 4 Course Dinner
* 2010 Awards
* Silent Auction
* Heads or Tails
* Live Music

£40.00 Per Ticket
£70.00 Per Couple

Please RSVP - dominic_lown@hotmail.com & keithjnicholls@tiscali.co.uk

WICK

Chairman v Presidents 11th September

Hi,

due to a wedding which a lot of the old brigade are attending, the game is cancelled this year. Many think it is tactical, some think the president is scared.

Getting Wick With... Webbo

LUKE WEBSTER...

1 Nickname(s): Webbo, Tourettes

2 Highest Score for the Wick: 49 vs Enfield 2’s - 2004

3 Best Bowling fo the Wick: 7/54 vs Basingstoke 1’s - 2001

4 Favourite Away Ground: Tring

5 Favourite Food: Anything my mum makes

6 Favourite Singer/Band: The Jam

7 Favourite Movie: The Sting

8 Favourite Book: “Shit my Dad Says” by Justin Halpern

9 Favourite Pub/Club: Volts (1996-2001)

10 Favourite Crisps: Tommy Doritos

11 Favourite DBW Sandwich: Egg Mayo

12 Favourite Quote: “If you want it…..if you really want it…..go out and f**king get it” - Sir Ian Botham firing up his Durham team mates at tea in his last first class game.

13 Childhood Sports Hero: Jim Stannard/Simon Morgan – (FFC stalwarts for those who don’t know)

14 Best Wick Moment: Pretty much every time I have a beer on the balcony at the wick after a game or every time I get chucked the new ball but if I had to choose one……circa 2002….. bowling the Barclays Bank captain to win the game by 2 runs and immediately bursting into tears….once consoled I then found out it was the British Airways stewardess fancy dress party at the Wick….cue the St Trinians girls. Does it get any better?

15 Worst Wick Moment: Being robbed of 2 seasons because of shoulder injuries.

16 Invite 3 People to Dinner (Dead or Alive): Terry Tibbs, Saffron Burrows, Barack Obama

WICK

TEAM NEWS - SAT 4TH SEPT

HWRCC 2ND XI V Old Paulines C.C. (Away)

1) Cole
2) Fudge ©
3) Goulborn
4) Mackie
5) Jackson
6) High
7) Madoc-Jones J +
8) McMullan
9) Donnelly
10) Unsworth
11) Linter

Umpire: S. Riley
Scorer: N/A

Meet: 11:00
Start: 12:00

HWRCC V COLTS COACHES (Home)

1) Rashid
2) Singh
3) Hirsch
4) Cronin
5) Holland +
6) Edmonds
7) Nicholls ©
8) Selves
9) TBC
10) TBC
11) TBC

Meet: 13:00
Start: 13:30

WICK

TEAMS - SAT 28TH JULY

HWRCC 1ST XI V Battersea Ironsides (Home)

1) Davies
2) Ali
3) Rashid
4) Raza ©
5) Jackson
6) Madoc-Jones J
7) Crowther
8) Soppitt
9) Holland +
10) McMullan
11) Unsworth

Umpire: N/A
Scorer: A. Whicher

Meet: 12:00
Start: 13:00

HWRCC 2ND XI V Mitcham (Away)

1) Goulborn ©
2) Hirsch +
3) Deepak
4) Miles
5) Maloj
6) Cameron
7) Donnelly
8) Lown
9) Charlton
10) Linter
11) Nicholls

Umpire: S. Riley
Scorer: N/A

Meet: 10:45
Start: 12:00

HWRCC 3RD XI V Addiscombe (Home)

HWRCC 3RD CONCEED MATCH

WICK

TIPENE AND RUN...

HWRCC 1XI beat Chobham 1XI by 80 runs

'LITE DRIZZLE!' as one famous Sky Sports Producer/Presenter famously used to say on the Soccer AM weather report. And thus it was on a typical English August day.

The 1pm start had evaded Kam's knowledge, so arrival at 1250 didn't leave much time for warm ups. Especially for Tongshan who would be driving up late, leaving work at 1230. Upon opting to bat on what appeared to be a slow dead track, albeit a bit lively if yuo hit the seam, Davies and Ali were met by Mr Friday - the overseas bowler from hell who had apparently played against Mohammed Amir last year in the u19 World Cup.

A Kiwi, he was too quick for Davies who had seem the ball leave the hand before it dissapeared, Harry Potter style, the other side of the boundary rope, alongside its new friend Mr Leg Stump. 2 balls Davies managed.Rashid didnt fair much better, adjudged lbw first ball, although he maintains he was outside the line. At 1-2 off 5 balls we were in the sh*t. Enter skipper Raza who with Ali (Ali dominated the early partnership), took the score to 75. Ali perished hitting the buffet stuff at the opther end (everything was buffet comparatively) to long on. Cronin made a few, Crowther didn't, and then Raza eventually fell for an excellent 75 with the score on about 125-5.Enter Madoc-Jones C who took on the big man and slapped him all over the place. Great stuff. Pulls, aeriel drives etc. He fell attempting a Tongshan scoop. In between Tong added a single and Dutchy 1 3rd duck (3rd ball), before the final pair were brought together. Davies announced early doors that a score of 160 would have been enough, and we'd passed that already by the time the last pair took to the stage. 40 runs later, including a Paddy McMullan straight six, and the Wick were laughing at 227. Loadsa runs nad surely a record 10th wicket stand. Leggsy: 'What were you worried about?'

Teas - awesome. Not only were 3 Wickettes Ramadamning, but they had fresh pizza! And the bread was uber delish. 8 out of 10.

The response was eventful to say the least. Tong had to leave at 6pm (having arrived late!) meaning we would be down to 10 for half the innings. Then after half a dozen fairly uneventful overs, Holland palmed one onto 1st slip, and Raza took it in the brow, becoming the latest X Man auditionee in the process. Upon being helped inside by Nurse Rashid, he stayed off the field, only returning once Tong had to scarper. Thus the entire innings, save the first 6 overs, was conducted with 10 men. There were also 3 captains, as Raza, Tong and latterly Davies (advising Raza to concentrate on standing upright rather than rotating bowlers) took up the reigns. When his return, names of Cyclops and my favourite from Holland.....wait for it......'One Eye'. Brilliant. Bill Bryson would be proud of that one Aside from a gritty opener who scored a muzzled 64, Chobham offered little resistance (he was dropped on 10 btw).

Wickets fell fairly regularly once the first had gone to a good Davies catch at square leg. Ali, his best bowling performance since Sanderstead found some lovely shape, as well as good pace and caused problems. At the other end, the non-responsive end, Leggsy continued manfully, keeping a lid on things and allowing attacking fields throughout the innings. Toing switched eneds briefly pre departure and looked like Tongshan of old, some lovely extra pace and shape. He desrevd more than the 2 he got, but Ali was good value for his 5. Leggsys 1, a debut wicket for McMullan and a run out sealed victory fairly comfortably.

MOM - should be Ali for 39 runs and 5 wickets, but I will give it to Leggsy and McMullan for a rousing last wicket stand, and a wicket each to boot. Play played Greg McMullan.

Its too late for Tiddles.....

DUCKING THE ISSUE...

2ND XI SET NEW DUCK TAX RECORD, AS STOKE & OXTED CLINCH PROMOTION TO DIVISION 4!!

Result: Godalming CC - 2nd XI win 50 overs+bonus by 125 runs

Date: Sat 21st Aug 2010 @ 13:00

Ground: Hampton Wick Royal CC

Type: League : Division 5 - 2nd XI

There is an old saying that goes "In this world nothing is certain but death and duck taxes". A profound statement, wisely spoken however sadly no longer applicable in a world that continues to struggle with it's fierce financial foe. Like many things, Duck Tax was not recession proof and was abolished by founder Nick Clark in 2006. Luckily for some, especially the HWRCC 2nd XI, whom on Saturday 21st August 2010 would have set a NEW duck tax record, with no fewer than 6 contributing players.

People not up to speed on promotion pushes or top of the table clashes would have been forgiven for thinking that Saturday's match was a dead rubber, with both teams having very little to play for. However it was anything but a meaningless game and one that the 2nd XI had to win and win well if they were to apply any pressure on the top two teams in the league.

With 3 games left and the 2's having to win-in and rely on either Stoke or Oxted slipping up, we welcomed an ageing Godalming side to the WICK.

I mentioned above a quote that detailed two of life's certainties. One other I forgot to mention is the certainty that come the month of August of any year and despite lofty league positions, the WICKS availability becomes the weakest it has been all season and many other teams carefully manipulate the league rules to ensure they either continue their push for promotion or guarantee their survival from the drop. Godalming fighting for the later called on the services of former 1st XI captain John Milner, opening bat Tom Hickey and new ball bowler Sam Tunbridge all of whom were miraculously dropped from 1st XI duties JUST before making their 12th appearance for that side and therefore freeing them up for 2nd XI selection. You know, just in case the situation should call for it!! Our friends at the top of the league did a similar thing, with Stoke's Will Frost bagging 12 wickets in 5 league games having been "dropped" from the 1's.

In a nut shell the rules say that if you have played 12 games (two 3rds of the season) for a higher team, you can't play in a lower side for the remainder of the season. Hence week 11 becoming the most pivotal weekend of the season and one that has drawn recent (half way through this sentence) comparisons to the January transfer window in football. Technically these sides are doing nothing wrong and if the WICK were blessed with better availability and more players of a higher calibre that could drop down a side and make a real difference, then we would probably entertain doing the same, however it does make me sit and wonder if the rules could be different and these dramatic end of season changes could be avoided?

Back to Saturday's game and a brief summary of the "duck debacle". Winning the toss and bowling 1st the WICK dismissed all but the experienced Mr Milner for 174. A good effort but probably 50 runs too many having had Godalming at 96/6. Webster and Lown bowled well, whilst the others; Fudge, Donnelly, Marfleet & Cole struggled with rhythm and although their figures read well, we felt we had got away with a few and stemmed the flow b taking wickets on a regular basis. The fielding was bright on a dull and dreary day with Soppitt's catch providing a particularly early and very memorable ray of light. 27 extras also stood out, with Fudge being the main culprit, struggling to control the swing and despite the whole team telling him to slow down, still trying to bowl to fast. Fudge who only bowled for the 1st time in week 11 of the season, (see what I did there?) is perhaps wishing he hadn't! That way he would have spared this side the erratic spells he has subsequently subjected them too in recent weeks.

Looking back, tea should have given us an early indication of what our batting was likely to resemble. DBW is himself coming to the end of a long hard season and it was reflected in his culinary calamity. Lacking in both quality and quantity, even the egg mayo lacked guts and application something that would go on to sum up our batting display. 5/10.

I am loathed to call our run chase, "a chase". In order to chase something you at least have to fake a start, leave with intent and even threaten to break sweat. This was definitely not a chase. Godalming bowled well and held their catches but even they would agree that very limited skill was required on their part. Take the opener, Linegar for example. He must be 50 if he is a day and whilst he is wholly accurate his slow, left arm dobbers are crying out to be hit into the middle of next week. He is the type of bowler that if you faced him in the nets you would only get one ball every 5 or 10 minutes from. Not because of an exhausting run up, or because that's all he would require to hone his skill but because that's how long it would take him to fetch the ball from the other side of the park. Yet on Saturday we proceeded to play him as if he were Wasim Akram and as wickets fell quicker than Diversity on wet stage, this was never going to be our day.

So we crumbled to 49. The lowest WICK total this correspondent can remember in 18 seasons at the club. As a side we can only apologise to the WICK balcony faithful, whom if they had paid to watch such a heartless performance would have been banging on the home dressing room door and demanding their money back. The fact that they just quietly drank up and left shortly after stumps spoke louder than of any amount shouting or banging would have done.

The 2nd XI are guaranteed to finish 3rd in 2010 and despite this being a massive disappointment it is still an improvement on last years 4th place. Cricket is a game of stats yet some of ours just don't seem to add up. In the 8 games played against the top 5 teams in the league we have only lost 1. 5 wins (including a double over potential champions Stoke) and a winning draw meant we should have achieved more than we have this season. Points lost against Godalming (twice) and Old Paulines at home leave a bitter taste in the mouth but they will be the reason why we haven't progressed another run up the ladder.

We wish both Stoke & Oxted lots of luck in Division 4. Oxted are a proper cricket team whom deserve their promotion and are clearly capable of challenging for honours higher up. Therefore, maybe I should re-phrase that sentence and send all the luck to Stoke! The boys from D'Abernon are a nice bunch, who wouldn't say boo to a goose but without a doubt they were the weakest team we faced this year. Which leaves me scratching my head, thinking that something fishy must be going on...!! THATS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't have the prawns!!

WICK

WICK DOES TEST MATCH LASH...